If you're not interested in learning about any abnormal fetishes I may (or may not) have or how I am the reincarnation of John Lennon, I suggest you resume your boringer-than-reading-this life. Grazie.
Dear Gandhi . . . I'm surprised I didn't lose you after "abnormal fetishes". Nonetheless, thanks for stopping by. I appreciate it. I really do.
Because I like talking about myself, I'm going to give you some snippets of my Wikipedia page (don't check for it):
1.) My bedroom walls are barely visible. They're covered with posters of fantabulous movies and hot guitarists from the seventies. *
2.) Hit me up on tumblr: turnersasbo. Yes, I'm shamelessly pimping myself out. But I have self-respect so I decided to make this my second point. See?
3.) British indie bands that are named after extremely cold primates are my favorite. Vague, I know, but you'll have to figure it out on your own.
4.) I think Robert Sheehan is one of the most amazing humans on Earth
5.) When Alex Turner sings the word "destroy" in the Arctic Monkeys' song "The Bad Thing" I start salivating profusely. Aw, criminy. I gave away number three.
*If you remember anything about me, remember this.
Now for the boring stuff. I know you want more random factoids about me, but you'll have to be satiated for now.
A few things you should know about my writing . . .
1.) I absolutely adore fluff, but cheese makes me turn into Rocky in a meat-packing-plant, a.k.a. not good at all. I will never be profusely sweet (or lactose-filled) in my writing. Well, I shouldn't say that. Sometimes I get emotional and write my own sub-par version of a Nicholas Sparks novel.
2.) My M-rated stories will always include warnings for the youngings. Unfortunately, I'm not that old, so any situations (if you know what I mean, and I think you do) will remain vague until I get some experience. It might be a while, guys.
3.) I love it when people give me ideas that don't suck. If you think you have one, PM me. I promise I'm not an annoying jerk. This bio isn't a good testament to that, but I urge you take my word.
4.) I will try to update on the weekends because I have no social life, therefore it is the prime time frame for me to get some stuff out there—key word being try. I'm in school and want to go to college. I know this might wound you, but getting a few crappy one-shots out there isn't worth living in my parents' basement and becoming the slightly more feminine forty year-old virgin.
Feel free to PM me if you: want to talk about the ridiculous (yet amazing) Shawshank Redemption marathons that are on about five times a weekend; think Ireland is the place to be; agree young Keith Richards is swoon-worthy; believe, with a few exceptions, classic movies are exponentially better than modern ones; listen to comedians on Pandora obsessively before you fall asleep.
"If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro' narrow chinks of his cavern."
Another friendly reminder to follow me on tumblr: turnersasbo. #noshame
Well, whatever, never mind.