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Poll: Will you love Harry Potter Better than Twilight Vote Now!
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Joined 11-23-12, id: 4378041, Profile Updated: 01-04-16
Author has written 3 stories for Harry Potter, Twilight, Maximum Ride, and Book X-overs.

Before we start, you should know that I'm a : Butt- scooching, anti-smooching, dog -walking, fast talking, poetry-writing, pony-tail tightning, quick-witted, icecream-lickin', funnel cake maker, antishit-taker, couch pusher, face-smoosher, piccolo playin', flute player, fast- typin', video gaming, boy-shamin, anti-twerker, hard-worker,overachieving, book reading, strange shipper, wall-licker, movement startin', inevitably martian, Hufflepuffin', George lovin', Ex-skateboarding, WORLD DOMINATING, wannabe boxer, old-computer usin', not really human, Potterheadin', Hecate-cabining, Girl Scoutin', expert poutin', type of of chick. If you can't deal, than leave now or FOREVER hold your peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a cool new website as of today, 7/17/14. Follow the link http:///! You know you want to!

I picked my username, because in Native AMerican it means fire, which one of my old friends call me. I picked 2000, because it's gonna be a while until we get into the 3000, and T has something to do with my real name!!

username:ninat2000( I am on Fictionpress under Hecate'sHufflepuff)

SO, as you may have noticed, my original three stories are on a permanent hiatus. Truth is, I need something that I can look back on, and be impressed and proud of. While I might post some new crack fics, I want to be able to complete an entertaining story.

If you belive in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven

D.O.B:none of your business(unless you wanna give me a present)

Favorite State: California(you gotta love the ocean)

Favorite Video Game:The 'GTA Series' However , for P.C it's H1Z1 or CS:go

Favorite Bands:Panic!at the Disco, The Black Eyed Peas

Favorite Books:Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Percy Jackson: The Titan's Curse

Favorite element: Earth


If you were in Harry Potter what house would you wanna be in?


Who is your Harry Potter love?

George Weasley (even without an ear) However, I am a bit fond of BLaise Zabani (in other countries Zabini)

How many kids would you and your hp love have

blushes* I don't think that is any of your business now is it?

Do you have any OCs?

Not since I have improved my writing... Oh wait, I have a bunch in my MSE story.

95 of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the 5 who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list: AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929,SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix,Bust_A_Groover, Tecna, Triggonseed, The Only Innocent Writer Here-Yumi, Kikyouhater118, Midnight-angel-of-darkness, adngo714,cyber-porygon, the aku dragon of light, PirateCaptainBo; Ski Bo, pyro_manic19, ImmaLickYou, BloodredAngel808,tmmdeathwishraven, Spottedpool, oOHawkpathOo, Tavia99,NinaT2000


You have a short temper.

You often act on your emotions without thinking first.

You are very competitive.

You like to play with fire.

You are not a strong swimmer or you can't swim at all.

You prefer warm weather over cold weather.

You often lose control over yourself.

You can be quite reckless.

You sometimes hurt people without realizing it.

People have often called you insane.



You have a calm, laid-back personality

You like to go to the beach.

You rarely get angry.

When you do get angry, you know how to control it.

You think before you act.

You are good at breaking up fights.

You are a good swimmer.

You like the rain.

You can stay calm in stressful situations.

You are very generous.

Total: 5


You are physically strong.

You have a close connection with nature.

You don't mind getting dirty.

You form strong opinions on issues that concern you.

You could easily survive in the wild.

You care about the environment.

You can easily focus on your work without getting distracted.

You rarely get depressed.

You aren't afraid of anything.

You prefer to have a strict set of rules.



You have a free spirit.

You hate rules.

You prefer to be out in the open rather than in small, enclosed spaces.

You hate to be restrained.

You are very independent and outgoing.

You are quite intelligent.

You tend to be impatient.

You are easily distracted

You can sometimes be hyperactive and/or annoying.

You wish you could fly.

Total: 8


You spend most of your time alone

You prefer nighttime over daytime.

You like creepy things.

You like to play tricks on people.

Black is your favorite color.

You prefer the villains over the heroes in movies, TV shows, video games, etc.

You don't talk much

You are atheist.

You don't mind watching scary movies.

You love to break the rules.



You are very polite.

You are spiritual.

When someone is in trouble, you never hesitate to help them.

You believe everything you see or hear.

You are afaid of the dark.

You hate violence.

You hope for world peace.

You are generally a happy person.

Everyone loves to be around you

You always follow the rules.


Looks like my element is Earth.

If you actually take the time to read other peoples profiles, copy this to yours

If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile!

I'm a writer, and I'm proud of it. If you are, copy and paste this line into your profile.

If you have a scary crush on a book, anime, or game character copy and post this into your profile.

If you get hyper off of sugar or other hyper friends, copy and paste this to your profile. (I am the hyper one)

If you are random when you're happy, copy and paste this to your profile.

If your personality is a combo of different fictional characters, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you love copying and pasting stuff to your profile just for fun, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you love OC pairings, copy and paste this to your profile.

Copy and Paste this if you love copying and pasting

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever managed to steal cookies from the kitchen, without getting caught, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent that hasn't , copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like to read what people put in their profiles, and you like Copy & Paste stuff, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of authors confuse "you're" and "your". If you're one of the 2 percent who knows how to tell them apart, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever felt bored at school, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want a cookie right now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like to freak the hell out of people, just to see the look in their faces, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you don't give a damn about being popular, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever tickled the hell out of someone, copy and paste this into your profile.

Only fteefin prenect of poelpe can raed this. fI you are one fo taht prenect, cpoy and pstae tihs itno yuor porflie.

Drugs are bad news. Spread the word. Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your profile.

Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't, copy this into your profile.

98 of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like reading fics, copy and paste this into your profile.

If someone ever called you insane or crazy and you laughed, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever gazed blankly at somewhere, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever had a cute pet, copy and paste this it into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are part of the 0. 0000001 percent of people who don't have a MySpace, copy this onto your profile.

If you LOVE peanut butter, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you know that Hufflepuff is the best house on Harry Potter, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you dont have a facebook, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever accidently planted something by spitting thier seeds on the ground, copy and paste this on your profile.

Ways to Annoy people at the movie theater

Go, "Oooooh. . . " whenever anyone kisses.

Clap when the good guy gets killed. (DONE)

During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"( a lady shhhed me!)

Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"(yeah)

Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.(done!)

Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.

Yell out what is going to happen.(Hunger Games[when the hybrids jump out])

Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.

Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is. (I should try this)

Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.

Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.

Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.

Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.

Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.

Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino. . . )

Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.

Try to start a wave.(it didnt work out)

Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.

Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"(It was fun)

Sing with the theme music.

Bring and use your own air freshener.

At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies. "(done,i asked for the notebook)

Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.

Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.

Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.

Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.

Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.

Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.

When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"(done, turned out to be a creepy di=ude)

Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.(done)

Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.

Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.

Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.

Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.

Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.

Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theater room. (I'm thinking about doing this)

Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.

Bring a water gun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"

Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"

Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"

Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can hear it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.

Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.(done)

Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.

Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.(complete)

Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end. (done it)

I've actually done a few of those. (Obviously because i made comments next to the ones i have done)

You You You You You You You You

You You You You You You You

You You You You You You You

You You You You You You You

You are so lazy, you didn't read all of the 'You' s

So you didn't see that one 'You' was actually spelled "Yoo"

You probably looked over all of the 'you's

You realized I lied.


You say Twillight

I say Harry Potter

You say Vampires

I say Wizards

You say Jacob Black

I say Sirius Black

You say Team Edward

I say Team Potter

You say Robert Pattison

I'll say 'Is Cedric Diggory'

You say Pattison is hot

I'll say Tom Felton is HOTTER

You think Bella and Edward are the Perfect dream couple?

I think thats Ron and Hermione are the Perfect dream couple

You say "Twilight is the best"

I say "It has no gingers"

You say the Cullens

I'll say the Weasleys forever!

You say the Cullens sparkle


Copy/Paste this if you agree that Twilight is nothing compared with HP and it's magical glory

FUNNY STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When life gives you lemons, make grapefruit juice, and let Life wonder how the heck you did that!

When life gives you lemons, always check the ratings!

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Erin Hunter, Stephanie Meyer, and J.K. Rowling are all famous authors and female. Looks like us girls win this one again!

The very first ever Blonde GUY joke... And well worth the wait!

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican! opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

(Oh this is GOOD!!)?

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,

"Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch."

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are Coming' and I grinned."

"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling', and I had to smile.

"Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself."

"BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber Could Have Prevented This Accident'... I just lost it."


Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!

A Man Outsmarted By a Woman

When John found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later she became his stepmother.

Women are so much smarter than men

DAILY THOUGHT: Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs

Funny Story About School High School Reunion

Have you ever been guilty of looking at someone your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old?" You'll love this one.

My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which showed his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name who had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could this be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he beamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald wrinkled, fat, gray, decrepit son-of-a-gun asked, "What did you teach?" (I hope no one's going to say that about me when I'm older...)

From The Best Funny Story Files...
Funny Story About Men Magic Boyfriend

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what; metal, wood, stone. Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.


The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.

The prince went away sadly.

The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed.. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.

And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants? (Scroll down for the answer)

M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

What were you thinking? ;)

Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared him...

He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today

Feel honoured to serve such a leader who loves us...

If you believe in the the God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit

then copy and paste this in your profile

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me coloured"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Copy this onto your site and help stop racism!

This is a true story. All schools have a class clown, someone that gets on everyones nerves and that no one likes. There was one of these boys in this one school. Nobody liked him at all. He had no friends, the teachers hated him for his disruptiveness, and the students found him annoying beyond belief. He never seemed to care. One day, he had finally stepped on his teachers last nerve. What the teacher did was make everyone in the class stand up and tell the boy something they didn't like about him. As each of the thirty students stood up and said something about him they didn't like, he only sat and didn't seem to mind. All of the students did it.

That day, when school was out, the boy went home, grabbed his dads gun, and shot himself in the head.

If you think that the teacher was to blame, and that what she did was morally wrong and completely shameful, copy and paste this into your profile. Then, if you would have been the one to stand up and say "I'm not going to do this" then add your username to the list.
Antire5, EmoWolves of Shadow, Killercat-nya, Juura99, LoveUntilWeBleed, SoapMaster, Shifuni amdragjakelong'sgurl, Spottedpool,ninat2000


getting HiGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was c0otiEs?
'm 0 m' (was your hero)
and 'D a D' was the boy you were gonna marry?
when your W0RST ENEMiES were your siblings
and rAcE iSsuEs were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do

Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now


If you are a nerd and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?


To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"

5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana

7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!'

18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity put this on your profile!

Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"

Here goes:

(_!_) a regular a*

(_!_) a fat a*

(!) a tight a*

(_) a sore a*

{_!_} a swishy a*

(_o_) an a* that's been around

(_x_) kiss my a*

(_X_) leave my a*alone

(_zzz_) a tired a*

(_E=mc2_) a smart a*

(_$_) Money coming out of his a*

(_?_) Dumb A

You have just been e-mooned!

Send this to 5 people within the next hour

and you will be blessed with people laughing at your profile!

You know you're living in the twenty-first century when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work and you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your job redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.

14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go home and get it.

15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :-)

17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

(This is especially for teachers.)

Here is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School (California) staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.

This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

This is the actual answering machine message for the school: "Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:"

"To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1"

"To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work- Press 2"

"To complain about what we do - Press 3"

"To swear at staff members - Press 4

"To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5"

"If you want us to raise your child - Press 6"

"If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7"

"To request another teacher for the third time this year- Press 8"

"To complain about bus transportation - Press 9"

"To complain about school lunches - Press 0"

"If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!"

Go on, forward this to your friends know you want to.

1. the true meaning of friendship:


Lend you their umbrella


Take yours and say 'RUN girl RUN!'


Never ask for anything to eat or drink.


Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.


Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandma, by Grandpa.


Call your parents DAD and MOM and GRAMS, GRAMPS!


Would bail you out of jail.


Would be sitting next to you saying "THAT WAS FRICKING AWESOME"


Have never seen you cry.


Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you’re not down anymore.


Ask you to write down your number.


Have you on speed dial.


Only know a few things about you.


Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...


Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.


Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you


Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.


Loses your crap and tells you, "My's a tissue."


Would knock on your front door.


Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."


You have to tell them not to tell anyone.


Already know not to tell.


Are only through school/college.


Are for life.


Will comfort you when the guy rejects you


Will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?"


Will help you when you're lost


Will be giving you bad directions and screwing with your compass


Will go with you to a concert


Will be helping you kidnap the band


Will hide you from the cops


Are probably the reason they are after you


Will buy you a pregnancy test


Will be standing outside the bathroom door screaming, "Name it after me!"


Find your Prince Charming


Find him, kidnap him and then bring him to you


Will pick you up when you fall down


Will pick you up, then trip you again


Borrow your stuff for a few days then return it


Have had your stuff for so long they've forgotten it's yours


Will leave when they feel insulted


Will forgive you even if you don't know what you said wrong


Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying


Will cry with you and then go beat up the sorry loser who made you cry


Will offer you a soda


Will dump theirs on you


Will sit at the side of the pool with you when it's that time of the month


Will throw you a tampon and push you in


Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough


Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Girl, drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste that kind of shit!"


Will be crying at your funeral


Will be sitting in jail for killing the guy who murdered you


Would ignore this letter


Will repost this crap!

Copy and paste this if you have actually read NinaT2000's profile

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again. *Insert pic of TOTALLY damaged garage an car.*

Your loving wife.

P.S . Your girlfriend called.

For making it halfway through my profile, here's a little Q/A for ya!

Do you sleep with your closet door open, or closed?

Closed, having it open makes your A/C turn on.

Do you take the soap from hotels?

Duh, they throw them away if you leave them there! (at least, they are supposed too * shudders*)

Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in, in or out?

When I go to bed, they are tucked in, when I wake up, they're not.

Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

No, I've thought about it, when on fell down where I walk home.(Great questions)

Do you like using post-its?

Absolutely!!! I always run out though. :(

Do you cut out coupons, but never use them?

If I do, I never notice.

Would you rather be attacked by a big bear, or a swarm of bees?

A big bear, it makes for a better story.

DO you have freckles?

Kind of... My mom has freckles that she always covers up, but I randomly come across a freckle or two. I have one on my forehead.

DO you always smile for pictures?

No, my dad if a professional photographer, so it gets rather annoying.

What's your biggest pet peeve?

Bullies, whenever I see one, I want to deck them in the face.

Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

When I was younger...

Have you ever peed in the woods?

On numerous occasions. Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go.

What about poop?

O.o NO! That's way too far!

Do you ever dance to no music?

All the time! I do it a lot when I'm not paying attention to you.

Do you chew on your pens/ pencils?

I used to.

How many people have you slept with this week of 06/30-07/5?

Three. Me, myself, and I.

What size is your bed?

A twin.

What's your song of the week?

"Poor, Unfortunate Souls" sung by Flying_intherain. My school did the Little mermaid as a play, and she killed it!

Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

Sure. Wear what you want.

Do you still watch cartoons?

Yup! But I am still relatively young, so it's considered acceptable in society.

What is your least favorite movie?

Anything romantic. *Bleh*

Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had any?

In the Community Park sandbox. So kids can find it.

What do you drink with dinner?

Liquids... duh.

What do you dip chicken nuggets in?

Ranch. It goes with everything.Yum.

What is your favorite food?

Seafood, Nom nom!

What movie can you watch over and over again without getting bored of it?

White Chicks! Oh my goodness, I can quote every scene from that movie!!!

Last person you kissed/kissed you?

Erm... my mom? Sad, isn't it?

Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

Yes, I still am.

Would you ever strip/pose for a nude magazine?

Not in a million years.

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

Written? For an essay this year.

Stupid things! In bold are the thing's I've done.

1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself
8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand
9. Tried to push open a door that said pull
10. Tried to pull open a door that said push
11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion
12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs
14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle(IT was a golf cart okay!).
23. Have run into a closed door
24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else
25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot
36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. Walked into a pole
40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident (i do this on purpose)
41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on
43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.
46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. Have poked yourself in the eye
49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.
55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were

57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.
58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie
61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it
63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out-
70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. Ran into a door jam
74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. Have purposely licked playground sand
77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out
81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.
84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird
88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria
90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.
91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it
95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs.

CONGRADULATIONS!!!! You have made it half way through my profile!!!! KEEP GOING!!!!

You own a cell phone

You own something from Abercrombie.(I Wish...)
You own something from Pac sun.
You own something from Hollister.
You own something from American eagle.
You love/like going to the mall
You own an iPod/MP3 player.
You love Starbucks.
You have been called a brat.
You hate buying things that are on sale.
You have more than one house.
Total: 2/11


Black is one of your favorite colors.
You have thought about death.
You wear chains.
You like heavy metal.
You’ve shopped at Hot Topic.
You have worn black lipstick.

Your hair was/is dark.
You dislike preps. (they are irritating)
You’re an atheist


You can skateboard
You’ve worn plaid.
You like Converse.

You hate MTV.
You have/had blue, pink, red, purple, or green hair.
You dislike pink(i had pink hair so no)
You hate/dislike preps.
You wear/wore skateboarding shoes (converse!!)
Total: 7/8

You love the computer.
You love Harry Potter.
You are supposed to wear glasses/contacts
You get straight A's. (so close, though!)
You love/like reading.
You were/are in band.
You don't care what you look like.
You have a curfew.
You always do your homework.(My parents would skin me alive if I didn't)
You never miss school unless you're sick/on vacation.
Total: 10/10

ATHLETIC: i do archery and swimmming(well used to)

You watch/watched the Super bowl.

You own track shoes or other sports related shoes.
You collect your jerseys
You have a wall or shelf dedicated to your trophies / awards.
You have posters or plaques of famous athletes
Your garage consists of sports equipment.
You belong/belonged to a school sporst team
you'e been to a sports camp
You have a specific number. (27)
Total: 4/9

You like loud music.
You love/loved the Ninja Turtles
You never walk anywhere.
You wear/wore slip-on shoes.(I don't see how slip-on's have anything to do with being scene, though..)
You wear/wore Vans.
You like the band Panic! At the disco.
You wear band t-shirts.
People have called you a freak and meant it. (its a compliment! :D)
You love to "hardcore" dance.
Hair has been died more than 1 colour

You love hoodies.
You love jeans.
Dogs are better than cats.
Its hilarious when people get hurt
You've played with/against boys on a team
Shopping is torture

Sad movies suck.
You have played XBox
Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid(Heck yeah).
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter

You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
You watch sports on TV.
Gory movies are cool.
You go to your dad for advice
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect baseball/football cards.
Baggy pants are cool to wear.

Its kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.

Green, black, blue, red, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
Sports are fun.
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks on at night.
TOTAL: 21/25 (And I'm a girl xD)

You wear lip gloss/chapstick
You love to shop
You wear eyeliner
You wear pink the color
Go to your mom for advice.
You consider cheerleading a sport (heck no i don't)
You hate wearing the color black.
You like hanging out at the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.

You like wearing jewelry.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe. (I wear nothing but jeans...)
shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don't like the movie Star Wars.
You were in gymnastics/dance
It takes you around/more than one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
You smile alot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.(More so like, 3)
You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
You love the movies.
Used to play with dolls as a little kd.
Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
Like being the star of everything.
TOTAL: 7/24 (That's sad, and scary)

Female Comebacks

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing

77 Ways to Annoy Your Teachers

#1: When the PA comes on, scream "I HEAR THE VOICES!" and run around the class room.

#2: Bring a cheesy top hat to school. When the teacher tells you to "put on your thinking cap", put it on and claim that it is your thinking cap.

#3: If the teacher stops lecturing, clap your hands and chant "Don't stop! Don't stop!"

#4: Perform the classic "pin on the teacher's chair" prank

#5: Randomly shout out "Will you be my FRIEND?" (much like Klemper!)

#6: When your reading teacher asks if you read the assignment, casually say "I saw the movie."

#7: When you are caught doing something bad, such as talking, blame it on your imaginary friend

#8: Make a really big deal out of random things

#9: Make a huge show out of going up to the board to do a problem

#10: When talking about different cities/states/countries in Social Studies, claim "I went there!" for each one

#11: Whisper loudly for no apparent reason

#12: If a teacher mentions anything having to do with a song you know, stand up and belt out that song

#13: Bring a really strong and/or disgusting perfume/body spray and permeate the air inside of the classroom

#14: If a teacher asks you a question, smile slyly and say "It's a secret," mysteriously

#15: Drop your books on the floor periodically

#16: Hack into the PA system so that every time it comes on, it plays "Barbie Girl", the "Barney" theme song, or the "GhostBusters" theme song

#17: If a teacher asks you a question, snap at them and say "Hey! I ask the questions here, not you, buster!"

#18: Draw smiley faces everywhere

#19: Stay in the bathroom for a really long time

#20: Sing the school song at random times

#21: Go crazy with whoopee cushions

#22: Whenever there is lightning/thunder, scream like a girl and dive under your desk

#23: Randomly turn to the empty desk next to you and pretend to hold it hostage

#24: Talk in an annoying accent all day

#25: Run down the halls screaming "IT'S COMING!" When asked what, scream and get in their face "Don't you know? IT'S COMING!"

#26: Host a jocks versus nerds food fight

#27: Bring a stuffed animal to school. Act like it's a live thing all day.

#28: Talk like a combination of Mr. Lancer and Technus the whole day (oh the horror…)

#29: Randomly scream "OH MY GOSH! It's HANNAH MONTANA!"

#30: Hack into the computer system

#31: Bring your cell phone to class and set it for a really annoying ringtone. When it begins to ring, let it play until it's all done, then say "Oh, was that MY phone?"

#32: On a completely random day, throw a surprise birthday party for your teacher

#33: Criticize your teacher's favorite sports team

#34: Fill in your verbal answers with lots of "fillers" (that is, "ers", "ums", "uhs", etc.)

#35: On a test/worksheet, put down "I don't know" for every question, even if it's multiple choice

#36: In computer class, randomly scream "IT'S NOT WORKING!" When encountered, say "Are you BLIND? IT'S NOT WORKING!"

#37: When talking about the weather, fake a forecast in a deep weatherman voice (or act like Lance Thunder)

#38: Pose or freak out at the security cameras

#39: Repeatedly ask teachers for their autographs

#40: In the middle of a lecture, shout "HEY! I'm doing something over here you know! Jeez, some people are RUDE!"

#41: Stand outside of the classroom and act like a security guard. Ask people trying to get in for an ID

#42: During a tornado drill, grab the fire extinguisher and spray it all around

#43: Pull the fire alarm

#44: Come to school in your pajamas. When a teacher asks you about it, have a meltdown

#45: Go into the bathroom. When a teacher goes in, scream "THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!"

#46: "Graffiti" all over the whiteboard/chalkboard

#47: When there is a substitute, say "No, no, no, you're supposed to do it THIS way," to everything they say or do

#48: Come to school dressed as a superhero, Dora the Explorer, or Boots the monkey.

#49: If the teacher is late, help out by "taking over"

#50: If you disagree about something, start a huge rebellion

#51: In band, when the teacher tells you to stop, keep playing. When he/she finally gets your attention, say "That meant to stop? I wondered why everyone else stopped playing suddenly!"

#52: Advertise a "trash the teacher's lounge" event secretly

#53: When a teacher comes down the hallway, scream and jump into your locker

#54: Talk in rhyme all day. When asked about it, blame the GhostWriter (in rhyme, of course!)

#55: Write/say all of your answers in code/another language that your teacher doesn't know

#56: Change all of the clocks

#57: Place alarm clocks in random parts of the room and set them off so that they go off every five minutes

#58: When given an assignment, break down and cry "I CAN'T DO THIS!"

#59: Wear a bag over your head

#60: Do something annoying during a test

#61: In gym, when the teacher announces you'll be wrestling/boxing, stand up and proclaim "Violence is NOT the answer!"

#62: Take a sleeping pill so that you sleep during class

#63: If a ghost comes into the class, throw the Fenton Thermos at the teacher's head and smile innocently

#64: Spill balls all over the floor

#65: Shout out random things

#66: When given an 'F', say that you failed fashionably

#67: Wear slippers to school. When encountered, say "SHH! I'm spying!" in a loud whisper

#68: Dump sticky stuff EVERYWHERE

#69: In gym class, if hit even the slightest bit, act melodramatic. When encountered by the teacher, say "I see the light" dramatically

#70: Flip everything upside down

#71: Poke teachers in the stomach repeatedly. When encountered, say "I'm seeing I you're a robot, cause you drone a lot!"

#72: Give play-by-play commentary on everything

#73: Chew gum in class and make a big deal out of it

#74: When a teacher mentions something about you or your name, yell "STOP MOCKING ME!"

#75: Keep asking for Band-Aids. When asked about it, say "I'm making a modern art masterpiece! Why must everybody criticize me?"

#76: When answering a question orally, blather on and on

And for the Grand Finale…

#77: Get all of the kids to do a "High School Musical" thing all day

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself.
Like a crazy comment I made to my aunt was this "I wonder if you hit a squirrel if they would fly or just go sqwish on the ground" So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

IMPORTANT- Teenage girls who are NOT in love with Edward Cullen,are fast becoming an endangered species. If you are part of this endangered species, copy and paste this in your profile. Quick, we need sponsers!
95 of people would go nuts if Edward Cullen jumped off a building.
5 would proclaim that "VOLDEMORT KILLED CEDRIC ALREADY!"

Copy and paste if you are that 5%

olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??

Can mute people burp?

What happens if you put 'this side up 'face down while popping microwave popcorn?

Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

Why do all superheroes wear spandex?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

You say I'm not cool, but cool is another word for cold, if I'm not cold I'm hot, I know I'm hot thanks for embracing it.

If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?

Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner!
Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional...

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Everything here is edible. I'm edible, but that, my children, is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies

'Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers!'

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

He who laughs last didn't get it.


A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby

All men are equal before fish.
Herbert Hoover

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Jim Carrey

The fellow who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do.
Harold Coffin

History repeats itself. That’s one of the things wrong with history.
Clarence Darrow

There is life before coffee, It is not, however, intelligent life.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.
Albert Einstein


A horse walks into a bar, the barman says "Why the long face".however, as the horse is incapable of understanding the english language, it promptly shi* on the floor and leaves.

What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin

A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

How to creep out your roommate:

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, ''He just didn't belong.''(my favorite)

9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.

8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, ''The hair, it's growing. Growing!''

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, ''Soon, soon...''

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, ''I've got an important message for you.'' Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, ''Oh, yeah, I remember!'' Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, ''Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?'' Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, ''Hooray! You're back!'' as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, ''Shouldn't you be going somewhere?''

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, ''No, I want to watch them suffer.''

Believe it or not, these ads actually found their way into newspapers all over the world:

Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.

For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.

Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.

Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.

Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.

Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.

Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.

Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.

Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.

Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts

Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.

Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175.


Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.

Free puppies:1/2 cocker spaniel, 1/2sneaky neighbor’s dog.

Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.

German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.

Snow Blower for sale…only used on snowy days.

This is supposed to be the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.

- Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.(U.S air ship)

- Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.(Canadian authorites)

- This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.(U.S)

- No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.(Canadian Authorities)


- This is a lighthouse. Your call.(Canadian Authorities)

Dear Mrs. Denner,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Denner are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House-wares to go off at 5-minute intervals

July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House-wares. Get on it right away."

August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fatal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Once again we cannot tolerate this behaviour in our store.

Regards, Wal-Mart

To Be A Friend

If you've got friends like mine, raise your glasses. If you don't, raise your standards.


You're stupid. You fail. You're weird. You're not perfect.


Guess what? That's okay. Because I'm like that, too. We laugh at the randomest things. You know my ugliest side. Even though we disagree sometimes, we never fight. When I'm sad, you're always there to make sure I'm okay, and I'm there for you.


Love you, BEST FRIEND.

Best friends since 'pinky-swears' and 'double-dares'.

You want to get mad? Yell at me. You want to cry? Cry on my shoulder. You want a hand to hold? Grab mine.

She's my best friend. Break her heart, I'll break your face.

Your friends love you anyway.

Friendship isn't one big thing, it's the million of little ones.

Real friends will always be at your side, even when you tell them to leave.

Good friends are HARD to find, HARDER to leave, and IMPOSSIBLE to forget.

Friendship is born at that moment; when one person says to another, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one!"

My friends are the kind of people who, if my house were burning down, they'd jump in and rescue me, then break out the marshmallows and start hitting on the firemen.

“Are we going to be friends forever?” asked Piglet. “Even longer,” Pooh answered.

Because once upon a time, we were best friends. And, yes, there's been a lot of bad stuff in between. But none of that matters right now, okay? You need me, I'm there. Any time, any place, anywhere.

Side by side or miles apart, best friends are always close to the heart.

You can always tell when two people are best friends, because they'll be having way more fun than it makes sense for them to be having.

Friends are like stars; they come and go, but the ones that stay are the ones that glow.

Sometimes, when I say, "I'm okay," I want someone to look me in the eyes and say "No. I know you aren't."

Unlike Barbie, my friends and I are NOT sold separately.

You never know what it's like to lose a best friend until you look back and don't feel safe enough to fall.

Friendship is like standing on wet cement. The longer you stay, the harder it's to leave, and you can never go without leaving your footprints behind.

Friendship isn't about who's been there the longest. It's about who came, and never left your side.

I can't stop the downpour, but I'll always be willing to go with you for a walk in the rain.

The only reason God didnt make us sisters is because one mom couldn't handle us both.

A real friend is the one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

Best friends are the people who make your problems their problems, just so you don't have to go throught them alone.

A stranger stabs you in the front. A friend stabs you in the back. A boyfriend stabs you in the heart. But best friends only poke at each other with straws.

If you're alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile... But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me.

A true friend can see your hidden tears behind the smile everyone else believes.

Friends are like walls: sometimes you need one to lean on, and other times, it's just enough to know they're there.

A friend is someone who believes in you, even when you no longer believe in yourself.

When you’re down, I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you.

You want to know who your real friends are? Screw up and see who's still there.

Girls are

like apples on trees.

The best ones are at the top of the tree.

The boys don't want to reach for the good ones,

because they are afraid of falling. Afraid of getting hurt.

Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't

as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something

is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.

They just have to wait for the right boy

to come


the one




to climb

all the

way to the

top of the tree


Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Some Words of Wisdom

We fall so we can learn to pick ourselves up and become stronger.

To stand is to risk falling. To walk is to risk stumbling. To try is to risk failing. To live is to risk dying. But that is a risk I'm willing to take.

The fame of a warrior is build on a thousand corpses.

One often meets his fate on the path he takes to avoid it.

Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

All creatures fear the unknown; that is a well known fact. The only problem is that many refuse to overcome the fear and accept it. Accepting the unknown is not saying that you are unafraid. It is merely stating that you are willing to adjust to life's changes.

Fun Stuff...

(An unmatched left parenthesis creates an unresolved tension that will stay with you all day.

I want to be the person that when my feet hit the floor in the morning, the Devil says "Oh, shoot! She's awake!"

No problem should ever have to be solved twice. Oh, good. I don't have to do math any more. Someone already solved those problems.

When I am struck by the urge to exercise, I sit in a comfortable chair and wait for the urge to pass.

Watch out for men in suits and ties; they like to tell little white lies.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can get you in a lot of trouble.

I don't have ADHD, I just- Squirrel.

Sorry, Christmas is canceled. I told Santa I was good this year, and he died laughing.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk. They then spend the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

A computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for my karate.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

I don't obsess! I just... think intently.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Yes, I hit like a girl. If you hit a little bit harder, you could too!

It's us versus the world. We attack at dawn!

You ask what's so exciting about blowing stuff up? Well, see, it turns stuff, into flying chunks of stuff!

I ran with scissors and lived! It made me feel dangerous.

I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly.

God made man. Then he looked, thought, said "I can do better", and he made woman.

I'm not scared of death! What's it gonna do, kill me?

It doesn't matter how it explodes, as long as it explodes.

What's normal? Is it a disease? OMG! Don't come near me! I might catch your 'normal'!!

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I use the force to open automatic doors... But I'm still working on the regular ones.

Stand back! I'm trying science!

I know kung fu, karate, and 37 other dangerous words.

CAUTION! I'm not like other girls.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

Curiosity killed the cat, but I was a suspect for a while.

Can't stand me? Then sit down.

HA HA HA! HAHAHAHA!... Wait... What?

Slinky Escalator = Endless Fun

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Toes: see "shin."

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it... thanks Mario Kart.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

My mind works like lightning... one brilliant flash and it's gone.

If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'?

Never, under any circumstance, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'.

Never lick a steak knife.

The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can actually see a baby emerging from her at that moment.

A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.

The Autobots don't do toasters, but if they did, they'd be the best toasters in the universe. But be glad the Decepticons don't do toasters either... They'd burn all the toast.

Neve be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Men are like fine wine... They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the snot out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

If Revenge is a dish best served cold, and Revenge is sweet, than wouldn't it be ice cream?

If "the pen is mightier than the sword", how come "actions speak louder than words"?

Just when they think they have all the answers, I change the questions.

FANFICTION- UNITED NATIONS!! Has anyone else noticed how a lot of us get along and make friends on here and we can be from completely different countries? WTH!? We're here making world peace on the INTERNET and we have all those ambassadors and senators and whatever struggling with it!! If you realize this (or read this and agreed) copy and paste this and add your name and country (country is optional) to the list. SPREAD THE PEACE!!: Naruto-fan-Okami-chan (USA), NaraTemari011 (Puerto Rico), Lala girl in Lalaland (USA), Kakashi Forever (England) Anime895(USA), Starwatcher-shadow (Belgium), icyprincess1 (USA), Marshmellowtime (USA), Fury-Writer-17 (USA) Verdigurl ( New Zealand ) justiceintheworldofhp-yearight (USA) , Tavia99 (USA)NinaT2000(USA)

If you believe in Jesus Christ, copy this onto your profile. DONT IGNORE THIS, because in the Bible it says: "If you deny me, I will deny you in front of the Father." So be considerate. Why do we ((sleep)) in church, But stay ((awake)) through a 2 hour movie? Why is it so ((hard)) to talk about God, but so ((easy)) to Gossip? Why are we so ((bored)) when we look at a Christian magazine, but find it ((easy)) to read Playboy? Why is it so easy to ((ignore)) a Godly Facebook Wall Post, Yet we ((repost)) the nasty ones? Why are ((churches)) getting smaller, But ((bars and clubs)) are growing? Think about it, are you going to repost this? Are you going to ignore it, cause you think you'll get laughed at? Would You Have Read This if it Said... Read This In Gods Name.



Boys say that in everything they do, they can kick a girl's butt so bad that they cry. If you're a girl who kicks the boys' butts so bad they cry like girls, copy this into your profile, and add your name. KaidaThorn Gingerstar14 Spottednose, Pink Kitty Cat, Snowfeather, Tawnyfur, Child of the Storm, WhispertheWolf,Catwolf109, justiceintheworldofhp-yearight, Tavia99,NinaT2000


1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."


2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later... "Da-ad..." "What? "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Daaaaad.." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later..
"Daaaa-aaaad..." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine..." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, "... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

Married Men Only!

There is a small town in the United States where there is a large factory that will only hire married men. One of the local women was angry about this and demanded to speak to the manager to know why.

She asked, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous..or what?"

"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.

They're laughing at us because we're idiots. We're laughing at them because they just figured it out.

Friends ask why you're crying. Best friends already have the shovel ready to bury whoever made you cry.

My boyfriend told me to choose between him and my horse... I better go get my saddle.

I'm the girl that who can watch tons of horror movies and not get scared but will scream at the top of my lungs when the toast pops out of the toaster.

Best friends are people who will kill each other over a bag of chips and not say sorry but...HaHa, too bad loser!!

I love school. Except for the learning part. That part gotta go.

When life gives you throw them at people!! XD

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...except if the doctors cute. Then screw the fruit.

I'm pretty sure Mondays need to go die.

Don't try to out-weird me. YOU WILL LOSE.

You can take my scarf. You can take my food. You can take my Santa Claus. But if you dare take my hat... if you dare, I will scream and tear at your face like an angry beaver... So i suggest you don't.

You cry. I cry. You laugh. I laugh. You jump off a cliff. I laugh even harder.

I'm the type of girl that will burst out at laughing over something that happend... yesterday.

Yes I do use my hairbrush as a microphone and dance around my room in my underwear. Thank you very much.

" Immature" is just a word used by people who don't know how to have fun.

Hey You!! No, not you!! Yeah, you. No, the other guy. Yes, you!! Do you like tacos??

I didn't lose my mind. It's at home sitting next to my common sense.

if you get caught staring at least you know he was looking back.

i didn't fall, i was testing gravity... it still works.

I'm on a diet. I only eat chocolate on days that end with 'y'

i dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having there motives questioned.

I'm 99% sure he doesn't like me. It's that 1% that keeps me hanging on.

Dumbledore: ' Remember students, all Voldemort really needs is a hug."

"Thank you Captain Obvious." "Your welcome Lieutenant Sarcasm.

Random Person 1: What does IDK mean?
Random Person 2: I don't know.
Random Person 1: Gosh, nobody knows.

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore... I am perfect!!

Life is random. So am I.

Yep. I've been to the dark side... They lied about the cookies

BE A REBEL. Open the wrong side of the popcorn bag!

There's a 99% chance that I stole half your mojo... your cool...AND ALL YOUR CRAZY!!

Never annoy a writer. She may put you in a book and kill you.

I used to be normal till I met some losers I call my best friends.

Automatic doors make me feel like a JEDI.

If you can't laugh at yourself i'll be glad to do it for you.

i didn't hit you. i simply hi-fived your face.

if you don't shut upon i'm gonna seriously eat you.

yeah. I'm a loser. But i'm the coolest loser you'll ever meet.

i do know it all. i just don't know it all at once.

Anyone can get hit by a moving car. It takes skill to be hit by a parked car.

Skillage. An African bum disease.

I am totally awesome. Agree or die.

I am smiling. That alone should scare you.

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

if you can't fix it with duck tape, you haven't used enough.

When nothing goes right...go left.

I'm on a seafood diet. i see food. I eat it.

Everyday I beat my previous record of consecutive days i've stayed alive.

I've tripped up the stairs before... but when i hit the wall, i knew i had a true talent.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

22=6. Oh yeah. I rock at maths.

one does not simply walk into a shopping centre. There is evil there that does not sleep.

I've got a jar of dirt!!

I'm short. Fear me.

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aliminium foil.

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

Note to Self: Shut up. XXX

If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?

  1. Open your music library
  2. Put it on shuffle
  3. Press play
  4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
  5. When you go to a new question, press the next button

Opening Credits: Mercy, by Blood on the Dance Floor(I would wanna see this movie XD)

Waking Up: Never enough, Five Finger Death Punch (This makes sense, Never Enough Sleep)

Average Day: Sell Your Soul, Hollywood Undead(Well, that sucks...)

First Date: I Constantly Thank God for Esteban, Panic! At the Disco (I date Esteban?)

Falling in Love: I Need You,The Beatles(Talk About Desperate!)

Love Scene: What I've Done, Linkin Park ( Sounds Scandalous :/)

Fight Scene:TNT, AC/DC(Epic!)

Breaking Up: Lithium, Nirvana (Periodic breakup. Geddit! Cuz... Nevermind)

Getting Back Together: Whisper, Everscence(I guess Nobody knows 'bout us getting back together)

Secret Love: Anonymous, Three Days Grace(wow, accurate.)

Life’s Okay: Round Here, Counting Crows (Very Irrelevant...)

Mental Breakdown: Basket Case, Green Day (wow, crazy! That was actually relevant!)

Driving: Hearts A Mess, Gotye.(really good song, but It sounds painful.)

Learning a Lesson:Give em Hell Kid, My Chemical Romance

Deep Thought:All These Things That Ive Done, The Killers

Flashback:From a Mountain In the MIddle of Cabins, Panic! At the Disco

Partying: Nirvana, Blood on the Dance Floor

Happy Dance: For Those About To Rock(We Salute You) AC/DC

Regretting:Who Are You Now, Sleeping with Sirens

Long Night Alone: Chemical Kids and Mechanical Brides, Pierce the Veil

Death Scene:Cries in Vain, Bullet for my Valentine

Closing Credits: Hero, SKillet

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

More Than One Kind of Magic by ginnyrules27 reviews
An unknown force transports the Ministry Six to the land of the Avatar, and leaves them stranded with no way back-and no magic. After a strange discovery is made by Luna, it's up to the Gaang to show the Ministry Six that there's more than one kind of magic in the world as they team up to take down Fire Lord Ozai.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Fantasy - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,870 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 161 - Follows: 213 - Updated: 1/10/2020 - Published: 10/26/2012
Chai, Chutney, and a Friend in the Wee Hours of the Morning by 800 words of heaven reviews
"We should get married," Neville mumbled. Hannah took a few deep breaths, probably to clear her airways of any errant tea. "For a chutney recipe?"
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,379 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/10/2016 - Neville L., Hannah A. - Complete
Chai, Samosas, and a Friend in the Wee Hours of the Morning by 800 words of heaven reviews
She didn't know what she was doing with her life, but at least she had chai, samosas, and a friend in the wee hours of the morning.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,712 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/30/2016 - Neville L., Hannah A. - Complete
Infiltration by hiholly123 reviews
After stumbling across a large source of magic in Britain, Foaly sends none other than Artemis Fowl to investigate Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, disguised as a formerly-muggle student from Ireland. A/Holly if you'd like to read it that way. T for occasional language.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 60,482 - Reviews: 401 - Favs: 410 - Follows: 493 - Updated: 6/23/2015 - Published: 8/12/2011 - Harry P., Artemis F. - Complete
Lady of the Lake by Colubrina reviews
Hermione and Draco team up after the war to overthrow the Order and take over wizarding Britain. They have plans and they'll get power, but the cost of victory may be higher than they expected and more than they can bear. Dark Dramione. COMPLETE
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 50 - Words: 183,705 - Reviews: 4874 - Favs: 6,523 - Follows: 3,025 - Updated: 6/7/2015 - Published: 8/29/2014 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] Blaise Z., Theodore N. - Complete
Subtle Revelations by Winterwood11 reviews
"Granger, I need to see you – in private." Draco and Hermione have been in a relationship of sorts for a while and are perfectly fine with keeping it secret. That is, until a letter forces them to have to reveal themselves... Of course, this gives them the excuse to have some fun with revealing the truth - as long as they do not irreparably shock everyone else first.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,142 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 157 - Updated: 12/26/2014 - Published: 1/10/2014 - [Draco M., Hermione G.]
Percy Jackson & Co in Hogwarts? by Lost Daughter of Poseidon reviews
Percy and Co. go to Hogwarts! to teach while having fun, making new friends, new enemies, and maybe just MAYBE find love...? Pairings: Percy/Annabeth, Travis/katie, Nico/?, Chris/Clarisse, Leo/Piper. Story Adopted From Ilovepiano - Rate T because of Greek Swearing !- Review!
Crossover - Harry Potter & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 21,705 - Reviews: 342 - Favs: 203 - Follows: 280 - Updated: 12/22/2014 - Published: 12/18/2012 - Harry P., Percy J.
That crazy night by maxjohnsonisawesome reviews
Harry Potter is walking in the woods one random night for detention and comes across a strange girl. What will happen?
Crossover - Harry Potter & Hunger Games - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 15,518 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 3/29/2014 - Published: 12/6/2012 - Harry P., Katniss E.
The Roof by Luna Miste reviews
Percy and his friends accidentally land on the roof of Artemis Fowl's manor, and Artemis is intrigued with the mysterious people. My first fanfic, please review!
Crossover - Artemis Fowl & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,721 - Reviews: 159 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 147 - Updated: 12/17/2013 - Published: 5/28/2012 - Artemis F., Percy J.
Mythology Mix-Up by GalaxyVeined reviews
The Kanes and Co. meet the greeks at Camp Half-Blood, and deal with the ensuing chaos and repercussions. I would like to give credit to my little Bro who helped me write this fan fic.
Crossover - Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Kane Chronicles - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,892 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 11/30/2013 - Published: 11/28/2012 - Clarisse R., Carter K.
My Drapple by Snugglebunny83 reviews
My first Drapple story! Draco/Apple
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,531 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 6 - Published: 10/8/2013 - Draco M., OC - Complete
Fly to Survive by medusa's pen reviews
"This is the story about how all Hades broke loose, kidnapped my friends, and sent the rest of us on a wild goose chase." When white coats attack the Argo ll and kidnap everyone on board except for Frank for their own personal purposes, Frank teams up with other allies and the flock in order to save his friends and fulfill the prophecy to save the world. CURRENTLY DISCONTINUED
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 19 - Words: 53,922 - Reviews: 103 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 8/12/2013 - Published: 1/20/2013
Clash of the two PERMANENTLY DISCONTINUED by xChiaroscuro reviews
The "stick-wavers" are declaring a war and Chiron has sent Percy, Annabeth and Thalia on a suicide mission into Hogwarts. They must not blow their cover, but with powerful and experienced teachers full of magic in the castle, every step is full of danger. With Percy and Harry, Annabeth and Hermione, trouble is guranteed. All is a mystery except one: Together, their destiny awaits.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 32,929 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 86 - Updated: 8/11/2013 - Published: 12/3/2012
Not Magic by Pineapple246 reviews
When Hermione finds that Ron has cheated on her with Pansy Parkinson, and Draco finds her crying in the Head's common room, and when they are paired for together for their new class something magical happens or does it. I'm bad at summaries, just read the story its my first. Don't judge on the first few chapters, they get better.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 21 - Words: 37,204 - Reviews: 113 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 120 - Updated: 7/30/2013 - Published: 7/12/2012 - Hermione G., Draco M.
The greatest team up ever! by ercamodamaj reviews
Percy Jackson accidentally stumbles upon a raging lunatic named Lord Voldemort who keeps calling him Harry Potter. When Percy meets the real Harry they become friends over the fact that they can get themselves in some weird crap. Percy decides to help.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 9,389 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 45 - Updated: 7/14/2013 - Published: 11/21/2011
Demigods? What the heck are Demigods? by iron-mogar reviews
What would happen if the Flock found Camp Half Blood and met the Percy Jackson gang? And who is Fang, really? Minor Percabeth and Fax. Not Max/Percy! First FanFiction! Please review! Rated T because I'm paranoid!
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,558 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 7/13/2013 - Published: 6/23/2012 - Max, Percy J.
Percy Jackson & Harry Potter's Second War PART 1 by percabeth53 reviews
What happens when the two powerful worlds collide? Will they hate each other or become friends? How will they join forces to defeat their sworn enemies? My summary sucks, but I promise the story is much better. Read to find out!
Crossover - Harry Potter & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,106 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 28 - Published: 6/22/2013 - Complete
The Game by Jennie.F-101 reviews
Permainan antara para demigod dan penyihir di sebuah acara untuk menjalin persahabatan. Menang kalah tidak masalah... Oh, Percy Jackson punya Rick Riordan sedangkan Harry Potter punya J.K. Rowling. Satu episode untuk satu grup. Gak ngerti ? Baca aja deh !
Crossover - Harry Potter & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - Indonesian - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,065 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 6/16/2013 - Published: 12/26/2012
Lost by apple2011 reviews
Harry Potter finds himself outside District Twelve with no idea how he got there, but when he meets Katniss Everdeen he discovers the brutality of the Hunger Games and the Capitol. Not willing to let a friend down Harry takes the place of Peeta and goes with her to the arena but can he protect her and himself at the same time.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,813 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 279 - Follows: 395 - Updated: 5/29/2013 - Published: 12/14/2012 - Harry P., Katniss E.
A Winters Tail by Gomylittlepony reviews
Ever wonder what Hermione's life was like outside of Hogwarts? Well, here you go. A bunch of Harry Potter mixed with a ton of Percy Jackson. Enjoy!
Crossover - Harry Potter & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 21 - Words: 50,106 - Reviews: 113 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 113 - Updated: 5/20/2013 - Published: 5/14/2012 - Hermione G.
Nico di Angelo and the Wizards by Moonstar Daughter of Hades reviews
This is my first fanfic, and my summary sucks but oh well. Nico di Angelo was just minding his own business when he was transported into the wizarding world. Will he be able to destroy all of the horcruxes and keep his identity secret? During OotP. After TLO, The Lost Hero never happened. Eventually NicoxLuna (well, probably). Helpful flames will be used to make s'mores.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,989 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 90 - Updated: 3/28/2013 - Published: 12/25/2012 - Luna L., Nico A.
Nico At School by lilmonkey13 reviews
So what would happen if Nico and the gang wound up going to Hogwarts? So yeah this is over the course of the school year. Hope you read and enjoy! This story has been abandoned. Sorry
Crossover - Harry Potter & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 19 - Words: 27,300 - Reviews: 126 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 79 - Updated: 3/25/2013 - Published: 1/13/2013 - Harry P., Nico A., Percy J.
Max and Co Meet Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived by GalaxyVeined reviews
Max and the gang bother Harry Potter when they meet him, in mid-air. Written by one of my best friends. For the rest of the chapters, see part 2 by HunterofArtemis78969.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Maximum Ride - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 562 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 3/25/2013 - Published: 12/21/2012 - Harry P., Max
Hogwarts and Mockingjays: A crossover by Breakdown29 reviews
Harry, Hermione, and Ginny wander through the Forbidden Forest only to come out onto the beach of the 75th Hunger Games.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 15 - Words: 18,743 - Reviews: 80 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 95 - Updated: 3/14/2013 - Published: 4/6/2011 - Harry P., Cedric D., Katniss E., Peeta M.
Percy Jackson Facebook Style by skylands reviews
Ares develops an obsession with one of Apollo's sons, Jason has a top secret teddy bear, Sally experiences confusion with chatspeak and Annabeth and Calypso battle it out on Facebook. WARNING: This story has caused people to choke on their dinner, fall off their chairs and receive weird looks for laughing too loudly.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,666 - Reviews: 1061 - Favs: 512 - Follows: 513 - Updated: 2/18/2013 - Published: 3/12/2012
Mardi Gras Chaos in the Hades Cabin by Moonstar Daughter of Hades reviews
So we all know Nico and Hazel, the main occupants of the Hades Cabin(just pretend Hazel lives there for the story),are from places that celebrate Mardi Gras.(If you didn't know, Italy celebrates it and Nico is Italian) but Percy, being Percy, has no idea what it's about, or even what it is. It's today, so I posted this. It's supposed to be funny, but I failed. Rated T for no reason
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 661 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 5 - Published: 2/12/2013 - Nico A., Hazel L. - Complete
Flying High by llamasandsnickuhsbahrs reviews
So you all know the story of Maximum Ride, yes? Well, this is the story of Maximum Ride the Angel Experiment how it was supposed to be told. Our part was left out because it was felt we weren't needed. So enjoy the story of what really happened during the Angel experiment. Alex and Emma were taken to the School, so a rescue mission at camp is issued. Read to find out what happens.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 30,339 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 2/10/2013 - Published: 9/25/2012 - Max
Girl Meets Wizard by Ilovejolly16 reviews
Crossover of two greatest books, maximum ride and harry potter. When Max is attacked by a dementor, she falls into the hands of Harry while flying in a game of a quidditch match. She is taken to Hogwarts to recover, finding herself in a utterly new story
Crossover - Harry Potter & Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,800 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 1/23/2013 - Published: 9/22/2011 - Harry P., Max
Catch Me if You Can by GingerRavenclaw reviews
Finch Weasly, better known as Foxface, goes to Hogwarts. Not only is she a witch, but also an unregistered animagus. What happens when she is thrown into the 74th annual Hunger Games? *SYOC for the sequel (CLOSED)*
Crossover - Harry Potter & Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 7,796 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 1/18/2013 - Published: 12/15/2012 - Foxface - Complete
Kiss Goodbye by ItsOverWhenItsOver reviews
The Hunger Games; a wandless fight to the death. For the Next-gen Weasleys, every year is a constant terror that one of them might be chosen. But never even in their worst nightmares did they imagine this: All of them, pitted against each other. And there can be only one winner...
Crossover - Harry Potter & Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Angst - Chapters: 6 - Words: 31,278 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 1/12/2013 - Published: 5/10/2012 - Victoire W., Cinna
Our Crazy 1 Minute Trips Into Fandoms by tumultuousCouturier reviews
Me and my friends (The kanda-chan) decide to have fun and we get hurled into different fandoms while messing them up majorly.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,818 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 1/9/2013 - Published: 12/31/2012
Half Blood by JellyBeanMonstahh reviews
Raina Harley finds out that her normal life was about to get... Not so normal. She was a demigod. With the help of her best friend Leo, and an unlikely friend, Nico they unravel a secret hidden in a sock drawer , the mysterious school named Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. CAUTION: HAS SWEARING.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,785 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 1/6/2013 - Published: 12/31/2012
some people are sick and twisted by tophagain reviews
A random thought after nearly hacking up a lung in response to Katara fan art.
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,112 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 1/5/2013 - Published: 12/11/2012 - Toph
A Literal Plummet into The Magical World by Frostpuppy reviews
Percy Jackson, Thalia Grace, and Nico DiAngelo take a lift to Olympus, and end up skydiving into the Quidditch pitch of Hogwarts. Confused? So am I! Takes place in the world of Harry Potter in Goblet of Fire. Cussing is censored which is why this fic is rated T. I DO NOT OWN PJO OR HP! No pairings yet. Read to find out why two Percy the Prefects was a definitely not spiffing idea
Crossover - Harry Potter & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 10 - Words: 30,570 - Reviews: 77 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 136 - Updated: 1/2/2013 - Published: 7/25/2012 - Harry P., Percy J.
Harry Potter and the Olympians by suiranrah reviews
Percy Jackson and his friends head off to Hogwarts to sniff out half-bloods! KRONOS/VOLDYMORT WILL KILL YOU IF YOU DONT READ! Harry, Ron and Hermione are NOT half-bloods! This story is dedicated to my buddies, Grace S. and Rissa C.!
Crossover - Harry Potter & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 11,056 - Reviews: 333 - Favs: 160 - Follows: 125 - Updated: 12/26/2012 - Published: 3/3/2011 - Harry P., Percy J. - Complete
Wands Wake Swords by Lily Bianca reviews
If you're reading this, good. One of the people I sent this to read it and transcribed it. Hopefully, this doesn't fall into bad hands. My name is Star, and this is the story of how effing Hera sent us on a mission and almost destroyed the world. Thanks, auntie Hera! OK, sorry. Anywho, this is the tale of how me and a bespectacled boy save Hogwarts, with the help of the demigods...
Crossover - Harry Potter & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 3,776 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 12/26/2012 - Published: 12/17/2012
Fred and Georges' attempts by johnwn357 reviews
Fred and Gerge can do anything that people think is impossible which is why they take it as a personal challenge to get into the girs dormitory, but can they do it? It'll take more than one try.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,362 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/15/2012 - Fred W., George W. - Complete
The Wizarding Games by LOLZAngZombie reviews
The wizarding world is in ruins after Voldemort won the first wizarding war. To cause suffering and pain, he started the tradition of the Wizarding Games. 32 skilled ( or maybe not ) young wizards are thrown into a Arena which only one shall exit. SPOILER : tributes : 13 year-old Harry, Hermione, Draco, Cedric, Cho, Blaise and others.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,714 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 12/15/2012 - Published: 10/1/2012 - Harry P.
Chantal: The Newest Beauxbaton by nerdgirl07 reviews
Chantal Weasley, daughter of Bill and Fleur Weasley, is dreading becoming a Beauxbaton. All of her siblings get to go to Hogwarts while she is force to go to Beauxbatons. Will she be able to survive her first year? This one is K . As the years go on, it may become T. Told from Chantal's perspective. Please R&R!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,218 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 11/27/2012 - Published: 10/18/2012 - OC
Maximum Hunger Plus Seven by The Writing Fedora reviews
The School is sooooo done with the Flock fighting back, so to eliminate them once and for all, they send them to Panem... in CAGES! They meet Katniss and Peeta at the Quarter Quell. Different than the origanol Quarter Quell. The entire Flock gets reaped. What will happen? It's better than it sounds. FAX! NIGGY! maybe Gatniss or Patniss. You decide! R&R!
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,382 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 11/24/2012 - Published: 6/10/2012 - Max, Katniss E.
The Hunger Games: Birdseed by Mufasa the Lion reviews
What happens when the flock gets put in the country of Panem and all their memories are wiped out and replaced with new ones? Would they survive the Hunger Games? Read and find out. Adopted by uh, me. AKA Mufasa the Lion...ADOPTED FROM FANGALICOUS08
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Hunger Games - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 11 - Words: 9,515 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 11/23/2012 - Published: 5/11/2011
What Started In a Classroom by Pineapple246 reviews
How could he do this to me? Her beautiful face stained with tears. Malfoy, don't tell anyone about this.I'll meet you outside the Great Hall tomorrow love. Originally a one-shot. Has more chapters but I will finish it later when I have more time.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 8,903 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 11/18/2012 - Published: 8/11/2012 - Hermione G., Draco M.
Dramione Drabble by loveless-tonight reviews
Some funny pickup lines with our favorite couple, Dramione :) REVIEW! And PS, read the bottom note ::::))))) MUAH :*
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,556 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 5 - Published: 9/26/2012 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete
It's Summer Time! by 12798q93ruiowjflakdj reviews
This is a just a cliche story about Annabeth's last day at her boarding school, and a certain somebody comes to visit. You know. R&R! Btw, I had no idea that this was rated M before. It should actually be K . So, no lemons!
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,055 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 143 - Follows: 143 - Updated: 9/22/2012 - Published: 7/11/2012 - Annabeth C., Percy J.
Expect the Unexpected by The QAS reviews
Working on The Project Artemis finds something odd.An unknown substance is destroying the ozone layer at incredible rates.His plan is simple: find the power source and shut it down, but things take an unexpected turn, and he's in for the shock of his life
Crossover - Harry Potter & Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 10 - Words: 16,398 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 6/10/2012 - Published: 11/20/2010 - Harry P., Lily Luna P., Artemis F., Opal K.
How DARE they name him Artemis! by I'mTheGirlWhoLearnedToFly reviews
When Artemis the goddess finds out about how a male child is named after her, she is predictably furious. But any sort of confrontation with Artemis Fowl the Second can get messy...*devious grin* PJO/AF one shot, I sadly don't own anything.
Crossover - Artemis Fowl & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,775 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 2/16/2012 - Published: 10/18/2011 - Artemis F., Artemis - Complete
Voldemort's Lament II by PurifiedDrinkingWater reviews
Sequal to "Voldemort's Lament", Voldemort seeks help elsewhere in this thrilling five-year-old humor-esque tale of two shop clerks.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 766 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/4/2012 - Voldemort, Harry P. - Complete
Epic Crossover Event: Max Ride and Percy Jackson by PurifiedDrinkingWater reviews
Insert really good summary that makes you want to read this fanfiction here. Written before The Lost Hero and Angel.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 24 - Words: 39,910 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 2/24/2011 - Published: 6/6/2010 - Fang, Percy J.
Characters Come to Life by Astrid-Elizabeth-Dare reviews
What would happen if your three favorite fictional characters came to life before your very eyes? Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter and Percy Jackson apear in my bedroom... srry it doesn't include Harry in the category it would only let me chose for 2 crossover
Crossover - Artemis Fowl & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K+ - English - Sci-Fi/Fantasy - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,863 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 2/19/2011 - Published: 12/25/2010
An Unusual Case by alittleinsane963 reviews
A Muggle style murder of a Navy Commander's child at Hogwarts? Well, that certainly warrents a call to NCIS!
Crossover - Harry Potter & NCIS - Rated: T - English - Crime/Drama - Chapters: 65 - Words: 157,566 - Reviews: 2277 - Favs: 827 - Follows: 472 - Updated: 6/11/2010 - Published: 6/3/2009 - Complete
Antithesis by Water Mage reviews
Nineteen years later, life was going great for Harry Potter. He had everything he had ever wanted. Friends, a wife, children. It was perfect. Then he opened his eyes...
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,788 - Reviews: 613 - Favs: 2,484 - Follows: 509 - Published: 12/13/2007 - Harry P. - Complete
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Wizard,Demigods,and a Flock! Oh MY! reviews
Percy has been strange demigod dreams, and now him, the Big Three's kids, and Annabeth are supposed to be going on some secret mission mission to a weird school in Scotland they know nothing about! And what's with this flying chick named Max? Find out what happens next in this thrilling three way crossover between Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, and Maximum Ride. PERMANENT HIATUS
Crossover - Harry Potter & Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,308 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 1/4/2016 - Published: 1/1/2013 - Harry P., Max - Complete
Cedric the Vampire! reviews
This story takes place when Harry thinks Cedric dies during the Triwizard Tournement. However, Cedric is merely turned into a vampire by Voldy! PERMANENT HIATUS.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 2,049 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 1/4/2016 - Published: 11/26/2012 - Cedric D., Bella - Complete
Mary-Sue Extermination reviews
MSE is trying to find a partner for the only remaining field agent Veronica. Meanwhile, Sues are popping up more frequent than usual. In your reviews tell me what Fandom you want me to do. If you don't knaw a particular Fandom, summaries of the book will be in the beginning.(Traveling fiction) PERMANENT HIATUS
Crossover - Harry Potter & Book X-overs - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 710 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 1/4/2016 - Published: 6/27/2013 - Complete