Author has written 34 stories for Twilight, Danny Phantom, Victorious, Ben 10, Law and Order: SVU, and Vampire Diaries.
FOLLOW MY BLOG at thisiszahn.wordpress.com
Well thats all I guess...
(NO FLAMES PLEASE!! :D)
In Honor of Stupid People:
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART:
1. Get 24 boxes of headache medicine and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
15. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"
Re post this if you laughed...
ONE FOR THE GIRLS!!:
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
Man: Where have you been all my life?
A good girl is a bad girl who’s never gotten caught.
If you are a serial killer, GET THE HECK AWAY FROM ME. If you are a cereal killer, GET THE HECK AWAY FROM MY CHERRIOS.
"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? I just want to know who the heck is drinking my freaking soda"
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird.
When life give you lemons, shut up and eat your damn lemons
They say guns don't kill people. People kill people. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled, "BANG!" i don't think you'd kill many people
Heaven doesn't want me there and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems
I know KUNG-FU and 42 other dangerous words
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhh its a secret!
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable; like a coma?
I used to have super powers but my therapist took them away
There are very few problems that cannot be solved by large amounts of explosives
If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'?
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it
BOLD the ones that apply to you:
Your boy side
You love hoodies.
Your Girl Side
You wear lip gloss/stick.
You own a cell phone.
Total : 2
Black is one of your favorite colors.
You can skateboard.
You love the computer.
Total : 5
You cut yourself over depression (I refuse to answer that one)
Total : 7
You like rap.
Total : 2
You like loud music
You watch/watched the Superbowl.
Total : 2
X the ones that apply to you:
[x]There’s at least one person you hate.
1. YOUR REAL NAME: Zahn
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): Zahizzle
3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal): Black Wolf
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name): Deneal Blaiza
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name): Amszarls
6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Violet Mountain Dew
7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maidenname, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name): Aanaoze
8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name): Valerie
9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets): Black Viper
X the ones that apply to you:
Garage Band Junkie
Favorite Books: Harry Potter, The Fallen Series, The Chaos Walking Series, The Twilight Series, Shakespeare, The Declaration Series, Beautiful Creatures Series, The Hunger Games trilogy and ANY HORROR STORIES
Favorite Movies: Harry Potter, Twilight Series, Beautiful Creatures, The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, every horror I've ever watched
Favorite Shows: The Vampire Diaries, My Wife And Kids, The Wayans Bros., The Old Adventures Of New Christine, True Blood, Ben 10, Ben 10: AF/UA, Danny Phantom, The Amazing World of Gumball, Regular Show, Adventure Time
Favorite Actors: IDK
Favorite Actresses: IDK,
Favorite Music: Rock, Punk, Metal
Favorite Color: Black, Purple, Red
Favorite Food: Itailian
Favorite Sport: Skating
Favorite Place To Be: IDK
Favorite Restaurant: IDK
Favorite Dessert: RED VELVET CUPCAKES!!
Hobbies: Reading, Writing, Hanging With Friends, Skateboarding
1, What color is your toothbrush?
White and Purple
2, Name one person who made you smile today:
My best friend
3, What were you doing at 8 am this morning:
4, What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
5, What is your favorite candy bar?
6, Have you ever been to a strip club?
Nope, never will
7, What is the last thing you said aloud?
I don’t Care- directed at my sister
8, What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Bubblegum (yeah, i know its childish, but i cant help it!)
9, What was the last thing you had to drink?
10, Do you like your wallet?
11, What was the last thing you ate?
12, Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
13, The last sporting event you watched?
14, What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
Cheese and chives
15, Who is the last person you sent a text message too?
My best guy-friend
16, Ever go camping?
17, Do you take vitamins daily?
18, Do you go to church every Sunday?
19, Do you have a tan?
No, for some reason my skin does not want to tan…
20,Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?
21, Do you drink your soda with a straw?
22, What did your last text message say?
23, What are you doing tomorrow?
Absolutely 100% Nothing
25, Look to your left, what do you see?
A table. Oh so fascinating.
26, What color is your watch?
Black and gold
27, What do you think of when you hear Australia?
A Continent. What else?
28, What is your birthstone?
Rose Quartz!! Though it could be Sapphire... *shrugs*
29, Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
30, What is your favorite number?
18 and 9
31, Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
32, Any plans today?
33, How many states have you lived in?
34, Biggest annoyance right now?
35, Last song listened to?
Jumper- Third Eye Blind
36,Can you say the alphabet backwards?
No-I get to U and quit
37, Do you have a maid service clean your house?
Used to . . . not any more
38, Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
39, Are you jealous of anyone?
I don't think so...
40, Is anyone jealous of you?
Not that I know
41, Do you love anyone?
My family and friends duh!
42, Do any of your friends have children?
I hope not!
43, What do you usually do during the day?
Read, write or skate
44, Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
No, not really
45, Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
Uhh...Does 'Hi' or 'Hey' count?
46, What color is your car?
If I could drive it would be Black
47, Do you like cats?
48. Are you thinking about someone right now?
Not in particular...
49, Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Nope, Where's that?
50, How did you get your worst scar?
Stepped on a broken bottle at the park…
This or That:
Drink: Never again
Like thunderstorms: They Don't Bug Me
Play an instrument: Guitar
Get along with your parents: Not usually
Wish on stars: Not Very Often
Believe in love at first sight: yes
Cook: Certain Things
Speak another language: Not really
Touch your nose with your tongue: No
Have You Ever:
Been Drunk: Yes hated it
Eaten Sushi: Im a vegetarian
Made prank calls: Yes
Are you right or left handed?: Right handed
What is your bedtime?: During The Summer?
Name three things you can't live without: Food, Water, Air To Breathe
What is the color of your room?: I have brick wallpaper covered with posters on one wall, purple paint black curtains and a sliver chandellier( idk how to spell that) the theme is purple and black and red)
What is you middle name?: Like I Would Say
What are your thoughts on abortion? That’s pretty controversial…no comment
Do you have a crush on anyone?: Do They Have To Be A Real Person?
THINGS I HATE:
Making video captions
When people say "supposably" rather than "supposedly" and "fustrated" rather than "frustrated"
When dogs jump up on me and the owner says "Oh, it's OK! He's friendly!"
People who put ketchup on hot dogs
When the waiter at a restaurant brings dessert without first cleaning the dirty dinner dishes
When people complain about me chewing ice loudly (If that bothers you, then good!)
When people say "Have a nice day!"
What fish smells like on a hot summer day
When boys ask me "Can I kiss you?"
The word 'moist'
The word 'tissue'
When someone says "moist tissue" together
The number 7; I thinks it sounds whiny
The noise made when the tongue smacks the roof of the mouth
Movies where a group of kids work together to overcome evil and save the world
Bras that hook in the front
When I am at a restaurant and the shrimps have tails
Picking off shrimp tails
Video captions that ruin what the video is all about
Birthday parties or birthdays
That Santa won't go to a gym to lose weight
That I am mean to Santa Claus
People who blow their nose then look in the tissue
A random guy and his feelings
When I goes to a restaurant and order lobster and the server tries to get me to wear a bib
The Lobster Council
Twins (and people that copy other people)
Guys who bite their lower lip while they dance
Girls who have irritating laughs
When you fall off a ladder then land on a small dog, and the dog pukes on you
Lullabies (Why sing to a baby when they're trying to sleep?)
Pink (the color)
Stupid girls who go to the beach with tiny bikinis
When people stick the same knife they used for the jelly in the peanut butter jar.
People who dress their dogs in Halloween costumes
People who dress their dogs every day
People who sing Christmas carols before December
People who say "I'll pencil you in"
People who have more than two bumper stickers on their car
The word "ween"
The word "tween"
When kids go trick-or-treating and aren't even dressed in real costumes
My neighbor who hands out packets of floss instead of candy
Dunking for apples
When I orders miso soup, then the waiter asks if I wants soup with it.
The Black Friday, because it's just a holiday where everyone goes shopping
People who use the word “staycation"
Girls who talk in the bathroom
People who pronounce pecan as PEE CAN
Ricardo (a guy at my school)
Holidays that don't even get you a day off from school
When someone acknowledges Christmas before December
When moms dress up like their little girls, and little girls dress up like their dolls
The word "panties"
The color yellow
Obnoxious hair colors
Girls who wear jeans and skirts simultaneously
People who use the word "spooky"
When people automatically assume I love Halloween
When my friend baby-talks
When people talk into your ear and you can feel their warm breath.
Seeds (especially in watermelons)
Tweeting things I hate.
When I think of something that I hate but forget what it is when it's time to write it down.
Being soaking wet in my clothes
When people sit in my chair
Not being able to fit everything I hate into one status
Everyone who jumped on the vampire bandwagon four years ago
Everyone trying to get on my zombie bandwagon
That no one goes outside to see hailstorms like they do rainbows
People at the coffeeshop who hog the fixings bar
People at award shows who act all surprised when they win
Talking to a camera
When you go to a restaurant and what you're wearing matches the waitress' uniform
People who sit on the beach for hours to wait for the sunrise
Being stuck in Traffic
The Middle Ages
Berea West Middle School
When people say "everything happens for a reason".
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
.If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
.If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy ad paste this into your profile.
93 percent of teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.
.If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.
If several inanimate objects hate you, copy this into your profile
.((oo)) This is pig. Copy and paste pig onto your page so people can be jealous of your pig.
."I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone
I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...
Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was "Too small" and "Off it's orbit" for a couple scientists’ likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO! A/N: Pluto is the King. Long live the King! All hail King Pluto!
If you ever get a random urge to start screaming at the top of your lungs copy and paste this onto your profile
If you think 'morning people' should be driven off the face of the planet so they spread their 6-AM cheer to Martians, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you thought whoever invented music is completely AWESOME, copy and paste this into your profile. A/N: There are a lot of things in the world that I think about and go "Wow, whoever invented that is a GENIUS.
.If you've ever yelled at an inanimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile. A/N: Lots of times.
.If that inanimate object now hates you more because you yelled at it, copy and paste this into your profile. A/N: Yeah, well, I SAID I was sorry. Geez, do you even LISTEN when people are apologizing to you?
Copy the bunny to your presentation to help him achieve world domination, and come join the dark side. (We have cookies.)
19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.
.For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile.(BOLD the ones that apply to you)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
.I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk is good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!
!Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep had the same tune, and were all composed by Mozart.
If you hate racism, copy and paste this into your profile:
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (aka: drinking buddies) BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!
FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shit!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.
Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.
There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day.
What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy.
A friend helps you when you fall; a best friend says "Walk much, dumbass?"
A friend gives you their umbrella when it rains; a best friend takes your's and says "RUN, BEEP, RUN!"
A friend wipes your tears when you're rejected; a best friend walks up (me: in public) to him and says "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A friend will bail you out of jail; a best friend will be in the room next to you saying "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!
A good friend helps you when you fall. A best friend laughs and trips you again.
1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you.
We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, damn, I'm gonna miss your dumb ass
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good.
The Difference Between Love And Attraction:
One day, a guy was following a girl everywhere she goes. When the girl noticed, she faced the guy and said, "Why are you following me everywhere I go?"
The guy answered, "Because you are very pretty and I think I'm falling in love with you."
"Why don't you like my sister? She is much prettier than me. She is behind you right now."
The guy turned around only to see that there was nobody there. "Are you trying to kid me? There's nobody there!"
The girl looked smug as she said, "If you really love me, you shouldn't have looked back."
Copy And Paste This In Your Profile If You Agree.
Take Time To Read Each Sentence
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is retard cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now read the THIRD word of every line!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
You talk to yourself a lot. (Alot meaning all the time...)
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')
When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')
After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'
You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.
You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.
No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.
Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.
People think you have A.D.H.D.
You think it'd be cool to have A.D.H.D.
You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.
You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny when you laugh for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.
And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.
Good Friend vs. Real, True Friend
A good friend will comfort you if a guy breaks your heart. But a real, true friend, will go up to him and say "It's because your gay, isn't it?"
A good friend won't eat anything except what is offered to them at your house. But a real, true friend will add to the grocery list what they ate already.
A good friend is afraid to bring up politics with your parents for fear of offending them. But a real, true friend already knows all their good arguments.
A friend will bail you out of jail. But a real, true friend will be in your cell saying, "Damn, that was fun! Let's do it again!..."
A good friend will comfort you when he breaks up with you. But a real, true friend will call him, whispering "Seven days..."
A good friend helps you up when you fall. But a real, true continues walking while saying, "Walk much, dumbass?"
A good friend will let you tell them about your really bad day over the phone. But a real, true friend will be over in ten minutes with a chick flick and a gallon of ice cream.
A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. But a real, true friend takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry.
A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.
A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you whenyou aren't down anymore.
A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.
A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.
A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
SO YA'LL BETTA WATCHOUT
And this made me almost DIE from laughing:
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile...somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived Date: 16 May 2003 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Someone out there either has too much My Mother Taught Me...
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother ! taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me RITE OF PASSAGE.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and they'll be just like you!"
Girls Are Like Apples...
Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love
If math class is getting too boring and quiet, scream "THE VOICES IN MY HEAD WON'T SHUT UP!" (Trust me guys, this works! I did it and my math teacher flipped and everyone burst out laughing. I mostly screamed it because the kid behind me kept leaning forward and whispering 'pop goes the weasel' in my ear all period!)
On Rock, Paper, Scissors
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to "magically wrap around" Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody! A rock would tear that stuff up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh shoot, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!"
A Things that make a friend a BEST FRIEND.
A good friend makes you say "Excuse me" after you burp. A best friend will try to out-burp you.
A good friend laughs at all your jokes, even if they aren't funny. A best friend will just look at you like you're mental and say "Are you serious?"
A good friend bails you out of jail. A best friend is sitting there next to you saying "Man, that was fun!"
Good friends will keep all your secrets. Best friends will stand on the nearest lunchtable and shout it to the entire student body.
Good friends will share their umbrella. Best friends will take yours and say "RUN, BEEP, RUN"
Good friends will wipe your tears when you're rejected. Best friends will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
Good friends will help you up when you fall. Best friends will say, "Walk much, bitch?"
Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL,
Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART,
Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG,
Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY,
Calling me POOR won't make you RICH,
Calling me FAT won’t make you PERFECT,
So why bother?
You Say Pink
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