Hello my little bookworms, Chris here.
I'm just a girl who likes to be called by Chris from Canada. For those who really want to know my full name, it's Christina. I've kind of come to hate when people call me that. Other than that, I love the name. Weird, I know.
I'm kind of a huge dork. And when I say kind of, I mean I'm probably the biggest dork you're never going to meet.
Other than writing, I enjoy riding my horse, reading, beating people's asses at Cards Against Humanity, and adding things to my childhood bucket list.
I kind of don't have a social life, so my phone is practically my best friend. It's why halfway through a day, it dies and I have to find an outlet to let it charge. Damn battery just doesn't last.
I'm also a hobbit. I haven't even reached 5 feet yet, and I'm in my teenage years. It's one of the reasons one thing in my bucket list is to set out to the Shire to find Bilbo and the rest of the gang.
I've probably watched all romantic comedies and chick flicks in history. My favourites include Pretty Woman, The Proposal, and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
My brain only starts working after 9pm, so that's why my sleep schedule is so messed up, and I've become a nocturnal high school student.
...so, yeah. That's basically me in a nutshell.
I'M AS HAPPY AS THE SUN FROM TELETUBBIES.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
You talk to yourself a lot.
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.
When you talk to yourself, you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'What do you think about so and so?')
After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, 'Holy crap, this stuff is great for sugar highs...'
You live off of sugar and caffeine (Come on people, how hard is it to get a soda and a candy bar?)
You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no apparent reason
(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)
96 out of 100 teenage girls would have a heart attack if they saw Edward Cullen on the edge of a tall building about to jump. Copy and paste this onto your profile if you're one of the 4 who would yell, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and kick him off yourself.
I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me IRONY...again.
22. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
23. My mother taught me GENETICS.
24. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
25. My mother taught me WISDOM.
26. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
Friends vs. Best Friends
A friend will be there for you when he dumps you, Best Friend will call him and whisper "Seven days..."
A friend will help you up when you fall, Best Friend will laugh because she tripped me.
A friend helps you find you're prince charming; Best Friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A friend gives you there umbrella in the rain; Best Friend takes yours and runs away.
A friend helps you move, Best Friend helps you move the bodies
A friend well bail you out of jail, Best Friend is sitting next to you saying "That was Awesome!! Let’s do it again!!"
A friend knows a lot of things about you; Best Friend could right a very embarrassing biography of your live.
A friend will teach me how to drive; Best Friend will help me push the car in the lake so I can collect insurance.
A friend will go to the concert with me; Best Friend will kidnap the band with me.
A friend will let me make a fool of myself in public, Best Friend is making a fool of herself next to me.
A friend asks you for something to eat; a Best Friend is the reason you have no food.
A friend will push you in a spinny chair; Best Friend steals the chair sits in it and demands you to spin them.
A friend asks for the cookie, Best friend steals the bag and says PLEASE?
A friend asks for the cookie, A best friend gives me the puppy dog look, holds out her hand and says "Insert cookie here
A friend laughs with you; Best friend laughs at you.
A friend says I love your dogs; Best friends are secretly plotting on how to steal them.
A friend will hide you from the cops; Best Friend is the reason they’re after you
A friend will tutor you, a Best Friend will let you cheat of their paper.
A friend will ask for a ride home, a Best Friend will be waiting in the car for you
A friend will ask for a ride home, a Best Friend will steal your keys
A friend will call only up till 8 p.m. and not before 7 a.m., a Best Friend has you on speed dial and will call at midnight
A friend will address your parents proper, a Best Friend calls them family!
A friend will help you clean up a mess, a Best Friend will help you hide the bodies.
A friend will help you if you’re in too deep, a Best Friend will be right by your side, making sure the both of you get away with it.
Friends Fade, Best Friends are forever
I once asked my teacher if she shipped students. After thoroughly explaining what 'shipping' meant, she said that shipping was the topic was the only thing teachers talked about in the staff room.
What happens to Nitrogen when the sun rises?
It becomes daytrogen. *ba dum tss*
Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts:
1) Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms
2) I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.
3) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class
4) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss
5) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda
6) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar
7) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy
8) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month"
9) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
10) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches
12) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Moblie, Robin!"
13) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.
14) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor
15) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental
16) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"
17) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
18) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"
19) It’s not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" everytime I apparate.
20) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.
21) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
22) I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.
23) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.
24) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice.
25) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life." to Voldemort.
26) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
27) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force".
28) I will not call Dumbledore "Santa Claus!" during the Christmas Holidays.
29) I will not put Muggle fairy book in the History section at the library.
30) I will not send Snape a bar of soap for Christmas.
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"
37 Things to do in an Elevator
1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."
I WANT A GUY...
1. Someone who would sing to me at random moments.
2. Who would let me sleep on his chest.
3. Someone who would get mad at someone if they called me UGLY or were mean to me.
4. He would throw stuffed animals at me when I acted dumb and then cuddle with me.
5. He would take me to the park and buy me ice cream.
6. Someone who would give me big bear hugs all the time.
7. He would tell all his friends about me and SMILE when he did.
8. And we'd make out in the pouring rain.
9. He would never be afraid to say "I love you" in front of his friends.
10. We'd argue about silly things and then make up.
11. I want a boy who would kiss me at midnight on New Years
12. Someone who would tell me I'm beautiful.
13. Who would make me laugh like NO ONE else could.
14. But mostly, I want someone who would be my best friend and would never BREAK MY HEART
Bad pick-up Line Come-backs
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Man: Is this seat empty?
Man: Your place or mine?
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.