The Spastic Forkie
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Joined 08-09-03, id: 435919, Profile Updated: 08-02-09
Author has written 6 stories for Lord of the Rings, Notebook, Moulin Rouge, Drake & Josh, Misc. Movies, and Grim and Evil.

WARNING: Extremely long bio - proceed with caution

8/2/09: Heeeeey guyyyz. yeah...i'm still alive. Not dead. Just dead to the fanfiction world. Maybe I'll start writing again if I have a ton of time on my hands... Which will probably be never ever again. Haha, sry.

Love you!

Eh, I'll let the quotes live.

"I knew a pyro once, but he died in a fire."
"No, I can't talk like that in front of the moaaaaah..." (stopping myself from saying 'mormons')
"Woah, you guys are like the same height...only she's taller."
"Craig Parker looks like a man."
Frotu's Mom: Was it cold and windy? Me: Not really. It was more windy and...cold.
"A: it's not just a letter, it's a WORD."
"Holy crap, I had a dream about that CD case!"
"Dude, we're not shopping for college here! It's fabric!"
How did you know Renee was pregnant? Dad: John told me. Me: Then I deduce you are the father!
"I was catching and there was a crow that flew overhead and I told the batter not to hit it. Acutally, I said something along the lines of "Ooo, a bird! HIT IT!" But it meant the same thing."
Guy on movie: Fire at will! Me: Aww, poor Will. He's going to get shot.


"I am like the sun because I am bright. And you're like a black hole because you're dense."
"Pain is funny when it happens to other people."
"You know that Christmas song 'Do you hear what I hear' and there's a verse that goes 'A child, a child shivers in the cold, let us bring him silver and gold'...yeah, like that's really gonna keep him warm! Sure, pelt the kid with money. That really helps."
"You know what? Fuck Gollum!"
"Jar Jar Binks is like the perfect example of a computerized character gone horribly wrong. Somebody should assassinate him and put him out of his misery."
I'm going to name my son Christian. Frotu: Why would you name your kid after someone who gives you nasty dreams?
Your eyes are the color of poo. Frotu: And your eyes are the color of the poo of somebody who only eats peas."
"Hel-LO? My slug!"
Cold Mountain wasn't even cold or a mountain. Frotu: It's more like Warm Hill.
"Die! Die and rot in hell forever! ...I love you."
(Smacks me way too hard with her comp book) "I love you very much."
(Whilst watching me attempt to plug in the CD player) "
You're going to kill everybody."
Me: Will you go to the hanging with me? Frotu: How about I slit your wrists?
"You look so sexy. You're going to get raped." and later... Frotu: The ass-kicking class is good for when you go to college because one in four women get raped. Me: So out of allof us in this car, one of us will get raped eventually. Frotu: Yes. And it's going to be you.

"Oh no, it's the Headless Blonde." --Dad

"It looks like she walked into a glue factory and then walked by an exploding racoon factory." --Squeet describing Mary J. Blige's dress

"Next we'll have a bat expert here and he's actually bringing in live bats. They're going to fly around and everyone's going to be killed." --Conan

Tobias: I'm getting chills! If this was a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break! (transition music plays) Tobias: ... Narrator: ...But it wasn't. --Arrested Development

Other quotes I admire/think are guffaw-worthy:

"I would do anything Tim wanted me to. You know-have sex with an aardvark... I would do it." -Johnny!
"A good author borrows but a great author steals." -Mr. Harm
"If I had one dollar for every brain you didn't have, I'd have one dollar." -Squidward
"SILLA later, chair!" -Mr. Arnell
"We're ALL laughing at Mr. Arnell, now." -Spoofmaster
"Is someone chanting over there?" ~Eh heh heh
Spoofmaster: But I love you. Me: Til your dying day? Come what may? Spoofmaster: Yes, actually. Seriously. Unless you stab me. Then the deal's off.
"McEnroe, your show sucks so hard, I was watching it and the sides of my TV caved in!" -Triumph

Bye, don't die.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Once Upon a Freakin' Time by Evadne reviews
The Death Eaters attempt to do bad things, but mostly just do things badly.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 40 - Words: 29,923 - Reviews: 1973 - Favs: 2,119 - Follows: 736 - Updated: 2/15/2008 - Published: 8/7/2002 - Voldemort, Severus S.
OneTwoThree by BohemianTwinkle reviews
Close your eyes, count to three, that's what they say to do..
Moulin Rouge - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 278 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 5 - Published: 1/5/2005
Sauron's Night Before Christmas by Spoofmaster reviews
A Christmas poem. Sauron, unhappy that others are enjoying the holiday, goes around giving everyone poo to dampen their spirits. PG for references to poo. Semicontinuity with my parody and the parody that Frotu used to have up.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,033 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/29/2004 - Sauron - Complete
When In Doubt, Sing! by tiggersrock reviews
Moulin Rouge spoof. apologies to Alex's and other bad-haired peeps. R&R anyway, lots of random oddness! Chapter Five now up!
Moulin Rouge - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,834 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 9 - Updated: 10/29/2004 - Published: 12/24/2003
The Windowpane by BohemianTwinkle reviews
...stuck in his unearthly state, wondering or perhaps fearing to remember how he got there.
Moulin Rouge - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,127 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Published: 8/19/2004
The Batman Vignettes by Silvey M reviews
Da na na na na na na na Vignettes... Da na na na na na na na Vignettes, Vignettes!
Batman the Animated Series - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 3,171 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 7/31/2004 - Published: 7/6/2004
Because the World is by Silvey M reviews
—To all of the HalfTouched.
Moulin Rouge - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Supernatural - Chapters: 8 - Words: 4,794 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 6 - Updated: 7/22/2004 - Published: 3/29/2004 - Complete
The Fellowship of the Bra by Spoofmaster reviews
The Fellowship of the Bra begin their quest to Mordor. Dyslexic elves, delinquent hobbits, pothead wizards, and horny future kings abound. It may sound like a slash or sex fic, but it isn't, because those suck. Complete!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 24,176 - Reviews: 145 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 6/20/2004 - Published: 3/28/2004 - Frodo B., Aragorn - Complete
Little Boy by BohemianTwinkle reviews
Die to be alive again....
Moulin Rouge - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 369 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 2 - Published: 3/21/2004
A World of Fragile Things by She's a Star reviews
"I'll miss the winter . . . a world of fragile things . . . " After her death, Satine looks back on the place and people she left behind.
Moulin Rouge - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,851 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 12/21/2003 - Published: 4/27/2003
Moulin Madness! by She's a Star reviews
Thoroughly unsatisfied with the dismal second half of Moulin Rouge, the Duke and Christian commiserate over absinthe and come to the conclusion that the movie would be much better if they traded physical characteristics...Disaster ensues. :)
Moulin Rouge - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,851 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 12/21/2003 - Published: 11/10/2002
One Certain Thing by Miss Becky reviews
[From Hell] The day Abberline's wife dies, Godley makes a promise.
From Hell - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,352 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/6/2003
The Headfull Horseguy by Spoofmaster reviews
A moviebased parody. Ickyboo Crow goes to Stupid Hollow to solve the mystery of the bodystealing Horseguy. Woooooooo. Now edited for typos.
Sleepy Hollow - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 13,780 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 8/21/2003 - Published: 3/9/2003 - Complete
A Story About Love by She's a Star reviews
A different time, a timeless story....When Christian Matthews is forced into going to a nightclub by his friends, he never dreams one of the prostitutes there will change his life. Now finished.
Moulin Rouge - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 34,252 - Reviews: 340 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 6/12/2002 - Published: 1/29/2002
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Grim Adventures of Grim reviews
A peeved Mandy sends Grim on a quest to do away with a certain fanfiction author...but has quite a bit of trouble along the way. Rated for naughty language and even more naughty graphics and other bad stuff.
Grim and Evil - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,062 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 7/29/2005 - Published: 12/19/2004
The AU of Doom! reviews
I'm back with two new chapters! Ha, I am not quite dead...yet.
Moulin Rouge - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 31,234 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 11 - Updated: 1/21/2005 - Published: 7/11/2004
Benny and Joooooooon reviews
IT'S ALIIIIIVE! The parody everyone hates to love written by the author everyone loves to love! Ah, heh. Just read it. ...Please?
Misc. Movies - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,277 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 10/8/2004 - Published: 9/25/2004
Drake and Josh and Their Quest to be Cool reviews
New and improved! (snort) All Drake and Josh wanted to do was go to the Viper Room and hang out with all the cool celebrities. But desperate times call for desperate measures...
Drake & Josh - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,550 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/22/2004
The ::bleep:: Notebook! reviews
[BASED ON THE BOOK, NOT THE MOVIE!] It's the book everyone loves to hate! Or at least I do... Dun dun dun!
Notebook - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,417 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/5/2004
Misunderstood reviews
My first AND LAST angsty dramatic poem about Gollum. Written for school. Sorry, my hat is making me high... R&R and you shall recieve many an octagon pancake!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Angst/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 456 - Reviews: 15 - Published: 2/29/2004 - Gollum