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Joined 02-11-13, id: 4539397, Profile Updated: 03-19-14

If you're not interested in learning about any abnormal fetishes I may (or may not) have or how I am the reincarnation of John Lennon, I suggest you resume your boringer-than-reading-this life. Grazie.

Dear Gandhi . . . I'm surprised I didn't lose you after "abnormal fetishes". Nonetheless, thanks for stopping by. I appreciate it. I really do.

Because I like talking about myself, I'm going to give you some snippets of my Wikipedia page (don't check for it):

1.) My bedroom walls are barely visible. They're covered with posters of fantabulous movies and hot guitarists from the seventies. *

2.) Hit me up on tumblr: turnersasbo. Yes, I'm shamelessly pimping myself out. But I have self-respect so I decided to make this my second point. See?

3.) British indie bands that are named after extremely cold primates are my favorite. Vague, I know, but you'll have to figure it out on your own.

4.) I think Robert Sheehan is one of the most amazing humans on Earth and would be ecstatic to have his babies. *

5.) When Alex Turner sings the word "destroy" in the Arctic Monkeys' song "The Bad Thing" I start salivating profusely. Aw, criminy. I gave away number three.

*If you remember anything about me, remember this.

Now for the boring stuff. I know you want more random factoids about me, but you'll have to be satiated for now.

A few things you should know about my writing . . .

1.) I absolutely adore fluff, but cheese makes me turn into Rocky in a meat-packing-plant, a.k.a. not good at all. I will never be profusely sweet (or lactose-filled) in my writing. Well, I shouldn't say that. Sometimes I get emotional and write my own sub-par version of a Nicholas Sparks novel.

2.) My M-rated stories will always include warnings for the youngings. Unfortunately, I'm not that old, so any situations (if you know what I mean, and I think you do) will remain vague until I get some experience. It might be a while, guys.

3.) I love it when people give me ideas that don't suck. If you think you have one, PM me. I promise I'm not an annoying jerk. This bio isn't a good testament to that, but I urge you take my word.

4.) I will try to update on the weekends because I have no social life, therefore it is the prime time frame for me to get some stuff out there—key word being try. I'm in school and want to go to college. I know this might wound you, but getting a few crappy one-shots out there isn't worth living in my parents' basement and becoming the slightly more feminine forty year-old virgin.

Feel free to PM me if you: want to talk about the ridiculous (yet amazing) Shawshank Redemption marathons that are on about five times a weekend; think Ireland is the place to be; agree young Keith Richards is swoon-worthy; believe, with a few exceptions, classic movies are exponentially better than modern ones; listen to comedians on Pandora obsessively before you fall asleep.

"If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro' narrow chinks of his cavern."

—William Blake

Another friendly reminder to follow me on tumblr: turnersasbo. #noshame

Well, whatever, never mind.

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Stockholm Syndrome by ohalaskayoung reviews
Lips that once clamped shut in his presence now ached for his kiss. Legs that once trembled in fear now spread wide at his command. No one knows where we are, no one can hear my screams of pain and pleasure. I am completely at his mercy, and I love every second of it. Mockingjay AU. Contains extremely mature themes.
Hunger Games - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 14 - Words: 46,178 - Reviews: 335 - Favs: 376 - Follows: 558 - Updated: 12/5/2014 - Published: 4/1/2014 - Katniss E., Peeta M.
Good Feelings by candysays reviews
In Memory of John Hughes. Neither knows if they'll have more than those stolen moments, but each feels those moments are worth more than, well, diamonds. Are they as hard to break? It just keeps going and going Hard T. Really hard.
Breakfast Club - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 33 - Words: 195,770 - Reviews: 814 - Favs: 381 - Follows: 352 - Updated: 3/24/2014 - Published: 8/10/2009
The Nine Consequences of One Night and a Door by ddpjclaf reviews
The teenaged daughter and son of sworn rivals meet with a bang one drunken night against the bathroom door. Now everyone must come to terms with the 9 consequences of one night, a girl, a boy, and a door. OOC AH/AU Lemonade. Vulgar language. Mature.
Mortal Instruments - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 34 - Words: 340,066 - Reviews: 3718 - Favs: 2,599 - Follows: 2,318 - Updated: 2/11/2014 - Published: 11/15/2011 - Jace W., Clary F. - Complete
in our bedroom after the war by Narquelie reviews
She thinks: here is the man who is my whole world.
Book Thief - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,313 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 124 - Follows: 21 - Published: 12/18/2013 - [Liesel M., Max V.] - Complete
Take Care by amelia day reviews
Peeta Mellark is suddenly put into a position he never expected to be in- that of a parent. Low on patience, he hires someone as desperate for a job as he is for help. Modern Day AU.
Hunger Games - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 39,058 - Reviews: 182 - Favs: 616 - Follows: 711 - Updated: 12/11/2013 - Published: 1/6/2013 - Katniss E., Peeta M.
No Surprises by Nmoreblack reviews
He thought they made an odd pair, the two of them. The oddness, he thought sadly, surely rested with him. Katniss thought they were perfect. He was perfect. Modern day AU.
Hunger Games - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 43,660 - Reviews: 291 - Favs: 1,021 - Follows: 437 - Updated: 4/24/2013 - Published: 3/13/2013 - Katniss E., Peeta M. - Complete
Ghosts with Just Voices by monroeslittle reviews
"I have a secret for you," he says, his breath warm against her cheek. "The top floor," he whispers. "If you hurry, you might be able to stop it." AU. Katniss makes a deal with Snow that changes everything.
Hunger Games - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 28,814 - Reviews: 356 - Favs: 1,070 - Follows: 168 - Published: 2/3/2012 - Peeta M., Katniss E. - Complete
How We Came To Be by KissingFire reviews
AU/OOC/M/ The way they felt for one another was not the way you should feel about a sibling. Not at all.
Mortal Instruments - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,420 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 190 - Follows: 49 - Published: 8/6/2011 - Clary F., Jace W. - Complete
Dream a Little Dream of Me by KissingFire reviews
Beaten until unconscious, Clary meets a gorgeous blonde in her dream, who befriends and comforts her. She falls in love with him, and he gives her the will to live. Too bad he's just a part of her dream. T for lang & violence.
Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,837 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 263 - Follows: 67 - Published: 6/28/2011 - Clary F., Jace W. - Complete
Unexpected by KissingFire reviews
He was always her protective older stepbrother, the only person she told anything. She was always his adorable little stepsister, the only person he genuinely cared about. The sudden attraction, after all those years, is unexpected.
Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 17 - Words: 38,967 - Reviews: 760 - Favs: 715 - Follows: 349 - Updated: 6/12/2011 - Published: 3/30/2011 - Clary F., Jace W. - Complete
Look Past the Scars by SpeakNow1118 reviews
Oneshot, AH/AU/OOC Clary Fray is a broken young girl. Jace Wayland is a broken young man with the incredible ability to look past her scars and love her. He take care of her, even when the others don't. T for cutting/eating disorder/fights
Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,637 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 212 - Follows: 41 - Published: 6/10/2011 - Clary F., Jace W. - Complete