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Joined 11-09-12, id: 4352640, Profile Updated: 10-14-13
Author has written 8 stories for Castle, Mentalist, Skulduggery Pleasant series, Harry Potter, and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D..

Favourite colours: Red, Purple, Blue

Fave TV shows: CASTLE!!!!! The mentalist, CSI, CSI NY (not CSI Miami- Horatio bugs me!), NCIS, Buffy, Firefly

Fave Music: Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Pink, JLS, One Direction

Fave Movies: Harry Potter, Pirates of the Carribbean, Scream, The Snow Queen, Nightmare before Christmas

Fave Books: Harry Potter, Anne of Greengables, Rizzoli and Isles series, Jodi Picoult's books, House of Night, Morganville Vampires, Night World, Vampire diaries, Twilight, anything by Richard Castle! Skulduggery Pleasant.

Fave Couples: Kate Beckett and Richard Castle- Castle
Jane and Lisbon- The Mentalist
Tony and Ziva- NCIS
Sara and Grissom- CSI
Mal and Inara- Firefly
Kaylee and Simon- Firefly
Zoe and Wash- Firefly
Buffy and Angel- Buffy
Abby and McGee- NCIS
Xander and Cordelia- Buffy
Captain Jack Sparrow and Angelica- PoTC
Anne and Gilbert- Anne of Greengables
Tonks and Lupin- Harry Potter
Oliver and Amelie- Morganville Vampires
Mary Lynette and Ash- Night World
Bonnie and Damon- Vampire Diaries
Buffy and Spike- Buffy

When life gives you lemons, you make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. When life gives you more, you throw them back, because really, who likes lemons? And when it gives you even more, squirt them in their eyes and see how much life likes lemons then.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity got framed.

When in doubt, make words up!

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you!

Don't worry about the end of the world coming today- it's already tomorrow in Australia.

Kids are the future. Be afraid, Be very afraid!

Before you criticize a person, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and have their shoes!

An idiot is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire their work.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss!

Two things are infinite; infinity, and human stupidity. Not so sure about infinity...

Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible?

I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly

Don't hit kids. Seriously, they have guns now.

WARNING- lost kids will be sold to the circus

If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead. So SHUT UP!

There are three kinds of people- those who count, and those who can't.

The grass may be greener, but it's just as hard to mow!

If the world didn't suck we'd all fall off.

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

I like you. When I rule the world your death will be quick and painless.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.

A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking

At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit!

I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and she got away.

Isn't it funny that the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much.

Of course it's in the last place you look for it. Why in heck would you keep looking for it if you already found it.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

The problem with political jokes is that very often they get elected.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt-then it's hilarious!

Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads :P

I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way.

Your shin: a device used to find furniture in the dark

Alice in Wonderland Oh! Is that the story of Alice before she went into the Asylum?

People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.

Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone.

I'm the kind of girl who would fall flat on my face, get up, laugh my head off, and say " That was fun!

“Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.”

Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hate that.

Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball make big hole in paper.

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.

This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

Definition of Your Mom: How to answer a question when you’re bored

Definition of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some primitive areas.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.

I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?

I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.

It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.

So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun.

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Aren’t the ‘good things that come to those who wait’ just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?

Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Life sucks and then you die.

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Why do people say, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”? Why would someone get cake if they can’t eat it?

“When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade”

Don’t mess with me I’ve got a stick.

Darth Vader- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!" Luke Skywalker- "Nah, the rebels have cake." Darth Vader- "ooh! Can I be a rebel?!"

I smile because I have no idea what’s going on!

Life was so simple when boys had cooties

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I’m the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don’t obsess! I think intensely.

Of course I’m talking to myself. Who else can I trust?

Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.

One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!

When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling

When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Sing “I’m Off to See the Wizard” when sent to the Headmasters office.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

All the good ones are gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.

“When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.”

“Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”

“Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else”

“Real girls aren’t perfect, perfect girls aren’t real.”

“I’d rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I’m not.”

“What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy.”

A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

I’m not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Death is God’s way of saying “You’re fired.” Suicide is Human’s way of saying “You can’t fire me- I quit!”

“He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.”

“If you know me, chances are you hate me.”

Shut up voices or I’ll poke you with a fork

If at first you don’t succeed skydiving isn’t for you.

Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.

Set sail in a general that way direction.

It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?

I’m sick of following my dreams, I’m just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later.

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in you face?

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Rules For Hogwarts:

- If death eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout "TO THE BAT MOBILE!'

- Remus Lupin does NOT want a flee collar

- I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month.

- I will not say 'dude, get a life' to Lord Voldemort

- I will not ask Snape why he stole Batman's cape

- Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda

- I am not to refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'.

- The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

- If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 10 minutes, I shall assume that I am not allowed to use it.

- It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.

- "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

- Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey."

- I am not allowed to paint the House Elves blue and call them smurfs

- The Whomping Willow is not a Entwife with PMS

- "I have eight horcruxes, take that Voldy!"

- "So I was all like Avada Kadavra and he was all like. Dead."

- Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret

- No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

- Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in May...June...or July...

- Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such.

- I am not allowed to sing 'we're off to see the wizard' on the way to the headmaster's office

- I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group.

- Especially not with kazoos.

- The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable".

- Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other house is forbidden.

- There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff Marshmallow Man".

...Even if I do conjure him up.

- Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow.

- The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.

- Especially in reference to Professor Umbridge.

- I will not write "Wizard" on my hat in sequins.

- I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?"

- I am not allowed to dress exactly like Snape and ask him to call me "mini me."

- Snape does not want bleach, laundry detergent, or new underwear for his birthday or Christmas.

- No combination of these is acceptable.

- Murmuring “I see dead people… ” every time I see one of the ghosts is stupid and was never funny.

- Yelling “to infinity, and BEYOND!” was only funny the first time I took off on my broom.

- I am no longer allowed to sing my “own personal spy music” when I wander around the hallways.

- I should not remark that “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” when Snape gets angry. Ever.

- If I become an animagus, I am not allowed to yell “MORPHIN’ TIME!” every time I change.

- I cannot do this whenever anyone else changes either.

- I must not shout "beam me up Scotty" before disapparating.

- I will not give Hagrid pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals.

What is the fun in Hogwarts anymore????

Things I learned from CASTLE! (I borrowed this list from someone else)

Mystery writers are cocky but cute

Detectives have attitude (though this could also come under any cop show, LIV (SVU) certainly does)

The smell of cherries is a likable fragrance for writer-boy

Lanie loves a good match-making project

Romance takes time and patience

Love means having TO say you’re sorry

Writer’s daughters are intelligent and wise

MOTHER means entertainment and Broadway plays

Best-selling authors get to wear WRITERS vests

Book dedications mean LOVE

Money passing hands means the BOYS have been betting again

Actors dressing up as alternate versions of themselves (like MAL from Firefly)

There will be NO biting before dinner

Page 105 is raunchy (seriously have you read it)

Crimes are more than dead bodies… they are a reason for Beckett & Castle to squabble

Ringing phones mean a NEW case

Only Lanie knows how to do the Mm-hu with attitude

THE HAMPTONS is an ugly place. WE don’t like it!!!

Nobody knows who ACTUALLY wrote the Richard Castle books, HEAT WAVE and NAKED HEAT.

Breaking your girlfriend/boyfriend out of jail is true LOVE

If you have finally come to the realization that NCIS is the ultimate crime show in the history of the world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever had the urge to scream in a shopping center, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe that your genetics have some pretty cruel stuff handed down through generations, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you wish that you were in the Navy, Team Gibbs, Ducky and Abby were real investigators and there was a crime just so NCIS would investigate, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want to be Ziva David, just so that you get to hang around with Tony, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fan fiction copy this into your profile.

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person (or not) copy this into your profile.

If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.

Weird is good. Strange is bad. Odd is what you call someone who you can't decide what to call them. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which means weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki, WeaselChick, Revenant666, darkflame1516, AirGirl Phantom, Agent of the Divine One, pointless people of Pluto, itachikakashi, xXxLuna-of-the-ChosenxXx, .a.broken.heart.within. The Most OOC Writer Around, Mask of Mirage, EcoliandDahChihuahua, Black Rose Dye, Geradsredskittle666, AbbyLover, NCISchick Castlelover88

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice verse copy this into your profile

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

Just because we eat animals for food, doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, ect, copy this onto your profile.

If you know the clowns are out to get you, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you hear voices in your head, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you KNOW the voice in your head are real, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile. (Or geek.)

I do not do drugs. I do sugar. If you're someone who does sugar, copy this into your profile.

If keyboards hate you copy this onto your profile!

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your pro!

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, post this in your profile.

most people would be offended if someone asked them whats wrong with there mind. copy and paste this onto your profile if you would be one of the few people to say, "were to begin.."

if your are hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE

if you've ever copied something onto your profile, copy this onto your profile

if you think a semi colon is completely useless, stupid, annoying, and plotting to destroy the English language as we know it, put this on your pro!

if you think rock paper scissors solves everything, put this on your pro!

if at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a 4 letter word, copy this on your pro!

if you have your own little world, copy this on your pro!

if your a person who acts friendly, but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, put this on your pro!

if you and your friends break out into song in a public area, copy this onto your profile

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

You know you live in 2013 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen-name or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

If you like pie, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever started humming a song you don't know, copy this into your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Orlando Bloom told them it was uncool to breathe, copy this into your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing you butt off.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach, The O.C. or The Hills, never have never will and proud of it copy this into your profile.

If you have been on the computer for hours on end reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy this into your profile. (please define "died")

If you have ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy this into your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.

If Fanfiction is to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you have been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile.

If you should be doing homework right now, copy this into your profile.

"I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?"

"Just because I have a short attention span doesn't - look !SHINY!"

98 of teenagers do drugs and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels.

B - Babe I - In T - Total C - Control of H - Herself


B = Beautiful I = Intelligent T = Talented C = Charming H = Hell of a Woman


B = Beautiful I = Individual T = That C = Can H = Handle anything


You talk to yourself a lot. (e.g. Hmm, what would happen if it was sunny the day Bella got hit by the van? Oh, story idea!! Must get computer!)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. (once a key actually fell off!)

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

I'm so gangsta, I carry a squirt gun.

Anyone can reach the stars. If you can't reach them, catch one that falls.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Slinky Escalator = Endless fun


Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? --

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see that the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad.'
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

'Dear, Dad.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a caravan in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home...

My name is Sarah I am but three My eyes are swollen I cannot see I must be stupid, I must be bad What else could have made My Daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me I can't speak a word I can't do a wrong Or else I am locked up All day long When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home When my mommy does come I try to be nice Then I might get only One whipping tonight Don't make a sound I just heard a car My Daddy's back From Charlie's Bar I hear him curse My name he calls I press myself against the wall I try and hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I start to cry He sees me weeping He shouts ugly words He says it's my fault That he suffer's at work He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more I finally get free And I run to the door He's already locked it I start to bawl He takes me and throws me, Against the hard wall I fall to the floor With bones nearly broken My Daddy continues With more bad words spoken "I'm sorry!" I scream But now it's much too late His face has been twisted Into unimaginable hate The hurt, the pain Again and again Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end! Finally he stops And heads for my door While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor My name is Sarah I am but three And tonight my Daddy Murdered me. Child Abuse, MAKE IT STOP!

Month one

I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cried post this in your profile

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism


1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag,
peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in

2) STAND silent and motionless in the
corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt
and strain to yank the doors open, then
act as if you're embarrassed when they
open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake
and ask him or her to call you Admiral/Sergent Deathcas.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a
while. Then announce in horror: "You're
one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And
push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone
presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger
for a while, then announce: "I have new
socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look
around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the
emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor
with chalk and announce to the other
passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person
in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they
give you a shock. Smile, and go back for

16) ASK if you can push the button for
other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're
waiting for your friend. After a while,
let the doors close and say "Hi Greg,
How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone
reaches to help pick it up, then scream:
"That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of
everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant
and review emergency procedures and
exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.


How to Be Annoying:

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

Drum on every available surface.

Sing the Batman theme constantly.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Ask 1-800 operators for their home phone number. If they don’t give it to you ask why they are calling YOU at home.

Sew department store anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Set alarms for random times.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

Tape pieces of "Play School" over climactic parts of rental movies.

Borrow someone’s easer, then when they ask for it back, throw it across the room, making sure it misses them, and shout “You sure cant catch!!”

In the middle of a long car trip, yell out, really loudly, “I need to pee’. To be even more annoying, do it just after you’ve left, or taken a pee break.

When on a long road trip, say “are we there yet’ every five minutes.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On a Korean knife: “Keep out of children” (I should bloody well hope so!)

Boeing 757-"Fragile. Do not drop" (That means you, Hulk! Put that bloody aeroplane down, you might drop it!)

Scoopable cat litter-"safe to use around pets" (Again, I should bloody well hope so!)

Endust duster-"This product is not defined flammable by the consumer products safety commission regulations. However this product can be ignited under certain circumstances" (That's right, who doesn't use their dusters as kindling?)

Baby oil-"Keep out reach of children." (Good thing babies aren't children, isn't it!)

Hair coloring-"Do not use as an ice cream topping." (Yeh. My grandmother died because she thought my hair dye was ice-cream topping and put it in a sundae)

Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark" (OMG!! That's as amazing as a newsreader reading the news!)

Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." (Are you sure? Lets experiment.)

RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe." (Did someone do this once...?)

Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain." (No. Shit. Sherlock)

On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions-"Put on fork and eat." (No! Really? We're supposed to eat food now?!)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)



1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"


Pick the month you were born:
January--I kicked
February--I loved
March--I kissed
April--I licked
May—I did the Macarena with
June--I smelled
July—I jumped on
August--I had lunch with
September--I danced with
October--I sang to
November--I yelled at
December--I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1--a birdbath
2--a monster
3--a phone
4--a fork
5--a snowman
6--a gangster
7--my mobile phone
8--my dog
9--my best friends' boyfriend
10--my neighbor
11--my science teacher
12--a banana
13--a fireman
14--a stuffed animal
15--a goat
16--a pickle
17--your mom
18--a spoon
19-- - a smurf
20--a baseball bat
21--a ninja
22--Chuck Norris
23--a noodle
24--a squirrel
25--a football player
26--my sister
27--my brother
28--an ipod
29--a surfer
30--a llama
31--A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White--because I'm cool like that
Black--because that's how I roll.
Pink--because I'm crazy.
Red--because the voices told me to.
Blue--because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green--because I think I need some serious help.
Purple--because I'm AWESOME!
Gray--because Big Bird said to and he's my leader.
Yellow--because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange--because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway.Brown--because I can..
Other--because I'm a Ninja! :D :) :O :/

None--because I can't control myself!



I couldn't fix your brakes so I made your horn louder

I swear to drunk officer I'm not god!

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you saying ‘Man that was fun!! Let’s do it again!’ (I'll be that friend)

One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you

"What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" (Me: Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!)

People who say "nothing's impossible" have never tried slamming a revolving door.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Give a person a fish, you feed them for a day; Teach a person to use the Internet, they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like a slinky..not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers.

Life isn't a garden so stop being a hoe.

If life gives you lemons, throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Anyone else seeing the irony in this?

"Life is short" What? Name one thing you do that is longer than life.

"Don't you wish you could have your cake and eat it too?" What is the point of having a cake if you can't eat it.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

My friend's the kind of person that breaks the silence at a funeral by screaming "KUNG POW CHICKEN"

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous. But not so much tastey!

Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing

I'm the kind of girl who would get fired at the M&M's company for throwing out the w's.

I'm the kind of girl who gets drunk off soda and loves every minute of it.

What the heck is gum made out of? HOW DOES IT DISOLVE! Jeez! I've tortured myself with this for weeks...


25 Reasons to Thank my Mother:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why.

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top


Why America has some issues (One thing that America DIDN’T screw up-this list)

1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway
and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that stuff up in two seconds. That's why when I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you



FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HERE."

FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost.

BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.

FRIENDS: Will help me up when I fall down.

BEST FRIENDS: Will point and laugh because she tripped me.

FRIENDS: Will ask if I’m crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will already be burying the loser who made me cry. (Alive or otherwise)

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the body.


19 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don t use any punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat...use a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance , Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Coworkers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling, "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."


40 Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts.
1) Seamus Finnigan is not after my lucky charms
2) I do not weigh the same as a duck. Nor should I try to act like one.
3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
4) I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.
5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class
6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss
7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda
8) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar
9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy
10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month"
11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches
13) The Giant Squid is not an approriate date to the Yule Ball
14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Mobile, Robin!"
15) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.
16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor
17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental
18) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak
19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"
20) I will not dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.
21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
22) I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells shouting "I got the power!"
23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions.
24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom
25) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" everytime I apparate.
26) I will not steal Griffyndor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.
27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.
28) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"
30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.
31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife
32) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the Arse" is not an acceptable quidditch chant.
33) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.
34) I am not Allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.
34) It is a bad idea to tell Proffesor Mcgonagal that she takes herself too seriously
35) "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an aprropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an experimental spell
36) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.
37) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy.
38) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.
39) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
40) Dumbledore does not have "nakie time".

12 things you shouldn't say to a police officer

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas )
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other
cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"


So sweet, please don't break! :)

1. They will always smell good even if it's just shampoo.

2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder.

3. How cute they look when they sleep.

4. The ease in which they fit into our arms .

5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world.

6. How cute they are when they eat.

7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while.

8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside.

9. The way they look good no matter what they wear.

10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful girl on this earth.

11. How cute they are when they argue.

12. The way her hand always finds yours.

13. The way they smile.

14. The way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight.

15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later...

16. The way that they kiss after you have had a fight.

17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you".

18. Actually...Just the way they kiss you...

19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry.

20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly.

21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt.

22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt (even though we don't admit it).

23. The way they say "I miss you".

24. The way you miss them.

25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore...

Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, no paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart.

A feeling.

Only felt.

This chain started in 2002.

It is a love chain letter.

In an hour you are supposed to repost this.

Now here comes the fun part.

You then say the name of the person you like or love and then the person will say "I love you," or "Will you go out with me?" NO JOKE!!


The consequences are:

If you break the chain letter, you will have bad luck in future relationships.

If you don't break the chain, then you will be a happy camper!!


You have been chosen to participate in the LONGEST and the LUCKIEST chain letter on the internet.

Once you read this letter, you must IMMEDIATELY (meaning within the hour) post it with the title "why do boys fall in love with girls?" After you send it, make a wish and it will come TRUE

Did you know? Before you go to sleep at night there is 1 person from the opposite rainbow, thinking of you, they want to kiss you, they want to be with you, they're always thinking about you before they go to sleep at night and they are longing to be with you. This is all true not fake. If you repost this on your page within 5 mins, that person who is longing to approach you will approach you in a month and ask you out or grab you and kiss you but if you break this chain no one will like you or ask you out for 45

girl) am I pretty?
(boy) NO
(girl) do u want to be with me forever?
(boy) NO
(girl) would u cry if I walked away?
... ... (boy) NO
she heard enough and was hurt, she walked away. Tears ran down her face
The boy grabbed her arm:
(boy) you're not pretty... you're beautiful
(boy) I don't want to be with you forever... I need to be with you forever
(boy) I wouldn't cry if you walked away... I would DIE!
(boy whispers) plzz stay with me
(girl whispers) I will...
Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they love you
Something good will happen to you between 1-4 pm
Tomorrow it could be anywhere
Get ready for the shock of your life! If you don't paste this to your profile... you will have relationship problems for the next ten years.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Very Bad Things by freudian fuckup reviews
It turns out "bad" is a highly subjective term.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 60,359 - Reviews: 622 - Favs: 1,517 - Follows: 498 - Updated: 4/17/2020 - Published: 4/6/2008 - Sirius B., Remus L. - Complete
Ink First, Think Second by Catsafari reviews
Frankly, Valkyrie thought, aged 16 and poised with a Sharpie before Skulduggery's face, it was a minor miracle she hadn't been tempted to do this before now. / SP ficlet in which Valkyrie gives in to the temptation to draw on Skulduggery's face and a surprising number of people are on board with it. Originally submitted to spfanclub's competition.
Skulduggery Pleasant series - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,619 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 3 - Published: 9/2/2019 - Valkyrie C./Stephanie E., Skulduggery P. - Complete
Make Me by Kageyamallama
"You can't stay mad at me for long." He said, voice soft and velvety. If this were any other situation, his voice would have made her melt, but she fought hard to hold on to her anger. "Yes, actually, I can."
Skulduggery Pleasant series - Rated: K - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,324 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/24/2019 - Valkyrie C./Stephanie E., Skulduggery P. - Complete
A Waltz to Remember by Kageyamallama reviews
"Pylades: I'll take care of you. Orestes: It's rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it's you."
Skulduggery Pleasant series - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,018 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/3/2019 - Valkyrie C./Stephanie E., Skulduggery P., Tanith L., Ghastly B. - Complete
Post Red by RedPerception reviews
As the title suggests it take place after Red John. After the death of a close friend Lisbon is left her friends four kids. Not knowing how to raise children on her own she turns to Jane for help. There will be eventual Jisbon. Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Mentalist - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 68 - Words: 162,663 - Reviews: 430 - Favs: 128 - Follows: 144 - Updated: 5/12/2015 - Published: 2/18/2013 - Patrick J., Teresa L. - Complete
Love of My Life by waterbaby134 reviews
Waking up with the man she loves, Lisbon reminisces about how he came to be hers.
Mentalist - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,601 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 9 - Published: 1/10/2015 - [Patrick J., Teresa L.] - Complete
Only time will tell by Skultistic98 reviews
Skulduggery never talks about his wife and child to Valkyrie. He's always very secretive about them. What if one day Valkyrie travels back in time to the 1600's and is shocked at what she finds out. Will she meet Skulduggery's wife? or is she his wife? VALDUGGERY! sorry I'm bad at summaries. Please R&R. I hope you like it :)
Skulduggery Pleasant series - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 21 - Words: 21,465 - Reviews: 165 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 11/11/2014 - Published: 8/23/2013 - Valkyrie C./Stephanie E., Skulduggery P. - Complete
Stolen by purplepagoda reviews
A normal Sunday morning leads to a painful stroll down memory lane. Can Beckett and Castle's relationship survive her biggest secret yet?
Castle - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 33 - Words: 32,737 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 108 - Follows: 285 - Updated: 10/28/2014 - Published: 9/8/2013 - Rick C., Kate B. - Complete
The Ultimate Christmas Present by BurningxRedxCaskett reviews
As soon as she says the four words on the tip of her tongue, it will makes the situation more real...She closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath and whispers, "I think I'm pregnant." Future Fic. Caskett of course.
Castle - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 7 - Words: 9,829 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 130 - Follows: 249 - Updated: 3/10/2014 - Published: 10/23/2013 - Kate B., Rick C. - Complete
Colours by tazia101 reviews
Red for blood, Orange for a sunset, Yellow for sand, Green for trees, Blue for sky, Indigo for a dress, Violet for a velvet-coated box. Valduggery, from the perspective of our favorite skeleton.
Skulduggery Pleasant series - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 9 - Words: 21,244 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 8/23/2013 - Published: 2/27/2013 - Skulduggery P., Valkyrie C./Stephanie E.
Unexpected by DizzyDrea reviews
Sometimes in life, it's the unexpected things that bring the greatest blessings. Slices of the life Kevin Ryan and Alexis Castle build together.
Castle - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 14,663 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 15 - Published: 7/28/2013 - Alexis C., Kevin R. - Complete
Learning to Live Again by agrove reviews
After Jenny's sudden death Ryan is left to raise their son Devlin on his own. Three years later when things start to become overwhelming Alexis arrives home from college offering help and hope. Can she help him learn to live again? Ryan/Alexis
Castle - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 23 - Words: 68,429 - Reviews: 359 - Favs: 221 - Follows: 164 - Updated: 3/19/2013 - Published: 2/5/2013 - Kevin R., Alexis C. - Complete
An Unexpected Little Surprise by Lur27 reviews
AU. While investigating the murder of a young woman, Castle and Beckett find themselves with and unexpected surprise in their hands. Caskett established. You can also read the sequel to this story "A little Christmas Surprise".
Castle - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 20 - Words: 52,606 - Reviews: 356 - Favs: 277 - Follows: 438 - Updated: 3/17/2013 - Published: 4/16/2012 - Kate B., Rick C. - Complete
The Littlest Lisbon by Colourful Glitter reviews
Lisbon's four-year-old niece comes to visit for a month. Who knew having a four-year-old around could be such a bonding experience. Little bit of Jisbon in there.
Mentalist - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 30 - Words: 99,334 - Reviews: 173 - Favs: 150 - Follows: 125 - Updated: 2/12/2013 - Published: 8/7/2012 - Teresa L., Patrick J. - Complete
Where They Stand by TheShadowsSilhouette reviews
The 12th Precinct is getting a new Detective. How will this affect their team? What will change? WHO, will change? Updates will come as soon as I can get to a computer.
Castle - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,792 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 69 - Updated: 2/7/2013 - Published: 8/3/2012 - Kevin R., Alexis C.
Graveyard Valentine by Bex-chan reviews
Hermione thought she was the only person in the world who would spend Valentine's Day in a Graveyard, but she was wrong. He's there. Every single year, with his gloves, roses, and answers. Dramione Valentine's Day one-shot. Post-Hogwarts. EWE.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,193 - Reviews: 1450 - Favs: 4,687 - Follows: 856 - Published: 2/13/2012 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete
Payback's a Witch by ShunKickShunKers reviews
"It wasn't easy to trace you…you never told us 'Sarah Bailey' wasn't your real name." "And that was none of your business" Lisbon replied coldly. "What do you want?" Xover Craft. will have some Jisbon
Crossover - Craft & Mentalist - Rated: T - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 12 - Words: 28,158 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 10/14/2011 - Published: 3/7/2011 - Teresa L. - Complete
Another World Inside Of me by Normal-is-Overratedx reviews
Kate was shot...Wasn't she? Could it be a dream? Or maybe she's dreaming now, either way...Waking up and finding out you're married, have two kids, a stepdaughter and a baby on the way can be pretty freaking frightening. AU. Hint of Knockout spoilers.
Castle - Rated: T - English - Family/Fantasy - Chapters: 13 - Words: 23,379 - Reviews: 225 - Favs: 197 - Follows: 142 - Updated: 8/21/2011 - Published: 5/19/2011 - Kate B., Alexis C. - Complete
Lily Joy revised by Alex Beckett reviews
What happens when you get a visit from Meredith, and she has a surprise with her? What happens when you throw in a stressed out Alexis and her family into the mix? Read on to find out!
Castle - Rated: T - English - Family/Angst - Chapters: 50 - Words: 165,938 - Reviews: 369 - Favs: 127 - Follows: 85 - Updated: 7/22/2011 - Published: 3/10/2011 - Complete
Alone On the Water by MadLori reviews
Sherlock is diagnosed with a terminal illness. Warning: angst like whoa.
Sherlock - Rated: K - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,210 - Reviews: 5617 - Favs: 12,990 - Follows: 1,749 - Published: 4/17/2011 - Sherlock H., John W. - Complete
Everyday the Valduggery Way by Flaring Rhythm reviews
Everyday in our lives is usually the same, boring thing. But when you throw in some magic, a skeleton and some strange friends, it makes the days more...interesting. Lets just hope the police don't catch us anytime soon... Valduggery, Ghanith
Skulduggery Pleasant series - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 28 - Words: 18,041 - Reviews: 136 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 7/28/2010 - Published: 7/17/2009
Evidence by insaneprincess reviews
Draco/Hermione. A collection of drabbles, witnessing the D/Hr relationship through a different character's eyes each chapter. Each chapter is a different character, different moment, different version of D/Hr. Angst, humour, drama, friendship, and love.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 7,368 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 7/27/2010 - Published: 8/12/2009 - Draco M., Hermione G.
A Liar's Victories Are Always Sweet by insaneprincess reviews
DracoHermione. You are a predator whose hungry smile has been wrapped in red ribbon; danger concealed by lies and charming fakery. When he kisses you, you are thinking of the best way to push your tongue down his throat and eat his heart out.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,337 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 4 - Published: 5/25/2010 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete
Ask The Lonely by dizzy - in - the - izzy reviews
As the pain filled her, she told herself she'd fight. She would fight, no matter what, to protect the last gift that Patrick Jane ever gave her. Jisbon & VanRigsby.
Mentalist - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 13 - Words: 31,234 - Reviews: 219 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 11/26/2009 - Published: 8/6/2009 - Teresa L., Patrick J. - Complete
Forever Tomorrow by dizzy - in - the - izzy reviews
Six years ago, she vanished; dropped right off the face of the earth. Tony didn't know what to do, other than raise their child not knowing her own mother. Tiva, established Jibbs, slight Kari & McAbby. AU!
NCIS - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 39,300 - Reviews: 356 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 91 - Updated: 8/16/2009 - Published: 6/11/2009 - Tony D., Ziva D.
Full Moon Kate and Garrett's Story by Nicollette Knight reviews
What happened to Kate and Garrett after they left the Cullen's home in Breaking Dawn? This is their story.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 25,870 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 123 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 6/27/2009 - Published: 6/9/2009 - Kate, Garrett - Complete
Never Give Up by insaneprincess reviews
Hermione Granger stands at Draco Malfoy's grave, crying, as she says her final goodbye to the man she loves.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,322 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/30/2008 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete
Unconventional Parents by tophetangel reviews
Not a typical geek baby fic. My take on what Grissom and Sara would do if they found out they were going to be parents. GSR obviously. Complete!
CSI - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 27 - Words: 38,993 - Reviews: 296 - Favs: 88 - Follows: 67 - Updated: 5/8/2008 - Published: 10/25/2007 - Gil G., Sara S. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Hat reviews
Just a random Valduggery one-shot I wrote a while ago.
Skulduggery Pleasant series - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 349 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 4 - Published: 11/3/2014 - Valkyrie C./Stephanie E., Skulduggery P. - Complete
Skyeward reviews
Just Skye/Ward one-shot.
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 440 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 5 - Published: 10/5/2014 - Complete
Tears of a Scorpion reviews
When Scorpius Malfoy is murdered, the whole of Hogwarts is shocked. Who would have killed him? And why?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,107 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/27/2014
Dreaming of a Dead Man reviews
A one shot on valduggery. Just Valkyrie's thoughts about her and Skulduggery.
Skulduggery Pleasant series - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 265 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Published: 1/3/2014 - [Valkyrie C./Stephanie E., Skulduggery P.] - Complete
Stormfall High reviews
What would life be like if the Castle characters were to meet at high school? Rick Castle is the new boy and he soon meets Beckett, Lanie, Ryan and Esposito. Terrible at summaries. Caskett/Esplanie.
Castle - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,286 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 8/24/2013 - Published: 5/15/2013 - Rick C., Kate B.
Medieval Mentalist reviews
Set in medieval/middle ages/ renaissance (don't know which is which- the one with the princesses and jousts etc.) and Jane and Lisbon meet as children. Suck at summaries, just something I thought of whilst unable to sleep :)
Mentalist - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,729 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 8/24/2013 - Published: 6/21/2013 - Patrick J., Teresa L.
My Duty to the Dead reviews
ONE-SHOT. Just a bit of writing from Lanie's POV about her work and her duty to the dead with whom she deals.
Castle - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 387 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 8/19/2013 - Lanie P. - Complete
Not Expecting Much reviews
What happens when Castle and Beckett spend the night together? Will they be able to deal with the consequences and finally have their own special family, or will they fall apart?
Castle - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,444 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 11/14/2012 - Published: 11/12/2012 - Rick C., Kate B.