I'm a forty-something Brit who works in Agricultural Finance for a major bank. Please don't hold that against me. I'm normally to be found on SIYE so that will immediately give away how I ship.

Up-date: 14/03/17

It finally happened - I've publish a non-Harry Potter story! As over the last few years I've developed a love of anime (which probably started by in my childhood with shows like 'Battle of the Planets' and 'Marine Boy') I've selected the world of RWBY to corrupt work with, mainly due to my love of so many of the show's characters. Honestly, how many shows can boast such a wonderful and varied cast, from the four main girls, the outstanding 'B' Team of JNPR, to even minor characters like Velvet or Winter. It's one of those shows that when you see anyone new, you instantly want to know everything about them. The developing backstory is becoming fascinating, too, moving the show away from a mainly character based one with lots of cool fights, to something genuinely special. I came very close to writing a 'Darker than Black' story (honestly, am I the only person who doesn't hate season 2?), but RWBY just won it for me.

Monty Oum, wherever you are now, I humbly apologise for what I'm about to do to your creation...

Up-date: 12/01/15

Does anyone actually read these things? Oh well, in the hope that somebody does, I thought I’d update you all on what’s happening in Brennus land.

I’m current ten chapters into my latest story, which goes by the title of ‘Homecoming’. It’s another ‘Harry never went to Hogwarts’ tale, and features Harry as a burnt out spook, returning to England after undertaking dangerous undercover operations throughout the world for the last four years. It’s pretty Tonks-heavy, although will feature my usual Harry/Ginny pairing.

Actually, I would like to say something about pairings. My last couple of stories, ‘Hail Odysseus’ and the ‘Thorny Rose’ series, have both had the good fortune to attract a lot of reviews from non-Harry/Ginny shippers. Generally, these have been extremely gratifying and I have to say I do get a kick out of reading a review that starts with ‘normally, I hate Harry/Ginny stories, but…”. Unfortunately, a few of these reviewers then go on to try and prove why their preferred ship is far superior to the canon ones. Sorry, chaps, I’m a canon kinda guy and nothing you say will change that. I have, however, noticed that each group of alternative shippers have a definite character to them. Here are my observations on the characteristics of these various groups: -

Harry/Hermione

Oh, dear. If I get trouble from alternative shippers, 9 times out of 10 it will be this mob. By far the most bitter of all the alternative shippers, I can only assume that they are angry that they sat through five books in anticipation of Harry and Hermione getting it on, only for Ginny to (literally) run into his arms. Sorry guys, just because they are good friends it doesn’t immediately follow that they would make a good romantic pairing. Ignoring the fact that Ron and Hermione’s relationship was pretty much telegraphed right from the beginning (as was Harry and Ginny’s in my opinion, but a lot less obviously), the fact is that Harry and Hermione never displayed the slightest interest in each other as anything other than friends, and generally act more like brother and sister, then anything. The Hollywood-driven idea of the leading man always ending up with the leading lady is lazy and irrational, in my opinion. Oh, and JKR never said that she should have paired them up: actually read the bloody interview before using it as supposed proof.

Harry/Luna

A surprisingly rare ship and the few that do think its good idea are completely outnumbered by Harry/Ginny/Luna mob. I have to confess I do find the three-way pairing a bit titillating and even hinted at it in ‘Thorny Rose 3’, but I do think multi-pairings are a bit hard to swallow. I actually think there’s a lot to be said for pairing Harry and Luna together, but probably only if something happened to Ginny. Harry/Luna shippers are a benign bunch and I’ve never seen a harsh word written by any of them.

Harry/Slytherin Girl (Pansy P/Tracey D/Daphne G)

You know, I don’t think I’ve ever read a story where Harry gets together with Astoria Greengrass, which is odd. Anyway, this pairing actually makes some sense to me (well, maybe not Pansy) as Harry would definitely benefit from some savvy, Slytherin babe taking him by the arm and knocking some sense into him. That said, I doubt that Harry would ever be truly happy with a girl from the wrong side of the tracks. As a rule of thumb, Harry/Slytherin Girl shippers tend to be an amiable group and are generally happy to read other ships. I have had a couple of really vicious reviews from this quarter, however, that have been so anti-Ginny it was laughable. Still, if you’re going to get that worked up about the love life of a fictional character, the chances are your thought processes are a bit wonky, anyway.

Harry/Cho

You’re having a laugh, aren’t you? I’ve never corresponded with a Harry/Cho shipper in my life, and I hope it stays that way.

Harry/Tonks

The most happy-go-lucky of the alternative shippers. They know that the pairing is as about likely as Voldemort becoming a florist, but they just seem happy to have some fun with it. For those very few that do think it’s a viable pairing I would point out that Tonks seems to like OLDER men…

Harry/Harem

A ship mostly written by teenagers with bad acne and a ready supply of tissue paper to hand. Really, guys, grow up.

Harry/minor characters

I’ll lump in a few characters into this one: Susan Bones, the Parvati twins, Lavender Brown, Su Li, the Quidditch girls – basically characters that only appear very briefly in the books. While as a writer it can be interesting to basically create personalities and histories for these minor characters, I would point out that Harry would have had classes with all of them and never once expressed an interest in any of them. I always get the feeling that people who support these ships are just so desperate to avoid the canon pairings that they’ll throw any name into the hat. Trevor the toad, anyone?

Harry/Fleur

A very unlikely pairing that seems to have an extraordinary number of stories devoted to it. This is probably due to Fleur being the only recognisable sex-bomb in the whole story, but, really, how believable is it? Virtually every Harry/Fleur story I’ve ever read has been atrocious, even the ones by authors I generally respect. It’s actually pretty rare that you’ll get anyone to admit this is their favourite pairing, which I think says it all. Gabrielle stories tend to be a bit more believable, as long as they are set a good way in the future. Remember, she’s six years younger than Harry; at least let the poor girl go through puberty!

Harry/Bellatrix

Ugh, pass the sick bucket!

Harry/older woman

Harry with Narcissa, Andromeda, Sinistra, Lily (oh, you perverts!), Molly (Gah, pass the sick bucket again!) or any woman considerably older than him. Generally, my comments for the Harem pairing apply here, too. Okay if your only intent is to read smut, useless for anything else. If you are genuinely into this kind of ship can I suggest that you really need to get yourself a girlfriend?

Harry/slash pairing

Harry’s not gay. Deal with it.

Profile up-date 12/07/14

With the 'Thorny Rose' series now put to bed, I'm working full-tilt on my Slytherin! Harry story, which now goes by the title 'Hail Odysseus'. I think I'm about half way through and seem to be making good progress.

One thing that very much pleased me about the reaction to 'Thorny Rose' was the number of non-Harry/Ginny shippers who told me that they liked the story, despite normally avoiding that pairing. As much as it pains me, I have to admit there are a lot of really bad Harry/Ginny stories out there. I can suggest a few reasons for that:

- A lot of HP Fan Fiction was written prior to the last two or three books coming out. Ginny's personality was only really established from GoF onwards, so stories written prior to that tend to feature a more timid, bashful and, above all, weak Ginny. An awful lot of people don't even like the last few books and tend to ignore them, anyway. Personally, HBP is my favourite, so I tend to concentrate my stories in 'that' kind of environment.
- Because Harry/Ginny is the canon pairing, it seems to attract a lot of female teenage writers. I may be accused of ageism/sexism here, but I think you need a bit of life experience under your belt to be able to write characters convincingly. I've read far too many stories that come over like trashy, angsty teen romances and, frankly, my sick bucket is full to overflowing (I really must empty it out sometime...)
- The films must share some of the blame here. Bonnie Wright was completely wrong for the part (the perils of having to cast characters when they're ten years old!). There was zero on-screen chemistry between Daniel Radcliffe and her (let’s face it, he was drooling over Emma Watson, wasn't he?) and the script writers also cut out all of Ginny's best lines (no Easter eggs in the library scene, her raging at Harry for forgetting she was possessed by Voldemort, her advice enabling him to speak to Sirius, the first kiss in the common room, the Hungarian Horntail tattoo, etc). For people who favour the films over the books, Ginny is a limp and uninteresting character.

- Very few writers seem to pick up on Ginny’s sense of humour. One of the main reasons she and Harry make a good pairing is their shared sense of cutting, sarcastic humour. Check out some of Harry’s comments about Dudley (he looked like a pig in a wig, etc.) Ginny shares that cutting humour, too, and shares a lot of personality traits with the twins. Please, don’t write her as some drippy wallflower, permanently pining after Harry.

Okay, rant over. I’ll just go and have a nice lie down, now…