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Joined 01-01-13, id: 4453393, Profile Updated: 03-28-13
Author has written 13 stories for Suite Life series, Pokémon, Kane Chronicles, Fairy Tail, Naruto, and Victorious.

WARNING: FREAKING LONG PROFILE. PROBABLY MADE WHILE ON CRACK. If you don't wanna scroll endlessly, press that beautiful little "Hide bio" button up there, yeah?

UPDATE 3/28: Well hi there, all of the peepz who actually bother to check this place. LET ME HUG YOU. Anyway, the point of this message is: I'm going on a tiny hiatus. Homework, tests, and other shit have really taken their toll on me. I'll be off this site for maybe 2 weeks or so. DO NOT WORRY, I have NOT left. :3

Full (Real) Name: Maxine Isabelle "Max" Liang

Nicknames: Max, Ninja, Little Ninja, Mini Ninja, Little Girl, Little M, Slash, Shadow, Kurai, That Jerk, Huntress, Bella, and possibly more . .

And here’s just a handful of the various things I like: Percy Jackson, How to Train Your Dragon, Avatar: the Last Airbender, Maximum Ride, Artemis Fowl, 39 Clues, Alex Rider, Harry Potter, Pokémon, The Kane Chronicles. Not specifically in that order.

Hair Color: Think Sasuke Uchiha hair. JET-BLACK ALL THE WAY. Blue streak on the left, red on the right.
Long or Short: Long – lower back to waist-level.
Straight or Curly: Honestly, I have no clue. Sometimes it’s razor-straight, sometimes it’s a bit wavy, and once I woke up in the morning with freaking princess curls.
Eye Color: Brown. If you want to be generous, maybe honey or amber. I dunno, okay?
Big or Small: Uh, wut. Probably medium.
Tattoos: Newp.
Piercings: Earrings.
This or That
Fire or Ice:
Both kick ass.
Day or Night: Night.
Hot Chocolate or Coffee: I’m kind of eh with both.
Tea or Soda: All right, kill me for saying this. I HATE SODA. Seriously. I hate it. I’m okay with tea, so tea it is.
Juice or Water: Both are fine until I get sick of juice after a while, so water.
White Milk or Chocolate Milk: White milk :3
Italian or Chinese: BOTH ARE AWESOME.
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonalds.
Pizza Hut or Domino's: Pizza Hut.
Watermelon or Kiwi: I like both. Really.
Strawberry or Blueberry: See above.
Cherry or Banana: See above.
Summer or Winter: WINTER. TOTALLY WINTER. Simply put, I wear short sleeves in 40-degree weather and I hate anything over 75.
Spring or Fall: Hmmm. . . .both
Snowy or Rainy: I love both.
Love or Money: Money is the source of all evil . . . but boyfriends are overrated.
Mates or Dates: Mates. Dating and boyfriends are overrated.
Have You Ever . . . . ?
Smiled for no reason: Oh, totally.
Danced in the rain: . . . yus.
Sang out loud: Well, fuck yeah. I go to SCHOOL.
Kissed in the rain: Hell to the no.
Gotten in a bar fight: LMFAO, noo. I’m way too young to even drink.
Done drugs: Hell no.
Been drunk: What the . . . WHAT DID I JUST SAY ONE QUESTION AGO??
Been in love: Ahhhh. . .no.
Sat on a roof: Eh he he. . .*scratches head*. Yes.
Gotten thrown out of a store: So close . . . long story.
Cried over a guy (if yes, was he worth it?): Uh . . . I laughed so hard I almost cried. Does that count?
Played an instrument: Piano and I used to play violin.
Smoked a cigarette: NO.
Lied: . . . really? REALLY?!
Cheated: Surprisingly, no.
Stolen: I've nicked pockets and shit before, but I didn't keep them. They got their stuff back . . . without knowing it was gone in the first place.
Stayed up all night: Well, no duh.
Been arrested: NO. Not yet. . .

Movie: Really don’t know.
Music: See above.
Singer: See above AGAIN.
Rapper: . . .and again.
Band: See, the bad thing about knowing lots of music is, you can't choose just one.
Food: Anything considered junk food . . . to sum it up. (Probably. . .pasta, though.)
Drink: BLACK MILK PEARL TEA. It’s delishusss. Seriously.
Dessert: Ice cream, chocolate, and so much more.
Color: All of them. Every single color available.

Sometimes I think. . . I'm not of this world.
Sometimes I wonder. . . if I'm a part of a different world/dimension. . .
The best feeling in the world is. . . happiness, I guess. Or real pride.
The worst feeling in the world is. . .either when you're super guilty and your chest feels heavy, or when you're angry and the back of your throat feels really weird and you really wanna kick something but you CAN'T, or when you're so sad that you feel the same way as the anger thing and you just wanna DIE, or. . .

You own a cell phone.
You own something from Abercrombie.
You own something from Pacsun. (Huh? What's that)
You own something from Hollister.
You own something from American Eagle
You love/like going to the mall. (Mm. . .yeah. Video games, peepz. VIDEO GAMEZ)
You own an iPod/MP3 player.
You love Starbucks.
You have been called a brat.
You hate buying things that are on sale. (Wut.)
You have more than one house.
Total : 7
Black is one of your favorite colors .
You have thought about death. (Doesn’t everyone? I mean, once in a while.)
You wear chains. (. . .what the flying fuck.)
You like heavy metal.
You've shopped at Hot Topic. (My mom seriously needs to let me to go more.)
You have worn black lipstick.
Your hair was/is dark (. . .I’m Asian)
You dislike preps
You're an athiest/ satanist/agnostic.
Total : 6
You can skateboard
You've worn plaid.
You like Converse
You hate MTV
You have/had blue, pink, red, purple, or green hair.
You dislike pink.
You hate/dislike preps.
You wear/wore skateboarding shoes.
Total : 4
You love the computer.
You like Harry Potter
You are supposed to wear glasses/contacts
You get straight A's.
You love/like reading.
You were/are in band
You don't care what you look like. (Usually)
You have a curfew.
You always do your homework. (Against my will.)
You never miss school unless you're sick. (AGAINST. MY. WILL.)
Total : 7
You cut yourself over depression
You have been depressed.
You have black rimmed glasses.
You like the band Evanescence (I’m fine with it.)
You cry easily. (Like, never. EVER.)
You like emo music. (Ah. . .)
You hate being called emo.
You keep/have kept a journal/diary.
You have written a sad poem (Fanfic! In da future. . .when I'm in a sad mood. :P)
You think emo chicks/dudes are hot
Total : 4
You like rap.
You are/was in a gang.
You wear/wore rubber bands in your pants.
You swear once in a while or a lot (Eh he he. . .*scratches nervously*. Fuck?)
You have free-styled.
You have worn high tops with the tongue flipped out.
You can break dance
Total : 3
You like loud music
You love/loved the Ninja Turtles
You never walk anywhere. (Wut.)
You wear slip-on shoes. (They're easier to take off for taekwondo.)
You wear/wore Vans.
You like the band Panic! at the disco
You wear band t-shirts.
People have called you a freak and meant it.
You love to "hardcore" dance
Your hair has been dyed more than 1 color
Total: 5
You watch/watched the Superbowl. (Prefer the World Cup.)
You own track shoes or other sports related shoes.
You collect your jerseys.
You have a wall or shelf dedicated to your trophies / awards
You have posters or plaques of famous athletes.
Your garage consists of sports equipment (Yup.)
You belong/belonged to a school team.
You are going/did go to a sports summer camp
You have a specific number (Either 7 or 13)
Total : 7

Guy side:
You love hoodies
You love jeans
Dogs are better than cats
It's hilarious when people get hurt
You've played with / against boys on a team
Shopping is torture
Sad movies suck
You own (ed) an X-Box
Played with Hotwheels cars as a kid
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter
You own (ed) a DS, PS2 or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers
You watch sports on TV
Gory movies are cool
You go to your dad for advice (Fuck advice.)
You own like a trillion baseball caps
You like going to high school football games
You used to / do collect football / baseball cards
Baggy pants are cool to wear
It's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people
Green, black, red, blue or silver are one of your favorite colors
You love to go crazy and not care what people think
Sports are fun
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks at night
Total: 19
Girl side:
You wear lip gloss / stick
You love wearing skirts
Cats are better than dogs
You love to shop
You wear eyeliner
You wear the color pink (I don’t really care)
Go to your mom for advice
Pink, yellow, orange, purple or gold is one of your favorite colors
You hate wearing the color black
You like hanging out at the shopping center
You like getting manicures and / or pedicures
You like Swains jewelry (uh. . .wut.)
Shopping is one of your favourite hobbies
You don't like the movie Star Wars
You were in gymnastics / dance
It takes you around / more one hour to shower, get dressed and make-up
You smile a lot more than you should
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes (WTF? I only have, like, three ...)
You care about what you look like
You like wearing dresses when you can
You like wearing body perfume.
You love the movies.
Used to play with dolls as a little kid. (Does it count when I rip off their heads? You know, when you rip them off, pour baking powder/soda in it, and throw it into the swimming pool? . . .no? Just me? Okay.)
Like being the star of everything.
Total: 3

I pledge myself to the goddess Artemis.
I turn my back on the company of men,
accept eternal maidenhood,
and join the Hunt.

I promise to remember Percy
whenever I'm at sea
I promise to remember Annabeth
whenever a spider comes at me
I promise to protect nature
for Grover's sake of course
I promise to remember Luke
when my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Chiron
whenever I see a sign that says "free pony ride"
I promise to remember Tyson
whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side
I promise to remember Thalia
whenever a friend is scared of heights
I promise to remember Clarisse
whenever I see someone that gives me a fright
I promise to remember Bianca
whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother
I promise to remember Nico
whenever I see someone who doesn't get along with others
I promise to remember Zoe
whenever I watch the stars
I promise to remember Rachel
whenever a limo passes my car.
Yes, I promise to remember PJO
wherever I may go
So all may see my obsession
because I know what the Olympians know!
Now swear it on the River Styx!

Facts of life:
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy. It is a Percabethtatorship.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just the power of Percabeth.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Percabeth moment is worth 1 billion words.
When taking the SAT, write "Percabeth" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not a Percabeth shipper.
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Percabeth never dies.
To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Percabeth.
All roads lead to Percabeth. And by the transitive property, total awesomeness.
President Roosevelt said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And pairings that go against Percabeth."
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Percabeth.
There's an order to the universe:. Space, time, Percabeth ... just kidding. Percabeth is first.
There are two types of people in the world ... people that suck, and Percabeth shippers.
Only Percabeth can prevent forest fires.
The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by a Percabeth shipper.
Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "... a Percabeth shipper."
He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Percabeth ... dies.
People have often asked the United States, "What is your secret weapon against terrorists?" We simply reply ... Percabeth.
The active ingredient in Red Bull is Percabeth juice.
Some people say that Percabeth is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead.

20 Q's (Paste this into your profile if you are an PJatO Fan)
Q1: If you could hang out anywhere in Camp Half-Blood, where would it be?
A: Psh, anywhere. Sword-fighting arena, rock-climbing wall (with lava), the pegasi stables. . .anywhere.

Q2: Which PJatO character would you date?
A: Uhh. . .well, I'm not really interested in a guy right now -.- If it was life or death that I would choose one. . . .I dunno. They’re all a bit old for my taste, but. . .FANART, MAN. FRIGGIN' FANART.. Nico, maybe?

Q3: Which PJatO character is your best friend?
A:. ... Everyone. Except for, you know, a few titans, monsters. . .possibly gods. Possibly.

Q4: Which PJatO Character Do You Hate?
A: See above.

Q5: Your Favorite PJatO Character?

Q6: Your Favorite PJatO book?
A: Uh, really? No. I don’t know. They’re all pretty awesome.

Q7: Favorite god or goddess?
A: Ah. . .dunno. Probably Artemis/Athena, and one of the Big Three. Although I love Apollo too, and Ares can kick some pretty fierce ass. . .Hephaestus is cool, too. . .AGH, I TOLD YOU!

Q8: Percy walks up to you, what do you do?
MA: Well, probably act like I normally do, since strangely enough, I don’t really act flustered and shit around people. Then, follow him to Camp. Obviously.

Q9: You just got 2 tickets to go see a concert, who do you take with you?
A: Since I can’t fucking decide. . .the first one to ask’ll be the first one to go.

Q10: You accidentally got stranded on a deserted island. . .who got stranded with you?
A: That depends on how I got stranded. What kind of a question is this. . .?!

Q11: Hermes asked you to help him repopulate Olympus ... what is your answer to this disturbing question?
A: . . .I'm a freaking kid, you perverted pedophile. Even though you are awesome in some respects. . .no. Just no.

Q12: Favorite PJatO Pairing?
A: Percabeth.

Q13: You and the Big Three are on Olympus. . .?
A: I'd act like I normally would. If I annoyed them eventually, then the mortal world can say bye-bye.

Q14: If you could spend your Friday nights doing something with the characters, what would it be?
A: Anything, with any of the characters.

Q15: Favorite PJatO Quote?
MA: Just go to QUOTABLE QUOTES on my profile, and check some out. I probably have way too much for my own good.

Q16: Favorite Percy moment?
A: So many options ... I'd say either when he became "supreme lord of the bathroom" or when he had a "dam problem”. But I love them all.

Q17: Favorite Nico moment?
MA: Either when he was bombarding Percy with the questions in “The Titan’s Curse” or "With great power. . .comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later." LMFAO.

Q18: Favorite god or goddess moment?
MA: When Poseidon made Zeus say out loud that "without Poseidon it would have been impossible to defeat Typhon" really loudly. Hehe. Loved that.

Q19: Favorite Grover moment?
MA. That's a hard one. . .I HAVE to say when he was Polyphemous's "bride-to-be". Or when he didn't have any pants on. LAWLZ.

Q20: Favorite Random moment?

Percy Jackson and the Olympians:
P erseus
Jackson. Savior of Olympus. Main character.
E lectricity.
That's what will shock you if you mess with Thalia Grace. Or Zeus. Or Jason.
R iptide.
Percy's lethal ballpoint pen.
C larisse.
That's who will go after you if you beat her in a battle / irritate her. (And you don't want an angry Clarisse. It's bad enough when she's not angry.)
Y ellow
duffel bags. Helped Percy, Tyson, and Annabeth, and were given to them by Hermes.

J ason Grace. Thalia's "lost" "little" brother (he's technically older than her. . .maybe).
A nnabeth
Chase. One of Percy's best friends (and now also his girlfriend [PERCABETH!!]), and the official architect of Olympus.
C hiron.
The trainer of heroes.
K aleidoscope.
What Piper's eyes look like to Jason.
on of Neptune. The book that protests that Percy is a son of POSEIDON not NEPTUNE)
O lympus.
Home of the gods, saved by the demigods.
N emesis.
Ethan's mother. Don't worry, she's getting her revenge on his death.

A tlas. Zoë's father.
N ever back down.
The phrase that reminds me of TLO, Percy, Annabeth, Silena, Beckendorf. . .
D ionysus.
The god of wine. (More like the god of Diet Coke)

T halia Grace. Hunter and Lieutenant of Artemis and daughter of Zeus.
H ephaestus.
The father of our favorite fire boy (for those of you who don't know, it's Leo).
E mpathy
link. What Grover and Percy have. Saved Grover's life a couple of times (and helped Percy out too. . .kinda).

O fficers. The immortal skeletons dressed up as officers (Nico should give 'em a new uniform).
upa. The she-wolf we all want to know about.
orpheus. The gods of dreams. Put NYC asleep during The Last Olympian.
P ersephone.
The kidnapped wife of Hades. Believes every hero is brave and wants to give them a chance.
I apetus.
Percy's Titan friend who is called Bob! (Yay!)
A rtemis.
Goddess of the Hunt. Has hunters, including Thalia. One of the most kickass/boss goddesses ever.
N othing
lasts forever. Even the gods.
S witched.
Percy and Jason are switched. Jason at Camp Half-Blood and Percy at Camp Jupiter/Legion Camp

List twelve of your favorite characters from your fandom, in no particular order.
1. Percy
2. Annabeth
3. Zeus
4. Reyna
5. Leo
6. Hades
7. Jason
8. Thalia
9. Silena
10. Artemis
11. Hazel
12. Frank

Q1: Have you ever read a Six / Eleven fic Do you want to?
A: Hades/Hazel. WUT. WUT DA FUQ. NO. BUT, I’m pretty sure there is a crack pairing of that somewhere out there. *shudder*

Q2: Do you think Four is hot How hot?
A: Reyna? Uh, no. If I was a guy, maybe. She’s pretty, I’ll give her that.

Q3: What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
A: Frank got Thalia pregnant? WTF? I would be like, “Uh, did you guys ever MEET?” At least it’s a STRAIGHT pairing. But still. . .

Q4: Can you recall any fics about Nine?
A: Silena? Of course.

Q5: Would Two and Six make a good couple?
A: Annabeth and Hades? Hell to the no.

Q6: Five / Nine or Five / Ten Why?
A: Zeus/Reyna or Zeus/Nico? WAT? Well, both suck, but I guess Zeus/Reyna, since it’s not uncle/nephewcest.

Q7: What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve making out?
A: Let’s see here. . .Jason walked in on Annabeth and Frank making out. O.O. Uh, no. Just no. I mean, it’s POSSIBLE, but. . .wow.

Q8: Make up a summary for a Three / Ten fic.

Q9: Is there any such thing as One / Eight fluff?
A: Percy/Thalia? Yeah, of course.

Q10: Suggest a title for a Seven / Twelve hurt / comfort

Q11: Does anyone on your friends list read Three / Eight?
A: Zeus/Thalia? Eww. Incest. But I have seen fics of that pairing before. But my friends (probably) don’t read that. Again. Eww.

Q12: Does anyone on your friends list, write or draw Eleven?
A: Hazel? Yeah, for both. (coughMEcough)

Q13: Would anyone on your friends list write Two / Four / Five?
A: Annabeth/Reyna/Leo? Seriously? Uh, I guess I can tolerate Annabeth/Leo, but with Reyna added, I’m just like. . .no. No offense to Reyna, though – she’s a total BAMF.

Q14: If you wrote a Song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?
A: Thalia? Er. . .ah, Fighter One Girl Revolution. I dunno.

Q15: If you wrote a One / Six / Twelve fic, what would the warning be?
A: Percy/Hades/Frank. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS. Uh, here goes nothing. Warning: DON’T READ THIS MISERABLE EXCUSE FOR A FIC.

Q16: When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
A: Leo? Like, two hours ago, lol.

Q17: "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (7) (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with ( 6), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (12).
A: Here we go. Percy and Jason are in a happy relationship until Silena runs off with Jason. Percy, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with Hazel and a brief, unhappy affair with Hades, then follows the wise advice of Leo and finds true love with Frank.
WTF, man. Are you fucking high? What shit have you been smoking?

Q18: What title would you give this fic?
A: I don't know, I'd NEVER write that fic.

Q19: How would you feel if Seven / Eight were in a heated argument?
A: Jason and Thalia. Well, completely normal, considering they’re siblings. What would they be arguing about?

Q20: What would you think if you found (5) was a really good friend of a sibling or relative of yours?
A: Leo? My brother? That’d be awesome, except he’s Mexican and I’m Asian, which makes it kinda weird. . .but if he was a really great friend. . .YUS.

Q21: How would you react if you saw (8) and (11) in a closet together with a rubber ducky?
A: Hazel and Thalia?". . . have you two ever even met? What's with the duck? Who the - how the - why . . . ?"

Q22: How would you feel if (2) dissed you in the worst possible way ever?
A: Awesome or not, I'd kick Annabeth's ass to Olympus and back.

Q23: If you saw (9) and (3) in bed together, what would you do?
A: Silena and Zeus? . . . " What the hell is this? What the fuck has gotten into you? Zeus? What the fuck? Silena? How are you alive? How come no one told me about this, what the hell, holy - " Then probably faint.

Q24: You just came home from school and all of your friends hate you, your teacher just gave you an F on the most important project of the year (just imagine it happened for the smart alecks out there), and your parents have grounded you as your teacher had already called and told them of your grade. You open the door to your bedroom and you find (10) rummaging through your stuff. What do you do?
A: Artemis? Ahem – I mean, Lady Artemis? Why are you in my room? Why are you rummaging through my stuff? What. . .please take me with you.

Q25: What would you think if (1) was emo and had tried to slit his/her wrists? If (1) is already emo/slit his/her wrists already, what would you think if (1) became the most optimistic person in the world?
A: Percy turned emo? . . . WOW . . .

Q26: What would you feel this second if (4) gave you a daisy right now?
A: Reyna? Reyna gave me a daisy? . . . "Uh . . . thanks, I guess."

Q27: (6) has just stolen your hairbrush. What is the first thing you would say?
A: . . . Hades stole my hairbrush? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay, I would laugh my ass of, and then be like, “Lord Hades, I mean no disrespect, but why the fuck would you want my hairbrush? Is it some kind of god thing, or. . .?"

Q28: (7), (9), and (4) have banded together at 3 in the morning and starts to sing the most annoying song you know as loud as they can, waking you up. What is the first thing you think?
A: Jason, Silena, and Reyna are in my room at 3 am singing the Elmo theme song, and you really want to know what my first thought is.

Q29: (2) and (11) are your teachers. What would you do?
A: . . . Annabeth and Hazel . . . "Take me to camp. Both of you. Both camps. Please."

And just because I'm a die-hard fan of a crapton of other shit. . .Imma do some more of these (They're fun. :P).

List twelve of your favorite characters from your fandom, in no particular order.
1. Sasuke
2. Ino
3. Naruto
4. Itachi
5. Sandaime Hokage
6. Jiraiya
7. Sakura
8. Kakashi
9. Shikamaru
10. Temari
11. Neji
12. Hinata

Q1: Have you ever read a Six / Eleven fic Do you want to?
A: Jiraya/Neji. WHAAAT. THE MENTAL IMAGE. NOOOOOOO! IT BURNS! ITBURNSITBURNSITBURNS! . . .Actually, ANY pairing with Jiraya in it is just. . .WRONG.

Q2: Do you think Four is hot How hot?
A: Itachi? Psh, fuck yeah, Itachi is hot. REALLY hot. Even in canon. (Yes, I'm 12 years old, sue me DX TWEENAGE HORMONES, MAN).

Q3: What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
A: Hinata. . .got. . .Kakashi. . .pregnant. Well, not IMPOSSIBLE, I suppose. But. . .why?!?!?

Q4: Can you recall any fics about Nine?
A: Shikamaru? Yeah, totally.

Q5: Would Two and Six make a good couple?

Q6: Five / Nine or Five / Ten? Why?
A: Sandaime Hokage/Shikamaru or Sandaime Hokage/Temari? . . .you know, I honestly have NO FUCKING CLUE WHY the hell I put the Sandaime Hokage in there at ALL. But Shika belongs with Temari. . .I guess the Hokage and Temari. . .EWWW, PEDOPHILIA.

Q7: What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve making out?
A: Sakura walked in on Ino and Hinata making out? That's sick, but I've seen SO many Fanfictions about that. I'm a lot less shocked than I should be o.o

Q8: Make up a summary for a Three / Ten fic.
A: Naruto/Temari? Um, "Shikamaru finds another true love who is just as boring as he is. Temari is heartbroken and goes to Naruto to find comfort." I dunno.

Q9: Is there any such thing as One / Eight fluff?
A: Sasuke?Kakashi? Yep, of course. Strangely, it's actually okay. I've seen a lot of KakaSasu fics.

Q10: Suggest a title for a Seven / Twelve hurt / comfort
A: Sakura/Hinata? Um. . .why? "Lesbian Tragedy". I DON'T EVEN -

Q11: Does anyone on your friends list read Three / Eight?
A: Naruto/Kakashi? My friends DO read that - not Romance (I think), but like, Humor and stuff.

Q12: Does anyone on your friends list, write or draw Eleven?
A: Neji? Yeah, for both. (coughMEcough)

Q13: Would anyone on your friends list write Two / Four / Five?
A: Ino/Itachi/Sandaime Hokage? EWWWW MY MIND!!! NO!

Q14: If you wrote a Song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?
A: Kakashi? "Bringing Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake. LMFAO!

Q15: If you wrote a One / Six / Twelve fic, what would the warning be?
A: Sasuke/Jiraiya/Hinata. WHYY? Warning: May scar your mind, permanently.

Q16: When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
A: The Sandaime Hokage? Um. . .three minutes ago.

Q17: "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (7) (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (6), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (12).
A: *deep breath* Ino and Sakura are in a happy relationship until Shikamaru runs off with Sakura. Ino, brokenharted, has a hot one-night stand with Neji and a brief, unhappy affair with Jiraiya, then follows the wise advice of Sandaime Hokage and finds true love with Hinata.
. . .You know, the whole thing actually (kinda-sorta-maybe-no) made sense until Jiraiya came in. o.o After that, the whole thing just went downhill.

Q18: What title would you give this fic?
A: I have a feeling I'm going to be repeating this a lot. I'd NEVER write that fic.

Q19: How would you feel if Seven / Eight were in a heated argument?
A: Sakura and Kakashi? I think that happened already. Probably over Sasuke. . .I mean, about bringing him back from Orochimaru and shit. NOT ARGUING OVER HIM ROMANTICALLY.

Q20: What would you think if you found (5) was a really good friend of a sibling or relative of yours?
A: . . .The Sandaime Hokage is my brother.
My relative? . . .that's weird.
My friend? Eh, why not. Plus, a 68-year-old guy that can breathe fire and shit. Sure!

Q21: How would you react if you saw (8) and (11) in a closet together with a rubber ducky?
A: Kakashi and Neji? "Neji? You're awesome, but. . .aren't you dead? And. . .Kakashi? What the - I don't even - rubber duck - "

Q22: How would you feel if (2) dissed you in the worst possible way ever?
A: Psh, Ino disses EVERYBODY XD

Q23: If you saw (9) and (3) in bed together, what would you do?
A: Shikamaru and Naruto? "Ah. . .what. . .the. . .actual. . .fuck." Yup, that's my reaction.

Q24: You just came home from school and all of your friends hate you, your teacher just gave you an F on the most important project of the year (just imagine it happened for the smart alecks out there), and your parents have grounded you as your teacher had already called and told them of your grade. You open the door to your bedroom and you find (10) rummaging through your stuff. What do you do?
A: Temari? Rummaging through my stuff? I love Temari! Plus, I have nothing useful in my bedroom, except. . ."Temari, why do you want my beanbags? And. . .take me with you."

Q25: What would you think if (1) was emo and had tried to slit his/her wrists? If (1) is already emo/slit his/her wrists already, what would you think if (1) became the most optimistic person in the world?
A: LOL! Sasuke's already emo. If Sasuke became the most optimistic person in the world? . . .Oh my gods. I NEED to write a fanfiction about that.

Q26: What would you feel this second if (4) gave you a daisy right now?
A: Itachi gave me a daisy? I would probably lose all control of my brain and kiss him for half an hour, then join the Akatsuki. Whether he liked it or not.

Q27: (6) has just stolen your hairbrush. What is the first thing you would say?
A: Jiraiya stole my hairbrush? I'd stare at him in sudden shock, then smile because an actual NINJA was in my house, then scream "FUCKING PERVERT!!! YOU FUCKING PERVERT! . . .take me with you."

Q28: (7), (9), and (4) have banded together at 3 in the morning and starts to sing the most annoying song you know as loud as they can, waking you up. What is the first thing you think?
A: Sakura, Shikamaru, ad Itachi? Shikamaru is singing? ITACHI IS SINGING?!?!

Q29: (2) and (11) are your teachers. What would you do?
A: Ino and Neji are my teachers. I'd kiss up to them like HELL, then say "Take me to be a ninja. NOW."

List twelve of your favorite characters from your fandom, in no particular order.
1. Gray
2. Jellal
3. Natsu
4. Erza
5. Lucy
6. Alzack
7. Happy
8. Freed
9. Bisca
10. Wendy
11. Charle
12. Makarov

Q1: Have you ever read a Six / Eleven fic Do you want to?
A: Alzack/Charle. NOOOO!!! MY MIND!!! NO!

Q2: Do you think Four is hot How hot?
A: Erza? I'm completely straight, but she is gorgeous. Erza is seriously pretty.

Q3: What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
A: Makarov. Got. Freed. Pregnant. PLEASE POUR BLEACH IN MY BRAIN!

Q4: Can you recall any fics about Nine?
A: Bisca? Not really, actually.

Q5: Would Two and Six make a good couple?
A: Jellal. . .and. . .Alzack. NONONONONOONONO -

Q6: Five / Nine or Five / Ten? Why?
A: Lucy/Bisca or Lucy/Wendy? Um, Lucy/Bisca is weird. . .I've seen so many Lucy/Wendy. . .I'd go with the latter, but still, EW.

Q7: What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve making out?
A: Happy walked in on Jellal and Makarov making out? EWWWW. Doesn't Happy fly, though?

Q8: Make up a summary for a Three / Ten fic.
A: Natsu/Wendy? "Wendy is unsure about being a new member in Fairy Tail. Natsu gives her confidence." Yeah, I know, detailed.

Q9: Is there any such thing as One / Eight fluff?

Q10: Suggest a title for a Seven / Twelve hurt / comfort
A: Happy/Makarov. . .NO.

Q11: Does anyone on your friends list read Three / Eight?
A: Natsu and Freed. . .HOLY SHIT NO.

Q12: Does anyone on your friends list, write or draw Eleven?
A: Charle? Yeah, for both. (coughMEcough)

Q13: Would anyone on your friends list write Two / Four / Five?
A: Jellal/Erza/Lucy? Of course. . .but minus Lucy. LUCY IS A WEAK BITCH. Erza and Jellal are 1) KICKASS 2) so romantic!

Q14: If you wrote a Song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?
A: Freed. . .I really don't know.

Q15: If you wrote a One / Six / Twelve fic, what would the warning be?
A: Gray/Alzack/Makarov. Warning: If you wish to preserve what is left of your innocence, FRY YOUR BRAIN/JUMP OFF A CLIFF. NOW.

Q16: When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
A: Lucy? Just now, LMFAO.

Q17: "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (7) (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (6), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (12).
A: Here we go. Gray and Happy are in a happy (LOL) relationship until Bisca runs off with Happy. Gray, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with Charle and a brief unhappy affair with Alzack, then follows the wise advice ofLucy and finds true love with Makarov.
. . .that has got to be the worst one YET.

Q18: What title would you give this fic?
A: I have a feeling I'm going to be repeating this a lot. I'd NEVER write that fic.

Q19: How would you feel if Seven / Eight were in a heated argument?
A: Happy and Freed? I'd think it was pretty cute.

Q20: What would you think if you found (5) was a really good friend of a sibling or relative of yours?
A: Lucy Heartfilia? My sister? Sure, why not? I mean, she's super weak and can be annoying, but her Celestial Spirit Virgo could do EVERYTHING FOR ME! Take my tests, do my homework. . .*dreamy face*

Q21: How would you react if you saw (8) and (11) in a closet together with a rubber ducky?
A: Freed and Charle? Something along the lines of "WHAT THE *#@($)* FUCK?!?!?!?"

Q22: How would you feel if (2) dissed you in the worst possible way ever?
A: If Jellal dissed me, I wouldn't care. I'd still love him.

Q23: If you saw (9) and (3) in bed together, what would you do?
A: Bisca and Natsu? Probably hit them both, and then holler "BISCA'S CHEATING ON ALZAAAACK!!!"

Q24: You just came home from school and all of your friends hate you, your teacher just gave you an F on the most important project of the year (just imagine it happened for the smart alecks out there), and your parents have grounded you as your teacher had already called and told them of your grade. You open the door to your bedroom and you find (10) rummaging through your stuff. What do you do?
A: Wendy can take my stuff, I don't care. I'd tell her to bring me to Fairy Tail and insert an Elemental Dragon Slayer Lacrima into me.

Q25: What would you think if (1) was emo and had tried to slit his/her wrists? If (1) is already emo/slit his/her wrists already, what would you think if (1) became the most optimistic person in the world?
A: Gray turned emo. . .wow. Gray being optimistic. . .wow.

Q26: What would you feel this second if (4) gave you a daisy right now?
A: Erza gave me a daisy? I would hug her so hard, for so long, then get on my knees and grovel for her to take me to Fairy Tail.

Q27: (6) has just stolen your hairbrush. What is the first thing you would say?
A: Alzack took my hairbrush? "Eh, keep it. But why do you need it, anyway?"

Q28: (7), (9), and (4) have banded together at 3 in the morning and starts to sing the most annoying song you know as loud as they can, waking you up. What is the first thing you think?
A: Happy, Bisca, and Erza? Erza must be a great singer. But why would they sing the ELMO theme song? Why do they KNOW Elmo?

Q29: (2) and (11) are your teachers. What would you do?
A: Gray and Charle. . .I'd beg them to take me with them, but I'd wait until Gray taught me Ice-Make first XD

List twelve of your favorite characters from your fandom, in no particular order.
1. Kagome
2. Inuyasha
3. Miroku
4. Sesshomaru
5. Sango
6. Shippo
7. Yura
8. Rin
9. Kagura
10. Naraku
11. Jaken
12. Kikyo

Q1: Have you ever read a Six / Eleven fic Do you want to?
A: Shippo/Jaken? Eww. . .

Q2: Do you think Four is hot How hot?
A: Sesshomaru. . .yeah, kinda :P

Q3: What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?

Q4: Can you recall any fics about Nine?
A: Rin. . .mmhmm.

Q5: Would Two and Six make a good couple?
A: Inuyasha and Shippo? THEY'RE PRACTICALLY BROTHERS! INUYASHA IS (Technically about 200) YEARS OLDER EW EW EW!

Q6: Five / Nine or Five / Ten? Why?
A: Sango/Kagura or Sango/Naraku? Both are weird. . .but Sango/Naraku could make for a nice betrayal fic. Then again, Sango/Kagura. . .

Q7: What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve making out?
A: Yura walked in on Inuyasha and Kikyo making out? That's like, NORMAL. TOTALLY likely.

Q8: Make up a summary for a Three / Ten fic.
A: Miroku/Naraku. . .ah. . ."Naraku wants the Wind Tunnel/Kazaana, so. . .yeah"

Q9: Is there any such thing as One / Eight fluff?
A: Kagome/Rin. I think there IS such a thing, but. . .

Q10: Suggest a title for a Seven / Twelve hurt / comfort
A: Yura/Kikyo. . .It's more likely than the others. . .I still have no idea.

Q11: Does anyone on your friends list read Three / Eight?
A: Natsu and Freed. . .HOLY SHIT NO.

Q12: Does anyone on your friends list, write or draw Eleven?
A: Jaken? Newp. That's kind of weird. . .

Q13: Would anyone on your friends list write Two / Four / Five?
A: Inuyasha/Sesshomaru/Sango. . .again, there's probably a fanfiction like that out SOMEWHERE, and it's not as disgusting as it COULD be, but I'd REALLY rather not know.

Q14: If you wrote a Song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?
A: Rin. . .hmm. . .Innocent by Stereophonics.

Q15: If you wrote a One / Six / Twelve fic, what would the warning be?
A: Kagome/Shippo/Kikyo. As long as it isn't ROMANCE, I MIGHT be okay.

Q16: When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
A: Sango? Just now.

Q17: "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (7) (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (6), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (12).
A: Oh boy. . .Kagome and Yura are in a happy relationship until Kagura runs off with Yura. Kagome, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with Jaken and a brief unhappy affair with Shippo, then follows the wise of advice of Sango and finds true love with Kikyo.
. . .but in the end, she gets with Kikyo. . .why am I not surprised? They're basically the same person, anyways. . .

Q18: What title would you give this fic?
A: I have a feeling I'm going to be repeating this a lot. I'd NEVER write that fic.

Q19: How would you feel if Seven / Eight were in a heated argument?
A: Yura and Rin. . .Um. . .they've never met. . .*sweatdrop*

Q20: What would you think if you found (5) was a really good friend of a sibling or relative of yours?
A: Sango was my sister?! MY DREAMS HAVE COME ALIIIIVE. YES!!! A friend? ALMOST JUST AS GOOD!

Q21: How would you react if you saw (8) and (11) in a closet together with a rubber ducky?
A: Rin and Jaken. . .well, since they've been traveling together, I'd just be like. . ."Oooookaaaay. . ."?

Q22: How would you feel if (2) dissed you in the worst possible way ever?
A: If Inuyasha dissed me, I don't care about his goddamn Wind Scar, I'd still kick his ass.

Q23: If you saw (9) and (3) in bed together, what would you do?
A: Kagura and Miroku. . .It's not IMPOSSIBLE. . .I'd probably be like. . ."What. . .the. . .I'll just be leaving now".

Q24: You just came home from school and all of your friends hate you, your teacher just gave you an F on the most important project of the year (just imagine it happened for the smart alecks out there), and your parents have grounded you as your teacher had already called and told them of your grade. You open the door to your bedroom and you find (10) rummaging through your stuff. What do you do?
A: Lol, Naraku wants a beanbag. I don't care how powerful or bloodthirsty he is, I'd still laugh my ass off.

Q25: What would you think if (1) was emo and had tried to slit his/her wrists? If (1) is already emo/slit his/her wrists already, what would you think if (1) became the most optimistic person in the world?
A: Kagome? Slitting her wrists? Good riddance.

Q26: What would you feel this second if (4) gave you a daisy right now?
A: Sesshomaru gave me a daisy? I'd do the same thing that I said with Itachi, but a bit less extreme.

Q27: (6) has just stolen your hairbrush. What is the first thing you would say?
A: Shippo stole my hairbrush? "Awwwww, you can keep it, you adorable little kitsune!" Then I'd force him to take me to Inuyasha.

Q28: (7), (9), and (4) have banded together at 3 in the morning and starts to sing the most annoying song you know as loud as they can, waking you up. What is the first thing you think?
A: Yura, Kagura, and Sesshomaru. Oh my gods, Sesshomaru is SINGING. I'd whip out a video recorder and first put it on Youtube, then give it to Inuyasha and see both their reactions XD

Q29: (2) and (11) are your teachers. What would you do?
A: Inuyasha is too impatient to teach. I'd probably be able to beat up Jaken. But I'd tell them to take me with them. Then I'd steal the Tetsusaiga, and then touch Inuyasha's ears :3

List twelve of your favorite characters from your fandom, in no particular order.
1. Ash
2. Iris
3. Brock
4. Volkner
5. Cynthia
6. Candice
7. Skyla
8. Elesa
9. Dawn
10. Riley
11. Cheryl
12. Chuck

Q1: Have you ever read a Six / Eleven fic Do you want to?
A: Candice/Cheryl? Never read one, don't think I want to.

Q2: Do you think Four is hot How hot?
A: Volkner. . .yeah. He's pretty hot.

Q3: What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
A: Chuck got Elesa pregnant. EWWWW. Chuck shouldn't have sex. Period.

Q4: Can you recall any fics about Nine?
A: Dawn? Yep, totally.

Q5: Would Two and Six make a good couple?
A: Iris and Candice. No. Just. . .no.

Q6: Five / Nine or Five / Ten? Why?
A: Cynthia/Dawn or Cynthia/Riley? Both of them are really widespread on Fanfiction, but Cynthia/Riley is kinda cute. Cynthia/Dawn is 1) lesbian, 2) pedophilic and 3) JUST PLAIN WRONG.

Q7: What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve making out?
A: Skyla walked in on Iris and Chuck making out. . .She'd be horrified and run out screaming. As would I.

Q8: Make up a summary for a Three / Ten fic.
A: Brock/Riley. . .no. I don't know.

Q9: Is there any such thing as One / Eight fluff?
A: Ash/Elesa? There IS such a thing, I'm pretty sure. Somewhere out there. . .*shudder*

Q10: Suggest a title for a Seven / Twelve hurt / comfort
A: Skyla/Chuck. . .EW EW EW NOOOO.

Q11: Does anyone on your friends list read Three / Eight?
A: Brock/Elesa? Probably. . .

Q12: Does anyone on your friends list, write or draw Eleven?
A: Cheryl? Yep (coughMEcough)

Q13: Would anyone on your friends list write Two / Four / Five?
A: Iris/Volkner/Cynthia. It would be great without Iris in it. Because Volkner/Cynthia is kinda cute.

Q14: If you wrote a Song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?
A: Elesa. . .Dunno.

Q15: If you wrote a One / Six / Twelve fic, what would the warning be?
A: Ash/Candice/Chuck. No. I don't even know anymore. Warning: DOUSE YOURSELF WITH ACID RIGHT NOW.

Q16: When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
A: Cynthia? Just now.

Q17: "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (7) (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (6), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (12).
A: Why am I still doing this? Ash and Skyla are in a happy relationship until Dawn runs off with Skyla. Ash, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with Cheryl and a brief unhappy affair with Candice, then follows the wise advice of Cynthia and finds true love with Chuck.
Besides the "wise advice of Cynthia thing," the whole thing sucked.
Ash ended up with Chuck.
Excuse me while I go and puke my guts out.

Q18: What title would you give this fic?
A: I have a feeling I'm going to be repeating this a lot. I'd NEVER write that fic.

Q19: How would you feel if Seven / Eight were in a heated argument?
A: Skyla and Elesa? That's incredibly likely. They'd be fighting about which type was better, Flying or Electric XD

Q20: What would you think if you found (5) was a really good friend of a sibling or relative of yours?
A: Cynthia was my sister?! Oh my god. I will die of happiness. YES!

Q21: How would you react if you saw (8) and (11) in a closet together with a rubber ducky?
A: Elesa and Cheryl. . .um. . ."Whaaaaa?"

Q22: How would you feel if (2) dissed you in the worst possible way ever?
A: Chuck dissed me? He could probably pound me into a bloody pulp in 2 seconds, but I'd still try to punch him.

Q23: If you saw (9) and (3) in bed together, what would you do?
A: Dawn and Brock. . .eww. . .totally possible. . .but. . .eww. I'd probably faint or something.

Q24: You just came home from school and all of your friends hate you, your teacher just gave you an F on the most important project of the year (just imagine it happened for the smart alecks out there), and your parents have grounded you as your teacher had already called and told them of your grade. You open the door to your bedroom and you find (10) rummaging through your stuff. What do you do?
A: Riley? "Dude. . .first off. . .what the hell. Second. . .Can I have a Riolu egg? Pweeze? :3"

Q25: What would you think if (1) was emo and had tried to slit his/her wrists? If (1) is already emo/slit his/her wrists already, what would you think if (1) became the most optimistic person in the world?
A: Ash slitt

Q26: What would you feel this second if (4) gave you a daisy right now?
A: Sesshomaru gave me a daisy? I'd do the same thing that I said with Itachi, but a bit less extreme.

Q27: (6) has just stolen your hairbrush. What is the first thing you would say?
A: Shippo stole my hairbrush? "Awwwww, you can keep it, you adorable little kitsune!" Then I'd force him to take me to Inuyasha.

Q28: (7), (9), and (4) have banded together at 3 in the morning and starts to sing the most annoying song you know as loud as they can, waking you up. What is the first thing you think?
A: Yura, Kagura, and Sesshomaru. Oh my gods, Sesshomaru is SINGING. I'd whip out a video recorder and first put it on Youtube, then give it to Inuyasha and see both their reactions XD

Q29: (2) and (11) are your teachers. What would you do?
A: Inuyasha is too impatient to teach. I'd probably be able to beat up Jaken. But I'd tell them to take me with them. Then I'd steal the Tetsusaiga, and then touch Inuyasha's ears :3

The Lightning Thief Prophecy:
You shall go west and face the god who has turned,

You shall find what was stolen and see it safely returned.
You shall be betrayed by one who calls you a friend,
And you shall fail to save what matters most, in the end.

The Sea of Monsters Prophecy:
You shall sail the iron ship with warriors of bone.

You shall find what you seek and make it your own.
But fear for your life entombed within stone
And fail without friends, to fly home alone.

The Titan's Curse Prophecy:
Five shall go west to the goddess in chains.

One shall be lost in the land without rain.
The bane of Olympus shows the trail.
Campers and Hunters combined prevail.
The titan's curse nust one withstand,
And one shall perish by a parent's hand.

The Battle of the Labyrinth Prophecy:
You shall delve in the darkness of the endless maze,

The dead, the traitor, the lost one, raise.
You shall rise or fall by the ghost king's hand.
The child of Athena's final stand.
Destroy with the hero's last breath,
And lose a love to worse than death.

A half-blood of the eldest gods

Shall reach sixteen against all odds
And see the world in endless sleep.
The hero's soul, cursed blade shall reap.
A single choice shall end his days
Olympus, to preserve or raze.

Seven half-bloods shall answer the call,

To storm or fire the world must fall.
An oath to keep with a final breath,
And foes bear arms to the doors of death.

Child of Lightning, beware the earth,

The giants' revenge the seven shall birth,
The forge and dove shall break the cage,
And death unleash, through Hera's rage.

'Go to Alaska. Find Thanatos and free him. Come back by sundown on June twenty-fourth or die.'

To the north, beyond the gods, lies the legion's crown
Falling from ice, the son of Neptune shall drown
Wisdom's daughter walks alone
the Mark of Athena burns through Rome.


"Life's a bitch, so if it's easy, you're doing it wrong."
-Core Pride, song by UVERWorld, used as Blue Exorcist theme 1

'"Braccas meas vascimini!"
I wasn't sure where the Latin came from. I think it meant, "Eat my pants!"'
-Percy Jackson, The Lightning Thief, pg166

"I'm not saying hello to a pink poodle. Forget about it."
"Percy, I said hello to the poodle. You say hello to the poodle."
The poodle growled.
I said hello to the poodle.
-Percy and Annabeth Chase, Lightning Thief, pg195

"Annabeth . . ." I stammered. "How did you . . . how long have you . . ."
"Pretty much all morning." She sheathed her bronze knife. "I've been trying to find a good time to talk to you, but you were never alone."
"That shadow I saw this morning – that was-" My face felt hot. "Oh my gods, were you looking in my bedroom window?"
"There's no time to explain!" she snapped, though she looked a little red-faced herself."
-The Sea of Monsters, pg23

'I almost didn't recognize her. She was wearing a sleeveless silk dress like Circe's, only white. Her blond hair was newly washed and combed and braided with gold. Worst of all, she was wearing makeup, which I never thought Annabeth would be caught dead in. I mean she looked good. Really good. I probably would've been tongue-tied if I could've said anything except reet, reet, reet. But there was also something totally wrong about it. It just wasn't Annabeth.'
-Sea of Monsters, pg168 (:3)

'Before I could figure out how to apologize for being such an idiot, she tackled me with a hug, then pulled away just as quickly. "I'm glad you're not a guinea pig."
"Me too." I hoped my face wasn't as red as it felt.'
-Sea of Monsters, pg183

"Hubris? You mean that brown stuff you put on vegetables?"
"That's hummus. Hubris is much worse."
"What could be worse than hummus?"
-Percy and Annabeth, Sea of Monsters, pg199

'I looked nervously at Annabeth, then at the groups of girls who were roaming the gym.
"Well?" Annabeth said.
"Um, who should I ask?"
She punched me in the gut. "Me, Seaweed Brain."
"Oh. Oh, right."
-The Titan's Curse, pg12

'“Hey, can I see that sword you were using?"
I showed him Riptide, and explained how it turned from a pen into a sword just by uncapping it.
"Cool! Does it ever run out of ink?"
"Um, well, I don't actually write with it."
"Are you really the son of Poseidon?"
"Well, yeah."
"Can you surf really well, then?"
I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
"Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."
He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)'
-Titan's Curse, pg36

“You're a stalker with hooves."
"I am not! I followed her to the Big House and hid in a bush and watched the whole thing.”
-Percy and Grover, Titan's Curse

'When she smiled at me, just for a moment she looked a little like Annabeth. Then like this television actress I used to have a crush on in fifth grade. Then . . . well, you get the idea.
"Ah, there you are, Percy," the goddess said. "I am Aphrodite."
I slipped into the seat across from her and said something like, "Um uh gah."
-Titan's Curse, pg184-187 (XD)

"Where is the dam snack bar?"
"The dam snack bar?"
"Yes, what is so funny?"
"Nothing, I could use some dam french fries."
"And I need to use the dam restroom."
"I do not understand."
"I wanna use the dam water fountain."
"And I want to buy a dam T-shirt."
-Zoe, Grover, and Thalia, Titan's Curse, pg208

"Think positive. Tomorrow, you're off to camp! After orientation, you've got your date-"
"It's not a date!" I protested. "It's just Annabeth, Mom. Jeez!"
"She's coming all the way from camp to see you."
"Well, yeah."
"You're going to the movies."
"Just the two of you."
-The Battle of the Labyrinth, pg2

'It was hard to concentrate on what she was saying, because everybody in the dining pavilion was stealing glances at us and whispering, and Annabeth was right next to me. I mean right next to me.'
-Percy Jackson, Battle of the Labyrinth, pg45

"New lesson, class. Most monsters will vaporize when sliced with a celestial bronze sword. This change is perfectly normal, and will happen to you right now if you don't BACK OFF! . . . CLASS DISMISSED!"
-Percy, Battle of the Labyrinth, pg201

"Put your cap back on," I said. "Get out!"
"What?" Annabeth shrieked. "No! I'm not leaving you."
"I've got a plan. I'll distract them. You can use the metal spider-maybe it'll lead you back to Hephaestus. You have to tell him what's going on."
"But you'll be killed!"
"I'll be fine. Besides, we've got no choice."
Annabeth glared at me like she was going to punch me. And then she did something that surprised me even more. She kissed me.
"Be careful, Seaweed Brain." She put on her hat and vanished.
I probably would've sat there for the rest of the day, staring at the lava and trying to remember what my name was, but the sea demons jarred me back to reality.
-Battle of the Labyrinth, the infamous pg203 (XD)

'I nodded, looking at Rachel with respect. "You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush."'
-Percy, Battle of the Labyrinth, pg307

"With great power . . . comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later."
-Nico di Angelo, Last Olympian, pg128 (my fave)

'Before I could lose my courage, I said, "Don't I get a kiss for luck? Its kind of a tradition, right?"
I figured she would punch me. Instead, she drew her knife and stared at the army marching towards us.
"Come back alive, Seaweed Brain. Then we'll see."
I figured it was the best offer I would get, so I stepped out from behind the school bus. I walked up the bridge in plain sight, straight towards the enemy.'
-Percy and Annabeth, The Last Olympian, pg181

"I'm so cool I wanna date myself, but I can't figure out how! You wanna date me instead?"
-Leo Valdez, Lost Hero (8D)

Jason scratched his head. "You named him Festus? You know that in Latin, 'festus' means 'happy'? You want us to ride off to save the world on Happy the Dragon?"
-Lost Hero

"I can't summon any more gas!" Leo warned. Then his face turned red. "Wow, that came out wrong. I mean the burning kind. Gonna take the tool belt a while to recharge. What you got, man?"
-Lost Hero

"Can we just call them storm spirits?” Leo asked. “Venti makes them sound like evil espresso drinks."
-Lost Hero (XD)

Leo closed his hand and the fire went out. "Didn't want to look like a freak."
"I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell, 'Flame on!'"
Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!'"
-Lost Hero (XDDDD)

"Now you show up?" he demanded. "After fifteen years? Great parenting, Fur Face. Where do you get off sticking your ugly nose into my dreams?"
[a few paragraphs later] . . . .
"I'm not good with children," the god confessed. "Or people. Well, any organic life forms, really. I thought about speaking to you at your mom's funeral. Then again when you were in fifth grade . . . that science project you made, steam-powered chicken chucker. Very impressive."
"You saw that?"
Hephaestus pointed to the nearest worktable, where a shiny bronze mirror showed a hazy image of Leo asleep on the dragon's back.
"Is that me?" Leo asked. "Like—me right now, having this dream—looking at me having a dream?"
-Lost Hero (Lol.)

Piper gripped his hand and followed him. "If I fall, you're catching me."
"Uh, sure." Jason hoped he wasn't blushing.
Leo stepped out next. "You're catching me, too, Superman. But I ain't holding your hand."
-The Lost Hero (XD)

Leo looked stunned. He glanced behind him, like Khione might be talking to somebody else. For a second Jason was worried. He figured Leo didn't have beautiful goddesses make him offers like this every day.
Then Leo laughed so hard, he doubled over. "Yeah, join you. Right. Until you get bored of me and turn me into a Leosicle? Lady, nobody messes with my dragon and gets away with it. I can't believe I thought you were hot."
Khione's face turned red. "Hot? You dare insult me? I am cold, Leo Valdez. Very, very cold."
She shot a blast of wintry sleet at the demigods, but Leo held up his hand. A wall of fire roared to life in front of them, and the snow dissolved in a steamy cloud.
Leo grinned. "See, lady, that's what happens to snow in Texas. It—freaking—melts."
-The Lost Hero

'Frank stared at him, a little bit in awe. Percy had the chance to get his memory back, and he was willing to wait in case someone else needed the vial more? Romans were supposed to be unselfish and help their comrades, but Frank wasn't sure anyone else at camp would have made the same choice.'

'Percy's eyes lit up. "Like Capture-The-Flag. I think I like capture-the-flag."'

'Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed: Can your sword do grenade form?
Percy mouthed back, No. Shut up.
"There!" Mars finished writing and threw the scroll at Octavian. "A prophecy. You can add it to your books, engrave it on your floor, whatever."
Octavian read the scroll. "This says, 'Go to Alaska. Find Thanatos and free him. Come back by sundown on June twenty-fourth or die.'"
"Yes," Mars sad. "Is that not clear?"
"Well, my lord . . . usually prophecies are unclear . They're wrapped in riddles. They rhyme, and . . ."
Mars casually popped off another grenade off his belt. "Yes?"
"The prophecy is clear!" Octavian announced. "A quest!"'
-The SON OF NEPTUNE (I hate Octavian. A lot .)

'Percy imagined what that would be like: getting an apartment in this tiny replica of Rome, protected by the legion and Terminus the OCD border god. He imagined holding hands with Annabeth at a cafe. Maybe when they were older, watching their own kid chase seagulls across the forum . . .'

"We were plenty good last night when we whipped your podex , Larry!"
"Enough, Dakota," Reyna said. "Let's leave Larry's podex out of this."
-The SON OF NEPTUNE ( Podex means butt, basically. XD)

"She was in the baths. Scared her out of her mind."
"That I would've paid to see," Frank said. "I mean - her expression. Not, you know, the baths."
"Frank!" Hazel fanned her face like she need air.'
-The SON OF NEPTUNE (. . . XD)

"Except it's Chinese," Frank said. "My grandmother has one of those." He flinched. "I mean, hers isn't twelve feet tall. But she imports stuff . . . from China. We're Chinese." He looked at Hazel and Percy, who were trying their hardest not to laugh. "Could I just die from embarassment now?" he asked.'

'As they jogged through the lobby, Percy figured Annabeth would like this place. It was spacious and brightly lit, with big vaulted windows. Books and architecture, that was definitely her . . .
He froze in his tracks.
"Percy?" Frank asked. "What's wrong?"
Percy tried desperately to concentrate. Where had those thoughts come from? Architecture, books . . . Annabeth had taken him to a library once, back home in - in - The memory faded. Percy slimmed his fist into the side of a bookshelf.'

"The horse seems to feel your despair," the queen said. "Interesting. He's immortal, you know - the son of Neptune and Ceres."
Hazel blinked. "Two gods had a horse for a kid?"
"Long story."
-The SON OF NEPTUNE (Demeter and Poseidon. *shudder*)

"I don't think so," Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man.'"
"You speak horse?" Hazel asked.
"'Baby man'?" Frank spluttered.
"Speaking to horses is a Poseidon thing," Percy said. "Uh, I mean a Neptune thing."
"Then you and Arion should get along fine," Hazel said. "He's a son of Neptune too."
Percy turned pale. "Excuse me?"
If they hadn't been in such a bad situation, Percy's expression might have made her laugh. '

"I'm practically home," [Frank] said. "My grandmother's house is right over there."
Hazel squinted. "How far?"
"Just over the river and through the woods."
Percy raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? To Grandmother's house we go?"
Frank cleared his throat. "Yeah, anyway."
-The SON OF NEPTUNE, pg348 (XD)

"What are these guys?" He whispered.
"Canadians," Percy said.
Frank leaned away from him. "Excuse me?"
"Uh, no offense," Percy said. "That's what Annabeth called them when I fought them before. She said they live in the north, in Canada."
-The SON OF NEPTUNE, pg350 (8D)

"Jeez, Hazel," Percy said, "tell your horse to watch his language."
Hazel tried not to laugh. "What did he say?"
"With the cussing removed? He said he can get us to the top."
Frank looked incredulous. "I thought the horse couldn't fly!"
This time Arion whinnied so angrily, even Hazel could tell he was cursing.
"Dude," Percy told the horse, "I've gotten suspended for saying less than that."
* Later *
Percy and Frank both cussed like horses and held on desperately while Hazel wrapped her arms around Arion's neck.
-The SON OF NEPTUNE, pg439-440 (XDDD)

"Of course, once you've been stuck with a label - like dyslexic, disruptive, troublemaker -. It's pretty hard to change things back, because you're dealing with people's perceptions They don't see" you "anymore, they just see the label. "
-Demigods and Monsters

"I just love family meetings. Very cozy, with the Christmas garlands round the fireplace and a nice pot of tea and a detective from Scotland Yard ready to arrest you."
-Carter Kane, Red Pyramid, pg39

"Oh no," I said panic rising in my chest. "No, no, no! Somebody get a can opener, I've got a god in my head!!"
-Carter Kane, Red Pyramid, pg218

"Now, now," Bast said. "It's not so bad."
"Right," I said. "We're stuck in Washington, DC We have two days to make it to Arizona and stop a god we don't know how to stop. And if we can't, we'll never see our dad or Amos again, and the world might end. "
"That's the spirit!" Bast said brightly. "Now, let's have a picnic."
-Bast and Carter, Red Pyramid, pg241

"Hey, moose!" I screamed.
The Set animal locked its glowing eyes on me.
Well done! Horus said. Now we'll both die with honor!
Shut up, I thought. '
-Carter and Horus, Red Pyramid, pg269

"Well," I said. "If you need me, I'll be outside, playing with sharp objects."
-Carter Kane, Red Pyramid, pg373 (X3)

"Die, enemies of Ra!" Sekhemet yelled. "Perish in agony!"
"She's almost as annoying as you," I told Horus.
"Impossible," Horus said. "No one bests Horus."
-Carter, Sekhemet, and Horus, Red Pyramid, pg417

'She blinked. "Hmm? Oh, don't care. What did Anubis look like to you?"
"What did ... he looked like a guy. So?"
"A good-looking guy, or a slobbering dog-headed guy?"
"I guess ... Not the dog-headed guy."
"I knew it!" Sadie pointed at me as if she'd won an argument.
"Good-looking. I knew it!"
And with a ridiculous grin, she spun around and skipped into the house.
My sister, as I may have mentioned, is a little strange. '
-Carter and Sadie Kane, Red Pyramid, pg508

"I looked across the river to Manhattan. It was a great view. When Sadie and I had first arrived at Brooklyn House, Amos had told us that magicians tried to stay out of Manhattan. He said Manhattan had other problems-whatever that meant. And sometimes when I looked across the water, I could swear I was seeing things. Sadie laughed about it, but once I thought I was seeing a flying horse. "
-Carter, Throne of Fire, pg91 (8D)

'"Go," Anubis said. "I'm sorry I can't do more. But happy birthday, Sadie."
He leaned forward and kissed me on the lips ...
And if I was humming "Happy Birthday" and smiling stupidly as I fled for my life-well, that was nobody's business, was it? '
-Sadie, Throne of Fire, pg113

'"Would you like a treat?" Apophis asked. "We used to play so nicely together. Every night, trying to kill each other. Don't you remember?"
Ra poked his bald head above the throne. "Treat?"
"How about a stuffed date?" Apohpis pulled on out of the air. "You used to love stuffed dates, didn't you? All you have to do is come out and let me devour-I mean, entertain you."
"Want a cookie," Ra said.
"What kind?"
"Weasel cookie."
I'm here to tell you, that comment about weasel cookies probably saved the known universe. '
-Carter, Throne of Fire, pg411

“Ferb and I were just talking about the time you built a balloon and won the most famous balloon race in history! Tell us that story again?”
“Well, I went out to the barn, I built a balloon, and I won the most famous balloon race in history.”
“He makes history come alive.”
-Phineas, Ferb, and Grandpa, 'The Last Train to Bustville'

"Man, you weight a freaking ton," he told me. "What've you been eating, rocks?"
"Why, is your head missing some?" I croaked.
-Max and Fang, the Angel Experiment, pg217-218

"Max?" Iggy knocked on the door. "Can I come in? I have to brush my teeth."
"No-- I'm in a towel." I called back.
"I'm blind,” he said impatiently.
"No! You're kidding! Are you sure?"
-Max and Iggy, School's Out Forever, pg87

"I look like prep school Barbie." Nudge complained, as she entered the kitchen. She caught sight of me in my uniform and looked mollified. "Actually, you look like prep school Barbie. I'm just Barbie's friend."
-Nudge, School's out Forever, pg119

"There is one bright side to this," said Fang.
"Yeah? What's that? The new and improved Erasers would mutilate us before they killed us?"
He grinned at me so unexpectedly I forgot to flap for a second and dropped several feet. "You looove me," he crooned smugly. Holding his arms out wide, he added, "You love me this much."
My shriek of appalled rage could probably be heard in California, or maybe Hawaii.'
-Max and Fang, Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg103

"Vhat ozzer abilities do you haf?" ter Borcht snapped, which his assistant waited, pen in hand.
Gazzy thought. "I have X-ray vision," he said. He peered at ter Borcht's chest, then blinked and looked alarmed.
Ter Borcht was startled for a second, but then he frowned. "Don't write dat down," he told his assistant in irritation. The assistant froze in midsentence. "You. Do you haf any qualities dat distinguish you in any way?"
Nudge chewed on a fingernail. "You mean, like, besides the WINGS?" She shook her shoulders gently, and her beautiful fawn-colored wings unfolded a bit.
His face flushed, and I felt like cheering. "Yes," he said stiffly. "Besides de vings."
"Hmm. Besides de vings." Nudge tapped one finger against her chin. "Um..." Her face brightened. "I once ate nine Snickers bars in one sitting. Without barfing. That was a record!"
"Hardly a special talent," ter Borcht said witheringly.
Nudge was offended. "Yeah? Let's see YOU do it."
"I vill now eat nine Snickers bars," Gazzy said in a perfect, creepy imitation of ter Borcht's voice, "visout bahfing."
"Does anysing on you vork properly?"
Iggy rubbed his forehead with one hand. "Well, I have a highly developed sense of irony."
Ter Borcht tsked. "You are a liability to your group. I assume you alvays hold on to someone's shirt, yes? Following dem closely?"
"Only when I'm trying to steal their dessert," Iggy said truthfully.
"Write that down." I told the assistant. "He's a notorious dessert stealer."
"Vhy did you let a girl be de leader?" ter Borcht asked, a calculating look in his eyes.
"She's the tough one." Fang said.
Darn right, I thought proudly.
"Is dere anysing special about you?" ter Borcht asked. "Anysing vorth saving?"
Fang pretended to think, gazing up at the ceiling. "Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica."
"I vill now destroy ze Snickuhs bahrs!" Gazzy barked.'
-Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg137-139

"Now what? Who you gonna call?"
Captain Perry and John groaned. "That phrase is ruined forever."
-MAX: a maximum ride novel, pg274

“Gang way, London Tipton coming through!”
“Wow, bumpy seas!”
That was my foot!!!.”
“Well, what was it doing under my trunk?”
London and Mr. Moseby, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Your daddy put you on this boat so you can’t jet off to Paris for lunch and miss your afternoon classes.”
“I have afternoon classes?! What’s next – classes in the morning?”
London and Mr. Moseby, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“You know, the older I get, the more I realize that you have to look at adversity in the eye and say: ‘You don’t scare me!’
“Hey, Mr. Moseby!”
Zack, Cody, and Mr. Moseby, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Moseby, you’re shaking like a Chihuahua.”
“Oh. . .sea breeze!”
Carey Martin and Mr. Moseby, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Did you miss us, Mr. Moseby?”
“Oh, why, yes, yes! I mean, without you, the last three months on this floating paradise have been – oh, sheer torture.”
“Well, your suffering’s over!”
Zack and Mr. Moseby, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“We’re going to be attending Seven Seas High!”
“. . .Eh?!”
Zack, London, and Mr. Moseby, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Believe me, it was not an easy decision, but it was such a great opportunity and I can afford it with my employee discounts, so how could I say no?”
“Well. . .uh, like this. NOOOO!!!” jumps overboard*
“. . .He took that better than I thought.
Carey and Mr. Moseby, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“I can’t believe I get to study oceanography on the ocean!”
“I’m gonna study anatomy. Starting with her.”
“. . .Uh, as a study partner.”
“Uh-huh. C’mon.”
Zack, Cody, and Carey, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Excuse me. Is this where we get our suite assignments?”
“Yes, but as you can see, there’s a line.”
“As you can see, I don’t care.”

Ms. Tutweiler and London, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“My name is London Tipton.”
“Oh, then you must-”
“Let’s not make a big deal about the fact that my daddy owns the boat!”
Ms. Tutweiler and London, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Back of the line!”
“I-I mean if that’s okay with you.”
“It isn’t.”
“And that’s okay with me!”
Ms. Tutweiler and London, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Now, don’t you forget-”
“I won’t. Bye!”
Eunice and Bailey, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Whoa! Check out our schedule. 8:00: Bingo and Breakfast Buffet. 9:00: Volleyball tournament – and donuts! 10:00: Water sports and an Omelet Bar. Man, I love this school!”
“Zack, that’s the passenger schedule. Here’s the student schedule.”
“Eight hours of school. . .and then a cheese sandwich.”
Zack and Cody, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Well, I guess this is-”

“Oh, Cody!”
“Oh, Mom!”
“. . Oh, man.”
Carey, Zack, and Cody, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Hey, Mom – I’m not a baby!”
“. . .No, you’re right, you’re not. . .Don’t know when it happened, but you guys grew up. . .You don’t need me anymore to tie your shoes, or remind you to wear your sweaters – which you really should be wearing because it’s very breezy out here on this deck. . .”
Carey and Zack, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Okay, well, bye Zack.”
“Bye, Mom.”
“. . .Honey, you okay?”
“Yeah. Sure. No problem. See ya!”
“Well, okay then. . .”
“Mommy, don’t go!”
Zack and Carey, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Ugh, how hideous.”
“Oh – you do not like the room?”
“No, your clothes.”
London and Padma, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“You know, I really have to talk to Daddy about these new maid outfits.”
“Oh, you think I’m – no, no, no. I’m Padma – I’m your roommate!”
“Roommate? Isn’t it bad enough that Daddy’s making me go to this stupid sea school? Now he’s making me share a room with the maid?”
“Ah, student.”
Student maid?”
London and Padma, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Look, I need my own room – Ooh! Idea! Why don’t you drop out.”
“Ooh, better idea! Why don’t you drop dead?”
London and Padma, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Hey, I’m Co-Holy Toledo!

“Nice to meet you, Coholey!”
“Coholey? Mr.Toledo?”
Cody and Woody, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“What happened in here?”
“Oh – I was looking for my underwear. . .Here it is!”
“underwear. . .Found it!”
“. . .You only brought one pair?!
“Plus the pair that I’m wearing!”
Cody and Woody, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Yo. I’m Bailey Pickett. ‘Sup.”
“Hey, broseph! What’s goin’ on? Zack Martin.” *offers fist*
“Aaaaaaaaaaah! Oh, right. Fist pound.”
Bailey and Zack, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“I’m just one of the guys.”
*Zack picks up a bra from her suitcase*
“. . .Uh, er, that’s my girlfriend’s.”
“Well, I didn’t think it was yours.”
Bailey and Zack, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“I just thought I’d hang a rope and divide up the room – I like my privacy.”
“Aw, you are one of those neat freaks.”
“Naw, naw, I’m real easygoing. Here’s the bathroom schedule.”
Bailey and Zack, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Um, I’m so not sure that I can ‘go’ on schedule.”
“Helps if you eat bran.”
Bailey and Zack, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

Cody comes out of his room, gasping for air*
“If you like that, wait ‘till you hear me fart ‘Stairway to Heaven’.”
“. . .That’s like a ten-minute song!”
Woody and Cody, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“I cannot believe that you used my hairbrush to scratch your back!”
“Back. . .Yeah, let’s go with back!”
Bailey and Zack, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Aw, c’mon, you’re worse than my brother! *turns around and sees Cody* Oh hey, Cody, what’s going on?”
Zack, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“. . .My roommate farts classic rock.”
Cody and Zack, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

Ship’s speaker: “Attention, students. Classroom time will begin in five minutes.”
“Hey, invisible voice! Five minutes does not work for me!”
London, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“Then why do they call him a purser!”
“I don’t know, but I do know that it’s not his job to hold your purse!”
“Fine. Then you hold it.”
“Good grief, what is in this!”
“My allowance.”
Ms. Tutweiler and London, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“This is the state-of-the-art marine biology lab – ”
“Which my daddy paid for! Can I go now?”
“No. Now, if you’ll all follow me, we’ll go up one deck to the planetarium –”
“I don’t know what that is, but my daddy paid for it! Can I go now?”
“No! . . .Though nothing would make me happier.”
Ms. Tutweiler and London, “The Suite Life Sets Sail”

“I want to make a good impression on my grandmother, so try not to humiliate me with your boring farm talk.
“Yeah. Like that.”
London and Bailey, “Family Thais”

“I just know that my grandmother and I are going to be BFFWAOPs! Best Friends Forever With an Old Person.”
“Yeah. Can we GITCBMAFO? Get in the Cab Before My Arms Fall Off?!”
London and Bailey, “Family Thais”

“I’m so happy to have you here at my home!”
“Don’t you mean servant’s quarters?”

“No. This is where I live. This is my rice farm!”
“Say what?
Khun Yai and London, “Family Thais”

“Terraced fields, rhodery huller. . .reverse gravitational irrigation system?! No way. That’s been on my Christmas list for like, ever!”

Bailey, “Family Thais”

“London, isn’t this wonderful? You come from farmstock, just like me!”

Bailey, “Family Thais”

“Hi Bailey! It’s me, Cody. This is my ‘Missing You’ diary. Day One, Hour One: I miss you! A lot.”
“Bailey, you’re dating a loser!”

Cody and Zack, “Family Thais”

“Zack! Now I’m going to have to rewind and reshoot that!”
“Oh, then I did you a favor!”
Cody and Zack, “Family Thais”

“I miss you more than the particle beams missed each other at the large Haydron Collider when it sent those superconducting magnets that were damaged in September 2008!”

“. . .lame.”

Cody and Zack, “Family Thais”

“I need your help with a girl.”
“I’m not going to help you impress another girl with an important call from your ‘Navy Seal Commander.’

“No. I like to keep that one in reserve.”
Cody and Zack, “Family Thais”

“Hillary, Cody. Cody, Hillary.”
“Wow. Sparks!
Zack, “Family Thais”

“I just had the worst nightmare! My grandmother was a farmer and lived in a hut-AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! It’s a dream inside a dream!”
London, “Family Thais”

“AAAAH! Snake!”
“Silly. That’s my elephant!”
“AAAAH! Elephant!”
Khun Yai and London, “Family Thais”

“What a well-trained pet! What’s his name?”
“Aww, that’s pretty. What does it mean?”
“Cleaning lady. And a lazy one at that.”
“Huh. Cleaning lady. Maybe we are related!”
Bailey, Khun Yai, and London, “Family Thais”

“I have a lot of fun things planned for your visit. Starting with. . .planting rice!”
“WHAT? The only planting I do is my butt on the couch!”
Khun Yai and London, “Family Thais”

“I’m Zack. Where have you been all my life?”
“Just hoping that a guy in knee socks and an apron would hit on me.”
Zack and Maya, “My oh Maya”

“I guess she had to quit school because the pain of seeing me every day was just. . .too much for her.”
“I know it’s too much for me.”
Cody and Marcus, “My oh Maya”

“Oh, Maya! I made you a Honeydew Dream because today, your dreams come true.”
“. . .I’m going to dance with a giant rabbit while Lady Gaga plays the spoons?!”
“. . .Uh, not that dream. But wow.”
Zack and Maya, “My oh Maya”

“Did you say no?”
“Oh, good, ‘cause that’s what I thought you said-”

“No - not yes. No.”

“. . .I’m kinda getting mixed signals from you.”
Zack and Maya, “My oh Maya”

“Look, Zack. I’ve only been here a day and I know that you’ve hit on every single girl on this ship. Including that mermaid statue in the Neptune Lounge!”

“Hey! She came onto me! She was staring at me for like, an hour.”
Zack and Maya, “My oh Maya”

“How come everyone knows the new girl but me?”

“Oh – she started school yesterday. You would have known that if you’d bothered to show up!”
“Well, excuse me for observing a religious holiday.”
Secretary’s Day is not a religious holiday!”

Zack and Cody, “My oh Maya”

“I brought you some pastries!”
“These are free from the buffet!”
“Yeah, but I wrapped ‘em for you.”

Dante and Marcus, “My oh Maya”

“Remember when we met in Paris and you said we should work together someday? Guess what? According to the calendar, it’s someday!
Dante, “My oh Maya”

“I’m giving you a chance for you to produce my new album!”
“Why would I want to produce that? I’m already sorry your parents produced you!”
Dante and Marcus, “My oh Maya”

“Why don’t you get back to your cabin and leave me alone?”
“Uh, okay. Here’s the thing. I don’t exactly have a cabin.”
“Every passenger has a cabin!”
“Hehe, yeah. Here’s the thing. I’m not exactly a passenger.”
Then how exactly did you get on board?”

“. . .A rope. . .?”
Dante and Marcus, “My oh Maya”

“Zack. What is this?”
“Dental floss for a giant? Hehe.”
“Very funny. What I want to know is why I found it hooked to a deck rail!
“How should I know?”

“Well, because the last time I found a rope hanging over the ship, Cody’s leg was attached to the other end!

Zack and Mr. Moseby, “My oh Maya”

“A stowaway? Impossible! This ship is equipped with the finest security system money can buy!”
“. . .You mean Kirby?”
Zack and Mr. Moseby, “My oh Maya”

“You always say girls are like socks – they’re basically all the same, so if you lose one in the laundry room you can just steal someone else’s.”
“I know, but there’s something different about this sock. It’s just so soft, and smells so nice, and I just wanna hug it and kiss it-”

“Are we still talking about a sock?!”

Zack and Cody, “My oh Maya”

“You’re in looove! Zacky loves Maya-”

“Hey – I do not! Love is a very strong word reserved for the special things in life, like the Red Sox, and deep-dish pizza, and Zombie Slayer 4!”

“You can’t walk on the beach with Zombie Slayer 4.”
“. . .You can with a handheld.”

Zack and Maya, “My oh Maya”

“These pens have a little problem with the springs!”
“I know. It took out my Granny’s good eye on Christmas morning.”
And you didn’t send it back?!
Dante and Marcus, “My oh Maya”

“So, Gina, thanks for agreeing to go out with me at the last minute.”
“How could I say no? You blasted off at 0-600 to destroy the asteroid and saved the world!”
“Yes. Yes I do.”
Gina and Zack, “My oh Maya”

“Can she read the menu, or should I get the one with the pictures?”
Maya, ”My oh Maya”

“Zack, when you’re standing on that asteroid, the wind blowing through your hair as you hurtle toward Earth, remember: I’ll be here waiting to cuggle!”
“Oh – I made that word up. It’s a combination of cuddle and snuggle!”
“Aww. You are so adorable!”
“Ooh! What’s that a combination of?”
“. . .Nothing. That’s an actual English word.”
“Oh. . .I only speak American.”
Gina and Zack, “My oh Maya”

“Here are some extra crayons for your menu! Please, don’t eat them.”
Maya, “My oh Maya”

“Can we get married on the sun? We can do it at night – so it won’t be too hot.”
Gina, “My oh Maya”

“Have you seen anything suspicious?”
“Well, uh, um. . .Mrs Pepperman hasn’t lost a bingo game in months. I think she’s got something going on with the caller!”
I’m the caller!

“Well – uh, I hope you two are very happy together.”
Marcus and Mr. Moseby, “My oh Maya”

“You don’t look very happy. . .Doesn’t all this hay remind you of home?”
“I’m from New York! The only “hay” you get there is “Hey! Gimme yo’ money or I’ll break your face! And thanks for shopping with us!”

Maya, “My oh Maya”

“Alright, you guys have fun. But not too much fun. We have enough kids already.”
*Bob laughs*

“I’m serious.”
Teddy and Bob, “Baby Come Back”

“Hey, Teddy, thanks for doing this. It's going to be good for your mother and I have to have some special time together.”

Bob and Amy, “Baby Come Back”

“Okay. So, if we divide it up evenly, we all get to spend an hour with Charlie! Who wants to go first?
“I think you should go first.”
“And second, and third, since this was your idea.”
Teddy, PJ, and Gabe, “Baby Come Back”

“If you want to go to the park so badly, then why don’t you just take Charlie?”
“What’s a baby supposed to do at the park?”

“Babies love parks! You can show her the duck pond, the blue sky, the clouds. . .”
“”We’re just gonna look at stuff? That’s what TV’s for!”
Teddy and PJ, “Baby Come Back”

"Ah, Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. I was most unfortunate in my youth to come across a vomit-flavored one. Since then, I'm afraid I've lost my liking for them. But I think I could be safe with a nice toffee. *eats it*. Alas, earwax.

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

"Who told you about Fluffy?"
"That thing has a name?"

-Hagrid, Ron, and Hermione, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

"It's spooky! She knows more about you than you do!"
"Who doesn't?!"

-Ron and Harry, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

"Now if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed - or worse, expelled."
"She needs to sort out her priorities!"

-Hermione and Ron, Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone

[about Fluffy]
"I lent him to Dumbledore to guard the..."
"Shouldn't have said that. No more questions, don't ask anymore questions!"

-Hagrid and Harry, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

[about Fluffy]

"Just play a bit of music and he falls straight asleep... I shouldn't have told you that"

-Hagrid, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

[in the Devil's Snare]
"Stop moving, both of you. This is Devil's Snare! You have to relax. If you don't, it'll only kill you faster!"
"Kill us faster? Oh, now I can relax!"

-Hermione and Ron, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

"You're a wizard, Harry!"
"I'm a what?"

-Hagrid and Harry, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

"Harry, no way! You heard what Madam Hooch said. Besides, you don't even know how to fly!"
[Harry ignores Hermione and he flies up]
"What. An. Idiot!"

-Hermione and Harry, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

[picks up Neville's Rememberall]

"Did you see his face? Maybe if the fat lump had given this a squeeze, he'd have remembered to fall on his fat ass."

-Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

"What happened down in the dungeon between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret. So, naturally, the whole school knows"

-Dumbledore and Harry, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

"Wingardium Leviosah!"
"Stop, stop, stop! You're going to take someone's eye out. Besides, you're saying it wrong. It's LeviOsa, not LevioSAAAAH!!!"

-Hermione and Ron, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Fun Fact For HPatSS: "The kids liked to get the makeup people to give them gashes,"Robbie Coltrane (who played Hagrid in 2001) told EW. "Daniel [Radcliffe] got one to give him a black eye, and he came in the morning and the other ones said, "Oh my God! What happened?!?!" It was hilarious.

"Oh, Harry? If you die down there, you're welcome to share my toilet."
-Moaning Myrtle, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Facts of Life

There's no I in TEAM, but there's a U in SUCK.

Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is, "What is never the answer?" Then the answer would be violence. But if violence is never the answer, then it can't be the answer. But then . . .

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

Dear Math: Why should I solve your problems? Get a therapist!

Sarcasm is my body's natural defense against stupidity.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

All men are equal before fish.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Be obscure clearly.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

After Monday (M) and Tuesday (T), the rest of the week says WTF?

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up and does not stop until you get to school.

Girls have an unfair advantage over guys. If they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.

We must believe in luck – how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like?

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven’t what they want that they don’t want it.

I didn’t fall. The floor just needed a hug.

Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens to whatever everyone’s saying.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first. And, whatever you hit, call it the target.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.

They’ve finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

Avoid eating escargot. You are what you eat.

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question - “Whom should we notify in case of an accident?” He mulls it over and then writes, “Anybody in sight!”

My graduation speech: I’d like to thank the Internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and copy & paste.

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping me.

Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

A pessimist who says that O is the last letter of ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

God made mud, God made dirt, God made girls so boys can flirt.

If you can make a girl laugh – you can make her do anything.

It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road.

If it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching television by candlelight.

TV has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course in college.

Have you ever walked into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

Arguing about whether the glass is half full or half empty misses the point, which is this: the bartender cheated you.

Thank you, Facebook. I can now farm without going outside, cook without being in my kitchen, feed fish I don’t have, and waste an entire day without having a life.

In school, I was an outstanding student. My teacher would send me to stand outside class as a punishment.

Don’t let your mind wander. It’s too young to be let out alone.

If you are talking behind my back, you are in a good position to kiss my ass.

In 2013, the teachers will end class early because, “Okay, that’s enough for today – I need to update my Facebook status.

Congrats on getting married! (Inside card) It’s not every day you decide to ruin your life.

Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts, while others come into our lives and make us wanna leave footprints on their face.

Sorry, I can’t hang out. My uncle’s cousin’s sister in law’s best friend’s insurance agent’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Maybe next time.

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it’s hard to get it back in.

Kids are like farts. You don’t mind your own, but other people’s are unbearable.

Microsoft bought Skype for $8.5 billion. What a bunch of idiots! I downloaded it for free!

Nobody goes where the crowds are anymore. It’s too crowded.

This girl rang me up one time, she said, “Come on over, nobody’s home.” I went over, and surprise surprise - no one was home!

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

When I was born … the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father … I’m very sorry. We did everything we could … but he pulled through.
Rodney Dangerfield

Sorry, I’m allergic to bullshit.

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.

My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.
Groucho Marx

A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.

Ten percent of something is better than 100% of nothing.

I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit!

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.

Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.

A day without sunshine is, well, you know, night.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

I don’t kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, ‘Whoa, I’m way too high!’

A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.

If you wanna be popular, stand still, giggle, smear your face with lipstick, and say “Ohhhhh” every 2.5 seconds.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

Man who stands on toilet, gets high on pot!

Lots of people deserve a high five. In the face. With a chair. A metal one. Made of spikes. Tipped with acid.

Don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t sell drugs. The government hates competition!

Some people live upside down. They like to talk out their ass and the only thing that comes outta their mouth is shit.

My mom told me that if i have nothing nice to say, then don’t say it, My day was very quiet.

Three words that can change your mood INSTANTLY: I love you, I hate you, and Facebook: Log-in error.

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

All my life, I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.

Can we actually "know" the universe? My gods, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.

Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.

"More fun than a barrel of monkeys." Has anyone ever stopped to think how cranky, if not downright vicious, a barrelful of monkeys would be, especially once released from the barrel?

“Cute as a bug in a rug.” Oh yes, because a giant, black millipede squirming around underneath your newly bought silken rug is considered adorable.

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.

What does Christmas mean if we can't encourage small children to sit on a stranger's lap?

Nobody can get the truth out of me because even I don't know what it is. I keep myself in a constant state of utter confusion.

Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg.

Keep your words sweet. You may have to eat them.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

There's no such thing as fun for the whole family.

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.

A line is a dot that went for a walk

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, and then you wonder what to do with it.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his or her shoes. That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.

Just because nobody complains, doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me, however, is another matter.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

My computer may have beaten me at chess, but it was no match for KARATE!

Home is where the couch is.

When you're weird, you're normal. If you're normal, then you're weird.

Have fun, laugh at things that aren't funny, and make a HUGE loser out of yourself in public.

Don't take life so seriously. No one gets out alive.

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

Ociffer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

Don't hit kids. . . . . no seriously, they got guns now.

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity . . . not so sure about the universe.

I'm rad, you're rad . . . but if you hug me, I will slap you silly.

People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers.

Pictures fade away but memories are FOREVER! . . . unless you're an amnesiac.

Take candy, not drugs.

Friendship is like peeing in your pants; everyone can see it, but only you can feel it.

Hold your head high gorgeous, there are people that would kill to see you fall.

Don't like my attitude? Call 1-800-KISS-MY-ARSE

If you're gonna be two-faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.

Yes, I do use my hairbrush as a microphone and dance around in my underwear. Thank you very much.

Welcome to the internet, pants optional.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!
Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised that we lied about the cookies?
Come to the light side. We have ICE CREAM!
Welcome to the light side. Heh, sorry, we're out of ice cream.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic . . . enough said.

Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL,
calling me STUPID won't make you SMART,
calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG,
calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY,
calling me POOR won't make you RICH,
calling me FAT wont make you THIN,
calling me UNCOOL wont make you COOL,
so . . . why bother?"

If nothing is going right . . . go left.

"Let's eat grandma" or "Let's eat, grandma." Punctuation saves lives.

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot.

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

I did what they say and chose the road less traveled . . . Now where the heck am I?

Elmo watches you from your closet.

This is Bob. Bob likes you. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

My imaginary friend thinks you have some SERIOUS problems.

Life is like a pack of gum . . . I have yet to figure out why.

Strangers stab you in the front. Friends stab you in the back. Boyfriends stab you in the heart. But best friends only poke each other with straws :)

Attempting to give a damn . . . . . Unable to give a damn. Stopping . . . . Process failed. Damn not given.

I'm not so good at advice; may I interest you in a sarcastic reply?

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep.

WARNING: Do not follow in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls and off cliffs.

Real girls aren't perfect, and perfect girls aren't real.

I've got ADHD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have. (I don't have ADHD, I have SAS: short attention span)

I'm not littering . . . just donating to the Earth.

If it's worth doing, it's worth over doing.

I reject your reality and substitute it with my own.

It's funny - the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting people to shut up.

I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you, and you're just not laughing.

I used up all my sick days at work so I'm calling in dead.

Be nice to your kids. They choose your nursing home.

It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Note to self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

My favorite word is sarcasm.

Please don't drop cigarette buds on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

If you want to look young and thin, hang around with old fat people.

If Wal-Mart is lowering their prices everyday, how come the store isn't free yet?

Sarcasm doesn't work on a sarcastic person.

Lost your pen= No pen
No pen= No notes
No notes= No study
No study= Fail
Fail= No diploma
No diploma= No work
No work= No money
No money= No food
No food= Skinny
Skinny= Ugly
Ugly= No love
No love= No marriage
No marriage= No children
No children= Alone
Alone= Depression
Depression= sickness
Sickness= Death
Life Lesson= Don't lose your pen. You'll die.

Men are like parking spots. The good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' (if I HAD one . . .)

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do.

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia - fear of long words.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marshmallows and flirting with the firemen.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect to get it back!

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. . . if well-aimed.

One way to find out if something works: push all the buttons.

I hear your silence loud and clear.

According to the latest figures, 43% of all statistics are utterly worthless.

Don't steal. The government hates the competition.

If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.

Tell the truth and run.

Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Friends come and go while enemies never do; they just multiply.

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.

Knowledge is power and power corrupts. Get my drift?

Generally, generalizations are wrong.

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.

Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.

The Truth is out there. So what are you doing here?

Whatever you are, be a good one.

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.

The difficulty is not so great as to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for.

Belief gets in the way of learning.

If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?

When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.

Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years.

We don't live in the world of reality, we live in the world of how we perceive reality.

If God had intended Man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.

A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.

Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.

Education is important. School, however, is another matter.

When a finger points at the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months.

Cynics are made, not born.

What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it? . . . . Next week.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Women are crazy. Men are stupid. Women are crazy BECAUSE men are stupid.

The best guys in life are either gay, taken, or fictional.

Boys are like trees. They take 50 years to grow up.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

My mind works like lightning . . . . one brilliant flash and it's gone.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Never say that! Never! Run before you walk! Fly before you crawl! Keep moving forward! Because if we fail, I'd rather fail really hugely. All or nothing!

Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them more.

If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Growing old is mandatory . . . growing UP is optional . . .

When I'm stressed, I laugh. When I'm happy, I laugh. When I'm nervous, I laugh. If I find something funny, I can't stop laughing.

If you find any poisonous plants in your tea, just to let you know, it wasn't me.

Don't pop my bubbles. I'll get depressed.

Anatidaephobia: the fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder

People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.

If your heart was really broken . . . you'd be dead, so shut up.

People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled "Bang", I don't think you'd kill too many people.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

Emmett's the strongest, Edward's the fastest, but Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make people jealous.

Until this moment, I never understood how hard it was to lose something you never had.

They laugh because we're losers . . . . We laugh because they just figured it out.

The 50-50-90 rule: any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% chance you'll get it wrong. I’m serious.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

The voices may not be real, but they have some pretty good ideas.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.

Why be difficult, when, with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done.

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Newsflash, Honey, I don't live to please you.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me.

Boys are like lava lamps: fun to watch but not too bright.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, but only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't do my laundry. I mean, come on, who would wanna wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Silence is golden . . . duct tape is silver.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and watch the world wonder how you did it.

When life gives you lemons . . . squirt 'em in peoples' eyes!

When life gives you lemons, laugh, cause Life forgot that you like oranges.

Be insane- well behaved people never made history.

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

To the world you are just one person, but to one person, you're the world.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he took a wrong turn, got lost, and was too stubborn to ask for directions.

It's always in the last place you look . . . of course it is, why would I keep looking for it?

Happiness is just around the corner! . . . Too bad the world is round . . .

I'm not random . . .
I just have many thou- OH, A SQUIRREL!!

I can only please one person a day. Today's not your day, and tomorrow's not looking good either.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!

If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that thing up in two seconds. When I play Rock, Paper, Scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, motherfucker!”

I hate it when people say there is no such thing as normal. There IS such thing, as normal means average, what is considered to be most common. Normal. Of course, I'm not normal at all so I have no idea what I'm on about. If you want to learn how to explode things, crush things, cause things harm, or whatever random things you need, I'm your girl. If you want to know about anything that you will actually USE in life, go somewhere else.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it . . .

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty. All I want to know is who's drinking my water!

He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it.
She Said: You wear pants, don't you?

"Sir, we're surrounded!"
"Excellent, we can attack in any direction!"

"Sir, we're screwed! Half our men are down, there's no way out, the sky is practically falling as we speak-"
"Get a grip Corporal! Our weapons still work, which means we can still kick some ass!"

When you feel that nobody loves you . . .
That nobody cares for you . . .
And everyone is ignoring you . . .
And people are jealous of you . . .
You should really ask yourself . . .
Am I too sexy? [L.M.F.A.O XD]

The best people in the world have witty retorts.

Thunder—I GET IT. You're loud. I can be loud too. Now, SHUDDUP ALREADY.

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." Dr. Seuss

S he's br ok en. S he be lie ve d .

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift; that's why it's called "The Present."

It's easy to imagine ways the future can be ugly and depressing. It's harder, but more worthwhile, to imagine plausible ways we can make it better.

The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.

There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy.

Shit you REALLY don't wanna hear during surgery

Relax, dear - removing an appendix is so easy, even a janitor can do it. You wanna bet? Okay. Hey, you. Yes you, the janitor. Come over here. What’s your name? You’re not sure? Okay, no biggie. Drop that mop and grab this scalpel. No, the scalpel.

“Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.”

“Someone call the janitor and tell him to bring a mop. NOW.”

“Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, what's that?”

“Hand me that. . .uh. . .that. . .thingy.”

“Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?”

“Rats, there go the lights again. . .”

“Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em.”

“Stand back! I lost a contact lens.”

“Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing off my concentration!”

“What's this doing here?”

“That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!”

“I should have brought my glasses.”

“Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.”

“Sterile, schmerile. The floor's pretty clean, right?”

“Anyone see where I left that scalpel?”

“Okay, now take a picture from this angle.”

“Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?”

“Don't worry. I think it's sharp enough.”

“She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!”

“Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!”

“FIRE! FIRE! Everybody out!”

“Bo! BO! Come back with that! Bad Dog!”

"Whaddaya mean, 'you want a divorce'?!"

“Oh, no! Anybody seen my scalpel?”

“I hate it when there's stuff missing.”

“What do you mean, he wasn't in for a sex change?!”

“And now, I'll remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.”

“This patient has already had kids, right?”

“What do you mean you want a divorce?!”

“"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!"”


“Let me ask your opinion, nurse. . .”

“I thought we started with four clamps?”

“Has anyone ever seen one of these?”

“What do you mean, it's upside down?”

“Oh, man! I think I'm gonna be sick.”

“This is what happens when cousins marry.”

“You think we can sew it back on?”

“Is that supposed to be yellow?”

“I learned that when I studied to be a vet.”

“Not bad for someone who failed med school.”

“What does the AMA know? I still think I can do it.”

“Whoa. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so drunk last night.”

“Does Tab A go into Slot C or Slot F?”

“They never let us practice on real people in med school.”

"This is called practice for a reason."

“That proves aliens have taken over our bodies.”

“Don't worry, he'll never know.”

“Okay, make a wish and pull.”

“So that's what a girl looks like!”

“Back in a minute. Gotta put more money in the meter.”

“What he doesn't know won't hurt us.”

“Tilt that TV this way. I can't see the game.”

“Poor guy. Maybe we should give him a sex change.”

“The voices in my head keep telling me not to do this.”

“I think my Alzheimers is getting. . .um. . .”

“Oh, yeah? If you think you're so good, you do it!”

“How come this patient has both sex organs?”

"So Bob, did you hear the news this morning?" "Yeah, something about the sale prices on fresh organs going up..."

(sings) "The first vein's connected to the. . .right aorta. . .the left brain's connected to the. . .stomach bone. . ."

"Is that supposed to bounce?!"


"Hey, back off. Replace your own stupid IV. Can’t you see I’m flirting with the hot nurse? Sheesh. People these days, I mean, really. So, what’s your sign?"

"Hurry up, tea time's in ten minutes. Make it snappy."

"A screwdriver? . . .That can't be right."

"After everything we did, I can't believe this guy is still alive."

"Well, a diagram would've been useful. . ."

"This guy does have insurance. . .right?"

"Ah, well, you win some, you lose some. . ."

"Condition. . .no brain damage. . .Wait, now he does."

"Let's get this over with."

"You guys all know the saying 'Death is probable'? Yeah. . .now it's certain."

"Dude, I can juggle!"

"Hey, Beavis, check this out. . .he he he. . .BOING BOING BOING!"

"It's bouncy!"

"Do you see that, my child? Yes, that. DON'T EVER TOUCH IT."

"Doesn't this remind you of the time when we played Twister?"

"Ain't nothing a little duct tape won't cure. . .I think."

"The penny landed on heads - so we use the electric saw."

"Don't worry, you won't feel a thing. HAHAHA. . .I really get a kick outta saying that. . ."

"God performs miracles. . .I don't. And God knows that he needs one. Badly."

"Let's get going. Chop-chop. No - not literally! NO!!!"

"I’ve never actually drawn blood from a patient before. But I’m truly terrific at darts, which if you think about it, are more or less fancy needles dressed up with feathers. Now, let me draw a bulls-eye around your primary jugular vein and we’ll get this party started."

"He looked better when he came in."

"BIOPSY? I thought you said AUTOPSY! . . .Fuck."

"Ha! That was a good one! Now give his brain a li'l poke. . .riiiiiight. . .there. . .HAHAHA!"

". . .You've USED one of these before. . .right?"

"Yes nurse, or should I say, “Captain Obvious?” I do realize that I just accidentally cut off his head. Don’t just stand there - go get the duct tape!"

"Which one am I supposed to take out again? . . .No one knows? Okay, we'll have to do this the old-fashioned way. Er-hem. 'Eeny, meenie, miney, mo, catch a kidney by the toe. . ."

"Look at the time! Seriously, just rip out his old heart and slap in this new one. What’s the big deal?"

"I don't understand! This didn't happen in the video!"

"Is there a law against alcohol in the operating room? Just curious."

"Let's play hot potato!"

"It's mushy!"

"Eww, I'm not touching that! . . .Whatever it is. Or was."

"I don't CARE if you've never been to med school. . .You're staying RIGHT HERE! No matter WHAT HAPPENS!"

"I hate it when they're missing stuff in here. Makes it so much harder."

". . .We got tested on this, right? Yeah. . I got somewhere in the F range. . ."

"I know you forgot the nacho dip, but don't you think that's going just a LITTLE too far?"

". . .Shit, left my glasses at home. . ."

"I'm starting to think that this whole thing is just a waste of time."

"Do you have any questions? We'll Google 'em."

"My recommended treatment? Euthanasia. NOW."

"If he doesn't last, at least this picture we took will."

"Is this patient really here, or is it just my schizophrenia?"

"Isn't this the guy that slept with your wife?"

"It didn't work on that guy, so let's try it with this one. Practice makes perfect, right?"

"IT'S ALIVE!!!!!!!"

"It's all right. . .Go ahead. . .He's asleep."

"It's easy, just use the force, Luke. . .OH MY GOD!"

"Look, Ma, no hands!"

"Oh yeah? Well, I think unconsciousness DOES mean consent, since he's not voicing an objection."

"Well, on the bright side, his wife won't have to worry about getting pregnant anymore."

"Diagnosis? SEXY."

"Oh, don't look so down. . .after all. . .in every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun, and. . .SNAP! The job's a game. . ."

"All righty now, all sewn up. . .WHERE THE FUCK DID MY ROLEX GO?!?!?"

"Which side did we say, left or right?"

"Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?"

"OK, I've got some good news, and some bad news. The good news is we named a new disease after him. . ."

"That definitely wasn't anesthesia."


"SHIT!!! OK, nobody panic, we can fix this easily, we'll just need a slight change of plans."

"Take one for the team, bro."

"Should we call Ripley's?"

"This is gonna be easy! After all, I did graduate at the top of my class in veterinary college. . ."

"This is just like learning how to ride a bicycle. . .WHOA!!! I guess I still need training wheels. . ."

"This is the part where I always get stuck."

"This patient has already had kids, am I correct?"

"This person's beauty is obviously not on the inside."

"We have to hurry, my flight leaves at 3."

"Wait a minute! That's not his gallbladder!"

"I just finished, and you're telling me this WASN'T a vasectomy???"


"There's a first time for everything, folks."

"We're technically not supposed to smoke in here. . ."

"Whaddaya think, $4.99 a pound?"

"What were you THINKING!?!?!?!?!? Oh well, at least he won't die a virgin. . ."

"You can't mop the floor with that thing!"

"You know, maybe this isn't the best time to celebrate April Fools Day. . ."

"Cue the music."

"Washing your hands just wastes time, you know."

"What's that big beating thing in his chest?"

"Would someone please swat those flies!"

"Why do I feel like this patient is surrounded by a bunch of assassins?"

"This might not be the best time to celebrate April Fools Day. . ."

"You should have been asleep by now. . .this is very unusual."

"Knock him out. He's asking too many questions."

"And now, for our next vic-I mean, patient. . ."

"Nurse, can we hurry this one up? Wheel of Fortune comes on in 22 minutes!"

"Hey, you're the new surgeon, right?"

"You mean this isn't a practice dummy?!"

"Pass me the *hic* knife-it's right *hic* next to that half-empty *hic* bottle o'vodka. . ."

"Being a surgeon is my second job - I'm a butcher at heart."

"Fuck, I think I'm still hungover from last night. . .Well let's get moving! This kidney isn't going to remove itself!"

"Twitter is NOT distracting me! . . .No way, they're dating already? Oh, sister, you can do so much better than him!"

"Pass me The Mutilator."

"Thanks for letting me practice - the real surgeon'll be here in juuust a minute. . ."

"I'll tell you something funny about Dr. Thomas - in his handwriting, the words 'tonsils' and 'genitals' look exactly the same. Funny, huh?"


Too . . . high . . .
If you're proud to be a dragon lover, stick this onto your profile.

90% of teens would have a breakdown if Miley Cyrus was standing at the edge of a six story building. Post this on your page if you would be one of the 10 of people who would be yelling "Jump, jump!"

98% of the world would have a breakdown if Justin Bieber was on the top of the Eiffel Tower saying he's gonna jump. Post this if you're one of the 2% sitting in the front, eating popcorn while yelling, "Do a flip!" Or be the one to push him off, yelling, "Sorry, you took too long!"

If you're really smart, but have a tendency to say some stupid stuff, even if you're really social, post this on your profile, signature, whatever, and let the world know - it's a sort of apology for all the stupid things you will say that will inevitably come out wrong.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, or if this has happened to you, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your head off!

98% of all teenagers do drugs, have sex, or drink alcohol . . . . . post this if you like bagels.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying/retarded/etc., copy and past this into your profile.

99.5%t of teenagers and kids have a Myspace and are literally addicted, if you are the 0.5 who thinks myspace is a dumb way to make friends, relationships, etc. post this onto your profile.

If you've ever fallen asleep in a class, paste this to your profile.

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If several inanimate objects just seem to hate you copy and paste this to your profile.

If you do your homework while watching TV, copy this into your profile.

If you know that Goth and emo are 2 different things, copy this to your profile!

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it copy and paste this into your profile.

I LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT! If that's ever happened to you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think these copy and paste things are stupid, but just like having them, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Charmanders are red,
Squirtles are blue.
If you were a Pokemon
I would choose you.
Your smile is stronger than a Hyper Beam.
Like Jesse and James, we'd make the perfect team.
I'll stay by your side, like Pikachu and Ash.
And I'll love you more then a level 100 Rapidash.
You're more Legendary than Entei, Zapdos, or Mew.
But out of all the 649, I choose you.
Copy and paste this onto your profile if you love Pokémon, especially your own.

The Stairs
Tripped UP
Page if
Put This

ºø„ PARAMORE „øº copy and past if you love Paramore
„øº ROCK ON! ºø„

ºø„ PERCY JACKSON „øº Copy and paste if you love Percy Jackson
„øº IS AWESOME!!! ºø„


Put this on your page if you like music

Don't be a hater!

If mint chocolate chip ice cream is REALLY YUMMY, copy and paste this into your profile (I was mocked in kindergarten for liking it . . . ).

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which makes weird good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy & paste this onto your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile.

If you do not use the typing system as taught and yet your typing system is quite effective, copy and paste this to your profile.

97% of people believe whatever you say as long as you include statistics.



Teen Titans!



Teen Titans!


Teen Titans!



Teen Titans!


Teen Titans!



Teen Titans!
Fans Forever!

Other random things

1. Follow them around the house everywhere.
2. Pretend to have amnesia.
3. Say everything backwards.
4. Run into walls.
5. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.
6. Go into their room at 4 in the morning and say "Good Morning Sunshine!"
7. Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder.
8. Say all of the words in a film.
9. Pluck someone's hair out and yell "DNA!"
10. Wear a sticker that says "I'm retarded!"
11. Talk to a pen.
12. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to ALL the time.
13. Try and climb the wall.
14. Switch the light button on and off for awhile. Then say "Oh...I get it!"
15. Eat your hair.
16. When you shower or bath yell "I'm drowning!"
17. At everything they say yell "LIAR!"
18. Pretend to be a phone.
19. Try to swim in the floor.
20. Tap on their door all night.

10 Ways To Be STUPID:
1. Ask for directions to a place you're already at.
2. Order pizza from McDonald's.
3. Get hit by a parked car.
4. Try to watch Saturday cartoons on Thursday.
5. Try to sell your money.
6. Try (and fail) to play the alphabet on the piano.
7. Eat all-you-can-eat at a store.
8. Get into a fight with yourself, and lose.
9. Try to go swimming without getting wet.
10. Ask for diet water at a restaraunt.

The 10 Commandments of a Teenager:
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. (Why wait that long?)
2) Thou shall not do drugs. (Alcohol lasts longer. Plus, it's cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart. (Walmart has a bigger selection.)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism. (Destruction has a bigger effect, and why the hell would you let yourself get arrested?!)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents. (Everyone knows grandma has more money.)
6) Thou shall not get into fights. (Just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class. (Just take the whole day off.)
8) Thou shall not kiss boys in school. (Kiss them outside instead. [ How about . . . not at all?] )
9) Thou shall not worry about tests. (Just cheat on them; better marks.)
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street. (Just leave them in the middle.)

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity. . . .
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on, and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you're woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone's gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write, "For marijuana."
7. Finish all your sentences with, "In accordance with the prophecy." Or, "in the garden with a meat cleaver."
8. Skip down the hall instead of walking and see how many looks you get.
9. Order diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
10. Specify that your drive-through order is to go.
11. Sing along at the opera.
12. Put mosquito netting around your work are and play tropical sounds all day.
13. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.
14. When money comes out of the ATM, scream, "I won! I won!"
15. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THEY'RE LOOSE!"
16. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we're gonna have to let one of you go."
17. State random quotes and replace all the nouns with the word “vagina”.

Things to do on an Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask, "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug!" then enforce it.


1. The Overachiever
Okay, so this one is pretty obvious. This person checks the class rankings every semester just to make their placement has not budged from number one. Every person in the class is a threat to them, which is ridiculous because no one in the class is nearly as competitive.

2. The Person Who Is "Too Smart But Just Doesn't Try"
Oh we all know someone like this. Blah blah blah. "Sure, I made a 'C' for the first quarter, but it's only because I don't try. I'm too busy doing more intelligent stuff. If I actually tried, I'd be valedictorian, no prob."

3. The Total Slacker
This person made a mistake signing up for this class, thinking AP stood for Absolutely a Piece of Cake. They are capable of the work but are not willing to let things like hard work and studying interfere with their senior year. They'll program answers into their calculators at the last minute or they will find a way to cheat somehow. It's likely they will get caught and if they don't, it's only a matter of time until the next time. (Almost all universities have a zero tolerance policy on cheating.)

4. The Hardworker Who Still Hasn't Grasped All The Concepts In Class Yet (But Will Eventually With Some Persistence)
This person has almost broken down to tears, okay not almost. You've seen this poor soul break down on more than one occasion out of frustration. Maybe this person is you! Hang in there, because if you fit this type, then you're going to pull through this. Ask for help and don't forget to breathe.

5. The Enigma
These people only put in the minimum amount of effort and still get maximum results. They come to class and do their homework and all, but no more than any of their other classes. This stuff just comes naturally to them. They will ace the AP exam in the spring with no problem at all, but don't expect them to do some grueling coffee shop studying with you.

6. The King/Queen Of Extracurriculars
Whether your highness is the soccer team captain, the only soloist in the jazz choir, or the class president, they are never in class and it always seems to be okay with your teacher. Somehow, they're not drowning in work and their eyeballs haven't fallen out of their sockets from studying late nights to "balance it all." This is the future "I Don't Know How She Does It" person.

When relatives have nothing to say, they usually start a conversation with "How's school?"


2) If this is about the bacon incident, just to let you know, IT WASN'T ME.

3) My Social Studies teacher wears brown shoes and my locker number is 278. I hope that answers your question.

4) Hmm. . .think Glee. On crack. Then multiply that by. . .let's say, 100. Yup. That's it in a nutshell.

5) Oh, it's great, great. . .when's dinner?

6) I was told that if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

7) Ah-maze-ing!!!!! But I can’t tell you why because you’ll get angry and call the police.

8) Nit Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!. It could turn out great; it all depends on the hoses.

93. Obsequious.

92. Duller than a bag of yous.

91. You can read all about it in my memoir, Prison of Frowns: One Woman’s Journey. But you will not like what you read.

90. Room temperature.

89. Fragrant at times.

88. It’s totally cow! "Cow" is what us cool kids use as a slang for “Go away, old person. I can’t believe I took my earbuds out for this.”

87. Today we learned in Health that you can get pregnant even if you have sex in a hot tub. So I jotted that down because here I was spending my entire life thinking hot tubs were a foolproof means of birth control. [blank stare]

86. Shh! Can’t talk now. They’re listening...[point to nearby cat or spoon]

85. Euclidean.

84. Haunted for now. But my friends, my electro-crystals, and I are working to change that.

83. School is all like, nyaaaaaa, and I’m all like, vrrrrrrrragh.

82. I'll explain later. Run![run away]

81. It’s about 7 hours.

80. It’s exactly like you heard about on daytime talk shows. Exactly. Be afraid.

79. Great! But our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is up to something. Not sure what yet, but we’ll figure it out by the end of the year.

78. My life is a blank paper and school is my box of crayons. It’s up to me to pick which colors to use, and I’m choosing, “Shut-The-Hell-Up Purple.”

77. Rollicking.

76. It’s a tour de force of drama and laughs in the grand tradition of Oklahoma! and My Fair Lady!

75. Hashtag, "Rowdy!"

74. Flavorful.

73. School is okay. Yesterday we learned that Germany is completely underground and mountains are a type of turtle.

72. Ruffled!

71. Not bad. How’s asking inane questions?

70. Slippy!

69. It’s both funny and sad, like watching a dog get his head stuck in a cereal box.

68. Extremely, dangerously average.

67. No.

66. Just listen to the music of Owl City. It can explain it better than I.

65. It’s like a birthday party that everyone attends ironically.

64. Closed. It’s summer you loon.

63. There’s always gonna be another mountain. I’m always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle. Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose. Ain’t about how fast I get there. Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side. It’s the climb.

62. If I answer in the positive, can I have a dog?

61. Runny.

60. Things are great. I’m not rolling my eyes. My eyes are just super-loose right now because my brain and head are growing so fast thanks to education.

59. Wow. That’s an interesting question. No one has ever asked me that before. Let me think on this for a day and I’ll get back to you.

58. Orange at times. Other times? Less orange.

57. My gang leader says not to tell you anything, so it’s better for both of us if we end this conversation now.

56. It’s like a cloud made of hunger and milk, wrapped in a haircut.

55. It’s pretty awesome now that I finally have the nickname, “Sexer.”

54. You’re asking me that as if you don’t follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.

53. Does this answer your question? [bust out crazy-awesome dance moves]

52. Here. [hand them this list]

51. Here. [hand them a DVD copy of Saved By the Bell]

50. It’s enlightening. Before school, my friends and I talk about education and how to better ourselves. During lunch, we often discuss politics and society. After school we read about math and applied chemistry. And before bed, I like to learn how to play a new instrument. Tonight is oboe night!

49. It’s like last year, but everyone is slightly taller and fuzzier.

48. Better than soggy hammocks, but not quite as great as erotic trees.

47. I’m rubber and you’re glue. [march away]

46. Colder than you’d think, but just as wide as you’d imagine.

45. OMG! So we were taking this test, right, and Trevor, who is just a friend I swearsies, was making me laugh by pretending to eat his fingers and then I laughed and so Mrs. Cameron was all like, “Shh,” but then Trevor was still eating his fingers and so I couldn’t stop giggling and then Jen, who I don’t hang out with but we’re still friends online, was trying to borrow Pete’s phone because her’s was out of battery and then Mrs. Cameron was like, “Eyes on your own paper,” and so Trevor slams his face into his test paper because he was putting his eyes on it and he was so funny and then last night we made out, but only as friends and I’m thinking of becoming a scientist or maybe a hotel manager so there are good schools for that and Tuesday is when Alice Nguyen and I have practice but coach was sick so we just watched Pretty Little Liars, which isn’t as good as it used to be but Alice really likes it so we watched it and made cookies but they got burnt. And yesterday I kinda hurt my ankle. I don’t even know how! And my math teacher is average. Oh, and I saw a hot air balloon five years ago. And I got a B in World Lit. which is not as good as I had hoped. Where are you going? I better follow you in case you get lost. Trevor’s car smells like tacos. It’s the best!!! Want to hear about the time Trevor walked like zombie? There we were in Life Skills...

44. It’s wonderful! I’m learning so much and with each passing day I’m becoming a better human being. Watch out world, ‘cause here I come! [go back to texting your friends in brutal silence]

43. School is okay. It’s the mind spiders that worry me.

42. Roomy.

41. Educational.

40. Predictable.

39. This is about my tongue tattoo, isn’t it? ISN’T IT!??!

38. It’s not bad once you realize creativity is rewarded with mockery and all people are inherently evil. And we’re getting a salad bar in the cafeteria. So...yay!

37. Can we not do this...ever?

36. The teachers are terrific and talented beyond measure, but I’m not living up to my potential. It’s my own fault. Sad, really.

35. The school don’t like it when you steal the phones. Truth.

34. It’s filled with worms that only the unlucky can see.

33. Mmm...it’s delicious! Oh, wait. You said school? I thought you said pie sandwich.

32. Flat, except for the ramps.

31. Mega-okay!

30. Well, there are hallways, you see? And those hallways are lined with metal closets called lockers. There are doors, too, and these doors lead either to a classroom or a gym, or sometimes a library. Humans exist in this realm of doors and hallways, and they communicate with words. There is also electricity and floors.

29. Less fancy than a funeral, but just as awkward and with more crying.

28. Wanna see the penguin I drew in class when I should have been learning? He’s waving his flipper. Haha...[wave back at penguin] Hi!

27. Normal in a very weird and surprising way.

26. Tall!

25. My German teacher is mean and I’m not learning anything, and thus my hopes of being a professional German have been dashed. Looks like it’s either lawyer or doctor for me now.

24. Gross, but in the best way possible.

23. Hold on. Who told you I was in school? That was classified! [talk into your watch or shirt collar] The plan is ruined! Abort Operation: Talon. ABORT! We have been compromised!

22. Rubbery, but worth it.

21. I had Saturday detention with this jock, a nerd, a weirdo, and this mean bully. But get this! The bully, it turned out, was actually a nice guy and so I gave him my earing and we kissed. I guess we’re more than just stereotypes, huh?

20. Someone flushed a sock down the toilet and now that bathroom is off limits. So, we good here? Because I’m going to walk away now and talk to people my own age.

19. It’s a zoo of learning!

18. School? More like drool! Hahahahahahahahaha...[go upstairs to your room but maintain the laughter for two minutes]

17. Costly.

16. My favorite subject is recess!

15. Crunchy at first, but it’s getting chewier and chewier.

14. You're asking all the wrong questions, Nancy Drew.

13. Sore, but also negative-sore.

12. Hmm. I give up. How is it?

11. Daily. But we get weekends off.

10. As Tom Hanks once said, “Lt. Dan! Ice cream!!”

9. Everything will be better and my grades will improve once I learn how to make my Q’s.

8. Diagonal.

7. Um...are you going to buy a yearbook ad or not? Because I don’t have all day.

6. We’re not allowed to answer because of the school board politics. They told us to just nod and smile. [nod, smile]

5. Gooder.

4. Great. And as a preemptive strike, let me go ahead and answer your next questions: My favorite color is blue. I don’t have a boyfriend. Yes, I’m still allergic to wheat. No, I’m not still playing basketball. And while I could explain the difference between American Idol and The Voice, I won't because some things you need to learn on the streets.

3. I asked you first!

2. Fine.

1. Phyne!

20 Things Guys Think About Girls that AREN'T TRUE

1. It takes money to impress us. Not true, guys (unless, of course, you have no other redeeming qualities). If you want to wow us, use your brain. We'd rather be impressed by how much you're paying attention, not how much you're paying.

2. We can’t do math or science. Just like boys, some of us are challenged when it comes to math and science, but this has nothing to do with not having a wiener. Face it, sometimes girls are just as smart, if not more articulate, than guys.

3. We all love pink. Generally, most of us could live without it. Though we do appreciate it in small doses, like in Jolly Rancher form. Watermelon rules!

4. We don’t fart. Sorry, but we do. We totally do and all the time—on trains, buses, in beds (sometimes under covers), in exercise classes, and in line at stores. You smell that? It’s called equality.

5. We don’t take poops either. Girls experience this biological function as well. We poop just like you do, often while reading books and magazines. Sometimes, some of us even bring our laptops to the lavatory and contemplate having a sandwich while sitting there.

6. We’re not good at driving. While we ladies get a bad rap for driving, we think this has nothing to do with gender; it’s about age. Do you really think you dudes are better drivers!?!? This is real life and all sixteen-year-olds usually suck at driving.

7. We dislike it when guys play video games. Not only do we like video games, but we’re also better at them than you are. We just don’t play as much, because we have better things to do, like plan our weddings.

8. We’ve been planning our weddings since childhood. In the movies, the girls always talk about the weddings they’ve been planning since they could talk. But not every girl cares about all those details. Some of us are thinking about other things, like attending graduate school.

9. We can’t be as good at sports as you. Excuse me, but have you seen a girls' fast-pitched softball game? Do you think you could handle that windmill technique?

10. We’re afraid of bugs. Not true. Once my friend popped a cicada right in her mouth like it ain’t no thang. We like all sorts of “scary things,” like movies with killers—we'll even offer our boyfriends a hand to hold during the terrifying scenes.

11. We are boy crazy. We care a lot about other things, like who's coming back for next season’s Downton Abbey, college applications, and preservation of certain forests in the United States. We don’t spend hours fawning around on fainting couches, languishing over the affections of men. In fact, there are days that pass without thinking about any guys at all.

12. All girls want to get married and have children. Some of us have tried babysitting, and it scared the crap out of us. We’re the type of girls who have never had the urge to play with younger cousins or hang out with the neighbor’s baby. That doesn’t make us unfeminine—it just makes us baby-haters!

13. We don’t want to pay for anything. If we really like you, we’ll want to hook you up with some swag, like a movie or a date at Potbelly. While there's something nice about a guy offering to treat, we modern ladies like to make it more equal.

14. We actually shave our legs. How else do you think we keep our legs warm in the winter while wearing skirts and tights? We like our leg hair like we prefer our novels—nice and long.

15. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend. Pretty sure a girl’s best friend and most prized procession is her actual best friend. That being said, diamonds are pretty sweet.

16. Girls only want to date hot guys. We love people with brains, feelings, opinions, and personalities. We’re open to people we’re attracted to, and not just in a physical way.

17. We all like wearing heels. Some of us actually like being able to walk like a regular human being. Forget those stilettos; we generally prefer flat boots so that we don’t fall on our faces. Also, for the record, we don't wear heels when we're shopping—no one ever gets cute to do serious spending. If you're doing damage, then you're in sweatpants and sneakers.

18. We take orders from the guys. Maybe in the old days it was kosher for the women to do whatever her man said, but that's not the deal anymore. Even when we’re just in our teens and dating, we don’t think we need to listen to everything you say—we’re supposed to be friends, not your slaves!

19. Our rooms are very clean. Glad you guys think we have it all together, but the truth is we don’t. We leave our underwear all over the floor. We eat candy bars in bed and leave the wrappers in our sheets. There are clothes on the ground, papers piled in corners, garbage that needs to be taken out, and a bed that always, always needs to be made. Why don’t you take a crack at making it for us?

20. We always mind our manners. Sometimes, we wish this one were actually true. However, more times than not, we have to kick ourselves for letting out a big belch during dinner with grandma and chide ourselves for eating salad with our fingers. We like doing gross things, too!

Crazy is when you have a voice in your head that you named Pedro, even though he clearly isn't Spanish and you just do that to annoy him.
Crazy is when you're so obsessed with eating your Jell-o, but you forgot your spoon, so you try to drink it through a straw.
Crazy is when you start dancing in Wal-Mart to its cheesy music.
Crazy is when you laugh uncontrolable at your own jokes.
Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what is so interesting about the eraser.
Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on.
Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself.
Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do.
Crazy is when you laugh when nothing's funny.
Crazy is when you crack up if someone says "Oatmeal!".
Crazy is when you forget what you're saying in the middle of a sentence.
Crazy is when you take the time to write down stuff like this and memorize it.
Crazy is when your are going through this as a checklist.
Crazy is when you quote Charlie the Unicorn at random moments.
Crazy is when you eat twenty pixie sticks in one day.
Crazy is when your crazy.
Crazy is when start talking nonsense everyday during gym.
Crazy is when you convince your friends you're high, because you can't stop laughing when nothing's funny.
Crazy is when you trip up the stairs, and laugh all the way back down them.
Crazy is when it is last day of school you scream and run around in circles.
Crazy is when you get drunk on air and laugh during the saddest part of the move.
Crazy is when you can call yourself something else, and completely become that person, forgetting your reason for hating the world.
Crazy is when you laugh at nothing during school and laugh when everyone looks at you like your insane.
Crazy is when you trip over nothing at all, fall, and say "I see the ground...it's pretty".

Ways to Annoy people at the cinema:
Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
Go, "Oooooh . . ." whenever anyone kisses.
Clap when the good guy gets killed.
During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"
Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.
Yell out what is going to happen.
Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.
Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.
Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.
Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.
Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.
Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.
Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino . . .)
Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.
Try to start a wave.
Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.
Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.
Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"
Sing with the theme music.
Bring and use your own air freshener.
At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."
Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.
Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.
Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.
Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"
Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.
Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.
Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.
When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"
Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.
Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"
Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.
Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.
Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat!"
Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.
Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.
Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.
Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.
Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room.
Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.
Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"
Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"
Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"
Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can hear it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.
Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.
Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.
Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.
Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the ending.

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't.
this is this cat
this is is cat
this is how cat
this is to cat
this is keep cat
this is a cat
this is retard cat
this is busy cat
this is for cat
this is forty cat
this is seconds cat
Now go back and read the third word of each line. I bet you you'll smile.

Ah, marriage:
Before marriage:
Boy: At last, I can hardly wait!
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: No, don't even think about it!
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course, always!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: No, why are you asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get.
Girl: Will you slap me?
Boy: Heck no, are you crazy?
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes!
Girl: Darling!
After marriage (read it backwards)

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy. (. . . the hell?)
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell .
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenience store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs. (Depends on my mood, honestly . . .)
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin. (I'm not sure about this one at all . . . the pretty part obviously)
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S and B'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention. (Highlights, man. Highlights.)
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I have BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff.
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks. (My mood, dude. Mood.)
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7 .
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black.
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil. (MOOD)
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino. (Kinda - the "not liking the sun" part, I mean.)
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, so I MUST be a wuss.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone
I hang out with TEENAGE DRINKERS and SMOKERS, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social. (. . . honestly, most of the time, I prefer being alone/semi-alone/with few people. :I)
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over -ontrolling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read COMICS, so I MUST be a loser
My mother was FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I'm a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual. (rarely)
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker. (so I'm a fan, what's the big deal???)
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT (I think) so I MUST be weak
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear skirts
I'm a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I'm WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE .
I'm not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser .
I actually CARE about the ENVIRONMENT, so I MUST be a tree hugging hippy. (wat da fuq.)
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-Sue.
I CHAT, so I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE. (Slightly true . . .)
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish (well, no freaking duh.)
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I'm STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I'm GAY so I'm after EVERY straight guy around.
I don't want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love MARCHING BAND, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I grew up in a TOUGH NEIGHBORHOOD, so I MUST be a GANGBANGER. (yeahhhh. . . .no.)
I have ASTHMA, so I MUST need special treatment and be treated differently.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist. (Fire looks cool . . . and so does the smoke.)
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED. (No, I'm a vacuum.)

Asian Complaints
1. We do not comprehend the words “ching chong”.
2. WHAT THE HELL does “ching chong” even mean?!
3. Not all Koreans make nuclear bombs or eat dogs.
4. Just cause you see an Asian person it doesn't mean they're Chinese, they could be Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, Indonesian, Filipino etc.
5. We are not all COMMUNISTS.
6. We don't always eat egg rolls and when we do it's like once in a blue moon.
7. Asian girls with long black hair HATE being called The Grudge or the girl from The Ring. Same goes for Asian guys and being called Grudge boy.
8. Dynasty Express, Panda Express, and China King are not considered “real” Chinese food.
9. We don't use THAT much MSG.
10. Don't ask us to speak our language, we will when we feel like it.
11. We don't know how to translate your name so stop asking cause most likely we can't.
12. Don't ask us to teach you curse words either.
13. Stop trying to pair up Asian guys and girls at your school and say they look cute together. Not all Asians belong together.
14. All Asian countries speak different languages.
15. Just because we're Asian it doesn't mean that we know karate, kung fu, tae kwon do etc. Even though we are probably capable of kicking your butt.
16. Don't say all Asian people look the same, that's like saying all white people look the same, all African Americans look the same and all Hispanics look
the same. When will you realize your stupidity?
17. Surprise! Not all Asians are good at math.
18. Not all Asians are short.
19. Or skinny.
20. By the way, it's VietNAMese, not VietMANese.
21. Not all Asian families run a nail shop although some of them do.
22. Same goes for convenient stores and laundromats.
23. What do you people stare at? Haven't you seen an Asian person before?
24. Just to let you know, it's NOT funny when you tape your eyes up and start speaking gibberish. That just gives us another reason to kick your butt.
25. Go ahead, make fun of us. We'll just make fun of you in our own language.
26. It's ok for us to call each other FOB's but if you call us one you're asking for a beating.
27. Yeah we eat rice, so what? Got rice?
28. Don't fold your hands and bow at us like you know what you're doing cause honestly you look like an idiot.
29. Don't ask if the Chinese use cat in their food, if they did they would label it “cat lo mein” instead of beef lo mein. They don't use cat if you didn't
already guess that by now.
30. No, Yao Ming is not my uncle.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (What other time do I have to work on my hair?).
On a bag of Frito's! You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how. . . ?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's just a “suggestion”, right? Or are you a secret dictator jus trying to “suggest” it).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well . . . a bit late, huh?)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (. . . and you thought?. . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Isn't that the whole point?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to. . .?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash. Or was it supposed to have steak strips?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh . . . fly Delta?)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (. . . was there a lot of this happening somewhere in Sweden?)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm. . . . .something must have gotten lost in the translation . . . )
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Oh sure, go ahead, destroy a universal child belief! I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a BlackMagic children’s stroller: “Warning: Do not fold stroller while child is still seated”. (Is it just me, or is that just weird? Sadist alert.)

[1] I need to tell you a secret. First, look at number 5.
[2] The answer is to look at 11.
[3] Don't get mad and look at 15.
[4] Calm down, don't get mad, look at 13.
[5] First, look at 2.
[6] Don't be that angry, look at 12.
[7] This is a very important message: Go to number 5.
[8] What I wanted to tell you is, THE ANSWER IS AT 14.
[9] Be patient, and look at 4.
[10] This is the last time I'm gonna do this. Go to 7.
[11] I hope you're not mad when I say look at 6.
[12] Sorry, look at 8.
[13] Don't get mad and look at 10.
[14] I don't really know how to say this, but look at 3.
[15] You must be really mad, but look at 9.

Oh, the irony . . .
When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

Important Things I Learned From Rick Riordan
Even cat goddesses like growling at birds.
Underwater kisses are way better than normal ones. (Like, maybe.)
The five elements are earth, air, fire, water, and cheese. (Cheese FTW!)
Children of rival gods can fall in love. (Percabeth.)
No one really knows why the Egyptians wrote without vowels. (LOL, Carter Knee.)
Nemean lions can be defeated with freeze dried ice cream. (DAT OVERGROWN KITTY!)
Eating fruit bats is bad for your health. (Sadie knows.
Contrary to popular belief, hellhounds can be domesticated. (Down, Mrs. O’Leary!)
The Set animal does not appreciate being named Leroy. (But it is a very good name!)
Yes, that twelve year old wearing a silver jacket is a goddess. (Artemis is a fucking BAMF and I will kill anyone who says otherwise.)
Jackal headed gods can be very attractive. (Why helloooo there, Anubis.)
Math teachers really are evil. (Proof.)
Set's secret name is Evil Day.
It's not easy to insult a daughter of Athena. (I knew this before Percy Jackson! Fact. Of. Life.)
Elvis was a magician. No, really. (Totally true)
Do not trust the bald man who wants to sell you a waterbed. (EVER. Or at least get him to try it first.)
Hieroglyphics are fun to read. (I wish I could do that . . .)
A god of toilet paper can actually be really cool. (What would his name be – like, Charmin or something?)
Demons will give you free samples if you ask nicely. (But I hate perfume. DJ
If you hear a voice in your head, you're not crazy - you just have an uber-powerful god living inside you. (Whoooah. Mind-blown. . . .ya see what I did there? :D)

You Know You're a Book Addict If:
You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on. (100%!)
Read the book until 4 AM, then get back up at 7 to continue reading. (YUP.)
You write Fanfictions about the book. (Well, Obviously.)
You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else) to read your favorite books. (I have tried so many times . . . failed AND succeeded)
You accidentally call everyone by the character's names. (No . . .)
Everything reminds you of the book (*splutters* What? Whaa? Pshaw . . .of COURSE not, . . . . Okay, maybe . . . )
You quote random lines all the time. (Oh, totally.)
You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't. (Eh heh . . . . *rubs neck sheepishly*)
You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class. (I need a monster and a sword.)
You have pictures of your favorite characters on your iPod. (No, but that sounds like a brilliant idea . . .)
You've got a book memorized. (Oh yeah, totally.)
You've read a book more than five times. (WAY MORE, BABY!)
You've read a book with 400 pages in less than two days. (Try two HOURS.)
You've planned and prepared a siege on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like. (Well, half/half)
You've plotted to murder a character and steal her boyfriend. (Fictional dudes are better than real.)
You hate it when someone calls your favorite character fictional. (I smacked someone repeatedly with a book . . . a lot . . . )
You blatantly deny it when someone calls a character fictional. (ALWAYS.)
Your idol is a character from a book. (I don't have a REAL idol . . . and not a fictional one, either.)


I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call "normal". I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT, I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Percy Jackson, Artemis Fowl, etc., who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom, PercyJackson-PeetaM-Fang-Fan11, xXxDaughteroftheKingxXx, musiclover99, Kurai Okami

Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions. SO STICK THAT IN YOUR JUICE BOX AND SUCK IT!

What a guy means, when he says some stuff-
"You know how bad my memory is!” Translation: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned…but I forgot your birthday."
“Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's not big deal.” Translation: "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
“Take a breath honey. You work too hard." Translation: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"It'sa guy thing" Translation: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?" Translation: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"It would take too long to " Translation: "I have no idea how it works."
"I cant find it." Translation: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree


If you're creating fanfics, press 1. If you're reading them, press 2. If you're a flamer, don't press anything cause I think you should stop thinking negatively and look on the good side! . . . Just kidding! . . . but seriously, if you do nothing but flame so much you almost burnt your house down, then you have GOT to stop and say something nice!

I may not have the best stories, but I know where the worst are. I mean it has the following unattractive qualities:

OOC-ness: it means out of character. Examples: Annabeth being girly-girly, Percy being a selfish jerk, Grover being a ladies man, Clarisse wearing a dress and lipstick WILLINGLY, Kronos sipping tea while knitting some oven mitts . . . get the idea?
BUT – (there will be a “but” for a lot of things): If the story is a parody or anything like that and the author MENTIONS OOC-ness, then this rule is void. Capeshe?)

Mary Sue: an OC that's waaaay too perfect like: she's beautiful, smart, has amazing powers without even having to train, she's just . . .*gags* PERFECT! It's too unrealistic. Remember, it may be fiction, but it's only good if the people can actually UNDERSTAND. And it's POSSIBLE (at least, the demigods if it's PJO).
BUT – (see above – same reason)

Bad Grammar: I know the English language is pretty hard language . . . but that's what spell checks for! And beta readers (FYI, if you want me, just let me know!)
Yeaaah. . .no “but” for this one.

Author's notes/AN: we all put them there to say "hope you liked it, don't forget to review please..blah blah blah", but none should ever be more than the chapter itself or be inserted while the chapter's going on. EXAMPLE: And he grabbed her hand and told her he loved her (AN: omg wasn't that like so cute!)

Cliched plots: Truth or Dares, chat rooms, Percabeth (though it is awesome, remember, too much of a good thing isn't a good thing), seven of the prophecy, some demigod finds out he's a demigod after his teacher blows up, child of the Big Three, etc.
BUT – if the author mentions it explicitly and blah blah blah.

Saying it's your first fic: Oh my goodness that totally means I have to love it! Not. We're going to criticize you the same way whether it's your first fanfic or thousanth. Mentioning this is perfectly fine, but if you say "u guyz haf 2 go ez on me cuz its mai 1st fan fic nd if u fleme me imma cry lyk ttly!!111!!1!1!!!!!" then. . .yeah, no comment from me. Capeshe?

Begging for Reviews: Begging for them like "REVIEW OR I'LL CUT MYSELF" is like: wow . . . no pressure in that. You don't seem crazy/desperate at all! (Please tell me you found the sarcasm)

"NO FLAMES PLEZ": saying that already makes people think the story is gonna suck. And it's like tattooing on your story to flamers "COME AND FLAME IT!"

"Sooory cudn't think of a title"- ??????? No comment . . .

Bad Summary consists of:

A) Chatspeak. Example: "pecy nd anabth go on datte togethr but o noez monsrters com and riun itz." TIP : the way you present your summary is probably the way your story is written. When you write like the one above, people are probably gonna think that's the way the story's written. And they'll probably not read it. :(

B) "Sorry...I suck at summaries...just read it!": repeat after me: The summary box is your friend. It's there for a reason. USE IT!

C) PERCABETH PERCABETH ALL THE WAY!: Now, while Percabeth's a big fan fave, you gotta say WHAT the story is about, what're they gonna do, etc. But not too much; leave 'em in suspense! MUAH HA HA HA HA! . . . no but if you get them curious they might read it. Sooo . . . yeah.

D) Summary's inside: again, the summary box is there for a reason.
BUT - (haha, I bet you guys thought the "but's" wouldn't appear anymore) sometimes the summary is a few characters too long for the summary box, which I understand. However, if the summary is 500 words long. . .you've got some shortening to do.

Okay guys, I'd hate for you to be thinking "Wow, who does she think she is?" Well, I'm just trying to help the kids not read horrible fanfics and in the future make them too. So please: think of the children.

And guys, if you think my stories contain any of the above and think I'm being a total hypocrite: PM me or write in a review. If you flame me . . . yeah, I'll be pretty bummed but I'll try to look at the ways that person's trying to help me. :)

AU- Alternate Universe
OC- Original Character
OOC- Out of Character
Mary-sue- an all around perfect OC that ruins the whole story.
Gary-Stu: a male version of a Mary-Sue
CC- Constructive criticism
Flames- a comment or review that only points out faults and is stated harshly.
IC- In character
AN- Author's note
R&R- Read & review
POV- Point of view
FYI , I'm gonna try my best not to flame or anything like that, but if your story sucks AND YOU ARE BEING A TOTAL BITCH ABOUT IT, MORE THAN ONCE, or whatever *coughcough, I WILL let you know, and I won't hold back. K?

Other stuff I did when I was bored:


[x]-you're the guy/gal nobody wants to mess with (yeah, that's right!!! No seriously peepz, I got 9 years of taekwondo and karate training under my belt.)
[ ]-you're quite lazy, and don't like the cold
[ ]-you're the biggest in your group of friends (ah. . .medium-small.)
[ ]-you are easily angered, especially when protecting those that are close
[ ]-you are a big eater, and will eat more than everyone else at the table (nooooooopppppeee. XD)
[ ]-you frighten others easily, but get frightened easily yourself
[ ]-you let your muscles do the talking
[x]-you like to eat berries and fish (Not together. Lol)
[ ]-you can sleep for days on end

Points for Bear: 2

[x]-you look out for those that are close to you, and are fiercely loyal
[x]-you prefer to stay in small groups of friends
[x]-you are protective of what you have, and can sometimes be greedy
[x]-you are tough, and can handle smaller injuries
[x]-you are both book-smart and street-smart (Well, I suppose. 4.8 weighted GPA, and I've been told that I have more common sense than other people my age.)
[x]-you like to run in wide-open spaces
[x]-your favourite game was tag as a little kid
[x]-you snarl over things that annoy you
[x]-you enjoy to play-fight

Points for Wolf: 9

[x]-you are very perceptive, and have great vision
[x]-you stay up most or all night
[x]-you don't eat much, but what you do eat sates your hunger
[x]-you are very fast and stealthy
[x]-you prefer to pick your foes off one at a time
[x]-you are double-jointed
[x]-you can move almost silently when the need arises
[x]-you have long sharp finger nails
[x]-you are known as very beautiful

Points for Owl = 9

[x]-you are clever, and let your wits settle your problems
[x]-you are fast, and able to escape danger easily
[x]-you are never the easiest prey in your group
[x]-you are stealthy
[x]-you can get in both your enemy's head and their face
[x]-you are very agile
[x]-you have red hair (Well, yes, technically. It didn't say NATURAL red hair, so I'm going with it.)
[x]-you don't like others being where they're not suppose to be
[x]-you enjoy sneaking up on people

Points for Fox = 9

[ ]-you like to be around a lot of people, and stick with crowds
[x]-you can escape danger with pure speed and endurance
[ ]-most consider you the easiest prey
[x]-you are much faster than a lot of your friends
[x]-most consider you very graceful
[x]-you have very acute senses, especially hearing and smelling
[ ]-you are a vegetarian
[ ]-you love ballet
[/]-gymnastics are your specialty (I'll give it a half, since I've been doing it since I was little, but it isn't my SPECIALTY.)

Points for Deer = 4.5

[x]-nighttime is your time to shine
[ ]-the daylight blinds you a lot
[ ]-you don't see very well or at all
[x]-you'd rather fly than walk (WHO WOULDN'T?)
[x]-you are known as different
[ ]-you have big ears and/or long fingers
[x]-you like hanging upside down
[ ]-you like sleeping during the day
[x]-you're one of a kind

Points for Bat = 5

[x]-you're considered evil and dark (haha, yes.)
[x]-you like areas that are dark
[x]-you practice or want to practice magic or the dark arts
[x]-you prefer candle light over regular light
[/]-your favorite color is black (one of.)
[ ]-you love things that have to do with skulls or death
[x]-you have a demon inside of you struggling to get out.
[x]-you enjoy being alone
[ ]-you hate your parents/siblings

Points for Rat = 6.5

[ ]-you're very timid and skittish around almost anything
[ ]-you're the one most bullies can stuff into a locker
[ ]-cats scare you
[ ]-you have nightmares almost every night
[ ]-you still sleep with a stuffed animal
[ ]-night lights are your best friends
[x]-your meals are quite small
[ ]-you have friends that you can hide behind
[/]-you are known as being quiet and baby cute (quiet, yes. Baby-cute, not so much.)

Points for Mouse = 1.5

[ ]-you're known as being smelly and uncleaned
[ ]-you sleep in trash
[ ]-eating is your favourite sport
[ ]-chocolate and pizza are considered healthier snacks than apples to you
[ ]-you sometimes wear the same clothes for two weeks in a row
[ ]-showers and soap are your worst enemy/nightmares
[ ]-you tend to break wind a lot
[ ]-mud is your best friend
[ ]-your house is a mess but you don't care

Points for Pig = 0

[x]-you're happy-go-lucky and random
[ ]-you love eating bananas
[x]-your looks deceive others
[x]-you love swinging and heights
[x]-you are awesome at climbing trees
[x]-you know how to say things in sign language
[x]-playing is your specialty
[x]-you enjoy joking around
[x]-you can stay awake forever if you wanted to (72 hours currently, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to break that record by writing stories for FF XD)

Points for Monkey = 8

[x]-you love being evil and mean (haha, yuss.)
[x]-you're the type to smash people into a wall
[x]-you carry a knife with you at all costs
[ ]-you've had over 10 girlfriends/boyfriends
[ ]-you've been arrested before
[ ]-you love partying
[ ]-you usually eat your meals whole or chew only twice or so
[x]-leather is epic to you

Points for Snake = 4

Wow. I'm more animal-like than I thought. Got full scores on Wolf and Fox (two of my favorite animals OF ALL TIME :D) and Owl (owls PWN). Sweet! Can't say that I expected to get so much for Rat. Huh. Anyways, glad that I didn't get any on Pig. 0.0


You like being in charge.
You often wish you could just zap someone with a thunderbolt. (oh, hell yeah, plenty of times.)
Your eyes are/you wish they were electric blue.
You love thunderstorms
You think you have what it takes to run for President
You think every problem has a solution.
You love showing off
You like plane rides
If you could have powers, one of them would be lightning.
You wish you could fly.

Total: 7/10


You feel at home in the water.
Your favorite vacation place is at the beach.
You enjoy snorkeling, scuba diving, surfing, etc. (Imma boss at surfing, lol.)
You want to do something about the marine species being abused today.
You visit the local pool on a regular basis.
You swim professionally.
You love seafood.
You never get seasick.
You’d rather ride a boat than a plane.
You are acrophobiac

Total: 7/10


You’re not that much of a people person.
You like staying in the dark and writing.
You experience bad moods on a regular basis.
You like listening to loud, angry music.
You spend most of your time alone.
You think parties are loud and annoying.
You like to keep to yourself.
All your closets are padlocked (or you wish they could be)
You write in diary/journal/blog.
You feel most active at night.

Total: 7/10


You own a garden.
You like the great outdoors.
You have a green thumb.
You’re an environmentalist.
You have a special connection with animals.
You’re a vegetarian.
You like going hiking, camping, and looking at the natural wonders of the world.
You always check a product if it’s environmentally-friendly.
You love going to flower shops.
You think global warming is a threat that must be dealt with.

Total: 5/10


You often start fights.
You yell a lot.
You like watching wrestling.
You’re competitive.
You like reading about war.
You don’t take shit from anybody.
You need anger management.
You never back away from a fight.
Everyone does what you say.
You don’t always think before you do something.

Total: 6/10


You have an insatiable thirst for knowledge.
You’re probably the only person who visit the library on a regular basis.
Half of your Christmas presents last year were books.
You like reading about war
You’re the valedictorian in your class.
You’ve never gotten a grade below 80 in your report card.
You get political jokes without asking people to explain them.
You think it would be better if you were the President.
You have a huge shelf of books at home.
You think vinyl pocket protectors are useful.

Total: 7/10


You’re very creative and artistic.
You like listening to all kinds of music in general.
You always feel sunny and optimistic. (. . .neeewwwp.)
You are talented at drawing.
You like writing poetry.
You can play at least 3 musical instruments.
You like going to art museums.
You almost always win 1st Place in Art Contests.
You have straight A's in Art on your report card.
Your school notebook has more doodles than notes. (. . .eh he he. . .)

Total: 7/10


Apollo can be like an (annoying) little brother sometimes.
A deer is one of your favorite animals
You can shoot targets
You like silver
You like the moon better than the sun
Zoe Nightshade is awesome
You love wild animals
You spend most of your time outdoors.
You love to move around the place
Hunting is not cruel, if it's to hunt down monsters

Total: 10/10 (wow.)


You have a way with tools.
You build awesome things during your free time.
You’re the best at Woodshop in your class.
Metalworking is your forte.
You have your own toolbox.
You often search the Internet to look for pictures of robots.
You’re a techie.
You often have carpentry projects.
You dream of being a carpenter.
You aren’t afraid of fire.

Total: 4/10


Every guy/girl swoons for you.
You like putting on makeup.
You naturally smell good. (I've been told. . .?)
You never experience a bad hair day.
Your favorite activity is clothes-shopping.
You’re always at the front of every trend.
You’re the popular girl/guy at your school.
You’re often invited to parties.
Your motto is ‘It’s never a party without me.”
You look at yourself in the mirror on a regular basis.

Total: 2/10

You’re a prankster.
You get detention on a regular basis.
You’re a speed demon.
You consider yourself restless.
You’re the best speaker in the class.
You like thinking and using your wits.
You’re inventive and resourceful.
You often start arguments.
You’ve never lost a debate.
You like making witty and sarcastic statements.

Total: 7/10


You’re the life of the party
You like wine.
You’ve probably tasted every alcoholic drink out there.
You can finish a martini in less than a minute..
You have a happy, cheerful disposition.
You’re a foodie.
You like going to social events and mingling with people.
You like trying out new food.
You feel that you’re abundant in life.
You think that too much of anything is bad.

Total: 0/10

Let's see here: I'm a hunter of Artemis, and an equal daughter of the Big Three, Athena, Apollo, and Hermes, with a blessing of some sort from Ares, Aphrodite, Hephaestus, and Demeter.

. . . .wat.

I feel special now. :3

Okay, get a piece of paper, and number it 1-8! And don't even think of looking down at the answers, you cheaters.
1. What color are your eyes? [Brown.]
2. Do you have long, medium, or short hair? [Long.]
3. Is your hair blonde, brown, red, or black? [Black, with streaks. Let's stick with black, for the sake of this pointless "quiz".]
4. Do you want an outside wedding, or one in a church? [Outside.]
5. Would you rather have a dog, cat, or bird? [Dog, then cat, then bird . . . depending. (Like, if the bird's an falcon or something.)]
6. Do you like red roses, or white? [Hm . . . . white or red . . . either or, but I prefer white cause I don't see them as often.]
7. What's your favorite color out of silver, blue, or yellow? [Hm . . . silver. Blue's a really close second, though. I love all the colors. Heehee.]
8. Pick a number (1-10) [ah. . .7.5. XD]

Eye Color:
green- creative
blue- strong
brown- active (cool)
hazel- energetic
gray- quiet

Hair Length:
long- smart but act wild (Heh. Awesome.)
medium- You're a CUTIE!
short- fun to be around

Hair Color:
blonde-Cutie! very fun to be around
brown- crazy but people luv ya!
red- funny and outgoing
black- energetic (I suppose . . .)

Wedding Options:
outside- very romantic! (?????)
in a church- traditional

dog- sporty (Obviously.)
cat- sensitive
bird- loud!

Rose Color:
red-sensitive and romantic!
white- peaceful, and loving! ( . . . well, better than sensitive and romantic, I guess . . .)

silver- popular - you act before you think! (popular??? I am NOT popular . . . but the "act before you think" thing's kinda true . . .)
blue- Cutie! You are sweet!
Yellow- Awesome – you are very outgoing!

Whatever number you pick is how many times you will fall in love before marrying. (SEVEN POINT FIVE, WHAT THE FLYING FUCK. Seriously???)


THE "HOTTIE" TEST!! (hey, I didn't come up with the name)
1. Do you have a) dark or b) light hair? [Dark.]
2. For a date, would you rather a) go to a party or b) go out to eat? [Uh . . . party has too many people.]
3. What's your fave color outta a) baby-pink, b) yellow, c) baby-blue, or d) turquoise? [Turquoise.]
4. What's your fave hobby outta a) talking, b) dancing, or c) taking long walks? [Uh . . . not much of a choice there. Long walks.]
5. What's your fave store outta a) Louie Vuitton, b) Coach, or c) Against All Odds? [Uh . . . Coach . . .]
6. Would you rather go to a) Hawaii, b) London, or c) Florida? [Hm . . . London. . . ]
7. In the summer, would you go to a) the beach or b) somewhere cooler (temperature wise)? [Cooler.]
8. What's your birth month? [December.]
9. Would you rather a) chill at home or b) hang out with friends? [Depends on my mood. Probably the former. Depends on which friends.]
10. What's your fave instrument from a) guitar, b) bass, c) drums, and d) the triangle? [Bass, cause I'm learning the guitar right now. But I do want drums.]

1. a. dark= sexy [5points] (Whoa, that was quick..)
b. light = sweet [2 points]

2. a. go to a party = playful [2 points]
b. go out to eat = romantic [5 points] (Ugh.)

3. a. baby-pink = cute [2]
b. yellow = loud [3]
c. baby-blue = cool [5]
d. turquoise = sexy [5] (O.e)

4. a. Talking = active [2]
b. Dancing = determined [2]
c. Taking Long Walks = daring [5] (O . . . kay?)

5. a. Louie Vuitton = tasteful [3]
b. coach = laid back [3] (Sure then . . .)
c. again all odds = stylish [5]

6. a. Hawaii = you like being around people [2]
b. London= You are quiet, and like the cold [3] (Yuppo.)
c. Florida = You like to party! [5]

7.a. beach = tan, likes the sun [5]
b. somewhere cooler = cold and SEXAY [5] (Whaa?

8. a. January = popular [5]
b. February = lovely [2]
c. March = rebellious [5]
d. April = playful [5]
e. May = happy [5]
f. June = warm [5]
g. July = smooth [3]
h. August = fun [5]
i. September = quiet [2]
j. October = out-going [3]
k. November = pimpin' it [5]
l. December = just chillin' [3] (Eeyup.)

9. a. home = quiet, romantic [5] (=.='')
b. go out with friends =crazy [5]

10. a. guitar = eye-catching [5]
b. bass-guitar = mellow [2] (Yeah, probably.)
c. Drums = crazy [5]
d. Triangle = simple [2]


Up to 17: . . . . no comment . . .
18-20: Not bad.
21-35: Rather HOTT (again, I did NOT make this thing)
36 or more: Ow, you BURN! SEXY IS ON THE LOOSE! (apparently this is my result . . . . ????????? Wow . . . did not see that coming . . .)


So, here's how the thing works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool.

Opening Credits: Just a Dream-Nelly (. . .)
Waking Up: Born for This-Paramore (???)
First Day At School: Bulletproof-La Roux (hmm. . .why not?)
Making Your New Best Friend: Where the Lines Overlap-Paramore ( . . . )
Falling In Love: Just the Way You Are-Bruno Mars (aww . . .)
Breaking Up: All the Right Moves-OneRepublic ( . . . I dunno how this would make sense)
Prom: Gotta Be Somebody-Nickelback (. . . not bad)
Graduation: Something 'bout Love-David Archuleta (. . . don't judge me. . . . that's also sorta creepy)
Life's Okay: Just Dance-Lady Gaga ( . . . again, creepy)
Death of a Close Friend: Come down with Love-Allstar Weekend (. . . don't judge me! . . . gee, thanks)
Mental Breakdown: Ignorance-Paramore ( . . . )
Driving: Tonight (I'm lovin' you)-Enrique (???)
Flashback: Fences-Paramore (. . .)
Getting Back Together: The Best Damn Thing-Avril Lavigne (. . . okay then)
Wedding Scene: If Today was Your Last Day-Nickelback (. . . thanks)
Birth of Child: Misery Business-Paramore (. . . gee, thanks)
Car Accident: What the Hell-Avril Lavigne ( . . . possibly)
Final Battle: New Divide-Linkin Park (sweet . . . something epic!)
Death Scene: One Girl Revolution-Superchick ( . . . bit late for that)
Funeral Song: Let the Flames begin-Paramore (. . . gee, thanks)
End Credits: Brick by Boring Brick-Paramore (. . . my iPod hates me, I swear it . . .)
Deleted Scenes: All I wanted-Paramore (. . . hmm . . )

. . . okay, some parts were creepy how it could've been accurate. Some parts are just plain sad. . . and don't judge me with all the Paramore, blame my iPod for choosing all of that! . . . that, and I bought two albums . . . anyway, I might redo this sometime. COPY AND PASTE AND TRY THIS! Also, you should listen to some of these songs.


Basically works the same way as IF YOUR LIFE WERE A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE? Ready and . . . GO!!!
If Today Was Your Last Day, Nickelback (????)

Unbeatable, Pokémon (???????????????)

Brick By Boring Brick, Paramore (????)

Our Song, Taylor Swift (Oo???)

Leave Out All the Rest, Linkin Park ( . . . cool.)

I'd Come for You, Nickelback (:)

Girlfriend, Avril Lavigne (Oe)

Ignorance, Paramore (Not really.)

WHAT IS 2 2?
Tik Tok, Ke$ha (Oo?)

You Belong With Me, Taylor Swift (Yeaaahh . . . I don't roll that way. :P)

Animal I have Become, Three Days Grace (Oh, sh -)

Magic, BoB (Okay?)

Hey, Soul Sister, Train (. . . but . . . I'm the girl. And don't like anyone.)

Born To Be a Winner, Pokémon (??? HAHAHHAHA!!! SWEET!!)

The Best Damn Thing, Avril Lavigne (. . . haha, awesome.)

Bulletproof, La Roux (Oh . . . kay . . . then . . .)

What the Hell, Avril Lavigne (I guess . . .)

Dynamite, Taio Cruz (??)

Airplanes [ft. Haley Williams from Paramore, BoB (Oo?)

My Happy Ending, Avril Lavigne (first off, what's with all the Avril? Second . . . f*ck.)

Tonight [I'm lovin' you, Enrique Iglesias (?????)

Just a Dream, Nelly (if my death was "just a dream", then . . . I'm not dead. :P)

We R Who We R, Ke$ha (. . .)

Break Your Little Heart, All Time Low (???)

Gives You Hell, All-American Rejects (Not really.)

Juliet, LMNT (Wut?)

Just Dance, Lady Gaga (?????)

Like a G6, Far East Movement (oookay then . . .)


. . . you can guess by the title, can you not? KAY, BEGIN!

1. What would you say about your boyfriend?
Misery Business (Acoustic Version), Paramore (Wow . . .)

2. What is the first thing you say in the morning?
Can You Feel the Love Tonight, Elton John (No way.)

3. Your teacher is . . .
Coming Back Around, John Powell (-.-)

4. What's written on your classroom's blackboard?
Ready to Rock, Steve Rushton (Ah . . . no.)

5. How would you describe your next door neighbors ?
Just Dance, Lady Gaga (I don't even know my neighbors.)

6. What would your best friend say about you?
What the Hell, Avril Lavigne (Oo?????)

7. How do you feel right now?
Battling the Green Death, John Powell (uh . . . okay then . . . cool.)

8. What's on your bedside table right now?
Born This Way, Lady Gaga (Wut?)

9. When you open your wardrobe, you see . . .
Fire Burning, Sean Kingston (I don't even have a wardrobe, technically.)

10. What did you say after you last attended a concert?
A Star is Born, The Muses (??)

11. If you had to write a Artemis Fowl FanFiction right now, what would the title be?
Welcome to My Life, Simple Plan (ooh . . . angst . . . that could actually work in book one or something . . .)

12. A song you would sing at your school's talent show would be . . .
Leave Out All the Rest, Linkin Park (Sweet.)

13. Your life's theme song is . . .
Ignorance, Paramore (?)

14. How would you describe what you are doing this moment?
Our Song, Taylor Swift (Oo????)

15. If you had to go and jump off a building, what would your last words be?
Party, Demi Lovato (???)

16. Your motto is . . .
I Don't Miss You At All, Selena Gomez & The Scene (I've never even dated a guy before.)

17. If you could buy anything in this world, you'd buy . . .
Gotta Be Somebody, Nickelback (That makes no sense.)

18. What did you dream about last night?
I'm Only Me When I'm With You, Taylor Swift (Oh, for the love of, why do I have so many "relationship" songs?)

19. Any last words?
Fighter, Christina Aguilera (. . . cool.)

Little more stuff about moi

Pepsi or Coke?: I hate soda.
Soda or Juice?: . . . water. XP (But fine, juice)
7up or Sprite?: I NO LIKE SODA! D: Yellow or Purple?: Purple.
Blue or Green?: Blue
Rock or Rap?: Rock.
TV or Movies?: Uh . . . internet?
Scary or Comedy: Comedy.
Night or Morning?: Night.
Kisses or Hugs?: Neither. XP Especially when your relatives that you didn't even know EXISTED come over to your house for some odd reason.
Life or Death?: I'll tell you when I die.
Up or Down?: . . . uh . . . up?
Noise or Silence?: Silence.
Run or Walk?: Running.
Burger King or McDonald's?: McDonalds. I lurve their chicken nuggets.
Apples or Bananas?: Apples.
Mexican or Italian Food?: Italian.
Winter or Summer?: WINTER. Everybody hates snow, I just don't get it.
Spring or Fall?: Spring.
Chocolate or Candy?: Both.
Chicken or Beef?: Chiiicken.
Left or Right?: Left. Cause if nothing goes right, you gotta go left.
Doritos or Cheetos?: Both.
Cold or Hot?: Cold.
Weird or Normal?: Weird.
Elmo or Ernie?: WUT.
School or No School?: No school.
Meat or Fish?: Uh . . . meat.
Long or Short Nails?: . . . in the middle.
Hot Fudge or Caramel?: CAAARAMEL. :3
Halloween or Christmas?: Christmas.
Pizza or Spaghetti?: Spaghetti.
Scream or Cry?: Uh . . . . . . . scream?
Camera or Digital Camera?: A digital.
Pickles or Cucumbers?: Neither.
Love or Hate?: How about neutral?
Chocolate or Vanilla?: Vanilla FTW. Seriously.
Latte or Espresso?: . . . frappuccino (or however they're spelled).
Outside or Inside?: Outside.
Evil or not Evil?: 50/50.
Clean or Dirty: Clean. (Unless it's something like mud tag.)
Bad or Good?: Wow.
Sunrise or Sunset?: Sunset. It looks . . . cooler.
Truth or Lies?: . . .yeaaah. . .not gonna answer that.
Simple Plan or Good Charlotte: Dunno.
Apples or Oranges?: Apples.
Teacher or Student?: I suck at teaching. And learning. So either-or.
Rich or Poor?: In the middle.
Sports or Reading?: Both.
Cookies or Cake?: Booth.
Town or City?: Either or.
Birds or Horses?: WOW, that's a hard one. If you mean a fat pigeon, then a horse, I guess. Same goes with a pony. But if it's a freaking peregrine falcon or a wild stallion, then I can't decide.
Cats or Dogs?: Dogs! But cats are close second.
Monkeys or Penguins?: PENGUINS!
Rain or Snow?: Snooow.
Sun or Moon?: Moon.
Smart or Dumb?: Smart.
CDs or Mp3 Players: MP3.
Baked or Mashed Potatoes: Both.
Motel or Hotel?: Hotel.
Cars or Buses?: UGH.
Trains or Planes?: UGH.
Forks or Spoons?: Spork. 8D
Family Guy or Simpson's?: Don't watch any.
South Park or SpongeBob?: Don't watch any.
Money or Love?: . . . love, I guess.
Hamburgers or Hotdogs?: Hamburgers.
Nachos or French Fries?: French fries, but nachos are close too.
Blue or Green Eyes?: I want blue eyes. . .
Blonde or Brunette?: I dunno . . . I like my dark hair, but there are slightly less blondes I think.
Converses or Etnies?: What's etnies? I would prefer sneakers . . .
Pen or Pencil?: Depends.
Beach or Pool?: . . . beach.
Dolphins or Whales?: Either.
Drums or Guitars?: Since I'm learning guitar right now, just for something different, drums!
Salt or Pepper?: It depends on what I'm eating.
Basketball or Football?: Basketball. (Flag football's awesome.)
Soccer or Baseball?: Baseball
Skittles or Starbursts?: I lykz both :3
Finding Nemo or Shrek?: Nemo, cause I actually remember what's happened in that movie.
Sausage or Bacon?: Sausage.
Skateboard or Roller Blades?: Both are awesome.
Ferris Wheel or Roller Coaster?: . . .nope. I don't like either.
Wet or Dry?: Dry is for dry personalities.
Circus or Carnival?: To be fair, I really don't like both, because there are a crapload of people at both circuses and carnivals and I HATE CROWDS.
Bath or Shower: Showers. 8D

Note: just because it's on my profile, doesn't mean I do it. Just. Saying.

Whoever's bothered to actually read my entire profile, thanks! And sorry if some things are all squished together, I tried to make it as short as I could. Yeah. . .not really.

Stay tuned for more stories and funny moments! M

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Godbook by TheGreekGoddessAthena reviews
A new thing has come to Olympus; GODBOOK! Statuses, comments, and bitch fights galore! The Olympians are going to realize that what happens on Olympus won't always stay on Olympus. [Minor Athena/Poseidon themes]
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Mary-Sues, OOCness, and an author who just feels like poking fun at random characters. A collection of parodies, each written in a different style. Enjoy. :D
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 18,906 - Reviews: 292 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 8/27/2011 - Published: 9/20/2010 - Complete
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Yes, I'm alive. And I owe a few of you some explaining. Please spare a dozen minutes or so of your time, if you could.
Maple Story - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 496,894 - Reviews: 792 - Favs: 191 - Follows: 117 - Updated: 12/29/2010 - Published: 12/14/2006
Woe and Roses by Laury the Latrator reviews
Jade and Beck: the rocky start we never got to see. Long one-shot. Jade centric. Bade, naturally.
Victorious - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,324 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 13 - Published: 11/28/2010 - Beck O., Jade W. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Overdone Plot Devices by citygirl1116 reviews
Exchange Students, time turners, potions accidents, long-lost twins, mysterious new powers, snogging, more exchange students...
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 17,349 - Reviews: 1453 - Favs: 824 - Follows: 326 - Updated: 9/25/2004 - Published: 3/24/2004 - Harry P.
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Love is Sweetest the 9284th Time reviews
Zack Martin has dated thousands of girls, literally deeming them as socks - easily lost and easily stolen from other people. But when there's this one amazingly nice, sweet, adorable, hot girl, Maya Elizabeth Bennett (yes, he cared enough to find out her full name), Zack decides he'll ask her out, and when he FINALLY succeeds. . .Rated T for language and MAYBE suggestive themes.
Suite Life series - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 29,334 - Reviews: 152 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 6/7/2013 - Published: 1/1/2013 - Zack M., Maya B.
Count to Ten reviews
Based on the episode The Worst Couple. We all know that Beck didn't make it in time to get Jade back - and they broke up. But what if Beck's mind had worked just a little differently? What if he realized his true feelings at that crucial moment? One-shot
Victorious - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 687 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 6/7/2013 - Published: 5/21/2013 - Beck O., Jade W. - Complete
Adventures at Jubilife High reviews
Cynthia. A (somewhat) average girl in a not-so-average school. Her friends range from hyperactive to whiny to slightly emo. And now she has to go with all of them on a camping trip. Oh yeah, along with Pokémon, ranging from elemental dragons to cute, fluffy bunnies. Fun, chaos, panic, and pandemonium ensue. Just another average day. Rated T for language and MAYBE suggestive themes.
Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,832 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/7/2013 - Published: 1/8/2013 - Cynthia/Shirona
A Champion's Run - Unova reviews
When Max's family can't afford to stay in Unova any longer, Max becomes a Trainer to provide money for her mother. However, the job of being a Pokemon Trainer is much, much harder than she thought. Nobody could have anticipated the thought of a notorious and deadly criminal organization out for her blood - literally. This is a semi-Nuzlocke, with Gijinka Pokemon!
Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 8,008 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 6/7/2013 - Published: 6/3/2013
You Still Have Me reviews
Little Jade West learns what it's like to have a real friend for once. One-shot.
Victorious - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 825 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/6/2013 - Jade W., Beck O. - Complete
Tell Me A Story reviews
Jellal is bored one day and asks Erza to tell him a story. She sighs and begins to explain the legendary "Kya". What she doesn't know is that. . .One-shot!
Fairy Tail - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 926 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 4 - Published: 3/31/2013 - Erza S. - Complete
Hated reviews
It's not like he asked for the Kyuubi to be sealed inside him. He wasn't given any choice. Why won't anyone understand? Why is he so hated?
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 165 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/17/2013 - Naruto U. - Complete
Promise Me reviews
Jellal is being arrested, and there isn't anything that anyone can do about it. But before Jellal leaves, there are a few things he wants to say. . .One-shot
Fairy Tail - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,026 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/10/2013 - Erza S., Jellal F./Siegrain - Complete
You Can't Do Everything reviews
We've all heard of the Pokémon masters. Champions, heroes, and even kings. As powerful as they are, though. . .there are just some jobs that even they can't take on.
Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 585 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 3/7/2013
Of Strawcheeseflés and Pandemonium reviews
Jellal has a problem. Erza's finished her solo quest and is coming back to Fairy Tail. Not a big deal, right? But see, the thing is, it's her birthday. And he kinda likes her. . .ah, REALLY likes her. She likes different desserts - so he gets the bright idea to mix them all together! Unfortunately, it's Fairy Tail we're talking about, and things get a LITTLE hectic. Just a little.
Fairy Tail - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,784 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 3/4/2013 - Published: 2/26/2013 - Erza S., Jellal F./Siegrain - Complete
Fiancee? reviews
Jellal was ready to slap himself over and over once the words flew out of his stupid mouth. "I can't. . .I have a fiancee." Drabble, based on chapter 264 of Fairy Tail.
Fairy Tail - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 153 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/22/2013 - Erza S., Jellal F./Siegrain - Complete
Secret Bliss reviews
Anubis, the God of Death is in love with a certain blue-eyed magician. The problem is, though, "Jackal Boy" doesn't know how to deal with this new feeling, and isn't ready to tell her. Will he express his feelings in his own special way? Does that certain girl reciprocate his feelings? One-shot.
Kane Chronicles - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,615 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 2/21/2013 - Published: 2/19/2013 - Sadie K., Anubis - Complete
Questions reviews
Maya is feeling especially uncertain one night. Zack, however, uses a different method to make her happy again. . .One-shot.
Suite Life series - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 470 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 2/21/2013 - Published: 1/31/2013 - Zack M., Maya B. - Complete