Hey folks! I'm Professor Fart Burger.

First of all: My name. Yes. You read that right, and no, I won't change it. [Not only is it absolutely awesome.. But my go-to name was taken.]

Secondly: Me!

Age: [Redacted]

Name: [Redacted] Also known as ProfFartBurger, or [Redacted] On other sites.

Interests: Video Games, Movies, books, writing, and being a nuisance around my friends.

Favorite Games: The Mass Effect Series, the Legend of Zelda Series, the Metal Gear Solid Series, COD: WaW, COD: MW2, Brutal Legend, and the Fallout series [To name a few].

Favorite Movies: The Toy Story series, The Back to the Future Series, the Terminator 1 and 2 duo, The Pirates of the Caribbean Series, and the Expendables series.

Favorite Food: Sloppy Joes [I can only have then once a year, and as such, I make them in bulk! . . . They last a week, tops.]

Favorite Quote:
After invading Greece and receiving the submission of other key city-states, Philip II of Macedon sent a message to Sparta: "If I win this war, you will be slaves forever."
In another version, he warned: "You are advised to submit without further delay, for if I bring my army into your land, I will destroy your farms, slay your people, and raze your city."
According to both accounts, the Spartan ephors replied with one word: "If"
Subsequently neither Philip nor Alexander attempted to capture the city.

Favorite Number: Any permutation of 6, 1, and 2, in that order. [Whether it's 612, 6,001, 002, 6 and a half {6 1/2, geddit?] or 61.2, I'll take it!]

Goals and aspirations: Become a fireman, succeed in life, sixteen and a half second fart. Once I think of some better ones, I'll let you know.

I'm also on FictionPress! I've only got one story so far, but check it out nonetheless!

https://www.fictionpress.com/u/940555/

I'm ALSO also on DeviantArt!
Check me out:

http://proffartburger.deviantart.com/

{Memorable Milestones:}

10/19/13:

1,500 favorites, folks.

ONE THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED!

That puts Mass Effect: The First War at the SECOND most favorite Mass Effect story on Fanfiction(Dot)net! (As of this date, at least) You've all, seriously, NO DAMN IDEA how thankful I am for this!

Thank you all for this, so very much.

6/10/13:
1,000 Followers, for The First War!
Folks, I can't say enough how much I appreciate this.
Only THREE Mass Effect Stories have 1K Followers (Mine included), this is a huge accomplishment.

4/30/13:
We fucking did it!
The First War hit 100,000 views today!
Give yourselves a pat on the back, folks!

3/4/13:
Today The First War hit twenty five thousand views!
Not only that, but a few hours later, it went on to gain twenty five hundred views, and surpass Hearing the Call!
I seriously can't explain to you how good this makes me feel, thanks so much, guys!

2/24/13:
Mass Effect: The First War hit two hundred favorites today!

2/23/13:
HtC Hit twenty five thousand views, today!! Thanks a lot, folks!

1/30/13:
Mass Effect: The First War hit ONE HUNDRED follows today!
In less than a week since it's publishing date, the two-chapter [So far] story has gotten over ONE HUNDRED follows!
Thanks a lot guys, you're really making me happy.

1/29/13: Mass Effect: The First war hit 2,200 views today!
AND it surpassed Hearing the Call in favorites/follows just a few hours ago. It's been up for THREE DAYS, and it surpassed my first story already.
Thanks a bunch guys!!
1/28/13:
My newest story [Mass Effect: The First War] just hit SIXTEEN HUNDRED VIEWS!
And it was only put up the day before yesterday!
Thanks a million guys!

1/21/13:
Hearing the Call just hit fifteen thousand!
Thanks for the fifteen thousand views! Here's to fifteen thousand more,
:)

1/10/13:
Rejoice!
Hearing the Call has hit ten thousand mother f*cking views!
It's 9:59 PM right now, and I'm looking at the view counter: 10,000!!!
You guys are awesome, it feels incredible to know that I've got so many people coming to read my stuff, so many people coming that I hit a number I never thought I'd hit: Ten Thousand Views.
Damn, I feel good right now. Enjoy the treat, you guys've earned it a day ahead of time.
And in case I haven't said it,
Thank you, to everyone who came to read my stuff,
A bigger thank you to those who are *still* reading my stuff,
And the biggest thank you to everyone who's going to *continue* to read my stuff!
Thanks again, and I'll see you guys at [Dare I say it] 20,000!

1/3/13: 4000 views!
Not just that, but nearly 4,500!
That means I got almost five hundred views in one day!
You guys are awesome!

12/30/12: 2000!
Not just that, but 2200!
I just hit 2200 views!
God damn, I'm going to be honest here, I did not expect this.
Less than a month ago, I found myself wandering through this site, looking for some good Mass Effect Self Inserts, that were different in horw they were executed. Because I noticed a pattern, in a vast majority of the SI's on this site. [A majority! Not an entirety!] This similarity was, the characters were basically turned to killing machines by the time they'd gone to Shepard. And nine times out of ten, when they met Shepard, was the first time they'd have killed someone. Yeah, they'd focus on it for a paragraph or so, but then they'd throw caution to the wind, and turn their characters into killing machines, who had little to no remorse when it came to killing. [I'll concede, a majority of the enemies in ME1 are the geth, robots, but that's not all of them.] Some even went to find creative ways to go nuts and kill everything. And to be honest, it was getting kind of stale.
So I found myself wondering, 'Why hasn't anyone focused on the mental aspect of the Character? In a Self Insert, you are, literally, taken from your home, and put into the game world of a 'deity''s choice. I'll admit, there are probably one or two soldiers, or cops out there, writing for us, but other than that, I'm pretty sure most of us are just regular teens, or regular guys, who go to work every day. So how can we become such efficient killers in a mere chapter? The way I see it, it would have to be a process, an intensely physical and mental process.
But I'm getting off track. A few hours later, I found myself writing the prologue for Mass Effect: Hearing the Call, a Self Insert story [hopefully] like no other. My plan going through this was to just soldier through it, I severely doubted I'd get so many views, reviews, and favorites in less than a month. As long as I could entertain one guy, I'd keep going.
So the prologue goes up, and as I start to draft Chapter 1, I see I got a review. Not just a review, but a favorite! And a follow!! This made me twice as determined to produce quality content. And as the reviews, follows, and favorites kept climbing, I kept writing, and puting more effort into my writing, to the point where I'm going over every sentence with a fine toothed comb to see if there's anything - -anything - - I can improve.
And when I got reviews from authors I actually happened to read, with both of them saying they'd be back!, I nearly fell out of my chair.
Now, here we are, eight chapters in, and I've gotten thirty eight reviews, twenty one favorite, and twenty nine follows. I can honestly say I didnot expect that, and am very pleasantly surprised.
So, over two thousand views in, I'd like to say from the bottom of my heart, I'd like to say thank you, to everyone, who took time out of their day to read my stuff, and to those who went one step further to review it. You guys are why I write, and I can't explain how happy I am to be entertaining you all.

The Insert Break Poll:

Mass Effect: Insert/[Prophet:

David 'Tor' Westor. An eighteen year old slacker, no true plans for his life after his planned stint in the United States Military. Chosen by a government he hadn't thought even existed, the Salarian Union forces upon David their one true technological marvel, that even the highest ranking STG Personnel could not explain its origins, Specimen Six of the Genesis Project is grafted with the one, the only, CryNet Nanosuit 2. Armed with a feat of engineering that shouldn't even be feasible in his universe, now the escapee Specimen Six, David must evade the Gaaxy's most secretive, feared para-military special forces unit: The Salarian Special Tasks Group. To do so, David is sent to the one true place where any alien can go to ground and disappear, after all: There's only one rule. David's difficulties will only be the beginning, however, as he is forced to do the dancer turned ambitious warlord Aria T'Loak's bidding, David must unravel the mysteries surrounding himself, first, and hopefully even find a way home during the journey; after all: Being the only Human being on Omega isn't all it might seem to be.

Mass Effect: Insert/[Conduit:

David Westor, leech-Conduit, Bio-Terrorist, survivor of Empire City, and wielder of two fearsome powers. For years, David has fled the para-military group formed in the wake of the Empire Event, and subsequent New Marais Pulse, wishing only to bunker down, hide his abilities, and lead the normal life he'd wanted to lead before The Blast. However, the Salarian Union has other plans entirely. After discovering a planet filled to the brim with beings who are able to manipulate the very fabric of reality, the STG begin their own hunt for the 'Leech' breed of Sapiens Aquæductu, Conduits with the ability to absorb - or, 'leech' - the abilities off of their fellow Conduits. After discovering Westor as he moves towards an unassuming settlement on the Canadian border, the STG abducts the Conduit to begin experimenting on him. Months of experimenting ensue, and after an STG Agent grows a heart, and lets David escape, she guides him to the one place where any alien can go to ground and disappear, after all: There's only one rule.
But as the STG Agent fights to allay suspicions, David works to unravel his own mysteries, being discovered by the then-Dancer Aria T'Loak. She sees David as her golden ticket, and uses him to kick-start her plans to take Omega for herself. 'Aria's Conduit', however, would soon come to find himself at a crossroads: In a world where the strongest survive, and none are stronger than him, did the possibility even exist that he could go home?
Does he even want to?

The FartBurger FAQ, the top ten questions I get on a weekly basis:

1) Where did you get the idea for TFW?
The story specifically? Well, I simply wanted to know: What would have happened had the Protheans never left anything for the Humans? I took that and ran with it, and I apparently did something right along the way.

For the Humans of the Systems Alliance? Well, I've got a Project, I call it Project Universe. In it I've got dozens of species, governments, societies, and wars. I took the canon Humanity from PU and started integrating it into Mass Effect, with some changes of course.

2) Dude, this is Halo.
No it's not.

3) How did TFW get so popular?
Simply put: I attribute it to the fact that I love doing what I do, and what I do, is write. Whenever I've got free time, I'm either playing video games, or I'm writing. It's always one or the other. That seems to show in what I write and publish, because everyone seems to like it. I can't please everyone, of course, but I do talk to the nay-sayers to see what they don't like, and I try and improve upon it.

4) Seriously?
Yes.

5) Where did the idea for Christopher McGraw come from?
Christopher McGraw is, and essentially always was, my ace in the hole. I wanted a character who was part Einstein, part George Carlin, and part Me all in one. I wanted a genius who could crack jokes. I wanted an idiot who could outsmart a nuclear physicist. I wanted a nuclear physicist who could outsmart the guy who made nuclear physics!
The idea for McGraw came from me, as I do serve as the basis for his personality. But his purpose is, as said, the Ace in the Hole. The Comedic Relief, the Scientific Genius, and the Brain of the story. I wanted a guy who could make a particle weapon that shoots antimatter, just as easily as he could explain it in dumb-guy's terms; but I also wanted a guy I personally could relate to. The funny guy, who could crack a million jokes, but still know when to bunker down and get the work done.
Of course, I've also got to fix a walking Deus Ex Machina in there... Somewhere! How else would I explain half the stuff McGraw does?

- - - 6) When is the next chapter/story coming out?
I get this a lot, and all I can say is I'm definitely working on it! Check the updates section below, though, I might have a reason if I'm not, and I'm constantly updating the profile to keep everyone on the same page.
The process with the chapters and stories go: Draft, Edit, Continuity Check, SendToTheBeta, WorkWithTheBeta, Edit More, repeat. This takes a lot more time than you'd think.

7) I'm serious, this is Halo!!
Okay, man, look. This isn't Halo! I know there are a lot of similarities, but I attribute it to Great Minds Think Alike. Yes, Halo and The WarVerse have Railguns, Warp Drives, and Super Soldiers. But they aren't the same! They are different! Similar, but different!

Comparing TFW with Halo is like saying Lord of the Rings is the same thing as Zelda. Saying I ripped it off is like saying Nintendo ripped off J. R. R. Tolkien.
I admit the similarities, I recognize them, and I am trying to change them, but the fact of the matter is: I'm not ripping anyone off, and this is all Original Content!

8) Dude, you're awesome!
Why... Thank you!

9) Do you plan on getting published?
Yes, but not any of my sci-fi stuff. At least, not initially.
I've got a story I've been crafting for years, that I want to get published at some point, and that I will publish, period. When it happens I don't know, but I do know it will happen. If my writing career takes off because of it, I'll surely start writing my sci-fi stuff for the public! But, not before I write the novel I've been working on since fifth grade.

10) What is your creative process? How do you get around to writing these stories?
As anticlimactic as it sounds, I daydream. I see the world around me, and place my world atop it. I think about what would be ten different kinds of cool, imagine it ten different ways, and then I draft the best amalgam of all the imaginings.
As to my ideas themselves, they come contextually, funnily enough. My Sci-Fi, for instance, came entirely from hearing an advertisement for some military movie. I heard them chanting their cadences in the boot-camp scene, and I got to thinking of soldiers. Then Supersoldiers entered my mind, and one thing led to another, and I was crafting the UNiverse.
You read that right, all of my imaginings for my OC Humans, stemmed from the cadence chantings from a trailer for a movie I've never actually given the second thought to look up. Rail Guns, Warp Drives, SIGMAs, they all came from that one Cadence Chant... Those five seconds spawned a universe.

Stories:

- - In Progress:

(Dates Subject To Change)

Mass Effect: The Hopeless War (Next Chapter: TBA)

Mass Effect: The Saltorian War (Next Chapter: 4-20-14)

- - Coming Soon:

Mass Effect: Insert/Break (Subject to Change)

- - Completed:

Mass Effect: The First War

Mass Effect: Hearing the Call

Updates:

4/15/14:

Blargh, allergies have been killing me, school's been fighting me, I've gotten next to no work done the last week. A lot of DeviantArt done, but no writing.

4/6/14:

Hey folks!

Firstly: Poll's still up, I'd appreciate votes, that way I know which of the two I/B drafts to focus on.

Secondly: I'm working hard on the next Hopeless War chapter, I hope to have it ready and published soon!

Thirdly: Holy FOLK folks!
I just put up my first WarVerse concept art on my DeviantArt! Say hello to the one, and *only, Christopher McGraw!
My next WarVerse Priority is putting up two Shepard Concepts, both in-armor and out.

That's all for now, folks!
'Till next time!

-PFB

4/3/14:

New Poll, folks!

For those of you that don't know, for the last few months I've been trying to tackle a new Project. I call it 'Insert/Break', essentially it's a Mass Effect Insert story. It's like a Self Insert, but at the very same time, it isn't.
In other words, I'm taking a Human, who doesn't belong in the ME Universe, and I'm tossing him there.
But, unlike Hearing the Call (and its sequel, Answering the Call, which I am actually working on.) this won't be a story that features a character going headfirst into the universe, with the intention of joining Shepard and her crew. Instead, it's going to have a completely original plot, that ties into one of the ME Universe's more important, but far less talked about, defining moments: Aria's Takeover. Not of Afterlife, but of Omega.
The Inserted Character is going to - willingly or unwillingly, and wittingly or unwittingly - become a key player in this event, while simultaneously going through his own character-defining plot.
In other words, it's a Break from the usual OC Insert plots... It's Insert/Break.

However!

I've got two working drafts for this story, both of which I'd back whole-heartedly, and both of which I can safely write to the best of my ability and feel proud doing so.
But I can't choose which one I want to go forward with.
Which brings me here! I'm coming to you folks, what story do you want to see?
If you'll go to the top of my Profile, you'll see a new poll, one option for each story.
And, to break from my usual pace, right below the Milestones section, you'll find a description for each story. These descriptions are temporary, meaning that they'll go down once the poll is finished, as they are there primarily so you can make an informed decision.

That's all she wrote, folks!

'Till Next Time!
-PFB