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Joined 03-04-13, id: 4580225, Profile Updated: 12-21-14
Author has written 5 stories for Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja, Ouran High School Host Club, Vocaloid, Gravity Falls, and Kuroshitsuji.

Hi. o_o

Name: I could tell you, ooorrrr, I could go back to watching Teen Titans.

Gender: How have you not figured it out by now?

Age: I am officially 13. I can now be on here legally, yay!

Favorite Quote: "I guess what has been killed... can not be killed."

Likes: ... horror? :3

Dislikes: Socializing.

Favorite cartoons: Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja, South Park, and- ... actually I think that's it.

Favorite plant: Screw Mother Nature, it barely snows here! What's the point of this?

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run bitch run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college.

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

Why America has some Issues (Yes I live there, but tough. These are clever)

1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

7 Reasons Not to Mess with Children (small children)

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

You're going to play a prank on your best friend and 4 decides to help you. What do you do?

Murder my best friend's cat. Blame it on 4 and bail.

10 asks you to the movies. What's you reaction?

But I have to update for my four followers on Tumblr! Progress.

You're on a date with 3. What is your first thought?

T_T Nope. Don't wanna date till I'm, like, 16. Nope. Don't need a boyfriend. Even though I cry in my room with my sister every night about cute children.

You go to a new school and see 7 is your new teacher. What do you do?

raises hand* Did Mrs. Dent die from diabetes?

1 admits to you that he/she is dating 2. What do you do?

Bleh, I just barfed a little.

You and 8 want to play a trick on 9. What is your plan?

points at chalkboard with a baton* Listen up nerd, you go bring 9 these *hands over a bucket of cobras* and I'll be over here doing this *unfolds lawn chair, puts jacket on, zips up hoodie, then sits on lawn chair in the snow*

9 wants to get you and 8 back. 8 ditches you when 9 comes over. What do you do?


I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.

She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.'

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.'

His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.'

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.'

'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.'

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check Again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'

Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''

'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

'My mommy loves white roses.'

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started.

I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.

And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

I get plenty of exercise: jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

Like Daddy always said: If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit!

I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I'm on my last one.

Everyone has the right to be stupid. Some people just abuse the privilege.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match it for me at kick boxing.

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something

When someone tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.

If you can't beat them, join them. If you can't join them, bribe them. If you can't bribe them, blackmail them.

Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof - then blame a Private.

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.

I don't fight with idiots; they bring me to their level then beat me with experience.

I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

Laughter is the best medicine... or is it the wine?

Are you going to kiss me, or do I have to lie in my diary?

Beans beans are good for your heart! The more you eat the more you fart!

Weird is good. Strange is bad. Odd is what you call someone who you can't decide what to call them. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which means weird is good!

A university professor set an examination question in which he asked what is the difference between ignorance and apathy. The professor had to give an A to a student who answered: I don't know and I don't care.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.

That which doesn't kill you... will probably try again.

Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.

An inanimate object is only as stupid as its user...which would be me

This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert.

Even an idiot can seem wise if he doesn't talk.

Line up in alphabetical order by height, then get into groups of three and make a circle.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

The early bird gets the worm, but what about the early worm? It only gets eaten.

If you die I swear I'll kill you

You can't give up just because things aren't the way you want them to be.

Imagine being knifed in the back. Then you'll truly understand love.

Procrastinators of the world, unite...tomorrow!

Join the dark side. We have cookies.

"That was so bad I think you gave me cancer!"

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."

“I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: ‘Cover for me.’ Number 2: ‘Oh, good idea, Boss!’ Number 3: ‘It was like that when I got here.’”

“Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?"

"Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together."

"The object of war is not to die for your country, it's to make the other bastard die for his."

“This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers”

"Guns don't kill people... but they sure help."

“There’s only two men I trust. One of ‘em’s me, the other one’s not you."

"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?"

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."

"Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free?"

"That's what the Internet is for! Slandering others anonymously."

"Fighting fair is for people that don't know how to avoid losing correctly."

"I don't drink from the fountain of wisdom, I gargle."

"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"

"I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating... and you finish off as an orgasm."

"A fighter with lesser skill can knock out a man in one punch, but a regular person can make a skilled fighter cry like a girl with a single bullet."

"If at first you don't succeed, deny that you were really trying in the first place."

"If you get glitter on you prepare to have it on you forever, because glitter is the herpes of craft supplies."

"Keep your expectations low. If you expect a kick in the balls, but get a slap in the face, then it's a victory."

"I've got half a mind to kill you, and the other half agrees."

"It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose."

"You never want to be in a fair fight if an unfair fight is an option."

"Cheating: The Plan B of winners for over 2000 years."

"The thing you should be thinking about isn't whether or not I can actually kill you with the nail clippers, it should be the fact that whether I can or not is irrelevant. No matter if I can or not, you know full well that I'm going to try, and that more than anything else should scare the hell out of you for more than one reason and answer your question right there."

"We are not retreating -- We are advancing in another direction."

"Bullets... my only weakness. How did you know?"

"Grammar is important. Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse."

"There's a very fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think that I walk that line every day of my life."

"I don't understand a word you're going on about, but I know exactly what you're saying and I refuse to apologize."

"I have a first place ribbon in doing nothing, it's the same color as last place... It's purple."

"There's no 'I' in team." "Oh yeah! Well there's no "you" in "team" either! So I guess if I'm not on the team and you're not on the team, then nobody's on the team. The team sucks!"

"Yep, hand to hand combat is the old school way to kill your enemies. Killing a man with your bare hands says 'We're all equals as men except I'm slightly more equal because I'm still alive and your dead.' I mean let's face it, there just not enough time in this world to show everybody the courtesy of a good strangling."

"Shotgun to the face is a great contingency plan! Wanna see how it cures insubordination?"

"You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your tricks of war."

"Fruit don't talk... Fruit just listens... and waits."

"Okay I'm going to be completely serious with you... There's every chance in the world I was drunk when I said that."

"Sarcasm is a body's natural defense against stupid."

"I've run over black cats that were luckier than me."

"Sometimes I need what only you can provide... your absence."

"I'm so miserable without you it's like you're right there with me."

"I'm not bi-polar, I'm bi-winning. I win here and I win there."

"Dying is for fools... amateurs."

"If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you'd be like, 'Dude! I can't handle it, unplug this bastard!' It fires in a way that's maybe not from this, uh... this terrestrial realm."

"I'm tired of pretending I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars."

"I had a DREAM... where there was rootbear, like two lakes of rootbear, or maybe it was more like fog, and a murderer and the foggiest rootbear was actually good and my grandmother gave us her yard, it's actually kind of blurry... it was a strange week for me."

The Situation in Hell

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."


1) 4 invites 3 and 8 to dinner at their house. What happens?

A threesome... of Xbox till three in the morning.

2) 9 tries to get 5 to go to a yoga class. What happens?

5 hides at home and waits for the witch to disappear.

3) You need to stay at a friend’s house for the night. Do you choose 1 or 6?

Ha! Who says I stay at people's homes? Eating their food...

4) 2 and 7 are making out. 10 walks in...Their reaction?

... uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh *slowly walks out of room*

5) 3 falls in love with 6. 8 is jealous. What happens?

Jesus 8, you don't need love to be happy. Look at me! I never fell in love and I got a crappy life!

6) 4 mugs you in a dark alleyway. Who comes to your rescue? 10, 7 or 2?

No one because I killed 4 with my epicness and he just couldn't handle it.

What really happened...


7) 1 decides to start a cooking show. 15 minutes later what is happening?


9) 3 has to marry either 8, 4 or 9. Who do they chose?

They decide to marry neither and spends the rest of their lives crying while eating ice cream and watching TV, and than dies when they're 34 because of diabetes.

10) 7 kidnaps 2 and demands something from 5 for 2's release. What is it?

Disco chocolat!

11) You get to meet either 2 or 6. Who do you chose?

Wait who? I'm typing my Fanfiction profile right now.

12) 10 challenges 4 to a chariot race. Why?

They were arguing over who got the candy bar.

13) Everyone gangs up on 3. What happens?

Well, an oil spill happened and Chtulu and- let's just say 3 got sucked into the immortality loop.

14) Everyone is invited to 2's and 10's wedding except for 8. How do they react?

Forever alone.

15) Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Don't act like 7 never 8 9.

16) 10 gathers everyone around to tell them a fairy tale. How does it go?

Well, actually, it turned out to be ten crazy facts about the human body because 10 knows 7 is very sensitive and laughs when any part of the body is mentioned cause he's creeped out.

17) 1 arrives late for 2 and 10's wedding. What happens? And why are they late?

He had no idea they even had an interest in each other.

18) 5 and 9 get roaring drunk and end up at your house. What happens?

Wait, what are you guys doing in my house? Why are you drunk?

Drunk 5: You know what 9? We should go. We should just go... and... and we should get on your bike and go. OH MAH GOSH A BLIMP!

19) 3,8,6 and 4 all go to the zoo for 8's birthday party. How does it go? What presents do they get 8?

3 was teasing 6 and almost got him killed by the white tiger, and then all 8 gets is a pacifier, because next to me, he's the baby of the group, and we had to ditch somebody, so why not the youngest?

20) Everyone gets together and starts protesting something outside of your house. What are they protesting? What do you do?

They are protesting over whether Xbox 1 or PS4 is better.

Me: *close blinds and puts in earphones* Solves every problem.

21) 9 murders 2’s best friend. What does 2 do to get back at them?

He steals their leather pants, the source of all their powers.

22) 6 and 1 are in mortal danger. Only one of them can survive. Does 6 save themself or 1?

6 pushes 1 off a cliff, and regrets nothing.

24) 5 is trapped in a cave. 10 comes to rescue them. What happens?

10 ditches them only to get attacked by vampire bats.

25) 3 starts a day camp. What happens?


26) 4, 6, and 7 are doing the Hokey-Pokey. 8 walks in. What happens?

4,6, and 7: ...


27) 1 starts to write a story where 9 and 10 are going out. What is 2's reaction?

2: People are going to soooo butcher them.

28) 7 makes an apple pie. Is it any good?

Do I pay attention in class?

29) 8 and 5 go camping. For some reason they forget to bring any food. What do they do?

Remembers 10's facts about the human body and remembers him saying that if they can just survive on water and sleep, they can last without food for two months.

30) While they are camping, they run into 4. What do they do?

Gang up on him.

If you have ever burst out laughing about something in a book, and people look at you weird, copy and paste this on your profile.

Have you ever tried having a thumb war with yourself?? I have. I found that I'm a very tough opponent. If you have just tried having a thumb war with yourself, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever pulled on a door that said push, or vise versa, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever stayed up past 2 in the morning reading, copy and paste this on your profile. (More like stay up till 3 in the morning every night on my computer/Iphone)

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block blows, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this to your profile.

Random things I say to my peers

Wait, shouldn't I be dead by now?

Where's the chainsaw?


Hey, is it just me or did the writing on fanfiction get tinier?

Look, just because I yelled in your ear while you were sleeping doesn't mean you should get revenge.

Wait, if Germans don't celebrate Halloween, then have I been celebrating Hanukkah instead of Christmas?

... Can we go to Egypt so we can see the dead mummies?

Why does my grammar make me sound like I'm drunk?

Hey Fiona! Fifi! Come here girl! Fiona! FIONA!

I don't wanna die, but I don't mind being shot in the leg.

Nothing interesting ever happens at school! I keep praying for a school shooting, but nothing happens! I think God hates me.

Uh... uh... I wasn't here when you assigned the essay.

I don't watch football. What's the point of seeing sweaty men throw around a ball made out of pig skin?

Yay! Explosions!

Do I have any sanity left? No. Childhood innocence? No. Am I thinking of shooting your brains out? Maybe.

Not all psychopaths kill people, I haven't killed anyone yet!

When life gives you lemons, squirt the juice in people's eyes.

Why do people say when life gives you lemons? Why don't they ever say when life gives you a million dollars and your own butler

My sister said I'm cranky, I said that if she didn't get out of my room it'll be the last thing she sees.

When I laugh, it sounds like I'm crying, that's why I don't smile.

I have never met another person who is like me. That's because everyone who impersonates me dies- um- in a fire. Probably a curse. The universe wants just me.

Who's the last person you talked to and what did you say?

My dad.


Where are you?

My living room, because the wifi doesn't work in my room for some reason.

Look up, now look back. What did you see?

Well... uh... a chandelier?

What's the last thing you ate?


What's your personality like?

Quiet, stubborn, random, and insane.

Who do you have a crush on?

Pfft, who needs love?

What was the last thing you thought?

Kenny staring into the distance, a single tear rolling down from his eye.

You have a million dollars. What do you do

I'd probably give it to my dad since he's retired and I don't buy stuff much.

What are you eating/drinking RIGHT NOW?

Um... stomach acid?

What are you thinking RIGHT NOW?

I'm thinking of whether to post a new chapter today or tomorrow. I'm also thinking of a past ninja saving five year old Randy. WHY DO THESE CUTE IMAGES INVADE MY HEAD?!

What's it like being you?

Well it's certainly interesting.

What are your thoughts on writing?

I write just for fun. I don't care who sees what as long as people enjoy it! Or not. I mean whatever.

How tall are you?

I don't know. I'm tiny for someone who's a year older than my classmates, that's what. WAIT PEDO!

What book are you currently reading?

Does Aisle 10 count?

What music are you listening to?

Karkat's Gristmas Songs.

What was the last website you visited before fan fiction?


What was the last thing you cooked?

A breakfast sandwich. Mmm, eggs, bagels, butter, hams, all in one.

What color are the walls of the room you are in?

White. Why get my walls painted?

Do you know who the governor of your state is?

Obama? Wait, he's president of the COUNTRY, not my state. Can I google it? No?

How many different programs are open on your computer right now?

New tab, Tumblr, Audcity, Microsoft Word, HomeStuck, Fanfiction.

Have you ever been water-skiing?

I've been... snow skiing. Same thing, just frozen water.

What is the weather like?

It's snowing lightly right now. If it snows more it'll be our sixth day in a row without school. Yeah, I got lucky.

Are you going on vacation this summer and where?

Yes, to Croatia. Glorious, glorious Croatia. Bask in it's glory.

Anything else?

Sominiare circa hondiernim enim diem.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 81, and find line 4.

"Seleccione la imagen que quiera usar- whoops that's the Spanish instruction manual."

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?

Empty air.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:

3:33 P.M. Woah wait what?

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

3:33 P.M. O_O

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?


7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

School. Those were the dark days.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at

Trapped, a South Park fanfic.

9.What are you wearing?

PJ's, PJ's and a watch.

10. Did you dream last night?

I can't dream after... the incident.

11. When did you last laugh?

I don't know. Tumblr makes me laugh too much. It must stop.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Doh photos, dog photos, dog photos, oh hey this one is horses!

13. Seen anything weird lately?

Hmm... well the world is forcing me to turn into Kenny, and I keep seeing a black cat. That doesn't seem suspicious at all.

14. What do you think of this quiz

Your lucky I like these kind of things, because I would of been done by now.

15. What is the last film you saw?

Big Hero 6. It just... had so many feels... I'm lying I didn't react to Tadashi's death. But still good movie.

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

I would retire from school and buy art supplies, animation equipment, so many things.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.

What DO you know about me?

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

I would change my remote into a dimension traveling device so I can go into whatever cartoon I want and be a background character. So intense. And it would also change me into whatever I want. I could just be that garbage cat right now...

20. George Bush

Michele Jackson

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?


22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?


23. Would you ever consider living abroad?

What's dat?

24. If you could be the son/daughter of any Greek mythology gods or goddesses, which would you chose?

Eris. Ha ha ha.

Moar quotes! :D

"Though I may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the meanest mother *er in the valley."

“I don’t make typos. I make new words.”

"You cant believe everything you read on the internet, that's how world war 1 started."

“Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.”

"The last time something dropped this hard it ended WW2"

"Words are bulletproof."

"I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I'm pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you * with me, I'll kill you all."

“The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”

"Oh hey, nature. I've heard about this. Thought it was just a rumor."

"May God have mercy upon my enemies, because I won't."

"Next person who says shenanigans is getting pistol whipped."

"We have a life.. it is next to the master sword hidden beside the pile of hellsing and opposite the Sephiroth poster. In fact we have more than one."

"Remember when the platform was sliding in to the fire pit and i said 'goodbye' and you were like*really low voice* 'no way' and then i was all 'we pretended we were going to kill you'...that was great."

"I know this hurts but i can't press the button fast enough."

"A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.”

"An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind."

" Are you inbreed or just naturally dumb?"

"If at first you don't succeed, you fail."

"Some times i wish i was a pony"

"Nerd? We prefer Intellectual Badass"

"Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality."

"I stand before you as a sinner, head up.. Hood down"

"If someone asks you how old you are, say: in dog years, I'm dead."

"your life has been a mathematical. A mathematical error i'm about to correct."

"I'm mad.Your mad. We all get a little mad."

"If there's one thing people want to see, is see a hero fail."

"never try, never fail."

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend"


"hear that? that's the sound of me not caring."

"when i was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. they rented out my room"

"last night i lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, were the heck is the ceiling"

"you tried your best and failed miserable. The lesson is 'never try'"

"Yvan Eht Nioj."

"We shall feast on pixie sticks."


"When i grow up i want to be a firetruck."

"YEAH! Then we can go see Santa!"

"Shut up. I'm trying to eat my albino slushy!"

"The difference between whores and courtesans is...well, they have nicer shoes."

"this trailer gets me so excited it makes me wanna punch a koala in the face"

" Video Games ruined my life. Good thing I have two more."

"Congratulations... You were frozen, burned, fried, slammed, thrown about like a ragdoll, lazered, blasted, smoked, vaporized, and overall got your ass handed over to you to the point where it's pointless to try again. Try again? FUCK YES!!!"


"Did we have a plan? Do we have a purpose on this earth? What are we here for?"

"I bet the people watching this video right now are like- WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!"


Once upon a time Kenny died. It was funny. The end.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

RC9GN: The Kunoichi by AvengerPinkKunoichi reviews
Jennifer Jackson is new in Norrisville. She is the Ninja's greatest fan. After her vacations ended, she is transferred to Norrisville High, where she meets Randy Cunningham. She was chosen to become the very first Kunoichi in more than 800 years, but she holds a secret that only the Norrisville Ninja should know. Randy/OC
Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Drama - Chapters: 44 - Words: 65,535 - Reviews: 292 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 69 - Updated: 5/28/2015 - Published: 9/10/2013 - [Randy C., OC] Howard W. - Complete
Persistence of Memory by Misbegotten Misfit reviews
Randy's life if becoming too hectic and he can no longer handle both his daily normal life and being the ninja. Making a decision, he erases his memories and takes up being the ninja full time, without the distraction of normal life. The Nomicon and Howard have to remind him of who he is and convince him to go back to his life.
Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,369 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 73 - Updated: 3/20/2015 - Published: 10/14/2013 - Randy C., Howard W., Nomicon
Every Ninja Needs a Sidekick by PFTones3482 reviews
Second RC:9GN story. When Howard gets kidnapped yet again by McFist, it's up to Randy and Heidi to save him. What will be revealed? What won't? Will they get Howard back? Will you review? You better! Rated for later chapters.
Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Family - Chapters: 17 - Words: 31,222 - Reviews: 137 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 7/30/2014 - Published: 5/9/2013 - Randy C., Howard W., Hiedi W. - Complete
Time of Trying by anime-tionship reviews
Randy Cunningham, 9th grader, is your normal freshman...except maybe for the fact that he is the Norrisville Ninja. He's always had to give things an effort, that's just how life goes. As new things happen to him though, as Randy and the Ninja, it might be the time to try his best. Even if he knows it won't be enough. (RandyxHeidi, language, blood, and movie/book spoofs)
Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 31 - Words: 113,178 - Reviews: 331 - Favs: 170 - Follows: 155 - Updated: 6/6/2014 - Published: 7/1/2013 - [Randy C., Hiedi W.] Howard W., Nomicon
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

And Then There Was No Light reviews
Randy held back a scream. "No... no... no... no no no nonononono-" "Yes."
Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 242 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/8/2015 - Howard W., Randy C.
Food Opera reviews
When Mabel suggests a name for Bill and Dipper, how will Bill react? One shot.
Gravity Falls - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 245 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 12 - Published: 9/14/2014 - Mabel P., Dipper P., Bill - Complete
Playdate reviews
Ryuto, Yuki Kaai, and Oliver can't decide on what to play. What happens when everything goes haywire?
Vocaloid - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 435 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/17/2014 - Yuki K., Ryūto/Gachapoid, Oliver
Welcome to the Host Club! reviews
So what now? Baldroy somehow teleports Ciel to Ouran High and Ciel is stuck trying to get himself out of this mess without his trusty butler. How will this turn out? One-shot.
Crossover - Ouran High School Host Club & Kuroshitsuji - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 543 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 5 - Published: 2/5/2014
Secret Admirer reviews
Randy one day get's a letter from a "Secret Admirer." Just who is this person? Will Randy find out? (summary sucks I know)
Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 854 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 14 - Published: 1/20/2014 - Randy C., Howard W., Debbie K., Nomicon