Author has written 17 stories for Vocaloid, and Hetalia - Axis Powers.
It's been a good two years (can't really say three, since I've been MIA for one) you guys. I don't think I'll ever forget my experience on this site. Thank you all, and goodbye.
I know most of you will be disappointing in me for saying this (or relieved that I finally showed up here out of nowhere and announced this since you saw it coming), but...
I am leaving FanFictionNet.
Now, before you start getting mad at me (which I understand you can be since I haven't said a peep in nearly a year), hear me out.
When I started this account on that fateful day (September 21st, 2012), I was twelve years old, probably starting my second year of middle school. I was a giant nerd, to keep it simply, preferring to shut myself away in the world of complex anime characters and foreign music. Back then I was a bit depressed, I guess I should say? I know that some of you out there are thinking, "But you were twelve! How could you know what depression truly is?"
And I didn't. I still don't. But back then I felt fairly alone. In school I would change myself to try and make me more likable like the other kids who were liked by nearly everyone. There was next to no bullying at my school, so I don't really know why I tried to change myself for others... Even now, going into my second year of high school, I still don't understand why the hell I did that stupid shit. I was pretending for others' sake, pretending to know what others knew and listening to what everyone else was listening to, even though I didn't like these things. I ended up knowing many different people, but never truly forming a true connection with anyone since I just couldn't relate to anyone at the time. I thought I was the biggest loser back then, where I was slightly over-weight and embarrassed of my looks.
But then, while I was struggling out there in the real world, I ended up meeting so many wonderful people here who shared the same interests I did. I ended up feeling a sense of belonging whenever I turned on my computer and logged into this website. That sense of belonging encouraged me to pursue my interest in literature, and I ended up learning a lot of writing skills and lessons just by reading stories from some of my favorite authors. As those who have followed me and read from me since A Vocaloid Carol and Impossible Love, you know that my writing has greatly improved ever since then. Even now I still have many more things to learn.
Basically, my experience on this site has been overwhelmingly positive. Despite being complete and utter strangers to each other, it's kinda interesting how a common interest caused me to meet so many wonderful people. And for everyone whom I've spoken to and gotten to know over the course of this journey, I could not thank you enough for sharing kind words to a person whom didn't even know what a friend truly was. Thank you so very much.
Now, why am I telling you this? Why the hell did I just waste your time supplying you with a stupid story of some girl whom didn't know where to place herself? Well, I don't know. Maybe I just wanted to supply a reason behind my goodbye. Maybe i just wanted to vent and tell this to someone. Who knows? I certainly don't, so make what you will with the story.
Now, over the year that I've been gone, I've learned a lot. I learned that no one's perfect; everyone is different, including me, and that's ok. I embraced who I was; a shy nerd with a love for a lot foreign things and all things cute. I got skinnier, not to make myself appealing to everyone else, but to kinda stop eating all that bad junk food before bed since that wasn't exactly a healthy choice. I started accepting myself as I was, and for that I saw happier days and that smile that i used to hate so much is now one of my favorite features.
Cliched story, I know, but I lived through this. And I can only encourage myself to do better in the future.
Which brings me back to the goodbye. I'm saying goodbye because, well, I'm ready to. I've been contemplating goodbye for a couple months now, and here it is.
But with this goodbye, I want to take the opportunity to say something.
I love you. If you're at a place where you can think of nothing but your flaws, please know that those flaws make you so, so special in the eyes of others. I know this is the cheesiest thing I've ever said, but these words are so, so very true. You are imperfectly perfect, and are valued. Don't ever forget that, please.
My PM box is always open if you have any inquiries, and I'll try my best to answer. Though none of my stories never really got to see the end, I feel like I can no longer finish them as I have moved on from Vocaloid. I tried my best to force myself to sit by the laptop and start typing something, but I couldn't write anything meaningful since my passion for the fandom had gone away.
I hope you understand where I'm coming from with this, and I wish all of you the best of luck and all the love. And with that, I conclude my goodbye. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this, and for reading any other of my works. I am sincerely sorry I couldn't finish anything through to the end.
Goodbye. Thank you. Sorry.