I speak 3 languages:
English,sarcasm & Sexual Innuendos
To ssucceed in life you Need
A Wish Bone
A Back Bone
A Funny Bone
to let you know how easy mistakes can happen here's an interesting example of how the human mind works...
"Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe."
20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity:
1: At lunch time, sit in your car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars; see if they slow down
2: Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice.
3: Every time some one asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
4: Put you garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
5: Put decaf in the coffee maker (home or work). When everyone gets over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
6: In your memo book, on all your checks, put "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS".
7: Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance To The Prophecy".
8: Dont use any punctuation
9: As often as possible, skip instead of walking.
10: Order diet water whenever you go out with a serious face.
11: Specify that your drive-thru order is "TO GO".
12: Sing along at the opera.
13: Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14: Put mosquito netting around your work area (or room) and play tropical sounds all day.
15: 5 days in advance, tell your friend that you can't go to their party cause you don't 'feel like it'.
16: Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom".
17: When the cash comes out of the ATM yell, "I WON, I WON".
18: When exiting the zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives they're loose!".
19: Tell your children (or younger siblings) that "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.".
20: And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity is... Copy this and put it on your profile!
16 THINGS I'M GOING TO DO AT WAL-MART found on secretstranger69 bio page
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things
What does a insomniac dyslexic atheist do? Stay up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
Don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.
A friend helps you up when you fall; a best friend continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"
One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes four to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me
Last night I was looking up at the stars, when suddenly I wondered..."Dude, where the heck's my ceiling?"
If at first you don’t succeed...Cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't!
There are also 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.
According to a study by the institute of incomplete information 9 out of every 10.
Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...
I told my psychologist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
If I ask you to have sex with me would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
When faced with two choices simply toss a coin. Not because it will choose for you but because for that brief moment when it is in the air, you suddenly know what you hope for.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda.
"The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf."
Education is important; school however, is another matter.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist.
Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
Sometimes, I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.
When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
When life hands you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people.
Two men walk into a bar, The third one ducks.
silence is golden duck tape is silver