Hey folks! I'm Professor Fart Burger.

First of all: My name. Yes. You read that right, and no, I won't change it. [Not only is it absolutely awesome.. But my go-to name was taken.]

Secondly: Me!

Age: Is a number.

Name: Is an interesting subject that I likely won't ever reveal to the internets. Also known as ProfFartBurger, or [Redacted] On other sites.

Interests: Video Games, Movies, books, writing, and being a nuisance around my friends.

Favorite Games: The Mass Effect Series, the Legend of Zelda Series, the Metal Gear Solid Series, COD: WaW, COD: MW2, Brutal Legend, and the Fallout series [To name a few].

Favorite Movies: The Toy Story series, The Back to the Future Series, the Terminator 1 and 2 duo, The Pirates of the Caribbean Series, and the Expendables series.

Favorite Food: Sloppy Joes [I can only have then once a year, and as such, I make them in bulk! . . . They last a week, tops.]

Favorite Quote:
After invading Greece and receiving the submission of other key city-states, Philip II of Macedon sent a message to Sparta: "If I win this war, you will be slaves forever."
In another version, he warned: "You are advised to submit without further delay, for if I bring my army into your land, I will destroy your farms, slay your people, and raze your city."
According to both accounts, the Spartan ephors replied with one word: "If"
Subsequently neither Philip nor Alexander attempted to capture the city.

Favorite Number: Any permutation of 6, 1, and 2, in that order. [Whether it's 612, 6,001, 002, 6 and a half {6 1/2, geddit?] or 61.2, I'll take it!]

Goals and aspirations: Become a fireman, succeed in life, sixteen and a half second fart. Once I think of some better, serious, ones, I'll let you know.

I'm also on FictionPress! I've only got one story so far, but check it out nonetheless!

https://www.fictionpress.com/u/940555/

I'm ALSO also on DeviantArt!
Check me out:

I'm also, also, ALSO on Twitter!
Because... Why not?

@ProfFartBurger

And because the internet needed more FartBurger action, I've also got a Wordpress blog!

proffartburger(dot)wordpress(dot)com

{Memorable Milestones:}

11/8/14:
The Hopeless War made it to TV Tropes!

10/26/14:
TFW Made it to TV Tropes!

10/19/13:

1,500 favorites, folks.

ONE THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED!

That puts Mass Effect: The First War at the SECOND most favorite Mass Effect story on Fanfiction(Dot)net! (As of this date, at least) You've all, seriously, NO DAMN IDEA how thankful I am for this!

Thank you all for this, so very much.

6/10/13:
1,000 Followers, for The First War!
Folks, I can't say enough how much I appreciate this.
Only THREE Mass Effect Stories have 1K Followers (Mine included), this is a huge accomplishment.

4/30/13:
We fucking did it!
The First War hit 100,000 views today!
Give yourselves a pat on the back, folks!

3/4/13:
Today The First War hit twenty five thousand views!
Not only that, but a few hours later, it went on to gain twenty five hundred views, and surpass Hearing the Call!
I seriously can't explain to you how good this makes me feel, thanks so much, guys!

2/24/13:
Mass Effect: The First War hit two hundred favorites today!

2/23/13:
HtC Hit twenty five thousand views, today!! Thanks a lot, folks!

1/30/13:
Mass Effect: The First War hit ONE HUNDRED follows today!
In less than a week since it's publishing date, the two-chapter [So far] story has gotten over ONE HUNDRED follows!
Thanks a lot guys, you're really making me happy.

1/29/13: Mass Effect: The First war hit 2,200 views today!
AND it surpassed Hearing the Call in favorites/follows just a few hours ago. It's been up for THREE DAYS, and it surpassed my first story already.
Thanks a bunch guys!!
1/28/13:
My newest story [Mass Effect: The First War] just hit SIXTEEN HUNDRED VIEWS!
And it was only put up the day before yesterday!
Thanks a million guys!

1/21/13:
Hearing the Call just hit fifteen thousand!
Thanks for the fifteen thousand views! Here's to fifteen thousand more,
:)

1/10/13:
Rejoice!
Hearing the Call has hit ten thousand mother f*cking views!
It's 9:59 PM right now, and I'm looking at the view counter: 10,000!!!
You guys are awesome, it feels incredible to know that I've got so many people coming to read my stuff, so many people coming that I hit a number I never thought I'd hit: Ten Thousand Views.
Damn, I feel good right now. Enjoy the treat, you guys've earned it a day ahead of time.
And in case I haven't said it,
Thank you, to everyone who came to read my stuff,
A bigger thank you to those who are *still* reading my stuff,
And the biggest thank you to everyone who's going to *continue* to read my stuff!
Thanks again, and I'll see you guys at [Dare I say it] 20,000!

1/3/13: 4000 views!
Not just that, but nearly 4,500!
That means I got almost five hundred views in one day!
You guys are awesome!

12/30/12: 2000!
Not just that, but 2200!
I just hit 2200 views!
God damn, I'm going to be honest here, I did not expect this.
Less than a month ago, I found myself wandering through this site, looking for some good Mass Effect Self Inserts, that were different in horw they were executed. Because I noticed a pattern, in a vast majority of the SI's on this site. [A majority! Not an entirety!] This similarity was, the characters were basically turned to killing machines by the time they'd gone to Shepard. And nine times out of ten, when they met Shepard, was the first time they'd have killed someone. Yeah, they'd focus on it for a paragraph or so, but then they'd throw caution to the wind, and turn their characters into killing machines, who had little to no remorse when it came to killing. [I'll concede, a majority of the enemies in ME1 are the geth, robots, but that's not all of them.] Some even went to find creative ways to go nuts and kill everything. And to be honest, it was getting kind of stale.
So I found myself wondering, 'Why hasn't anyone focused on the mental aspect of the Character? In a Self Insert, you are, literally, taken from your home, and put into the game world of a 'deity''s choice. I'll admit, there are probably one or two soldiers, or cops out there, writing for us, but other than that, I'm pretty sure most of us are just regular teens, or regular guys, who go to work every day. So how can we become such efficient killers in a mere chapter? The way I see it, it would have to be a process, an intensely physical and mental process.
But I'm getting off track. A few hours later, I found myself writing the prologue for Mass Effect: Hearing the Call, a Self Insert story [hopefully] like no other. My plan going through this was to just soldier through it, I severely doubted I'd get so many views, reviews, and favorites in less than a month. As long as I could entertain one guy, I'd keep going.
So the prologue goes up, and as I start to draft Chapter 1, I see I got a review. Not just a review, but a favorite! And a follow!! This made me twice as determined to produce quality content. And as the reviews, follows, and favorites kept climbing, I kept writing, and puting more effort into my writing, to the point where I'm going over every sentence with a fine toothed comb to see if there's anything - -anything - - I can improve.
And when I got reviews from authors I actually happened to read, with both of them saying they'd be back!, I nearly fell out of my chair.
Now, here we are, eight chapters in, and I've gotten thirty eight reviews, twenty one favorite, and twenty nine follows. I can honestly say I didnot expect that, and am very pleasantly surprised.
So, over two thousand views in, I'd like to say from the bottom of my heart, I'd like to say thank you, to everyone, who took time out of their day to read my stuff, and to those who went one step further to review it. You guys are why I write, and I can't explain how happy I am to be entertaining you all.

The FartBurger FAQ, the top ten questions I get on a weekly basis:

1) Where did you get the idea for TFW?
The story specifically? Well, I simply wanted to know: What would have happened had the Protheans never left anything for the Humans? I took that and ran with it, and I apparently did something right along the way.

For the Humans of the Systems Alliance? Well, I've got a Project, I call it Project Universe. In it I've got dozens of species, governments, societies, and wars. I took the canon Humanity from PU and started integrating it into Mass Effect, with some changes of course.

2) Dude, this is Halo.
No it's not.

3) How did TFW get so popular?
Simply put: I attribute it to the fact that I love doing what I do, and what I do, is write. Whenever I've got free time, I'm either playing video games, or I'm writing. It's always one or the other. That seems to show in what I write and publish, because everyone seems to like it. I can't please everyone, of course, but I do talk to the nay-sayers to see what they don't like, and I try and improve upon it.

4) Seriously?
Yes.

5) Where did the idea for Christopher McGraw come from?
Christopher McGraw is, and essentially always was, my ace in the hole. I wanted a character who was part Einstein, part George Carlin, and part Me all in one. I wanted a genius who could crack jokes. I wanted an idiot who could outsmart a nuclear physicist. I wanted a nuclear physicist who could outsmart the guy who made nuclear physics!
The idea for McGraw came from me, as I do serve as the basis for his personality. But his purpose is, as said, the Ace in the Hole. The Comedic Relief, the Scientific Genius, and the Brain of the story. I wanted a guy who could make a particle weapon that shoots antimatter, just as easily as he could explain it in dumb-guy's terms; but I also wanted a guy I personally could relate to. The funny guy, who could crack a million jokes, but still know when to bunker down and get the work done.
Of course, I've also got to fix a walking Deus Ex Machina in there... Somewhere! How else would I explain half the stuff McGraw does?

- - - 6) When is the next chapter/story coming out?
I get this a lot, and all I can say is I'm definitely working on it! Check the updates section below, though, I might have a reason if I'm not, and I'm constantly updating the profile to keep everyone on the same page.
The process with the chapters and stories go: Draft, Edit, Continuity Check, SendToTheBeta, WorkWithTheBeta, Edit More, repeat. This takes a lot more time than you'd think.

7) I'm serious, this is Halo!!
Okay, man, look. This isn't Halo! I know there are a lot of similarities, but I attribute it to Great Minds Think Alike. Yes, Halo and The WarVerse have Railguns, Warp Drives, and Super Soldiers. But they aren't the same! They are different! Similar, but different!

Comparing TFW with Halo is like saying Lord of the Rings is the same thing as Zelda. Saying I ripped it off is like saying Nintendo ripped off J. R. R. Tolkien.
I admit the similarities, I recognize them, and I am trying to change them, but the fact of the matter is: I'm not ripping anyone off, and this is all Original Content!

8) Dude, you're awesome!
Why... Thank you!

9) Do you plan on getting published?
Yes, but not any of my sci-fi stuff. At least, not initially.
I've got a story I've been crafting for years, that I want to get published at some point, and that I will publish, period. When it happens I don't know, but I do know it will happen. If my writing career takes off because of it, I'll surely start writing my sci-fi stuff for the public! But, not before I write the novel I've been working on since fifth grade.

10) What is your creative process? How do you get around to writing these stories?
As anticlimactic as it sounds, I daydream. I see the world around me, and place my world atop it. I think about what would be ten different kinds of cool, imagine it ten different ways, and then I draft the best amalgam of all the imaginings.
As to my ideas themselves, they come contextually, funnily enough. My Sci-Fi, for instance, came entirely from hearing an advertisement for some military movie. I heard them chanting their cadences in the boot-camp scene, and I got to thinking of soldiers. Then Supersoldiers entered my mind, and one thing led to another, and I was crafting the UNiverse.
You read that right, all of my imaginings for my OC Humans, stemmed from the cadence chantings from a trailer for a movie I've never actually given the second thought to look up. Rail Guns, Warp Drives, SIGMAs, they all came from that one Cadence Chant... Those five seconds spawned a universe.

Stories:

- - In Progress:

(Dates Subject To Change)

Mass Effect: The Hopeless War (Next Chapter: 2016)

Mass Effect: The New Face of War (Next Chapter: May 2016)

- - Coming Soon:

Terra's Sol - Displacement (TBA; an OC Story; Website to be decided)

- - Completed:

Mass Effect: The First War

Mass Effect: Hearing the Call

Updates:

6/14/16:

Six One Two day came and went, it's time for the news!

proffartburger{dot}wordpress{dot}com /2016/06/14/sotday-2016-keep-going/

5/25/16:

Hey folks!

I've got a lot to say, but not a lot of time to say it.

First things first, I've started up a new blog, which I'm making slow progress into making my central one, you can find it on wordpress, here: proffartburger(dot)wordpress(dot)com

Now, the updates have been slow for a multitude of reasons. Primarily job-related. I'll put the whole story on my Wordpress blog, but the short version is I finally fucking quit, and I've been dedicating %75 percent of my time to finding a new job for the last month. Fortunately, I'm on the fast track to getting a new one very soon, so I'm hoping that'll help get me out of my funk and writing again.

TNFW's next chapter should be coming out by the end of the month, the end of this week if at all possible, continuing the 'Week Without Shadows' and the opening salvo of the Saltorian War.

And a looooooooot of you have been asking recently: What's the deal with the Hopeless War?

Well, I won't say much, but... It's coming.
Very soon.
There were some things I needed to iron out in regards to the ending, and getting there, but I've got a general game plan going for me now, so I'm hoping to start drafting Arc 2 very soon. In a perfect world, it'll start hitting screens this summer, but in a realistic one, by November/December.

I'll give you this little tease, to let you know what I've been planning for it:

"We are not alone. But we will be." - Mass Effect: The Hopeless War, Arc 2, 2016.

And if you're a little hungry for more, I've posted a few other teases on my Twitter, so go check 'em out!

Now, in other news, for those of you that have read Round One, I've got good news.
The longer version of this bit of news can be found on my Wordpress blog, but the short version is that the guy who made Riku read it, loved it, and gave me his blessing to novelize our adventures together. So I've begun work on Oasis Phenom: Round One (Title-change pending). It'll be my first, and my biggest, foray into truly Original Content, and I can't wait to introduce you all to the world of Chris and Riku.

The absolute best proof of concept for this story would be Round One, and you can find it anywhere I've laid my flag: Fictionpress, Deviantart, Figment, Wattpad, the works. If you liked the SIGMA vs SIGMA fights earlier in TNFW, then you'll like this, which takes those fights and turns them to eleven.

'Till next time, folks!

-PFB

2/26/16:

Round One...

https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3278941/1/Round-One

FIGHT!

2/3/16:

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY FUCK!

Hey, folks!

So, I think I know what each and every one of you is - WHERE THE FLIP FLOP HAVE YOU BEEN, WHY HAS THERE BEEN NO NEWS IN NEARLY THREE MONTHS, WHERE'S THE NEXT TNFW CHAPTER?!

Well, to put it simply, if you've been following my twitter, you'll have some idea of what the f*ck I've been up to the last two months. If you haven't, allow me to explain:

The long and short of it is, I got bored one day and decided to brush off a few really old characters that myself and my friend had made back during fifth grade. I wanted to have a little fun with them, reinterpret them now that I'm much... Less ten years old than I was back then, and play on an inside joke my friend and I always had - just what would happen if these two ever fought?

So, a little bored and excited after watching the entirety of my 'Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting!' playlist on youtube, I decided to jump right in and write myself a fight scene. No background, extremely little buildup, no context, just two superheroes beating the shit out of eachother.n

Before I knew what I was doing, I'd written about four thousand words and was having a blast. There's all kind of unbelievable BS in this thing - from a Hulkbuster-esque suit crushing his skeleton with every punch, to a skyscraper getting blown up, to a gunfight on the flying debris of said skyscraper, to an epic Matrix/Dragonball-esque kung-fu fight in the rain.

Initially I found it hard to describe it succinctly, but then I figured it out - it is basically Gray Fox of Metal Gear fame, versus Will Smith's Hancock.
Gray Fox vs Hancock. Just let that sink in, for a second, I'll wait.

I did get some work on the TNFW drafts done, but as I kept going back to what I was quickly calling 'Round One', I kept having more and more fun with it, and before I knew what was happening, I'd put everything on hold to finish it.

Right now, before the edits and minor additions/subtractions, and the author's note describing, in detail, what the f*ck it is and some of the history behind it, it's sitting just shy of thirty thousand words.
To put that in perspective, that's equivalent to three and a half chapters of anything else I would write.
Three and a half chapters worth of non-stop, over the top, rule of cool abusive, epic-awesome action fighting.

Literally, the only reason it wasn't twice as long is because I put it at a point in their story where one of the characters couldn't fight on the level of a Super Saiyan, without donning a suit of power armor. Had I done so at that point, the fight would have been much, much longer, and would have been fought on a much larger scale than just one city.

But I'll leave that for Round Two, assuming Round One is positively received... And trust me, if you guys liked the fights between John and the SIGMAs, I think you'll all love this. It takes those two and cranks 'em up to eleven.

Now that I've finished drafting it, and have moved on to the editing phase, I'll be working more on the next TNFW chapter, which should come out soon. My goal is to get it up before the 26th, as that's when I plan to release Round One.

To throw you all a bone, I'll tell you that I'll be using the next TNFW chapter to experiment a bit. It will be a large-scale battle chapter, switching between multiple points of view, ala early TFW, but the main focus will be a sole character, watching the battle and directing it, leading his soldiers to a hopeful victory.

Obviously, not something I've done before, but that's why this is an experiment. I want to use it as a jumping off point for the next third of the story, whilst also helping put more of a foundation for the character that will be the chapter's focal point. I can't just say 'Oh, he's badass.' and not have any proof, I need to show it.

But, I digress.

I'm not dead.

I've just been cheating on all of you.

But don't worry.

ProfFartBurger is back, just need to get back into the swing of things.

(Also, I enlisted the help of Deadpool back on Christmas Day. If you've ever wondered what my ugly mug looks like, go check out my Twitter photos.)

'Till next time!

-PFB

5/29/15

And just like that, holy Jesus Cow-Humping Christ, I’m a licensed-to-drive highschool graduate.

Let me just say that again: Jesus CHRIST, I’m an adult! Eighteen, got my license, got my diploma… Pretty much the only thing I’m missing is a job.

Today, by the time you have read this, I will have officially graduated highschool, and with that I took the first real step into adulthood. There’s really not much else to say - I’ve been driving for a few days now, and I’ve managed not to kill anyone (though I’m a cautious driver, so I’ve pissed quite a few people off), and I’ve still no G-D job, but the former will change with time, and the latter will be fixed before July’s out, or so help me I’ll do something drastic… Like beg.

So, what does this mean?

Well, let me do what I do best and tell a story.

Back in 2006/2007, round-faced and innocent as I was, I was still figuring out WTF this thing called the ‘internet’ was. During this journey of discovery, I discovered an online artist known now by the moniker ‘ScootWHOOKOS’. Seriously, just look up ‘WHOOKOS’ and you’ll find him. This was back when literally all I had was freetime (and definitely a lot more innocence than I have now), so when I stumbled onto newgrounds, his base of operations at the time, what I was looking for wasn’t bad animations, rude comedy or porn, nope: I wanted to find Legend of Zelda animations.

Back then and still now I was one of the biggest Zelda fans I know, pretty much everything I did was Zelda, and this guy came out with pretty much exactly what I wanted - Zelda animations.

His (thus far) Magnum Opus was a series (since been rebooted, but I digress) called ‘The Legend of Zelda: Unknown Origins’. By the time I found it, there were three episodes out, and I watched ‘em all in a heartbeat, I was in love.

I started following this guy, because not only did the animations catch my interest, but so too did the style of the animation. Anime!

Now, what does this have to do with… Anything? It’s simple, really, I’ve been following this guy ever since I first found him, and he was the guy who first got me into storytelling.

It started radically different from what I do now, back then all I wanted was to draw comics. I drew, I drew, I drew, superheroes, villains, Legend of Zelda, I drew it all and… Well, I read my old stuff recently, I’ve no idea how it manages to be coherent, but it does tell a story! What story, I can’t tell, but it is a story, and that’s what matters!

During this period, I pretty much found myself, and discovered my passion for creating and entertaining, and after a while, however, I found a different, but still similar passion to the art of comics: Writing.

Around fifth grade, I started working on a project I’m still fleshing out now as a matter of fact. (I’m kind of hoping it’ll be what makes me my million, haha.) And around seventh grade, I began experimenting with the written word as my medium, with the drawn canvas as something to supplement it. I knew well and good that Drawing wasn’t my strong suit - I loved doing it, but that wasn’t where my strengths lie. No, the written word seemed to fit that category.

I wrote whatever hit my fancy. A lot of it was sci-fi/shooter/action/war stuff that was loosely connected to my Big Idea, but nothing really coherent, I was just experimenting at the time, and none of the stories I wrote were anything close to the massive shared universe I’ve got cooking up nowadays. They all contributed, and shreds of those stories can still be found in the Big One I’m making today, but they all still are mere shells compared to the mighty beast that is what I’m crafting right now.

Now, during all of these experiments, I never once stopped enjoying the things that came to me. Scoot’s animations, various books, video games, etcetera. It was around Christmas of 2011 that I, on a whim, bought my first copy of Mass Effect 2. It was during a Christmas sale, and it was up for five bucks, so… Why not? Now, this was before they ported ME1 over to the Playstation, but I didn’t mind - an hour in and I was hooked. I’ve had to have played this damn game series six or seven times now, on average, and that doesn’t count the individual times I’ve played through all of the games - just the times I’ve completed the whole series, now that I’ve got ME1, 2, AND 3 on my shelf.

I got so enamored with the world of Mass Effect that I ended up doing something I’d kind of ridiculed beforehand: I started seeking out fanfiction. Now, by ‘ridiculed’, I say it less in a ‘I hate it and I preached this hate from rooftops’, but more I just found it something of a waste of time, kind of ridiculous. (Obviously not the case anymore, but I digress.)

One of the first stories I found, which has unfortunately died since I’ve read it, was a story on DeviantArt called ‘Nearing the End’. I thought - and still think - the damn thing was beautiful, and it inspired me to keep reading Mass Effect stories on DeviantArt until I discovered FanFiction(dot)net, and I was introduced to the truly wide and expansive world of internet fanfiction.

Eventually I found my way into the Self Insert category, and fell in love all over again. The tales of average joes becoming badass motherfucker motherfuckers just got me all giddy and ready to go lead an army on the inside. So around December of 2012, I thought ‘oh, what the hell! Let’s do it!’ and tried my hand at it.

Thus, Mass Effect: Hearing the Call was born.

Now, Jesus, this story. I read it now and am rather embarrassed at how bad I was back then, compared to now. (But make no mistake - I still think I’m bad, I just think I’m a bit less so.) But I like what I did with it, I just wrote what I wanted. I wanted big action, I wanted supersoldiers, I wanted unexplainable space-magic superpowers, I wanted so many characters from every game I was into at the time, I just wrote what I thought was cool.

Ignoring how many corners I’ve written myself into with that story, I still stand by every word, and no matter how embarrassed it may make me every now and again, I do love the damn thing to death. (And despite what some readers may think, I AM working on the sequel. I’m experimenting with something else, but that’s an update on its own.)

Spelling errors, telling not showing, tense shifts, the G-D first person present point of view, telling not showing, lack of environmental detail, Gary Stu, meta meta meta, every mistake I could make, I did with this one, but I learned from it, and for reasons I still can’t fathom, people loved it!

I got constructive criticism, and I only got better.

So, about a month after I publish that story, I’m making my first big strides towards improving my craft, and I’m simultaneously making my first small steps towards making my Big One less of a big one and more of a shared universe, ala Marvel/DC Comics. But I didn’t want to just thrust myself into the published world without any kind of experience, so I thought to myself, how could I test the waters? Then it hit me - I had something of an audience, why not get them to help me?

So I thought for a while, weighed my strengths, tossed out my weaknesses, and asked myself what I wanted to test first, and I decided that I wanted to test my OC-Canon Humanity.

Unfortunately, a great deal of the things that makes my Human race my Human race were things I didn’t yet want hitting the internet, so I stripped away so much that I’d unintentionally made a new canon entirely… That represented heavily one that already existed. Many of the fantasy elements from my stories were removed entirely, my universe is less ‘Halo’ and more ‘Tame WH40K’, but I took it all away, and though I didn’t know it at the time, that ended up making my Humans something of a carbon copy of Halo’s UNSC. Completely unintentionally, mind you, but still, it happened on my watch, and I’m rather ashamed and embarrassed about it.

But I pushed on, and gave my Humanity a reason to exist within the Mass Effect universe, with but a simple question: What if the Prothean Ruins didn’t have anything in ‘em? What would happen?

Well, Mass Effect: The First War happened, Jesus Christ, did it happen.

Somehow I’d made a story that wholly eclipsed HtC (which, at the time, was my most successful venture.) in popularity, so obviously I kept going with what I was doing.

I got far more feedback from that story than I got from HtC, all of it I learned from; hell, even now, sometimes I go back and read every single one of the reviews to make sure I’ve learned from ‘em.

When The First War hit it big, I got a lot of confidence in what I was doing, you’ve all no idea how much that helped me get over my blocks. Hell, as of this writing, it’s sitting high and proud at number two, overall, in the favorites section for the Mass Effect category on this website. (As a matter of fact, for all stories tagged ‘OC’, all of my stories are on the first page!) And I got confident enough to keep going, to experiment more.

Things like Christopher McGraw, his as-of-yet-unnamed adversary, John S2-15, the Saltorians, The Hopeless War in its entirety, and MORE yet to be revealed, all of those things were more and more peeks and rips from my universe. I’m using Fanfiction(dot)net as a testing grounds for my concepts, and so far, the test has been a resounding success. Even moreso if you consider how much I’ve improved over the years.

I mean, hell, The First War is, as of this writing, sitting high at THREE QUARTERS, OF A MILLION VIEWS! 750,000!!! Seven hundred and fifty thousand people have come to read my story!

To put that into perspective, if TFW were a book on Amazon, and every view counted as a copy sold, and I sold every copy for just $2, I’d have 1.5 million dollars in a bank account somewhere, wondering how it got there. That idea baffles me, but it also inspires me - as I’ve said so many times you’re all probably annoyed by it now.

So, by now you’re probably wondering: Well, that’s all fine and dandy… But what does this mean?! I want TSW, I want THW, damn it, Burg, where’s my McGraw? My totally-not-a-Halo-rip?! My Humanity-lost-a-war-story?!

Well, that’s coming up right now. What all of this means is that I have the confidence to invest more in the written word. Obviously my priority is my own life - getting a job, setting myself up, etc. - but this gift I seem to have, my passion for writing, color me crazy but I think that’s going to play into my life, somehow, someway, someday. And the confidence to try and invest in this passion, to try and tell the world my stories, came from all of you reading, following, favoriting, and reviewing my stories. Like I said before, you’ve no idea how much you’ve all helped.

So I’m making the decision right now, outside of getting a job and finding a way to support myself, I’m going to invest as much free time as I can safely into the written word. That means TSW, THW, even AtC are all going to be getting a lot more attention in the coming weeks.

My plan, therefor, is as follows* so those of you skipping through, looking for the gameplan, here’s what you want to read:

Priority one goes to TSW (which is going to undergo a rebranding once its hiatus runs up, it won’t be ‘The Saltorian War’ any longer, as I’ve decided that falsely advertises what it is and what it hopes to accomplish.) As the Mass Effect: WarVerse is my most successful written venture to date, that obviously will be getting the most of my time. My goal is to get somewhere from fifteen to twenty chapters stockpiled and waiting to release, that way I can release them weekly, get you all the whole story faster, and you can see the method to my madness.

Priority Two goes to The Hopeless War’s second (final) half. I’ve got a general outline for what I want done and how I want it to get done, all I really need to do is find the words to get it done. Like TSW, I’m hoping to get chapters stockpiled (or, god willing, half to three quarters of the arc done), so I can release it weekly and get you all the story faster. And trust me when I say you all are going to like it, I’ve gotten the ending all planned out and outlined, and - if you’ll allow me a just a little self-indulgence - it’s fucking beautiful.

Priority Three goes to Answering the Call. Now, I’ve been getting a lot of emails as of late, wondering what the deal is with that series. Allow me to clear the air by saying, as of right now, I have no plans of cancelling it… But that may very well change, and it isn’t a decision I’ll make lightly. It all boils down to the fact that I’ll end up just telling a story that’s already been told before - the story of Shepard, just with “my” sorry ass riding shotgun. I don’t really want to do that, but with the way I’ve written the story thus far, that’s the only real thing I can do. I’m experimenting with many options - one of which is a wholesale reboot - to try and make the story what I want it to be, but outside of the promise that I am working on it, I can’t promise anything.

Priority four goes to what I’m calling the ‘Terra’s Sol’ trilogy. If you follow my DeviantArt, you know the saga, trials, and tribulations I’ve had with nailing a plot down for this damn story, but I’ve actually done it now, and I’ve started outlining the first of the three on-paper. Terra’s Sol will serve as the first (albeit slightly filtered) look at my universe, both as a proving grounds for my ideas and as a way to improve everything as best I can before I make the final leap to a full release. With this series, you’ll be seeing, perhaps not directly, given when/where it’s going to be set, but still, you will be seeing all the results of all of your critiques and comments on The Warerse’s stories. Terra’s Sol will provide the first look at the universe that contains the books and stories I’d like to get published one day, so obviously you’ll see a lot of work get put in to it. What I’m thinking of doing with Terra’s Sol is first publishing it sequentially on websites like DeviantArt and other writing websites (a friend suggested WattPad and some other websites I could try, and I’ve always got FictionPress), and after each story in the trilogy is finished, I’ll wrap them all up in a pretty pink polka-dotted bow, do revisions and edits, and then post them - for free - on the Amazon Kindle-store. Baby steps, folks, XD

Finally, Priority Five goes towards Monetization. Not of my fanfictions - god no, that’s so many different kinds of illegal it makes my head spin - but just… In general. Several people have pointed me to places like and Kickstarter as a way to kickstart (ba-dum-tss) my forray into the literary world, and I’ve started looking into the logistics of trying something like that, but I’m going to do my research first, then consult with some trusted confidants to get their opinions, and then ask all of you what your opinion on it would be, before I even consider dedicating to something like that. Because, while making some money off of my writing would help go a loooooooong way in boosting confidence and helping me get some kind of income stream, among other equally important things, I will not do it if you all think it would be a bad idea. I’d rather save the money-making part for my actual published works if you all think it a better route to take. And, while this doesn’t even need to be said, really, if I go down this path, it’ll be absolutely voluntary for all of you - not a one of you will be obligated to donate any of your hard-earned money towards myself and the furthering of my craft. It’ll be a strictly optional, voluntary decision. I’ll go into far more detail about this road if I end up making the decision to invest in it; who knows? I might end up making some kind of ‘Hello, everyone, my name is ProfFartBurger!’ greetings and salutations video to set the tone. You all might finally get to see the ugly mug and hear the godawful voice that spawned Chris McGraw, XD

Well, that’s it, folks. (Or, should I say, ‘that’s all, folks!’...? No? Anyone? Come on, I’ve been waiting to make that joke for years… Okay…) Not much else to say, other than the obvious:

Regardless what the future brings, thank you for all you all have done for me. Whether or not you realize it, each and every single one of you have had a profound impact on my life and my development. I’m still a snide, nervous wreck, but I’m a snide, nervous wreck who seems to have a marketable skill!

Once again, thank you. I can’t say it enough - THANK YOU!

Yes, you, right there. The one thinking ‘Oh, I know he’s not talking about me’ - yes I’m talking about you! I see you right now! Looking all incredulous, I even know what you’re thinking - this joke’s going on too long, is he seriously doing this - YES I’M SERIOUSLY DOING THIS!

Did you expect any different?

- ‘Till next time, folks!

-ProfFartBurger.

(“I’m not stupid, I’m smart from the other direction!” - The FartBurger Motto.)