Author has written 7 stories for Avengers, Frozen, Harry Potter, Hobbit, and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D..
Hi no idea what to put on here but here goes.
I'm 16 yrs old, I am obsessed with Avengers, I love Sherlock, Once Upon a Time, Supernatural, Merlin, Undercover Blues, Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit and I read way to much. I redo the same puzzles all the time. We have 2 dogs, 4 horses, and several chickens. I am so obsessed with Avengers that i have named my nintendogs Loki (shiba inu), Thor (shiba inu) and Fury (german shepherd).
further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
-On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
-On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
-On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
-On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
-On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
-On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (I was hoping it was going 2 be frozen... dang.)
-On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
-On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
-On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and I'm taking this because??...)
-On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to what?)
-On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
-On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)
-On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
-On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
-On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and put this on your profile to bring a smile to someone (maybe even a chuckle)...
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile
Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."
14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.
16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.
17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.
21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort.
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."
25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell.
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.
28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bees."
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
30) I will not go to class skyclad.
31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."
32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.
35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends."
36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."
37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.
39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts.
40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"
41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.
42) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.
43) I will not lick Trevor.
44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."
45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.
46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.
47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.
48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.
49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.
50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.
Now for some Randomness!
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.
Is it time for your medication or mine?
Oh, I'm so sorry! I forgot that you're an idiot!
A stranger stabs you in the front a friend stabs you in the back a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends grab those knives and stab those bastards back for you.
To put it nicely, I hope you choke
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.
God created man before woman because every masterpiece needs a rough draft.
MENtal pain, MENtal anxiety, MENstrual cramps, MENopause... all our problems start with men!
Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight.
It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?
Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.
Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
Write like no one is gonna read your words.
BE YOURSELF. It's hard to be someone else anyway.
Even before you say sorry (volunteer or otherwise), think about how you would feel in their shoes. THEN you can properly say sorry
Ever remember the quote "If you believe, you can do it!" Gah! Why is it that no matter how I believe I CAN'T FLY!?
The pen may be mightier, but the sword still hurts like hell.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
"I think, therefore I get a headache."
"I smile because I have no idea what's going on."
"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."
"Death is life's way of telling you you're fired."
God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.
You know what! Earth sucks, I’m going home!
Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you keep on talking
"What is this 'kindness' you speak of?"
Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them!
"Somehow, in some way that was all your fault."
Retreating! Hell no, we're just attacking the other direction!
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile):
1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too)
2. Meet the recruitment bunny!
3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!
4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me, people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough!
5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guys!
6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life!
7. Money, Money, Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?
8. WORLD DOMINATION! BEST reason!
"There is no right or wrong, there is only power and the will to use it" (Harry Potter and the Philosopher's stone)
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."
(Gravestone in Ireland)
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together...
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." Edgar Allan Poe
"I have great faith in fools self-confidence my friends call it." Edgar Allan Poe
"Stupidity is a talent for misconception." Edgar Allan Poe
Some funny sayings!!
"I'm not deaf. I'm just ignoring you.
There are many things you should never say to a police officer. One of them is "I swear to drunk i'm not god."
I was lost in thought yesterday... it was unfamiliar territory."
I don't know what your problem is, but I bet its hard to pronounce.
I’m 21 and legally old enough to do all the stuff I’ve been doing since I was 13.
Ignore me, I'll love you for it.
Caution! I drive as bad as you do...
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that a hostage situation?
I do whatever the voices tell me to. It depends on who yells the loudest.
I hear voices, and they don't like you.
I like poetry, long walks on the beach and poking dead things with a stick...
My day is not complete till I have terrified a complete stranger .
Stop following me, I don't know where I'm going.
Never get into an argument with a schizophrenic and say: "Who do you think you are?"
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you,
But the roses are wilting,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty,
And so is your head.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that person upside the head.
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face.
Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is human’s way of saying you can't fire me, I quit.
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.
STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak.
If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.
This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.
They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed
- This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
- This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
- This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine".
- (With Raised Eyebrows!) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
- (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
- This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
- Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
- This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".
- This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
- A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "You're welcome".
Thanks A Lot
- This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing
WHAT MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME IRONY.
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT WEATHER.
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME HOW TO SOLVE PHYSICS PROBLEMS.
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming towards you, would you listen then?"
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!"
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in the world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana
7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .
"I called your boyfriend gay and he slapped me with his purse."
"The Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"The trouble with real life is that there's no background music."
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts."
"I have not lost my mind it's backed up on a disk somewhere."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"Computers make very accurate mistakes. (22=3 Calculated in 0.000000001 seconds)"
"If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room."
" If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?"
"If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost."
"OK, I'm wierd! But I'm saving up to become eccentric."
"I tend to think in simple, clear terms that are wrong."
"Yo-yo: an object occasionally up but normally down (See also: computer)."
"Beware of the letter "G." It is the end of everything."
"I do visit reality, although it's on a tourist visa."
"Flying is not inherently dangerous crashing is."
"Don't play dumb with me, I'll always win."
"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door..."
"Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door."
"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."
"He learned what every man must learn...never insult a girl's looks, especially if said girl can kick your ass"
"I'm not awesome, you just suck."
"IT'S THE SUGAR TALKING, I SWEAR!"
"People say violence isn't the answer. Well, they're right. Violence is the question. The answer is 'HELL YES'."
"I never said I was normal... you just presumed I was."
"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars, and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
It takes 42 muscles to frown, but just 28 to smile. Though it only takes 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone in the mouth.
Silence is golden... but shouting is fun!
Don't knock on Death's door ring the bell and run- he hates that
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it!
Don't follow in my footsteps, I walk into walls!
My favourite movie quotes!
"Oh hi Morty! How's it going?"
"Muerte! My name is Muerte! For death!" -Undercover Blues
"They popped out of the snow! Like daisies!"- Mulan (Mushu)
"I wish that none of this had ever happened."
"So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."- Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (Gandalf and Frodo)
"A strong man, who has known power all his life, loses respect for that power. A weak man, knows the value of strength and knows compassion."-Captain America: The First Avenger (Dr Erskine)
"This is a pen!"- Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief (Percy)
"Life will find a way."- Jurassic Park (Ian Malcolm)
"Shakespeare in the park? Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?"-Avengers Assemble (Tony Stark)
"Is there anything you can tell us about the Tesseract that we ought to know now?"
"You shoulda left it in the ocean."-Avengers Assemble (Fury and Steve Rogers)
"How does it look?"
"Like Christmas, but with more...me."-Avengers Assemble (Pepper and Tony)
"Better to ask forgiveness, than to ask permission."-Eragon (Brom)
"If I'm gonna die, I wanna still be me."-The Hunger Games (Peeta)
"If it's all the same to you, I'll have that drink now."-Avengers Assemble (Loki)
"I'll still cook you."-The Hunger Games (Katniss)
"Don't worry, those bears won't get the drop on me Bella. My kung fu is strong."-New Moon (Harry Clearwater)
"There's something delicious about writing the first words of a story. You can never quite tell where they'll take you."-Miss Potter (Beatrice Potter)
My favourite book quotes!
"As Oscar Wilde once said 'To lose one parent may be regarded as misfortune, to lose both looks like carelessness.'"-City of Bones (Magnus Bane)
"You just had to make a crazy jail friend didn't you? You couldn't just train mice like normal prisoners do!"-City of Glass (Jace)
Rules for living in the Avengers Mansion: