Author has written 4 stories for Tokyo Mew Mew, How to Train Your Dragon, and Brave, 2012.
NOTE: Sorry guys, I'm having a major case of writing block, I'm on a pill that one of it's side effects is "Loss of artist creativity " So, I'm gonna be out for awhile until I'm off of it. Expect some updates in a couple of months. And again, sorry!
About me: I love reading writing, you don't need to know my age and my name is Jo. I'm a free spirit who does things my own way, and I don't take no for an answer. I also won't put up with gossip, lies, and bull, so if you do these things, watch your back... ;) love ya all!!!!!!!!!
Weight: You have a death wish.
Gender: Female! DUH!
Age: Somewhere in between 15 and 20
Hobbies: Reading, Drawing, Writing, talking about Anime, watching Anime all night, reading Fanfics.
(0.0) Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side. (We have cookies)
People call me weird a lot because I would rather stay a home reading and writing then be out with my friends partying. When these people call me weird I have to say 'thank you', because being normal is too boring. At school when the teacher isn't looking i pick up a book or take out a notebook to write in. When my friends and I are acting weird and people are whispering about us behind our backs, I go up to them and say 'Baka!' my friends start laughing and say 'good one!' while the other people are staring at us like we are mad. (BTW-We are!) I daydream in class and often times don't listen. At school dances I'm engrossed in a book sitting in the corner. There is a thin line between genius and insanity, many say I'm insane but I assure you, I am.
I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone(ok, not true, I can't live with out my phone). I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Pirates of the Caribbean and Tokyo mew mew, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, , if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone.
FANFICTION-AMERICA!! Has anyone else noticed how a lot of us get along and and make freinds on here we can be from completely different countries? WTF!? We're here making world peace on the INTERNET and we have all those ambassadors and senators and whatever struggling with it!! If you realize this (or read this and agreed) copy and paste this and add your name and country (country is optional) to the list
Fire, my love and my element. Warm to the touch, brimming with sparks, lighting my path. It always cackles with delight as it consumes me, filling my soul and boiling my blood. WE are one, these flames and I. You might see it flash across my eyes when I am angry, or cackle quietly when I laugh. It will never be distinguished by tears, for they evaporate in its wake. Its strength is my strength, my pain its fuel. I have the ability to burn bridges, yet create new life from the ashes. I am Fire, hear me roar - IAGW
IM THAT GIRL: who'd rather take a book to the school dance than a date
IM THAT GIRL: that would leave her life to live in a book if she could
IM THAT GIRL: who would do absolutely anything for the one she loves
IM THAT GIRL: who refuses to live in reality
IM THAT GIRL: who loves fanfiction
If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile!
Copy and Paste if your against Abortion
Month One: Mommy, I am only 8 inches long, but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.Month Two: Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.
Month Three: You know what Mommy, I'm a girl !! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too, and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.
Month Four:Mommy, my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine, but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes, and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.
Month Five:You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?Month Six:I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy!! HELP me!! No . . .Month Seven:Mommy, I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. he is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy?Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never
see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never
run. One more mouth that will never speak.
Did you know...
Kissing is healthy.
Bananas are good for Stomach pain.
It's good to cry.
Chicken soup actually makes you feel better.
94% of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.
Lying is actually unhealthy.
You really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.
It's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.
89% of guys want YOU to make the first move.
It's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.
Chocolate WILL make you feel better.
Most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.
A good friend never judges.
A good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any.
Boys aren't worth your tears.
We all love surprises.
Now... make a wish. Wish REALLY hard!! WISH WISH WISH WISH!!!! Your wish has just been recieved.
Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and...
Your wish will be granted.
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried nailing jello to a wall, slamming a revolving door or swallowing a whole tablespoon of cinnamon.
Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
One minute of kiss burns 26 calories.
You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you're done.
With great power comes great electricity bills.
I don't like morning people... or mornings... or people...
"I am a ninja!""no your not.""did you see me do that?""do what?""exactly."
I may look calm, but in my mind I've killed you three times.
How normal people flirt "hey sexy." How I flirt "if you were a potato, you'd be a good potato."
I'm not arguing, I'm simply explaining why I'm right.
Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? Because if it's bothering you, I'll stop.
I do not get drunk - I get awesome.
Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies is the main reason why I have trust issues.
Friends hide a smile and help you up when you fall, but best friends laugh so hard they also fall.
If Google didn't exist, we'd all be screwed.
A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off... well that explains why I'm still alive...
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion.
We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like.
A boys sleepy voice is probably the sexiest thing ever.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?'
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down, stay put and shut up.
...If life give you melons,You're dislecxyc.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Go ahead and call the cops! I'll order pizza and we'll see who gets here first
When life gives you lemons, go find a kid with a papercut and make his life miserable.
When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand Coke!
Everything is funny as long as it's happening to someone else.
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
I like work. It fasinates me. I can sit and stare at it for hours.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
I don't stalk, I observe.
ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE!. . . Oxygen helps too.
I'd take a bullet for you. Not in the head, like in the leg or something.
Worst. Idea. Ever. [pause] Let's do it.
People who investigate noises in horror movies deserve to die.
It's better to have loved and lost than to live with the physco for the rest of your life.
I've probably learned more from Google than I have from school
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different then yours.
I'm not easily distr. . .OMG! SHINY!
If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.
You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!
Boys are like trees - they take fifty years to grow up.
Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.
'I write for the same reason I breathe; if I didn't I would die'
Writing isn't a career, it's more of a mental illness.
The more you love someone,the more you want them dead.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
All the good ones are either dating someone, married, gay or fictional characters in books or movies. (LolxD)
Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Somebody needs a Happy Meal.
To put it nicely, I hope you choke.
If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.
Would you like a cookie? So would I.
A day without sunshine is like... night.
Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot
Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!
I do what cheerios tell me.
I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'.
If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth.
Okay...so there's this thing called retarded-ness and me and my freinds, well...We've gone pro.
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
I'm the kind of person who walks into a door and apologizes.
I'm in denial over a lot of things. But one thing I'm not in denial about is the fact that I am in denial
Forget about love, I'd rather fall in chocolate
The early bird catches the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If you don't want your pants to catch on fire... don't lie.
If you don't want your pants to catch on fire... wear a skirt.
I've seen the light! ... And it's shiny...
I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT!
Be OPTIMISTIC... all the people you hate are eventually going to die!!
Heaven kicked me out. Hell is afraid I'll take over.
I am fluent in English, Gobbledegook and Sarcasm
Dont upset me - I'm running out of places to put the bodies.
Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.
The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
I can tell that you are lying, your lips are moving.
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
No Trespassers! Violators will be shot, survivors will be shot again.
Don't thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
Sometimes I Wonder, "Why is that frisbee getting bigger?" and then it hits me!!
The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas...
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.
Normal people make good pets.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
Join The Army! Journey to exotic places, meet new people, then kill them.
We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!
One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!
There are two kinds of pedestrians: The quick and the dead.
ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world wonder how you did it.
When life gives you lemons, squirt them in people's eyes and run like hell.
Labels are for cans. And in case you haven't noticed--Im not a can.
Normal is just a setting on washing machines.
An apple away keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out
It doesnt matter whether the glass is half empty or half full,just drink it and get it over with.
This world is full of crazy people.THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER!!
Diamonds are a girls best friend...because they're shaper then knives
Boys are like lava lamps fun to look at, but they don't really do much.
I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me?
If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
Approach me with caution. I know karate, ninjitsu, and three other Japanese words. (not true! I speak fluent Japanese!)
What is this thing you call... normal? Is it contagious?
If you forget to remember what you were supposed to remember to forget, does remembering to forget what you were remembering mean the same thing?
I don't mind being a little crazy, I'm actually getting pretty good at it.
I have a new talent: being able to piss people off just by looking at them. Just imagine what I could do if I actually spoke!!!
People wouldn't give sarcastic answers, if people didn't ask a stupid question.
Me sarcastic? No couldn't be. I am much too dim witted to grasp the quaint subtleties of such potent mockery!!!
There is no "u" in awesome, but there is "me".
I am having a Light Side vs. Dark Side kind of day. The light side wants me to be productive... But the dark side has cookies... I like cookies!! Cookies WIN!
Men shouldn't say the woman's place is in the kitchen... that's where the knives are.
I tried being 'normal' for a day. Most BORING day of my life.
I never make the same mistake twice. Three or four times maybe. But not twice.
You know you have a true best friend when you two look at each other and start laughing about nothing because you know what the other one is thinking about
Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.
Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Never suffer from insanity, enjoy every minute of it
1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you
I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.
Sarcasm is a girl’s best friend.
Me and my girls, we don't just turn heads, we break necks.
I'm not random you just can't think as fast as me
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.
Yes, I hit like a girl. You could to if you hit a bit harder.
I'm the type of girl who manages to plan whole world domination in history class.
I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago.
It's us versus the world... we attack at dawn!
Real friends don't let you do stupid things... alone.
"If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed."
90% of girls would have a breakdown if they saw Justin Bieber on the edge of a skyscraper getting ready to jump. Copy and paste this if you would be in the 10% sitting in deck chairs with popcorn screaming "DO A BACK FLIP!"
99.9% Of girls would die from lack of oxygen if Aeropostle and Abercrombie & Fitch said it was uncool to breathe.
Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
If life gives you lemons... throw them at someone.
In order to lose your mind, you have to have had one in the first place.
"I think-" "Stop right there! Don't think, you don't have the right equipment."
An optimist is someone who falls off the empire state building and after 50 floors says, "So far so good!"
Chaos,panic,pandemonium... my work here is done.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
I will temporarily rule the world, forever.
You want to know who your real friends are? Screw up and see who's still there.
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk!
I used to have superpowers, but then my therapist took them away.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs!
Writing isn't a career, it's more of a mental illness.
Some say the glass is half full, some say it's half empty, I say, "Are you gonna drink that?"
All people have the right to stupidity, but some people abuse the priviledge.
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then throw it back at life and steal the oranges you asked for.
If life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how in the seven hells you did it.
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, IwuvMyKenshyPoo, Heidiplease, iNsOmNiAc BiLlIe JoE lOvEr, Black Panther Warrior, kailover 2006, Iluvbeyblade, Lamanth, AnimeGirl329, Sharpiequeen666, pokemon-finatic, ROSELIACOOL, Massacre Maker, Syrus Stalker and Yaoi Fan, Angel-From-Hell.172832,
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy and paste this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, StarDragon411, Mystic Katt, TrueThinker, Softballgirl9411, Witchdoctor42, crocgirl2815, mewmewice, RulerofFire, Grogie13, Zim'sMostLoyalServant, WrathofhteElite, 'looks at name tag', Wildshadow24, AquaFreez, Loststream,WolfPrincessGirl, newmew4you, Angel-From-Hell.172832,
If you have ever stared at a computer screen for hours and hours reading stories that people who have no lives whats so ever and have enough obsession with something to write a story about it and you are one of those people, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan,Cloud Envy, A rose in the sand, EmpressOfEvilBunnies, willow grove tiger, Angel-From-Hell.172832,
If you love FANFICTION.NET, add your name and copy and paste this into your profile: Rainstorm007, mysterys, Adderstar, Glissoning Raven, Aleksandrya Gregonovitch, freakily obsessed Yassen fan, XxXMaximuM-RideRXxX, DoYouReallySeeMe, EvilMuffinsOfDeath, VisserZer0, Biisaiyowaq,gothsamphan14, Aurora Borealis 97,phantomgamer,raethewriter,Lupsss, Angel-From-Hell.172832
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Boys say that in everything they do, they can kick a girl's butt so bad that they cry. If you're a girl who kicks the boys' butts so bad they cry like girls, copy this into your profile and add your name. Moonstar of FireClan, Flamestar, Samishi Destiny, Silverstar's Shadow, Darkangel24700, iLoVeMoOnYnPaDfOoT, Someone aka Me,Yourcool79, Give up your Prejudices, MyNameIsCAB, chibi-sarus, hawkstar2, CrazyLittleKookoo, Vera A,Midnight-675, candykiss228, Puddito's Biggest Fan, Fall.With.Me.Off.A.Clift
1. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
2. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
3. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
4. Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
5. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
6. Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
7. Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
8. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
9. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
10. So what's the speed of dark?
11. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
12. Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
13. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
14. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. Shouldn't that be where the work stops?
15. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
16. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
17. Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do...write to these men?
19. How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
20. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
21. Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
22. If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
23. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
25. Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
26. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
27. Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
28. Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
29. Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
30. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
31. Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
32. Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?
33. If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?
34. Why is it that 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, it's encouraged!?
35. Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?
36. Isn't it weird how the main characters in Maximum Ride and Dark Angel are both genetically recombinant beings named Max?
37. If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
38. Can bald men get lice?
39. Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse
40. Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?
41. Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?
42. Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
43. "Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
44. Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?
45. Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
46. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
47. Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
48. Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
49. Why they are called "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
50. If con is the opposite of pro, is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?
51. Why is it called common sense if it's so rare
What to Do During an Exam
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
3. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
4. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
5. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
6. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
7. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
8. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
9. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Darn this!" and walk out triumphantly.
10. Arrange a protest before the exam starts
11. Show up completely insane
12. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
13. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
14. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
15. Act spazzy
16. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the heck are you? Where's the regular guy?"
17. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
18. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
19. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
20. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."
21. Fake an heart attack. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #_ moved you, deeply.
22. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.
23. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
24. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your pencil. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
25. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it.
26. Dress like the professor.
28. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.
29. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras
30 Ways To Annoy Your Teacher
1. during health class ask them if its natural to have pimples on your butt
2. during phys. ed. when the teacher says any more questions say " why does my dogs breath smell like dog food"
3. slip a dollar on your test and write thanks for the A love (your name)
4. use your cell phone during class and when the teacher tells you to bring it there say wait wait i really need to take this call and when they try to talk again say shhh shhh
5. put posters in the drug ed. room that says lets get drunk... if you dont have a drug ed room they can go around the school too.
6. start eating pop tarts in class and when the teacher tells you to stop say i skipped breakfast to do my homework
7. ask your physics teacher why E=MC2 and when they cant answer it say i wish i had a nnicer teacher. then say why are you always so negative.
8. stand up in the middle of class and yell lies lies! STOP THE LIES!
9. write a note on the bottom of your homework that says if i dont get this correct it was (the smart kids name here)
10. keep droping your pencil and before you pick that up stand and say in a loud voice "will anyone get that for me" make sure its right at your feet.
11. start playing an unwanted system like gameboy advanced during class with the volume up high and make alll these shooting sounds like pew pew and car sounds like vroom vroom
12. what ever answer your asked say i dont know or how am i soposed to know that or you never taught me that and if they say i did yesterday say oh your voice put me to sleep.
13. Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper, perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the gods to bless the paper and correct all your typos.
14. Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog from eating it.
15. Type gibberish. When you hand it in, claim that your computer crashed while you were printing it, and you couldn't retrieve the original.
16. on the Friday before the super bowl stand up and yell 'GO NICKS WIN THE SUPER BOWL!'
17. stab holes in your paper in those holes put whip cream and say your paper was attacked by a porky pine
18. Pretend to cough every time your teacher says the word "learn".
19. get up during class and say why isn't this fun? and the teacher will say something and then say ok well ill make it fun then go around the class saying duck duck duck duck duck duck GOOOOOOSE!
20. come in to class late with a folder that has a stack of papers really thick then say ohh the princapal told me to give you my file
21. in gym start tripping and say ahhhhh! my legs my legs then the gym teacher come over and you say look what you made me do i was looking at your ugly face and you made me trip!
22. Ask the teacher how old are they if they respond none of your business respond that's because you were born before they invented numbers!
23. During english use bad gramer and say things like "we don't need no education" and used made up contractions and made up words
24. start hitting your self during class and say the spirits arggg there fighting me
25. when writing a report make it all different sizes and colors
26. ask to go to the bathroom every five minutes after awhile announce you have a bladder infection
27. run into the principals office and yell reerag and make all these sick sounds and yell i forgot my pills
28. Run in the hall way when cought and told no, go on talking about how running is a much better exersise than rope climbing, and how a praticular rule is going to cause the end of the world. (Bonus if you can involve puppies, cake, or raspberry jam in the connection)
29. Get up in the middle of music and yell i love varish macarphdrop
30 in health ask whats that every thing the teacher says
101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
FUN THINGS TO DO IN A ELEVATOR
1.When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2.Say "Ding" on every floor.
3.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
4.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
5.Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
6.Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
7.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
8.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
9.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.
10.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
11.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
12.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
13.Ask, "Did you feel that?"
14.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
15.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
16.Swat at flies that don't exist.
17.Tell people that you can see their aura.
18.Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.
19.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
20.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
21.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
22.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
23.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
24.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
25.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
26.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".
27.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"
29.TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
30.WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
15 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I chose you!"
16 ways to maintain a Healthy level of insanity.
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars, see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put a garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone is over their Caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.
6. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance to the Prophecy".
7. Don’t use any punctuation.
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
9. Specify that your drive thru order is "To Go"
10. Sing Along at the Opera
11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
13. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON I WON!!"
14. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they’re loose!!"
15. Tell your children over diner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
16. Send this to your friends to make them smile, It’s called therapy.
REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile):
1. We have cookies
2. Meet the recruitment bunny!
3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!
4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me, people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough!
5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guys!
6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life!
7. Money, Money, Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?
8. SCREW COOKIES, WE GOT YAOI!
1. i need to tell you a secret.(look at #5)
2. the answer is... (look at #11)
3. don't get mad. (look at #15)
4. calm down. (look at #13)
5. first. (look at #2)
6. don't be that mad. (look at #12)
7. i just wanted to say hi lol :P
8. what i wanted to tell you is... (look at 14)
9. be patient. (look at #4)
10. this is the last time okay. (look at #7)
11. i'm not crazy. (look at #6)
12. sorry. (look at #8)
13. don't be hype. (look at #10)
14. i don't know how to say this. (look at #3)
15. you must be ticked off now. (look at #9)
Weird is good. Strange is bad. Odd is what you call someone who you can't decide what to call them. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which means weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it,
If you have ever run into a door and/or tree,
If you have ever tripped over your own feet,
If you have ever fallen up the stairs,
If you have ever tripped down the stairs,
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason,
If you know someone who should be run over by a bus,
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa,
If you are crazy and/or insane and proud of it,
If you hear voices in your head,
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool,
If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects,
If you have ever laughed maniacally, choked and/or gagged from lack of oxygen, and then fainted dramatically,
If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people,
If you have your own little world,
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it,
If your skin is almost always cold...
If you've ever felt like something was watching you and then turned around to find nothing,
If you are bored and like to write stuff,
If you are anti-social sometimes,
If you've ever imagined killing off a fictional character to steal her fictional boyfriend,
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation,
If you have ever read past two in the morning,
If you love rain and thunder,
If you’ve been on the computer for hours on end reading multiple fanfictions,
If you like being utterly random,
If you support the Ichigo and Kisshu pairing,
If you support the Lettuce and Pai pairing,
If you support the Pudding and Taruto,
If you support the Zakuro and Kiechiro,
If you have noticed that in most animes the evil guys are the ones you fall in love with,
If you think Japan is cool, copy this into your profile.
If you prefer cloudy days to sunny ones,
If you love gazing out at the stars and the moon,
If you've ever sung a song you hated so much,
If you've ever threatened a computer or video game console,
If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun
If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist,
If you have EVER yelled at a TV after getting frustrated at someone who can't hear you,
If you like darkness more then light,
If you think Anime is the greatest thing since sliced bread!
If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other,
If with no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny,
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question,
If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles,
Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little,
If you think that life without computers is useless
If you're easily confused or confuzzled
If there are times when you just wanna annoy people for the heck of it
If you haven't died yet,
If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews,
If you are obsessed with something considered childish for someone your age,
If you have ever sat in a class and poked the person in front of you just for fun,
If you've ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head on a table for no reason
If you have ever been hit by a parked car
If you've ever driven your friends/family insane with your constant anime blathering,
If you believe all your favorite anime characters are indeed alive in their own dimension,
If you should be doing homework right now,
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
If you think Writer's Block is evil,
If you have ever had a crush on a movie character,
If you like smiley faces:D
If you are a total clutz
If you like chocolate as much as I do,
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile,
If you've ever wanted to say "fuck you" to any sort of authority,
If you find internet ads annoying,
If you love men with long hair, (mainly anime characters though!)
If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments;
If you've ever laughed so hard tears streamed down your face, you banged your head repeatedly on a table, and received weird looks from everyone in the immediate vicinity,
If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation,
If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.
COPY AND PAST THESE ONTO YOUR PROFILE!...
...I unfortunately have done all of the above...sigh Go ahead and laugh if you want! But it doesn't effect me!
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE!!! ... copy and paste these onto your profile
If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
8118423151811 = 98 percent
11141523125475 = 96 percent
but A-T-T-I -T-U-D-E
120209202145 = 100 percent
2211212198920 = 103 percent
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
1191911919199147 = 118 percent
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while HARDWORK and KNOWLEDGE will get you close, and ATTITUDE will get you there, its really the BULLSHIT and the ASSKISSING that will put you over the top.
A kid gave his teacher a blank piece of paper.
Teacher: What is this?
Kid: It's a drawing of a cow eating grass.
Teacher: (looked at the paper) Where's the grass?
Kid: The cow ate all of it.
Teacher: (looked at the paper again)Then, where's the cow?
Kid: It left because there was no more grass.
teacher: where is your homework?
boy: i ripped it up and spread it across the playground
boy: to keep away the elephants
teacher: what elephants?
boy: see its worked!
YOUR GUY SIDE:
You love hoodies. x
You love jeans. x
Dogs are better than cats.
It's hilarious when people get hurt. x
You've played with/against boys on a team. x
Shopping is torture.
Sad movies suck. x
You own/ed an X-Box or Wii.
Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid. x
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.x
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
You watch sports on TV.x
Gory movies are cool
You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
Baggy pants are cool to wear.
It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. x
You love to go crazy and not care what people think. x
Sports are fun
Talk with food in your mouth. x
Sleep with your socks on at night.
YOUR GIRL SIDE:
You wear lip gloss/stick.x
You love to shop.x
You wear eyeliner.x
You wear the color pink a lot.
Go to your mom for advice.
You consider cheerleading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black.
You like hanging out at the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
You like wearing jewelry.x
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.x
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don't like the movie Star Wars.
You were in gymnastics/dance.
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. x
You smile a lot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes. x
You care about what you look like. x
You like wearing dresses when you can.x
You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne. x
You love the movies.x
Used to play with dolls as little kid. x
Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.x
Like being the star of every thing.
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't. (I don't own this)
this is this cat
this is is cat
this is how cat
this is to cat
this is keep cat
this is a cat
this is retard cat
this is busy cat
this is for cat
this is forty cat
this is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on
Things my mother taught me:
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy..
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth or emo.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I’m a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I’m a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude
I’m STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly... Or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual. (mens sweatshirts and gym shorts are WAY more comfortable)
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I CHAT; I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I CRY easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I can't help but BLUSH when I'm around a cute guy so I MUST be a dumb slut
I'm good at SINGING so I MUST need attention
I'm QUIET so I MUST be stuck-up
I sit ALONE at lunch so I MUST be snobbish
I still have SLEEPOVERS with my female friends so I MUST be lesbian
I'm HARD TO FIGURE OUT so I MUST be impossible to get along with
I sometimes say I LOVE MY FRIENDS so I MUST be gay/lesbian
I wear MAKE-UP so I MUST be ugly
13 Things I Hate About Everyone:
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2 People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? I'mma kick their asses!
5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid 12 bucks to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8 When people say "life is short". What the heck? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does! What can you do that's longer?
9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? Ears?, Wellington boots?
11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.
13.McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering... It has to be a
McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser.
HOW GUYS FLIRT:
1. He stares at you a lot.
2. He hits you alot. (just play hitting )
3. He uses the first thing that pops into his head to start a conversation with you
4. He yelled, "Hi!", to your mum that day she picked you up from school.
5. He blew off his buds to go see "Brown Sugar" with you cuz you couldn't get another girl pal to go and didn't want to go alone.
6. He tries to make you laugh anyway even if he gets hurt in the process
7. His voice gets softer when ever you two talk.
8. You hung up on him. He called you back.
9. You were invited by him to a group outing.
10. He called you to talk about nothing at all.
11. He imitates your laugh. OK, you do laugh PRETTY LOUD. Which makes you laugh even harder...
12. He remembers little things you mention in casual conversation
13. He sometimes stares straight into your eyes.
14. He uses every possible way to touch you (your hair, face, thighs, KNEES,ect.)
HOW GIRLS FLIRT:
1.She calls you by your full name not just a nick name.
2. She hits you softly on the arm and laughs when you say something funny.
3. She flips her hair when she's talking to you.
4. She touches your arm when she talks to you.
5. She says, "No, I'm not telling you who I like!" with a big smile on her face.
6. She asks you who you like or who you would go out with seemingly interested.
7. When you go to the movies with a bunch of your friends and she is almost always next to you.
8. She criticizes you on a girl you like.
9. You catch her staring at you.
10. She plays with your hair or tries to put make up on you.
11. Her friends outside of school and in school know about you, and says she talks about you a lot.
12. She knows your phone number and address. ( stalker much? )
SIGNS THAT YOU ARE AN AUTHOR
1. Every time you hear a song, you think of a new story or one you've already written.
2. You have the last chapters of a story done before even thinking of the characters names.
3. You often imagine your books becoming movies.
4. Spell check is your best friend.
5. You give even the smallest of characters a huge background.
6. You hesitate before killing of one of your favorite characters.
7. You smile really big when your gonna finally write a character love scene.
8. Every time you read something, you make your own story of the same thing.
9. You'll spend an hour trying to find one word cause you won't dare use a synonym.
10. Not being able to write is like not being able to pee to you... you just can't hold it in for so long.
11. You write so fast, you leave out words in a sentence.
12. You have to tell at least one person your whole story before it's even written.
13. Things that are written bad annoy you and make you want to re-write it better.
14. You laugh at jokes you wrote yourself.
15. You can spell words like 'troublesome' but can't spell 'the' half the time.
16. If your not writing or typing, your fingers are moving constantly.
17. You talk to yourself... constantly.
18. You forget what day it is when your writing.
19. When you have to write some sort of story in class, you get carried away.
20. You would rather die than use words like 'good' or 'nice' and etc.
21. You put off the last chapter of a story simply because you don't want it to end.
22. You start to cry when writing about a death or other depressing event you knew was coming, and you are the one writing it.
23. When on a roll, you will ignore hunger, sleepiness, or the urge to pee until you run out of ideas.
24. If a story, movie, show, etc. finishes without closure, you have a powerful need to write a suitable ending.
25. You like to fidget, tap, or chew on the tip of something when you are trying to come up with a new sentence, paragraph, chapter, or story.
26. You are in love with the Thesaurus.
27. You dream about your stories.
28. You dream of new stories.
29. You often revisit some of your old stories. 30. You often have to write something a few times before you finally like it.
30. If you failed English 101.
31. Your friends don’t even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason.
32. You think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no ‘apparent’ reason.
33. You start constantly talking in third person, past tense.
34. People think you might have A.D.D.
35. You think it’d be cool to have A.D.D.
36. The letters are starting to wear off on the keys of your keyboard.
37. No matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.
38. When replying to someone else’s e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.
39. Your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
40. People start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.
41. You live off of sugar and caffeine.
42. After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, ‘Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!’
43. When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.
44. You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.
45. You talk to yourself a lot.
46. You check your profile every ten minutes.
47. You no longer refer to comments as "comments." They are now known only as "reviews."
48. Pens are for idiots, and you wouldn't be caught dead with one. How on earth are you supposed to erase when you want to rewrite?
49. You start laughing at the most inopportune times because you remembered something funny from a fanfic.
50. You pretend to take notes, but really you're getting a head start on your latest ficlet.
51. Short disclaimers are for losers. Whoever thinks up the craziest (or goriest O.O) gets a cookie.
52. You can't write for English class because you've used up all your ideas for fanfiction.
53. A story idea isn't a story idea. It's a plot bunny.
54. You hear people talking about a ship (the water variety), and you jump, like, five feet in the air and act like you've never heard the word used outside of the fanfiction context.
55. Whenever something inspiring happens, you screech, "Ooh! Fanfic idea!" and then immerse yourself in writing for the next three hours. (or all night. who sleeps?)
57. You repost this onto your profile! :)
58. You missed that there was no 56
59. You just looked back up to see if there really IS no 56
60. You're now smiling.
Random Messages on Answering Machines
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are you
The roses have wilted, the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head
The roses stink, sorta like sheep
But leave your name, number, and message after the beep
The roses are molding, the violets are rotten
And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten
Hi. This is John:
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.
Heaven, God speaking...
Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.
Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... (Cachunk!)
I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it...I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.
Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll...don't even think about it!...Don't...!
No! NO! Not THAT! Anything but that! Not the beep! No! Please! Not the beep! Anything but the beep!
Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange...mother...unicorn. I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.
C'mon...you can do it...just a little one. That's the way...just a little beep, just a little one. C'mon...good boy...here we go...like this—beeeeep, just a little one, beeeeeeeeeep, c'mon...There you go!
Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Bye.
Hello... Oh, wait! This is a recording! Leave a message and when I find my phone, I might get back with you.
This is you-know-who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.
I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am...
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message on my front with one of his magnets.
Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... [Ca-chunk!]
Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.
Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?
Hi, this is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions.
You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, dearest caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...
To my BFF's Kailey and Jessi!!!!!!!! LOVE YA GUYS!!!!!
FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella
BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!'
FRIENDS: Help you up when you fall down
BEST FRIENDS: Laugh and say, "Walk much, dumbass?"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "THAT WAS FRICKING AWSOME"
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'its because your gay isn't it?'
FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crappp!!
Take a walk in the house with a toothbrush.
Read the text on a shampoo bottle.
Laugh at our own jokes when we haven't even shared it.
Push a door when it clearly says 'PULL'.
We ask, 'What?' when we understand everything perfectly.
Hate it when the wind messes up our hair.
Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything.
Have to call our own phones to find it.
Check the time on our phones when we are wearing a watch.
Turning our pillow around so we sleep on the cold side.
When we stay up late, we count how many hours of sleep we get.
Smiling while reading this. :)
Copy and paste this if you are happy being a girl. :)
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