Poll: Do you want A Deal With A God and The Makings Of A Champion to incorporate Sixth Gen? This includes new Pokemon, Mega Evolution, the whole nine yards. Vote Now!
Author has written 13 stories for Pokémon, Minecraft, and Undertale.
From: Bakersfield, CA
Occupation: Student at my local community college while I try to figure my life out.
Favorite Colors: Blue, Green and Red (in tandem with Sapphire, Emerald and Ruby)
Favorite Games: Pokemon. I'm so devoted that I've become a living Pokedex. It's true!
Favorite Character: Don’t really have one
Top Twenty Favorite Legends: Arceus, Creation Trio (Giratina, Dialga, Palkia), Eon Duo (Latias and Latios), Weather Trio (Rayquaza, Kyogre, Groudon), Alphabet Trio (Xerneas, Yveltal, Zygarde), Mew, Victini, Meloetta, Darkrai, Deoxys, Kyurem, Reshiram, Regigigas
Top Twenty Favorite Pokemon: Gallade, Swampert, Vespiquen, Volcarona, Kingdra, Froslass, Ninjask and Shedinja, Flygon, Aurorus, Aegislash, Sableye, Rotom, Scizor, Dragalge, Chandelure, Bisharp, Hydreigon, Gengar, Starmie. Try to figure out the connection here!
Favorite Region; Hoenn
Favorite Pokemon Game; Pokemon XD; Gale of Darkness
Favorite Music: Oldies, music from the 60s mostly
Favorite Song Currently: Creedence Clearwater Revival, "Proud Mary".
Favorite Genre: Comedy, Romance, Fantasy
Inspiration To Start Writing; Because let's face it, we all had one. Mine was galladefenrir44.
This isn't me:
I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said
"I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll." Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him and asked
"Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' The old lady replied
''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her." I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly
"No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this.
"My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said
"I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me
"I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy
"Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''
"OK" he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said
"Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added
"I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me! I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. My mommy loves white roses."
A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started; I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.
Was this the family of the little boy?
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.
And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:
1) Repost this message, or 2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart.
99% of teenagers would cry if they saw Justin Bieber above the skyscraper about to jump; copy and paste this to your profile if you're the 1% who would stand there with popcorn yelling, "Do a backflip!" Whoo hooo!!
Most teens would suffer a heart attack if they saw somebody burning Twilight.Repost this and add your name if you'd be singing campfire songs and toasting marshmallows around it: Ninjakat403, HetaliaSparkleParty, Gir'sdoomsongofdoom, Fluteorwrite, Squintz, Honeyshine, PJOfan4evaGreekgeek, Pokegirlandthorn, EmeraldDragon1
-Be optimistic... all the people you hate are eventually going to die!!
-Sometimes I wonder, "Why is that Frisbee getting bigger?" And then it hits me!
-What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
-I have PMS and a gun... now, what were you saying?
-A friend will visit you in jail; a good friend will bail you out of jail, and a best friend will be fighting you for the top bunk.
-They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
-It's always the last place you look. Well of course it is. Why the heck would I keep looking after I found it?
-When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.
-You're laughing now because you're older than me by mere months. But when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
-Some people are alive only because its illegal to kill them.
-He who laughs last thinks the slowest.
-Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
-Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge; others just gurgle.
-If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk.
-There's a light at the end of every tunnel; just pray it's not a train.
-Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
-When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep; not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
-Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
-I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
-Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
-You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.
-I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
-OK, so what's the speed of dark?
-It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am.
-Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
-Normal people worry me.
-The only reason that I talk to myself is because that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
-I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down...
-The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.
-We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.
-Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
-I'm not a complete idiot; Some parts are missing.
-Stupidity killed the cat; Curiosity was framed.
-They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
-If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.
-Don't steal; the government hates the competition.
-I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
-When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
-Success only occurs in private; failure happens in full public view.
-Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”
-The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a fast approaching train.
-When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.
-You know it's a bad day when you fall out of bed and you miss the floor.
-War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
-Growing older is mandatory; growing up is optional.
-I've heard that its possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. And I'm certainly not going to be the first.
-Kids are the future. Be afraid; be very afraid.
-Sometimes you make me so mad I wanna throw you in the middle of ongoing traffic, but then I realize I would probably kill myself trying to save you.
-Keep on talking; maybe one day you'll say something intelligent.
-It's you and me versus the world... we attack at dawn.
-If all else fails, try reading the instructions.
-When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
-If you can't convince them, confuse them.
-Ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies.
-Out of my mind. Back whenever.
-The trouble with life is there's no background music.
-I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.
-I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it!
-Save trees: don't do homework.
-When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eyes.
Here's a good motivation!
Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon!
An elevator smells very different to a midget.
25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER;
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE;
2. My mother taught me RELIGION;
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC;
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC;
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT;
7. My mother taught me IRONY;
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS;
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM;
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA;
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER;
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY;
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE;
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION;
15. My mother taught me about ENVY;
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION ;
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING;
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE;
19. My mother taught me ESP;
20. My mother taught me HUMOR;
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT;
22. My mother taught me GENETICS;
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS;
24. My mother taught me WISDOM;
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE;
This is sweet...
Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Girl: Do you like me?
Girl: Do you want me?
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Girl: Would you live for me?
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Girl: Choose--me or your life
Boy: My life
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and tells her:
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you are my life.
If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile
Here's a petition against racism; join me in the cause for equality!
An African-American man walked into a restaurant, whereupon the person at the register pointed to a sign and said
"Excuse me, sir, we don't allow colored people here."
The African-American man turns to him and replies
"Excuse me, sir, but when I am born, I am black. While I grow, I remain black. When I'm cold, I'm black; when I'm hot, I'm black; when I'm sick, I'm black. And when I die, I will still be black. When you're born, you're pink; while you grow, you turn white; when you're cold, you're blue; when you're hot, you're red; when you're sick, you're green. And when you die, you will turn purple."
The African-American paused for a second to let that sink in. He turned to leave, but before he walked out the door, he turned back to the clerk and told him
"Think about what I just told you, and ask yourself this; which one of us is really colored?"
If you hate racism as much as I do, copy and paste this onto your profile and add your name; EmeraldDragon1
Kids Are Quick:
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
(I love this kid)
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Getting HIGH meant swinging at the playground?
The worst thing you could get from boys was c0oties?
Mom (was your hero)
and Dad was the boy you were gonna marry?
And your worst enemies were your siblings, and race issues were about who ran the fastest?
When War was a card game and life was simple and carefree?
Remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?
Put this in your profile if you're still 5 inside...no matter how old you are.
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY: COPY and PASTE this if you started giggling, laughing, nodding your head, thought this was hilarious, etc, while you read this!
1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
3. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman "Where's the self-help section?". She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions??
8. If a deaf person signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
10. Is there another word for synonym?
11. Where do Forest Rangers go to "Get away from it all?"
12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
15. Why do they lock the gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
19. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
20. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
21. How is it possible to have a civil war?
22. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
23. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
24. If you try to fail, and succeed in doing so, which have you done?
25. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
26. If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times, do they become disoriented?
5 Truths of Life.
1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue.
2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, try it.
3. The first truth is a lie.
4. You're smiling right now because you know you fell for it. (Idiot!)
5. You still have a stupid smile lingering on your face.
Now, if you fell for it (I know you did!), copy & paste this into your profile.
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom; don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout "AMEN!".
5.Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks; once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
7.Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the Prophecy".
9. Skip down the hall rather than walk; see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.Specify that your drive-through order is "To go".
12. Sing along at the Opera.
14. Put Mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!".
18. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!".
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go".
20. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
21. Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom".
22. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity;
Copy and Paste this to make people who read bios smile.
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile.
These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...
On a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (You can't tell me what to do!)
On a bag of chips: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (Oh, crap...)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (Frozen food for thought)
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down". (NOW you tell me!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". (You don't say?!)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (I have a schedule to keep, you know)
On Boots Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Didn't we outlaw child labor?)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (NO... WAY!)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what?)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: Keep out of children. (Que?!)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other uses." (Which would be...?)
On packet of Nobbys' Peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Shit just got real!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (I blame the parents for this one)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". (Why do we have to address this directly?)
On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions: "Put on fork and eat." (No! Really? We're supposed to eat it?!)
On Bath Salts Directions: Put in water. (Fffffuuuuuu...!)
On Brownie Mix Directions: Preheat oven, mix brownie mix eggs, water and oil, bake, eat. (What if I don't trust my own cooking?)
Mattress: Do not attempt to swallow. (I don't even know how this is possible)
Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. (Sentence; the electrical chair)
A sign on a Telephone pole: Do not post signs. (I hate hypocrites)
Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required. (Some assembly required? What, does it need batteries, too?)
On earplugs: These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe. (Oh good, I thought it was just going to be another warning about cancer!)
On Nabisco Easy Cheese: For best results, remove cap. (Nah, I'll take my chances)
On a Life Saving Device: This is not a Life-Saving Device. (Irony at its finest)
On a Shark Vacuum Cleaner: 1. Do not use to pick up gasoline or flammable liquids 2. Do not use to pick up anything that is currently burning. (Like that gasoline...?)
Various Computers: Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue. (A hammer might be more effective)
On the Japanese GameCube: Do not attempt to stick head inside deck, which may result in injury. (Well... if you say so...)
On a can of bug spray:“Harmful to bees”. (So... is it the right product??)
On a TV remote control: “Not dish washer safe”. (I'll take 500 for stupidity...)
A Television Owner’s Manual "Do not pour liquids into your television set." (Okay, scratch that. I'll take five hundred on dumb people)
A New Zealand insect spray "Not tested on animals." (Obviously... you tested it on insects, duh!)
A cardboard sun-shield that keeps sun off the dashboard "Do not drive with sun-shield in place." (Can you say "oops" before we crash?)
A cartridge for a laser printer "Do not eat toner." (I have a doctor's note...)
A computer mouse "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." (So what am I supposed to throw, the monitor?!)
A container of underarm deodorant "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." (A human's ingenuity...)
A dishwasher carries this warning "Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher." (Oh... Sorry kids, can't play in there anymore...)
A sharpening stone "Knives are sharp." (You don't say!)
A snow-blower warns "Do not use snow-blower on roof." (And how exactly am I supposed to get a snow-blower on the roof?)
A baby stroller "Remove child before folding." (Don't tell the wife...)
A pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." (How long did it take for them to figure that out?)
An electric router made for carpenters "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." (Hear that, rednecks?)
A rock garden; "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." (I beg to differ)
Wet-Nap: Tear open packet and use. (And then...?)
A Fruit Roll-Up snack "Remove plastic before eating." (So many details...)
On a bag of Marshmallows: "Flammable" (What? (Holding out marshmallow over a fire))
Children's Aspirin: Warning: Keep Away From Children. (We need to straighten our priorities out)
Candle: Warning: A burning candle is on fire. (Good to know...)
Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking (I'm on a tight schedule!)
McDonald's Coffee: Warning! Drink may be hot! (Oh, really?!)
Arm & Hammer Cat Litter: Safe to use around pets. (OH, REALLY?!?!)
Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado. (... um...)
Matches: WARNING: Contents may catch fire. (They oughta...)
Toilet Plunger: Do not use near power lines. (Um... okay?)
Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts. (Since when?!)
Windex: Do not spray in eyes. (Yeah, that's what bleach is for!)
37 Things to do in an Elevator
Saw this link on a profile... decided to try it out... this is what I got (
You are somewhat shy, or at least unwilling to spend all your time socializing. With you it's true that "still waters run deep," which is why many of your acquaintances never get to know you well.
You are not always ready to talk at the drop of a hat. Whether you're in the office or at a party, you're not likely to be found gabbing away in the middle of a group of people.
You are a private person, not very comfortable in a big group, and view excessive socializing as a waste of time.
You do not prefer hanging out with others to spending time alone; you do not tend to feel at home in a crowded room, club, stadium, or auditorium.
You like your own company; you're a very interesting person. Tracking your own mental processes, knowing what you're thinking and why you do what you do, is important to you. Often, what's going on in your mind is more compelling than what's going on outside. For the most part, those with a high score on the "introspective" trait enjoy reading, taking long walks, learning new things, and other solitary activities.
You are not someone who is constantly looking to be among a group of friends; you never feel bored when you are by yourself.
You like to get to the bottom of things. You're not content knowing what someone did; you want to know why they did it.
You don't simply take things as they are and move on; you're not content skimming along on the surface; you don't feel you're wasting time by digging for the meaning of things.
You may be comfortable on your home turf, but you have a tendency to be self-conscious in an unfamiliar environment. While you're usually at ease with your friends, you can be a little skittish around strangers.
You usually don't feel at home in unfamiliar settings or with new people. When you get rattled, you don't necessarily recover instantly.
You very rarely make a move without first considering the pros and cons and, therefore, rarely do anything foolish or extravagant.
You are not rash; you almost never act before you think and, therefore, rarely end up doing things you later regret.
You like to think a task through before you embark on it. If it's the slightest bit complicated, you make a list (even if it's only in your mind) and methodically work your way through it. When you have a goal in mind, you're not satisfied until you reach it.
You are not one of those people who ignore the details, and you don't understand how anyone can get anything accomplished without thoughtful planning ahead of time.
You have found that people with sad stories are usually looking for attention or have brought their problems upon themselves. Therefore, you don't obsess about what others are thinking or feeling; if they have something important to tell you, you figure, they'll just come out and say it.
You do not feel the need to always know what people around you are thinking and feeling, and you don't encourage them to turn to you when they have problems.
You tend to hold onto your thoughts until you have something important to say, and even then you're not comfortable imposing your ideas on others unless you know they're truly interested.
You don't enjoy talking for the sake of talking, and you have no desire to be the center of attention.
You like to stick to your own business and leave the power struggles to others; you know who you are and what you believe in, but you don't see any reason to impose your values on everyone else.
You generally don't get involved in organizing or motivating people, and you don't feel the need to always be seen as a big public decision-maker.
Rules Men Wish Women Knew!
1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. Or a bed.
2. It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss’ car.
- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who is playing.
10. You may be flatulent in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model... and only when it’s free.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15. If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem.You didn’t see anything.
16. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both; that’s just greedy.
19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.
20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
- Yeah, Baby, Push it!
- C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
- Another set and we can hit the showers!
22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing (i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.) For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26. Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27. The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.
28. There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or men’s gymnastics. Ever.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.
2. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
3. Don’t make us guess.
4. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
5. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. He’s never thinking about “The Relationship.”
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.
8. Dogs are better than cats.
9. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
10. Shopping is not everybody’s idea of a good time.
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have too many shoes.
14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.
15. Your brother is an idiot.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
17. No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
18. Share the bathroom.
19. Share the closet.
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like sex in the morning.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. Check your oil.
25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
26. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.
27. If you think you’re getting on the heavy side, you probably are. Don’t make us suffer, too.
28. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.
29. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
30. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
32. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
33. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.
34. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
Food For Thought
1.Politics is the most accurate word in our language, because "Poli" means "many", and "tics" means "blood sucking insects".
2."Pro" is a suffix meaning "going with" or "supporting". Hence the word "Progress". However, "Con" is a suffix meaning "To oppose against", hence the word... wait...
3.If vegetarians only eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
4.Power corrupts, and Absolute power is actually pretty neat.
Funny Quiz: Student got 0% in his exam even when he didn't get anything wrong.
Q1: In Which Battle Did Napoleon Die?
Ans: *In his last battle
Q2: Where Was The Declaration Of Independence Signed?
Ans: *At the bottom of the paper
Q3: River Ravi Flows In Which State?
Q4: What Is The Main Reason For Divorce?
Q5: What Is The Main Reason For Failure?
Q6: What Can You Never Eat For Breakfast?
Ans: *Lunch and Dinner
Q7: What Looks Like Half An Apple?
Ans: *the other half
Q8: If You Throw A Red Stone Into The Blue Sea, What Will It Become?
Ans: *It will simply become wet
Q9: How Can A Man Go Eight Days Without Sleeping?
Ans: *No problem, he sleeps at night
Q10: How Can You Lift An Elephant With One Hand?
Ans: *You will never find an elephant that only has one hand
Q11: It Took Eight Men Ten Hours To Build A Wall, How Long Will It Take Four Men To Build It?
Ans: *No time at all, the wall is already built
Q12: How Can You Drop An Egg On A Concrete Floor Without Cracking It?
Ans: *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
This is really sweet...
When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind;
When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply;
When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around;
When a girl answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds, she is not fine at all;
When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying;
When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever;
When a girl wants to see you everday, she wants to be pampered;
When a girl says "I love you", she means it;
When a girl says "I miss you", nobody could miss you more than that;
Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person;
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, and calls you back when you hang up on him;
The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep;
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead;
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats;
The one who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him;
The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her.";
If you read this, you have to repost it, guy or girl, or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life;
If you repost this, in five minutes your true love will call or message you;
Tonight at midnight, they will realize that they love you.
Something good will happen at approximately 1:42 pm tomorrow, and it could happen anywhere.
So get ready for the biggest shock of your life.
If you don't repost this, you will be cursed with relationship problems for all of eternity.
Repost this to your profile, and spare yourself the emotional stress.
FANFICTION- UNITED NATIONS!! Has anyone else noticed how a lot of us get along and make friends on here and we can be from completely different countries? WTF!? We're here making world peace on the INTERNET and we have all those ambassadors and senators and whatever struggling with it!! If you realize this (or read this and agreed) copy and paste this and add your name and country (country is optional) to the list. SPREAD THE PEACE!!: Naruto-fan-Okami-chan (USA), NaraTemari011 (Puerto Rico), Lala girl in Lalaland (USA), Kakashi Forever (England), ChiyoChiyamamoto (USA), Mischa Rowe (Australia), Ita-hime (Canada), Little-bad-Angel(Austria), Bloody.-.Fang5507(USA), Greywing44 (USA) Chidori Minami(USA), Pokemonfan6000(USA), EmeraldDragon1(USA)
What am I afraid of out of 72 common fears? (Bold= applies to me; Italicized= opposite)
The dark, staying single forever, being a parent, giving birth (check my gender; it's self-explanatory), being myself in front of others, open spaces, closed spaces, heights, dogs, birds, fish, spiders (specifically Black Widows), flowers or other plants, being touched (except by my significant other, if I can find her).
Fire, deep water, snakes, silk, the ocean, failure, success, thunder/lightning, frogs/toads, my boyfriend's/girlfriends dad, boyfriends/girlfriend's mom, rats, jumping from high places (depends on what's holding me up), snow, rain, wind, crossing hanging bridges, death (not so much the end, just how I get there), heaven, being robbed, falling, clowns.
Dolls, large crowds of people (really more like distinctly uncomfortable), men, women, having great responsibilities, doctors, including dentists, tornadoes, hurricanes, incurable diseases, sharks, Friday the 13th (that's actually my lucky day!), ghosts, poverty, Halloween, school, trains, odd numbers, even numbers, being alone, becoming blind, becoming deaf, growing up, creepy noises in the night, needles, dinosaurs (they're kinda, you know, extinct), the welcome mat, high speed, throwing up, falling in love, super secrets
You Say Pink
I Say Blue
You Say Hannah Montana
I Say Dusty Springfield
You Say Jonas Brothers
I Say The Beatles
You Say One Direction
I Say Four Seasons
You Say Zac Efron
I Say Neil Diamond
You Say Rap
I Say Oldies
You Say I'm Weird
I Say "Ask me if I care."
Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that.
Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
The cops never find it as funny as you do.
Education is important; school, however, is another matter.
Don't look at me in that tone!
I'm not afraid of death. What's it going to do? Kill me?
I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.
Therapist = The/rapist . . . Scary thought.
Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!
I'm not insane, and the voices in my head agree with me.
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse
Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't
I'm sarcastic; what's your superpower?
A friend is a person that knows you are a good egg, even though you are slightly cracked.
What doesn't kill me better run pretty dang fast.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift- that's why we call it the present.
Have you noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anybody driving faster is a maniac?
I can insult my best friend, but heaven help you if you do.
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it into a fruit salad.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more.
If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey; I don't live to please you!
When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the person who made you mad.
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking so good either.
I'm sorry, yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look too impressed.
Anger is one letter short of danger.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask directions.
Excuse me, have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it.
If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?
If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?
Since a running back runs forward, why is he called a running back?
Why is "number" abbreviated as "No.", When there is clearly no "o" in number?
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
When a boy is named after his dad, he is called 'Junior,' but what do you call a girl that is named after her mother?
If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?
If all of the Acme stuff doesn't work, why does Wile E. Coyote keep buying their products?
364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, it's encouraged! Why is that?
If Pinocchio said "my nose will grow now" what will eventually happen?
There aren't enough supporters! The world survives on love, yet we reject it? Spread the word
I'm sorry that I bought you roses to tell you that I like you;
I'm sorry that I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk;
I'm sorry that my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants;
I'm sorry that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised;
I'm sorry that I'm not cute enough to be "your guy";
I'm sorry that I am actually nice, not a jerk;
I'm sorry I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things;
I'm sorry I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of to a club;
I'm sorry I would rather make love to you then just screw you like some random guy;
I'm sorry that I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date;
I'm sorry that I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy;
I'm sorry that I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend;
I'm sorry If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around;
I'm sorry If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work
I'm sorry that you can't realize I've been the one all along;
I'm sorry If you read this and know somebody like this but don't care.
But most of all,
I'm sorry for not being sorry anymore;
I'm sorry that you can't accept me for who I am;
I'm sorry I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world;
I'm sorry I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for;
I'm sorry that I told you I loved you and actually meant it;
I'm sorry that I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family;
I'm sorry that I cared;
I'm sorry that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.
Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.
If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'
If you're one of the few girls with enough balls to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'
Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?
What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Without looking, guess what time it is:
What's the real time?
With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The train rolling by.
When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Yesterday, coming home from college.
Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Someone else's profile.
What are you wearing?
Pajama pants, regular shirt, and my Snuggie.
Did you dream last night?
I don't think so, but I probably did.
When did you last laugh?
Yesterday, realizing a classmate made a dumb mistake.
What is on the walls of the room you're in?
Paint (literally, blue paint).
Seen anything weird lately?
Imagine your first child is a girl. What do you name her?
Imagine your first child is a boy. What do you name him?
Alexander (Alex for short).
What kind of hair/eye colors do you like on the opposite gender?
Red hair, blue eyes.
Where can you see yourself being proposed to/proposing at?
Perhaps a fancy restaurant.