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Author has written 8 stories for Harry Potter, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Gravity Falls.
Table Of Contents
I. About Me
II. Things you should know
III. Things in fanfiction I hate
IV. List of Stories
V. Story Ideas
VI. Info About Cover Images
VII. Copy 'n Pastes
IX. Favorite Quotes
Hello! I'm Lanx Borealis! But since that's such a mouthful to say (type?) you can call me LB. Now most people put up things like there age, gender, life plans, ect. on their profile.
I'm not like most people.
Instead, I'm going to give you, a person I most likely have never met in real life, a list of random facts about me.
Thirteen things you didn't know about LB
0. LB loves Italian food
1. LB believes zero is a proper number (After that Cyberchase episode, zero deserves some lovin')
2. LB plays the clarinet
3. LB is currently in high school (unfortunately)
4. LB only drinks juice, water, coffee, tea, and almond milk
5. LB likes both cats and dogs equally
6. LB's eyes turn red in low lighting
7. LB believes in aliens
8. LB lives in America (again...unfortunately)
9. LB is of the female populace
10. LB owns a trench coat
11. LB loves Disney and Pixar movies
12. LB has brown hair
13. LB's favorite number is thirteen
For those of you who are curious, "Lanx Borealis" or β Librae, is the brightest star in the Libra Constellation. It's in Latin and translates roughly into "The Northern Scale of the Balance." Guess where it's located.
Welp! That's about it!
Things you, a reader, should know about my stories
> I will ALWAYS finish my stories
>I will never post a chapter less than 2,500 words UNLESS it's a one-shot or drabble
>I will always note when I'm NOT going to update something for whatever reason
>I love all my readers. Whether you be a reviewer, favoriter, follower, or a lurker. Oh, and anything in-between!
>I write stories about things I currently obsess about
Things other authors do in their stories that I hate
(This isn't meant to offend anyone about anything, just personal things I don't like. I will never write any of these things nor will they ever fall into my favorites)
>When people take an obvious heterosexual character and make them homosexual for no reason (except Billdip...I like Billdip...)
>OC's that are the main character (doesn't always apply...)
>Obvious cliches and plot lines
>Incest and pediophilia
>Stories that are never completed and take up space (the reason I don't read pokemon fanfiction anymore...)
>Holding chapters for more reviews
>Authors that act like their fans are stupid
>People who post ideas as stories instead of actual stories
>Saying "story is better than summary" in any and all forms
>Putting text speak in your summary or story
>People with the "its just fanfiction, so it doesn't matter" opinion
>The majority of gender benders
>Stories that bash the fandom
Keeping a Promise (HP/FMA) -1/6 COMPLETED-
>Nicholas Flamel, Edward's one and only student is on his deathbed so Edward gives him a single promise; that he will protect Harry Potter. Should be simple. But when writings in blood start appearing with hints of an old evil returning, Edward must stop the repeat of fifty years ago before Harry is accused or worse, another innocent child ends up dead.
>Edward's second year teaching at Hogwarts is anything but peaceful. With a mass murderer on the loose, Edward finds it harder than ever to protect Harry from danger, especially when old secrets come to light. With so many questions being passed around, Edward will need all of his skills to keep his ultimate sin in the shadows...or pay the price of all his souls.
Part 1: Chamber of Secrets- COMPLETED
Part 2: Prisoner of Azkaban- INCOMPLETE Chapter progress: Chapter 8- 2511 words
Part 3: Goblet of Fire- 22% PLANNED
Part 4: Order of the Phoenix- 40% PLANNED
Part 5: Half-blood Prince- 47% PLANNED
Part 6: Deathly Hallows- 38% PLANNED
The After-story: Tales from Germany (FMA) -INCOMPLETE-
>A collection of drabbles and oneshots dealing with the Elric brothers in Germany after the first anime. Updated when I get ideas. Warnings will be placed per chapter, but should usually be rated around the T region to be safe. I do accept requests.
Trust (Gravity Falls) -COMPLETED-
>All it took was four words.
Certainty (Gravity Falls) -COMPLETED-
>Everything would be all right in the end. It had to be. Companion ficlet to 'Trust.'
What We Can't See, What We Can't Hear, What We Can't Say (Gravity Falls) -COMPLETED-
>In they drift
A forest of deception
One for consolation
One for love
One for forgiveness
In they drift
A forest of illusions
Given broken promises
that cannot mend
by words alone...
Singularity (Gravity Falls) -INCOMPLETE-
>It was over. Over when blue flames burst out of his skin, over when the first screams ripped out of his throat. All that's left is to pick up the pieces and try and put them back together. If he can, that is.
Might happen...Might not...It really matters
Don't look at the Shadows Pushed back on the account that currently written chapters have been lost.
Genre- Adventure, Tragedy
>Day twelve, I was able to make this book. I need something to do during the night, something to take my mind off the shadows in the corners and the growing hunger pains. Something to hold me down, keep me sane. Because honestly? I think I'm starting to lose it...
All cover images belong to ME! I personally drew them and as such, belong to me. Don't even try to steal!
I do do requests. If you want a cover for your story, I'll be happy to draw you one. However, there are some rules.
1. I may have drew it for you, but the image still belongs to ME and as such, will be put on my Deviant Art and anywhere else I've decided to post it.
2. I am doing this for free. I don't charge anything and as such, I can refuse an offer.
3. Though I experiment with a lot of different styles and like to play around, and I'm aware I'm not as good as others out there, I'm still growing as an artist and my style is my own. Don't diss it.
4. My cover images won't be super fancy. Cover images are small and I'm more of a minimalist artist anyways.
5. PLEASE TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT!!! This is a biggie. If I don't know what you want, how will I draw it?
Here's a simple template you can fill out if you want me to draw you a cover image.
Name of story:
Length/# of chapters:
Detailed description of what you want your cover to look like:
Why you want me to draw you a cover:
Copy 'N Pastes!
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork. (Band kids are the cool kids where I come from XD)
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE, so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse (Hehe, someone once asked me if I rode a horse to school...)
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian. (Eh, I'm not into romance all that much)
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak. (HAHA that's a good one! Really, I met most my friends through band!)
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I can't help POINTING OUT MISTAKES so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
You're a 90's kid if:
You can finish this 'ice ice _'
Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dyslexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!
If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.
Things that have actually happened to me:
1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself
8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand
9. Tried to push open a door that said pull
10. Tried to pull open a door that said push
11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion
12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs (if you don't know how that's possible, shame on you!)
14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.
23. Have run into a closed door
24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else
25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot
36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. Walked into a pole
40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident
41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on
43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.
46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. Have poked yourself in the eye
49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.
55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were
56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on
57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.
58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie
61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it
63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out
70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. Ran into a door jam
74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. Have purposely licked playground sand
77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out
81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.
84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird
88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria
90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it
Things to do on an Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
23) Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."
A B C D E F G. Gummy bears are chasing me. One is red. One is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life. Cuz the red one's got a knife.
--I tried being normal. But I didn't like it.
--If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
--People that don't know me, think I'm quiet. People that know me, wish I was.
--I speak Sarcasm as a second language
--Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
--Some people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them.
--Before you judge a person, walk a mile in his shoes. After that it doesn't matter. You're a mile away from him and you got his shoes!
--Sanity? Why would I want something as useless as that?
--I'm not suffering from insanity...I'm enjoying every minute of it!
--We are not retreating...we are advancing in another direction.
--Whoever said "anything is possible" never tried to slam a revolving door.
--Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
-- Don't worry about the world ending today it's already tomorrow in some other part of the world!
--I'm not so good with advice. May I offer a sarcastic comment?
--Every day I think people can't get any dumber. Every day I'm proven horribly wrong.
--I didn't escape from the mental ward! Those sirens are a complete coincidence!
--Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
--Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell and run like heck. He hates it.
--Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
--Some people are like slinkies, good for nothing, but they make you smile when you push them down a flight of stairs.
--It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.
--Normal people worry me.
--And to think you are the result of millions of years of evolution!
--There's nothing that can't be fixed with duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over.
--Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
--I stopped fighting my inner demons quite some time ago. We're on the same side now.
--I do not have an attitude problem! I have an attitude, but I just can't find a problem with it.
--I'm not mean, I just say what most people keep in their heads.
--I don't need your attitude, I have my own.
--I'm not mean, you're just a sissy.
--You're a great friend. But if zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you
--Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid.
--I did not hit you, I simply high-fived your face.
--Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being me.
--That which does not kill me had better run pretty fast!
--Someday we'll look back on all this and crash the car.
--There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
--My Reality Check bounced.
--On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
--The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY!
--I didn't fall for you, you tripped me.
--I am being driven insane. And I must say the scenery is nice.
--A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
--Slinky Escalator = Endless fun
--If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.
--A day without sunshine is like...Night.
--Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.
--Do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
--I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.
--One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
--It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
--Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.
--"If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed."
--Most learn by observation. Some learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually touch the fire
(Warning: The following quotes are very much real and may make you cry, laugh uncontrollably, or reach Nirvana. Viewer discretion in not advised)
"The Nazis first came for the Communists. But I wasn't a Communist so I didn't speak up. Next they came for the Jews, but I wasn't a Jew so I didn't speak up...Then they came for the Catholics, but I was a Protestant so I didn't speak up. Then they came for me. By that time, there was no one left to speak up."
"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?"
"All rules are subjective as long as you don't get caught."
"Sitting down is just controlled falling."
"Jail is just hardcore grounding."
"When nothing goes right, go left."
"Fish heads, fish heads. Roly poly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, yum!"
"E Pluribus Unum"
"Greater good? I am your wife! I'm the greatest good your ever gonna get!"
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of congress. But I repeat myself."
"Hearts are washed in misery,
"Well I'm not stoned, I'm just fucked up
"What does kill you makes you dead"
"...If you dig into it, it comes back to you. That's the way war is."
"'But I don't want to go among mad people.' Alice remarked.
"I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference."
"Is man merely a mistake of God's? Or God merely a mistake of man?"
"It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace."
"I feel like a defective model, like I came off the assembly line flat-out fucked and my parents should have taken me back for repairs before the warranty ran out."
"Life keeps throwing me curve balls and I don't even own a bat. At least my dodging skills are improving."
"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."
"If I told you I've worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now."
"Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose. This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills the children. Not fate that butchers them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It’s us. Only us. Streets stank of fire. The void breathed hard on my heart, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them. Was reborn then, free to scrawl own design on this morally blank world."
"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
"Why do people just want to be happy in life? Being happy seems so empty. I would rather be exhilarated, ebullient, or even content. None of this 'happy' business."
"I don't make friends, friends make me!"
"I'm the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. Just like the Cheshire cat, someday I will suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile, that phony, clownish curve, the kind you see on miserably sad people and villains in Disney movies, will remain behind as an ironic remnant. I am the girl you see in the photograph from some party someplace or some picnic in the park, the one who is in fact soon to be gone. When you look at the picture again, I want to assure you, I will no longer be there. I will be erased from history, like a traitor in the Soviet Union. Because with every day that goes by, I feel myself becoming more and more invisible..."
"Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor."
"My future is about as bleak as a chalk board."
"The truth doesn't give a fuck what your opinion is."
"If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?"
"Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell."
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."
"The loneliest feeling in the world is seeing a slug bug go by and you have no one to punch."
"You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain."
"Religion...has certain ideas at the heart of it which we call sacred or holy or whatever. What it means is, 'Here is an idea or a notion that you're not allowed to say anything bad about; you're just not. Why not? - because you're not!' If somebody votes for a party that you don't agree with, you're free to argue about it as much as you like; everybody will have an argument but nobody feels aggrieved by it. If somebody thinks taxes should go up or down you are free to have an argument about it. But on the other hand if somebody says 'I mustn't move a light switch on a Saturday', you say, 'I respect that'.
"Nobody likes you, everyone left you. They're all out without you, having fun!"
"My ability to do anything but absolutely nothing is decreasing at a faster and faster rate as time goes by."
"You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something."
"I'm not anti-religion; I'm anti-stupidity." --Me
Wow, you've read this far down? I'm impressed. (And all that just skipped and magically got down here-this doesn't concern you. Your scroll bar skills do not impress me) Here's another 13 facts about myself because you so obviously care.
1. LB owns a steampunk cosplay
2. LB loves ramen
3. LB wants to live in Germany
4. LB's dream car is a red hot convertible Camero
5. LB finds strippers funny
6. LB is a Pastafarian
7. LB loves almost all forms of rock minus Nu-metal and super religious weird stuff
8. LB loves video games
9. LB is a Nihilist
10. LB is bisexual
11. LB is a staffer at her high school newspaper
12. LB owns a class ring
13. LB speaks the language of sarcasm fluently
I also got a Deviant Art if anyone's curious-
Hey! I also have an AO3 account if you like that site better. Same fanfictions, different site! You can go to my profile
Edit: As of 3/31/15 I've changed my username from "ToxicKittySaurus" to "Lanx Borealis" due to the fact that I made the former username when I was 14 and I thought a name change was needed. Badly.
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