I just started my account, so I have no idea what to put on my profile. Name: Bond. James Bond. Or Jane Doe if you prefer. Maybe Janet Bond, because Jane Bond sounds weird. Race: Pretend I am the most awesome mythical creature you have ever heard opimped put that here. House: Ravenclaw/Slytherin Favorite HP Characters: Luna Lovegood, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, Sirius Black, Dobby. Favorite Scene: Hmm, that's difficult. Either when Hermione slaps Malfoy or the Knight Bus Random stuff: I sometimes review stories just to express my complete disappointment at something illogical in canon. I once searched for a random story in a specific fanaim about a "stupid" moment I'd just watched in canon, and went on a three paragraph rant about my fury. I might've sent the review before I realized that the story wasn't even about the subject I was discussing. Maybe. Random Quotes I thought of and probably left on reviews so I wouldn't forget Hobbits are like Hufflepuffs. They melt into the background and run things until they're needed, and then they destroy Dark Lords by using sheer force of will. If you've ever started reading FanFiction from the moment you come home from school at four until 4 am when your mother threatens to donate your computer to a charity shop, copy and paste this on to your profile. If you have ever yelled at the book you were reading because the characters did something stupid, copy and paste this onto your profile. Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile. If Fanfiction is your way of escaping reality and the rest of the boring people in the world and truly "unleashing your imagination" then paste this in your profile and add your name: Emerald Princess 14, StardustFromThePlanetGallifrey, NarnianLady, KingdomHeartsNerd, Lady Alice101, TheOnlyMarauderette, LunaRavenclaw687. 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" The Stupidest Things On Products On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (I wasn't aware that mothers were letting two year olds cook their own meals, but then again there's a lot of stuff people seem to be doing nowadays that follows no common sense.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But I want to go to the hospital for first degree burns! I mean, think of how good it will feel, to actually have some common sense slapped into me by my doctors.) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (So we're not allowed to use them as kindling anymore? People these days, next thing you know we'll be banned from stealing and murdering too. What do you mean it isn't the Dark Ages anymore?) On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Are you absolutely sure?) On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (How dare those frauds masquerade as REAL FAKE BACON! We need a sign telling us it's really artificial now.) On an American Airlines packet of nuts:"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."(I'm sorry, what was that?) On a child's superman costume:"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (Oops. I've sorta already flung myself off the building. Better luck next time!) On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".( Is that the common reaction? Odd, I was certain it was the opposite.) On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions:"Put on fork and eat."(Sorry, I accidentally used my knife. Am I getting in trouble for this?) On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (So eat it then. Wait a sec... this doesn't taste very nice.) On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (Actually, I like it frozen, freshly caught. I eat my meat raw too. Tastier that way, makes you feel more insane.) On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." ( Well, you see, I have a problem with sleepwalking... it's going to be a bit difficult.) On a bag of Fritos!: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (I'm sure that thieves everywhere are thanking you for getting them an easy snack. Thumbs up for maximum stupidity!) On a Korean knife: “Keep out of children” (Yeah, it'll really help cut down on those child murderers. Most five year olds are actually pretty homicidal. We just haven't seen them in action yet.) Boeing 757-"Fragile. Do not drop"(Did someone get some Gamma radiation poisoning when I wasn't looking? Better watch out for those Hulks then.) Scoopable cat litter-"safe to use around pets" (Really? I suppose it works then. That's too bad. I was hoping to kill my mother's cat (grumpy old thing, just kidding I love cats).) Baby oil-"Keep out reach of children." (Hmm. I guess that's why they got shut down early.) Hair coloring-"Do not use as an ice cream topping." (Listen to this, people. I once met a kid who was absolutely insane- his tongue's red now by the way. Weird, since the dye was blue colored...) Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark" (No, floodlights don't illuminate large areas. Newspapers don't have words, either.) Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." (One person tried this, but they were already dead so it didn't really matter.) RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe." ( Because we all missed that lesson in preschool-Kids, don't put electricity in with water. It's bad.) Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain." (No, the wet stuff is just fake soda. We had a spill over at the Coca-Cola factory up north.) 16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART 1. Get 24 bras and randomly put them in Men's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" 16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!" Repost this if you laughed... Quotes That Stick With You That one about dancing in the rain and comparing that to life. "DAMN YOU AUTOCORRECT!!" Me and everyone else who has ever been persecuted because they use a touch screen to write sometimes. Dance like nobody's watching; Love like you've never been hurt; Sing like nobody's listening; Live like it's Heaven on Earth."- Mark Twain Sometimes it's better to be a good man, not a great one. Other times, hack into the universe and be both-Me. "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss- a good man, and a great one to every fivetear old in the world. "With great power comes great responsibility."- Stan Lee- what kind of great power are we talking about? Love, magic, strength,political power? Because some would argue responsibility is in degrees, and some powers can't bmeasured. Damn youautocorrect. "Sometimes people put up walls not to keep others out but to see who cares enough to tear them down."- Anonymous- Does it count if you use a bulldozer? Ordoes it have to be slowly done? “For there is neither good, nor bad, but thinking makes it so.”- Anonymous "No words can prevent all killing. Words are not iron bands. But I taught you to hesitate, to stay your hands until the weight of duty crushed them down." - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, Anansi the Spider “Truth: the most deadly weapon ever discovered by humanity. Boredom is like the flu: You do something crazy, you find a cure, and then it comes back again next month. |
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