Okay, here goes.

Age: Guess correctly, and recieve virtual cookies and an author favorite alert (3 guesses)

Height: Lemme go find a measuring stick... 5' 3" (161cm)(shut up Davy)

Weight: I don't have that much fat, but I'm somewhat heavy for my height (it's the muscle, you say?)

Sexuality: Do I look like it matters to me? Oh wait... Eh, who cares. I'm bisexual.

Ambitions: Learn parkour, become a paramedic, get rich, write a fic, bitchslap over half the authors on this site... Yeah, the list goes on.

People to Bitchslap (and Why):

1. Fujoshi, or yaoi fangirls, because not all anime guys are gay. I'll be honest, I read some slash fics (male and female whoo), but come on. Naruto? And Sasuke? Together? The concept of liking guys doesn't even occur to Naruto unless it's outright stated. Not to mention... willing association with Jiraiya? Oiroke no Jutsu? Do those look like indicators of gayness? Also... Sasuke has the sex drive of a sea sponge. The End.

There are too many fujoshi pairings like this, where the characters are so clearly straight it's not even funny. Or where it's just so wrong it's sick. On the other hand, there are pairings that are possible, and even some that are likely. Point and case, KuroFai from TRC. It's practically canon.

2. But once you get to pairings that are good, you get the fujoshi girls again who think that these are the type of people to make wild love confessions and offers of marriage and eternal together-ness. Fuck. No. Even two girls on happy crack wouldn't reach that level of sappy shit in real life; it fits most couples the way Umbridge's skirt fits Hagrid.

3. Authors who make Mary-Sues/Gary-Stus. 'Nuff said.

4. All self-righteous fuckwits who bash on people like Kuwabara. He's the sweetest, kindest delinquent that ever managed to get good grades in school, even though he fights demons on the side, all while staying true to his code of honor and being the most loyal friend you can ask for. And yet people hate him because he's the one who has to restore normality when Yusuke's moping, usually by exaggerating his somewhat loud persona. They hate him because he doesn't do anything important... If you leave out him giving Yusuke (the main character) motivation in dire circumstances and being the sole factor for his continued existence on several occasions, as well as his rei-ken being the sole focus of the 'bad guys' in the biggest conflict of the series. Clearly he's totally worthless. And they hate him subconciously because he's not as ridiculously powerful and attractive as the other protagonists.

Now that I've annoyed you by going on a ranting binge, I challenge you to read Xenocide (sequel to Ender's Game and Speaker for the Dead) and understand the not-real realspace theory the first time through. Except for the sewing machine thing. Seriously, the guy who came up with it was apparently an insane genius obsessed with lace or something, 'cuz the theory for that was... Yeah.

Fandoms: Yu Yu Hakusho, Yu-Gi-Oh!, D. Gray-man, Blue Exorcist, Naruto, Rurouni Kenshin, Fullmetal Alchemist, Durarara, Danny Phantom, Doctor Who, Rise of the Guardians, Black Butler, Nura: Rise of the Yokai Clan, Bleach, Sword Art Online, Attack on Titan, HunterxHunter, Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles, xxxHolic, Kamisama Hajimemashita (I'm not girly, I swear!), and occasionally Stargate: SG-1 and Avengers.

Characters: Hiei, Kurama, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Genkai, Shizuru, Bakura, Yugi, Atem, Kaiba, Allen Walker, Yuu Kanda, Lavi, Tyki, Road, Rin and Yukio Okumura, Naruto Uzumaki, Shikamaru Nara, Obito Uchiha, Kakashi Hatake, Kenshin Himura, Ed and Al Elric, Riza Hawkeye, Roy Mustang, all the mains of Drrr, Ten, Nine, Amy, Rory, Eleven, Zuko, Toph, Malfoy, Skullduggery, Jack Frost, Undertaker, Rikuo Nura (Day and Night), Kubinashi, Toushiro Hitsugaya, Kirito, Asuna, Levi, Killua Zoldyck, Tony Stark, Fred and George Weasley, Youou Kurogane, Fai D. Flourite, and Artemis Fowl. (Why the fuck is this list missing Portgas D. Ace, that is some bullshit right there)(Also Zoro, because dammit he will n

Killua Zoldyck should've been obvious. If it wasn't, I've got some bad news...

Edit: God this profile is beautiful, it's been a couple years. I was honestly expecting this thing to be some horrible bullshit but it's actually not so bad. Also, Homestuck has become my all-time favorite sorry everyone, and it will always be Dave Strider ftw with Rose Lalonde second, and Karkat Vantas as a close third.

THE FIRST TEN LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL

1. We are here to help you.

2. You will have time to get to your class before the bell rings.

3. The dress code will be enforced.

4. No smoking is allowed on school grounds.

5. Our football team will win the championship this year.

6. We expect more of you here.

7. Guidance counselors are always available to listen.

8. Your schedule was created with you in mind.

9. Your locker combination is private.

TEN MORE LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL

1. You will use algebra in your adult lives.

2. Driving to school is a privilege that can be taken away.

3. Students must stay on campus during lunch.

4. The new text books will arrive any day now.

5. Colleges care more about you than your SAT scores.

6. We are enforcing the dress code.

7. We will figure out how to turn off the heat soon.

8. Our bus drivers are highly trained professionals.

9. There is nothing wrong with summer school.

10a. We want to hear what you have to say.

10b. These will be the years you look back on fondly.

Favorite Quotes:

"GA: Considering That Youre Obviously Not That Smart

GA: And Basically Understand Whipping Bugwinged Fuckall About Even The Most Elementary Temporal Mechanics

GA: I Am A Bit Perplexed As To Why I Find Myself So Vehemently Fondling The Short End Of The Antagonism Stick Here"

"CG: YOU'RE LIKE A ROCKET PROPELLED SPAZ MAGGOT SPRINGLOADED UP THE ASS OF A PSYCHEDELIC FUCKING FREAKOUT WEASEL ON IDIOT DRUGS SO LETS NOT PLAY MAKEBELIEVE GAMES HERE."

"THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE AGAINST CLASSICAL MUSIC I'LL RAM MY TROMBONE SO FAR UP YOUR HOOHAH WHEN SOMEONE EATS YOU OUT THEY'LL BE ABLE TO PLAY THE SOLO FROM SIBELIUS'S SYMPHONY IN C"

"Your face fascinates me, but what are you going to do when the baboon wants its ass back?"

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”

“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”

“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”

“I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.”

“The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.”

“I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.”

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”

“The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”

“Reality continues to ruin my life.”

“Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.”

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.”

“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”

“Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?”

“Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources”

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.”

“All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.”

“Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.”

“There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

“Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”

“Life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid.”

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”

“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”

“I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.”

“I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.”

“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”

“Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

"A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that."

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”

"Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?"

"If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now."

"It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination."

"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."

"Doors are for people with no imagination."

"We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.”

An optimist is someone who falls off the empire state building and after 50 floors says, "So far so good!"

I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I could repeat them exactly.

Do not disturb, I'm disturbed already.

Flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

Football is a game in which a handful of fit men run around for a couple of hours watched by millions of people who could really use the exercise.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

I didn't used to finish sentences, but now I

"Once you put bacon into a salad, it is no longer a salad, but a game of 'find the bacon amongst these annoying green things'."

Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.

There are three types of people in the world. Ones that can count, and ones that cannot count.

Always remember that you're unique... Just like everyone else.

"CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!"

Irony: Falling down the stairs due to the distraction of the "Watch your step" sign.

An apple a day will keep the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, SCREW THE FRUIT!

All generalizations are false, including this one.

I used up all my sick days, so I called in dead.

The greatest feats are accomplished by people who are too stupid to know that they're impossible.

My best friends are the kind of friends that, when my house is on fire, will be roasting marshmallows and flirting with the firemen.

I swear to Drunk, I'm not God!

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' is congress the opposite of progress?

I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women are allowed to cry, wear cute clothes, and are the first to be rescued off sinking ships.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - fear of long words.

I'm such a REBEL. I leave messages before the beep!

You are such a good friend! Now that our ship is sinking, and there is only one life vest... I'll miss you heaps and think of you often.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Don't follow in my footsteps - I walk into walls.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot.

Answering Machine:"Hello, this is Death. If you leave a name and phone number, I'll be right with you. It's a pleasure doing business with you!"

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
I am the person whose friend was beaten because she's gay.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.

That's all for today folks! Thank you for reading.