Poll: How many chapters should my story Halt goes to the Dentist be? Vote Now!
Author has written 23 stories for Ranger's Apprentice, 310 series, Person of Interest, Inheritance Cycle, Septimus Heap, Sherlock, Doctor Who, Supernatural, and Stardust.
For those of you who read my story Reading the Kings of Clonmel, it has been taken done by FF net for breaking the rules. I might edit out the rule-breaking parts or post it on another fanfiction website. I will post a link on here if/when that happens.
Hi! I live in the northern US. You can call me Xayh or Xayhra. (I made the name up.) Here are some more things about me:
Real Name: I'll give you a hint. It either starts with the letter A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y, or Z. Good luck!
Age: 13 . . . possibly . . . I don't really know. Oh! Hey! I bet Halt knows! Me: *yells* Hey! Halt! Can I ask you a question? Halt: *shouts back* You just did. Me: Oh, yeah . . . *forgets original question*
Favorite Books: Ranger's Apprentice, The Inheritance Cycle, Skulduggery Pleasant, Angelfire, Septimus Heap, and tons more.
Favorite bands/singers: Coldplay, Within Temptation, Hurts, The Fray, Lifehouse, and others I can't remember at the moment.
Favorite TV shows: Person of Interest, Once Upon a Time, Doctor Who, Sherlock, Supernatural, Castle, House M.D., and some more.
I feel like I should put more stuff on here, but I don't know what. . . Just go with it!!! (As my best friend would say.)
Good news!!! My best friend (see above) just got an account! It's Morea24! Please check it out!
OK. This is something my friend Aaron said. "May the Force be with you. But if it's not buy some more on Force.com." There is no such thing as force.com.
Morea24's and Xayhra's Saturday Night Ranbdomness!!! (I meant Randomness! Ohlalala) 2/16/13
So, I went over to Morea's(Now known as M 'cause I'm lazy) house. And the first SNR is on M's profile. And I was petting M's cat Stormy, while M told me about her day. Um, yep, you get the picture. Boring. Sorry, M. Just Kidding. Anyways then M and I went to her room and Sparkey (M's 14-year-old dog who acts like he's 5) followed us. So, if you read the last one, I said "it's the Random Man!" So, M and I sat on her bed and were talking and I was petting Sparkey and Sparkey was trying to lick my face. M said, "Oooooh, what's with you and the RM?" And we made up RANDOM SCENARIOS!!! Always fun! Anyways one of the things went like is:
M: I'm just saying this so like after college and stuff we should like live in the same house so we can work on our books together.
X: Yeah, we should. You'd have to put up with my wild animals.
M: As long as they don't eat my horses and dogs and stuff.
X: They won't. (five minutes later BOOM!!!- by M)
M: What if we had two tigers and we went to the store and I went in and you were just standing there holding the tigers and petting them like dogs and I went in the store and this like really cute guy was there and he said he wanted to see me and I gave him my address and he comes over the next day and he sees all the animals and is like is this the right house.
X: But like you appear and tell him all the animals names 'And this is my boa constrictor, but don't touch him because he doesn't like strangers. . . .'
M: that would be so weird.
Anyways, that wasn't so good as last time but mostly 'cause I don't remember the details of the rest. It was really funny though.
Copy and Paste
HOW COULD YOU? - By Jim Willis, 2001
When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub.
My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.
Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.
Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.
There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog ," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.
I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the 2 nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago & made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads & asked "How could you?"
They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.
When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.
As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"
Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her . It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.
A Note from the Author: If "How Could You?" brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American & Canadian animal shelters. Please use this to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that the decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, and encourage all spay & neuter campaigns in order to prevent unwanted animals.
Please pass this on to everyone, not to hurt them or make them sad, but it could save maybe, even one, unwanted pet.
Remember...They love UNCONDITIONALLY.
This is another one of God's amazing stories. A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to cry. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won't repost it? Repost this if you truly believe in God.You have nothing to lose if you believe in God. You have a soul to lose by not believing...
This is How you KNOW you're obsessed with Ranger's Apprentice.
1. You can quote almost all of the dialogue.
2. You can hear Wills' voice in your head.
3. You just KNOW Halt's also in your head, telling Wills' voice to shut up.
4. You've memorized "Greybeard Halt" *Adds to To Do list*
5. You want a bow and arrow set. I do own one actually.
6. You actually dream about Ranger's Apprentice.
7. You're reading this right now.
8. You sneak around, trying to scare people like you're a ranger.
9. You want to be a ranger. How did you know???
10. You read Ranger's Apprentice and now you think being short is SO COOL!!
11. You write fanfiction for Ranger's Apprentice.
12. You think it would be fun to be Wills' apprentice.
13. Now you're sad because you aren't.
14. But you imagine yourself as his apprentice.
15. Now you're grinning like a moron.
16. The front left side of your brain is constantly saying, "Rangers Rangers RANGERS! MUST! READ! RANGER'S! APPRENTICE!!"
17. You'd LURVE to meet John Flanagan.
18. You happen to know that there's a contest to do so.
19. You're now jumping up and down, fangirl shrieking about meeting Flanagan.
20. You're going to enter the contest.
21. You're sad because the contest is over.
22. You want to kill me for telling you about a contest that's over.
23. You call John Flanagan "Flanny" sometimes. Not really. . .
24. You'd rather read Ranger's Apprentice than do your homework.
25. You'd rather read Ranger's Apprentice than watch TV.
26. You always want to read Ranger's Apprentice.
27. You want there to be a Ranger's Apprentice comic book. *Falls on knees* "Please, Mr. Flanagan, please!!!"
28. You'd actually tackle glomp someone if they had a Ranger's Apprentice comic book.
29. You'd cry with joy if you got to have a Ranger's Apprentice comic book.
30. You'd cry in despair if the comic book got damaged in any way.
31. You just KNOW that the Ranger's Apprentice books radiate power.
32. You accidently called your brother "Horace" yesterday.
33. If you had a munchkin cat you'd name him "Will" Awww, that would be sooo cute!
34. You want to warp yourself into the Ranger's Apprentice world so you can replace Alyss. I've never really thought of Will as cute. . .
35. You're smiling and nodding while you read this.
36. You CANNOT WAIT ANOTHER SECOND for the Ranger's Apprentice movie.
37. You want to see the Ranger's Apprentice movie in the theater.
38. You're going to spend the whole movie going fangirl.
39. You're going to have a hard time not fangirl squealing during the film.
40. You know it's the truth.
41. One of the reasons that you can't wait to see the film is so you can go fangirl and scream at your friends about how cute Will is.
42. He really is adorable.
43. Your parents want you to shut up about Ranger's Apprentice already.
44. They really really want you to.
45. Now you're going to post this list in your profile with everything you've actually done or thought in bold letters.
46. You just hit copy.
47. Don't lie, you know you did.
48. You're thinking about Ranger's Apprentice again.
49. You even know the names of the background characters.
50. Now you're sad because there are SO many other things that can prove you're obsessed with Ranger's Apprentice.
You're driving home from work next Monday after a long day. You tune in your radio. You hear a blurb about a little village in India where some villagers have died suddenly, strangely of a flu that has never been seen before. It's not influenza, but three or four people are dead, and it's kind of interesting, and they are sending some doctors over there to investigate it. You don't think much about it, but coming home from church on Sunday you hear another radio spot. Only they say it's not three villagers, it's 30,000 villagers in the back hills of this particular area of India, and it's on TV that night. CNN runs a little blurb: people are heading there from the disease center in Atlanta because this disease strain has never been seen before.
By Monday morning when you get up, it's the lead story. It's not just India; it's Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran, and before you know it, you're hearing this story everywhere, and they have now coined it as "the mystery flu." The President has made some comment that he and his family are praying and hoping that all will go well over there. But everyone is wondering, "How are we going to contain it?"
That's when the President of France makes an announcement that shocks Europe. He is closing their borders. No flights from India, Pakistan, or any of the countries where this thing has been seen. And that's why that night you are watching a little bit of CNN before going to bed. Your jaw hits your chest when a weeping woman is translated into English from a French news program. There's a man lying in a hospital in Paris, dying of the mystery flu. It has come to Europe.
Panic strikes. As best they can tell, after contracting the disease, you have it for a week before you even know it. Then you have four days of unbelievable symptoms. And then you die. Britain closes its borders, but it's too late. South Hampton, Liverpool, North Hampton, and it's Tuesday morning when the President of the United States makes the following announcement: "Due to a national-security risk, all flights to and from Europe and Asia have been canceled. If your loved ones are overseas, I'm sorry. They cannot come back until we find a cure for this thing.
Within four days, our nation has been plunged into an unbelievable fear. People are wondering, "What if it comes to this country?" And preachers on Tuesday are saying it's the scourge of God. It's Wednesday night, and you are at a church prayer meeting when somebody runs in from the parking lot and yells, "Turn on a radio, turn on a radio!" and while everyone in the church listens to a transistor radio with a microphone stuck up to it, the announcement is made. Two women are lying int a Long Island hospital, dying from the mystery flu. Within hours it seems, the disease envelops the country.
People are working around the clock, trying to find an antidote. Nothing is working California, Oregon, Arizona, Florida, Massachusetts. It's as though it's just sweeping in from the borders.
And then all of a sudden the news comes out. The code has been broken. A cure can be found. A vaccine can be made. It's going to take the blood of somebody who hasn't been infected an so, sure enough, all through the Midwest, through all those channels of emergency broadcasting, everyone is asked to do one simple thing: Go to your down-town hospital an have your blood analyzed. That's all we ask of you. When you hear the sirens go off in your neighborhood, please make your way quickly, quietly, and safely to the hospitals.
Sure enough, when you and your family get down there late on that Friday night, there is a long line, and they've got nurses and doctors coming out and pricking fingers and taking blood and putting labels on it. Your spouse and your kids are out there, and they take your blood and say, "wait here in the parking lot, and if we call your name you can be dismissed and go home. You stand around, scared, with your neighbors, wondering what on earth is going on, and if this is the end of the world.
Suddenly, a young an runs out of the hospital screaming. He's yelling a name and waving a clipboard. What? He yells it again! And your son tugs on your jacket and says, "Daddy, that's me." Before you know it, they have grabbed your boy. "Wait a minute. Hold on!" And they say, "It's okay, his blood is clean. His blood is pure. We want to make sure he doesn't have the disease. We think he has the right blood type."
Five tense minutes later, out come the doctors and nurses crying and hugging one another- some are even crying. It's the first time you have seen anybody laugh in a week, and an old doctor runs up to you and says, "Thank you, sir. Your son's blood is perfect. It's clean, it is pure, and we can make the vaccine."
As the word begins to spread all across that parking lot full of folks, people are screaming and praying and laughing and crying. But then the gray-haired doctor pulls you and your wife aside and says, ""May we see you for a moment? We didn't realize that the donor would be a minor and we... we need you to sign a consent for."
You begin to sigh, and then you see that the box for the number of pints of blood to be taken is empty. "H-h-how many pints?" And that is when the old doctor's smile fades, and he says, "We had no idea it would be a little child. We weren't prepared. We need it all!" "But... but... I don't understand. He's my only son!" "We are talking about the whole world here. Please sign We... we... need to hurry!"
"But can't you give him a transfusion?" "If we had clean blood we would. Please, will you please sign?"
In numb silence you do. Then they say, "Would you like to have a moment with him before we begin?"
Could you walk back? Could you walk back to that room where he sits on a table saying, "Daddy? Mommy? What's going on?" Could you take his hands and say, "Son, your mommy and I love you, and we would never, ever let anything happen to you that didn't just have to be! Do you understand that?" And when the old doctor comes back and says, "I'm sorry, we've got to get started. People all over the world are dying," could you leave? Could you walk out while he is saying, "Dad? Mom? Dad? Why... why have you abandoned me?"
And then next week, when they have the ceremony to honor your son, and some folks sleep through it, and some folks don't even bother to come because they have better things to do, and some folks come with a pretentious smile and just pretend to care, would you want to jump up and say, "EXCUSE ME! MY SON DIED FOR YOU! DON'T YOU EVEN CARE? DOES IT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?"
I wonder if this is what God wants to say? "MY SON DIED FOR YOU! DOES IT MEAN NOTHING? DON'T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I CARE?"
-From Matthew Kelly's book, Rediscovering Catholicism. If this horrified you in any way or made your heart ache, copy and paste this in your profile.
I'm smiling. That alone should scare you.
If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile. (Several people actually)
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you are part of the 0. 0000001 percent of people who don't have a Facebook, copy this onto your profile.
98 percent of authors confuse "you're" and "your". If you're one of the 2 percent who knows how to tell them apart, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this into your profile.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this to your profile.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism.
I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace or Facebook, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't ever been asked out. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone.: Iheartjake1220, FaerieRose13, Dancer4Life15, Marigold Winters, SparklingTopazEyes, my name is paper YAH, Sakurablossom24, Rhianna224, Kisa T. Sohma, Lone-wolf761,charmed4lifekaren, Princess Marauder, iheartmwpp, FerbulousGirl, PFTones3482,Triplethreat123, AreiaCananaid, Xayhra
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them.
Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution."
When in doubt, push random buttons!
Everyone brings happiness to this house: Some in coming, some in leaving.
Ways to Annoy people at the cinema:
Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.
Clap when the good guy gets killed.
During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"
Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.
Yell out what is going to happen.
Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.
Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.
Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.
Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.
Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.
Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.
Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...)
Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.
Try to start a wave.
Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first
Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.
Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"
Sing with the theme music.
Bring and use your own air freshener.
At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."
Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.
Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.
Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.
Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"
Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.
Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.
Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.
When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"
Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.
Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"
Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.
Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.
Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"
Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.
Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.
Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themselves.
Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.
Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theater room.
Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.
Bring a water gun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"
Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"
Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"
Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.
Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.
Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.
Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.
Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end
18 Things to do when you're in Walmart!
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!", or "I choose YOU, PIKACHU!!"
16. Have a friend push you down the aisle in a shopping cart as you yell "THE REDNECKS ARE COMING! THE REDNECKS ARE COMING!"
17. Shout at the top of your lungs "WALDEMORT IS TAKING OVER!" and count how many people turn to look at you.
18. Go down the candy isles screaming "WHY DOES MY TOOTH HURT?"
7 Ways to scare your roommates
7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."
6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.
4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you’re hungry.
2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."
Sarcasm- a way to insult stupid people without them knowing it.
Don't steal, the government doesn't like competition.
"Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?"
You Know You're a Book Addict If:
You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on. (I think I know books better than life itself. *stare off into space philosophically*)
Read the book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading. (Story of my life.)
You write fanfictions about the book. (NOOOOO...)
You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else) to read your favorite books.
You accidentally call everyone by the character's names.
Everything reminds you of the book. (And the rest if my fandoms. . . .)
You quote random lines all the time.
You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't.
You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class.
You have pictures of your favorite characters on your iPod. (on my ipad. Don't have an iPod)
You've got a book memorized.
You've read a book more than five times.
You've read a book with 400 pages in less than two days. (Your kidding right? More like a 1000.)
You've planned and prepared a siege on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like. (*rubs hands together evilly*)
You hate it when someone calls your favorite character fictional. (Every time.)
You blatantly deny it when someone calls a character fictional.
Your idol is a character from a book.
Things you are NOT allowed to do in Ranger's Apprentice, and what will happen to you if you do.
1. You are NOT allowed to sing "Greybeard Halt". Halt will make you spend the night in a tree. A PINE tree O.O
2. You are NOT allowed to answer a question with another question. Halt will glare at you and make you feel stupid.
3. You are NOT allowed to say "But I thought..." Halt will say "you're and apprentice. You're not supposed to think" or "If you thought about it, you wouldn't ask"
4. You are NOT allowed to give Tug more than one apple a day. Halt will say "One is quite enough." Tug however, will tend to dissagree.
5. You are NOT allowed to question Halt's skills for ANY reason. Odds are he'll kill you. Painfully.
6. You are NOT allowed to tell anyone that Halt's not really grim all the time. He'll knock you into next week and then kill you.
7. You are NOT allowed to sing "We're off to see the wizard" on your way to visit Malcolm. He'll turn you into a lizard.
8. You are NOT allowed to send your Christmas wishlist to Erak. He'll brain you with a battleaxe. After stealing everything on the list.
9. You are NOT allowed to sing "Santa's comin' to town" when you see Erak coming. He'll brain you with a battleaxe.
10. You are NOT allowed to ask why, exactly, Keren's name is Keren. He'll hypnotize you.
11. You are NOT allowed to sing "Dude looks like a lady" when you see Keren. He'll throw a blue rock at you.
12. You are NOT allowed to hum the James Bond theme while tracking things with Halt. He'll shoot you with an arrow.
13. You are NOT allowed to hum alien music as you near Healers Clearing. Malcolm will kill you.
14. You are NOT allowed to use the "Green Giant" jingle when you see Trobar. He'll steal your puppy.
15. You are NOT allowed to to talk about your wonderful recipe for clam chowder in Skandia. You'll be brained.
16. You are NOT allowed to ice skate on the pond in Skandia. You'll be assigned to the paddles (But hey, at least you'll get to stare at Will)
17. You are NOT allowed to kill Alyss and Evanlyn when they stare at Will with you. Will will NOT marry you (Shame...)
18. You are NOT allowed to sing the munchkin theme song around Will. He'll shoot you.
19. You are NOT allowed to call Halt "Lucky the Leprechaun" he'll kill you.
20. You are NOT allowed to ask Will about Crocodiles. He'll think you've gone mad.
21. You are NOT allowed to ask Halt to do an impersonation of Demo Man. He'll shoot you.
22. You are NOT allowed to switch Halt's coffee to decaf. You will die a slow painful death.
23. You are NOT allowed to oil the hinges on the door of Halt's cabin. He'll kill you if the intruders don't.
24. You are NOT allowed to threaten Will. Horace will challenge you to single combat and stick you with his dagger.
25. You are NOT allowed to ride Tug. He will throw you off and Will will shoot you for trying to steal his horse.
26. You are NOT allowed to write out the key to the Couriers Code. Crowley will rant and shoot you so full of arrows you will be remembered in death as 'The Porcupine'.
27. You are NOT allowed to fight a mad axeman with only your two knives. Gilan will throw you off a cliff so that he doesn't have clean up the mess.
"Oatmeal raisin cookies looking like chocolate chip are the main reason I have trust issues" - I got this from xXLoveisOverratedXx who got it from SeekerMaxia, who got this from Bralt who got this from somewhere else.
There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I, however, have erased this line.
SARCASM is just another free service I offer.
This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress? (Very good question. . . .)
And this one-
(\_/) PUT THIS ON YOUR PAGE
THIS IS IMPORTANT!
Mommy I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.
You know what Mommy I'm a girl!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too and I cry with you
even though you can't hear me.
Mommy my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.
You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel. Mommy,
I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it?
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!
Mommy I am okay.
I am in God's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.
If you're against abortion, re-post this
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
All the good ones are gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.
This is just random things that I feel like putting on here. Read at your own risk! My favorite quotes will be in here too.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. I dunno. I saw it on someone's page.
"He lied. He said he was greater then God. No one is." Some little girl on an episode of Law and Order: SVU I watched a couple days ago.
“We are all born ignorant, but it takes lots of hard work to become stupid.”-Benjamin Franklin
"I would prefer if you did that somewhere else." "People look at me weird when I do it in the park." Finch and Mr. Reese when he is cleaning a big gun in the Library.
"I made the grievous error of buying Bear a squeaky toy." Finch
"Before you say anything, I would suggest you remember I am holding an ax." Sherlock Holmes to Joan Watson in Elementary--something along those lines, anyway.
Oops! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?
Friday and Saturday Night Email Randomness!!!
Here will be Morea24 and mine's emails!
M:I got three new books today!!!
X:Really??? What are they??? Who gave them to you???
M:Born at midnight
X:No Way!!! OMG!!! So awesome!!! Read as soon as possible please!!! I looooooooooooovveee Halt!!! *Starts jumping up and down and screaming like a demented fangirl.*
M:lol Says, while patting the fangirl on the head, "Halt loves you too."
X*grins* I don't love him in a you-know-what kinda way 'cause he's like 60, but he's soooo epic and sarcastic!!!
M:in the first book he is only fifteen oh lala ;)
M:sorry I only read the back one time
X:Well you will soon become obsessed with the epicness of Halt! Like me! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. . . .!!! *STARTS SINGING* "It's Halt, the Ranger of epicness!!! Oh yeah!"
M:Xayhra, this is very urgent RANDOM MAN is here
X:No!!!! *keeps munching on raspberry M&Ms* (After a few minutes) Sooooo. . . Has RM gotten you yet I mean I really can't have somebody that inefficient in my employment.
M:were ow were has Xayh gone ow were could she be?
X:Oh, it's working! *suddenly yells* "RM, you forgot the burning acid, again!!!"
M:you sent him yah he tied me up with yarn
X:Yarn? What happened to the poisonous rope?
M:he broke it.
X:I paid $100 for that! And I can't find the Iron Maiden!
M:he brought it and dropped it it shattered sort of
X:I paid $5,000,000 for that! What about my Professional Finger Nail Ripper-Offer as seen on TV?
M:hang on let me ask him--okay he says that he dropped that down the air vent
X:Honestly! I paid 4 easy payments of $19.99 for that! What about my Complete Cauldron for All Things from Angela?
M: he says that it is behind you in your office
X:Oh I thought that was Prince's bathtub! And he still has suds on him! The Hose of Death has stopped working! RM!!! (Prince is Morea's favorite horse)
M:okay so he wants his orders again he forgot them
X:You're kidding me! I told you 10 times! Torture her into reading The Ruins of Gorlan immediately! sheesh!
M:make him stop please he is singing Justin Bieber! the pain!
X:BBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, BBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
M: the stario broke he has nothing to sing along to
X:luckily I have invented YouTube! Fine. Sing Call Me Maybe without the Internet or Radio.
M:I don't know that one!!
X:hey! I just met you so call me maybe! try the duck song Oh come on! don't you know the duck song?
M: no one not even Morea is deserves to here that song. he says he quits he wants a real job
X:Well, he has to come to my office to sign the release papers. before I send this you swear you hear "I think I have a spare Iron Maiden lying around here somewhere. . ."
M:did you send this assassin person 'cause RM left to go to the office but this guy wants to drag me to you!!??
X:Oh! that's Galby's OOC self! *Meanwhile* "Are you absolutely sure you want to quit RM?" *gently eases door to Iron Maiden a little more shut*
M:yes I quit or I get a real job.
X:OK I give you real job. Kill the President.
X:No Steve Jobs! The president of Apple!
M:I cant kill the president! Please give me another try with Morea.
X: No. (after pause in conversation. M's computer was messing up.) Morea? I thought I told Galbatorix NOT to kill you!
M:no he just had the ordasity to throw my computer. it almost broke.
X:Galby! I need to tone your OOC-ness up a bit.
M:(he asks what does OOC mean?)
X:Galby or Morea? Out Of Character. Example: Normal Galby: MWAHAHA *STABS NASUADA* OOC Galby: *screams* NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! IT'S A BUNNY!!! IT'S GOING TO KILL ME!!!
M:okay that makes total sense. hey um Xayh I am almost to your house so like i am really tried Galbatorix made me walk.
X:Good Galby. *Pulls out iron maiden* RM, on the other hand. . .
M:Hi Xayh so um...
M:Please let me go... why am I here?
X:You know, I don't really know why you're here.
M:Neither do I.
X:All right you may go.
M:thank you for releasing me.
X: *Mutters* that's what you think. . . .
So what do you think? I was joking. I wouldn't really kill Steve Jobs or Obama. (Although some days. . .) Note: I did not know that Steve Jobs was dead when I wrote this.
In no particular order:
2: Sherlock (BBC's Sherlock)
3: Tenth Doctor
4: Mr. Reese
Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before?
Finch/Angela? No. And I hope I never do.
Do you think Four is hot? How hot?
Mr. Reese? What girl doesn't?
What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
Rory got Donna pregnant? Amy would kill Donna and I would kill Rory.
Do you recall any fics about Nine?
Dean. Yeah, like tons.
Would Two and Six make a good couple?
Sherlock and Finch? No. Mostly because that is slash.
Five/Nine or Five/Ten?
Rose/Dean or Rose/Arya? I can't see either but Rose/Dean is more believable.
What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve in an awkward situation?
Moriarty walked in on Sherlock and Rory having an awkward situation? Moriarty probably caused this awkward situation, but if he didn't, he'd probably take pictures/video to blackmail Sherlock later.
Make up a summary of a Three/Ten fic.
The Doctor and Arya? The Doctor takes the TARDIS to a planet he's never visited before and it turns out Galbatorix is the Master so the Doctor teams up with the Varden and Arya becomes his companion.
Is there such a thing as One/Eight fluff?
Halt/Donna? No, just no.
Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic.
Moriarty/Will. . . . I Didn't Really Kill Your Parents.
What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to go out with One?
Mr. Reese to go out with Halt? No. That is plain WRONG.
Does anyone on your Friends List read Three slash?
A Tenth Doctor slash? I hope not, but I wouldn't be surprised.
Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?
Angela? Well, I do. And I don't really know what this friends list thing is. . . .
Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?
Sherlock, Mr. Reese, and Rose? No, that would be a very weird fic. I'm tempted to write it. . . .
What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion?
Arya? I don't think Arya screams.
If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?
Hmm . . . Donna. . . . Stay by Hurts?
If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?
Halt, Finch, and Rory fic? Absolute crack!
What might be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two?
Arya to use on Sherlock? Ummm, I'm not good at pick up lines. . . .
1) You're out on a night out with 8 when you're savagely and drunkenly attacked by 2. What does 8 do?
I'm out one night with Donna and Sherlock attacks us. . . . Donna grabs a convenient beer bottle and hits Sherlock in the head with it.
2) What would happen if 9 got 5 pregnant?
Dean got Rose pregnant? Well, actually, it wasn't Dean. It was a shapeshifter that looked like Dean.
3) 6 and 11 go to a strip club. What happens?
Finch and Angela go to a strip club? Not on your life. Mr. Reese would have a mad laughing fit then die of a heart attack.
4) 7 and 12 are making out when 4 walks in. What's 4's reaction?
Moriarty and Rory are making out when Mr. Reese walks in? That's disgusting and hilarious at the same time. Eyes widen and quickly and silently leaves room.
5) 10 falls in love with 3. 1 is jealous, what happens?
Arya is in love with the Doctor and Halt is jealous. There are so many things wrong with that statement.
6) 4 pulls up beside you, and offers you a lift. Will you take it?
Mr. Reese offers me a lift? Yeah!
7) Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Finch is afraid of Moriarty because Moriarty just so happens to be a psychopathic criminal.
8) 10 is getting ready to marry 5, when 9 runs in to stop the ceremony. What is 9's reason?
Arya is going to marry Rose and Dean runs in to stop the ceremony. . . . Because that's gross.
9) Give a title of a romance movie about 3 and 12.
Romance about The Doctor and Rory? Warning: Thou Shall Be Scarred for Life And Amy will kill everyone.
10) Fill in the blanks: "(1) and (9) are in a happy relationship, until (9) runs off with (2). (1), brokenhearted, has a short relationship with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (6), then follows the wise advice of (8) and finds true love with (3)."
Halt and Dean are in a happy relationship, until Dean runs off with Sherlock. Halt, brokenhearted, has a short relationship with Angela and a brief unhappy affair with Finch, then follows the wise advise of Donna and finds true love with the Tenth Doctor.
Lemme see, slash. Dean and Sherlock is slash so NO. Halt and Angela? That would be weird. Halt and Finch? No. Honestly, people! Stop trying to hook Halt up with POI characters! Donna apparently hasn't been in many relationships. Hence, the awfulness of a Halt and the Doctor slash, which is plain wrong for many reasons.
ONE MORE LIST:
1. What would you do if "Ten" woke you up in the middle of the night?
Arya woke me up in the middle of the night? Um, Arya? What the heck are you doing in America???
2. What would you do if "three" walked into the bathroom while you were showering?
The Doctor walked in on me while I was showering? "Doctor, I'm sure Barcelona is brilliant, but I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING!"
3. What if "four" announced he/she was going to marry "nine" tomorrow?
Mr. Reese is gonna marry Dean?
Me: John, is Root drugging you? Finch! What happened to John?! And, Dean, are you demon possessed?
4. What if "Five" cooked you dinner?
Rose made me dinner? "Aw, thanks, Rose!"
5. What if "six" was lying on the beach next to you, sleeping?
Finch is lying next to me on the beach sleeping? *pokes* "Finch? Aren't you worried Root is going to kidnap Bear while you're asleep?"
6.What if "Seven" confessed they were related to you?
Moriarty is related to me? OMG, can I meet Sherlock???
7. What if "eight" got into the hospital somehow?
Donna got in the hospital? Doctor, you promised to take care of her!
8. What if "nine" made fun of your friends?
Dean made fun of my friends? "Dean, shut it. Not everyone kills demons on a daily basis. I just realized how bad that sounded."
9.What would you do if "Two" ignored you all the time?
Sherlock ignored me all the time. *sobs* "Nooo!!! I want to help you on your cases!"
10. Two serial killers are after you, what will "one" do?
Two serial killers are after me and Halt uses his bow to shoot them.
11. It's your birthday, what does "three" get you?
It's my birthday and the Tenth Doctor let's me become his companion.
12. You're stuck in a house on fire, What does "four" do?
Mr. Reese gets me out 'cause I'm their new number and someone set my house on fire because I witnessed a crime committed by someone who works for Elias. Then John and Finch take me to dinner because they're just that epic.
13. You are about to do something that will embarrass you, what will "five" do?
Rose? She'll tell me that whatever I'm going to do is a bad idea and the Doctor has a plan.
14. You are about to marry "two", what will "one" do?
I'm about to marry Sherlock and Halt gives a totally awesome speech at the wedding.
15. You just got dumped, how does "seven" cheer you up?
I get dumped and Moriarty cheers me up by torturing the guy who dumped me.
16. You compete in a tournament, how will "nine" support you?
I compete in a tournament and Dean helps me by killing the demon employed by my competitor to kill me.
17. You can't stop laughing, what will ten do?
Arya will use a spell to shut me up.
18. One is all you ever dreamed of, why?
Halt is all I've ever dreamed of because he's sarcastic and smart and epic?
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST be WEAK.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I live in the COUNTRY, so I MUST live on a farm.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem. (I'm part Irish)
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player. (I'm a girl so this doesn't apply)
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and "Kool-Aid".
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm a FEMALE, so I MUST not SWEAR.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be "Emo".
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be "Emo".
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I'm not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a LOSER
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex. (Does pm-ing count?)
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE(that much), so I MUST be an outcast
I wear BLACK nail polish, so I MUST be EMO, GOTH, or PUNK
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting
I love MARCHING BAND, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I am an HONOR STUDENT, so I MUST be a NERD.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist.
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake.
I'm a BRUNETTE so I MUST think I'm better then redheads, blondes, and other dark haired people.
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.
I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist.
I like TWILIGHT, so I MUST be OBSESSIVE.
I'm INTO THEATRE & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I’m a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I’m A GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress (I think so at any rate)
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant
I’m a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian
I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie
I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life
I'm PUNK, so I MUST cut my wrists
I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy
I have A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS so I MUST be dating them all
I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd
I have GREEN SKIN so I MUST be a Wicked Witch
I'm a STAR WARS FAN so I MUST be a geek
I'm DIFFERENT so I MUST just want attention
I'm an ACTOR /ACTRESS so I MUST be mean
I GO TO AN ALL GIRLS SCHOOL so I MUST be boy crazy or a lesbian
I PLAY THE VIOLA so I MUST be an idiot
I READ HARRY POTTER so I MUST worship the Devil
I am a TWILIGHT FANGIRL so I MUST have no life
I WRITE FANFICTION so I MUST be a crack-addicted wash-out who can't get published
I WRITE ABOUT LOVE so I MUST not have a boyfriend
I DON'T LIKE PLAYING SPORTS so I MUST BE UN-AMERICAN
I'm A BRUNETTE so I MUST BE SMART
I'm A RED-HEAD so I MUST BE A CONTROLLING BITCH WITH ANGER ISSUES
I'm A BLOND so I MUST BE DUMBER THAN A ROCK
I HAVE MORE GIRL FRIENDS THAN GUY FRIENDS so I MUST BE GAY.
I DON'T LIKE TALKING TO MOST PEOPLE so I MUST BE ANTI-SOCIAL
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