Sapphira Volkov
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Joined 02-28-13, id: 4571749, Profile Updated: 08-06-14
Author has written 7 stories for Mortal Instruments, Maximum Ride, and Homestuck.

Certificate: Test results

What spirit animal are you?

For 50 % you are: You are a Grey Wolf!
38.1263 % of 62272 Quiz participants had this profile! Profile A

Take this quiz: What spirit animal are you?

About me:

  • Skills: Anything artsy, writing stories, choir, drama, cooking, needlepoint, embroidery, sewing, jewelry making, can clean like a hotel maid, good with kids, remembering random bits of info that no one else does, archery, annoying people
  • Gender: Girl
  • Magical Powers: I am a werewolf. It's sorta like this: I can go halfway through a change when I get pissed, just enough to scare someone, and during the full moon I get very high, and can manage a full change in a split second. Unlike Twilight, my clothes melt into my body when I change, out of sheer force of will. At any time other than the full moon, it takes about ten seconds for the full change. Unless you're an Alpha.
  • Personality: ADHD, loves annoying people, loves reading
  • Likes: Animals, The Mortal Instruments, Sarcasm.
  • Dislikes: Sexist jokes, players, guys who think they’re all that
  • Motto: Life is like a book. The plotline is awesome, the sarcasm is better, and the author loves abusing the characters- Me
  • Unique fact: Allergic to alcohol and drugs
  • Favorite Color: Sapphire blue and any shade of blue-green
  • Favorite Animal: Horse
  • Awesome books to read: Enchanted, Olson Scott Card; Gregor the Overlander, Suzanne Collins; The Mortal Instruments, Cassandra Clare; Anything by E.D. Baker; Anything by Rick Rioridan; Maximum Ride; A Tale Dark and Grimm; The False Prince; Death Cloud; Pegasus, Flame of Olympus; Rebel Spirits; What the Spell; Keeper of the Lost Cities.

  • Anyone who wants to read some really good stories by moi, click here! None of them are Fanfiction, but I think that most of you will like it. And, yes, I only write kidnapping novels. What do you want from my life? I was paranoid as a child! If you highlight a specific part of a passage and hold Ctrl-Alt-M, then you can type a comment for that part. Please do! I need feedback.

    I'm also on DeviantArt. For my profile, click here.


    ABC's of Me:

    A - AVAILABLE: Yup.

    B - BIRTHDAY: September 12.

    C - CRUSHING ON: No one.

    D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Cup of whole milk.

    E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: My friends, as they are handpicked for that reason.

    F - FAVORITE SONGS:

    Allstar Weekend – Hey, Princess

    Allstar Weekend – Dance Forever

    Aloe Blacc – Wake Me Up - Acoustic

    Avril Lavigne – The Best Damn Thing

    Avril Lavigne – Here's To Never Growing Up

    Avril Lavigne – Complicated

    Avril Lavigne – Sk8er Boi

    The Barden Bellas – Riff Off: Mickey/Like A Virgin/Hit Me With Your Best Shot/S&M/Let’s Talk About Sex/I’ll Make Love To You/Feels Like The First Time/No Diggity

    The Barden Bellas – Bellas Regionals: The Sign/Eternal Flame/Turn The Beat Around

    The Barden Bellas – Pool Mashup: Just The Way You Are/Just A Dream

    The Barden Bellas – Bellas Finals: Price Tag/Don’t You (Forget About Me)/Give Me Everything/Just The Way You Are/Party In The U.S.A./Turn The Beat Around

    Bowling For Soup – Li'l Red Riding Hood

    Boys Like Girls – Love Drunk

    Bridgit Mendler – Ready or Not

    Britney Spears – Ooh La La (from The Smurfs 2)

    Bruno Mars – Grenade

    Bruno Mars – Just The Way You Are

    Building 429 – We Won't Be Shaken

    Carrie Underwood – The More Boys I Meet

    Cast Of Camp Rock – We Rock - Original Version

    Céline Dion – That's The Way It Is

    Cher Lloyd – Want U Back

    Chris Wallace – Remember When (Push Rewind)

    Christina Perri – A Thousand Years

    Cimorelli – Dynamite

    Cimorelli – Price Tag

    Cimorelli – What Makes You Beautiful

    The Click Five – Just The Girl

    Cobra Starship – Good Girls Go Bad [feat. Leighton Meester]

    Cody Simpson – Shine Supernova

    Dada Life – So Young So High

    David Guetta – Titanium - feat. Sia

    Demi Lovato – La La Land

    Demi Lovato – Don't Forget

    Demi Lovato – Fix A Heart

    Demi Lovato – Give Your Heart A Break

    Destiny's Child – Survivor

    Elijah Kelley, John Travolta, Queen Latifah, Nikki Blonsky, Zac Efron, Amanda Bynes – You Can't Stop The Beat

    Flo Rida – Club Can't Handle Me - Feat. David Guetta

    Flo Rida – Who Dat Girl - feat. Akon

    Flo Rida – Right Round - US

    Glee Cast – Clarity (Glee Cast Version)

    Glee Cast – Some Nights (Glee Cast Version)

    Glee Cast – You Can't Stop The Beat (Glee Cast Version)

    Glee Cast – How To Be A Heartbreaker (Glee Cast Version)

    Glee Cast – A Thousand Years (Glee Cast Version)

    Gloria Gaynor – I Will Survive

    Green Day – American Idiot

    Hilary Duff – Come Clean

    Hot Chelle Rae – Hung Up

    Hot Chelle Rae – I Like It Like That - Goldstein Remix

    Hot Chelle Rae – I Like It Like That

    Hot Chelle Rae – Tonight Tonight

    Hot Chelle Rae – Honestly

    Hot Chelle Rae – Radio

    Hot Chelle Rae – Downtown Girl

    iCarly & Victorious Casts – Leave It All To Shine - featuring Miranda Cosgrove & Victoria Justice

    Icona Pop – I Love It - feat. Charli XCX

    Imagine Dragons – Demons

    Jason Derulo – Whatcha Say

    Jason Derulo – The Other Side

    Katy Perry – Roar

    Ke$ha – TiK ToK

    Ke$ha – Take It Off

    Ke$ha – Kiss N Tell

    Ke$ha – Stephen

    Ke$ha – Party At A Rich Dude's House

    Ke$ha – Blind

    Ke$ha – Blow

    Ke$ha – Grow A Pear

    Ke$ha – Cannibal

    Ke$ha – Crazy Beautiful Life

    Ke$ha – Your Love Is My Drug - Dave Aude Club Mix

    Ke$ha – Take It Off - Billboard Radio Mix

    Kelly Clarkson – Since U Been Gone

    Kelly Clarkson – Behind These Hazel Eyes

    Kelly Clarkson – My Life Would Suck Without You

    Kid Ink – Money and the Power

    Macklemore – Can't Hold Us (feat. Ray Dalton)

    Mandy Moore – When Will My Life Begin

    Mandy Moore – I've Got a Dream

    Mandy Moore – I See the Light

    Mandy Moore – Healing Incantation

    Maroon 5 – Misery

    Maroon 5 – Stutter

    Maroon 5 – Never Gonna Leave This Bed

    Maroon 5 – Last Chance

    Maroon 5 – Wake Up Call

    Maroon 5 – One More Night

    Maroon 5 – Payphone

    Maroon 5 – Daylight

    Maroon 5 – Love Somebody

    Maroon 5 – Love Somebody

    Maroon 5 – Wipe Your Eyes

    Michael Bublé – Haven't Met You Yet

    Michael Bublé – It's A Beautiful Day

    Miley Cyrus – 7 Things - Single Version

    Miley Cyrus – Fly On The Wall

    Miley Cyrus – Who Owns My Heart

    Miley Cyrus – Can't Be Tamed

    Miranda Cosgrove – Leave It All To Me (Theme from iCarly)

    Olly Murs – Troublemaker

    Olly Murs – Hand on Heart

    One Direction – Best Song Ever

    One Direction – One Way Or Another (Teenage Kicks)

    One Direction – Story of My Life

    One Direction – Live While We're Young

    One Direction – Kiss You

    One Direction – C'mon, C'mon

    One Direction – Last First Kiss

    One Direction – Heart Attack

    One Direction – I Would

    One Direction – Back For You

    One Direction – They Don't Know About Us

    One Direction – She's Not Afraid

    One Direction – Loved You First

    One Direction – Nobody Compares

    One Direction – Still The One

    One Direction – Gotta Be You

    One Direction – One Thing

    One Direction – Up All Night

    One Direction – Everything About You

    One Direction – Save You Tonight

    One Direction – Stand Up

    Owl City – Shine Your Way

    Owl City – Shooting Star

    Owl City – To The Sky

    Owl City – Live It Up

    Pitbull – Feel This Moment

    Plain White T's – Should've Gone to Bed

    R.I.O. – Ready or Not - Video Edit

    The Ready Set – Give Me Your Hand [Best Song Ever]

    The Ready Set – Love Like Woe

    Rihanna – Disturbia - Jody den Broeder

    Rihanna – Love The Way You Lie (Part II)

    Ross Lynch – Heard It On The Radio

    Ross Lynch – A Billion Hits

    Ross Lynch – Illusion

    Ross Lynch – It’s Me, It’s You

    Ross Lynch – Heart Beat

    Ross Lynch – The Way That You Do

    Ross Lynch – Break Down The Walls

    Ross Lynch – Can’t Do It Without You (Austin & Ally Main Title)

    Sara Bareilles – Love Song

    The Script – Hall of Fame

    The Script – Hall of Fame

    Selena Gomez – Come & Get It

    Selena Gomez – Slow Down

    Selena Gomez & The Scene – Naturally

    Selena Gomez & The Scene – Who Says

    Taylor Swift – 22

    Taylor Swift – You Belong With Me

    Taylor Swift – Hey Stephen

    Taylor Swift – Tell Me Why

    Taylor Swift – Change

    Taylor Swift – Ours

    Taylor Swift – Red

    Taylor Swift – Mean

    Taylor Swift – Superman

    Taylor Swift – Our Song

    Taylor Swift – Today Was A Fairytale

    TobyMac – Speak Life

    Train – Bruises

    The Treblemakers – Right Round

    The Treblemakers – Trebles Finals: Bright Lights Bigger City/Magic

    U-KISS – What Did You Say

    Ultimate Dance Remixes – Beauty and a Beat (Remix)

    Ultimate Dance Remixes – I Cry (Remix)

    Ultimate Dance Remixes – One More Night (Remix)

    Ultimate Dance Remixes – Pound the Alarm (Remix)

    Victorious Cast – Make It Shine (Victorious Theme)

    Victorious Cast – Take A Hint

    Victorious Cast – Shut Up And Dance

    Victorious Cast – Here's 2 Us

    Victorious Cast – Here's 2 Us

    Victorious Cast – Freak The Freak Out

    Victorious Cast – Best Friend's Brother

    We The Kings – Check Yes, Juliet

    Ylvis – The Fox (What Does The Fox Say?)

    Zedd – Into The Lair

    G - GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Finding out I can write awesome stories.

    H - HOMETOWN: Somewhere.

    I - IN LOVE WITH: Me.

    J - JUGGLE: Nope.

    K - KILLED SOMEONE: I wish. My lil sis has it coming.

    L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: School, that's one state away. ;p.

    M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Vanilla.

    N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 5

    O - ONE WISH: That my story, Search for Believers, would come true, because I'm sooo bored.

    P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: My BFFL.

    R - REASON TO SMILE: Private jokes, someone making a fool of themselves.

    S - SONG YOU LAST SANG: That's actually a good question... Hm... *shrug* I don't know.

    T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 5:30 A:M

    U - UNBELIEVABLY AWESOME FRIENDS' NAMES: David, Trevor, and Rafael.

    V - VEGETABLE(S): Peppers, cucumbers, celery.

    W - WORST HABIT: Swearing.

    X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: *shrug* I don't remember.

    Y - YOYOS ARE: Entertaining at times.

    Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Scorpio.


    YOUR GUY SIDE:

    You love hoodies. You love jeans. Dogs are better than cats. It's hilarious when people get hurt. You've played with/against boys on a team. Shopping is torture. Sad movies suck. (Some) You own/ed and xbok/DS. Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid. At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter. You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega. You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers. You watch sports on TV. Gory movies are cool. You go to your dad for advice. You own like a trillion baseball caps. You like going to high school football games. You used to/do collect football/baseball cards. Baggy pants are cool to wear. It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. You love to go crazy and not care what people think. Sports are fun. Talk with food in your mouth. Sleep with your socks on at night

    Total:15

    YOUR GIRL SIDE

    You wear eyeliner. You wear the color pink. (Sometimes) You consider cheerleading a sport. You hate wearing the color black. You like hanging out at the mall. You like getting manicures and/or pedicures. You like wearing jewelry. Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe. Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies. You don't like the movie Star Wars. You were in gymnastics/dance. It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. (No makeup) You smile a lot more than you should. You have more than 10 pairs of shoes. You care about what you look like. You like wearing dresses when you can. You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne. You love the movies. Used to play with dolls as little kid. Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it. Like being the star of everything. You wear lip gloss/chapstick. You love to shop.

    Total:14

    1. How did you get one of your scars?

    I got scratched by a bunny. No, seriously.

    2. What is on the walls in your room?

    Paint. A shelf. A hanging clipboard with a booklight for writing. A baby pic of the sister that I share a room with.

    4. What type of music do you listen to?

    Pop. Hip-hop. Dance. Some gospel music.

    5. Do you know what time you were born?

    No...?

    6. What do you want more than anything right now?

    Massiah?

    7. What do you miss?

    My BFF Eta.

    8. What is your most prized possession(s)?

    My writing notebook. Which I just lost. Shoot.

    10. Do you get claustrophobic?

    Naw.

    11. Do you get scared of the dark?

    Not really.

    12. The last person that made you cry?

    Um... I don’t actually remember.

    13. What is your favourite perfume for a girl?

    I don't use perfume. Ew!

    14. What kind of hair/eye colour do you like on the opposite gender?

    Brown, curly hair with chocolate brown eyes, middle-eastern skin. Black hair with sapphire blue eyes, pale skin. Blonde hair with green eyes, medium skin. It all depends on the combination.

    15. Where can you see yourself being proposed to?

    How would I know?

    16. Coffee or energy drink?

    Energy drink.

    17. What is your favourite pizza topping?

    Cheese and sauce. Preferably with dough underneath.

    18. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

    Watermelon. I’m so in the mood.

    19. What's your sun sign?

    Scorpio

    20. Your favourite season and why?

    Eh. Don’t have one.

    21. What was the first meaningful gift you ever received?

    A pillow pet from my sister.

    22. Do you like anybody?

    No.

    23. Are you double jointed?.

    Nope.

    24. Favourite clothing brand?

    Don't care as long as it's comfy.

    26. Do you have a pet?

    Nope.

    27. What is it?

    I don't have a pet.

    28. Would you fall in love knowing that the person was leaving?

    No I don't fall in love

    29. What is the best way to tell someone how much they mean to you?

    Eh.

    30. Write a number from one to a hundred:

    12

    31. Blonds or brunettes?

    Whaaat?

    32. What is the one number you call most often?

    My BFFL Zahara.

    33. What annoys you most?

    People not being annoyed when I annoy them.

    34. Have you been out of the USA?

    Yup. Israel and Switzerland.

    35. Your weaknesses?

    Cute aminals. I spelled that wrong on purpose. Private joke.

    36. Met anyone famous?

    Nope.

    37. First job?

    I don’t work. I can’t be trusted with responsibility.

    38. Ever made a prank call?

    Nope.

    40. What were you doing before you filled this out?

    Going to bother my therapist.

    41. Have you ever had surgery?

    Idk.

    42. What do you get complimented about most?

    Beauty. They lie! Talent. They don’t mention it enough!

    43. Have you ever had braces?

    I have braces right now.

    44. What do you want for your birthday?

    I haven't thought that far ahead.

    45. How many kids do you want?

    Eh.

    46. Were you named after someone?

    My dad’s grandmother.

    47. Do you wish on stars?

    Nope. Can’t see them.

    49. What kind of shampoo do you use?

    Whatever kind my Mom buys.

    50. Do you like your handwriting?

    Eh.

    51. What is your favourite lunch meal?

    Pasta with cheese sauce.

    52. Any bad habits?

    Lots. Too many to list.

    53. What CD are you most embarrassed to have on your shelf?

    Don’t have a shelf, let alone CD’s, but the answer that you’re looking for is Flo Rida – Right Round - US Album Version.

    56. Do looks matter?

    Not to me.

    57. How do you release anger?

    I bother someone and hit stuff.

    58. Where is your second home?

    The library.

    60. What was your favourite toy as a child?

    My stuffed animals- I only like realistic ones.

    61. How many numbers do you have on your cell phone?

    I don’t have one.

    62. Were you a fan of Barney as a kid?

    Idk.

    63. Do you use sarcasm?

    No! I just lie all the time. *rolls eyes*

    64. Mashed potatoes or Macaroni cheese?

    Mashed potatoes.

    65. What do you look for in a guy?

    How annoyed I can make him.

    66. What are your nicknames?

    Sap.

    68. What's your favourite television show?

    I don't really watch T.V.

    69. What was your actual SAT score?

    Never took them.

    70. What's your favourite ice-cream flavour?

    Vanilla.

    71. Do you have all your fingers and toes?

    Yes.

    72. When was the last time you worked out?

    Gym, in the beginning of the school year, way back in 2012.

    73. Did you notice there was no question 64?

    I’m going backward, loser.

    74. What's the fastest you've gone in a car?

    Ask the driver!

    75. Do you want everyone to answer these questions?

    Eh.

    76. What are you listening to?

    Olly Murs – Troublemaker

    77. Last thing you drank?

    Watermelon, because it counts as half and half.

    78. Last person you talked to on the phone?

    My best friend.

    79. What's the first thing you noticed in the opposite/same gender?

    Face.

    80. Favourite thought-provoking song?

    Ross Lynch – Can’t Do It Without You (Austin & Ally Main Title).

    81. Favourite thing to hate?

    My teachers.

    82. Favourite month of the year?

    March (start of spring)

    83. Favourite zodiac sign?

    Scorpio.

    85. What is your hair colour?

    Brown.

    86. Eye colour?

    Brown

    89. Favourite fast food restaurant?

    Don’t go.

    90. Do you like sushi?

    Ew.

    91. Last thing you watched?

    Despicable Me 2

    92. Favourite day of the year?

    September 12.

    93. Play any musical instruments?

    Piano, microphone, and air guitar.

    94. Republican or Democrat?

    Republican

    95. Kisses or hugs?

    Hugs.

    96. Relationships or one night stands?

    Relationships.

    97. What was the last thing you bought?

    A Six Flags T-shirt

    98. What kind of car do you have?

    I can't drive, it's illegal.

    99. What book are you reading?

    Maximum Ride

    100. Describe your love life:

    I love life. Naw, I’m kidding. I have hate-hate relationships, frenemies, and friends. That’s it.


    DORMITORY:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    DIRTY ROOM

    PRESBYTERIAN:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    BEST IN PRAYER

    ASTRONOMER:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    MOON STARER

    DESPERATION:

    When you rearrange the letters:
    A ROPE ENDS IT

    THE EYES:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    THEY SEE

    GEORGE BUSH:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    HE BUGS GORE

    THE MORSE CODE:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    HERE COME DOTS

    SLOT MACHINES:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    CASH LOST IN ME

    ANIMOSITY:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    IS NO AMITY

    ELECTION - RESULTS:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

    SNOOZE ALARMS:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

    A DECIMAL POINT:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    IM A DOT IN PLACE

    THE EARTHQUAKES:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    THAT QUEER SHAKE

    ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    TWELVE PLUS ONE


    If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing, or a combination of both, copy and paste this into your profile.

    If you are obsessed with FanFiction copy this into your profile.

    If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous FanFictions, copy this onto your profile

    If you've ever snuck on FanFiction when you were supposed to be doing something else, say, your homework, copy and paste into your profile

    If you have ever read a 250 pg book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile

    If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

    Favourite thing to do when bored: write poems,write stories and read mostly,

    If you day-dream about your fictional characters and plot lines in class, copy and paste this onto your profile

    65 percent of Teenagers spend more time watching TV rather then read. If you are part of the 35 percent who read more than watch TV then copy and paste this to your profile.

    If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could have clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

    If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

    If you're easily confused or confuzzled add this to you're profile

    If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile!

    If you're one of the few people who actually reads profiles, copy and paste this into your profile.


    This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and read even if you don't.

    A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

    As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

    The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won't repost it?

    Repost this if you truly believe in God


    !I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her time reading, writing or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak, either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girl friend on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.

    BUT

    I am also the girl who knows how to be proud of who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment.), who loves reading and writing and doing things that no one seems to have time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express her self better with words then actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of thew little things. Copy and paste this to your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time they are unique but not alone : Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysaresodrag, The Dawn is breaking, secilmis yazar,Holly Marie Fowl, FlyingToasterUnite, Cannibilistic Skittles, Puckabrina Rules, As White As Snow, Blood Bond Rose/isodon'tdowritersblock/CinderLunar, Juliette Grimm, Sapphira Volkov!


    My Mother...

    1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE."If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

    2. My mother taught me RELIGION."You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

    3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL."If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

    4. My mother taught me LOGIC."Because I said so, that's why."

    5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC."If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

    6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT."Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

    7. My mother taught me IRONY."Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

    8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS."Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

    9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM."Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

    10. My mother taught me about STAMINA."You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

    11. My mother taught me about WEATHER."This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

    12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY."If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

    13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE."I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

    14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION."Stop acting like your father!"

    15. My mother taught me about ENVY."There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

    16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION."Just wait until we get home."

    17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING."You are going to get it when you get home!"

    18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

    19. My mother taught me ESP."Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

    20. My mother taught me HUMOR."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

    21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

    22. My mother taught me GENETICS."You're just like your father."

    23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS."Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

    24. My mother taught me WISDOM."When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

    25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"


    If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

    Yeah, I'm a loser. but the coolest loser you'll ever meet.

    You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.


    Try Not To Cry

    Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,

    He told his friends that it was cool,

    And when he pulled the trigger back,

    It shot with a great, huge crack.

    Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

    I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

    When I went to school that day,

    I never said good-bye.

    I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

    When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

    And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

    Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

    And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

    And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now.

    And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

    And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

    Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

    Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

    And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

    Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one deserves this, though.

    But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

    I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

    Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

    But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

    When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

    Please listen to me if you would,

    I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

    I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo.

    I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

    I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

    But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late, Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry I had to cancel the date.

    I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

    And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

    In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost

    Please if you would,

    Don't smash this on the ground.

    If you pass this on,

    Maybe people will cry,

    Just keep this in your heart,

    For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".


    Did you know that . . . Kissing is healthy. It's good to cry. Chicken soup actually makes you feel better. 94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers. Lying is actually unhealthy. You really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes. It's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you. 89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move. It's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed. Chocolate will make you feel better. Most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing. A good friend never judges. A good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any. Boys aren't worth your tears. We all love surprises. Now, make a wish. Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and your wish will be granted.


    "Well, I just, like, totally needed some girl time! I mean seriously! I need to talk about it with my girlfriends." Iggy says in an annoying girl falsetto.

    -High school is just peachy here in the Peach State, Lunara7


    Guns don't kill people. Dads with pretty daughters kill people.


    Life is like a book. The plot is awesome, the sarcasm is better, and the author enjoys abusing the characters -Me


    History does not repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each other.


    You can't run from death forever... but you can make the bastard work for it.


    Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality


    I have often regretted my speech, never my silence


    Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.


    Even on the road to hell, flowers can make you smile


    I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book


    Heroism consists in hanging on one minute longer


    If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.

    If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.

    If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.

    If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.


    There is an endin friend,an usin trust, an over in lover, a lie in believe, an if in life, and an ex in next


    Never regret something that once made you smile, because at one time it was exactly what you wanted


    Everything happens for a reason


    Only memories stay the same


    I see absolutely no reason why I can't follow my dreams.


    Live as though there is no tomorrow, and yesterday never happened


    Bitter screaming, winter's bite,

    You shall lose your soul tonight.

    Twisted be thy blackened soul,

    Twisted from the lives you stole.

    So drink deep of life's last breath,

    And welcome the cold embrace of Death.

    -From 'Dementors Lullaby'


    Knowledge is power; Power is the root of all evil.Therefore study evil and excel at it.


    War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.


    Don't follow in my footsteps; I run into walls.


    I'm the kind of person who's friends with someone who walks into a chalkboard and yells at it.


    I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.


    "Quick! Look seductive!" *Poses with hand on face* -Sam5 and Tori6


    Regret Nothing, Deny everything -wishIwereanime


    'Keep your face to the Sunshine and you cannot see the Shadows'-Helen Keller


    "who's really the bad guy the one holding the gun or the one who pointing it?-HoodiLuv


    A good girl is just a bad girl whose never been caught-Unknown


    Don't leave me in this harsh place we call reality-HoodiLuv


    "Who said I'm unstable? I'm just unpredictable." -Naruto in the fic. 'Damaged'


    "Hey someone is waving at you… Oh look, it's your modesty flying out of the window!-Harry to Marvolo in 'Visitor'


    'Holy mother of sheep! What in the name of chickens are you doing? Cheese and crackers woman! Stop killing the brain cells that I have managed to preserve!"-Harry 'The Feel of Feelings'


    "If life's a rainbow, it must suck to be color blind'-HoodilLuv


    'A child is a child and they should never be hurt. For a child's love is the purest of innocence, and their hate is the deadliest of sin."-Iruka fic. 'Damaged'


    'Once you do something, you never forget. Even if you don't remember' - Spirited Away.


    The Awkward moment when...YOU KNOW WHAT? SCREW AWKWARD MOMENTS! MY LIFE IS A AWKWARD MOMENT!! ->:O Tori6


    'Screw Kansas, we skipped Munchkin Land and the yellow brick road and landed all the way in Emerald City."-Harry 'The Feel of Feelings'


    When Life hands you lemons, thank life and read them in private-Sam5


    "You're just as sane as I am"-Luna Lovegood


    A library is a place where you can lose your innocence, without losing your virginity"- Germaine Greer


    Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

    Groucho Marx


    I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

    Douglas Adams


    I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

    Steven Wright


    If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

    Laurence J. Peter


    You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

    Milton Berle


    Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

    George Carlin


    A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.

    Don Marquis


    A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

    Mitch Hedberg


    A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.

    Laurence J. Peter


    A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

    Milton Berle


    Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

    Katharine Hepburn


    I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

    Joe E. Lewis


    All generalizations are false, including this one.

    Mark Twain


    I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

    Joan Rivers


    There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

    Chris Rock


    I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

    Robin Williams


    A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.

    David Brenner


    Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

    Will Rogers


    Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

    Don Marquis


    There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

    Henry A. Kissinger


    All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

    Groucho Marx


    Girls

    are like

    apples on trees.

    The best ones are

    at the top of the tree. The

    boys don’t want to reach

    for the good ones because they

    are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

    Instead, they just get the rotten apples

    from the ground that aren't as good,

    but easy. So the apples at the top think

    something is wrong with them, when in

    reality, they're amazing. They just

    have to wait for the right boy to

    come along, the one who's

    brave enough to

    climb all

    the way

    to the top

    of the tree.


    Bookworms will rule the world... as soon as we finish one more chapter


    We're all a little weird and life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them in mutual weirdness and call it love.

    Dr. Suess


    "Hey, I'd like a coke."

    "Is pepsi okay?"

    "Is monopoly money okay?"


    Old people always poke me at weddings and say "You're next," so I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.


    "Today you are you and that's truer than true. There's no one alive who is youer than you."

    Dr. Seuss


    "Be who you are and say what you mean because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

    Dr. Seuss


    "You is kind, you is smart, you is important."

    Abeline Clark, The Help


    "Everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life thinking it is stupid." Albert Einstein


    "If you put enough pressure on coal, it turns into pearls"Effie Trinket, The Hunger Games


    "My juvenile delinquent is screwing your honor student."- bumper sticker, American Gods.


    "Missy Gunther told me you write for the local paper."

    "Missy Gunther tells everyone everything. I don't see why we need a local paper with Missy Gunther around."

    -American Gods.


    "You," she said, "are so full of shit it's a wonder your eyes don't turn brown." -American


    "That is MAHOGANY!"

    Effie Trinket, The Hunger Games


    "Here's some advice, stay alive." Haymitch Abernathy, The Hunger Games


    "Want a sugar cube?"

    Finnick Odair, Catching Fire


    When life gives you lemons, make grapefruit juice, and let Life wonder how the heck you did that!


    If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.


    Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.


    Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.


    Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.


    The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.


    When in doubt, make words up!


    Kids are the future. Be afraid, Be very afraid!


    Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible?


    I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly.


    If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead. So SHUT UP!


    I don't have a dog. I eat my own homework.


    The grass may be greener, but it's just as hard to mow!


    If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.


    I like you. When I take over the world, your death will be quick and painless.


    A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.


    Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.


    When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.


    The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.


    People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.


    Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people.


    If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.


    You know you live in 2013 when...

    1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

    2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.

    3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace.

    4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

    6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job...


    Read the whole thing if you’re against abortions:

    Month One

    Mommy

    I am only 8 inches long

    but I have all my organs.

    I love the sound of your voice.

    Every time I hear it

    I wave my arms and legs.

    The sound of your heart beat

    is my favorite lullaby.

    Month Two

    Mommy

    today I learned how to suck my thumb.

    If you could see me

    you could definitely tell that I am a baby.

    I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.

    It is so nice and warm in here

    Month Three

    You know what Mommy

    I'm a boy!!

    I hope that makes you happy.

    I always want you to be happy.

    I don't like it when you cry.

    You sound so sad.

    It makes me sad too

    and I cry with you even though

    you can't hear me.

    Month Four

    Mommy

    my hair is starting to grow.

    It is very short and fine

    but I will have a lot of it.

    I spend a lot of my time exercising.

    I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes

    and stretch my arms and legs.

    I am becoming quite good at it too.

    Month Five

    You went to the doctor today.

    Mommy, he lied to you.

    He said that I'm not a baby.

    I am a baby Mommy, your baby.

    I think and feel.

    Mommy, what's abortion?

    Month Six

    I can hear that doctor again.

    I don't like him.

    He seems cold and heartless.

    Something is intruding my home.

    The doctor called it a needle.

    Mommy what is it? It burns!

    Please make him stop!

    I can't get away from it!

    Mommy! HELP me!

    Month Seven

    Mommy

    I am okay.

    I am in G-d's arms.

    He is holding me.

    He told me about abortion.

    Why didn't you want me Mommy?

    Every Abortion Is Just . . .

    One more heart that was stopped.

    Two more eyes that will never see.

    Two more hands that will never touch.

    Two more legs that will never run.

    One more mouth that will never speak.

    Before you take the life of your baby, really consider all your options. Would you rather be fat for a while, or kill your child?


    Read the whole thing if you’re against child abuse:

    Her dad was a drunk

    Her mom was an addict

    Her parents kept her

    Locked in an attic

    Her only friend

    was a little toy bear

    It was old and worn out

    And had patches of hair

    She always talked to it

    When no one's around

    She lays there and hugs it

    Not a peep of sound

    Until her parents

    unlock the door

    Some more and more pain

    She'll have to endure

    A bruise on her leg

    A scar on her face

    Why would she be

    In such a horrible place?

    But she grabs her bear

    And softly cries

    She loves her parents

    But they want her to die

    She sits in the corner

    Quiet but thinking,

    "Please God, why is

    My life always sinking? "

    Such a bad life

    For a sad little kid

    She'd get beaten and beaten

    For anything she did

    Then one night

    Her mom came home high

    And the poor child was beaten

    As hours went by

    Then her mom suddenly

    Grabbed for a blade

    It was sharp and pointy

    One that she made

    She thrusted the blade

    Right in her chest,

    "You deserve to die

    You worthless piece of sh*t!"

    The mom walked out

    Leaving the girl slowly dying

    She grabbed her bear

    And again started crying

    Police showed up

    At the small little house

    Then quickly barged in

    Everything quiet as a mouse

    One officer slowly

    Opened a door

    To find the little girl

    Lying dead on the floor

    It must have been bad

    To go through so much harm

    But at least she died

    With her best friend in her arms


    Come join the dark side. (We have cookies)


    Girl: You should slow down, this is too fast

    Boy: This is how a motorcycle is supposed to feel but if you tell me you love me, i'll slow down

    Girl: I love you!

    Boy: Now you have to give me a hug.

    Girl: (She squeezed around the boys boys waist from behind him)

    Boy: Now you must take my helmet from my head and put it on you then i will slow down.

    Girl: (puts helmet on her head)

    Newspaper headline next morning: Fatal motorcycle accident after brakes went out, male died and female lived being the only one with a helmet.

    In truth the boy knew his brakes went out and told his girlfriend she loved him one last time and to feel her hug then he gave her his helmet so she could live. If you think this is sweet, copy this onto your profile.


    In Remembrance to Severus Snape,

    A Slytherin who died like a Gryffindor,

    In Remembrance to Fred Weasley,

    Who fought bravely to the very end,

    And whose jokes will forever brighten his other half,

    And will loyally await his soul mate and brother,

    With many jokes,

    He's got forever to think of them, right?

    In Remembrance to Dobby,

    Who was more free and full of love,

    Than any elf, and most humans.

    In Remembrance to Remus J. Lupin,

    The last real Marauder,

    Who was not just a wonderful father,

    An incredible husband and a brave hero,

    As well as an awesome werewolf,

    In Remembrance to Nymphadora Tonks,

    Who died for the greater good,

    And would probably hex me for calling her Nymphadora,

    In Remembrance to Alastor 'Mad Eye' Moody,

    Whose motto 'Constance Vigilance' kept him alive,

    In Remembrance to Sirius Black,

    The almost-playboy who got punished for nothing,

    and yet he was powerful because he loved and was loved,

    and was brave and loyal to the point of stupidness!

    In Remembrance to Tom Marvolo Riddle, A.K.A Voldemort,

    Who was pretty cool and cute when he was younger,

    But who got his butt kicked thoroughly in the end,

    In Remembrance to Albus Dumbledore,

    Whose past and wisdom confused us,

    Whose seeming betrayal shocked us,

    But who actually turned out to be an okay guy in the end,

    In Remembrance to Bellatrix Lestrange,

    Because it was awesome how Molly Weasley got her with the Avada Kedavra,

    She deserved everything she got in the end,

    In Remembrance to Colin Creevey,

    Who we really didn't know too well,

    But took a lot of pictures and died fighting in the war,

    So he must've done something good...

    Besides stalking Harry,

    In Remembrance to Hedwig,

    Harry's first real friend,

    Who lived and died soaring.


    "Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.

    Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.

    Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor.

    Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball." -- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban


    You say Twilight

    I say Harry Potter

    You say vampires

    I say wizards

    You say Jacob Black

    I say Sirius Black

    you say Team Edward

    I say Team Potter

    You say Robert Pattison

    I'll say "is Cedric Diggory"

    You say Robert Pattinson is hot

    I say, Then so is Cedric, I guess?

    You think Bella and Edward are the perfect dream couple?

    I think that's Ron and Hermione

    You say Edward

    I'll say Harry, now STUPEFY!!!


    1. Write the name of a person of the opposite gender. Jared

    2. Which is the best: red, black, green, blue, or yellow? Blue

    3. Your first initial? S

    4. Your month of birth? November

    5. Which is cooler, black or white? Black

    6. Name a person of your same gender. Eta

    7. What's your favorite number? 12

    8. Do you like California or Florida more? Florida

    9. Which is prettier, lakes or oceans? Lakes

    10. What is your wish? To get my book published

    Here are the answers:

    1. You are in love with this person.

    2. If you chose:

    Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.

    Black: You are conservative and aggressive.

    Blue: You are spontaneous and enjoy kisses and affection from the ones you love.

    Green: Your soul is laid back and you are reserved.

    Yellow: You are a happy person and give good advice for those who are down.

    3. If your initial is:

    A-K: You have lots of love and friendship in your life.

    L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life will soon blossom.

    S-Z: You are a good friend and your future love life looks very good.

    4. If you were born in:

    Jan.-Mar.: This year will go well for you and very soon you will fall in love with someone you would have least expected.

    Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.

    July-Sept.: You will have a good year and experience a major life changing experience for the good.

    Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but you will eventually find your soul mate.

    5. If you chose:

    Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will like the change.

    White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.

    6. This person is your best friend.

    7. This is how many close friends you will have in a lifetime.

    8. If you chose:

    California: You love adventure.

    Florida: You are a laid back person.

    9. If you chose:

    Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. You are reserved.

    Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

    10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will become true before your next birthday.


    1) i need to tell you a secret. go to 5

    2) the answer is... go to 11

    3) dont get angry. go to 15

    4) calm down don't get frustrated. go to 13

    5) first go to 2

    6) dont be angry just go to 12

    7) i just wanted to say hi

    8) what i wanted to tell you is...is on 14

    9) Be patient and go to 4

    10) this is the last time im going to send u to a number. go to 7

    11) i hope ur not annoyed when i say this...but go to 6

    12) sorry out of order. go to 8

    13) don't get mad just yet...go to 10

    14) i dont know how to say this but... go to 3

    15) You must be really bored so go to 9


    For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)

    I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

    I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

    I'm a BLACK, so I MUST carry a gun.

    I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz

    I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

    I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

    I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.

    I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

    I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

    I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

    I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

    I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

    I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.

    I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.

    I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

    I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.

    I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.

    I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

    I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

    I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

    I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

    I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

    I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

    I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

    I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

    I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

    I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.

    I'm a DANCER, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

    I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.

    I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

    I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

    I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

    I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

    I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

    I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

    I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

    I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

    I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.

    I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".

    I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!

    I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

    I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

    I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

    I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

    I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

    I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

    I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

    I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.

    I have BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

    I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

    I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

    I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.

    I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

    I hang out with GAYS, so I must be gay too.

    I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

    I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.

    I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

    I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.

    I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.

    I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.

    Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

    Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.

    I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.

    I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.

    I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

    I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

    I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

    I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff

    I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks

    I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7

    I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

    I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.

    I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.

    I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

    I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA

    I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect

    I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black

    I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.

    I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

    I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

    I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

    I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister

    I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

    I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

    I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.

    I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

    I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon

    I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

    I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.

    I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.

    I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.

    I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.

    I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

    I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.

    I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.

    I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.

    I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

    I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.

    I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

    I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

    I TELL PEOPLE OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

    My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.

    I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.

    I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.

    I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.

    I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.

    I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse

    I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be gay

    I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.

    I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

    I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.

    I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.

    I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak

    I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

    I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep

    I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a skirt

    I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.

    I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.

    I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.

    I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.

    I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.

    I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.

    I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

    I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.

    I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.

    I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!

    I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.

    I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.

    I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE

    I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser

    I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy

    I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.

    I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.

    I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins

    I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan

    I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion

    I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.

    I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.

    I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.

    I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

    I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.

    I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.

    I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

    I am a WITCH, so I MUST be an OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.

    I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.

    I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast

    I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish

    I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.

    I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.

    I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.

    I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.

    I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s

    I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times

    I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.

    I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.

    I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.

    I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.

    I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.

    I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.

    I CRY EASILY, so I MUST be a wimp.

    I CAN'T HELP POINTING OUT MISTAKES so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist

    I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake

    I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

    I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist


    Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929,SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix,Bust_A_Groover, Tecna, Triggonseed, The Only Innocent Writer Here-Yumi, EstellaB, NarnianMelody, tookieclothespen, bellabookworm9, GoodyGoody23, EdwardIsMyLover, FreakyTwilightLovero, Vampires_Rock,cullendrive, AlexandraCullen, Myself4994, BerryEbilBunny Peace Love Percabeth, LunaBeth203, Mrs.PercyPotter, daughterofA106, HOALemonadeMouthLuvv165, Anjelina-HouseofUnnaturalPrep,LJG526, Black Princess14, lolipoplover1023 Sapphira Volkov!


    If you have ever yelled at an inanimate object copy and paste this into your profile.


    If you love rain, copy this into your profile.


    If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.


    If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

    If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile


    . If you are against child abuse, copy and paste this into your profile.


    If you are in la la land most of the time copy this into your profile.


    If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.


    98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.


    It at one time, you forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.


    If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.


    If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile


    If your obsessed with fan fiction, copy this to your profile.


    If you think your insane because you say so, copy and pate this into your profile.


    If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.


    If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.


    If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.


    If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.


    If you ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this to your profile.


    If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.


    If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.


    If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.


    I do not do drugs. I do sugar. If you're someone who does sugar, copy this into your profile.


    If you’ve ever made faces in front of a security camera then paste this in your profile.


    If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile.


    If you get bored easily, copy and paste this to your profile.


    If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.


    If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile...


    Don't ever frown, you never know who's falling in love with your smile.


    Last night I was laying in bed, looking up at the stars and I thought . . . WHERE THE HECK IS THE CEILING?


    Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!


    Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised that we lied about having cookies?


    We must never, ever be mean to stupid people. If we are, they might go away. Then who would we laugh at?


    Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.


    What girls don't seem to know: when a guy acts like he hates you, chances are, he likes you.

    What guys don't seem to know: when a girl acts like she hates you, chances are, she hates you.


    Don't mess with me, I've got a stick.


    If you can't convince them, confuse them.


    I like you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.


    There are no stupid questions, just stupid people and their questions.


    Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.


    When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back. ;)


    Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.


    I got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the w's. :(


    A true idiot climbs a glass wall to see what's on the other side.


    FactsOfLife

    Being mature is overrated.

    Being weird is like being normal, only better.

    I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

    Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

    One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

    It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

    I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

    As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.

    Silence is golden, duct tape is silver

    When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world wonder how you did it.

    Life is like a pack of gum . . . I've yet to figure out why.

    Be insane . . . because well behaved girls never made history.

    If your name is Mr.Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

    My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

    Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

    To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world

    One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

    It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?

    Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner! Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

    Growing old is mandatory . . . growing up is optional . .

    We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But we teenage girls are good at 2 things: Staying Strong, and Being Ourselves.

    Life was so simple when boys had cooties!

    Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

    I'm not random, I just have many though- OH! A SQUIRREL!


    90% OF TEENS WOULD HAVE A BREAKDOWN IF JUSTIN BEIBER WAS STANDING ON THE EDGE OF THE TOWER READY TO JUMP. COPY AND PASTE THIS IS YOUR ONE OF THE 10% OF PEOPLE THATWOULD BRING A LAWN CHAIR AND POPCORN AND SCREAM "DIE BITCH!!"


    FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella

    BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BRAT RUN!'

    FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

    BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

    FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

    BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

    FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

    BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "THAT WAS FRICKING AWSOME"

    FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

    BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

    FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

    BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

    FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back

    BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

    FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

    BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

    FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

    BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

    FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

    BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

    FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

    BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

    FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

    BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

    FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you

    BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'it’s because your gay isn't it?'

    FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter

    BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this!!

    If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile.

    Funny Phobias If you laugh at any of these, paste it in your profile!

    Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia or Sesquipedalophobia- Fear of long words Doctor: "You have Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia." Patient: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!"

    Unatractivephobia- Fear of ugly people You walk outside to your car and some old ladies walking down the street and you run inside screaming.

    Sophophobia- Fear of learning Mom: "Honey, what did you learn today?" Kid: "MOMMY!! DON'T SAY THE 'L' WORD!!!"

    Scolionophobia- Fear of school Kid: "But Mommy, you're a teacher, what do you mean you don't like school?" Mom/Teacher: "I can just hear all those fingernails on the chalkboard!!"

    Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking Wife: "Just think how wonderful a trip to Paris would be..." Husband: "I WON'T DO IT!! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!"

    The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism

    95% of girls would scream if Justin Bieber went missing: Paste this on your profile if you are one of 5% who would smile and poke your new prisoner with a stick.

    I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."

    Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

    The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

    Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

    "It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.

    She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

    I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

    But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."

    His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

    My heart nearly stopped.

    The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."

    Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me."

    "I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."

    Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

    I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

    "OK" he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

    The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"

    Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''

    "I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

    "My mommy loves white roses."

    A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

    Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

    The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.

    Was this the family of the little boy?

    Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.

    I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

    She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

    I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.

    And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

    Now you have 2 choices:

    1) Repost this message, or

    2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart


    Harry Potter Oath

    I promise to remember Tonks Each time time I knock something down. And I promise to remember Charlie Weasley Whenever I'm out of town.

    I promise not to obey traffic laws For Sirius's sake of course. And I promise to remember Lupin When my heart fills with remorse.

    I promise to remember Arthur Whenever I am at St Mungo's Room. And I promise to remember the Weasley Twins Every time fireworks boom.

    I promise to remember Lily When I see someone who holds pure beauty. And I promise to remember Dobby Whenever a pair of socks spots me.

    I promise to remember Teddy When I see someone with turquoise hair. And I promise to remember Molly When someone tells me they care.

    I promise to remember Ginny Whenever bogey hexes are unfurled. And I promise to remember the Death Eaters When someone speaks of dominating the world.

    Yes, I promise to love Harry Potter Wherever I may go. So that all may see my obsession Because I know what the wizards know

    Sisters Grimm Pledge

    I promise to remember Sabrina when I get angry or loose my temper,

    I promise to remember Puck when I see something disgusting or something I'll always remember,

    I promise to remember Daphne when someone is nice and has a optimistic mood,

    I promise to remember Granny Relda when someone cooks weird food,

    I promise to remeber Mr. Canis when someone is curt and broken,

    I promise to remember Elvis when a dog takes a bath and comes out soakin,

    I promise to remember Red when I see someone quiet and shy,

    I promise to remember Mirror when someone does something with regret, filled with lies,

    Yes, I promise to remember the SIsters Grimm characters where ever I go.


    Percy Jackson Pledge

    I promise to remember Percy whenever I'm at sea,

    I promise to remember Annabeth whenever a spider comes at me,

    I promise to protect nature for Grover's sake of course,

    I promise to remember Luke whenever my heart fills with remorse,

    I promise to remember Chiron whenever I see a sign that says "Free Pony Ride,"

    I promise to remember Tyson when a friend says they'll stick by my side,

    I promise to remember Thalia when a friend is afraid of heights,

    I promise to remember Clarisse whenever I see someone who gives me a fright,

    I promise to remember Bianca when I see a sister scold her younger brother,

    I promise to remember Nico whenever I see someone who doesn't get along well with others,

    I promise to remember Zoè when I watch the stars,

    I promise to remember Rachel when a limo passes my car,

    Yes, I promise to remember Percy Jackson and the Olympians wherever I may go.

    Things I Am NOT allowed to do at Hogwarts:

    1) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.

    2) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.

    3) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

    4) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."

    5) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."

    6) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.

    7) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.

    8) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.

    9) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug a Slytherin Day."

    10) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.

    11) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort.

    12) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

    13) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.

    14) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."

    15) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

    16) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

    17) I will not call the Weasley twins, "bookends."

    18) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of its clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"

    19) I will not lick Trevor.

    20) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.

    21) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself too seriously.

    22) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.

    23)When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall NOT point to the Dark Mark and Shout, "To the Batmobile, Robin!

    24) But yes, I will do it all anyway. Except the one about using House-Elves for bludgers. That is just cruel.

    1 Ways to Annoy a Twilight Fan with Harry Potter

    1. Steal their copy of Twilight and replace it with one of your Harry Potter books in a Twilight dust jacket.

    2. Tell them that Edward is a "hand-me-down" because the Twilight movies got him after the Harry Potter movies were finished with him.

    3. List other "hand-me-downs" from the books, like the last names of Black and Clearwater...

    4. State that you think Edward would be hotter if he had a lightning scar on his forehead.

    5. "Accidentally" call Edward, Cedric.

    6. Explain in detail how any wizard can possess all the gifts (seeing the future, reading minds, etc.), that a vampire would only have one of.

    7. Whenever they mention Jacob Black, innocently ask if they meant Stubby Boardman.

    8. Say that Bella and Filch would make a cute couple.

    9. Flinch whenever they say "Edward" and tell them to say "You-Know-Who."

    10. Whenever they describe the vampires of the Twilight series (sparkly skin, no fangs, etc.), contradict them, and tell them what "real" vampires, out of Harry Potter, are like.

    11. Explain how Twilight werewolves are really Animagi, and ask whether they've registered with the Ministry

    If you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

    If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile.

    On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

    On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

    On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)

    On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!)

    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure?)

    On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)

    On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

    On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)

    On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

    On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.)

    On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)

    On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (But no peas?)

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

    On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

    On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)


    1. Write the name of a person of the opposite gender.

    2. Which is the best: red, black, green, blue, or yellow?

    3. Your first initial?

    4. Your month of birth?

    5. Which is cooler, black or white?

    6. Name a person of your same gender.

    7. What's your favorite number? 8. Do you like California or Florida more?

    9. Which is prettier, lakes or oceans?

    10. What is your wish?

    Done with that? Here are the answers:

    1. You are in love with this person.

    2. If you chose:

    Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.

    Black: You are conservative and aggressive.

    Blue: You are spontaneous and enjoy kisses and affection from the ones you love.

    Green: Your soul is laid back and you are reserved. Yellow: You are a happy person and give good advice for those who are down.

    3. If your initial is:

    A-K: You have lots of love and friendship in your life.

    L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life will soon blossom.

    S-Z: You are a good friend and your future love life look very good.

    4. If you were born in:

    Jan.-Mar.: This year will go well for you and very soon you will fall in love with someone you would have least expected.

    Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.

    July-Sept.: You will have a good year and experience a major life changing experience for the good.

    Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but you will eventually find your soulmate.

    5. If you chose:

    Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will like the change.

    White: You will have a friend who completley confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.

    6. This person is your best friend.

    7. This is how many close friends you will have in a lifetime.

    8. If you chose:

    California: You love adventure.

    Florida: You are a laid back person.

    9. If you chose:

    Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. You are reserved.

    Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

    10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will become true before your next birthday.


    sSS... ... ..sS... ... ... ... ... ... ... . If you're a girl and you have
    ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... sSSS? ... ... .s..sS ... ... ... ... ... . beaten a guy in an arm wrestle,
    ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..sSSS. ... .sS.. sSS.. ... ... ... ... ... ... . copy the Flaming Heart
    ... ... ... ... ... ... ..sSSSS.. ... .sS.. .SS . ... ... ... ... ... ... ... into your profile!
    ... ... ... ... ... ... . SSSSS... ... ... sS... S.. ... ... ... ... ... ... . (sorry guys, girls only)
    ... ... ... ... S. ... .SSSSSSs ... ... .sS... ,
    ... ... ... ...sS. ... SSSSSSSs. ... .SSS.. ... .
    ... ... ... ... SS ... .SSSSSSs.. ... SSs ,
    ... ... ... ...S. ... .SSSSSSSs .sSSS.. ... ..
    ... ... ... ... SS... ... SSSSS..SSSS... s
    ... ... ... ... SSs ... ...SSSSSSSSS ... sS
    ... ... ... ... .SSs... ... ..SSSSSsSSSS ... sSS
    ... ... ... ..s...SSSS ... ..sSSSSSSSS. ..s SS
    ... ... ... .SS.. sSSSS..sSSSSSSSSSSSSS S
    ... ... ... sS.sSSSSsSSSSSSSSSSSSSS S
    ... ... ... .sSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
    ... ... ...sSSSssssSSSSSSSSSSsssssssSSS
    ... ... SSssSSSSsSS
    ... ...sSs
    ... ..s... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..
    ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..


    Women's Vocabulary

    Fine - This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

    Five Minutes - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

    Nothing - This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine".

    Go Ahead - (With Raised Eyebrows!) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

    Go Ahead - (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

    - This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

    - Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

    That's Okay - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".

    Please Do - This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

    Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "You're welcome".

    Thanks A Lot - This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing"


    YOU KNOW YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH READING

    ...when your standard measure of time is how many pages you can read.

    ...when you talk about what happens in books and characters as if your friends would know who they are and you know them personally.

    ...when you sit down to lunch, your friends see the book you're reading and say: "Another one!"

    ...when your friends catch you without a book, and they say, "whats going on? where's your book???"

    ...When your friends look at you like your have lost your mind when you talk something that is not related to a book.

    ...when you would rather read than watch TV

    ...when you stay up LATE at night reading, knowing you'll regret it when you have to wake up next morning.((has happened to me way too many times))

    ...when you read the same book over and over and over and over and over and over (I'm pretty sure you get the message XD) and you don't get bored of it :)

    ...when you think eating and sleeping and other absolute necessities are just a waste of your reading time

    ...when you hear a song you think "that would be a great song for..."

    ...when the first thing you notice about someone is how much they look like [insert character name here].

    ...when you fill the silence with a detailed account of the book you just read.

    ...when you have a crush on a fictional character instead of a real person.


    HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR OBSESSED WITH THE HUNGER GAMES:

    You keep on reading the headlines about uprisings in Egypt as "Uprising in (District) Eight."When you see the word "Pita" and you automatically think of Peeta.

    When you see a bird you think of a Mockingjay.

    You’re now saying OMGale, WIF YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LITTLE WORLD COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE!TFinnick, and Shut the Peeta Bread Up.

    You’ve actually spent time figuring out the district locations.

    You consider doing your "What Animal Am I Like?" school project on a Mockingjay.

    You put anything HG-related in your name.

    You know who might be playing Katniss, Gale or Peeta in the movie.

    You can't pick your favorite book.

    You cried when Rue died.

    You can quote any, usually all, of the books.

    You tell non-readers why this should be the first book they finish in a year and a half.

    You look for where the names came from.

    You go to a book signing.

    You have any HG memoribilia.

    You can relate it to real life.

    You compare other books' themes/characters to it.

    You saw the words "hunger games" and had to read this.

    The first thing you notice about someone is how much they look like [insert character name here].

    You cast the movie for yourself and hate it when others say different.

    You decided to take up archery.

    When you get a cat, you name it Buttercup.

    You plead your parents to get you a goat for your birthday.

    You keep trying to get your dad to get the Seneca Crane beard.

    You told your grandparents an hour long summary of the book so when he went to the movie with you he was saying what the finnick with you.

    After you saw the movie with your mom and friend (neither of them read the book) you got angry when they would think they thought they knew what Katniss was thinking.

    You ask all of your friends weather they're team Peeta of team Gale.

    You own the books and have read them more than once.

    You think of what Katniss named her kids.

    You always misread To Kill a Mockingbird as To Kill a Mockingjay.

    You bribed your friend to read the book with the Josh Hutcherson poster in your HG magazine.

    You actually screamed when Katniss kissed the wrong guy.

    You think that there is a wrong guy.

    You care that there's a wrong guy.

    You can debate who the wrong guy is.

    You accidentally call "Peter", "Peeta".

    You understand these.

    You made a fan version of Rue's Lullaby.

    You made a fan version of The Hanging Tree.

    You listened to a fan version of a song.

    You have a favorite fan version.

    You dress up as a character for Halloween.

    You make your mother drive around town for 3 hours to find a play bow and arrow for said costume.

    You make an entire lunchtime conversation about which guy was better.

    When people say "Which planet is Lady Gaga from?", you say "The Capitol".

    You have the Hunger Games board game.

    You wear your hair in a braid everyday.

    You plan all your outfits according to Katniss' outfits in the books.

    You force yourself to like lamb stew because Katniss likes it.

    You watch all the cake decor/baker shows because that's what Peeta would watch.

    Whenever you hear the word "glimmer" you think THG.

    You realise that saying "Peter" in a British accent sounds like "Peeta".

    When spell check says Peeta or Katniss are not real words you add them to the dictionary.

    You start a THG club.

    You hate roses just cause Snow likes them.

    You flip out when you meet someone that looks like one of the characters.

    You get grey contacts.

    You hate it when people bash the books.

    You hate when people read the books because you are over protective because you are weird like that.

    You use quotes from THG as advice for other people.

    You have started compiling songs for the THG soundtrack.

    You have casted yourself in the movie.

    You have casted yourself as the casting director so you can get the right characters.

    You will bring things to chuck at the movie screen if the movie doesn't turn out right.

    You thing that new movie that's coming out "The Killing Games" is a cheap rip-off of THG.

    You think "The Girl in the Arena" is a rip-off of THG.

    You think the princess from Brave is based off Katniss.

    You fear of Botox because you don't wanna look like Snow.

    When your parents say you have to go to school, you retaliate with "Katniss doesn't have to go to school!"

    You want to work in a coal mine.

    You debate with your science teacher that mockingjays are real animals.

    When you hear the name Gale, you flip out.

    When you see the word cinnamon, you think of Cinna.

    You want to do the time warp to go to the future and visit Panem.

    You have perfected the Capitol accent.

    You dyed you hair to match Effie's.

    - Though I wouldn't. And I can't. ;)

    Go into a hissy fit when people say Twilight is better than THG.

    You made a mockingjay pin.

    You want to light your hair on fire.

    You want sugar cubes, and you would rather like them being served to you by Finnick in his net getup.

    - Though I would find that creepy, some people might find that normal. xD

    You get way too big shirts and tie the excess back so you can have a duck tail.

    You want a watch like Plutarch's, and you want it now.

    You bake and bake and bake until your house burns down.

    On Food Network when they say make a roux, you misinterpret that as Rue.

    You hate snow because of Snow.

    Not a day will go by without you making SOME sort of reference to the THG.

    You have tried making your own metal Mockingjay pin.

    You (and your best friend who has also read THG because you got them to and they, too, got addicted, and also b/c as your best friend they WOULD read THG) have actually spent hours online looking at Mockingjay pins and wishing you were 18 so you could order them.

    You have your own bird pins and have declared them your "Mockingjay pins" (I have 3)

    You want bread with a Mockingjay stamped on it.

    You will sometimes determine if you like a person depending on if they have read the THG series and liked it.

    Whenever you see the word "Uprising" or "rebellion" you think immediately of THG.

    You start having dreams about THG.

    You've bought a Hunger Games T-Shirt. Or want one very,very badly.

    You've talked about this book so much you've convinced some of your friends to read it. And the school librarian.

    Your notebooks are full of THG doodles.

    You know what District you're from.

    You can't go to sleep because you're thinking about THG.

    You're having a normal conversation with someone, and THG always winds up in it.

    You are TOTALLY OBSESSED, AND PROUD OF IT!!

    You accidentally call people Peeta, Katniss, or Gale, based on appearances

    You wear fingerless gloves.

    You pretend to yourself fingerless gloves were invented after THG.

    You so want to learn archery.

    You wish Peeta and Gale and Katniss and Rue and Prim and all the other characters you love were real.

    You actually look up the hunger games on you tube/Google/Wikipedia/or anything else

    You actually complete the unfinished sentence: You know when your obsessed with the hunger games when...

    You finish reading THG or CF in less than a week put together. (I finished them in less than a day each...)

    Your mom/siblings tell you you're obsessed.

    You've decided not to wear make-up or anything, 'cause Katniss doesn't like it. Got this from elsewhere- I don't wear makeup. I detest it too.)

    Someone reads The Hunger Games and says its a bad book, you hate them for life.

    You are reading these lists of things that you do when your obsessed.

    Your desktop picture on your computer is something related to THG. (Mine is the mockingjay pin).

    You counted down till Mockingjay is released, and tell everyone around you, when no one else really cares.

    You have read the book 5 times

    You have already made plans to see the movie

    You spend hours watching trailers and fan made casts

    You have memorized the whole book.

    You see a situation and liken it to the THG some how.

    You think of your worst enemy and President Snow pops into your head.

    You've already decided if you were in the Hunger Games, what your strategy would be.

    When you see a round clock you think of CF or Wiress.

    You're proud that you look similar to that of Katniss's description: (grey eyes, olive skin, black/brown hair that's long and you keep in a braid...I actually do!)

    you stay up until 3 in the morning reading each book.

    You want to find a guy like Gale and Peeta.
    You nicknamed your cat Katniss.
    You buy a shirt that says "Destroy the Capitol!"
    And you freak out on people when they say they haven't read it.

    You threaten your friends until they read the books.

    when others screw it up, by saying "I want Justin Bieber to play Peeta!". You die on the inside.

    You wish you had a Cinna app.

    You dye your cat's fur to look like Buttercup's.

    When you want to freak someone out, you mysteriously put a white rose in their room.

    You run around trying to put gold eyeliner on people.

    You want to make cheese.

    You got o the store and ask if they will take a squirrel for a carton of strawberries.

    You have a "Team Peeta" or "Gale FTW" shirt.

    You make an apron that says "Peeta Bread".

    You are also proud that you look Katnissy too.

    You intentionally fail at flower-arranging, flute-playing, piano-playing, and cooking to be like Katniss.

    Upon purchasing the book, you simply stared at it for a while and smiled, savoring the fact that you finally had it.

    you couldn't stare at it for that long, though, because you just had to read it and see if any of your many theories were right.

    whenever any of your theories was proven right, you pointed at the book and shouted "I KNEW IT!" even if you were still in the bookstore.


    Ask me out and I'll laugh.

    Ask me if I like you as more than a friend and I'll ask, "Are you serious?"

    Ask me if I'm dating someone and I'll say, "Yes, my computer. We have a three-year-long relationship. Our anniversary is on Friday."

    Ask me if I'm busy this weekend and I'll think it over and say, "Well, I have a date with Ben on Friday. Then Saturday I have a date with Jerry. And on Sunday I have a date with Exercise. Mom set us up after she found out about Ben and Jerry. So, dammit, I guess I'm booked."

    Ask me if I want to go to the school dance with you and I'll say, "Sorry, but I already have a date with my T.V."

    Why? That's just how I roll. ;)


    Things Maximum Ride has Taught Us:

    1. Being different is okay.

    2. Even the little things can help save the world.

    3. Red-heads are evil!

    4. Love always makes itself known. Even if it takes you five books and fourteen years of your life to see it, it's there.

    5. 6-year-olds do have the ability to take over the world.

    6. Duct tape is a handy tool if you have a mimicking 8-year-old.

    7. The loss of a vet would be a tragedy.

    8. Dressing in dark clothes and never talking does not make you emo; it makes you Fang-like.

    9. French is the universal language.

    10. Fang-sized is an acceptable form of measurement.

    11. Count your blessings.

    12. Teen magazines don't help you in life or death situations. (eh never was into them anyway)

    13. Nachos and Mountain Dew are proper mind controlling devices.

    14. Fang has the power to sum up your life story in nine words.

    15. Even a kick-ass, leader of a merry band of mutants like Max can make mistakes.

    16. Never get hooked on Valium.

    17. The best breed of dogs are talking Scotties!!

    18. If one cannot be corrupted by power or money, there's always Snicker's bars.

    19. It is okay to sell your soul for a chocolate-chip cookie.

    20. Kids are better than adults.

    21. You'll know the Apocalypse is coming when Max is wearing a dress.

    22. The best cooks are blind pyros.

    23. Submarines are tiny tin cans of doom.

    24. Desert rat should always be cooked to well-done.

    25. School really is an evil place.

    26. Teachers really are out to get you.

    27. Remember to flap.

    28. Only one bird kid could pull off preppy topsiders.

    29. GIRLS KICK BOYS' BUTTS!!

    30. The order of power: God, Jesus ( If you believe in that stuff), Chuck Norris, Max, Fang, Angel, Iggy, Gazzy, Nudge, Total, humans, animals. Brigid, Sam, Dylan and Lissa don’t make the list.

    You know you're addicted to MR when:

    1. You know what MR means first of all.

    2. When someone says “the School,” you think of an experimentation building in Death Valley. Not an educational facility.

    3. Max is a girl’s name.

    4. You have a newfound respect for blind people.

    5. You half-expect dogs to talk and sprout wings.

    6. Looking out to the sky, you want to so badly spot six flying bird kids.

    7. You’d kill to be a bird kid.

    8. You’re neither Team Edward nor Jacob. You’re Team Fang.

    9. You hate the name Brigid, Lissa, and Dylan.

    10. You wish to own an E-shaped house in the Colorado mountains one day.

    11. You’re still single because you want someone like Fang to come and sweep you off your feet. Literally.

    12. You start to like Avan Jogia JUST because he’s going to play Fang in the movie. (i honestly do not know who he is soooo)

    13. Erasers are wolves, not school supplies.

    14. You wish your mom was as cool as Dr. M.

    15. You start to be skeptical of office buildings.

    16. You develop claustrophobia.

    17. Anything that is called “The Institute” makes you think it’s sketchy.

    18. You only WISH you’re friends were pyros.

    19. You automatically think of Fang when you see a kid dressed in all black.

    20. You make a list of ways to kill Lissa and Dylan slowly and painfully.

    21. WHY CAN'T FANG JUST BE REAL???? *coughs awkwardly*

    You might be obsessed with Maximum Ride if...

    you have had romantic fantasies with a character (or two)

    you can give direct quotes from most (if not all) of the important characters

    you have been to the Maximum Ride website in the past month

    you went out and bought the fourth book the day it came out (or ordered it online before then)

    you have called your best friend Max (or Fang)

    you have confused your crush with Fang (or Max)

    you name your dog Total*

    you actually tried to fly*

    overtime you see an actual eraser you scream and hide under your bed*

    you have an obsession for blowing things up*

    you try reading minds*

    you swear your teacher is working for the School*

    you start a blog under the name Fang*

    you swear your dog talks to you*

    you've asked an employee at Target what isle the "Voices" are on.*

    you daily check your back for growing wings.*

    you've tried making a omlette blind-folded.*

    you've told your talkative best friend to "Shut up, already, Nudge!"*

    you screamed when you saw the cover of FANG.*

    you freaked out when you read the cover.*

    you looked at the spoilers the day they came out.*

    You bought the new manga just to read the first 3 chapters of FANG in the back.

    You've convinced everyone you know to read it.Your iPod has a Maximum Ride Playlist.

    Every time you see a tall guy with black hair you stare at him until he leaves.

    Read the books more than once.

    Trying to slap every redhead you see.

    Dream you are with the Flock out flying.

    Fantasize there is a duplicate Fang (or Max or any other character)so that you can get one for yourself.

    Draw Fang's (or Max or any other character) name all over your school notebook.

    Not paying attention in math class because you are reading under your desk.

    If you fantasize about making Total a clone just to appease him.

    You eat your own weight in food

    #You think that Fang will swoop out of the sky one day, knock on your door, and ask for you by name

    #Whenever you see The Wizard of Oz, you think that Toto is Total and you confuse them all the time

    #You know the exact chapter Max had her first brain attack

    #You cried when you read that Fang died and then you read his note

    #You've written your own movie script for The Angel Experiment

    #You're gonna buy midnight tickets for the day the movie comes out

    #You fantasize about meeting the Flock or James Patterson

    #You have mental conversations with yourself about saving the world

    #You rant and rave about what Fang is doing while he's away from Max and the Flock

    #Every time you see a little girl with blonde curls, you wanna go up to her and ask "How's Total and Akila?"

    #When it snows, you pretend it's a blizzard and dig a hole in the snow to "keep warm"

    #You wanna beat up any dude who's wearing a multicolored jumpsuit

    #Every time you see a blonde dude with turquoise eyes, you feel like slapping him and saying "HOW COULD YOU MAKE FANG LEAVE!!!!"

    You're reading this right now

    You cheer when Max and Fang kiss

    You think that the series didn't fall apart around The Final Warning

    You almost or really cried when Fang apparently died


    If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead. So shut up.


    "Microsoft Word, I'm pretty sure I know how to spell my name."


    1. "Mum: What's wrong with you? Are you...drunk?

    2. "Me: No!...yes."


    "Yeah, I've been to the Dark Side. They lied about the cookies."


    About Edward Cullen's Hair * "Maybe he's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline."


    "I Like Trains."


    "If Superman, Dumbledore and Edward Cullen got into a fight, Chuck Norris would win. PERIOD."


    Q:If Princess Bubblegum and Marceline the Vampire Queen got into a fight, who would win?

    A:Werewolf Queen, IT'S ALWAYS WEREWOLF QUEEN!


    "When life hands you Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus and Rebecca Black, throw them back and demand lemons."


    "When life hands you melons, you're Dyslexic."


    "When you die in a dream, you wake up in reality. Ask me what happens when you die in reality."

    "What happens?"

    "You die, stupid. That's why it's called reality."


    "Guys who dress up like bats and spiders clearly have issues."


    Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?


    Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?


    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Sugar is sweet,
    And so are you,
    But the roses are wilting,
    The violets are dead,
    The sugar bowl's empty,
    And so is your head.


    Sarcasm isn't an attitude, it's an ART


    Must press the Red button!


    Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.


    You can't fix stupid.


    I'm an angel honest... the horns are just there to keep the halo straight


    Darn! I thought I had hidden the pitch fork... did anyone notice the tail?


    Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.


    When in doubt...throw a chair.


    Even though he's gone, you can still hear the stupid.


    Wake Up, Read, Eat, Read, Go to School, Read, Eat, Read, Go to Sleep, Repeat


    Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot.


    Watch out for the idiot behind me.


    I ran with scissors, and LIVED!


    Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.


    Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.


    The reason your mama told you not to hit girls is they hit back harder, and sometimes repeatedly.


    When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout


    STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand


    When life throws you lemons... throw something harder back!


    On a scale of one to crazy, I'm a penguin!


    I did not hit you... I simply high fived your face.


    Of course I'm out of my mind... It's dark and scary in there!


    Happiness is just around the corner; too bad the world is round!


    The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.


    Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork.


    Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.


    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.


    If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out.


    When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.


    I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones


    If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.


    I know the traffic signals by heart; green means go, yellow means speed up, and red means check for cops.


    Boys are like wine; They need to have the mess kicked out of them and be left to mature for a while before they become something you are able to have a meal with.


    I used to be normal, then I met the freaks I call friends


    I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS!!


    A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."


    Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking


    An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.


    They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.


    When in doubt, push random buttons!


    You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!


    'Curiosity killed the mutant bird kid.'


    Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn


    There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.


    I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of dead silence because of something that I just got that happened yesterday


    Sometimes I lie awake at night asking myself what I've done wrong, then the voice in my head says, " This is going to take more then one night..."


    The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.


    Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree.


    I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.


    I didn't say it was your fault... just that I was going to blame you


    My attention span is just short enough to annoy you and ignore you at the same time.


    Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.


    Growing old is mandatory, growing up however...


    I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me!


    There are all kinds of art. There's the art of drawing, the art of dancing, the art of science, and of course the refined art of being an idiot


    Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.


    To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.


    The light at the end of the tunnel is a freight train headed your way.


    Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.


    The only way to make my PC faster is throwing it out the window.


    I am temporarily distracted by a sharp, shiny object.


    Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way; wisdom is looking both directions anyway.


    It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and b*tch slap that mother f*cker upside the head


    Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!


    Why don't you slip into something comfortable; like a coma. I will gladly help you.


    Define 'normal'


    I don't suffer from insanity, I am enjoying every minute of it.


    Knowledge is power; Power is the root of all evil. Therefore study evil and excel at it.


    If the opposite of pro is con, what's the opposite of Progress?


    Only two things are infinite: 1)The universe. 2)Human stupidity


    There are few problems that can not be solved with large amounts of explosives.


    Boys don't fall for me; I trip them.


    Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.


    If you think I'm normal, you need to go to a mental hospital.


    What is this 'kindness' you speak of?


    We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.


    There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that it gets strange.


    "Here's a freebie: don't play poker with a kid who can read minds." - Maximum Ride


    "I love Nudge, I really do. But that motor mouth of her's could have turned mother Theresa into an Axe murderer" - Max from Maximum Ride


    "Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear." - Bogs (H Gs)


    "Oh, no-" They weren't even on the runway, and Jonah's father was already immersed in his BlackBerry. "Remember those 'Live Large with the Wiz Generation' posters? Well, guess how that translates into Chinese- 'Jonah Wizard Makes Your Ancestors Fat'." Broderick Wizard (39 clues)


    "I'll grab a zebra; Gaz, you fill all the bubbles with your trademark scent. so people are choking and gagging; and let's throw beef jerky in their eyes! Now, that's a plan!" -Iggy


    "I was going to say he's aimless," the witch replied. "I know he's a bit old to be old to living at home with his mom, but he's had a difficult time holding a job. He's worked at Wendy's, Taco Bell, and Burger King, but it all ends the same way- he challenges his manager to combat, takes over the restaurant, and enslaves his coworkers. Then it's back to video games." - Morgan Le Fay (sisters Grimm)


    "So I hear we get to go to town this weekend. Want to catch a movie or something?--Z
    P.S. That is, if Jimmy doesn't mind.

    Translation: This weekend might be a good chance for us to see each other outside our school in a social environment, free of competition. I do not view other boys as threats, and I enjoy making them seem insignificant by calling them the wrong names. (Translation by Macey McHenry)" -Gallagher girls


    "Captain, like the captain of a ship. And then Terror, you know, T-E-R-O-R." Gasman


    "I'm Keith," he said, "and you're . . . clearly mad, but what's your name?"-Keith (13 little blue envelopes)


    "Who runs a combination cat shelter and hostel?" Keith asked. "With the cat shelter being the primary function? Only people who want to kill you with an axe and then put you in the garden and build a shed on you, that's who." -Keith ( the last little blue envelope)


    "Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies." - Scarlett (suite Scarlett)


    "The only thing that would make her jealous would be if I led a parade riding a unicorn while ballerinas sang love songs." - some one from Fablehaven


    I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahs!" -Gazzy, in Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports.


    Jeb turned to her. "She's incorruptible." Bully for me. "At least by power." I said. "You haven't tried chocolate or cute shoes" Max and Jeb, in Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports.


    "You... are...a... fridge...with...wings...We're...freaking...ballet...dancers!" -Fang, in School's Out Forever


    "I feel like pudding, Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain."-Iggy, in the Angel Experiment


    "I swear to drunk I'm not God!" -Fang, in St. Fang's of Boredom's: Another Form of the Avian Bird Flu


    “I never noticed. You have a nice chest.” Well, then. Hot damn, that’s a way to change the mood. “I could say the same about you, but that’d be sexual harassment.” -Max and Fang in Phoenix Fanatic's: Diary of A Lovesick Mutant


    "Optimism is overrated, Max. Its better to face reality head-on." -The Voice, in School's Out Forever.


    "You die when we die." - Fang, in School's Out Forever.


    "By the way, you don't need the make up" Puck, Sisters Grimm


    "Forget it! Nobody's getting married! Not in New Hampshire, or anywhere else! Not in a box, not with a fox. Now go to sleep before I kill you." -Max, in Max.


    Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.” -Boggs in Mockinjay


    “He looks down at his legs as if noticing his outfit for the first time. Then he whips off his hospital gown, leaving him in just his underwear. "Why? Do you find this" - he strikes a ridiculously provocative pose - "distracting?” -Finnick Odair, Mockinjay.


    "Fire is catching! If we burn, YOU WILL BURN WITH US!"- Katniss Everdeen, in Mockinjay.


    "For Frito-Lay!" - Newel and Doren (Fablehaven again)


    "What you call idiot points, I call awesome dollars." -Seth (Fablehaven)


    "Dreams like a podcast,
    Downloading truth in my ears.
    They tell me cool stuff."
    "Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
    He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."
    "A god named Fred?" - Percy and Apollo (Percy Jackson series)


    Iroh: Who knew floating on a piece of driftwood for three weeks with no food or water and sea vultures waiting to pluck out your liver could make one so tense!

    [He walks over to Zuko sulking nearby.]

    Iroh: I see, it's the anniversary, isn't it?

    Zuko: Three years ago today I was banished. I lost it all. I want it back. I want the Avatar. I want my honor, my throne. I want my father not to think I'm worthless.

    Iroh: I'm sure he doesn't. Why would he banish you if he didn't care?

    [Zuko gets up and walks away.]I

    roh: Erm, that came out wrong, didn't it?- avatar the last airbender


    "He cleared his throat and held up one hand dramatically.
    “Green grass breaks through snow.
    Artemis pleads for my help.
    I am so cool.”

    He grinned at us, waiting for applause.
    "That last line was four syllables.” Artemis said.
    Apollo frowned. “Was it?”
    “Yes. What about I am so big headed?”
    “No, no, that’s six syllable, hm.” He started muttering to himself.
    Zoe Nightshade turned to us. “Lord Apollo has been going through this haiku phase ever since he visited Japan. Tis not as bad as the time he visited Limerick. If I’d had to hear one more poem that started with, There once was a goddess from Sparta-"
    “I’ve got it!” Apollo announced. “I am so awesome. That’s five syllables!” He bowed, looking very pleased with himself." (Percy Jackson series)


    Zuko: I made you some tea. I hope I made it the way you like it.Iroh [Takes a sip and grimaces: Good. [Takes another sip, but is clearly unsatisfied.] That was very, uh... bracing. [Smiling politely. Throws tea out the window when Zuko's not looking.]Zuko: So Uncle, I've been thinking. It's only a matter of time before I run into Azula again. I'm going to need to know more advanced fire bending if I want to stand a chance against her. I know what you're gonna say: she's my sister and I should be trying to get along with her—Iroh: No, she's crazy and she needs to go down.-Avatar: the last airbender


    "That’s Narmer with the spoon,” I guessed. “Angry because the other bloke stole his breakfast cereal?" -Sadie (Kane chronicles)


    "We were halfway back to the fireplace when Set caught us by surprise.
    He was going on with his list of ridiculous ingredients: "And snake skins. Yes, three large ones, with a sprinkling of hot sauce--" Then he stopped abruptly, like he'd had a revelation. He spoke in a much louder voice, calling across the room. "And a sacrificial victim would be good! Maybe a young idiot magician who can't do a proper invisibility spell, like CARTER KANE over there!"
    Menshikov stared right at me. "My, my... how kind of you to deliver yourselves. Well done, Set."
    "Hmm?" Set asked innocently. "Do we have visitors?" (Kane chronicles)


    "Don't have to see," the pilot grunted. "Olga knows the way."
    "Funny name for an aircraft," Grace commented. "Is it after your wife?"
    "My gun."
    Grace stared at him. "You named your plane after a gun?"
    "It was a very good gun." - Grace and plane pilot (39 clues)


    ""Caught in a bad romance. Whoaaa-oh-ooooh!" Nellie wailed along to the XM radio blaring from the enormous speakers."Can I uncover my ears now?" Dan called from the back, where he was reclined across the leather seat. "Has Nellie stopped her Lady Gag Me impression?" - Dan and Nellie (39 clues)


    "Why can't you just lie and cheat like the others?" Dan snapped. "Can't you just see that's better than being nice one minute and then turning around and selling us out? It may be very Cahill, but it stinks! Grace had a saying: Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, I'll conk you with this pet carrier!"- Dan (39 clues)


    "Amy turned to Nellie. "Can you create a diversion to draw the clerk outside?"
    The au pair was wary. "What kind of diversion?"
    "You could pretend to be lost," Dan proposed. "The guy comes out to give you directions, and we slip inside."
    "That's the most sexist idea I've ever heard," Nellie said harshly. "I'm female, so I have to be clueless. He's male, so he's got a great sense of direction."
    "Maybe you're from out of town," Dan suggested. "Wait–you are from out of town."
    Nellie stashed their bags under a bench and set Saladin on the seat with a stern "You're the watchcat. Anybody touches those bags, unleash your inner tiger."
    The Egyptian Mau surveyed the street uncertainly. "Mrrp."
    Nellie sighed. "Lucky for us there's no one around. Okay, I'm going in there. Be ready."
    The clerk said something to her–probably May I help you? She smiled apologetically. "I don't speak Italian."
    "Ah–you are American." His accent was heavy, but he seemed eager to please. "I will assist you." He took in her black nail polish and nose ring. "Punk, perhaps, is your enjoyment?"
    "More like a punk/reggae fusion," Nellie replied thoughtfully. "With a country feel. And operatic vocals."
    The clerk stared in perplexity.
    Nellie began to tour the aisles, pulling out CDs left and right. "Ah–Artic Monkeys–that's what I'm talking about. And some Bad Brains–from the eighties. Foo Fighters–I'll need a couple from those guys. And don't forget Linkin Park..."
    He watched in awe as she stacked up an enormous armload of music. "There," she finished, slapping Frank Zappa's Greatest Hits on top of the pile. "That should do for a start."
    "You are a music lover," said the wide-eyed cashier.
    "No, I'm a kleptomaniac." And she dashed out the door." -Nellie


    "Just then a word floated out through the buzz saw of Zapata-speak: Nefertari. Dan tuned back in.
    "...the most beautiful tomb in Egypt," Ms. Zapata was saying. "You probably know the queen because there's a famous bust of her."
    A photo flashed on the screen.
    Dan raised his hand. "That's Nefertiti," he said. "Different queen."
    Ms. Zapata frowned. She looked at her notes. "You could be right, Dan. Uh...let's move on."
    Another slide flashed on-screen. "Now, this is the inner chamber of the tomb, where she was laid to rest."
    Dan's hand rose again. Ms. Zapata closed her eyes.
    "Actually? That's the side chamber."
    "Really." Ms. Zapata's lips pressed together. "And how do you know this, Dan?"
    "Because..." Dan hesitated. Because I was there. Because I was locked inside the tomb with an ex-KGB spy, so I got to know it pretty well.
    "Especially since the tomb is closed for conservation," Ms. Zapata said.
    Yeah. But we had this connection to an Egyptologist? Except he turned out to be a thief and a liar, so we captured him. I came this close to smashing him with a lamp..." -Dan(39 clues)


    "Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be ever in your favor." -Effie (HG)


    "So it's you and a syringe against the Capitol? See, this is why no one lets you make the plans." -Haymitch (HG)


    Finnick?" I say, "Maybe some pants?"
    He looks down at his legs as if noticing his outfit for the first time. Then he whips off his hospital gown leaving him in just his underwear. "Why? Do you find this" -- he strikes a ridiculously provocative pose -- "distracting?"
    I laugh. Boggs looks embarrassed and Finnick looks more like the guy I met at the Quarter Quell" -Finnick and Katniss (HG)


    When you see someone with black clothes, you don't think goth. You think shadowhunter.

    You spend lots of money on hebel design. (Their stuff is great. I've spent about a hundred dollars on that site)

    You buy silver pens to draw in yourself so that it looks like you have a stele.

    You don't find it weird Magnus and Alec are together, it just seems right.

    You have no clue how to find the hypotenuse of a triangle, but you have memorized all the runes, what they are and what they look like.

    You spend hours reading and writing mortal instruments Fanfiction. (So me.)

    This is from Mrs. Dylanlightwoodivashlov

    When you have a prejudiced opinion about people named Sebastian.

    When you stalk Cassie Clares Twitter.

    When you're afraid of something you act like you're a shadow hunter and wherever it is, is and through it.

    When as soon as you finished city of lost souls the new backgrounds on your computer became the countdown for city of heavenly fire.

    When the background before that was a close up of Jace's face on the cove of city of lost souls.

    When you start a collection of shadow hunter stuff that you ordered online.

    You freak out when ever there's of a TID character in a TMI book. *cough* *cough* Tessa *cough* *cough

    Tessa exploded "I am not asking you to maul me in the Whispering Gallery! By the Angel, Will, would you stop being so polite?!"
    He looked at her in amazement. "But wouldn't you rather-"
    "I would not rather. I don't want you to be polite! I want you to be Will! I don't want you to indicate points of architectural interest to me as if you were a Baedecker guide! I want you to say dreadfully mad, funny things, and make up songs and be-" The Will I fell in love with, she almost said. "And be Will," she finished instead. "Or I shall strike you with my umbrella."
    "I am trying to court you," Will said in exasperation. "Court you properly. That's what all this has been about. You know that, don't you?"
    "Mr. Rochester never courted Jane Eyre," Tessa pointed out.
    "No, he dressed up as a woman and terrified the poor girl out of her wits. Is that what you want?"
    "You would make a very ugly woman."
    "I would not. I would be stunning."
    Tessa laughed. "There," she said. "There is Will. Isn't that better? Don't you think so?"
    "I don't know," Will said, eyeing her. I'm afraid to answer that. I've heard that when I speak, it makes American women wish to strike me with umbrellas."
    Tessa laughed again, and then they were both laughing, their smothered giggles bouncing off the walls of the Whispering Gallery. After that, things were decidedly easier between them, and Will's smile when he helped her down from the carriage on their return home, was bright and real.”
    ― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Princess

    On Tue, Aug 13, 2013 at 2:32 PM, Sapir Itshakov sitshakov@gmail.com> wrote:

    “It had been June, the bright hot summer of 1937, and with the curtains thrown back the bedroom had been full of sunlight, sunlight and her and Will's children, their grandchildren, their nieces and nephews- Cecy's blue eyed boys, tall and handsome, and Gideon and Sophie's two girls- and those who were as close as family: Charlotte, white- haired and upright, and the Fairchild sons and daughters with their curling red hair like Henry's had once been.
    The children had spoken fondly of the way he had always loved their mother, fiercely and devotedly, the way he had never had eyes for anyone else, and how their parents had set the model for the sort of love they hoped to find in their own lives. They spoke of his regard for books, and how he had taught them all to love them too, to respect the printed page and cherish the stories that those pages held. They spoke of the way he still cursed in Welsh when he dropped something, though he rarely used the language otherwise, and of the fact that though his prose was excellent- he had written several histories of the Shadowhunters when he's retired that had been very well respected- his poetry had always been awful, though that never stopped him from reciting it.
    Their oldest child, James, had spoken laughingly about Will's unrelenting fear of ducks and his continual battle to keep them out of the pond at the family home in Yorkshire.
    Their grandchildren had reminded him of the song about demon pox he had taught them- when they were much too young, Tessa had always thought- and that they had all memorized. They sang it all together and out of tune, scandalizing Sophie.
    With tears running down her face, Cecily had reminded him of the moment at her wedding to Gabriel when he had delivered a beautiful speech praising the groom, at the end of which he had announced, "Dear God, I thought she was marrying Gideon. I take it all back," thus vexing not only Cecily and Gabriel but Sophie as well- and Will, though too tired to laugh, had smiled at his sister and squeezed her hand.
    They had all laughed about his habit of taking Tessa on romantic "holidays" to places from Gothic novels, including the hideous moor where someone had died, a drafty castle with a ghost in it, and of course the square in Paris in which he had decided Sydney Carton had been guillotined, where Will had horrified passerby by shouting "I can see the blood on the cobblestones!" in French.”
    ― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Princess

    “Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face.”
    ― Jim Butcher, Storm Front

    Max: "Will you quit that?"
    Fang: "Quit what? Breathing?"
    Max: "You know what."

    Gasman: "What does that mean" (points to a sign that says Stay Off the Third Rail!)
    Fang: "It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn."

    Fang: "Man, you weigh a freaking ton. What've you been eating, rocks?"
    Max: "Why, is your head missing some?"

    Dr. Martinez: "I take it you don't want me to call your parents?"
    Max: "Um, no." Hello, lab? May I speak to a test tube, please? (The Angel Experiment)

    Agent: “And how do you spell that?”
    The Gasman: “Captain, like the captain of a ship. And then terror, you know, T-E-R-O-R.”

    Iggy: “Max? Can I come in?”
    Max: “No – I’m in a towel.”
    Iggy: “I’m blind.”
    Max: “No! You’re kidding! Are you sure?” (School’s Out – Forever)

    Max: “What I said yesterday didn’t mean anything! I love everyone in the flock! Plus, it was the Valium talking!”

    Fang: “Uh-huh. You just keep telling yourself that. You looove me. Pick a tree. I’ll go carve out initials in it.”

    Ter Borcht: “Is dere anysing special about you?”
    Fang: “Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica.”

    Um… I once ate nine Snickers bars in one sitting. Without barfing. That was a record!”
    Ter Borcht: “Hardly a special talent.”
    Nudge: “Yeah? Let’s see you do it.”
    Gazzy: (in ter Borcht’s voice) “I vill now eat nine Snickers bars, visout bahfing.” (Saving the World and other Extreme Sports, by James Patterson)

    Gazzy: “Dive-bomb!”
    Max: “No, Gazzy, don’t! It’s a government building! They’re even more paranoid than we are!”

    Nudge: “No. I looked for you too. Were you behind the tree?”
    Fang: “I was right here!”
    Iggy: “I didn’t see you either, man.” (Final Warning)

    Max: “Did you leave the flamethrowers lying around again?”
    Fang: “I always forget.” (MAX)

    "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you originally asked for"

    "That's why when major badasses greet each other in movies, they don't say anything, they just nod. The nod means, 'I' am a badass, and I recognize that you, too, are a badass,' but they don't say anything because they're Wolverine and Magneto and it would mess up their vibe to explain."

    "Stay away from my blades, in fact, don't touch any of my weapons without my permission.'
    "Well, there goes my plan for selling them all on eBay," Clary muttered.
    "Selling them on what?"
    Clary smiled blandly at him, "A mythical place of great magical power."

    Clary wasn't sure what she'd expected. Exclamations of delight, perhaps a smattering of applause. Instead there was silence, broken only when Jace said, "Somehow, I thought it would be bigger."
    Clary looked at the Cup in her hand. It was the size, perhaps, of an ordinary wineglass, only much heavier. Power thrummed through it, like blood through living veins. "It's a perfectly nice size," she said indignantly.
    "Oh, it's big enough," he said patronizingly, "but somehow I was expecting something… you know." He gestured with his hands, indicating something roughly the size of a house cat.
    "It's the Mortal Cup, Jace, not the Mortal Toilet Bowl," said Isabelle.

    "So what happens when the moon comes up?" she asked. "Are you all going to suddenly wolf out, or what?"

    "So when the moon's only partly full, you only feel a little wolfy?" Clary asked.
    "You could say that."
    "Well, you can go ahead and hang your head out the car window if you feel like it."
    Luke laughed. "I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever."

    "Jesus!" Luke exclaimed.
    "Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Though I've been told the resemblance is startling."

    "You hate the Silent Brothers," protested Isabelle.
    "I don't hate them," said Jace candidly. "I'm afraid of them. It's not the same thing."
    "I thought you said they were librarians.," said Clary.
    "They are librarians."
    Simon whistled. "Those must be some killer late fees."

    "Looking Better in Black than our Enemies Since 1234" (City of Bones)

    "I'm pure at heart. It repels dirt,"

    Isabelle looked dubious. "Mom and dad won't be pleased if they find out."
    "That you freed a possible criminal by trading away your brother to a warlock who looks like a gay Sonic the Hedgehog and dresses like the Child Catcher from 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'?" Simon inquired. "No, probably not."

    "Every time I annoy him he retreats into his No Mundanes Allowed tree house." Simon pointed at Jace.

    Watching Jace hug Isabelle, she tried to school her features into a happy and loving expression.
    "Are you alright?" Simon asked, with some concern. "Your eyes are crossing."
    "I'm fine." Clary abandoned the attempt.
    "Are you sure? You looked sort of... contorted."
    "Something I ate."

    "No, I'm a very naughty boy. I do all sorts of bad things. I kick kittens, I make rude gestures at nuns," (City of Ashes)

    "I always thought that it was 'Good things come to those who do the wave. No wonder I've been so confused all my life."

    "So technically,'. even though Jace isn't actually related to you, you have kissed your brother."

    "You had to make a crazy jail friend, didn't you? You couldn't just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do,"

    Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "If you'd been a vampire, this would have been a lot more useful."
    "Yes," said Jace. "Or, you know, just someone with a lot of coats."

    "But if you ever need anything..." She let the sentence hang in the air."
    "Need anything?"
    "Protection. You know. SO you can be more careful." Isabelle said. She sounded as practical as if she were talking about extra buttons. (City of Fallen Angels)

    "I am a man, and men do not consume pink beverages. Get thee gone, woman, and bring me something brown." (Cityof Glass)

    “As far as I’m concerned, this is the worst thing that’s happened since I found out why Magnus was banned from Peru.”

    “Missing, one stunningly attractive teenage boy. Answers to 'Jace' or 'Hot Stuff”

    “She turned and looked at him. "Ducks?" she said again.
    A smile tugged the edge of his mouth. "I hate ducks. Don't know why. I just always have.”

    “Basia coquum," Simon said. "Or whatever their motto is."
    "It's 'Descensus Averno facilis est.' 'The descent into hell is easy," said Alec. "You just said "Kiss the cook."
    "Dammit," said Simon. "I knew Jace was screwing with me.”

    “You stole a boat,” she snapped. “What am I doing with you, you boat-stealing lunatic?”

    “How was the Seelie Queen?"
    "Same as usual."
    "Raging bitch, then?"
    "Pretty much.”

    “What have you done to my cat?" Magnus demanded... "You drank his blood, didn't you? You said you weren't hungry!"
    Simon was indignant. "I did not drink his blood. He's fine!" He poked the Chairman in the stomach. The cat yawned. "Second, you asked me if I was hungry when you were ordering pizza, so I said no, because I can't eat pizza. I was being polite."
    "That doesn't get you the right to eat my cat."
    "Your cat is fine!" Simon reached to pick up the tabby, who jumped indignantly to his feet and stalked off the table. "See?"
    "Whatever.”

    “I stabbed you. With a massive sword. You caught on fire."
    His lips twitched, almost imperceptibly. "Okay, so maybe our problems aren't like other couples.”

    “I've noticed the Fair Folk often say 'perhaps' when there is a truth they want to hide," Clary said. "It keeps you from having to give a straight answer."
    "Perhaps so," said the Queen with an amused smile.
    "'Mayhap' is a good word too," Alec suggested.
    "Also 'perchance,'" Izzy said.
    "I see nothing wrong with 'maybe'," said Simon. "A little modern, but the gist of the idea comes across.”

    “I hope you told him you were bitten by a gay spider.”

    “Now that I'm in your mind, want to see some naked mental pictures of Jace?”

    “Even the trip through the Portal had not disarranged Magnus's hair spikes. He tugged on one proudly. "Check it out", he said to Isabelle.
    "Magic?"
    "Hair gel. $3.99 at Ricky's.” (City of Lost Souls)

    “Well, she's not responding to my advances," he observed more brightly than he felt, "so she must be dead."
    "Or she's a woman of good taste and sense.”

    “Remember when you tried to convince me to feed a poultry pie to the mallards in the park to see if you could breed a race of cannibal ducks?"

    "They ate it too," Will reminisced. "Bloodthirsty little beasts. Never trust a duck.”

    “So you're a Shadowhunter,' Nate said. 'De Quincey told me that you lot were monsters.'
    'Was that before or after he tried to eat you?' Will inquired.”

    “How rude. Many who have gazed upon me have compared the experience to gazing
    at the radiance of the sun."
    Jem still had his eyes closed. "If they mean it gives you a headache, they aren't wrong.” (Clockwork Angel)

    “Demon pox, oh demon pox
    Just how is it acquired?
    One must go down to the bad part of town
    Until one is very tired.
    Demon pox, oh demon pox, I had it all along—
    Not the pox, you foolish blocks,
    I mean this very song—
    For I was right, and you were wrong!” (Clockwork Prince)

    “A very magnanimous statement, Gideon,” said Magnus.
    “I’m Gabriel.”
    Magnus waved a hand. “All Lightwoods look the same to me.”

    “You don't think I can fight." Tessa said, drawing back and matching his silvery gaze with her own. "Because I'm a girl."
    "I don't think you can fight because you're wearing a wedding dress", said Jem. "For what it's worth, I don't think Will could fight in that dress either."
    "Perhaps not," said Will, who had ears like a bat'a. "But I would make a radiant bride.”

    “I'm afraid to answer that. I've heard that when I speak, it makes American women wish to strike me with umbrellas.”

    “You know,” Cecily said, “you really didn’t have to throw that man through the window.”

    “It's all very romantic," Gabriel said, and then frowned. "Or it would be, if my brother could get a word out without sounding like a choking frog. I fear he will not go down in history as one of the world's greatest wooers of women.”

    “A forty-foot worm?" Will muttered to Jem as they moved through the Italian garden, their boots - thanks to a pair of Soundless runes - making no noise on the gravel. "Think of the size of the fish we could catch."

    “I like that stick of yours," he said.
    "It's a staff." Jem swung out to knock another automaton sideways. "Made by the Iron Sisters, only for Silent Brothers.""Anyone can sharpen a stick."
    "It's a staff," Jem repeated, and saw Will's quicksilver smile out of the corner of his eye.” (Clockwork Princess)

    "She glanced at the minotaur horn in my hands, then back at me. I imagined she was going to say, You killed a minotaur! or Wow, you're so awesome! or something like that.
    Instead she said, "You drool when you sleep."

    “How did you die?"
    "We er...drowned in a bathtub."
    "All three of you?"
    "It was a big bathtub.”

    Hades raised an eyebrow. When he sat forward in his throne, shadowy faces appeared in the folds of his black robes, faces of torment,as if the garment was stitched of trapped souls from the Fields of Punishment, trying to get out. The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades' underwear?

    She'd also called me brave...unless she was talking to the catfish.

    Braccas meas vescimini!"

    I wasn't sure where the Latin came from. I think it meant 'Eat my pants!

    “Why can't you place a blessing like that on us?" I asked.

    "It only works on wild animals."

    "So it would only affect Percy," Annabeth reasoned.

    "My mom created the olive tree. The people saw that her gift was better, so they named the city after her."
    "They must really like olives."
    "Oh, forget it."
    "Now, if she'd invented pizza- that I could understand."

    I'd love to tell you I had some deep revelation on my way down, that I came to terms with my own mortality, laughed in the face of death, et cetera.
    The truth? My only thought was: Aaaaggghhhhh! (The Lightning Thief)

    "Dance you guys!" Thalia ordered. "You look stupid just standing there."
    I looked nervously at Annabeth, then at the groups of girls who were roaming the gym.
    "Well?" Annabeth asked.
    "Um, who should I ask?"
    She punched me in the gut. "Me, Seaweed Brain."
    "Oh. Oh right."

    "Let us find the dam snack bar." Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."
    Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"
    Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?"
    "Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."
    Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."...I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand."
    "I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said.
    "And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt."

    "We've got a dam hole."
    “Huh?”Hazel frowned.
    “Sorry, inside joke.” (Mark of Athena)

    "That's us," he said. "Those five nuts right there."
    "Which one is me?" I asked.
    "The little deformed one," Zoe suggested.
    "Oh, shut up."

    "Dreams like a podcast,
    Downloading truth in my ears.
    They tell me cool stuff."

    "Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
    He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."
    "A god named Fred?"

    Aphrodite: "Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"
    Percy: "Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"
    Aphrodite: "Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart." (Titan's Curse)

    "God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!"
    Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!""

    Rachel: They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb.
    Annabeth: Was it hard?"

    "my mother made a squeaking sound that might of been either "yes" or "help".
    Poseidon took it as a yes and came in.

    Paul was looking back and forth between us, trying to read our expressions. finally he stepped forward.
    "hi, I'm Paul Blofis"
    Poseidon raised an eyebrow and then shook his hand.
    "blowfish did you say?""ah, no.Blofis , actually."
    "oh i see," Poseidon said. "a shame. i quite like blowfish. i an Poseidon."
    "Poseidon? that's an interesting name."
    "yes, i like it. I've gone by other names, but i do prefer Poseidon."
    "like the god of the sea."
    "very much like that, yes"

    "well!" my mother interrupted. "um, were so glad you could drop by. Paul, this is Percy's father."
    "ah." Paul nodded, though he didn't look real pleased.
    "i see."
    Poseidon smiled at me. "there you are. my boy. and Tyson, hello, son!"
    "daddy!" Tyson [shouted]...

    Paul's jaw dropped. He stared at my mother. "Tyson is..."
    "not mine," she promised. "it’s a long story." (GUESSING WHERE THIS GOES)

    There were a lot of answers I might've given, from "I knew that" to "LIAR!" to "Yeah right, and I'm Zeus."

    I nodded, looking at Rachel with respect. "You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush." (Battle of the Labyrinth)

    “With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.”

    "A half blood of the eldest dogs"
    "Er, Percy? That's gods, not dogs."
    "Shall reach sixteen against all odds
    And see the world in endless sleep
    The hero’s soul, cursed blade shall reap
    A single choice shall end his days
    Olympus to… Pursue…"
    “It’s preserve, Percy. "
    “I knew that. Olympus to preserve or raze."

    "Curse me eh? I'll make you pay. I don't want to rhyme all day!"

    I don't recommend shadow travel if you're scared of:
    a) The dark
    b) Cold shivers up your spine
    c) Strange noises
    d) Going so fast you feel like your face is peeling off
    In other words, I thought it was awesome.

    The throne rumbled. A wave of gale-force anger slammed into me.
    WHO DARES-
    The voice stopped abruptly, The anger retreated, which was a good thing, because just those two words had almost blasted my mind to shreds.
    Percy. My fathers voice was still angry but more controlled. What-exactly-are you doing on my throne?
    "I'm sorry, Father," I said. "I needed to get your attention."
    This was a very dangerous thing to do. Even for you. If I hadn't looked before I blasted, you would now be a puddle of seawater.

    My brother broke into a toothy grin. "Yay! Your brain works!”

    “Erre es korakas, Blinky!" Dionysus cursed. "I will have your soul!”

    Everybody was patting Nico on the back, complimenting him on his fighting. Even the Ares kids thought he was pretty cool. Hey, show up with an army of undead warriors to save the day, and suddenly you're everybody's best friend.

    One passed us, swimming in a hurry. His eyes were bright green, like that stuff they put in glo-sticks, and his teeth were shark teeth. They don't show you stuff like that in "The Little Mermaid.

    "Hmm," Ares mused. "That means I can smash him to a pulp as often as I want, and he'll just keep coming back for more. I like this idea.”

    “We need music," Nico said. "How's your singing?"
    "Um, no. Can't you just, like, tell it to open? You're the son of Hades and all."
    "It's not so easy. We need music."
    I was pretty sure if I tried to sing, all I would cause was an avalanche.

    I planned to walk in slow and courageous like a real hero. As soon as the water touched my legs, my muscles turned to jelly and i fell face first into the current.

    "It's him," I said. "Typhon."
    I was seriously hoping Chiron would say something good, like 'No, that's our huge friend Leroy! He's going to help us!' (The Last Olympian)

    "Two hundred Romans, and no one’s got a pen? Never mind!"
    He slung his M16 onto his back and pulled out a hand grenade. There were many screaming Romans. Then the grenade morphed on a ballpoint pen, and mars began to write.
    Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed, can your sword do grenade form
    Percy mouthed back, no. Shut up.

    Reyna's hand rested halfway between her danger and the jelly beams. Percy had a feeling that if he made a sudden move, she wouldn't be grabbing for the candy.

    "I'll be back," he said. He felt pretty stupid talking to a t-shirt...

    "I'm not leaving for good. But I have to help these guys. They took mean. They deserve to survive."
    The T-shirt didn't answer, thankfully.

    Hazel pointed to the rock. "A big pile of schist."
    "Excuse me?"

    Percy already felt like the lamest demigod in the history of lame. The purse was the final insult.

    Eat seals. The whale responded. Are you seals?
    No. Percy admitted. I've got a man satchel full of macrobiotic beef jerky though.
    The whale shuddered. Promise bit to feed me this, and I will take you north.
    Deal

    "Oof!" Hazel fell to her knees and tried to put on her best seasick face. "I'm feeling nauseous! Can't...Walk...Amazons...too...scary"

    "Um...is that thing tame?" Frank said.
    The horse whinnied angrily.
    "I don't think so." Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man.'"

    "I can't believe how much this place had grown," Hazel muttered.
    The taxi driver grinned in the rear view mirror. "Been a long Time since you last visited miss"About seventy years," Hazel said.
    The driver slid the glass partition coded and drove on in silence.

    "You think it's okay that we're eating Rudolph?"
    "Dude," Percy said, "I could eat Prancer and Blitzen too. I'm hungry." (Son of Neptune)

    "I'll step aside for Jason," Percy said easily. "It's no biggie."
    "No biggie?" Octavian choked. "The praetorship of Rome is no biggie?"

    “On the bright side, both Jason and I outrank you, Octavian. So we can both tell you to shut up.”

    “What are we, kids?” Jason asked.
    Hedge snorted. “Kids are baby goats. They’re cute, and they have redeeming social value. You are definitely not kids.”

    On Tue, Aug 13, 2013 at 2:25 PM, Sapir Itshakov sitshakov@gmail.com> wrote:

    “Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face.”
    ― Jim Butcher, Storm Front

    Max: "Will you quit that?"
    Fang: "Quit what? Breathing?"
    Max: "You know what."

    Gasman: "What does that mean" (points to a sign that says Stay Off the Third Rail!)
    Fang: "It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn."

    Fang: "Man, you weigh a freaking ton. What've you been eating, rocks?"
    Max: "Why, is your head missing some?"

    Dr. Martinez: "I take it you don't want me to call your parents?"
    Max: "Um, no." Hello, lab? May I speak to a test tube, please? (The Angel Experiment)

    Agent: “And how do you spell that?”
    The Gasman: “Captain, like the captain of a ship. And then terror, you know, T-E-R-O-R.”

    Iggy: “Max? Can I come in?”
    Max: “No – I’m in a towel.”
    Iggy: “I’m blind.”
    Max: “No! You’re kidding! Are you sure?” (School’s Out – Forever)

    Max: “What I said yesterday didn’t mean anything! I love everyone in the flock! Plus, it was the Valium talking!”

    Fang: “Uh-huh. You just keep telling yourself that. You looove me. Pick a tree. I’ll go carve out initials in it.”

    Ter Borcht: “Is dere anysing special about you?”
    Fang: “Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica.”

    Um… I once ate nine Snickers bars in one sitting. Without barfing. That was a record!”
    Ter Borcht: “Hardly a special talent.”
    Nudge: “Yeah? Let’s see you do it.”
    Gazzy: (in ter Borcht’s voice) “I vill now eat nine Snickers bars, visout bahfing.” (Saving the World and other Extreme Sports, by James Patterson)

    Gazzy: “Dive-bomb!”
    Max: “No, Gazzy, don’t! It’s a government building! They’re even more paranoid than we are!”

    Nudge: “No. I looked for you too. Were you behind the tree?”
    Fang: “I was right here!”
    Iggy: “I didn’t see you either, man.” (Final Warning)

    Max: “Did you leave the flamethrowers lying around again?”
    Fang: “I always forget.” (MAX)

    "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you originally asked for"

    "That's why when major badasses greet each other in movies, they don't say anything, they just nod. The nod means, 'I' am a badass, and I recognize that you, too, are a badass,' but they don't say anything because they're Wolverine and Magneto and it would mess up their vibe to explain."

    "Stay away from my blades, in fact, don't touch any of my weapons without my permission.'
    "Well, there goes my plan for selling them all on eBay," Clary muttered.
    "Selling them on what?"
    Clary smiled blandly at him, "A mythical place of great magical power."

    Clary wasn't sure what she'd expected. Exclamations of delight, perhaps a smattering of applause. Instead there was silence, broken only when Jace said, "Somehow, I thought it would be bigger."
    Clary looked at the Cup in her hand. It was the size, perhaps, of an ordinary wineglass, only much heavier. Power thrummed through it, like blood through living veins. "It's a perfectly nice size," she said indignantly.
    "Oh, it's big enough," he said patronizingly, "but somehow I was expecting something… you know." He gestured with his hands, indicating something roughly the size of a house cat.
    "It's the Mortal Cup, Jace, not the Mortal Toilet Bowl," said Isabelle.

    "So what happens when the moon comes up?" she asked. "Are you all going to suddenly wolf out, or what?"

    "So when the moon's only partly full, you only feel a little wolfy?" Clary asked.
    "You could say that."
    "Well, you can go ahead and hang your head out the car window if you feel like it."
    Luke laughed. "I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever."

    "Jesus!" Luke exclaimed.
    "Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Though I've been told the resemblance is startling."

    "You hate the Silent Brothers," protested Isabelle.
    "I don't hate them," said Jace candidly. "I'm afraid of them. It's not the same thing."
    "I thought you said they were librarians.," said Clary.
    "They are librarians."
    Simon whistled. "Those must be some killer late fees."

    "Looking Better in Black than our Enemies Since 1234" (City of Bones)

    "I'm pure at heart. It repels dirt,"

    Isabelle looked dubious. "Mom and dad won't be pleased if they find out."
    "That you freed a possible criminal by trading away your brother to a warlock who looks like a gay Sonic the Hedgehog and dresses like the Child Catcher from 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'?" Simon inquired. "No, probably not."

    "Every time I annoy him he retreats into his No Mundanes Allowed tree house." Simon pointed at Jace.

    Watching Jace hug Isabelle, she tried to school her features into a happy and loving expression.
    "Are you alright?" Simon asked, with some concern. "Your eyes are crossing."
    "I'm fine." Clary abandoned the attempt.
    "Are you sure? You looked sort of... contorted."
    "Something I ate."

    "No, I'm a very naughty boy. I do all sorts of bad things. I kick kittens, I make rude gestures at nuns," (City of Ashes)

    "I always thought that it was 'Good things come to those who do the wave. No wonder I've been so confused all my life."

    "So technically,'. even though Jace isn't actually related to you, you have kissed your brother."

    "You had to make a crazy jail friend, didn't you? You couldn't just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do,"

    Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "If you'd been a vampire, this would have been a lot more useful."
    "Yes," said Jace. "Or, you know, just someone with a lot of coats."

    "But if you ever need anything..." She let the sentence hang in the air."
    "Need anything?"
    "Protection. You know. SO you can be more careful." Isabelle said. She sounded as practical as if she were talking about extra buttons. (City of Fallen Angels)

    "I am a man, and men do not consume pink beverages. Get thee gone, woman, and bring me something brown." (Cityof Glass)

    “As far as I’m concerned, this is the worst thing that’s happened since I found out why Magnus was banned from Peru.”

    “Missing, one stunningly attractive teenage boy. Answers to 'Jace' or 'Hot Stuff”

    “She turned and looked at him. "Ducks?" she said again.
    A smile tugged the edge of his mouth. "I hate ducks. Don't know why. I just always have.”

    “Basia coquum," Simon said. "Or whatever their motto is."
    "It's 'Descensus Averno facilis est.' 'The descent into hell is easy," said Alec. "You just said "Kiss the cook."
    "Dammit," said Simon. "I knew Jace was screwing with me.”

    “You stole a boat,” she snapped. “What am I doing with you, you boat-stealing lunatic?”

    “How was the Seelie Queen?"
    "Same as usual."
    "Raging bitch, then?"
    "Pretty much.”

    “What have you done to my cat?" Magnus demanded... "You drank his blood, didn't you? You said you weren't hungry!"
    Simon was indignant. "I did not drink his blood. He's fine!" He poked the Chairman in the stomach. The cat yawned. "Second, you asked me if I was hungry when you were ordering pizza, so I said no, because I can't eat pizza. I was being polite."
    "That doesn't get you the right to eat my cat."
    "Your cat is fine!" Simon reached to pick up the tabby, who jumped indignantly to his feet and stalked off the table. "See?"
    "Whatever.”

    “I stabbed you. With a massive sword. You caught on fire."
    His lips twitched, almost imperceptibly. "Okay, so maybe our problems aren't like other couples.”

    “I've noticed the Fair Folk often say 'perhaps' when there is a truth they want to hide," Clary said. "It keeps you from having to give a straight answer."
    "Perhaps so," said the Queen with an amused smile.
    "'Mayhap' is a good word too," Alec suggested.
    "Also 'perchance,'" Izzy said.
    "I see nothing wrong with 'maybe'," said Simon. "A little modern, but the gist of the idea comes across.”

    “I hope you told him you were bitten by a gay spider.”

    “Now that I'm in your mind, want to see some naked mental pictures of Jace?”

    “Even the trip through the Portal had not disarranged Magnus's hair spikes. He tugged on one proudly. "Check it out", he said to Isabelle.
    "Magic?"
    "Hair gel. $3.99 at Ricky's.” (City of Lost Souls)

    “Well, she's not responding to my advances," he observed more brightly than he felt, "so she must be dead."
    "Or she's a woman of good taste and sense.”

    “Remember when you tried to convince me to feed a poultry pie to the mallards in the park to see if you could breed a race of cannibal ducks?"

    "They ate it too," Will reminisced. "Bloodthirsty little beasts. Never trust a duck.”

    “So you're a Shadowhunter,' Nate said. 'De Quincey told me that you lot were monsters.'
    'Was that before or after he tried to eat you?' Will inquired.”

    “How rude. Many who have gazed upon me have compared the experience to gazing
    at the radiance of the sun."
    Jem still had his eyes closed. "If they mean it gives you a headache, they aren't wrong.” (Clockwork Angel)

    “Demon pox, oh demon pox
    Just how is it acquired?
    One must go down to the bad part of town
    Until one is very tired.
    Demon pox, oh demon pox, I had it all along—
    Not the pox, you foolish blocks,
    I mean this very song—
    For I was right, and you were wrong!” (Clockwork Prince)

    “A very magnanimous statement, Gideon,” said Magnus.
    “I’m Gabriel.”
    Magnus waved a hand. “All Lightwoods look the same to me.”

    “You don't think I can fight." Tessa said, drawing back and matching his silvery gaze with her own. "Because I'm a girl."
    "I don't think you can fight because you're wearing a wedding dress", said Jem. "For what it's worth, I don't think Will could fight in that dress either."
    "Perhaps not," said Will, who had ears like a bat'a. "But I would make a radiant bride.”

    “I'm afraid to answer that. I've heard that when I speak, it makes American women wish to strike me with umbrellas.”

    “You know,” Cecily said, “you really didn’t have to throw that man through the window.”

    “It's all very romantic," Gabriel said, and then frowned. "Or it would be, if my brother could get a word out without sounding like a choking frog. I fear he will not go down in history as one of the world's greatest wooers of women.”

    “A forty-foot worm?" Will muttered to Jem as they moved through the Italian garden, their boots - thanks to a pair of Soundless runes - making no noise on the gravel. "Think of the size of the fish we could catch."

    “I like that stick of yours," he said.
    "It's a staff." Jem swung out to knock another automaton sideways. "Made by the Iron Sisters, only for Silent Brothers.""Anyone can sharpen a stick."
    "It's a staff," Jem repeated, and saw Will's quicksilver smile out of the corner of his eye.” (Clockwork Princess)

    "She glanced at the minotaur horn in my hands, then back at me. I imagined she was going to say, You killed a minotaur! or Wow, you're so awesome! or something like that.
    Instead she said, "You drool when you sleep."

    “How did you die?"
    "We er...drowned in a bathtub."
    "All three of you?"
    "It was a big bathtub.”

    Hades raised an eyebrow. When he sat forward in his throne, shadowy faces appeared in the folds of his black robes, faces of torment,as if the garment was stitched of trapped souls from the Fields of Punishment, trying to get out. The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades' underwear?

    She'd also called me brave...unless she was talking to the catfish.

    Braccas meas vescimini!"

    I wasn't sure where the Latin came from. I think it meant 'Eat my pants!

    “Why can't you place a blessing like that on us?" I asked.

    "It only works on wild animals."

    "So it would only affect Percy," Annabeth reasoned.

    "My mom created the olive tree. The people saw that her gift was better, so they named the city after her."
    "They must really like olives."
    "Oh, forget it."
    "Now, if she'd invented pizza- that I could understand."

    I'd love to tell you I had some deep revelation on my way down, that I came to terms with my own mortality, laughed in the face of death, et cetera.
    The truth? My only thought was: Aaaaggghhhhh! (The Lightning Thief)

    "Dance you guys!" Thalia ordered. "You look stupid just standing there."
    I looked nervously at Annabeth, then at the groups of girls who were roaming the gym.
    "Well?" Annabeth asked.
    "Um, who should I ask?"
    She punched me in the gut. "Me, Seaweed Brain."
    "Oh. Oh right."

    "Let us find the dam snack bar." Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."
    Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"
    Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?"
    "Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."
    Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."...I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand."
    "I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said.
    "And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt."

    "We've got a dam hole."
    “Huh?”Hazel frowned.
    “Sorry, inside joke.” (Mark of Athena)

    "That's us," he said. "Those five nuts right there."
    "Which one is me?" I asked.
    "The little deformed one," Zoe suggested.
    "Oh, shut up."

    "Dreams like a podcast,
    Downloading truth in my ears.
    They tell me cool stuff."

    "Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
    He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."
    "A god named Fred?"

    Aphrodite: "Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"
    Percy: "Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"
    Aphrodite: "Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart." (Titan's Curse)

    "God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!"
    Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!""

    Rachel: They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb.
    Annabeth: Was it hard?"

    "my mother made a squeaking sound that might of been either "yes" or "help".
    Poseidon took it as a yes and came in.

    Paul was looking back and forth between us, trying to read our expressions. finally he stepped forward.
    "hi, I'm Paul Blofis"
    Poseidon raised an eyebrow and then shook his hand.
    "blowfish did you say?""ah, no.Blofis , actually."
    "oh i see," Poseidon said. "a shame. i quite like blowfish. i an Poseidon."
    "Poseidon? that's an interesting name."
    "yes, i like it. I've gone by other names, but i do prefer Poseidon."
    "like the god of the sea."
    "very much like that, yes"

    "well!" my mother interrupted. "um, were so glad you could drop by. Paul, this is Percy's father."
    "ah." Paul nodded, though he didn't look real pleased.
    "i see."
    Poseidon smiled at me. "there you are. my boy. and Tyson, hello, son!"
    "daddy!" Tyson [shouted]...

    Paul's jaw dropped. He stared at my mother. "Tyson is..."
    "not mine," she promised. "it’s a long story." (GUESSING WHERE THIS GOES)

    There were a lot of answers I might've given, from "I knew that" to "LIAR!" to "Yeah right, and I'm Zeus."

    I nodded, looking at Rachel with respect. "You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush." (Battle of the Labyrinth)

    “With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.”

    "A half blood of the eldest dogs"
    "Er, Percy? That's gods, not dogs."
    "Shall reach sixteen against all odds
    And see the world in endless sleep
    The hero’s soul, cursed blade shall reap
    A single choice shall end his days
    Olympus to… Pursue…"
    “It’s preserve, Percy. "
    “I knew that. Olympus to preserve or raze."

    "Curse me eh? I'll make you pay. I don't want to rhyme all day!"

    I don't recommend shadow travel if you're scared of:
    a) The dark
    b) Cold shivers up your spine
    c) Strange noises
    d) Going so fast you feel like your face is peeling off
    In other words, I thought it was awesome.

    The throne rumbled. A wave of gale-force anger slammed into me.
    WHO DARES-
    The voice stopped abruptly, The anger retreated, which was a good thing, because just those two words had almost blasted my mind to shreds.
    Percy. My fathers voice was still angry but more controlled. What-exactly-are you doing on my throne?
    "I'm sorry, Father," I said. "I needed to get your attention."
    This was a very dangerous thing to do. Even for you. If I hadn't looked before I blasted, you would now be a puddle of seawater.

    My brother broke into a toothy grin. "Yay! Your brain works!”

    “Erre es korakas, Blinky!" Dionysus cursed. "I will have your soul!”

    Everybody was patting Nico on the back, complimenting him on his fighting. Even the Ares kids thought he was pretty cool. Hey, show up with an army of undead warriors to save the day, and suddenly you're everybody's best friend.

    One passed us, swimming in a hurry. His eyes were bright green, like that stuff they put in glo-sticks, and his teeth were shark teeth. They don't show you stuff like that in "The Little Mermaid.

    "Hmm," Ares mused. "That means I can smash him to a pulp as often as I want, and he'll just keep coming back for more. I like this idea.”

    “We need music," Nico said. "How's your singing?"
    "Um, no. Can't you just, like, tell it to open? You're the son of Hades and all."
    "It's not so easy. We need music."
    I was pretty sure if I tried to sing, all I would cause was an avalanche.

    I planned to walk in slow and courageous like a real hero. As soon as the water touched my legs, my muscles turned to jelly and i fell face first into the current.

    "It's him," I said. "Typhon."
    I was seriously hoping Chiron would say something good, like 'No, that's our huge friend Leroy! He's going to help us!' (The Last Olympian)

    "Two hundred Romans, and no one’s got a pen? Never mind!"
    He slung his M16 onto his back and pulled out a hand grenade. There were many screaming Romans. Then the grenade morphed on a ballpoint pen, and mars began to write.
    Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed, can your sword do grenade form
    Percy mouthed back, no. Shut up.

    Reyna's hand rested halfway between her danger and the jelly beams. Percy had a feeling that if he made a sudden move, she wouldn't be grabbing for the candy.

    "I'll be back," he said. He felt pretty stupid talking to a t-shirt...

    "I'm not leaving for good. But I have to help these guys. They took mean. They deserve to survive."
    The T-shirt didn't answer, thankfully.

    Hazel pointed to the rock. "A big pile of schist."
    "Excuse me?"

    Percy already felt like the lamest demigod in the history of lame. The purse was the final insult.

    Eat seals. The whale responded. Are you seals?
    No. Percy admitted. I've got a man satchel full of macrobiotic beef jerky though.
    The whale shuddered. Promise bit to feed me this, and I will take you north.
    Deal

    "Oof!" Hazel fell to her knees and tried to put on her best seasick face. "I'm feeling nauseous! Can't...Walk...Amazons...too...scary"

    "Um...is that thing tame?" Frank said.
    The horse whinnied angrily.
    "I don't think so." Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man.'"

    "I can't believe how much this place had grown," Hazel muttered.
    The taxi driver grinned in the rear view mirror. "Been a long Time since you last visited miss"About seventy years," Hazel said.
    The driver slid the glass partition coded and drove on in silence.

    "You think it's okay that we're eating Rudolph?"
    "Dude," Percy said, "I could eat Prancer and Blitzen too. I'm hungry." (Son of Neptune)

    "I'll step aside for Jason," Percy said easily. "It's no biggie."
    "No biggie?" Octavian choked. "The praetorship of Rome is no biggie?"

    “On the bright side, both Jason and I outrank you, Octavian. So we can both tell you to shut up.”

    “What are we, kids?” Jason asked.
    Hedge snorted. “Kids are baby goats. They’re cute, and they have redeeming social value. You are definitely not kids.”

    "Incredible," Jason said. "These are really good brownies."
    "That's your only comment?" Piper demanded.
    He looked surprised. "What? I heard the story. Fish-centaurs. Merpeople. Letter of intro to the Tiber River god. Got it. But these brownies-"

    "I know," Frank said, his mouth full. "Try them with Ester's peach preserves."

    "I said, Frank is turning into a crazy dolphin."
    Nothing Happened.
    “I said, Frank is turning into a crazy dolphin.” I said louder.
    "Ahhh. I'm turning into a crazy dolphin!" Frank changed into a dolphin

    Leo beamed at his friends. “That, good people, is how we do things in Leo World. Come on in!”

    “I hate Leo World,” Frank muttered.

    “I mean, I can understand not being as pricey as Percy or Jason, maybe… but am I worth, like, two Franks, or three Franks?”

    Frank levitated nearby in meditation position. With his chubby face and his grumpy expression, he looked like a Buddha who'd achieved enlightenent and wasn't thrilled about it.

    Annabeth sat up and glared at her ankle. "You had to break," she scolded it. The ankle did not reply.

    “Hedge ran to the glass. He held up his palms like: What are you doing in there, Jackson?”
    Percy pounded his fist on the glass and mouthed: Break it!
    Hedge yelled a question that might have been: Where’s Frank?”
    Percy pointed at the giant koi.
    Frank waved his left dorsal fin. ‘Sup?”

    “Frank grimaced with concentration. Suddenly, he disappeared. On the deck where he’d been standing, a green iguana crouched next to an empty set of Chinese handcuffs.”
    “Well done, Frank Zhang,’ Leo said dryly, doing his impression of Chiron the centaur. ‘That is exactly how people beat Chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas.”

    "'Behold!' Percy shouted. 'The god’s chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!'"

    On Tue, Aug 13, 2013 at 1:55 PM, Sapir Itshakov sitshakov@gmail.com> wrote:

    Max: "Will you quit that?"
    Fang: "Quit what? Breathing?"
    Max: "You know what."

    Gasman: "What does that mean" (points to a sign that says Stay Off the Third Rail!)
    Fang: "It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn."

    Fang: "Man, you weigh a freaking ton. What've you been eating, rocks?"
    Max: "Why, is your head missing some?"

    Dr. Martinez: "I take it you don't want me to call your parents?"
    Max: "Um, no." Hello, lab? May I speak to a test tube, please? (The Angel Experiment)

    Agent: “And how do you spell that?”
    The Gasman: “Captain, like the captain of a ship. And then terror, you know, T-E-R-O-R.”

    Iggy: “Max? Can I come in?”
    Max: “No – I’m in a towel.”
    Iggy: “I’m blind.”
    Max: “No! You’re kidding! Are you sure?” (School’s Out – Forever)

    Max: “What I said yesterday didn’t mean anything! I love everyone in the flock! Plus, it was the Valium talking!”

    Fang: “Uh-huh. You just keep telling yourself that. You looove me. Pick a tree. I’ll go carve out initials in it.”

    Ter Borcht: “Is dere anysing special about you?”
    Fang: “Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica.”

    Um… I once ate nine Snickers bars in one sitting. Without barfing. That was a record!”
    Ter Borcht: “Hardly a special talent.”
    Nudge: “Yeah? Let’s see you do it.”
    Gazzy: (in ter Borcht’s voice) “I vill now eat nine Snickers bars, visout bahfing.” (Saving the World and other Extreme Sports, by James Patterson)

    Gazzy: “Dive-bomb!”
    Max: “No, Gazzy, don’t! It’s a government building! They’re even more paranoid than we are!”

    Nudge: “No. I looked for you too. Were you behind the tree?”
    Fang: “I was right here!”
    Iggy: “I didn’t see you either, man.” (Final Warning)

    Max: “Did you leave the flamethrowers lying around again?”
    Fang: “I always forget.” (MAX)

    "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you originally asked for"

    "That's why when major badasses greet each other in movies, they don't say anything, they just nod. The nod means, 'I' am a badass, and I recognize that you, too, are a badass,' but they don't say anything because they're Wolverine and Magneto and it would mess up their vibe to explain."

    "Stay away from my blades, in fact, don't touch any of my weapons without my permission.'
    "Well, there goes my plan for selling them all on eBay," Clary muttered.
    "Selling them on what?"
    Clary smiled blandly at him, "A mythical place of great magical power."

    Clary wasn't sure what she'd expected. Exclamations of delight, perhaps a smattering of applause. Instead there was silence, broken only when Jace said, "Somehow, I thought it would be bigger."
    Clary looked at the Cup in her hand. It was the size, perhaps, of an ordinary wineglass, only much heavier. Power thrummed through it, like blood through living veins. "It's a perfectly nice size," she said indignantly.
    "Oh, it's big enough," he said patronizingly, "but somehow I was expecting something… you know." He gestured with his hands, indicating something roughly the size of a house cat.
    "It's the Mortal Cup, Jace, not the Mortal Toilet Bowl," said Isabelle.

    "So what happens when the moon comes up?" she asked. "Are you all going to suddenly wolf out, or what?"

    "So when the moon's only partly full, you only feel a little wolfy?" Clary asked.
    "You could say that."
    "Well, you can go ahead and hang your head out the car window if you feel like it."
    Luke laughed. "I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever."

    "Jesus!" Luke exclaimed.
    "Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Though I've been told the resemblance is startling."

    "You hate the Silent Brothers," protested Isabelle.
    "I don't hate them," said Jace candidly. "I'm afraid of them. It's not the same thing."
    "I thought you said they were librarians.," said Clary.
    "They are librarians."
    Simon whistled. "Those must be some killer late fees."

    "Looking Better in Black than our Enemies Since 1234" (City of Bones)

    "I'm pure at heart. It repels dirt,"

    Isabelle looked dubious. "Mom and dad won't be pleased if they find out."
    "That you freed a possible criminal by trading away your brother to a warlock who looks like a gay Sonic the Hedgehog and dresses like the Child Catcher from 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'?" Simon inquired. "No, probably not."

    "Every time I annoy him he retreats into his No Mundanes Allowed tree house." Simon pointed at Jace.

    Watching Jace hug Isabelle, she tried to school her features into a happy and loving expression.
    "Are you alright?" Simon asked, with some concern. "Your eyes are crossing."
    "I'm fine." Clary abandoned the attempt.
    "Are you sure? You looked sort of... contorted."
    "Something I ate."

    "No, I'm a very naughty boy. I do all sorts of bad things. I kick kittens, I make rude gestures at nuns," (City of Ashes)

    "I always thought that it was 'Good things come to those who do the wave. No wonder I've been so confused all my life."

    "So technically,'. even though Jace isn't actually related to you, you have kissed your brother."

    "You had to make a crazy jail friend, didn't you? You couldn't just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do,"

    Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "If you'd been a vampire, this would have been a lot more useful."
    "Yes," said Jace. "Or, you know, just someone with a lot of coats."

    "But if you ever need anything..." She let the sentence hang in the air."
    "Need anything?"
    "Protection. You know. SO you can be more careful." Isabelle said. She sounded as practical as if she were talking about extra buttons. (City of Fallen Angels)

    "I am a man, and men do not consume pink beverages. Get thee gone, woman, and bring me something brown." (Cityof Glass)

    “As far as I’m concerned, this is the worst thing that’s happened since I found out why Magnus was banned from Peru.”

    “Missing, one stunningly attractive teenage boy. Answers to 'Jace' or 'Hot Stuff”

    “She turned and looked at him. "Ducks?" she said again.
    A smile tugged the edge of his mouth. "I hate ducks. Don't know why. I just always have.”

    “Basia coquum," Simon said. "Or whatever their motto is."
    "It's 'Descensus Averno facilis est.' 'The descent into hell is easy," said Alec. "You just said "Kiss the cook."
    "Dammit," said Simon. "I knew Jace was screwing with me.”

    “You stole a boat,” she snapped. “What am I doing with you, you boat-stealing lunatic?”

    “How was the Seelie Queen?"
    "Same as usual."
    "Raging bitch, then?"
    "Pretty much.”

    “What have you done to my cat?" Magnus demanded... "You drank his blood, didn't you? You said you weren't hungry!"
    Simon was indignant. "I did not drink his blood. He's fine!" He poked the Chairman in the stomach. The cat yawned. "Second, you asked me if I was hungry when you were ordering pizza, so I said no, because I can't eat pizza. I was being polite."
    "That doesn't get you the right to eat my cat."
    "Your cat is fine!" Simon reached to pick up the tabby, who jumped indignantly to his feet and stalked off the table. "See?"
    "Whatever.”

    “I stabbed you. With a massive sword. You caught on fire."
    His lips twitched, almost imperceptibly. "Okay, so maybe our problems aren't like other couples.”

    “I've noticed the Fair Folk often say 'perhaps' when there is a truth they want to hide," Clary said. "It keeps you from having to give a straight answer."
    "Perhaps so," said the Queen with an amused smile.
    "'Mayhap' is a good word too," Alec suggested.
    "Also 'perchance,'" Izzy said.
    "I see nothing wrong with 'maybe'," said Simon. "A little modern, but the gist of the idea comes across.”

    “I hope you told him you were bitten by a gay spider.”

    “Now that I'm in your mind, want to see some naked mental pictures of Jace?”

    “Even the trip through the Portal had not disarranged Magnus's hair spikes. He tugged on one proudly. "Check it out", he said to Isabelle.
    "Magic?"
    "Hair gel. $3.99 at Ricky's.” (City of Lost Souls)

    “Well, she's not responding to my advances," he observed more brightly than he felt, "so she must be dead."
    "Or she's a woman of good taste and sense.”

    “Remember when you tried to convince me to feed a poultry pie to the mallards in the park to see if you could breed a race of cannibal ducks?"

    "They ate it too," Will reminisced. "Bloodthirsty little beasts. Never trust a duck.”

    “So you're a Shadowhunter,' Nate said. 'De Quincey told me that you lot were monsters.'
    'Was that before or after he tried to eat you?' Will inquired.”

    “How rude. Many who have gazed upon me have compared the experience to gazing
    at the radiance of the sun."
    Jem still had his eyes closed. "If they mean it gives you a headache, they aren't wrong.” (Clockwork Angel)

    “Demon pox, oh demon pox
    Just how is it acquired?
    One must go down to the bad part of town
    Until one is very tired.
    Demon pox, oh demon pox, I had it all along—
    Not the pox, you foolish blocks,
    I mean this very song—
    For I was right, and you were wrong!” (Clockwork Prince)

    “A very magnanimous statement, Gideon,” said Magnus.
    “I’m Gabriel.”
    Magnus waved a hand. “All Lightwoods look the same to me.”

    “You don't think I can fight." Tessa said, drawing back and matching his silvery gaze with her own. "Because I'm a girl."
    "I don't think you can fight because you're wearing a wedding dress", said Jem. "For what it's worth, I don't think Will could fight in that dress either."
    "Perhaps not," said Will, who had ears like a bat'a. "But I would make a radiant bride.”

    “I'm afraid to answer that. I've heard that when I speak, it makes American women wish to strike me with umbrellas.”

    “You know,” Cecily said, “you really didn’t have to throw that man through the window.”

    “It's all very romantic," Gabriel said, and then frowned. "Or it would be, if my brother could get a word out without sounding like a choking frog. I fear he will not go down in history as one of the world's greatest wooers of women.”

    “A forty-foot worm?" Will muttered to Jem as they moved through the Italian garden, their boots - thanks to a pair of Soundless runes - making no noise on the gravel. "Think of the size of the fish we could catch."

    “I like that stick of yours," he said.
    "It's a staff." Jem swung out to knock another automaton sideways. "Made by the Iron Sisters, only for Silent Brothers.""Anyone can sharpen a stick."
    "It's a staff," Jem repeated, and saw Will's quicksilver smile out of the corner of his eye.” (Clockwork Princess)

    "She glanced at the minotaur horn in my hands, then back at me. I imagined she was going to say, You killed a minotaur! or Wow, you're so awesome! or something like that.
    Instead she said, "You drool when you sleep."

    “How did you die?"
    "We er...drowned in a bathtub."
    "All three of you?"
    "It was a big bathtub.”

    Hades raised an eyebrow. When he sat forward in his throne, shadowy faces appeared in the folds of his black robes, faces of torment,as if the garment was stitched of trapped souls from the Fields of Punishment, trying to get out. The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades' underwear?

    She'd also called me brave...unless she was talking to the catfish.

    Braccas meas vescimini!"

    I wasn't sure where the Latin came from. I think it meant 'Eat my pants!

    “Why can't you place a blessing like that on us?" I asked.

    "It only works on wild animals."

    "So it would only affect Percy," Annabeth reasoned.

    "My mom created the olive tree. The people saw that her gift was better, so they named the city after her."
    "They must really like olives."
    "Oh, forget it."
    "Now, if she'd invented pizza- that I could understand."

    I'd love to tell you I had some deep revelation on my way down, that I came to terms with my own mortality, laughed in the face of death, et cetera.
    The truth? My only thought was: Aaaaggghhhhh! (The Lightning Thief)

    "Dance you guys!" Thalia ordered. "You look stupid just standing there."
    I looked nervously at Annabeth, then at the groups of girls who were roaming the gym.
    "Well?" Annabeth asked.
    "Um, who should I ask?"
    She punched me in the gut. "Me, Seaweed Brain."
    "Oh. Oh right."

    "Let us find the dam snack bar." Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."
    Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"
    Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?"
    "Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."
    Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."...I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand."
    "I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said.
    "And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt."

    "We've got a dam hole."
    “Huh?”Hazel frowned.
    “Sorry, inside joke.” (Mark of Athena)

    "That's us," he said. "Those five nuts right there."
    "Which one is me?" I asked.
    "The little deformed one," Zoe suggested.
    "Oh, shut up."

    "Dreams like a podcast,
    Downloading truth in my ears.
    They tell me cool stuff."

    "Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
    He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."
    "A god named Fred?"

    Aphrodite: "Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"
    Percy: "Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"
    Aphrodite: "Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart." (Titan's Curse)

    "God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!"
    Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!""

    Rachel: They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb.
    Annabeth: Was it hard?"

    "my mother made a squeaking sound that might of been either "yes" or "help".
    Poseidon took it as a yes and came in.

    Paul was looking back and forth between us, trying to read our expressions. finally he stepped forward.
    "hi, I'm Paul Blofis"
    Poseidon raised an eyebrow and then shook his hand.
    "blowfish did you say?""ah, no.Blofis , actually."
    "oh i see," Poseidon said. "a shame. i quite like blowfish. i an Poseidon."
    "Poseidon? that's an interesting name."
    "yes, i like it. I've gone by other names, but i do prefer Poseidon."
    "like the god of the sea."
    "very much like that, yes"

    "well!" my mother interrupted. "um, were so glad you could drop by. Paul, this is Percy's father."
    "ah." Paul nodded, though he didn't look real pleased.
    "i see."
    Poseidon smiled at me. "there you are. my boy. and Tyson, hello, son!"
    "daddy!" Tyson [shouted]...

    Paul's jaw dropped. He stared at my mother. "Tyson is..."
    "not mine," she promised. "it’s a long story." (GUESSING WHERE THIS GOES)

    There were a lot of answers I might've given, from "I knew that" to "LIAR!" to "Yeah right, and I'm Zeus."

    I nodded, looking at Rachel with respect. "You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush." (Battle of the Labyrinth)

    “With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.”

    "A half blood of the eldest dogs"
    "Er, Percy? That's gods, not dogs."
    "Shall reach sixteen against all odds
    And see the world in endless sleep
    The hero’s soul, cursed blade shall reap
    A single choice shall end his days
    Olympus to… Pursue…"
    “It’s preserve, Percy. "
    “I knew that. Olympus to preserve or raze."

    "Curse me eh? I'll make you pay. I don't want to rhyme all day!"

    I don't recommend shadow travel if you're scared of:
    a) The dark
    b) Cold shivers up your spine
    c) Strange noises
    d) Going so fast you feel like your face is peeling off
    In other words, I thought it was awesome.

    The throne rumbled. A wave of gale-force anger slammed into me.
    WHO DARES-
    The voice stopped abruptly, The anger retreated, which was a good thing, because just those two words had almost blasted my mind to shreds.
    Percy. My fathers voice was still angry but more controlled. What-exactly-are you doing on my throne?
    "I'm sorry, Father," I said. "I needed to get your attention."
    This was a very dangerous thing to do. Even for you. If I hadn't looked before I blasted, you would now be a puddle of seawater.

    My brother broke into a toothy grin. "Yay! Your brain works!”

    “Erre es korakas, Blinky!" Dionysus cursed. "I will have your soul!”

    Everybody was patting Nico on the back, complimenting him on his fighting. Even the Ares kids thought he was pretty cool. Hey, show up with an army of undead warriors to save the day, and suddenly you're everybody's best friend.

    One passed us, swimming in a hurry. His eyes were bright green, like that stuff they put in glo-sticks, and his teeth were shark teeth. They don't show you stuff like that in "The Little Mermaid.

    "Hmm," Ares mused. "That means I can smash him to a pulp as often as I want, and he'll just keep coming back for more. I like this idea.”

    “We need music," Nico said. "How's your singing?"
    "Um, no. Can't you just, like, tell it to open? You're the son of Hades and all."
    "It's not so easy. We need music."
    I was pretty sure if I tried to sing, all I would cause was an avalanche.

    I planned to walk in slow and courageous like a real hero. As soon as the water touched my legs, my muscles turned to jelly and i fell face first into the current.

    "It's him," I said. "Typhon."
    I was seriously hoping Chiron would say something good, like 'No, that's our huge friend Leroy! He's going to help us!' (The Last Olympian)

    "Two hundred Romans, and no one’s got a pen? Never mind!"
    He slung his M16 onto his back and pulled out a hand grenade. There were many screaming Romans. Then the grenade morphed on a ballpoint pen, and mars began to write.
    Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed, can your sword do grenade form
    Percy mouthed back, no. Shut up.

    Reyna's hand rested halfway between her danger and the jelly beams. Percy had a feeling that if he made a sudden move, she wouldn't be grabbing for the candy.

    "I'll be back," he said. He felt pretty stupid talking to a t-shirt...

    "I'm not leaving for good. But I have to help these guys. They took mean. They deserve to survive."
    The T-shirt didn't answer, thankfully.

    Hazel pointed to the rock. "A big pile of schist."
    "Excuse me?"

    Percy already felt like the lamest demigod in the history of lame. The purse was the final insult.

    Eat seals. The whale responded. Are you seals?
    No. Percy admitted. I've got a man satchel full of macrobiotic beef jerky though.
    The whale shuddered. Promise bit to feed me this, and I will take you north.
    Deal

    "Oof!" Hazel fell to her knees and tried to put on her best seasick face. "I'm feeling nauseous! Can't...Walk...Amazons...too...scary"

    "Um...is that thing tame?" Frank said.
    The horse whinnied angrily.
    "I don't think so." Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man.'"

    "I can't believe how much this place had grown," Hazel muttered.
    The taxi driver grinned in the rear view mirror. "Been a long Time since you last visited miss"About seventy years," Hazel said.
    The driver slid the glass partition coded and drove on in silence.

    "You think it's okay that we're eating Rudolph?"
    "Dude," Percy said, "I could eat Prancer and Blitzen too. I'm hungry." (Son of Neptune)

    "I'll step aside for Jason," Percy said easily. "It's no biggie."
    "No biggie?" Octavian choked. "The praetorship of Rome is no biggie?"

    “On the bright side, both Jason and I outrank you, Octavian. So we can both tell you to shut up.”

    “What are we, kids?” Jason asked.
    Hedge snorted. “Kids are baby goats. They’re cute, and they have redeeming social value. You are definitely not kids.”

    'Incredible,' Jason said. 'These are really good brownies.'
    'That's your only comment?' Piper demanded.
    He looked surprised. 'What? I heard the story. Fish-centaurs. Merpeople. Letter of intro to the Tiber River god. Got it. But these brownies--'
    'I know,' Frank said, his mouth full. 'Try them with Ester's peach preserves."

    "I said, Frank is turning into a crazy dolphin."
    Nothing Happened.
    “I said, Frank is turning into a crazy dolphin.” I said louder.
    "Ahhh. I'm turning into a crazy dolphin!" Frank changed into a dolphin

    Leo beamed at his friends. “That, good people, is how we do things in Leo World. Come on in!”

    “I hate Leo World,” Frank muttered.

    “I mean, I can understand not being as pricey as Percy or Jason, maybe… but am I worth, like, two Franks, or three Franks?”

    Frank levitated nearby in meditation position. With his chubby face and his grumpy expression, he looked like a Buddha who'd achieved enlightenent and wasn't thrilled about it.

    Annabeth sat up and glared at her ankle. "You had to break," she scolded it. The ankle did not reply.

    “Hedge ran to the glass. He held up his palms like: What are you doing in there, Jackson?”
    Percy pounded his fist on the glass and mouthed: Break it!
    Hedge yelled a question that might have been: Where’s Frank?”
    Percy pointed at the giant koi.
    Frank waved his left dorsal fin. ‘Sup?”


    “Frank grimaced with concentration. Suddenly, he disappeared. On the deck where he’d been standing, a green iguana crouched next to an empty set of Chinese handcuffs.”
    “Well done, Frank Zhang,’ Leo said dryly, doing his impression of Chiron the centaur. ‘That is exactly how people beat Chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas.”


    "'Behold!' Percy shouted. 'The god’s chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!'"


    When you see someone with black clothes, you don't think goth. You think shadowhunter.

    You spend lots of money on hebel design. (Their stuff is great. I've spent about a hundred dollars on that site)

    You buy silver pens to draw in yourself so that it looks like you have a stele.

    You don't find it weird Magnus and Alec are together, it just seems right.

    You have no clue how to find the hypotenuse of a triangle, but you have memorized all the runes, what they are and what they look like.

    You spend hours reading and writing mortal instruments Fanfiction. (So me.)

    This is from Mrs. Dylanlightwoodivashlov

    When you have a prejudiced opinion about people named Sebastian.

    When you stalk Cassie Clares Twitter.

    When you're afraid of something you act like you're a shadow hunter and wherever it is, is and through it.

    When as soon as you finished city of lost souls the new backgrounds on your computer became the countdown for city of heavenly fire.

    When the background before that was a close up of Jace's face on the cove of city of lost souls.

    When you start a collection of shadow hunter stuff that you ordered online.

    You freak out when ever there's of a TID character in a TMI book. *cough* *cough* Tessa *cough* *cough

    Tessa exploded "I am not asking you to maul me in the Whispering Gallery! By the Angel, Will, would you stop being so polite?!"
    He looked at her in amazement. "But wouldn't you rather-"
    "I would not rather. I don't want you to be polite! I want you to be Will! I don't want you to indicate points of architectural interest to me as if you were a Baedecker guide! I want you to say dreadfully mad, funny things, and make up songs and be-" The Will I fell in love with, she almost said. "And be Will," she finished instead. "Or I shall strike you with my umbrella."
    "I am trying to court you," Will said in exasperation. "Court you properly. That's what all this has been about. You know that, don't you?"
    "Mr. Rochester never courted Jane Eyre," Tessa pointed out.
    "No, he dressed up as a woman and terrified the poor girl out of her wits. Is that what you want?"
    "You would make a very ugly woman."
    "I would not. I would be stunning."
    Tessa laughed. "There," she said. "There is Will. Isn't that better? Don't you think so?"
    "I don't know," Will said, eyeing her. I'm afraid to answer that. I've heard that when I speak, it makes American women wish to strike me with umbrellas."
    Tessa laughed again, and then they were both laughing, their smothered giggles bouncing off the walls of the Whispering Gallery. After that, things were decidedly easier between them, and Will's smile when he helped her down from the carriage on their return home, was bright and real.”
    ― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Princess

    On Tue, Aug 13, 2013 at 2:32 PM, Sapir Itshakov sitshakov@gmail.com> wrote:

    “It had been June, the bright hot summer of 1937, and with the curtains thrown back the bedroom had been full of sunlight, sunlight and her and Will's children, their grandchildren, their nieces and nephews- Cecy's blue eyed boys, tall and handsome, and Gideon and Sophie's two girls- and those who were as close as family: Charlotte, white- haired and upright, and the Fairchild sons and daughters with their curling red hair like Henry's had once been.
    The children had spoken fondly of the way he had always loved their mother, fiercely and devotedly, the way he had never had eyes for anyone else, and how their parents had set the model for the sort of love they hoped to find in their own lives. They spoke of his regard for books, and how he had taught them all to love them too, to respect the printed page and cherish the stories that those pages held. They spoke of the way he still cursed in Welsh when he dropped something, though he rarely used the language otherwise, and of the fact that though his prose was excellent- he had written several histories of the Shadowhunters when he's retired that had been very well respected- his poetry had always been awful, though that never stopped him from reciting it.
    Their oldest child, James, had spoken laughingly about Will's unrelenting fear of ducks and his continual battle to keep them out of the pond at the family home in Yorkshire.
    Their grandchildren had reminded him of the song about demon pox he had taught them- when they were much too young, Tessa had always thought- and that they had all memorized. They sang it all together and out of tune, scandalizing Sophie.
    With tears running down her face, Cecily had reminded him of the moment at her wedding to Gabriel when he had delivered a beautiful speech praising the groom, at the end of which he had announced, "Dear God, I thought she was marrying Gideon. I take it all back," thus vexing not only Cecily and Gabriel but Sophie as well- and Will, though too tired to laugh, had smiled at his sister and squeezed her hand.
    They had all laughed about his habit of taking Tessa on romantic "holidays" to places from Gothic novels, including the hideous moor where someone had died, a drafty castle with a ghost in it, and of course the square in Paris in which he had decided Sydney Carton had been guillotined, where Will had horrified passerby by shouting "I can see the blood on the cobblestones!" in French.”
    ― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Princess

    “Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face.”
    ― Jim Butcher, Storm Front

    Max: "Will you quit that?"
    Fang: "Quit what? Breathing?"
    Max: "You know what."

    Gasman: "What does that mean" (points to a sign that says Stay Off the Third Rail!)
    Fang: "It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn."

    Fang: "Man, you weigh a freaking ton. What've you been eating, rocks?"
    Max: "Why, is your head missing some?"

    Dr. Martinez: "I take it you don't want me to call your parents?"
    Max: "Um, no." Hello, lab? May I speak to a test tube, please? (The Angel Experiment)

    Agent: “And how do you spell that?”
    The Gasman: “Captain, like the captain of a ship. And then terror, you know, T-E-R-O-R.”

    Iggy: “Max? Can I come in?”
    Max: “No – I’m in a towel.”
    Iggy: “I’m blind.”
    Max: “No! You’re kidding! Are you sure?” (School’s Out – Forever)

    Max: “What I said yesterday didn’t mean anything! I love everyone in the flock! Plus, it was the Valium talking!”

    Fang: “Uh-huh. You just keep telling yourself that. You looove me. Pick a tree. I’ll go carve out initials in it.”

    Ter Borcht: “Is dere anysing special about you?”
    Fang: “Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica.”

    Um… I once ate nine Snickers bars in one sitting. Without barfing. That was a record!”
    Ter Borcht: “Hardly a special talent.”
    Nudge: “Yeah? Let’s see you do it.”
    Gazzy: (in ter Borcht’s voice) “I vill now eat nine Snickers bars, visout bahfing.” (Saving the World and other Extreme Sports, by James Patterson)

    Gazzy: “Dive-bomb!”
    Max: “No, Gazzy, don’t! It’s a government building! They’re even more paranoid than we are!”

    Nudge: “No. I looked for you too. Were you behind the tree?”
    Fang: “I was right here!”
    Iggy: “I didn’t see you either, man.” (Final Warning)

    Max: “Did you leave the flamethrowers lying around again?”
    Fang: “I always forget.” (MAX)

    "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you originally asked for"

    "That's why when major badasses greet each other in movies, they don't say anything, they just nod. The nod means, 'I' am a badass, and I recognize that you, too, are a badass,' but they don't say anything because they're Wolverine and Magneto and it would mess up their vibe to explain."

    "Stay away from my blades, in fact, don't touch any of my weapons without my permission.'
    "Well, there goes my plan for selling them all on eBay," Clary muttered.
    "Selling them on what?"
    Clary smiled blandly at him, "A mythical place of great magical power."

    Clary wasn't sure what she'd expected. Exclamations of delight, perhaps a smattering of applause. Instead there was silence, broken only when Jace said, "Somehow, I thought it would be bigger."
    Clary looked at the Cup in her hand. It was the size, perhaps, of an ordinary wineglass, only much heavier. Power thrummed through it, like blood through living veins. "It's a perfectly nice size," she said indignantly.
    "Oh, it's big enough," he said patronizingly, "but somehow I was expecting something… you know." He gestured with his hands, indicating something roughly the size of a house cat.
    "It's the Mortal Cup, Jace, not the Mortal Toilet Bowl," said Isabelle.

    "So what happens when the moon comes up?" she asked. "Are you all going to suddenly wolf out, or what?"

    "So when the moon's only partly full, you only feel a little wolfy?" Clary asked.
    "You could say that."
    "Well, you can go ahead and hang your head out the car window if you feel like it."
    Luke laughed. "I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever."

    "Jesus!" Luke exclaimed.
    "Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Though I've been told the resemblance is startling."

    "You hate the Silent Brothers," protested Isabelle.
    "I don't hate them," said Jace candidly. "I'm afraid of them. It's not the same thing."
    "I thought you said they were librarians.," said Clary.
    "They are librarians."
    Simon whistled. "Those must be some killer late fees."

    "Looking Better in Black than our Enemies Since 1234" (City of Bones)

    "I'm pure at heart. It repels dirt,"

    Isabelle looked dubious. "Mom and dad won't be pleased if they find out."
    "That you freed a possible criminal by trading away your brother to a warlock who looks like a gay Sonic the Hedgehog and dresses like the Child Catcher from 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'?" Simon inquired. "No, probably not."

    "Every time I annoy him he retreats into his No Mundanes Allowed tree house." Simon pointed at Jace.

    Watching Jace hug Isabelle, she tried to school her features into a happy and loving expression.
    "Are you alright?" Simon asked, with some concern. "Your eyes are crossing."
    "I'm fine." Clary abandoned the attempt.
    "Are you sure? You looked sort of... contorted."
    "Something I ate."

    "No, I'm a very naughty boy. I do all sorts of bad things. I kick kittens, I make rude gestures at nuns," (City of Ashes)

    "I always thought that it was 'Good things come to those who do the wave. No wonder I've been so confused all my life."

    "So technically,'. even though Jace isn't actually related to you, you have kissed your brother."

    "You had to make a crazy jail friend, didn't you? You couldn't just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do,"

    Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "If you'd been a vampire, this would have been a lot more useful."
    "Yes," said Jace. "Or, you know, just someone with a lot of coats."

    "But if you ever need anything..." She let the sentence hang in the air."
    "Need anything?"
    "Protection. You know. SO you can be more careful." Isabelle said. She sounded as practical as if she were talking about extra buttons. (City of Fallen Angels)

    "I am a man, and men do not consume pink beverages. Get thee gone, woman, and bring me something brown." (Cityof Glass)

    “As far as I’m concerned, this is the worst thing that’s happened since I found out why Magnus was banned from Peru.”

    “Missing, one stunningly attractive teenage boy. Answers to 'Jace' or 'Hot Stuff”

    “She turned and looked at him. "Ducks?" she said again.
    A smile tugged the edge of his mouth. "I hate ducks. Don't know why. I just always have.”

    “Basia coquum," Simon said. "Or whatever their motto is."
    "It's 'Descensus Averno facilis est.' 'The descent into hell is easy," said Alec. "You just said "Kiss the cook."
    "Dammit," said Simon. "I knew Jace was screwing with me.”

    “You stole a boat,” she snapped. “What am I doing with you, you boat-stealing lunatic?”

    “How was the Seelie Queen?"
    "Same as usual."
    "Raging bitch, then?"
    "Pretty much.”

    “What have you done to my cat?" Magnus demanded... "You drank his blood, didn't you? You said you weren't hungry!"
    Simon was indignant. "I did not drink his blood. He's fine!" He poked the Chairman in the stomach. The cat yawned. "Second, you asked me if I was hungry when you were ordering pizza, so I said no, because I can't eat pizza. I was being polite."
    "That doesn't get you the right to eat my cat."
    "Your cat is fine!" Simon reached to pick up the tabby, who jumped indignantly to his feet and stalked off the table. "See?"
    "Whatever.”

    “I stabbed you. With a massive sword. You caught on fire."
    His lips twitched, almost imperceptibly. "Okay, so maybe our problems aren't like other couples.”

    “I've noticed the Fair Folk often say 'perhaps' when there is a truth they want to hide," Clary said. "It keeps you from having to give a straight answer."
    "Perhaps so," said the Queen with an amused smile.
    "'Mayhap' is a good word too," Alec suggested.
    "Also 'perchance,'" Izzy said.
    "I see nothing wrong with 'maybe'," said Simon. "A little modern, but the gist of the idea comes across.”

    “I hope you told him you were bitten by a gay spider.”

    “Now that I'm in your mind, want to see some naked mental pictures of Jace?”

    “Even the trip through the Portal had not disarranged Magnus's hair spikes. He tugged on one proudly. "Check it out", he said to Isabelle.
    "Magic?"
    "Hair gel. $3.99 at Ricky's.” (City of Lost Souls)

    “Well, she's not responding to my advances," he observed more brightly than he felt, "so she must be dead."
    "Or she's a woman of good taste and sense.”

    “Remember when you tried to convince me to feed a poultry pie to the mallards in the park to see if you could breed a race of cannibal ducks?"

    "They ate it too," Will reminisced. "Bloodthirsty little beasts. Never trust a duck.”

    “So you're a Shadowhunter,' Nate said. 'De Quincey told me that you lot were monsters.'
    'Was that before or after he tried to eat you?' Will inquired.”

    “How rude. Many who have gazed upon me have compared the experience to gazing
    at the radiance of the sun."
    Jem still had his eyes closed. "If they mean it gives you a headache, they aren't wrong.” (Clockwork Angel)

    “Demon pox, oh demon pox
    Just how is it acquired?
    One must go down to the bad part of town
    Until one is very tired.
    Demon pox, oh demon pox, I had it all along—
    Not the pox, you foolish blocks,
    I mean this very song—
    For I was right, and you were wrong!” (Clockwork Prince)

    “A very magnanimous statement, Gideon,” said Magnus.
    “I’m Gabriel.”
    Magnus waved a hand. “All Lightwoods look the same to me.”

    “You don't think I can fight." Tessa said, drawing back and matching his silvery gaze with her own. "Because I'm a girl."
    "I don't think you can fight because you're wearing a wedding dress", said Jem. "For what it's worth, I don't think Will could fight in that dress either."
    "Perhaps not," said Will, who had ears like a bat'a. "But I would make a radiant bride.”

    “I'm afraid to answer that. I've heard that when I speak, it makes American women wish to strike me with umbrellas.”

    “You know,” Cecily said, “you really didn’t have to throw that man through the window.”

    “It's all very romantic," Gabriel said, and then frowned. "Or it would be, if my brother could get a word out without sounding like a choking frog. I fear he will not go down in history as one of the world's greatest wooers of women.”

    “A forty-foot worm?" Will muttered to Jem as they moved through the Italian garden, their boots - thanks to a pair of Soundless runes - making no noise on the gravel. "Think of the size of the fish we could catch."

    “I like that stick of yours," he said.
    "It's a staff." Jem swung out to knock another automaton sideways. "Made by the Iron Sisters, only for Silent Brothers.""Anyone can sharpen a stick."
    "It's a staff," Jem repeated, and saw Will's quicksilver smile out of the corner of his eye.” (Clockwork Princess)

    "She glanced at the minotaur horn in my hands, then back at me. I imagined she was going to say, You killed a minotaur! or Wow, you're so awesome! or something like that.
    Instead she said, "You drool when you sleep."

    “How did you die?"
    "We er...drowned in a bathtub."
    "All three of you?"
    "It was a big bathtub.”

    Hades raised an eyebrow. When he sat forward in his throne, shadowy faces appeared in the folds of his black robes, faces of torment,as if the garment was stitched of trapped souls from the Fields of Punishment, trying to get out. The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades' underwear?

    She'd also called me brave...unless she was talking to the catfish.

    Braccas meas vescimini!"

    I wasn't sure where the Latin came from. I think it meant 'Eat my pants!

    “Why can't you place a blessing like that on us?" I asked.

    "It only works on wild animals."

    "So it would only affect Percy," Annabeth reasoned.

    "My mom created the olive tree. The people saw that her gift was better, so they named the city after her."
    "They must really like olives."
    "Oh, forget it."
    "Now, if she'd invented pizza- that I could understand."

    I'd love to tell you I had some deep revelation on my way down, that I came to terms with my own mortality, laughed in the face of death, et cetera.
    The truth? My only thought was: Aaaaggghhhhh! (The Lightning Thief)

    "Dance you guys!" Thalia ordered. "You look stupid just standing there."
    I looked nervously at Annabeth, then at the groups of girls who were roaming the gym.
    "Well?" Annabeth asked.
    "Um, who should I ask?"
    She punched me in the gut. "Me, Seaweed Brain."
    "Oh. Oh right."

    "Let us find the dam snack bar." Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."
    Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"
    Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?"
    "Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."
    Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."...I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand."
    "I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said.
    "And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt."

    "We've got a dam hole."
    “Huh?”Hazel frowned.
    “Sorry, inside joke.” (Mark of Athena)

    "That's us," he said. "Those five nuts right there."
    "Which one is me?" I asked.
    "The little deformed one," Zoe suggested.
    "Oh, shut up."

    "Dreams like a podcast,
    Downloading truth in my ears.
    They tell me cool stuff."

    "Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
    He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."
    "A god named Fred?"

    Aphrodite: "Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"
    Percy: "Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"
    Aphrodite: "Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart." (Titan's Curse)

    "God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!"
    Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!""

    Rachel: They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb.
    Annabeth: Was it hard?"

    "my mother made a squeaking sound that might of been either "yes" or "help".
    Poseidon took it as a yes and came in.

    Paul was looking back and forth between us, trying to read our expressions. finally he stepped forward.
    "hi, I'm Paul Blofis"
    Poseidon raised an eyebrow and then shook his hand.
    "blowfish did you say?""ah, no.Blofis , actually."
    "oh i see," Poseidon said. "a shame. i quite like blowfish. i an Poseidon."
    "Poseidon? that's an interesting name."
    "yes, i like it. I've gone by other names, but i do prefer Poseidon."
    "like the god of the sea."
    "very much like that, yes"

    "well!" my mother interrupted. "um, were so glad you could drop by. Paul, this is Percy's father."
    "ah." Paul nodded, though he didn't look real pleased.
    "i see."
    Poseidon smiled at me. "there you are. my boy. and Tyson, hello, son!"
    "daddy!" Tyson [shouted]...

    Paul's jaw dropped. He stared at my mother. "Tyson is..."
    "not mine," she promised. "it’s a long story." (GUESSING WHERE THIS GOES)

    There were a lot of answers I might've given, from "I knew that" to "LIAR!" to "Yeah right, and I'm Zeus."

    I nodded, looking at Rachel with respect. "You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush." (Battle of the Labyrinth)

    “With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.”

    "A half blood of the eldest dogs"
    "Er, Percy? That's gods, not dogs."
    "Shall reach sixteen against all odds
    And see the world in endless sleep
    The hero’s soul, cursed blade shall reap
    A single choice shall end his days
    Olympus to… Pursue…"
    “It’s preserve, Percy. "
    “I knew that. Olympus to preserve or raze."

    "Curse me eh? I'll make you pay. I don't want to rhyme all day!"

    I don't recommend shadow travel if you're scared of:
    a) The dark
    b) Cold shivers up your spine
    c) Strange noises
    d) Going so fast you feel like your face is peeling off
    In other words, I thought it was awesome.

    The throne rumbled. A wave of gale-force anger slammed into me.
    WHO DARES-
    The voice stopped abruptly, The anger retreated, which was a good thing, because just those two words had almost blasted my mind to shreds.
    Percy. My fathers voice was still angry but more controlled. What-exactly-are you doing on my throne?
    "I'm sorry, Father," I said. "I needed to get your attention."
    This was a very dangerous thing to do. Even for you. If I hadn't looked before I blasted, you would now be a puddle of seawater.

    My brother broke into a toothy grin. "Yay! Your brain works!”

    “Erre es korakas, Blinky!" Dionysus cursed. "I will have your soul!”

    Everybody was patting Nico on the back, complimenting him on his fighting. Even the Ares kids thought he was pretty cool. Hey, show up with an army of undead warriors to save the day, and suddenly you're everybody's best friend.

    One passed us, swimming in a hurry. His eyes were bright green, like that stuff they put in glo-sticks, and his teeth were shark teeth. They don't show you stuff like that in "The Little Mermaid.

    "Hmm," Ares mused. "That means I can smash him to a pulp as often as I want, and he'll just keep coming back for more. I like this idea.”

    “We need music," Nico said. "How's your singing?"
    "Um, no. Can't you just, like, tell it to open? You're the son of Hades and all."
    "It's not so easy. We need music."
    I was pretty sure if I tried to sing, all I would cause was an avalanche.

    I planned to walk in slow and courageous like a real hero. As soon as the water touched my legs, my muscles turned to jelly and i fell face first into the current.

    "It's him," I said. "Typhon."
    I was seriously hoping Chiron would say something good, like 'No, that's our huge friend Leroy! He's going to help us!' (The Last Olympian)

    "Two hundred Romans, and no one’s got a pen? Never mind!"
    He slung his M16 onto his back and pulled out a hand grenade. There were many screaming Romans. Then the grenade morphed on a ballpoint pen, and mars began to write.
    Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed, can your sword do grenade form
    Percy mouthed back, no. Shut up.

    Reyna's hand rested halfway between her danger and the jelly beams. Percy had a feeling that if he made a sudden move, she wouldn't be grabbing for the candy.

    "I'll be back," he said. He felt pretty stupid talking to a t-shirt...

    "I'm not leaving for good. But I have to help these guys. They took mean. They deserve to survive."
    The T-shirt didn't answer, thankfully.

    Hazel pointed to the rock. "A big pile of schist."
    "Excuse me?"

    Love you all, happy reading/writing, fly on, stay alive, mitzpa, *three finger salute, may the odds be ever in your favor, goodbye, mwazzers, ciao, להתראות, до свидания, au revoir, kwaheri, 再見, さようなら, etc.

    Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

    Sabrina Grimm: Has Admireres by Juliette Grimm reviews
    Heres The Facts: 1)Sabrina has been gone for 3 years. 2)Puck and her go to the pool (that's when it all started.) 3)All of Puck's friends take 'interest' in Sabrina 4)Pucks MAD! 5)Sabrina is H-O-T HOT 6)After about awhile something might happen. I'm going to EDIT this eveually. When I started this I was a horrible writer and well I know it's not an excuse. *COMPLETE* BUT SO CRAPPY!
    Sisters Grimm - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 17 - Words: 9,861 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 2/4 - Published: 2/1/2013 - [Sabrina G., Puck] - Complete
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    Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Horror/Drama - Chapters: 17 - Words: 31,757 - Reviews: 349 - Favs: 158 - Follows: 204 - Updated: 1/25 - Published: 7/23/2011 - Max, Fang - Complete
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    The Journey Begins: Book 1 by H8rslovemecauseI'mawesome reviews
    A new threat is coming as Gaea awakens. Who is she bringing with her? And can the demigods stop her? Read as Percy and his new friends take on new challenges and new enemies. A Maximum Ride/ Percy Jackson Fanfic. Pairs: Jason/Piper, O.C/ Nico, Nyssa/O.C, Percy/O.C. Annabeth/ Dylan. Hopefully you guys like it. On Haitius
    Crossover - Maximum Ride & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 8,647 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 1/16 - Published: 4/26/2013 - Max, Percy J.
    The Forbidden Forest by H8rslovemecauseI'mawesome reviews
    In a world, where strange mystical creatures roam, there lies Pyxis. In Pyxis there are three kingdoms: The Lightwood kingdom in the North, the Herondale kingdom in the South and the Fairchild kingdom in between. Clarissa Morgenstern was raised to be a bandit, by the Bandit king, Valentine. She was held captive until she escaped and met King Stephen Herondale. On hatius.
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 11,538 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 129 - Updated: 1/16 - Published: 3/27/2013 - Clary F., Jace W.
    One Little Bet by bluebarnowl reviews
    Marina never had anytime for fun. She is then kidnapped by Captain Hook after he mistakes her Jane Darling. After Peter rescues her and explains that the only way off Neverland is too fly, she decides to stay. But NOT with Peter. They make a bet, if she can survive for one week on the island without help, she doesn't have to be Peter and the Lost Boy's mother. T for language, etc.
    Peter Pan - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 13,792 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 1/11 - Published: 12/1/2013 - Captain Hook, Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, OC
    Just a crush by alyson3il reviews
    What happens when Clary and Jonathon, children of a well-known billionaire meet football star Jace Wayland? What happens when Clary and her best friend tries out for the cheer squad and her brother goes out for football?
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 43,786 - Reviews: 166 - Favs: 178 - Follows: 275 - Updated: 12/23/2014 - Published: 4/16/2013 - [Clary F., Jace W.] Isabelle L., Jonathon M./Sebastian V.
    Iced by Starskulls reviews
    Just when it seems safe for the Guardians to relax again, Pitch returns and his powers are growing fast. But then the Guardians are summoned by the Man in the Moon because he has chosen a new Guardian! She may not have a special season, month or day but she is full of energy! Can she earn the Guardians trust and work with them to bring down Pitch for good? Cover by Midnighter12.
    Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 17,277 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 10/29/2014 - Published: 3/28/2013
    My Guardian by WanderingAngel97 reviews
    Max is a guardian angel. After her last protection detail went horribly wrong, she is reassigned to an "easier" charge. Nick "Fang" Walker, who turns out to be her toughest job yet. On top of that she is being stalked by a demon and is suffering from the guilt of her latest failure, which has left Max confused and unsure of herself. FAX! Rated "T" for violence, language and kissing
    Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 18 - Words: 48,103 - Reviews: 313 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 137 - Updated: 10/27/2014 - Published: 8/2/2013 - Max, Fang
    Xx IN LOVE FOREVER xX by HP-TMI-TS reviews
    WHEN BELLA IS FOUND IN MEXICO WHEN SHE IS 2 WEEKS OLD SHE IS TAKEN TO ITALY BY VAMPIRES. SHE IS THEN TAKEN BY our favourite vampire family THE CULLENS. WILL THE VOULTOURI COME BACK FOR HER? READ TO FIND OUT! please read! :) Sorry for bad writing on cover.
    Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 7,130 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 9/25/2014 - Published: 3/12/2013
    Our Favorite Guardians by Janazza reviews
    From heart wrenching betrayal to being attacked by his fairy fanclub, life with the new guardian of fun was not said to be easy. Watch as our favorite guardians grow closer through their trials in life. 1-3 shots.
    Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 31 - Words: 45,275 - Reviews: 325 - Favs: 152 - Follows: 167 - Updated: 8/19/2014 - Published: 3/3/2013 - Jack Frost
    Forgotten Princess by alyson3il reviews
    Clary Fray is the daughter of the thief king Valentine and is the sister of Jonathan whom live in the dark forest known as thieves forest. What happens when Clary tries to escape and runs into one of the kings of the three ruling kingdoms. And what will Valentine do to get his daughter back into his clutches?
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: M - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 12 - Words: 30,024 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 153 - Updated: 7/20/2014 - Published: 5/7/2013 - Clary F., Jace W., Valentine M., Stephen H.
    All Boys by Be My Master reviews
    My name is Clary, but in my new school, I go as Cain. I go to an all boys school for the arts, and I believe that I can have a normal school experience - as long as no one finds out I have a few, ehem, crucial "boy parts" missing. Based off iWant9Live2Live's story, "Forbidden". - Complete - Now on Archive of Our Own, be sure to go check, because I'm not uploading to here anymore.
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 40 - Words: 30,859 - Reviews: 392 - Favs: 205 - Follows: 291 - Updated: 6/28/2014 - Published: 5/4/2013 - Alec L., Clary F., Jace W., Magnus B. - Complete
    East Wind by antiprincess102 reviews
    "All right, fine." Jack said. "I'll admit it, it was my fault. BUT and it is a big one snicker I did not mean to kidnap you!" Jack and Elsa crossover! It's my first fanfic guys, be nice!
    Crossover - Rise of the Guardians & Frozen - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,874 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 6/4/2014 - Published: 6/3/2014 - [Elsa, Jack Frost]
    All Hallow's Eve by Fallenangel5342 reviews
    Pitch is back and is trying to get some allies. When Cori refuses, he kidnaps her. Will the Guardians come and save her? Sorry, bad summary, the story is better I promise.
    Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Horror - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,787 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 5/28/2014 - Published: 5/25/2014 - Pitch
    Fight For You by sugarandashley reviews
    Jace has always been entered in illegal fights. his foster dad couldnt care less about his safety. but this time there is a red headed girl from school being held against her will to watch. he bargains with her captor. if he wins, she goes free. if he loses she dies. but this time he is fighting for love. but this is no ordinary fight at all...
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 24 - Words: 60,316 - Reviews: 294 - Favs: 170 - Follows: 237 - Updated: 5/23/2014 - Published: 7/5/2012 - Jace W., Clary F.
    High school is just peachy here in the Peach State by Lunara7 reviews
    Maximum Martinez is not a normal girl; she has wings. She thinks she is the only one as she struggles to hide them from everybody else.But is she? At the same time, she has to survive high school in Georgia. Read to find out! Fax later! Rated T! OCs of the writers very involved in the story.
    Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 29 - Words: 57,671 - Reviews: 199 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 5/11/2014 - Published: 6/29/2012 - Max, Fang
    Alternate by The Lady Geek reviews
    In which I am transported to an alternate demension and fall for and meet Jack Frost. Yay. Every fangirls dream. But getting kidnapped by someone whose first name is Booger, no matter how many times he insist it isn't? No? Didn't think so.
    Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 4,320 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 5/6/2014 - Published: 1/4/2013 - Jack Frost
    Tennessee Kid Cooper's Misadventures by bluebarnowl reviews
    This summary is suckish. Tennessee had saved a family of raccoon's from coyote bandits. He is taken back to their house for a nice meal as a reward. But the bandits come back to kidnap the only daughter of the family which the leader of the bandits is sweet on. Now Tennessee must go after her and kick some bandit butt! Rated T for language and some rapist material.
    Sly Cooper - Rated: T - English - Romance/Western - Chapters: 12 - Words: 14,495 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 4/26/2014 - Published: 8/2/2013 - Tennessee Kid
    Expelled by NewmanYHC reviews
    Thinking isn't something Clary has ever been good at. Her big mouth gets her in trouble more often and not, and she can't seem to get anything under control. So when she gets expelled and is sent to a place that seems like a totally different world, will it be just as bad, or can the people she meets actually change things for the better? M for language.
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 31 - Words: 232,137 - Reviews: 322 - Favs: 318 - Follows: 362 - Updated: 4/22/2014 - Published: 7/12/2013 - Jace W., Clary F. - Complete
    TMI Chat Room by LilliabellaMichelle reviews
    The gang has recently learned how to use the Internet. Isabelle suggests that everyone speaks only on chat for as long as possible. What could possibly go wrong?
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 9,074 - Reviews: 166 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 4/2/2014 - Published: 5/27/2013 - Clary F., Isabelle L., Jace W., Magnus B. - Complete
    A Reason to Live by Spokensilenc3 reviews
    Max's life is in a steady downward spiral. Her dad died in war when she was only nine, leaving a huge gaping hole in her existence, her boyfriend is an alcoholic and possibly depressed, her brother parties for a living, she has a mother who doesn't care and a five year old boy to look after. When Fang moves to California, can he give her a reason to live?
    Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 35 - Words: 41,499 - Reviews: 239 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 143 - Updated: 4/2/2014 - Published: 2/11/2013 - Max, Fang
    Frozen Darkness by GrimReaperGirl14 reviews
    This new guardian is the spirt of Halloween, but is kinda like a ninja. She gets kidnapped by the guardians, says no to their offer of becoming like them, and more things will happen in the story. Description isn't that good, but story will be better.
    Rise of the Guardians - Rated: K - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 6 - Words: 2,328 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 3/19/2014 - Published: 2/10/2014 - Jack Frost, OC
    Love in Winter by FallenSnowflakes33 reviews
    He despised the annual Valentine's Day. Those kissy-kissy faces a couple would make. Those romantic things a guy or girl would do to each other... It disgusts him. A girl he kidnapped became a recent guardian. That would change his hatred to that annual day or maybe turn his life upside down. Jack x Reader!
    Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,770 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 2/17/2014 - Published: 2/16/2014 - Jack Frost
    50 Ways To Annoy Fang by silverink623 reviews
    We all know about the 50 ways to annoy Fang. So why don't we see what happens when the Flock put those scenarios to the test? rated T for later chapters
    Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 21 - Words: 12,761 - Reviews: 152 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 74 - Updated: 2/10/2014 - Published: 6/9/2013 - Fang
    Angel Boy by KitKatPurdy-xox reviews
    Modern Day Jace and Clary. Clary meets Jace, who breaks her wrist (by accident) and then of course...it leads to the inevitable. Please read and review. PLEASE REVIEW! I LOVE GETTING REVIEWS! Also, if you have any ideas for the story, leave a review or a PM with your idea...Love you all xoxoxoxo Hope you like the story :) AndyAshleyJakeJinxxCCPatchJace xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 34 - Words: 32,178 - Reviews: 137 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 120 - Updated: 2/9/2014 - Published: 11/6/2012 - Clary F., Jace W. - Complete
    Something to Live For by SarcasticChoices reviews
    When Clary's foster father is arrested she is taken to a new home, she fears it will be just as bad as her previous ones. But when she gets there... She meets her goth foster sister Isabelle, A super muscular foster brother named Alec and cocky hotheaded foster brother Jace! She trusts no one and lives for nothing. Can she find Something to Live For?
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 14 - Words: 39,315 - Reviews: 310 - Favs: 166 - Follows: 249 - Updated: 1/29/2014 - Published: 5/14/2013 - Clary F., Jace W.
    Wynter's Rose by Bloody Strawberry Doll reviews
    Wynter Rose Oxford just turned eighteen, and on her eighteenth birthday she finds out she was adopted. Furious with her parents for keeping it a secret for so long she goes off for a walk around town where she is kidnapped and told that she is a guardian...whatever that is.
    Rise of the Guardians - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 26 - Words: 21,504 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 1/26/2014 - Published: 6/25/2013 - Jack Frost - Complete
    Tears, Love, Jonathon Morganstern by write and read forever reviews
    Sapphire Blackthorn's mother has just committe sucide, and Sapphire's dad has sent her to live with her cousin Helen, as Sapphire thinks that know one cares and shes left all alone in the world, she meets a mysterous boy named Jonathon Morganstern at the Pandamonium one night. Will Jonathon be just what Sappfire need to help her let go of her mother, or make a new mess? please R&R
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 15 - Words: 12,624 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 1/20/2014 - Published: 6/9/2013 - Jonathon M./Sebastian V., Helen B.
    Reaped by theravensdiadem reviews
    The Hunger Games. District Four, a Career District. Where children voluntarily join a Game to murder until one remains. It's been going on for 64 years prior to this story, and with the 65th Annual Hunger Games, Corella Maritza feels nauseous at the prospect.
    Hunger Games - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 6 - Words: 27,969 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 1/13/2014 - Published: 12/31/2011 - Other tributes, Finnick O.
    Hearts Boxcar x Reader by Karkatsbabe reviews
    You have been kidnapped by The Felt, namely Sn0wman.
    Homestuck - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 713 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/8/2014 - [Hearts Boxcar, OC] - Complete
    Everafter Hghschool by Juliette Grimm reviews
    Sabrina and Puck go to Everafter Highschool E.H with school gossips spreading rumors about Sabrina and Puck well lets just say highschool is torture! Their willl defiantly be Puckbrina and I might make them get together. Hey PEOPLE I M BACK!Luv you reviewers! Hey the Sequel is called 'Expect The Worst! The start really sucks (grammar and spelling wise) but It gets better *COMPLETE*
    Sisters Grimm - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 19 - Words: 11,563 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 1/1/2014 - Published: 1/15/2013 - [Sabrina G., Puck] - Complete
    Isis by Judy1998 reviews
    At the young age of five, Isabella Swan learns that her father is an agent for a secret organization called Isis. Bella decides to follow her father's footsteps and begins her training. At seventeen, she meets a handsome agent by the name of Edward Cullen. As they begin working together, Bella must fight against the number one rule of Isis: No relationships with fellow agents.
    Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 80 - Words: 201,345 - Reviews: 1716 - Favs: 557 - Follows: 463 - Updated: 11/17/2013 - Published: 10/22/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
    Foster Child by DeUtvalda reviews
    Yeah, I really suck at summaries, but umm... Clary lives alone in an apartment in Brooklyn, until she is forced to move in with the Lightwoods, her new foster family. They already have two children and an adopted son, an arrogant player whose name happens to be Jace. First fanfic, so I'm a little nervous! Rated T because I'm paranoid. AU/AH probably OOC
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 28 - Words: 42,788 - Reviews: 333 - Favs: 193 - Follows: 290 - Updated: 11/10/2013 - Published: 1/3/2013 - Clary F., Jace W. - Complete
    Return Of Mother Nature by bluebarnowl reviews
    Artemis had the perfect life! Until the boogeyman came and ruined it! He kidnapped Artemis so he could steal her "powers". Now the Guardians and Jaime must find and stop Pitch from stealing Mother Nature's power's. Artemis is Mother Nature! She is the Guardian of Creativity and Imagination. Jack Frost/OC. Cover Image shows her true form! She's not a mary sue! So read past chapter1!
    Rise of the Guardians - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 12,680 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 10/22/2013 - Published: 8/13/2013 - [Jack Frost, OC] Jamie, Pitch - Complete
    Mistakes by Judy1998 reviews
    Marrying before the age of twenty was a mistake. After his naïve actions wreck their marriage, she leaves him to carry on with her life, eager to erase her past. Eight years later, Bella is back, and Edward is determined to reverse everything. Will Bella be able to forgive him for their horrible past? Or will Edward fail in his task of getting her back?
    Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 70 - Words: 164,795 - Reviews: 2300 - Favs: 561 - Follows: 573 - Updated: 10/20/2013 - Published: 11/2/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
    Hetalia! by fanfanficfreak reviews
    A person gets kidnapped. Who? You! Strangest thing is...why? Hetalia x reader *Hitaus*
    Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 8,713 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 10/10/2013 - Published: 7/22/2013
    Truth or Dare, TMI Style! by MilliniumLint reviews
    Another truth or dare story, but hey, I can t get enough of them!
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 9,146 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 104 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 10/8/2013 - Published: 7/16/2013 - Isabelle L., Jace W. - Complete
    The Runaway Case by WanderingAngel97 reviews
    Max ran away from home, or at least that's what the police are saying. But Fang doesn't think so. There's something not quite right about this case, and there's something fishy going on in this little Arizona town. Fang is determined to get to the bottom of this. even if it costs him his life. Rated "T" for violence, language, and some kissy-kissy scenes, MAJOR FAX! ALL HUMAN
    Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 39 - Words: 61,579 - Reviews: 252 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 60 - Updated: 10/1/2013 - Published: 6/6/2013 - Fang, Max
    Idris School AU by pottertribute123 reviews
    Clary is a model and is always being hit on even though, she is 'untouchable'. Jace is also a model and of course a player. They both attend Idris school with, Alec, Izzy, Simon and Magnus. CLACE/MALEC/SIZZY RATED M FOR DRUGS AND SEX.
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 31 - Words: 44,282 - Reviews: 388 - Favs: 231 - Follows: 350 - Updated: 9/19/2013 - Published: 5/11/2013 - Clary F., Jace W.
    I can SO be sparkly by Soyasora reviews
    Alec is reading Twilight. Then somehow he thinks he can be sparkly. That's when things go wrong. Fluffy fluff, OOC, slightly crack fic. (Put on hiatus for now)
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 607 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 9/17/2013 - Published: 9/16/2013 - Alec L., Magnus B.
    The Unexpected Pair by 123onlyforyou reviews
    Clary is just another face in the crowd at her high school. However, she is one the few girls at the school who doesn't fall for the school's "Golden Boy", Jace Herondale. What happens when she and the most popular boy in school end up in the Principle's office and have to serve the punishment together? Will their hatred grow, or turn into something else? Rated k to be safe
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 12,782 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 149 - Updated: 9/12/2013 - Published: 6/10/2013 - Jace W., Clary F., Isabelle L., Maia
    A Cinderella story Maximum ride style by gigglesandbooks reviews
    Living in Arizona, Max lost her mom and now lives with her step father Jeb and his twin daughters- Lissa and Brigid. She the schools loser, but she has a voice. At the ball she meets Fang, her best friend's brother. FAX! no wings. R&R!
    Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 29 - Words: 91,120 - Reviews: 947 - Favs: 290 - Follows: 311 - Updated: 8/29/2013 - Published: 1/11/2012 - Max, Fang - Complete
    The Kissing Dilemma by dayuuuumgirl reviews
    Clary's life is far from perfect. She's the school bully's favorite victim, she threw up on the hottest guy on campus, and, on top of everything, her mom is dating her English teacher. So in comparison, a lead in a class play doesn't seem like the end of the world, does it? Not when the play is Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, and Romeo happens to be the very guy she threw up on!
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 30 - Words: 50,812 - Reviews: 2090 - Favs: 1,216 - Follows: 967 - Updated: 8/22/2013 - Published: 8/10/2012 - Clary F., Jace W. - Complete
    The Cullen Legacy by pattyrose reviews
    Legacy - A gift; sometimes unknowingly bestowed. Bella met Edward in a London pub, never imagining where each would be 7 years later: he a Congressman fueled by ever-growing political ambition, she the woman with an explosive secret that can end all his dreams. But Bella might soon find that revenge isn't all it's cracked up to be, and that Edward may harbor his own dark secrets.
    Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 44 - Words: 233,203 - Reviews: 15234 - Favs: 5,181 - Follows: 4,583 - Updated: 8/19/2013 - Published: 3/4/2013 - Bella, Edward - Complete
    Pyxis by neverneverever reviews
    When Simon saves a young boy from a demon attack, he finds himself in a part of the shadow world he never knew existed. A place where shadowhunters, downworlders and mundanes work together to keep the shadow world safe from itself. When someone goes missing, Simon must get his new friends and his old friends to work together to find him and it is not going to be easy. T for lang.
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,966 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 8/15/2013 - Published: 5/11/2013 - Simon L.
    Truth Or Dare: Evil & Good by LilliabellaMichelle reviews
    Team Evil & Team Good decide to play truth or dare at Magnus' apartment. In this: Jonathan is somewhat decent and Malec are still together.
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,806 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 8/10/2013 - Published: 6/22/2013 - Clary F., Jace W., Magnus B., Jonathon M./Sebastian V.
    What Goes Around, Comes Around by NewmanYHC reviews
    17 year old Emily Herondale is the strongest Shadowhunter alive, narrowly beating out her dad, Jace. When threats start to occur between families, secrets are hidden while others emerge. People will be loved, hurt, and struggle to survive, but Emily's family refuses to let the demons of the world prevail. WARNING: Tessa and Jem will appear a bit for those who haven't read TID!
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 30 - Words: 132,346 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 8/9/2013 - Published: 6/10/2013 - Clary F., Jace W. - Complete
    Kidnapped A Journey of Love and Hate by Shizza24 reviews
    Princess Yuuki Kuran's perfectly royal life takes a 180 turn when she is kidnapped by pirates, notorious across the seven seas for their atrocious ways. Led by Captain Zero Kiryuu, the pirates are a menacing sight. But is there more than meets the eye?
    Vampire Knight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 25,242 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 68 - Follows: 93 - Updated: 8/5/2013 - Published: 3/5/2012 - Yuki C., Zero K.
    Redemption's Heart by Marina-ondine reviews
    (Sequel to Assasin's heart) Edward has been kidnapped by the Volturi in hope that the talented member's of the Cullen clan will join Aro's army. What will the Cullens do to get back their Edward? A lot of OC X OC and sadly not much werewolf...Do not read if you are a Jacob/Renesmee fanatic. Rated T because of swearing :P
    Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Crime - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,183 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 8/4/2013 - Published: 4/10/2013 - Bella, Edward, Renesmee C./Nessie
    What the Wind may Whisper by ebonyrose778 reviews
    I don't have a name. Or a home. Or a family. At least, not anymore. I don't even have a purpose in life. But i do now one thing. I'm not normal. Just call me Breeze.
    Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,181 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 8/2/2013 - Published: 7/30/2013 - OC, Percy J., Annabeth C., Thalia G.
    Dance by Judy1998 reviews
    Two different people were selected as the leads in a school musical. They grew close enough to love each other. Then, she had to leave. Two different shocks makes them lose their memories of each other. Eight years later, Bella and Edward meet again. As they grow close again and memories return, Bella grows unsure. Can Edward convince her that they belong together?
    Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 110 - Words: 250,144 - Reviews: 1167 - Favs: 248 - Follows: 209 - Updated: 8/2/2013 - Published: 8/18/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
    Unexpected Love by walkingdeaddaryl reviews
    Clary Fray is a 16 year old girl growing up as an orphan in New York City. She works at Java Cafe in a band for musical entertainment. She seems to know everyone but what happens when a mysterious golden stranger appears and tries to make a connection? Will Clary reveal her poor past or shut him out like she does all the others. FIRST FANFIC SO PLEASE READ! :)
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 25 - Words: 71,545 - Reviews: 171 - Favs: 106 - Follows: 132 - Updated: 7/27/2013 - Published: 5/24/2013 - Clary F., Jace W.
    scared by Some-GAY-ass-Nerd reviews
    Max and Ari live with their adopted mom Anna, Anna beats them and Max is pushed into fangs group, will fang find out whats hurting her? Involves some cussing. Fang x Max. (On hold)
    Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 7,542 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 7/24/2013 - Published: 2/10/2013 - Max, Fang
    Of Magnificence and Phenomenons by Emily-Rose-Love reviews
    How does the High Warlock of Brooklyn deal with his increasing connection to the young Shadowhunters? How about his increasing connection to one very blue-eyed boy in particular? The story of "City of Bones" from Magnus' point of view.
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 9,026 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 71 - Updated: 7/16/2013 - Published: 4/14/2013 - Magnus B., Alec L.
    Green Eyes by ariapyrasyria reviews
    Edward has a mysterious encounter with someone he never thought could exist...and she haunts him. What happens when Vampires aren't the only dangerous ones out there? **DISCONTINUED**
    Crossover - Twilight & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 42 - Words: 89,007 - Reviews: 279 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 7/14/2013 - Published: 11/11/2012
    The Survivor by ariapyrasyria reviews
    An orphan living in a refugee camp. A hot headed soldier who captures her. What could become of this? Only love can triumph in war. E/B, AH, AU.
    Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 15 - Words: 24,326 - Reviews: 87 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 7/14/2013 - Published: 1/24/2013 - Bella, Edward - Complete
    Certain Dark Things by valiantmongoose reviews
    "I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul." - Pablo Neruda.- Alec runs an animal shelter for abused/abandoned animals in Las Vegas and lives with his long-term, high-profile lawyer boyfriend. For his 25th birthday his boyfriend brings him to the strip to celebrate in style and he meets a dancer with the stage name Magnus Bane.
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 23 - Words: 73,231 - Reviews: 337 - Favs: 131 - Follows: 103 - Updated: 7/13/2013 - Published: 5/30/2013 - Alec L., Magnus B.
    Hetalia for 7 Minutes by AWESOMEglace009 reviews
    A random 7 minutes in heaven fic with reader-chan! Except, reader-chan is kidnapped by a America to go to a party! lolwut? Human names are used cuz I'm awesome! Whatevs, I'm just takin' space now! So peace off! Read, review, and REQUEST!
    Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,185 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 8 - Published: 7/5/2013 - America, France, Prussia, Spain
    My version of City of Lost Souls by mimi55337 reviews
    I give my version of how the end of City of Lost Souls should happen. I wish Cassandra Clare would have wrote it this way, but she didn't, so I did! Enjoy please! Review!
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,894 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 6/24/2013 - Published: 7/31/2012 - Clary F., Jonathon M./Sebastian V.
    To Fight Fear by redroses100 reviews
    After foiling Pitch's attempts to kidnap teenage girl, all the Guardians are justifiably curious about her. But the girl has a tragic history that may explain Pitch's sudden reappearance after twelve years. But is Pitch really only after her fear?
    Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 9 - Words: 21,338 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 6/24/2013 - Published: 12/30/2012 - Bunnymund, Pitch - Complete
    The Player Gets Played by LilliabellaMichelle reviews
    Clary, Maia, and Isabelle are the Queens of Idris Shadowhunter Academy. They are also the school players. Clary ranks at the top. When a new student arrives, she thinks she has a new victim. He's also a player but doesn't want to give up his title. As they dance around each other will feelings blossom? Disclaimer: All of the characters belong to Cassandra Clare.
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 7,420 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 6/23/2013 - Published: 5/24/2013 - Clary F., Jace W.
    The Last Two by thelovelymystery reviews
    This is a series of Tessa and Jace (not slash! Purely platonic) oneshots. There are major spoilers for Clockwork Princess and minor spoilers for City of Glass and City of Lost Souls. I hope you enjoy! (first two chapters are companion pieces!)
    Crossover - Mortal Instruments & Infernal Devices, Cassandra Clare - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,726 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 6/12/2013 - Published: 4/3/2013 - Jace W., Tessa G.
    The Dare by LuisantEtoile reviews
    Sequel is out! "The Next Dare" Uncle Jake dared the Grimms and Puck to say yes to everything. They have to agree to everything people ask. The Grimms and others have no idea whats in store for them...PREQUEL FOR THE NEXT DARE!
    Sisters Grimm - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 4,775 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 5/30/2013 - Published: 3/8/2013 - Complete
    The Demons Inside by SoYeahHeyGuys reviews
    AU Clary Fray has a horrible life at home but to top it all off she is considered an outcast at school. How will people react when they discover her secret? Will a certain golden boy help her through? Clace, Sizzy, Malec
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 27,366 - Reviews: 195 - Favs: 212 - Follows: 186 - Updated: 5/6/2013 - Published: 3/11/2013 - Clary F., Jace W. - Complete
    Colliding Worlds by Saige Shadows reviews
    The Cullens are playing a game in the woods, when Bella sees a red-headed girl fighting a strange creature in a clearing. Clary is on her own fighting demons in the clearing woods when she meets a mysterious boy that sparkles. When two very different world collide, is it going to be good or will the world turn unside down. BTW, T is a mix of NM and BD. Doesn't have Nessie in it. :(
    Crossover - Twilight & Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 3,011 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 4/22/2013 - Published: 2/8/2013 - Bella, Clary F. - Complete
    Assassin's Heart by Marina-ondine reviews
    Bella, is the world's deadliest vampire. After bieng framed for a crime she didn't commit, she has left her father Aro before his army could kill her...500 years later Bella is at last brave enough to face the world again, she can't trust anyone not even herself but what will happen when she meets a certain family with topaz coloured eyes. RATED T BECAUSE OF SWEARING.
    Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Crime - Chapters: 41 - Words: 23,096 - Reviews: 171 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 67 - Updated: 4/10/2013 - Published: 2/16/2013 - Bella, Edward - Complete
    Proffesor Bane by fantasycrossoverqueen reviews
    Magnus Bane has been summoned by the Clave to go on a very important mission to investigate a series of events that have occurred in the wizarding world. How will Hogwarts react when Magnus Bane becomes a proffesor? and how can he help save the downworld from the brink of destruction?
    Crossover - Harry Potter & Mortal Instruments - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 420 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 23 - Published: 4/7/2013
    Finding Faith by Brackenfrond reviews
    Ok, Alice could accept that maybe the things she believed in when she was little were real. But her being a guardian, along with Jamie and Sophie - impossible. But, maybe like Jack said, she just needed to find some faith in herself. Includes future Jackrabbit and JamiexOC. T because I'm not sure what to rate it as -.-'
    Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 8 - Words: 25,090 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 4/7/2013 - Published: 12/19/2012 - Jamie, Jack Frost
    Golden Lifestyle by Judy1998 reviews
    In 1912, the RMS Titanic set sail for New York. Isabella Swan was onboard with her parents and fiance, when tragedy strikes. Now the only one left in her family, she makes her way to New York where she meets a vampire who changes her. After many years of traveling alone, she meets the Cullens. Can they convince her to stay? Will Edward be able to change her disapproval of men?
    Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 51 - Words: 94,460 - Reviews: 705 - Favs: 509 - Follows: 312 - Updated: 4/4/2013 - Published: 9/1/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
    Drifting by fantasycrossoverqueen reviews
    As the shadowhunters of the New York institute drift apart, something miraculous happens, and they are transported back in time to Victorian England. Will they be able to keep together as a group? Keep their Identities secret? and get along with unruly ancestors?
    Crossover - Mortal Instruments & Infernal Devices, Cassandra Clare - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Tragedy - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,572 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 3/29/2013 - Published: 9/4/2012
    Kidnap Attempt by charmed7293 reviews
    Based on a kink meme prompt, Pitch is a mob boss and Jack is a college student who babysits for money. Pitch hears Jack is the best of the best when it comes to babysitting and he won't accept anything less when it comes to his daughter, so he hires Jack. Jack knows a kidnap attempt by a rival crime lord was inevitable, but nothing could prepare him for when it actually happens.
    Rise of the Guardians - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,484 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 82 - Follows: 56 - Updated: 3/11/2013 - Published: 3/1/2013 - [Jack Frost, Pitch]
    Between The Lines by TheBurningNight reviews
    When Jace tries to convince Clary to create a time travel rune, Alec knows it's trouble from the beginning. Magnus has no idea what's going on...until his past show up on his doorstep. But things are not as innocent as it may seem...
    Crossover - Mortal Instruments & Infernal Devices, Cassandra Clare - Rated: T - English - Mystery - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,033 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 171 - Updated: 3/9/2013 - Published: 4/7/2012
    stupid silence by hopetobeanauthor1 reviews
    Clary Fray just wants to survive high school, and get into art school. She doesn't want to date, and get involved in girl drama. And she definitely doesn't want magic screwing things up. The lightwoods and their adopted son, Jace, are her worst nightmare. Too bad they seem to think it's their responsibility to kidnap her. *this is my first fanfiction, no hate please*
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,533 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 2/23/2013 - Published: 2/9/2013 - Clary F.
    A Matter of Time by herondaleinstitute reviews
    "Who are you? Where have you come from?" Jace asked, a look of concern on his face, his eyes narrowed on the boy with the dark hair. He moved forward, passing the two others he had arrived with. "My name is William Herondale, but everyone calls me Will." He said.
    Crossover - Mortal Instruments & Infernal Devices, Cassandra Clare - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 12 - Words: 17,682 - Reviews: 90 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 165 - Updated: 2/3/2013 - Published: 11/3/2012 - Jace W., Will H.
    The Letter by DGMSilverAirHead03 reviews
    Dudley's eldest daughter gets an interesting visitor.
    Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,539 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 10 - Published: 1/26/2013 - Dudley D., Draco M. - Complete
    Discoveries by Regina de Morte a.k.a. Mezza reviews
    What happens when a copy of Clockwork Angel finds its way into Clary's hands? Read and find out. I promise to finish this. HIATUS - Sad, I know. At least I'm not kidding anyone.
    Crossover - Mortal Instruments & Infernal Devices, Cassandra Clare - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,639 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 1/15/2013 - Published: 3/7/2011 - Clary F., Magnus B.
    The Girl with the Violet Eyes by Katerina Dimitrov reviews
    "Pitch finds out, and kidnaps me, to try to get to Jack. But turns out... I'm more than just an innocent human girl. Or a bargaining chip."
    Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 20,701 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 12/30/2012 - Published: 12/2/2012
    School for Shadowhunters by herondaleinstitute reviews
    Set after CoLS. After the events of the series Clary and Simon head back to school, only to be met by a demon for an English teacher with a link to a certain warlock.Things start to get out of hand and as usual people's lives are at stake.
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 12 - Words: 16,320 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 10/27/2012 - Published: 9/20/2012 - Clary F., Simon L.
    Demigods go to Highschool by DragoNik reviews
    Pery and Nico finally go to high school after 5 years with their dad. They DON'T know about camp half blood. they meet Annabeth and Thalia. So what will happen? All PJO characters dead are alive. Percabeth and Thalico. This story is obviously AU! Enjoy :D!
    Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 26 - Words: 96,085 - Reviews: 1298 - Favs: 853 - Follows: 549 - Updated: 6/13/2012 - Published: 6/28/2010 - Percy J., Annabeth C. - Complete
    The Malfoy Family Code of Conduct by MidnightEmber reviews
    Every little rule a member of the illustrious Malfoy family needs to live by in high society even if none of them truly made any sense to Harry no matter how much Draco explained them.SLash-DM/HP
    Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 15 - Words: 22,549 - Reviews: 157 - Favs: 296 - Follows: 190 - Updated: 5/16/2012 - Published: 5/1/2010 - Draco M., Harry P. - Complete
    The Shadowhunter Dialogue by allonssy reviews
    The Infernal Devices gang receive a device called a 'Macbook', and they communicate with the Mortal Instruments gang! I suck at summaries.
    Crossover - Mortal Instruments & Infernal Devices, Cassandra Clare - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 4,467 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 4/16/2012 - Published: 4/10/2012 - Jace W., Will H.
    Speak Now by LoveHappyEndings reviews
    Fang was seriously regretting his decision to leave the flock 15 years ago. He had told her to wait 20 years, but he couldn't have expected her to wait so long. He watched her float down the aisle in her white dress. ONE SHOT. Based on Taylor Swift's song.
    Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,182 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 3 - Published: 4/8/2012 - Fang, Max - Complete
    The Swan Princess Hetalia Style by Birdy Chan reviews
    Hetalia x Reader Parody of the Swan Princess. The reader was kidnapped by Francis to try and take her father's kingdom and placed a spell on her until she agrees to marry him. Can Alfred save her in time? Read and review please!
    Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 8,318 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 4/5/2012 - Published: 2/28/2012 - America
    Karkat: Find John by Sabertoothshadow reviews
    This is my AU Stucknapped. In this one John is kidnapped. He is still a godteir. 'Hey John, kiss me again' ...what, I got bored in class and I had a roleplay like this... That leads to a fanfic okay!
    Homestuck - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,134 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 7 - Published: 3/14/2012 - John E., Karkat V. - Complete
    The Heat, Another Jasper Bella Kidnap Story by 4MeJasper reviews
    Yet another Jasper/Bella kidnap story. Peter kidnaps Bella as a gift for Jasper's birtday.
    Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 12 - Words: 21,054 - Reviews: 403 - Favs: 297 - Follows: 217 - Updated: 3/9/2012 - Published: 12/31/2011 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
    Darling Malec oneshot by kielykools reviews
    Malec. Fluff. Just a simple little scene of pure Malec fluff :
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 800 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 134 - Follows: 20 - Published: 2/22/2012 - Alec L., Magnus B. - Complete
    You Found Me by Kristylized reviews
    Edward Masen is nomadic vampire travelling with James and Victoria. While rampaging on the outskirts of Forks, he stumbles upon a brown-eyed girl reading in a meadow. It isn't long before he realizes there's more to being a vampire than he ever thought possible. AU.
    Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 42 - Words: 290,816 - Reviews: 954 - Favs: 768 - Follows: 474 - Updated: 2/14/2012 - Published: 4/22/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
    Resident Geek by cdunbar reviews
    Geeky Edward thinks he has absolutely no shot with the popular, beautiful Bella. Is he right, or will she be one of the many girls who thinks geeks make for better lovers? M for language, sexuality, and some underage drinking. A little OOC...ok, a lot OOC
    Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 22 - Words: 95,911 - Reviews: 5446 - Favs: 6,483 - Follows: 5,188 - Updated: 12/13/2011 - Published: 8/30/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
    Facebook! by LarryStylisonandWaldez4life1D reviews
    Characters from Sisters Grimm and Percy Jackson are all together on Facebook
    Crossover - Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Sisters Grimm - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 10,782 - Reviews: 96 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 11/18/2011 - Published: 8/1/2011
    Scarlet by Zephyroh reviews
    TRAD archer24 : Bella est le meilleur voleur que le monde ait jamais vu; elle est seulement reconnue par sa carte de visite écarlate. Edward est au FBI, et a été capable d'attraper chaque criminel qu'il a croisé. Et ils sont sur le point de se rencontrer.
    Twilight - Rated: M - French - Crime/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 89,415 - Reviews: 388 - Favs: 194 - Follows: 204 - Updated: 9/19/2011 - Published: 12/19/2010 - Bella, Edward
    Kidnapped by Jamie73 reviews
    A normal sleepover for the Chipmunks and Chipettes turns into a crazy adventure when they are kidnapped and taken away from their homes. But the question is: Who kidnapped them? ***ON HOLD***
    Alvin and the chipmunks - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 9 - Words: 12,797 - Reviews: 163 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 8/12/2011 - Published: 1/23/2010
    Sparkle Showdown by MaximumRideRocksMyPJs reviews
    Magnus Bane and Edward Cullen have a showdown of sparkly proportions. Nuff said. Oneshot. R&R!
    Crossover - Twilight & Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,027 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 5 - Published: 7/24/2011 - Edward, Magnus B. - Complete
    Second Chances by aquamysticwriter reviews
    A new Institute is built in Forks and Clary, Jace, Isabelle and Alec are transferred there. They meet up with the Cullens and the La Push werewolves and things get a little complicated. WARNING post COG and BD spoilers! Anonymous reviews accepted.
    Crossover - Twilight & Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 22,594 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 60 - Updated: 5/8/2011 - Published: 8/11/2009 - Complete
    Flynn Rider's Greatest Theft by alexatheknight reviews
    Flynn Rider is the kingdom's most wanted thief. He's stolen more items than all criminals put together. But there is one theft, one that he'd never expect to steal. Yet he couldn't imagine life without it. For the lovely Anna.
    Tangled - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,411 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/7/2011 - Flynn R., Rapunzel
    Raising Bella by MilkshakeFanfiction reviews
    Edward Cullen's life is turned upside down one night as he takes in the scent of the most desirable blood imaginable. But he discovers the scent in the form of a two year old, alone in the woods. Can he resist temptation long enough to raise her?
    Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 40,796 - Reviews: 495 - Favs: 341 - Follows: 393 - Updated: 11/6/2010 - Published: 10/14/2008 - Bella, Edward
    KIDNAP by Biddy429 reviews
    Lady Isabella Swan has been kidnapped and is being held against her will, her captor is persuasive and intriguing but who is he, and who is her saviour? I would like this to be an interactive story with input from my readers so read and let me know your.
    Twilight - Rated: K - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,769 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 10/30/2010 - Published: 9/20/2010 - Bella
    It Will Be As If I'd Never Existed by pattyrose reviews
    It's been over 4 years since Edward left. Bella's tried to move on. She's about to graduate college and go on with life, when a weekend trip brings her face to face with her past. What results will either lead to tragedy or finally, to her happiness. ExB
    Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 340,398 - Reviews: 2057 - Favs: 1,600 - Follows: 671 - Updated: 8/17/2010 - Published: 7/23/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
    Code of Conduct by MandyLeigh87 reviews
    Disciplined Edward is hired as a bodyguard for Bella, a rebellious teen who is the police commssioner's daughter. Their relationship develops to something they don't expect, revealing inner demons for both. Rated M for language, drug use, and adult things
    Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 43 - Words: 247,569 - Reviews: 4841 - Favs: 3,780 - Follows: 1,547 - Updated: 5/31/2010 - Published: 1/2/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
    Heading for a Breakdown by crazimonki94 reviews
    Bella works in a bookshop. Edward likes books. Cha-ching. They meet. He doesn't know what he's gotten himself into. Bella has a psyco-stalker waiting to kidnap her at any moment. Will just one slip ruin everything? E/B All human. OOC. T for now. Lemons?
    Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,125 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 1/14/2010 - Published: 1/13/2010 - Bella, Edward
    Chapter Two, Hostage, Home, and Hearth by ILoveGeorgeCooper reviews
    Puck and Sabrina face more adventures together, starting a few weeks after the last story left off. Fluff, darkness, and generalized yayness.
    Sisters Grimm - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 11 - Words: 11,265 - Reviews: 119 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 11/9/2009 - Published: 9/14/2009 - Complete
    Officer Goodbody by Kambria Rain reviews
    Fresh out of rehab, Nessie decides to reconnect with her big sister Bella. Staying out of trouble isn’t so easy, especially with a cop living next door. Companion piece to Bella Swan: Kidnapper. The missing moments of Jake and Nessie.
    Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 38,572 - Reviews: 1955 - Favs: 1,806 - Follows: 494 - Updated: 8/28/2009 - Published: 7/20/2009 - Renesmee C./Nessie, Jacob - Complete
    And You Thought it Couldn't Get Worse! by Emy Bellerose reviews
    First, get captured because you're a pirate. Check! Second, get kidnapped and irritated by a pirate. Check! Third, fall in love with said pirate. Che-Wait! That wasn't part of the plan. JP/LE
    Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,819 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 8/11/2009 - Published: 9/29/2008 - Lily Evans P., James P.
    Bella Swan: Kidnapper by Kambria Rain reviews
    Um. Hi. I don’t really know how to say this, but I have your kids with me, and I was thinking maybe you would like them back. So yeah… call me.
    Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 23 - Words: 74,736 - Reviews: 8666 - Favs: 14,021 - Follows: 2,894 - Updated: 6/27/2009 - Published: 5/15/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
    Captivated by Peeves Winchester reviews
    Hermione is kidnapped by pirates after witnessing a robbery in progress and meets a dashing cabin boy with a deadly secret. Very AU Pirates of the Carribeanesque
    Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,480 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 2/22/2008 - Published: 7/12/2007 - Hermione G., Ron W.
    The Malfoy Code of Conduct by Kandice reviews
    Draco continues family tradition and presents his son with the latest edition of The Malfoy Code of Conduct.
    Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,997 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 6/22/2005 - Published: 3/21/2005 - Draco M., Lucius M.
    Leverage by Hyena Cub reviews
    Frank and Joe have their first encounter with professional criminals when they are kidnapped as leverage against their father.
    Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 36,576 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 6 - Published: 7/14/2004
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    DirkxReader- Talking About Your Feelings
    This is another fluffy one. I get bored sometimes, okay! Leave me here to die...
    Homestuck - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 835 - Favs: 2 - Published: 9/22/2014 - Dirk S. - Complete
    Snuggle Buddies and Jägerbombs reviews
    Um... I think this basically sums it up. Jace is drunk and turns up in your room. Based on a meme I found on facebook. Oneshot unless you want me to do another character.
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 611 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/20/2014 - Jace W. - Complete
    Strange Birds reviews
    Max lives in New Jersey with her family. Angel, Nudge, and The Gasman live in separate houses, having escaped the School on their own. Fang and Iggy have been separated from them when they escaped, and Max is trying to cope with High School and hiding their "feathery issues" from the normal people. Will the flock find its missing pieces? And can they survive when Erasers find them?
    Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,103 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 11/10/2013 - Published: 11/8/2013 - Max, Fang, Angel, Iggy
    Search for Believers 2 reviews
    Everything has returned to normal for the Shadowhunter crew, but it's kinda hard to stay that way! Sapphira is having flashbacks, and there's someone new threatening the Mundies. Can they stop Daniel before it's too late? And where do Brandon's loyalties really lie?
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,371 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 10/21/2013 - Published: 10/3/2013 - Jace W., Jonathon M./Sebastian V., Isabelle L., Magnus B.
    Search for Believers reviews
    The TMI cast has officially found out about the books. They go on a wild search to find the fans who believe in it as non-fiction so that the Silent Brothers can wipe their minds and make them see it as fiction. Meanwhile, Sebastian/Jonathon has plans to expose the Shadow World with these specific mundies. Can the gang protect them? What to do when you have to wipe your friends? T
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Drama - Chapters: 32 - Words: 30,555 - Reviews: 61 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 10/3/2013 - Published: 6/4/2013 - Clary F., Isabelle L., Jace W., Jonathon M./Sebastian V. - Complete
    The Killer reviews
    What if Jace had actually went into the mundane world as a hit man? What happens when he gets arrested by the FBI? Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments.
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 5,177 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 9/24/2013 - Published: 6/20/2013 - Alec L., Clary F., Jace W., Magnus B.
    Kidnapped or Rescued? reviews
    All mundane. Clary Fray is a poor girl who lives in Harlem with her mother. One night, a white-haired man comes and starts beating her mother, and says that he's her father, Valentine. Before she can process the information, a golden-haired stranger kidnaps her, to keep her safe from her newfound family, and Valentine wants her back. Can Clary save her mother? Rated T for insurance
    Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 11,747 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 8/16/2013 - Published: 5/29/2013 - Clary F., Jace W., Jocelyn F., Valentine M.
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