Victoire Collins
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Poll: What should happen to Peeta at the end of the 74th Hunger Games? Vote Now!
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Joined 03-14-13, id: 4598578, Profile Updated: 02-03-14
Author has written 1 story for Hunger Games.

Welcome and thanks to everyone reading this!

My name is Taylor Victoire, I won't tell you my age or where I live, but I can tell you that I'm a great fan of the Hunger Games, Resident Evil, Harry Potter, Sherlock Holmes and almost every book that I have read.

I have an older sister who is very similar to me since she has the same dark brown hair and blue eyes as me. Her name is Lilian Gabrielle. She loves music and sadly she is a twilight fan, so we pass our time with nonsense fights and arguments about books, movies, series, fanfics, songs, characters and everything that happens in our life. We love throwing pillows and fighting with each other. She is a year older than me and she plays the clarinet.

I am a gymnast and I play the piano and the violin. I talk English and Spanish along with a little bit of German and French.

I love Muse, Coldplay, Green Day, Three Days Grace and Paramore. My favorite songs are Panic Station, Survival and Supremacy by Muse, Viva la Vida, Yellow and Clocks by Coldplay, 21th Century Breakdown, Holiday and Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day, Get Out Alive, Happiness and One-X by Three Days Grace, and That's What You Get and Decode by Paramore. I like classical music too, like Vivaldi's Four Seasons and Fur Elise by Beethoven.

My favorite books apart from The Hunger Games are The Book Thief by Markus Zusack , Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and The Shadow Man by John Katzenbach.

My favorite movies apart from the Hunger Games are Resident Evil: Retribution, The boy in the striped pajamas, Ballet Shoes, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, Titanic, Pride and Prejudice, Silver Linings Playbook, X-men: First Class, Slumdog Millionaire, Les Miserables, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, Stick it, and August Rush.

My favorite color is blue and my favorite subject is History. I love acting and I hope to be a famous actress, a famous musician or to be an Olympic athlete.

I'm usually busy with school, training, piano and violin so updates can be unpredictable.

Now, time for some random things!

Who was the last person you talked to and what did you say?: My sister: " Don't you dare throw that pillow at me". We were discussing about who was best if Edward Cullen or Peeta Mellark and she used my casted arm against me.

Where are you?: Somewhere in the world.

What was the last thing you ate?: Cereal...without milk. (insert evil laugh here)

What was the last thing you thought?: Is there some ice cream in the freezer.

You now have a million dollars. What do you do?: Buy an stradivarius,buy a Porsche 911 and buy my way into the mockingjay movie.

Reach out and grab the closest thing to you. What is it?: My laptop screen.

What are you eating/drinking right now?: Lemonade.

What are you writing RIGHT NOW?: I'm writing this, obviously.

Grab the nearest book to you, turn to page 19, and find the second paragraph. What is it?: Perhaps it is the newness of the house or the shock of seeing him or the mutual understanding that he could have me killed in a second that makes me feel like the intruder. As if this is his home and I'm the uninvited party. So I don't welcome him or offer him a chair. I don't say anything. In fact, I treat him as if he's a real snake, the venomous kind. I stand motionless, my eyes locked on him, considering plans of retreat. -Catching Fire, one of the most awesome books ever.

What's it like being you?: Pretty fun sometimes, complicated, exhausted and right now frustrating.

What are your thoughts on writing?: Writing is really fun, and I think I wouldn't be able to stand it if I couldn't write.

How tall are you?: 5'4.

What book are you currently reading?: Um... Divergent, Veronica Roth.

Well, what do you like reading?: Almost every book.

What are you listening to?: Radioactive Imagine Dragons.

What was the last website you visited before FanFiction?: YouTube

What was the last thing you cooked?: A cake and it was a miracle that I didn't set fire to my house.

What color are the walls of the room you're in?: white with blue, black and silver decorations everywhere.

Do you know who the governor of your state is?: Why would I want to?

Ketchup or Mustard?: Mustard. No contest.

How many different programs are on you computer right now?: ummm..

What is the weather like?: Cold, windy and rainy.

Are you going on vacation this summer, and where?: Stalkers, all of you.

Anything else?: I trying to decide if I play a prank on my sister or not.

What's your favorite article of clothing?: Jeans, I guess.

Who is the most special person to you?: My sister.

What is your favorite childhood memory?: The first time I played violin in a theater.

Scariest moment of your life?: Scuba diving. I have a serious problem with it.

One word that would best describe you?: Artist.

What is your favorite month in the summer?: June. Summer vacations!

What is your favorite number?: 2, don't ask why, because I don't know.

What does your name mean?: Victory.

What does your user name mean?: It's my name.

What is your favorite Disney movie?: I don't know. Mulan maybe.

What made you smile today?: My cat chasing a light. Poor cat!

Last thing you said out loud?: "Moon, stop biting my hair. ( Moon is the name of my cat and today in the morning it went to my room and jumped in my bed and started liking my face and then making choking sounds like if it was eating my hair and choking on it.)

Last rainbow you saw?: I really don't know.

Do you want a haircut?: Not really...

Are you musically inclined?: Are you kidding me? I love music!

Have you ever been in a fight?: Yeah, with my sister. And my cousin Fred. Oh... and my best friend Louisa.

Anything interesting happen to you in your life?: None of your business.

What is your favorite outfit?: Stalker, again. Trying to identify me by my outfits?

If you could choose the dumbest thing you ever said, what would it be?: Once I was practicing violin and I couldn't reach a tone, and when I finaly reached it I said "Take that you Sparkling dimwit Edward Cullen, I kicked your ass at music. " Then my sister entered the room and said "Well, you better kick Vivaldi's ass by tomorrow or you'll become a sparkling dimwit too."

A big secret you'd like to share with the world?: No secrets! It reminds me of Finnick Odair.

Here is my Hunger Games song shuffle

1. What would Annie say about Finnick?

Highway to hell. (AC/DC) I don't think so...

2. What's the first thing Beetee says in the morning?

Radiactive (Imagine Dragons) Could be...

3. Rue's mentor is...

Extraordinary girl (Green Day) Ummm...

4. What's written in Prim's diary?

Just give me a reason ( Pink)

5. How would Haymitch describe Katniss and Peeta?

Smells like teen spirit ( Nirvana)

6. What would Clove say about Glimmer?

Teenagers (My chemical romance) Ehh...

7. What does Johanna think about all the time?

Trouble (Pink)

8. What's on Flavius' dining room table?

The scientist (Coldplay) Eww...

9. What did Mrs. Everdeen do this morning?

Kiss it goodbye (Nickleback)

10. What did Peeta dream about last night?

Starlight (Muse) Ummm...

11. When Venia opens her closet she sees...

Uprising (Muse)

12. What did Octavia say after work one day?

Seven Nations Army ( The white stripes)

13. If Cato were to write a Twilight fanfic, what's the title?

We are never ever getting back together (Taylor swift)

14. If Gale wrote a Harry Potter fanfic, what's the title?

How you remind me (Nickleback)

15. If Plutarch wrote a Hunger Games fanfic, what's the title?

The ruler and the killer ( Kid Cudi)

16. A song Gale would sing at a talent show is...

Still into you ( Paramore)

17. Foxface's life theme song is...

My hear will go on ( Celine Dion)

18. Prim would describe her life by singing...

What the hell (Avril Lavinge) Can't picture her saying that!

19. If Effie was going to die what are her last words?

Applause (Lady Gaga)

20. Rue's motto is...

Wake me up when september ends (Green Day)

21. If Thresh could buy anything in Panem it would be...

(Boulevard of broken dreams (Green Day)

22. If someone says "Is this okay?" Marvel says...

Let yourself go (Green Day)

23. How does Pres. Paylor describe herself?

Nuclear star collision (Muse) ehh

24. What does Katniss look for in a guy?

Stronger (Kelly Clarkson)

25. How does Peeta feel today?

I love rock and roll (Joan Jett) No comment

26. What does Glimmer think about a lot?

Abraham's Daughter (Arcade Fire) No comment again.

27. What does Peeta think about Katniss?

Time is running out (Muse)

28. What's Johanna's life story?

Smile (Avril Lavinge)

29. What does Delly want to be/do when she gets older?

Fat bottomed girls (Queen) Uhhh...

30. What does Foxface (Finch) think of Thresh?

Burn it down (Linkin park)

31. What song will Beetee dance to at his wedding?

St. Jimmy (Green day) Can't picture that...Eww!

32. What do Effie and Haymitch think of each other?

Loss of control (Green Day) Don't know what to say...

33. What song will play at Clove's funeral?

Welcome to the jungle ( Guns and Roses)

34. What do the Mellarks think of Katniss?

The sound of silence (Simon and garfunkle)

35. What do Cato and Clove think of each other?

He's to never growing up (Avril Lavinge)

36. What do Glimmer and Marvel think of each other?

Girlfriend (Avril Lavinge) Ohhh...

37. What's Gale's biggest secret?

Cherry bomb (Joan jett)

38. What's Cato's biggest secret?

Just dance (Lady Gaga)

95% of girls would scream if Justin Bieber went missing: Paste this on your profile if you're one of the 5% who would smile and poke your new prisoner with a stick.

95% of girls would scream and cry if Justin Bieber was about to jump off the top of the Empire State Building. Paste this on your profile if your one of the 5% who would grab a chair, get some soda and popcorn and yell, "JUMP!" at the top of your lungs.

97% of teens would cry if they saw Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen from twilight) standing on top of a sky scraper, about to jump. If youre one of the 3% that would sit there eating popcorn screaming 'DO A FLIP YOU SPARKLY DIMWIT!' then copy and paste this to your profile.

You know you live in the 21st century when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a myspace or facebook.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) You were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you're laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this on your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't.
this is this cat
this is is cat
this is how cat
this is to cat
this is keep cat
this is a cat
this is idiot cat
this is busy cat
this is for cat
this is forty cat
this is seconds cat

  • Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on.
  • Favorite characters from the Hunger Games.





















    1. What if 5 dated 12? How would you react?

    Peeta/ Haymitch. I would be a little creeped out. Or a lot.

    2. Do you want 7 to date 4?

    What the hell

    3. If 3 was to go into the Hunger Games do you think they'd make it?

    She was and she didn't but that'd be cool if she lived

    4. Do you think 6 should stay in his/her district?

    No, he could be my neighboor.

    5. Should 2 and 10 get married?

    Clove/Cato. Why not?

    6. What's a plot for a 9/1/14?

    I have no idea... something to do with the Games and the rebellion in the Capitol

    7. What's a title for an 11/20/19 fic?

    No idea.

    8. Suggest a genre for an 18/13 story


    9. What would be a good rating for a romance fanfic on 17/15?

    Most likely T though that's not my first couple choice.

    10. What would happen to 16 if the trilogy was continued (and if they died, they were kept alive)

    He'd continue working in D11 then he would eventually meet Foxface and they'll start dating.

    Weird Things People Always Do! (Bold Those You've Done)

    1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out

    2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails

    3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it

    4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking

    5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking

    6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head

    7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself

    8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand

    9. Tried to push open a door that said pull

    10. Tried to pull open a door that said push

    11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion

    12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else

    13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs

    14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave

    15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair

    16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble

    17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it

    18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard

    19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name

    20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or football or Basketball with flip flops on or you were barefoot

    21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on

    22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle

    23. Have run into a closed door

    24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else

    25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it

    26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke

    27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer

    28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan

    29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk

    30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock

    31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it

    32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside

    33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else

    34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property

    35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot

    36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on

    37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in

    38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard

    39. Walked into a pole

    40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident

    41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house

    42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on

    43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small

    44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it

    45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do

    46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it

    47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up

    48. Have poked yourself in the eye

    49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on

    50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair,

    51. Have done enough weird things to make a test

    52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil

    53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it

    54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was. "

    55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were

    56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on

    57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.

    58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it

    60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie

    61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa

    62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it

    63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence

    64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person

    65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side.

    66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions

    67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong

    68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it.

    69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out

    70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught

    71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face

    72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb

    73. Ran into a door jam

    74. Told someone that you hardly ever do weird things, then immediately did/said something weird

    75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it

    76. Have purposely licked playground sand

    77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band

    78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't

    79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people

    80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out

    81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off

    82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again

    83. Sat and wondered why men's dress shirts have a loop on the back

    84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about

    85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair

    86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone.

    87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird

    88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at someone/something

    89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria

    90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it

    91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil

    92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them

    93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper

    94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours

    95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story

    96. When you saw a 'beware of dog' sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs

    97. You have spelled your own name wrong before

    98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.

    99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class

    100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth

    Favorite Characters from Harry Potter

    1)Hermione Granger

    2)Fred Weasley

    3)George Weasley

    4)Harry Potter

    5)Neville Longbottom

    6)Ron Weasley


    8)Luna Lovegood

    9)Minerva McGonagall

    10)Lily Potter

    11)Draco Malfoy

    12)Lord Voldemort

    1.How would you react if 3 was dating 8?

    That would be kind wierd

    2.What would you do if you found 4,9, and 7 at midnight, singing the most annoying song you know, at the top of their lungs in front of your window?

    First, I will be freaked out because of their voices and then I'll start throwing pillows at them.

    3. What's the best genre for a 8/6 story?

    Frienship, nothing else.

    4. What would you do if 5 was about to jump from a building?

    I would be screaming NOOOO!

    5. What would happen to 7 if the trilogy was continued? (if they died they were kept alive)

    He would start designing clothes for Harry Potter and his friends.

    6. Should 3 and 5 get married?

    George/Neville? I don't think so.

    7.What would you think if 8 was your sister's best friend?

    Are you kidding me? That's awesome.

    8. What woud happen if 12 wanted to rule the world?

    Avada Kedabra

    9. What if 6 and 11 were havig a baby?

    Draco and Ron? I don't think that's possible.

    10. Who would you prefer to kill: 2, 3, 9?

    That's hard, I think 2, anyway he dies in the books.


    1. Get 24 boxes of stuff and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

    2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

    4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
    " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

    5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

    6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

    8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
    "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

    9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

    10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

    11. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

    2. Run through the isles shouting; "ITS GONNA BLOW! EVERYBODY GET OUT"

    13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
    whisper, "Pick me! Pick me!"

    14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream:
    "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

    15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

    16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose YOU!"

    Repost this if you laughed, or if you plan on doing any of those things!

    If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile

    Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.

    Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile.

    Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

    If Fanfiction is your way of escaping reality and the rest of the boring people in the world and truly "unleashing your imagination" then paste this in your profile

    If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similiar, copy this into your profile.

    If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

    If you realize that copying and pasting things in your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile

    If there are times when you just want to annoy someone for the heck of it, copy this to your profile.

    If you'r a person who acts friendly, but has an evil mind and is planning to dominate the world, copy this to your profile.

    If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile.

    If you ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy and paste this in your profile.

    If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

    If you've ever talked to yourself, copy this to your profile.

    If you've ever had an argument with yourself, copy this to your profile.

    If you've ever lost a bet to yourself, copy this to your profile.

    Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?"

    If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile.

    Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

    If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

    If you ever walked into the wrong classroom, copy and paste this into your profile.

    Copy and Paste this into your profile if you've ever wondered if these things have a word limit... or are determined to find out by sticking as much junk in as possible!

    10 Random And Completely Useless Things That You Probably Didn't Know Until Today:

    You can kill plants with heavy metal music.

    Nail polish remover never expires.

    Donald Duck cartoons were once banned in Finland because he doesn't wear any pants. (dunno if they still are)

    Rick Riordan has never seen the Lightning Thief movie, nor does he have any plans to.

    That little plastic thingy at the end of a shoelace is called an aglet.

    July 27 is Take Your Pants For A Walk Day. (Don't know what the heck hat means)

    In Japan, they use more paper making comics and manga than to make toilet paper.

    Liquid Tide detergent glows under black light.

    Bees eat each other when stressed. ( sometimes I wish I could do that with certain people at my school)

    Mickey Mouse was originally supposed to be named Mortimer Mouse, but Disney's wife found it creepy. (I do, too.)

    Some of my favorite quotes!

    "You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." –– Winston Churchill

    "Fish and visitors stink after three days." –– Benjamin Franklin

    "Adventure is worthwhile in itself." –– Amelia Earhart

    "Stop saying I wish and start saying I will, chase your dreams and never let anyone bring you down" -Isabelle Fuhrman

    'I'm dead anyway, always was, right?' - Cato, The Hunger Games

    'This is no place for a girl on fire'- Katniss, The Hunger Games

    "I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter." –– Jim Carrey

    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." –– Mark Twain

    "And what if I wave my wand and nothing happens?"
    "Throw it away and punch him on the nose," Ron suggested. - Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.

    'Don't play,' said Hermione at once.
    'Say you're ill,' said Ron.
    'Pretend to break your leg,' Hermione suggested.
    ' Really break your leg,' said Ron. - Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

    "There is no good and evil, there is only power, and those too weak to seek it …" -Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.

    "Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself." - Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.

    "Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back." - Ron Weasley

    "I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me" - Harry Potter

    "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good"-George Weasley

    "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals"-Sirius Black

    "Ron, just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have"- Her mione Granger

    "[To Harry, about the Thestrals] I've been able to see them ever since my first day here. Don't worry, you're just as sane as I am." - Luna Lovegood

    "Talking about Voldemort} Fact remains, he can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo if he wants to" - Fred Weasley

    Mrs. Weasley: I don't believe it! I don't believe it! Oh, Ron, how wonderful! A prefect! That's everyone in the family!

    George Weasley: What are Fred and I, next-door neighbours?

    "Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies" - Lord Voldemort

    Ron Weasley: Well, you can't break an Unbreakable Vow.
    Harry Potter: I figured that much out for myself, funnily enough

    Ron Weasley: Only time I've ever seen Dad as angry as Mum. Fred reckons his left buttock has never been the same since.
    Harry Potter: Yeah, well, passing over Fred's left buttock—
    Fred Weasley: I beg your pardon?

    Ginny Weasley: Three dementor attacks in a week, and all Romilda Vane does is ask me if it's true you've got a hippogriff tatooed across your chest.
    Harry Potter: What did you tell her?
    Ginny Weasley: I told her it's a Hungarian Horntail. Much more macho.
    Harry Potter: Thanks, and what did you tell her Ron's got?
    Ginny Weasley: A Pygmy Puff, but I didn't say where.

    "Yeah, thirteen of us against one bloke who's not allowed to use magic; we've got no chance." - Fred Weasley

    "Don't let it worry you…It's me. I'm extremely famous" - Ron Weasley

    "Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness." –– Mark Twain

    "I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do." –– Helen Keller

    "There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his." –– Helen Keller

    "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." –– Mark Twain

    "Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." –– Helen Keller

    "If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write something worth reading or do something worth writing." –– Benjamin Franklin

    "Good fiction's job is to comfort the disturbed and disturb the uncomfortable." –– David Foster Wallace

    "Speak softly and carry a big stick." –– Theodore Roosevelt

    "Being crazy isn't enough." –– Dr. Seuss

    James T. Kirk: The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
    Spock: An arabic proverb attributed to a prince who was betrayed and decapitated by his own subjects.
    James T. Kirk: Well, it's still a hell of a quote.
    –– from Star Trek: Into Darkness

    "With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later." –– Nico di Angelo in the Last Olympian by Rick Riordan

    Nico strode forward. The enemy army fell back before him like he radiated death, which of course he did. Through the face guard of his skull-shaped helmet, he smiled. "Got your message. Is it too late to join the party?"
    "Son of Hades." Kronos spit on the ground. "Do you love death so much you wish to experience it?"
    "Your death," Nico said, "would be great for me."
    "I'm immortal, you fool! I have escaped Tartarus. You have no business here, and no chance to live."
    Nico drew his sword –– three feet of wicked sharp Stygian iron, black as a nightmare. "I don't agree."
    –– Nico di Angelo and Kronos in the Last Olympian by (guess who?) Rick Riordan

    "Braccas meas vascimini!" (Eat my pants!) –– Percy Jackson in the Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan

    "He who moves first always wins." –– L in Death Note by Tsugumi Ohba

    "I just can't sit any other way than this. If I sit the way other people do, my reasoning ability drops by 40%." –– also L

    "Will you be eating that cake? ... say what you want, but I will be taking the cake." –– L

    "There are... many types of monsters in this world: monsters who will not show themselves and who cause trouble, monsters who abduct children, monsters who devour dreams, monsters who suck blood, and... monsters who always tell lies. Lying monsters are a real nuisance. They are much more cunning than other monsters. They pose as humans even though they have no understanding of the human heart. They eat even though they've never experienced hunger. They study even though they have no interest in academics. They seek friendship even though they do not know how to love. If I were to encounter such a monster, I would likely be eaten by it. Because in truth, I am that monster." –– L too.

    Oh, poor little girl, your life sucks. Now get over it and start runing! - My gymnastics trainer.

    Random Sayings In No Particular Order:

    Smile... even though it freaks other people out.

    There's a fine line between sanity and insanity. I believe I crossed it several hundred miles back.

    When there's an awkward silence... "FOR NARNIA!"

    I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute.

    I'll try being nicer when you try being smarter.

    Keep smiling –– it makes everyone wonder what you're up to.

    Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

    Normal people scare me... but not as much as I scare them.

    I stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now.

    It is better to keep your mouth shut and make people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

    I wasn't calling you names. I was stating the obvious.

    I'm sick of all this talk about vampires and werewolves. What we really need is a good book about unicorns.

    I'm not cynical. Everything just sucks.

    Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

    That which doesn't kill you... will probably try again.

    The difference between brilliance and stupidity is that brilliance has its limits.

    I respect your opinion. I just think it's stupid.

    You have the right to remain silent, so please just shut up.

    I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.

    I didn't slap you! I just gave you a high five in the face.

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones that need the advice.

    If you hate someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then you're a mile away from them AND you have their shoes!

    Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that.

    There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE is when it's weird.

    Parents spend the first years of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, and the rest to sit down and shut up.

    Whoever says nothing is impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.

    Whoever says that words never hurt has obviously never gotten hit by a dictionary.

    Whoever says "as easy as taking candy from a baby" has obviously never tried.

    Forget love. I'd rather fall in chocolate!

    US quality: made in China.

    Other people want to be werewolves and vampires. I want to be a unicorn.

    Let's eat, Gramma!
    Let's eat Gramma!

    Do not annoy the writer.
    She may put you in a book and kill you.

    Cleaning my room:
    1% cleaning
    30% complaining
    69% playing with stuff I just found

    1% learning
    30% sleeping
    69% drawing manga characters in the margins of your notebook

    My boyfriend said that it's either him or the horse. I'll go get my saddle.

    The evening news is where they tell you "Good evening", and then proceed to list countless reasons why it's not.

    Amateurs built the ark.
    Professionals built the Titanic...

    We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do.

    We live in an age where there are handicap parking spots in front of ice-skating rinks.

    We live in an age where the banks leave the front doors open and chain the pens to the counter.

    We live in an age where there is Braille lettering on the drive-up ATMs.

    Strangers stab you in the front.
    Friends stab you in the back.
    Boyfriends stab you in the heart.
    Best friends poke you with straws.

    God made men first. Then He had a better idea!

    Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.

    I ran with scissors. And lived.

    I am nobody. Nobody's perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.

    I did what they said and took the road less traveled –– now where the heck am I?

    An apple a day keeps the doctor away –– if well aimed.

    Do stupid things faster with more energy!

    You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

    What happens when you're scared half to death twice?

    My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it's gone.

    Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

    Did you know sarcasm is your body's natural defense against stupidity?

    Don't follow me. I'm lost too.

    The world is full of crazy people. They made me their leader.

    Don't mess with me. I've got a stick.

    Smile, because I have no idea what is going on!

    Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are vegetables?

    One way to figure out how things work –– push all the buttons!

    What is this normal you speak of? Is it contagious? Stay away! I might catch your normal!

    Without those blonde moments, life would be so dull.

    When women are depressed, they eat chocolate or go shopping. When men are depressed, they invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

    Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

    Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional...

    Without ME, it's just AWESO.

    If two wrongs don't make a right, try three!

    If you can't fix it with duct tape, you haven't used enough.

    I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on eBay!

    There is no "I" in "team" but if you switch around a couple letters, there is definitely a "ME"...

    There are three kinds of people in the world: ones that can count, and ones that can't.

    I can only please one person a day. Today's not your day, and tomorrow's not looking good either...

    The person who smiles when things go wrong is thinking of a list of people to blame it on.

    I am NOT saying you're stupid. I am merely implying it.

    There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Usually, it belongs to an incoming express train.

    Just when I thought that you said the stupidest thing ever, you kept talking.

    Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

    An idiot is a window washer who steps back to admire the wonderful cleaning job he did on the 44th floor.

    Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

    In order to lose your mind, you must have one in the first place.

    All people have the right to stupidity; some just abuse that privilege.

    Why be difficult when, with just a little effort, you can be impossible?

    I have two rules:
    One, that I am never wrong;
    And two, if I am wrong, back to the first rule.

    When giving lethal injections, the doctors first sterilize the needles. I have one question that I would love to ask –– "WHY?"

    He who claps last is not paying attention.

    Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

    If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out.

    I'm not random. You just can't think as fast as me.

    Give me candy –– OR ELSE.
    Notice how "or else" is bolded, capitalized, and italicized.
    Do you really want to mess with me?

    The question is not whether or not you have the right to remain silent. The question is whether or not you have the capacity.

    You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

    Some see the glass as half full, some see it as half empty. Me? I just want to know who the heck is drinking my soda.

    The greener grass on the other side is probably artificial turf.

    Practice makes perfect, but since nobody's perfect, why practice?

    Education is important. School, however, is another matter.

    It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile, and absolutely none at all to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

    Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

    Advice is not my forte. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

    I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.

    Secret admirers are stalkers with stationery.

    It's not stealing. It's borrowing with no intention of giving back.

    Procrastinators: the leaders of tomorrow.

    Tu madre. You just got burned in Spanish.

    Chocolate is the answer no matter what the question is.

    It's okay, Pluto. I'm not a planet either.

    At this moment, you're the oldest you've ever been. Deep, huh?

    If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters.

    Worst time to have a heart attack: during a game of charades.

    Whoever said that nothing is impossible has obviously never tried nailing Jell-O to a tree.

    Whoever said that nothing is impossible has obviously never tried lining up a group of people alphabetically according to height.

    Come to the Dark Side. We have COOKIES!
    Welcome to the Dark Side. Are you surprised that we lied about the cookies?
    Come to the Light Side. We have ICE CREAM!
    Welcome to the Light side. Heh, sorry, we're out of ice cream.

    Don't attempt a staring contest with a brick wall. They cheat a lot.

    When someone annoys you, remember that it takes 47 muscles to frown but just 4 muscles to stretch out your arm and punch the crap out of them.

    Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

    Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.

    If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

    9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

    What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

    I've got a problem for your solution.

    Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?

    Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead.

    I didn't fight my way to the top of a food chain to be a vegetarian.

    Microsoft bought Skype for 8.5 billion! What a bunch of idiots. I downloaded it for free.

    War does not determine who is right... only who is left.

    Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

    Diamonds are a girl's best friend because they're sharper than knives.

    Relax. Nothing is okay.

    Just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.

    Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics.

    You have the right to remain silent. I have the right to ignore whatever you say. Either way, it works in my favor.

    We're not retreating, we're just advancing in a different direction.

    I was going to take over the world, but then I saw a shiny thing.

    The Tooth Fairy teaches kids that it's okay to sell body parts.

    Be insane, because well behaved girls never made history.

    A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is GOING somewhere.

    You're a special kind of stupid, aren't you?

    The doctor says that we have multiple personalities.

    I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and stare at it for hours.

    The early bird gets the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.

    They never suspect the short one.

    Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over.

    Stereotyping? How do you type with a stereo?

    People who don't know me think I'm quiet. People who do wish I was.

    Hey stupid! Your sock is untied!

    Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

    I'm not as random as you think I salad.

    On a scale of 1 to crazy I'm a penguin.

    I see no good reason to act my age.

    Hey you! Yeah you! No, not you, the other guy! You right there! Do you like tacos?

    I tried being normal, but I didn't like it.

    Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes.

    Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is.

    Flying is not inherently dangerous –– crashing is.

    I have not lost my mind; it is backed up on a disk somewhere.

    Forecast for tonight: darkness.

    Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

    If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

    There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

    If you had a life you would stop talking about mine.

    Wanna know how to keep an idiot busy? Take him into a round room and tell him to sit in a corner.

    In a world of Cheerios, be a Froot Loop!

    Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later.

    You, you, and you –– panic. The rest of you follow me.

    If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense.

    I have a dream and in it, something eats you.

    Everyone is beautiful on the inside. If you think bones and guts are beautiful.

    Looking for a perfect girl? Go buy yourself a Barbie doll.

    If aliens are looking for intelligent life, don't be scared. You have no reason to be.

    If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport.

    Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world, but shhhh... it's a secret!

    Quick, what's the number for 9-1-1?

    I ran into my ex today. Then I put it in reverse and hit him again.

    Hi! I'm human. What're you?

    Patience is what parents have when they also have witnesses.

    We are the people our parents warned us about!

    I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a... aw, who am I kidding?

    I'm smiling because I'm your sister. I'm laughing because there's nothing you can do about it!

    A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

    Earth is full. Go home.

    I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.

    An overly positive attitude may not be enough to solve a problem, but it sure ticks people off enough for it to be worth it!

    I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

    Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody's looking.

    The cops never find it as funny as you do.

    Reality is for people who lack imagination.

    Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

    People say I've lost my sanity, but I can't lose what I never had.

    The voices in my head may not be real, but they still have pretty good ideas...

    You're just jealous 'cause the voices talk to me not you.

    Nine out of the ten voices in my head agree that I'm insane. The tenth is off chasing cars.

    The voices in my head don’t like you.

    I used to have a life. That was before I learned how to write.

    Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

    Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot your revenge.

    WARNING: Jumping into toxic waste does not give you super powers.

    Bad spellers of the world UNTIE!

    When nothing goes right... go left.

    It's a beautiful day, now watch some idiot screw it up.

    OOOH.. DRAMA! Let's get popcorn!

    Do it today! It might be illegal tomorrow!

    You! Off my planet!

    The first sign of madness is talking to yourself. The second is when the voices in your head answer back.

    Allow me to introduce my selves.

    There's nothing that can't be fixed with duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over.

    Not all men are annoying... some are dead.

    If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable.

    Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

    Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now.

    It's you and me versus the world... we attack at dawn.

    A day without sunshine is like... night.

    I only know how to do things three ways: the right way, the wrong way, and my way... which is the wrong way only faster.

    I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight.

    Real friends don't let you do stupid things –– alone.

    The butterflies are plotting SOMETHING...

    Best friends know how stupid you are and still choose to be with you in public.

    Don't try to out-weird me –– I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.

    You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

    You say "crazy" like it's a bad thing.

    When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

    Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

    If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

    Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!

    Stressed is desserts backwards.

    Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

    I am free of all prejudices... I hate all people equally!

    I am in shape... round is a shape.

    I don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in my pool.

    The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

    People say that money can't buy happiness. However, I just purchased marshmallows. Isn't that the same thing?

    If it ain't broken... fix it 'til it is.

    I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?

    Last night, I was lying on my bed, staring up at the stars, and wondering, "Where the heck is my roof?"

    Ten percent of people believe that their food has a party when they shut the fridge door.

    I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call a "floor" –– a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck, my friends, for I may not return alive.

    A rejected invention: Instant water! Just add water!

    I've got things to break, people to laugh at, objects to drool over and who knows what else.

    The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't by accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.

    Everything is edible. Everything. Even I am edible, but that, my children, is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

    Taste the rainbow –– eat crayons!

    What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? "Hold my purse."

    Do not lead me into temptation. I can find it myself.

    The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

    I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

    Make a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for life.

    Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. By the Hulk. On an adrenaline rush.

    If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

    Death by chocolate –– oh, what a way to go.

    I'd take a bullet for you. Not in the head, like in the leg or something.

    Worst. Idea. Ever. *pause* Let's do it.

    People who investigate noises in horror movies deserve to die.

    I've probably learned more from Google than I have from school.

    Your eyebrows are as beautiful as an enormous caterpillar.

    I'm the kind of person who breaks the silence at a funeral by yelling, "KUNG POW CHICKEN!"

    When there's a will, I want to be in it.

    Don't try to hold your hand over my mouth to make me shut up. I'll lick you.

    The greatest pleasure in life is doing something people tell you not to.

    Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself!

    So stick that in your juice box and SUCK IT!

    Whatever it was –– I didn't do it!

    Ever noticed that "studying" is "student" and "dying" put together?

    Dear Guy-Sitting-Next-To-Me: Yeah, I see you copying me. But joke's on you. I didn't study either.

    To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

    I don't get it...boys think girls are so complicated. Haven't they met themselves?

    If you're reading this then you're not dead. Good for you.

    I ROCK! Guitar hero told me.

    There's nothing wrong with talking to random objects. It's when they start to talk back that you need to worry.

    The trouble with real life is that there is no background music.

    If my calculations are correct... slinkies plus escalator = EVERLASTING FUN!!

    DEATH: the number 1 killer in the U.S... tell your friends.

    Three hundred sixty-four days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers. Yet on Halloween, it's encouraged! Why is that?

    If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

    They laugh because we're losers . . . . We laugh because they just figured it out.

    What hair color do they put down on the driver's licenses of a bald man?

    What do I do when I see someone EXTREMELY GORGEOUS? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired I put the mirror down!

    Facebook is like jail. You sit around and waste time, you write on walls, and you get poked by people you don't know!

    I wish I had Dora's parents… They let that girl go everywhere!

    I am proud of myself. I finished the puzzle in just 6 months while the box said 2 to 4 years.

    Girls spend the first ten years of their lives playing with Barbies, and the next ten years trying to look like one.

    I want to merge My Space, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.

    Just because I'm cute doesn't mean I'm harmless.

    Please note: Christmas this year is cancelled. I told Santa I was good this year... and he died laughing.

    An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute... screw the fruit!

    The surest sign of intelligent life out there is that none of them have tried to contact us.

    Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor.

    PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a bad girl.

    You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

    When you find a real man...
    Ask him if he has a SINGLE brother!

    He broke my heart...So I broke his JAW!

    Girls don't make mistakes, we date them.

    A wise man once said, "I don't know. Go ask a woman."

    A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

    You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

    Who was the first person who looked at a cow and say "I think I will squeeze those dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

    I'm such a genious. (Only good spellers will get the joke)

    Do people in England try to sound like Americans, like we try and have British accents?

    Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

    STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand

    You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

    1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you.

    Engineering: "How will this work?"
    Science: "Why will this work?"
    Management: "When will this work?"
    Liberal Arts: "Do you want fries with that?"

    You should never let anything stop you. Except safety rails. They're there for a reason.

    Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?

    Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything.

    Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

    We're so cool ice cubes are jealous.

    Laughing until your stomach hurts is what friends are for.

    You should always proofread what you write in case you any words.

    By the time you finished reading this you'll realize you just wasted 5 seconds of your life

    I burst laughing out in class today... I got that joke you told yesterday!

    There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is filled.

    People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

    You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Yeah, well I'm all that and a bag of M&Ms. Taste my rainbow!

    The absolute greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you can't.

    Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides know they're playing.

    Does being fluent in sarcasm count as a second language?

    Obsession? What do you mean, I have an obsession? (hides book behind back)

    You're just jealous because I'm the only one the voices talk to.

    There is no 'I' in team, but there is an 'I' in PIE, and so there is an 'I' in MEATPIE and since MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

    Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months.

    I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.

    To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

    Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit just a little bit harder.

    Why does the psychic hotline ask for your credit card number? Shouldn't they already know it?

    If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?

    A computer without Internet is like a person without a soul.

    When something has a sign that says "Do not touch" it is actually a test of how daring you are. Touch it.

    Tape microwave popcorn to the ceiling; it's cheaper than a smoke alarm.

    You are more likely to die on your way to buy a lottery ticket than to win the lottery.

    Punching someone in the face is a very efficient way to see how forgiving they are.

    Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Why doesn't glue stick to its bottle? Why do you still call it a building when it's already built? If you aren’t suppose to drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? Funny world.

    Very few personal problems can't be solves through suitable applications of high explosives.

    I do too have an hourglass figure; the sands just keep shifting.

    I didn't lose my marbles. I gave them to a kid with a marble run.

    I love Mondays! Hey, the medication's working!

    I let my mind wander, and it never came back.

    Don't let your mind wander. It's too small to be let out on its own.

    I just need a toxic substance... L.A. tap water will do just fine.

    I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.

    The world is out to get me. Hide me in your closet and don't let it find me.

    It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?

    I said I had my reasons. I never said you would understand.

    Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

    When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.

    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

    There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

    Diplomacy is the art of saying "Good doggie" while groping for a bigger stick.

    What's the point of having a giant paper clip if you won't use it for world domination?

    Shut up voices! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again!

    Note to self: do not use axe to kill a fly on a person's head.

    Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

    10% sugar, 10% spice, 80% demon child so you better be nice.

    I let some blind guy borrow money the other day. Yeah, he said he was gonna pay me back the next time he saw me...wait.

    Apparently 1 in 5 people are Chinese. There are five people in my family so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or dad. Or my older brother Will. Or my younger brother Ho-chan-chu. But I think it's Will.

    Be optimistic. All the people you hate are going to eventually die.

    I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

    I love how in scary movies the person says, “Hello?” as if the murderer’s gonna be like, “Yeah, I’m in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?”

    I keep some people's phone numbers in my contacts just so I know not to answer when they call.

    If you were on fire and I had some water, I'd drink it.

    A clean house is a sign of a broken computer.

    Note to self: It is illegal to stab someone for being stupid. No matter how much they deserve it.

    This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.

    You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it.

    If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

    Have you ever watched a Disney movie or something now that you're grown up and realized you had no idea what was going on when you first saw it?

    My teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said, “At the end of this ruler is an idiot.” I got detention for asking which end.

    Anatidaephobia — fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you.

    There is nothing worse than that moment in which you are sure you're going to die after leaning back in a chair a little too far.

    I think that part of a best friend's job after you die is to immediately clear your computer history.

    Keyboard not found... Press any key to continue.

    Ah, the internet: where men are men, women are also men, and thirteen-year-old girls are FBI agents.

    If Google can't find the answer, it's not a question.

    Sometimes, Google should come back with a message that says, "Trust me, you don't want to know."

    When butterflies fall in love do they feel humans in their stomachs?

    There’s a fine line between genius and stupidity. I like to play jump rope with that line.

    When I have kids someday, I’ll tell them to watch the movie 2012 and say, “I survived that.”

    If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get one million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

    A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

    The internet is like Egypt; we write on walls, convey messages with pictures that no one understands, and worship cats.

    Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

    If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

    Scary thought: A ghost could be humping you right now and you'd never know.

    I hate it when you miss a call by like two seconds, but when you call back immediately after, no one answers. What did they do, leave a message, drop the phone, and sprint as far away as possible?

    A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

    Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

    He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.

    I look around and all I see is stupid! On a completely unrelated topic, I like to look at mirrors.

    Can we be antisocial butterflies?

    Music is like candy; you throw away the rappers.

    “Did you just fall?” “No, I attacked the floor." "Backwards?” "I’m skilled.”

    "Wait! Violence is not the answer!" "You're right; it's the question! And the answer is YES!"

    "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," the sarcastic teacher said. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher.
    "Well, actually, I don't," said the student, "I just hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

    "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will decend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, then pick your favorite.''

    Your friend calls you at 3 in the morning. "Are you asleep?" "No, I'm skydiving."

    Would you like a cookie? So would I.

    I Googled you today and I'm disturbed with what I found.

    If you are reading this then step 1 of my evil plan is complete.

    I have no patience for impatient people.

    Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman. Then always be Batman.

    You're a great friend. But if the zombies are after us, I'm tripping you.

    You little rebel. I like you.

    The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

    Misuse of "literally" makes me figuratively insane.

    Spelling is dificoult.
    Spelling is chalanging.
    Spelling is hard.

    If you can't be a good example, be a warning.

    What floats in water?
    a) bread.
    b) apples.
    c) small rocks.
    d) duck.

    Sorry. I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

    Most Intelligent Person In The World [citation needed]

    (wait for it)

    Everything in moderation. Except chocolate.

    I am disappointment in you're grammar.

    Everything is easier said than done. Except for talking. That's about the same.

    Alliteration is alarmingly addictive.

    "B" is for BACON and that's good enough for ME!

    What girls don't know: when a boy acts like she hates them, he actually likes them.
    What boys don't know: when a girl acts like she hates them, she actually hates them.

    When I die, I want to go peacefully like Grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

    I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I swear, I was just aiming for your face.

    I'm not deaf. I'm just ignoring you.

    Never say to a police officer: "I swear to drunk I'm not God!"

    I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.

    Caution! I drive as bad as you do...

    If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

    I do whatever the voices tell me to do. It just depends on who yells the loudest.

    I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking death things with a stick. What about you?

    My day is not complete until I have terrified a complete stranger.

    Never get into an argument with a schizophrenic and say, "Who do you think you are?"

    Stress: a condition brought on by overriding the body's desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.

    If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
    If they really are melons, sit up in a tree and drop them onto your driveway.

    When life gives you Skittles, chuck them at people and yell, "TASTE THE RAINBOW!"
    When someone chucks Skittles at you and yells, "TASTE THE RAINBOW", chuck M&Ms back and say, "I'm not afraid."
    Or you run them over with a car and say, "Nationwide is on your side."

    If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
    If they really are melons, sit up in a tree and drop them onto your driveway.

    Five Rules of Life:

    If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

    If you can't join 'em, bribe 'em.

    If you can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.

    If you can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.

    If you can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

    Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline!

    If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

    If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

    If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

    If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

    If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to your mother ship.

    If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which button to press.

    If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

    If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696969696969696969696.

    If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

    If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

    If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

    If you have a bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

    If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

    If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

    If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

    If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy to talk to you.

    Repost this if you found this funny, or wish you were the one who recorded the voice mail...

    Jumping right to the point: REVIEW. Writers –– all of them, from famous authors to subtle FF writers –– ALL depend on the feedback from our readers. Vision Dominican brought up an interesting albeit tragically true idea:

    "Lack of reviews is the greatest killer of fan fic writers out there. We at the institute wish to let the public know of how they can pitch in to save our dying writers.

    1) Drop a review every other chapter. It may not seem like much, but reviews are actually what many of us want to see. That, and hits. Hits do make us happy but we don't really know if people like our story or not.

    2) Visit our author page. Those kind of hits really make us happy. It's where we showcase our entourage of friends, beta readers, and stories. Some of us even tidy up with set areas for upcoming story ideas and character bios.

    3) Send a personal message. While normally I'd prefer a review, emails are just as good. Really, it warms my heart to communicate with another reader or writer."

    What you call being "too lazy to review" is what we call "a flame to the pages" as the writers. That one minute or two that you felt "too lazy" to review is another minute of creeping discouragement that all writers feel as they begin to think...

    "Why am I even here…?"

    "What's even the point of continuing?"

    "My skills must be terrible…no one cares for my story…"

    "I'll never be a good writer...I quit."

    These are only a few thoughts that go through every writer's head –– that go through MY head –– when we put out a chapter / story with all our heart and soul within, and we sit there…and sit…and wait…and not a single person says even a word.

    If you're not a writer, you have NO IDEA how much that hurts…

    If you ARE a writer, then I'm sure you know just how great it feels when someone is kind enough to leave a heartwarming and encouraging review, and you read it, smiling while thinking, "Wow…I did it…"

    So, why not give fellow writers the same luxury here?

    Too many times I've seen epic and utterly beautiful works of literary art fall to pieces before finally being abandoned due to the terrible discouragement that the lack of reviews can cause.

    Sometimes, it is so severe that the very writer himself decides to quit, denying the world his skills of writing that I am sure it would have deeply enjoyed.


    Just one minute, that's all it takes. Just a few gentle taps of the fingers on your keyboard, a few seconds or so of your time, and your words can SAVE a writer from a dark demise.

    Do me a favor: Go find a story, ANY story, anywhere here on Fanfic,net, and see if you can help it. If it has very little / no reviews at all, just check it out, and say whatever comes to mind.

    And enjoy the thought in mind that you could have just SAVED that story, with just a few taps of the keyboard…

    If you agree with what I have said then please copy and paste any part of this story you wish onto your profile. Modify it in any way you see fit; there is no need to use my exact words. You make it say what you want it to say.

    Thank you so much for reading, and please try to complete the 'mission' I have given you. With just a minute of your time, you could save a writer…so please, do it.

    Because, my readers…

    Silence is truly deafening…"

    How to Know if You're Addicted to Fanfiction:

    10. You no longer refer to comments as "comments." They are now known only as "reviews."

    9. Pens are for idiots, and you wouldn't be caught dead with one. How on earth are you supposed to erase when you want to rewrite?

    8. You start laughing at the most inopportune times because you remembered something funny from a fanfic.

    7. You pretend to take notes, but really you're getting a head start on your latest ficlet/oneshot/idea.

    6. Short disclaimers are for losers. Whoever thinks up the craziest gets a cookie.

    5. You can't write for English class because you've used up all your ideas for fanfiction.

    4. A great story idea isn't a story idea. It's a plot bunny.

    3. You hear people talking about a ship (the water variety), and you jump, like, five feet in the air and act like you've never heard the word used outside of the fanfiction context.

    2. Whenever something inspiring happens, you screech, "Ooh! Fanfic idea!" and then immerse yourself in writing for the next three hours.

    1. You repost this onto your profile! :)

    The Name Game

    I'll use Taylor Victoire for this.

    YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle)

    Tayizzle (interesting.)

    YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fave color and fave animal)

    Blue Tiger (Ehh...)

    YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name)

    Victoire Demon (Double ehh...)

    YOUR NOBODY NAME: (letters of your first name scrambled, with an X wherever you want it)

    Yxtalxorx ( Don't know what to say)

    YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name)

    Coltaand (Not so bad)

    YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink)

    Silver lemonade (No commentaries)

    YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your mom's maiden name, 3rd letter of you dad's middle name, 1st letter of a sibling's first name, last letter of your mom's middle name)

    Alinmzy (Not bad either...though it's kinda hard to pronounce)

    YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's middle name)

    Ray (I could live with that.)

    YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets)

    Black Moon (... okay, I guess...)

    WHAT AM I?


    You own a cell phone.

    You own something from Abercrombie

    You own something from Pacsun

    You own something from Hollister

    You own something from American Eagle

    You love/like going to the mall.

    You own an iPod/MP3 player.

    You love Starbucks.

    You have been called a brat.

    You hate buying things that are on sale

    You have more than one house

    Total: 7 (My godness...)


    Black is one of your favorite colors. (Kinda)

    You have thought about death. (Who doesn't think about death?)

    You wear chains.

    You like heavy metal. (Not a lot but some songs are pretty cool)

    You've shopped at Hot Topic.

    You have worn black lipstick.

    Your hair was/is dark.

    You dislike preps.

    You're an athiest/ satanist/agnostic.

    Total: 4


    You can skateboard.

    You've worn plaid.

    You like Converse

    You hate MTV

    You have/had blue, pink, red, purple, or green hair.

    You dislike pink.

    You dislike preps

    You wear/wore skateboarding shoes.

    Total: 3


    You love the computer.

    You like Harry Potter

    You are supposed to wear glasses/contacts

    You get straight A's.

    You love/like reading.

    You were/are in band

    You don't care what you look like.

    You have a curfew.

    You always do your homework.

    You never miss school unless you're sick.

    Total: 6


    You cut yourself over depression.

    You have been depressed.

    You have black rimmed glasses. (Don't know why that has something to do with emos...)

    You like the band Evanescence ( a song or two)

    You cry easily.

    You like emo music. (Ehh...)

    You hate being called emo.

    You keep/have kept a journal/diary.

    You have written a sad poem.

    You think emo chicks/guys are hot

    Total: 4


    You like rap.

    You are/was in a gang.

    You wear/wore rubberbands in your pants.

    You swear once in a while or a lot.

    You have freestyled.

    You have worn high tops with the tongue flipped out.

    You can break dance

    Total: 0


    You like loud music

    You love/loved the Ninja Turtles

    You never walk anywhere.

    You wear slip-on shoes.

    You wear/wore Vans.

    You like the band Panic! At the Disco

    You wear band t-shirts.

    People have called you a freak and meant it.

    You love to "hardcore" dance

    Hair has been dyed more than 1 color

    Total: 4


    You watch/watched the Superbowl.

    You own track shoes or other sports related shoes.

    You collect your jerseys.

    You have a wall or shelf dedicated to your trophies / awards (They're of something related to music or gymnastics, though I have some of writting competition and one of a physics constest!)

    You have posters or plaques of famous athletes.

    Your garage consists of sports equipment

    You belong/belonged to a team. (girls soccer team and then sadly for me cheerleaders)

    You are going/did go to a sports summer camp ( Hope gymnstics count)

    You have a specific number (2)

    Total: 5


    You love hoodies.

    You love jeans.

    Dogs are better than cats.

    It's hilarious when people get hurt. (Kinda depends on who it is though...)

    You've played with/against boys on a team.

    Shopping is torture.

    Sad movies suck.

    You own/ed an X-Box.

    You played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.

    At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.

    You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.

    You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.

    You watch sports on TV.

    Gory movies are cool.

    You go to your dad for advice.

    You own like a trillion baseball caps.

    You like going to high school football games.

    You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.

    Baggy pants are cool to wear.

    It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.

    Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. (blue, silver, black)

    You love to go crazy and not care what people think.

    Sports are fun.

    You talk with food in your mouth. (sometimes!)

    You sleep with your socks on at night.

    TOTAL: 14


    You wear lip gloss/chapstick.

    You love to shop. ( depends on what)

    You wear eyeliner.

    You wear the color pink ( my mother forces me to)

    You go to your mom for advice. ( sometimes they don't work)

    You consider cheerleading a sport. ( I cheereader soccer when I was in elementary)

    You hate wearing the color black.

    You like hanging out at the mall.

    You like getting manicures and/or pedicures. (I like falling asleep in the massage chairs...)

    You like wearing jewelry.

    Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe. ( Thanks to my mother)

    Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.

    You don't like the movie Star Wars. (*gasp* How could they...!)

    You were in gymnastics/dance.

    It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.

    You smile a lot more than you should.

    You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.

    You care about what you look like.

    You like wearing dresses when you can.

    You like wearing perfume.

    You love the movies.

    You used to play with dolls as little kid. (never liked them

    You like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it. (Joke. Especially when they are not aware of me doing it.)

    You like being the star of every thing.

    TOTAL: 13

    Have an American history teacher explain this… if they can.

    Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.

    John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

    Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.

    John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

    Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

    Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

    Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

    Both Presidents were shot in the head.

    Now it gets really weird.

    Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.

    Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

    Both were assassinated by Southerners.

    Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

    Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.

    Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

    John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

    Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

    Both assassins were known by their three names.

    Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

    Hang on to your seat.

    Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford'.

    Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford'.

    Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.

    Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

    Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

    Now here’s the kicker.

    A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.

    A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

    Creepy, huh?

    For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)

    I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
    I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
    I'm a GIRL, so I MUST be WEAK.
    I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
    I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.
    I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
    I live in the COUNTRY, so I MUST live on a farm.
    I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
    I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
    I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
    I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
    I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
    I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
    I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
    I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
    I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
    I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
    I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
    I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
    I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
    I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
    I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
    I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
    I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
    I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
    I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
    I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore
    I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
    I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut (The only reason why I wear skirts a lot is because it's my school uniform and mom wants me to stop using sweetpants and jeans)
    I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
    I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
    I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
    I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
    I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
    I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
    I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
    I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
    I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
    I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
    I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
    I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
    I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
    I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
    I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
    I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
    I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

    I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
    I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
    I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
    I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.
    I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
    I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO
    I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
    I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
    I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
    I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
    I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
    I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
    I’m a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
    I’m a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude
    I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
    I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
    I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
    I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
    I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
    I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
    I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
    I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
    I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
    I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
    I'm a FEMALE, so I MUST not SWEAR.
    I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
    I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
    I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
    I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
    I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil (So I’ve been told)
    I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
    I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
    I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
    I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
    I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
    I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
    I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
    I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
    I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
    I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
    I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
    I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
    I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
    I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
    I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

    I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
    I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
    I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
    I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
    I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
    I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
    I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
    I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling snob.
    My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
    I READ COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.
    I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE, so I MUST be a whore myself.
    I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
    I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
    I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
    I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
    I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
    I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
    I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
    I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
    I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
    I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
    I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo
    I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
    I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
    I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
    I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
    I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
    I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
    I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
    I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
    I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
    I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with a cockney or posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
    I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
    I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
    I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.
    I care about the ENVIRONMENT, so I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.
    I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
    I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
    I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
    I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
    I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
    I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
    I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.

    I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
    I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
    I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
    I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
    I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
    I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
    I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.
    I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast.
    I wear BLACK nail polish, so I MUST be EMO, GOTH, or PUNK.
    I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.
    I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
    I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
    I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
    I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
    I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s.
    I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times.
    I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
    I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
    I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
    I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
    I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
    I am an HONOR STUDENT, so I MUST be a NERD
    I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
    I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
    I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake.
    I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
    I am a BRUNETTE, so I MUST think all blondes are STUPID
    Ihave RED HAIR, so I MUST have GREEN eyes and FRECKlES
    I have BLACK HAIR, so I MUST not be WHITE
    I am BLACK, so I MUST want you to try and avoid saying that WORD in my presence.
    I EAT slowly, so I MUST believe that fast eaters are killing their DIGESTIVE SYSTEMS
    I've read TWILIGHT, so I MUST be a crazily obsessed FANGIRL
    I can eat FIVE SLICES of pizza in one sitting, so I MUST be FAT
    I like SLEEPING IN, so I MUST be a lazy TEENAGER
    I don't like POP, so I MUST not be NORMAL
    I am careful about my NUT ALLERGY, so I MUST think all candy has NUTS in it.
    I have ASTHMA, so I MUST not play sports
    I am a girl and play SOCCER/FOOTBALL/HOCKEY, so I MUST be trying to get guys ATTENTION
    I am HONEST, so I MUST be MEAN
    I am a MENNONITE, so I MUST never have heard of a TELEVISION
    I don't have FACEBOOK, so I MUST have no LIFE
    I say I like STAYCATIONS, so I MUST be trying to save GAS
    I do WELL in school, so I MUST LOVE it.
    I have clothes from WALMART, so I MUST not care about CHILD LABOUR
    I don't like SILENCE, so I MUST fill every one with CHATTER
    I like SINGING, so I MUST belong to a CHOIR

    I don't like DANCING, so I MUST be ANTISOCIAL
    I am an INUIT, so I MUST live in an IGLOO
    I am CANADIAN, so I MUST say 'EH'
    I listen to my IPOD, so I MUST not care about the people AROUND me
    I am part of the POLICE FORCE, so I MUST break all SPEED LIMITS
    I am FRENCH so I MUST have a little MOUSTACHE an a BERET. ( part American, part French)
    I am INDIAN, so I MUST speak English with an incomprehensible ACCENT
    I can’t just EXERCISE without a purpose, so I MUST have no MOTIVATION
    I am a man with LONG HAIR, so I MUST be a HIPPY
    I am a woman with SHORT HAIR, so I MUST be a CAREER WOMAN
    I am a GIRL, so I MUST not like MATH
    I am a BOY, so I MUST like GYM
    I have ACNE problems, so I must not care about my personal HYGENE
    I own an SUV, so I MUST not care about the ENVIRONMENT
    I write POETRY, so I MUST be CRAZY


    New Born

    So, here's how it works: 1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc). (I used my iPod.) 2. Put it on shuffle. 3. Press play. 4. For every question, type the song that's playing. 5. When you go to a new question, press the next button. 6. DON'T LIE GEEZ.

    What is your motto?
    Survival –– Muse

    What do your friends think of you?

    Troublemaker –– Green Day
    (That's me…Yeah!)

    What if you got so mad that everyone stayed away from you and let you have your space for four days?
    Death and all his friends -- Coldplay

    What if there was a stalker chasing you?
    What the hell - Avril Lavingne

    What would you do if your friend left you?
    Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) –– Kelly Clarkson

    What if you saw a bunch of random people/things?

    Human -- The killers


    What if a male friend did every thing an adult can do?
    Muscle Museum - - Muse
    (Three words with M.)

    What do you want to be when you grow up?
    One-X –– Three Days Grace
    (I don’t know about that one.)

    What do you think when you see the person you like?
    All the small things –– Bilnk
    (No commentaries)

    What do your parents think of you?
    Get Out Alive –– Three Days Grace

    (It might be

    What will you dance to at your we dding?
    November Rain –– Guns & Roses
    (Oh, please. That’s just deppressing.)

    What will they play at your funeral?
    Supremacy –– Muse

    What is your hobby/interest?

    Radioactive –– Imagine Dragons
    (I don’t really know…)

    What would you do if you worked at a casino?
    If I die young –– The Band Perry
    (Sounds like a plan b…)

    What do you think of your friends?
    Just give me a reason –– Pink
    (Um… no commentaries)

    What is the worst thing that could happen?

    Sweet 16 –– Green Day
    (You got that right.)

    What if your brother/sister never stopped bothering you?
    Let it be –– The Beatles

    What is the one thing you will regret?
    Makeout party –– Green Day

    (I would regret that)

    Where would you like to go?
    Panic Station –– Muse

    What has a catchy beat?
    Abraham's Daughter –– Arcade Fire

    Will you ever get married?
    How you remind me –– Nickleback
    (Uh…so no comment.)

    Does anyone like you?
    Resistance –– Muse

    If you could go back in time, what would you change?

    Decode –– Paramore
    ( I don’t know my answer anyway.)

    What will you do to make the class laugh?
    Trouble - Pink

    (That's me…)

    What will you post this as?
    New Born –– Muse
    (A disappointing end to an interesting game.)

    I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
    uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
    pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
    rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
    mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are in, the
    olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
    be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
    mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
    Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
    ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
    Amzanig, huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
    was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool!
    If you could read that, paste this to your profile

    Percy Jackson fans say, "I want to go to Camp Half-Blood!"

    Harry Potter fans say, "I want to go to Hogwarts!"

    Hunger Games fans say, "Nah, I'm fine where I am."

    Team Nico because...

    Edward sucks blood

    Jacob smells like a wet dog

    Harry is overrated

    Percy has fish breath

    And you and I both know

    That being able to raise the dead is just plain HOT

    YOU ARE A... (bold what you are)

    You like being in charge.
    You often wish you could just zap someone with a thunderbolt.
    You were voted Class President.
    You do what’s best for everyone.
    You think you have what it takes to run for President.
    You think every problem has a solution.
    You love showing off.
    You like plane rides.
    You are hydrophobic.

    You feel at home in the water.
    Your favorite vacation place is at the beach.
    You enjoy snorkelling, scuba diving, surfing, etc.
    You want to do something about the marine species being abused today.
    You visit the local pool on a regular basis.
    You swim professionally.
    You hate seafood.
    You never get seasick.

    You’d rather ride a boat than a plane.
    You are acrophobic.
    2/10 I’m not scared of heights. I’m scared of falling to my death.

    You’re not that much of a people person.
    You like staying in the dark and writing.
    You experience bad moods on a regular basis.
    You like listening to loud, heavy metal-ish music.
    You spend most of your time alone.
    You think parties are sometimes loud and annoying.
    You like to keep to yourself.
    All your closets are padlocked, or you wish they could be.
    You feel most active at night.
    You aren’t particularly fond of most animals.
    10/10 Hmm…interesting. Yet at the same time, I don’t want Nico to be my half brother. That would really suck.

    You own a garden.
    You like the great outdoors.
    You have a green thumb.
    You’re an environmentalist.
    You have a special connection with animals.
    You’re a vegetarian.
    You like going hiking, camping, and looking at the natural wonders of the world.
    You think global warming is a threat that must be dealt with.
    0/8 What do you mean, I’m not appreciating nature? My bedroom window’s open!

    You often start fights (well, sometimes...).
    You’re a very aggressive type of person.
    You like watching wrestling.
    You’re competitive.
    You like reading about war.
    You don’t take crap from anybody.

    You have anger management.
    You never back away from a fight.
    Everyone does what you say.
    You don’t always think before you do something.
    5/10 I never back away from a fight…because even though I didn’t start it, I’m gonna finish it.

    You have an insatiable thirst for knowledge.
    You’re probably the only person who visits the library on a regular basis.
    Half of your Christmas presents last year were books.
    You like reading about war, mostly about the reasons and controversies behind it.

    You’re the valedictorian in your class.
    You’ve never gotten a grade below 80 in your report card.
    You get political jokes without asking people to explain them.

    You think it would be better if you were the President.
    You have a huge shelf of books at home.
    You think vinyl pocket protectors are useful.
    You are arachnophobic.
    8/11 I hate those horrible spiders

    You’re very creative and artistic.
    You like listening to all kinds of music in general (except for that weird twentieth century jazz stuff with the trumpets and saxophones. Ugh. And rap).
    You always feel sunny and optimistic.
    You are talented at drawing.
    You like writing poetry.
    You can play at least 3 musical instruments. (piano, violin, flute)

    You like going to art museums.
    You almost always win 1st Place in Art Contests.
    You have straight A's in Art on your report card.
    Your school notebook has more doodles than notes.

    You dislike boys in general.
    A deer is one of your favorite animals.
    You can shoot targets.
    You like silver.
    You like the moon better than the sun.
    Zoe Nightshade is awesome.

    You love wild animals.
    You spend most of your time outdoors.
    You love to move around the place.
    Hunting is not cruel if it's to hunt down monsters.
    6/10 I dislike boys…usually. If they’re not pig-headed idiots, they’re okay.

    You have a way with tools.
    You build awesome things during your free time.
    You’re the best at Woodshop in your class.
    Metalworking is your forte.
    You have your own toolbox.
    You often search the Internet to look for pictures of robots.
    You’re a techie.
    You often have carpentry projects.
    You dream of being a carpenter.
    You aren’t afraid of fire.

    Every guy/girl swoons for you.
    You like putting on makeup.
    You naturally smell good.
    You never experience a bad hair day.
    Your favorite activity is clothes-shopping.
    You’re always at the front of every trend.
    You’re the popular girl/guy at your school.
    You’re often invited to parties.
    Your motto is “It’s never a party without me.”
    you look at yourself in the mirror on a regular basis.Y
    2/10 I look on every mirror I see

    You like pickpocketing your friends.
    You’re a prankster.
    You’re a speed demon.
    You consider yourself restless.
    You’re the best speaker in the class
    You like thinking on your feet and using your wits.
    You’re inventive and resourceful.
    You often start arguments.
    You’ve never lost a debate.
    You like making witty and sarcastic statements.
    9/10 Sarcasm and pranks rule!

    You’re the life of the party.
    You like wine. (Red wine only and very little amounts)
    You’ve probably tasted every alcoholic drink out there.
    You can finish a martini in less than a minute.
    You have a happy, cheerful disposition.
    You’re a foodie.
    You like going to social events and mingling with people.
    You like trying out new food.
    You feel that you’re abundant in life.
    You think that too much of anything is bad.
    1/10 Give me your chocolate OR ELSE. Notice how OR ELSE is capitalized, bolded, italicized, and underlined. Think. Do ya really want to mess with me?

    Being called 'crazy' is a compliment.
    You like magic.
    You like Harry Potter.
    You're bold.
    You hate when people think you're the bad guy.
    You dress dark, but your personality is cheerful and happy.
    You couldn't care less about fashion.
    Teddy bears are lethal in your hands.
    You like being different from everybody else.
    You can spend hours a day debating something ridiculous.
    5/10 Screw conformity.

    A student got a 0% on the following exam even when he didn't get anything wrong. How is that?

    Q1: In which battle did Napoleon die?

    A: In his last battle

    Q2: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

    A: At the bottom of the paper

    Q3: The River Ravi flows in which state?

    A: Liquid

    Q4: What is the main reason for divorce?

    A: Marriage

    Q5: What is the main reason for failure?

    A: Exams

    Q6: What can you never eat for breakfast?

    A: Lunch and dinner

    Q7: What looks like half an apple?

    A: The other half

    Q8: If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what will it become?

    A: Wet

    Q9: How can a man go eight days without sleeping?

    A: He sleeps at night

    Q10: How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

    A: You will never find an elephant that only has one hand

    Q11: It took eight men ten hours to build a wall. How long will it take four men to build it?

    A: No time at all. The wall is already built.

    Q12: How can you drop an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it?

    A: Any way you want. Concrete floors are very hard to crack.

    Friends will make plans with your parents before they come to your house.

    Best friends will barge through the door and yell, “I’M HOME!”

    Friends will bring you your homework when you’re home sick.

    Best friends will stuff it down a paper shredder for you and then blame it on their dog.

    Friends will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

    Best friends will kick the whole crowd’s butt that left you.

    Friends ask you to write down your number for them.

    Best friends have you on speed dial.

    Friends have to be told not to tell anyone.

    Best friends already know not to tell.

    Friends will help you when you’re lost.

    Best friends will give you bad directions and screw with your compass.

    Friends will go with you to a concert.

    Best friends will help you kidnap the band.

    Friends will hide you from the cops.

    Best friends are probably the reason they are after you.

    Friends will bail you out of prison.

    Best friends will be sitting next to you saying, “We screwed up, didn't we? But dang... that was awesome!"

    Friends will find you your Prince Charming.

    Best friends will find him, kidnap him, and then bring him to you.

    Friends will comfort you when he breaks up with you.

    Best friends will call him and whisper into the receiver, “Seven days…”

    Friends will help you learn how to drive.

    Best friends will help you roll the car into the lake so you can collect the insurance.

    Friends borrow your stuff for a few days and then return it.

    Best friends have had your stuff for so long they’ve forgotten it’s yours.

    Friends will leave when they feel insulted.

    Best friends will forgive you even if you don’t know what you said wrong.

    Friends will ask you if you’re okay when you’re crying.

    Best friends will cry with you and then go beat up the sorry loser who made you cry.

    Friends will offer you a soda.

    Best friends will dump theirs on you.

    Friends will console you when your house catches on fire.

    Best friends will roast marshmallows and flirt with the firemen.

    Friends will ask, “Hey, are you okay?”

    Best friends will load up their shotgun before you can tell them what's wrong.

    Friends tell you that you look nice.

    Best friends will tell you that your outfit looks like puke and help you find a new one ten minutes before school starts.

    Friends say "good luck" when you go get your ears pierced.

    Best friends help pick out your studs, take before and after pictures of your earlobes, and then put up with the unending questions and mirror-staring.

    Friends roll their eyes when you start rambling yet again about your boyfriend (the fourth time that night).

    Best friends start rambling with you.

    Friends smile amusedly when you get obsessed with something.

    Best friends get obsessed with you.

    Friends say "See you later!"

    Best friends say "I LUUUUUUUUUHHHHHVVVV you!!! DON'T LEEEEEAVVVE!" and tackle/hugs you.

    Friends forgive you.

    Best friends hold a fake grudge against you until you let them borrow a hair band.

    Friends tell jokes with you.

    Best friends have countless inside jokes with you.

    Friends will help you move.

    Best friends will help you move the bodies.

    Friends meet your boyfriend and say "Nice to meet you."

    Best friends meet your boyfriend and scare the crap out of him by threatening to break every bone in his body if he hurts you.

    Friends think you’re insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline.

    Best friends are jumping right after you.

    Friends come over every couple of months for a sleepover.

    Best friends are your weekend boarders.

    Friends are shy around your boyfriend.

    Best friends will tease him until he blushes redder than a fire truck.

    Friends call you crazy for running through the bleachers yelling, “IT’S PICKLE TIME!”

    Best friends say, "NO. IT'S CUCUMBER TIME!" and then run with you.

    Friends will be crying at your funeral.

    Best friends will be sitting in jail for killing the guy who murdered you.

    Friends will ignore this.

    Best friends will repost this crap!

    7 Ways to scare your roommates

    7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."

    6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

    5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

    4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

    3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you're hungry.

    2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

    1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No. I want to watch them suffer."

    Fun things to do on the elevator!

    1.) Smack your forehead while muttering, "Shut up, shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

    2.) Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

    3.) Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside, and ask, "Got enough air in there?"

    4.) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.

    5.) Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

    6.) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open up by themselves.

    7.) Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

    8.) On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

    9.) Meow occasionally.

    10.) Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM" and back away slowly.

    11.) Say "DING" at each floor.

    12.) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

    13.) Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to the other passengers "through" it.

    14.) Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

    15.) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

    16.) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on."

    17.) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"

    18.) Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

    19.) Try to make a personal call on the emergency phone.

    20.) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."

    21.) When there's only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

    22.) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

    23.) Try to order pizza from the emergency phone.

    24.) Ask if you can push the buttons for people but push the wrong ones.

    25.) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg, how's your day been?"

    26.) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's MINE!"

    27.) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

    28.) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

    29.) Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the other passengers.

    30.) Swat at flies that don't exist.

    31.) Offer to sell "preowned" gum to other passengers.

    32.) Shout, "I love this song!" and start tapping your foot and humming the tune –– when no music is being played.

    33.) Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, and run back on.

    34.) Call out randomly, "GROUP HUG!" then enforce it.

    35.) Bring a dead light bulb on board, wait a few seconds, then hold it up and say ominously, "The sun. It is dying."

    36.) Argue with yourself.

    37.) Keep your finger on (but not necessarily in) your nose at all times.

    38.) Put an ice cream cone on your head and say out of the blue, "I'm a beautiful unicorn!"

    39.) Drop a coin. When someone goes to pick it up, loudly rip a piece of construction paper and watch their reaction. Most people will check to see if they ripped their pants.

    40.) Look around and ask, "Where's the bathroom?" –– especially on long trips.

    41.) Stare up at the ceiling, smile, and wave. Make sure one of the other passengers is looking your way.

    42.) Blurt out random lines from asdf.

    43.) Ask "Are we there yet?" three seconds after the doors close.

    44.) Bring one of those tiny battery powered fans, hold it in front of your face, and sing, "I believe I can fly..."

    45.) If someone starts talking to you, say, "Lo siento, no hablo ingles..."

    46.) Use a banana like a phone and talk into it like nothing is wrong.

    47.) If someone asks if you're okay, ask if they want fries with that.

    48.) Finish all sentences with, "In Accordance To The Prophecy".

    49.) Place a whoopie cushion right by the doors.

    50.) Talk to an avocado and call it a mango.

    51.) Ask people if they want to go to Neverland and give them the entire Peter Pan summary of how to get there.

    52.) Cry. When someone asks if there's something wrong, say in a sniffly voice, "I just lost my sheep! And I don’t know where to find them! I just hope *sniffle* that if I leave them alone, they'll come home, bringing their tails behind them."

    53.) Bet the other passengers that you can fit a quarter in your nose.

    54.) Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."

    55.) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

    56.) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

    57.) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

    58.) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

    59.) Ask suddenly, "Did you feel that?"

    60.) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

    61.) When the doors close, announce to the other passengers, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

    62.) Tell people that you can see their aura.

    63.) Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

    64.) When at least eight people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh no, not now... motion sickness!"

    65.) On long trips, frown and mutter repetitively, "Gotta go, gotta go", and then sigh and say, "Whoops. Never mind."

    66.) Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

    67.) Leave a box between the doors.

    68.) Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

    69.) If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad touch!"

    70.) Bring a chair along.

    71.) While the doors are opening, hurriedly and loudly whisper, "Hide it... quick!" then whistle innocently.

    72.) Ask if anyone wants to hear you recite poetry. Don't make the words rhyme.

    73.) Let your cell phone ring. Don't answer it.

    74.) When the doors close, sigh and say, "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days."

    75.) Take off shoes before entering. Look shocked when no one else does.

    76.) Congratulate all for being on the same lift as you.

    77.) Ask people what floor they want, then raise an eyebrow and ask, "Is that your final answer?”

    78.) Dress up in a long black cloak with a hood, stare at everyone, and in a deep voice announce, "It is time..."

    79.) When getting off, get emotional. Hug everyone and tell them that you will never forget them.

    80.) Before getting off, give a random person a briefcase and whisper, "You know what to do." Walk out without another word.

    81.) Say, when there are more than eight people on board, "I know you are all wondering why I have gathered you here."

    82.) Ask other passengers if they know when the undead squirrels will rise.

    83.) Recite an entire movie. It matters not what it is.

    84.) Start reciting the alphabet backwards. Every time, skip X, stop at T, say, "Darn! Forgot X! Start over!" and repeat.

    85.) Shave.

    86.) Read an invisible book. If someone asks why you are holding your hands like that, say, "Shh! I'm at a good part!" and turn the imaginary page.

    87.) Play Angry Birds on your phone. Turn the volume up all the way.

    88.) When wearing a watch, tap a person on the shoulder with the hand that has the watch and ask if they know the time. If they point out that you're wearing a watch, pretend that you don't know what they're talking about.

    89.) Set your watch timer to go off. When it goes off, pretend like you don't hear it and let it beep.

    90.) Ask people if they want to see your secret freckle.

    91.) When the elevator is going down, holler, "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!"

    92.) Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket".

    93.) Occasionally bleat like a sheep.

    94.) Ask people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"

    95.) Have a (fake) conversation on your phone in a whisper voice while in the back of the elevator, then suddenly break out in an evil laugh (MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!), following it with, "Ah, Judson. You do come up with the most evil schemes, no?" or something of that sort.

    96.) When standing near a "high class" person, ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off."

    97.) Recite the first 4,000 decimal places of pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too.

    98.) Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweatpants.

    99.) Start singing the alphabet song. If no one sings with you (which they will not) insist, "Everyone knows that song. Are you stupid?"

    100.) Look at your hand in amazement and say, "Whoa, I never knew I had this!"

    101.) Before getting on the elevator, put powdered sugar in your hair. When on the elevator (and while standing next to someone, preferably another "high class" person) scratch your head a lot.

    Rules to follow if you want to be a successful Evil Overlord:

    My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

    My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

    My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

    Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

    I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

    When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought, I'll shoot him, then say "No."

    After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

    I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such.

    I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum –– a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

    I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

    One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

    All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

    The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

    I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

    I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

    When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

    I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

    I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

    Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

    I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

    No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

    I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way –– even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless –– my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

    I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

    No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

    No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

    I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

    My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

    I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

    All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

    All naïve, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

    I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

    I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

    I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

    I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

    I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

    If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

    If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

    If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

    I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

    Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

    When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

    I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

    I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

    I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

    If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This," and kill the advisor.

    If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

    I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

    If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

    My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

    If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess's cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

    I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

    If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

    I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

    The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

    My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

    Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

    If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

    I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

    My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

    If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

    I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

    Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

    I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

    If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

    My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

    No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

    I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

    All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

    When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

    If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

    If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

    I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

    When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

    I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

    If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

    If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

    I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

    If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

    If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

    If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

    I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

    If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

    I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

    I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

    I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

    My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

    If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

    After I capture the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

    I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

    I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

    If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

    If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

    When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

    My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

    My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

    My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.

    If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

    Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45 MB in size.

    To keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

    I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.

    I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident -- I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.

    I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.

    My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.

    I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused.

    If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will immediately flee to safety in my prepared escape pod and direct the defenses from there. I will not wait until the troops break into my inner sanctum to attempt this.

    Even though I don't really care because I plan on living forever, I will hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough that, if I am slain, it won't tumble to the ground for no good structural reason.

    Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect a secondary character who has given up his/her life through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed.

    I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main square of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along.

    I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero's party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.

    I will offer oracles the choice of working exclusively for me or being executed.

    I will not rely entirely upon "totally reliable" spells that can be neutralized by relatively inconspicuous talismans.

    I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency.

    I will never accept a challenge from the hero.

    I will not engage an enemy single-handedly until all my soldiers are dead.

    If I capture the hero's starship, I will keep it in the landing bay with the ramp down, only a few token guards on duty and a ton of explosives set to go off as soon as it clears the blast-range.

    No matter how much I want revenge, I will never order an underling "Leave him. He's mine!"

    If I have equipment which performs an important function, it will not be activated by a lever that someone could trigger by accidentally falling on when fatally wounded.

    I will not attempt to kill the hero by placing a venomous creature in his room. It will just wind up accidentally killing one of my clumsy henchmen instead.

    Since nothing is more irritating than a hero defeating you with basic math skills, all of my personal weapons will be modified to fire one more shot than the standard issue.

    If I come into possession of an artifact which can only be used by the pure of heart, I will not attempt to use it regardless.

    The gun turrets on my fortress will not rotate enough so that they may direct fire inward or at each other.

    If I decide to hold a contest of skill open to the general public, contestants will be required to remove their hooded cloaks and shave their beards before entering.

    Prior to kidnapping an older male scientist and forcing him to work for me, I will investigate his offspring and make sure that he has neither a beautiful but naive daughter who is willing to risk anything to get him back, nor an estranged son who works in the same field but had a falling-out with his father many years ago.

    Should I actually decide to kill the hero in an elaborate escape-proof deathtrap room (water filling up, sand pouring down, walls converging, etc.) I will not leave him alone five-to-ten minutes prior to "imminent" death, but will instead (finding a vantage point or monitoring camera) stick around and enjoy watching my adversary's demise.

    Rather than having only one secret escape pod, which the hero can easily spot and follow, I'll simultaneously launch a few dozen decoys to throw him off track.

    Prison guards will have their own cantina featuring a wide variety of tasty treats that will deliver snacks to the guards while on duty. The guards will also be informed that accepting food or drink from any other source will result in execution.

    I will not employ robots as agents of destruction if there is any possible way that they can be re-programmed or if their battery packs are externally mounted and easily removable.

    Despite the delicious irony, I will not force two heroes to fight each other in the arena.

    All members of my Legions of Terror will have professionally tailored uniforms. If the hero knocks a soldier unconscious and steals the uniform, the poor fit will give him away.

    I will never place the key to a cell just out of a prisoner's reach.

    Before appointing someone as my trusted lieutenant, I will conduct a thorough background investigation and security clearance.

    If I find my beautiful consort with access to my fortress has been associating with the hero, I'll have her executed. It's regrettable, but new consorts are easier to get than new fortresses and maybe the next one will pay attention at the orientation meeting.

    If I am escaping in a large truck and the hero is pursuing me in a small Italian sports car, I will not wait for the hero to pull up along side of me and try to force him off the road as he attempts to climb aboard. Instead I will slam on the brakes when he's directly behind me. (A rudimentary knowledge of physics can prove quite useful.)

    My doomsday machine will have a highly-advanced technological device called a capacitor in case someone inconveniently pulls the plug at the last second. (If I have access to REALLY advanced technology, I will include a back-up device known as a battery.)

    If I build a bomb, I will simply remember which wire to cut if it has to be deactivated and make every wire red.

    Before spending available funds on giant gargoyles, gothic arches, or other cosmetically intimidating pieces of architecture, I will see if there are any valid military expenditures that could use the extra budget.

    The passageways to and within my domain will be well-lit with fluorescent lighting. Regrettably, the spooky atmosphere will be lost, but my security patrols will be more effective.

    If I'm sitting in my camp, hear a twig snap, start to investigate, then encounter a small woodland creature, I will send out some scouts anyway just to be on the safe side. (If they disappear into the foliage, I will not send out another patrol; I will break out the napalm.)

    I will instruct my guards when checking a cell that appears empty to look for the chamber pot. If the chamber pot is still there, then the prisoner has escaped and they may enter and search for clues. If the chamber pot is not there, then either the prisoner is perched above the lintel waiting to strike them with it or else he decided to take it as a souvenir (in which case he is obviously deeply disturbed and poses no threat). Either way, there's no point in entering.

    As an alternative to not having children, I will have lots of children. My sons will be too busy jockeying for position to ever be a real threat, and the daughters will all sabotage each other's attempts to win the hero.

    If I have children and subsequently grandchildren, I will keep my three-year-old granddaughter near me at all times. When the hero enters to kill me, I will ask him to first explain to her why it is necessary to kill her beloved grandpa. When the hero launches into an explanation of morality way over her head, that will be her cue to pull the lever and send him into the pit of crocodiles. After all, small children like crocodiles almost as much as Evil Overlords and it's important to spend quality time with the grandkids.

    If one of my daughters actually manages to win the hero and openly defies me, I will congratulate her on her choice, declare a national holiday to celebrate the wedding, and proclaim the hero my heir. This will probably be enough to break up the relationship. If not, at least I am assured that no hero will attack my Legions of Terror when they are holding a parade in his honor.

    I will order my guards to stand in a line when they shoot at the hero so he cannot duck and have them accidentally shoot each other. Also, I will order some to aim above, below, and to the sides so he cannot jump out of the way.

    My dungeon cell decor will not feature exposed pipes. While they add to the gloomy atmosphere, they are good conductors of vibrations and a lot of prisoners know Morse code.

    If my surveillance reports any un-manned or seemingly innocent ships found where they are not supposed to be, they will be immediately vaporized instead of brought in for salvage.

    I will classify my lieutenants in three categories: untrusted, trusted, and completely trusted. Promotion to the third category will be awarded posthumously.

    Before ridiculing my enemies for wasting time on a device to stop me that couldn't possibly work, I will first acquire a copy of the schematics and make sure that in fact it couldn't possibly work.

    Ropes supporting various fixtures will not be tied next to open windows or staircases, and chandeliers will be hung way at the top of the ceiling.

    I will provide funding and research to develop tactical and strategic weapons covering a full range of needs so my choices are not limited to "hand to hand combat with swords" and "blow up the planet".

    I will not set myself up as a god. That perilous position is reserved for my trusted lieutenant.

    I will instruct my fashion designer that when it comes to accessorizing, second-chance body armor goes well with every outfit.

    My Legions of Terror will be an equal-opportunity employer. Conversely, when it is prophesied that no man can defeat me, I will keep in mind the increasing number of non-traditional gender roles.

    I will instruct my Legions of Terror in proper search techniques. In particular, if they are searching for escapees and someone shouts, "Quick! They went that way!", they must first ascertain the identity of this helpful informant before dashing off in hot pursuit.

    If I know of any heroes in the land, I will not under any circumstance kill their mentors, teachers, and/or best friends.

    If I have the hero and his party trapped, I will not wait until my Superweapon charges to finish them off if more conventional means are available.

    Whenever plans are drawn up that include a time-table, I'll post-date the completion 3 days after it's actually scheduled to occur and not worry too much if they get stolen.

    I will exchange the labels on my folder of top-secret plans and my folder of family recipes. Imagine the hero's surprise when he decodes the stolen plans and finds instructions for Grandma's Potato Salad.

    If I burst into rebel headquarters and find it deserted except for an odd, blinking device, I will not walk up and investigate; I'll run like hell.

    Before being accepted into my Legions of Terror, potential recruits will have to pass peripheral vision and hearing tests, and be able to recognize the sound of a pebble thrown to distract them.

    I will occasionally vary my daily routine and not live my life in a rut. For example, I will not always take a swig of wine or ring a giant gong before finishing off my enemy.

    If I steal something very important to the hero, I will not put it on public display.

    When planning an expedition, I will choose a route for my forces that does not go through thick, leafy terrain conveniently located near the rebel camp.

    I will hire one hopelessly stupid and incompetent lieutenant, but make sure that he is full of misinformation when I send him to capture the hero.

    As an equal-opportunity employer, I will have several hearing-impaired body-guards. That way if I wish to speak confidentially with someone, I'll just turn my back so the guards can't read my lips instead of sending all of them out of the room.

    If the rebels manage to trick me, I will make a note of what they did so that I do not keep falling for the same trick over and over again.

    If I am recruiting to find someone to run my computer systems, and my choice is between the brilliant programmer who's head of the world's largest international technology conglomerate and an obnoxious 15-year-old dork who's trying to impress his dream girl, I'll take the brat and let the hero get stuck with the genius.

    I will plan in advance what to do with each of my enemies if they are captured. That way, I will never have to order someone to be tied up while I decide his fate.

    If I have massive computer systems, I will take at least as many precautions as a small business and include things such as virus-scans and firewalls.

    I will be an equal-opportunity despot and make sure that terror and oppression is distributed fairly, not just against one particular group that will form the core of a rebellion.

    I will not locate a base in a volcano, cave, or any other location where it would be ridiculously easy to bypass security by rapelling down from above.

    I will allow guards to operate under a flexible work schedule. That way if one is feeling sleepy, he can call for a replacement, punch out, take a nap, and come back refreshed and alert to finish out his shift.

    Although it would provide amusement, I will not confess to the hero's rival that I was the one who committed the heinous act for which he blames the hero.

    If I am dangling over a precipice and the hero reaches his hand down to me, I will not attempt to pull him down with me. I will allow him to rescue me, thank him properly, then return to the safety of my fortress and order his execution.

    I will have my fortress exorcized regularly. Although ghosts in the dungeon provide an appropriate atmosphere, they tend to provide valuable information once placated.

    I will add indelible dye to the moat. It won't stop anyone from swimming across, but even dim-witted guards should be able to figure out when someone has entered in this fashion.

    If a scientist with a beautiful and unmarried daughter refuses to work for me, I will not hold her hostage. Instead, I will offer to pay for her future wedding and her children's college tuition.

    If I have the hero cornered and am about to finish him off and he says "Look out behind you!!" I will not laugh and say "You don't expect me to fall for that old trick, do you?" Instead I will take a step to the side and half turn. That way I can still keep my weapon trained on the hero, I can scan the area behind me, and if anything was heading for me it will now be heading for him.

    I will not outsource core functions.

    If I ever build a device to transfer the hero's energy into me, I will make sure it cannot operate in reverse.

    I will decree that all hay be shipped in tightly-packed bales. Any wagonload of loose hay attempting to pass through a checkpoint will be set on fire.

    I will not hold any sort of public celebration within my castle walls. Any event open to members of the public will be held down the road in the festival pavilion.

    Before using any device which transfers energy directly into my body, I will install a surge suppressor.

    I will hire a drama coach. The hero will think it must be a case of mistaken identity when confronted by my Minnesota accent (if everyone sounds American) or my Cornwall accent (if everyone sounds British).

    If I capture an enemy known for escaping via ingenious and fantastic little gadgets, I will order a full cavity search and confiscate all personal items before throwing him in my dungeon.

    I will not devise any scheme in which Part A consists of tricking the hero into unwittingly helping me and Part B consists of laughing at him then leaving him to his own devices.

    I will not hold lavish banquets in the middle of a famine. The good PR among the guests doesn't make up for the bad PR among the masses.

    I will funnel some of my ill-gotten gains into urban renewal projects. Although slums add a quaint and picturesque quality to any city, they too often contain unexpected allies for heroes.

    I will never tell the hero "Yes I was the one who did it, but you'll never be able to prove it to that incompetent old fool." Chances are, that incompetant old fool is standing behind the curtain.

    If my mad scientist/wizard tells me he has almost perfected my Superweapon but it still needs more testing, I will wait for him to complete the tests. No one ever conquered the world using a beta version.

    I will not appoint a relative to my staff of advisors. Not only is nepotism the cause of most breakdowns in policy, but it also causes trouble with the EEOC.

    If I appoint someone as my consort, I will not subsequently inform her that she is being replaced by a younger, more attractive woman.

    If I am using the hero's girlfriend as a hostage and am holding her at the point of imminent death when confronting the hero, I will focus on her and not him. He won't try anything with his true love held hostage. On the other hand, the fact that she has been weak, slow-witted, naive and generally useless up to this point has no bearing on her actions at the moment of dramatic climax.

    I will make several ludicrously erroneous maps to secret passages in my fortress and hire travellers to entrust them to aged hermits.

    I will not use hostages as bait in a trap. Unless you're going to use them for negotiation or as human shields, there's no point in taking them.

    I will hire an expert marksman to stand by the entrance to my fortress. His job will be to shoot anyone who rides up to challenge me.

    I will explain to my Legions of Terror that guns are ranged weapons and swords are not. Anyone who attempts to throw a sword at the hero or club him with a gun will be summarily executed.

    I will remember that any vulnerabilities I have are to be revealed strictly on a need-to-know basis. I will also remember that no one needs to know.

    I will not make alliances with those more powerful than myself. Such a person would only double-cross me in my moment of glory. I will make alliances with those less powerful than myself. I will then double-cross them in their moment of glory.

    During times of peace, my Legions of Terror will not be permitted to lie around drinking mead and eating roast boar. Instead they will be required to obey my dietician and my aerobics instructor.

    All giant serpents acting as guardians in underground lakes will be fitted with sports goggles to prevent eye injuries.

    All crones with the ability to prophesy will be given free facelifts, permanents, manicures, and Donna Karan wardrobes. That should pretty well destroy their credibility.

    I will not employ an evil wizard if he has a sleazy mustache.

    I will hire an entire squad of blind guards. Not only is this in keeping with my status as an equal opportunity employer, but it will come in handy when the hero becomes invisible or douses my only light source.

    All repair work will be done by an in-house maintenance staff. Any alleged "repairmen" who show up at the fortress will be escorted to the dungeon.

    When my Legions of Terror park their vehicle to do reconnaissance on foot, they will be instructed to employ The Club.

    Employees will have conjugal visit trailers which they may use provided they call in a replacement and sign out on the timesheet. Given this, anyone caught making out in a closet while leaving their station unmonitored will be shot.

    Members of my Legion of Terror will attend seminars on Sensitivity Training. It's good public relations for them to be kind and courteous to the general population when not actively engaged in sowing chaos and destruction.

    I will not, under any circumstances, marry a woman I know to be a faithless, conniving, back-stabbing witch simply because I am absolutely desperate to perpetuate my family line. Of course, we can still date.

    All guest-quarters will be bugged and monitored so that I can keep track of what the visitors I have for some reason allowed to roam about my fortress are actually plotting.

    If my chief engineer displeases me, he will be shot, not imprisoned in the dungeon or beyond the traps he helped design.

    I will not send out batalions composed wholly of robots or skeletons against heroes who have qualms about killing living beings.

    I will not wear long, heavy cloaks. While they certainly make a bold fashion statement, they have an annoying tendency to get caught in doors or tripped over during an escape.

    If a malignant being demands a sacrificial victim have a particular quality, I will check to make sure said victim has this quality immediately before the sacrifice and not rely on earlier results. (Especially if the quality is virginity and the victim is the hero's girlfriend.)

    If I ever MUST put a digital timer on my doomsday device, I will buy one free from quantum mechanical anomalies. So many brands on the market keep perfectly good time while you're looking at them, but whenever you turn away for a couple minutes then turn back, you find that the countdown has progressed by only a few seconds.

    If my Legions of Terror are defeated in a battle, I will quietly withdraw and regroup instead of launching a haphazard mission to assassinate the hero.

    If I'm wearing the key to the hero's shackles around my neck and his former girlfriend now volunteers to become my mistress and we are all alone in my bedchamber on my bed and she offers me a goblet of wine, I will politely decline the offer.

    I will not pick up a glowing ancient artifact and shout "It's power is now mine!!!" Instead I will grab some tongs, transfer it to a hazardous materials container, and transport it back to my lab for study.

    I will be selective in the hiring of assassins. Anyone who attempt to strike down the hero the first instant his back is turned will not even be considered for the job.

    Whatever my one vulnerability is, I will fake a different one. For example, ordering all mirrors removed from the palace, screaming and flinching whenever someone accidentally holds up a mirror, etc. In the climax when the hero whips out a mirror and thrusts it at my face, my reaction will be "Hmm...I think I need a shave."

    My force-field generators will be located inside the shield they generate.

    I reserve the right to execute any henchmen who appear to be a little too intelligent, powerful, or devious. However if I do so, I will not at some subsequent point shout "Why am I surrounded by these incompetent fools?!"

    I will install a fire extinguisher in every room -- three, if the room contains vital equipment or volatile chemicals.

    I will build machines which simply fail when overloaded, rather than wipe out all nearby henchmen in an explosion or worse yet set off a chain reaction. I will do this by using devices known as "surge protectors".

    I will explain to my guards that most people have their eyes in the front of their heads and thus while searching for someone it makes little sense to draw a weapon and slowly back down the hallway.

    I will have a staff of competent detectives handy. If I learn that someone in a certain village is plotting against me, I will have them find out who rather than wipe out the entire village in a preemptive strike.

    I will never bait a trap with genuine bait.

    If the hero claims he wishes to confess in public or to me personally, I will remind him that a notarized deposition will serve just as well.

    If I have several diabolical schemes to destroy the hero, I will set all of them in motion at once rather than wait for them to fail and launch them successively.

    I will not procrastinate regarding any ritual granting immortality.

    Mythical guardians will be instructed to ask visitors name, purpose of visit, and whether they have an appointment instead of ancient riddles.

    This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any

    way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.


    1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.)

    2. After everything your teacher says, ask why continuously.

    3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask” DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG??” very loudly.

    4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that, simply reply, “wow I can tell you’re a blast at parties”

    5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream “ THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!!”

    6. Flick pieces of paper around the class.

    7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say, “Your racist against paper aren’t you.”

    8. Don’t do your Homework.

    9. When your teacher asks you why you didn’t do your homework say “I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you’re the worst teacher ever.” then sit there and smile sweetly.

    10. When you have a substitute teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name is Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say “PROVE IT!”

    11. When your teacher asks why you were late say, “My goldfish died.” Then burst into tears.

    12. When handing in your homework, write "This paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds." at the bottom.

    13. When you leave the class bow and say, “May the force be with you, young one.”

    14. When the teacher turns the light off, start singing opera as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused.

    15. Whisper to the person next to you. When the teacher comes up behind you, scream “OMG GET AWAY! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!!”

    16. Walk into class dancing the Macarena

    17. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room

    18. Raise your hand and say "I totally agree!" after everything your teacher says

    19. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow

    20. Speak in French.

    21. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume; say there was "a disturbance”

    22. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well

    23. "The homework’s due now? Oh, give me a minute then."

    24. Hand in an essay where every word is misspelt.

    25. Run in the room screaming, “THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”

    26. When the teacher asks you why you are late, say, “The queen is never late, everyone else is simply early."

    27. When a teacher asks you a question, say, “I’m sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you.”

    28. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector, scream “AAH MY EYES!!”

    29. Tell yourself knock-knock jokes, then laugh loads.

    30. Hide under your desk and yell “THE SKY IS FALLING!”

    31. When someone knocks on the door, shout “OH NO, THEY’RE COMING FOR ME!”

    32. Bring in a 4th Grader and says he’s your new pet.

    33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making, say a nuclear bomb.

    34. When your teacher asks you a question, just stare at them.

    35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice.

    36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it.

    37. If you’re playing a really boring game, make a big deal if you win.

    38. Glue all their scissors together.

    39. Make paperclip jewelery. I.e. necklaces, earrings, etc…

    40. Pull out one strand of someone’s hair and yell “DNA!”

    41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says ‘I am retarded’

    42. Talk to a pen.

    43. Put your hand up in a test and wait for your teacher to come over. When they whisper what’s wrong, yell “NO I WON’T MAKE OUT WITH YOU AFTER CLASS!”

    44. Yell “LIAR!” to everything they say.

    45. Smile. All the time.

    46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, IT’S SPREADING!”

    47. When a substitute teacher is taking attendance, say everyone is missing. Then, if they ask who you are, say ‘Your worst Nightmare’

    48. When you know the answer, bounce up and down and go "OOOHH I KNOW THIS!!"

    49. When a teacher calls on you say, "I forgot" to every question she asks.

    50. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favorite song

    When the love of Hermione's life left her, she continued to search for the keys to destroying the world's most powerful dark wizard. When Annabeth knew that she could be losing Percy to Rachel, she still fought along side him in an effort to save Olympus and maybe even save the boy she called her brother even though he had gone to the enemy. When Katniss's love was taken from her she still led the rebellion against the Capitol as the Mockingjay. When the love of Bella's life left her, she curled up in the fetal position, went numb for months then jumped off a cliff.

    You Know You're a Writer When:

    Every time you hear a song, you think of a new story or one you've already written.

    You have the last chapters of a story done before even thinking of the characters names.

    You often imagine your books becoming movies.

    Spell check is your best friend.

    You give even the smallest of characters a huge background, often mentally.

    You hesitate before killing of one of your favorite characters.

    You smile really big when you are going to finally write a character love scene. (Well, it depends on the character...)

    Every time you read something, you make your own story of the same thing.

    You'll spend an hour trying to find one word cause you won't dare use a synonym.

    Not being able to write is like not being able to pee to you... you just can't hold it in for so long.

    You write so fast, you leave out words in a sentence.

    You have to tell at least one person your whole story before it's even written.

    Things that are written badly annoy you and make you want to re-write it better.

    You laugh at jokes you wrote yourself.

    You can spell words like 'troublesome' but can't spell 'the' half the time.

    If you are not writing or typing, your fingers are moving constantly.

    You talk to yourself... constantly.

    You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.

    When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.

    When you have to write some sort of story in class, you get carried away.

    You would rather die than use words like 'good' or 'nice' and etc.

    You put off the last chapter of a story simply because you don't want it to end.

    You start to cry when writing about a death or other depressing event you knew was coming, and you are the one writing it.

    When on a roll, you will ignore hunger, sleepiness, or the urge to pee until you run out of ideas.

    If a story, movie, show, etc. finishes without closure, you have a powerful need to write a suitable ending.

    You like to fidget, tap, or chew on the tip of something when you are trying to come up with a new sentence, paragraph, chapter, or story.

    You are in love with the thesaurus.

    You dream about your stories.

    You dream of new stories.

    You often revisit some of your old stories.

    Someone can call your name twenty times without you hearing if you're writing.

    You would rather talk to the voices in your head than the person sitting next to you.

    You would rather write than go out.

    Your/you're and their/there/they're errors send you into an apoplectic fit.

    You get cranky if you don't get to write.

    You've heard/seen something, and thought, I need to write that down.

    You wake up in the middle of the night and scrabble for a pen and paper you keep next to your bed to write down a scene to make the voices be quiet so you can get some sleep.

    Getting the scene finished is more important than coffee, the bathroom, or food.

    A blank wall becomes the screen where the scene you're writing takes place right in front of your eyes.

    You can't write because you're mad at one of your characters.

    Following up on the previous statement, the feeling is often mutual.

    You start to laugh out loud in public at what something your character might say.

    Even though you try your hardest to resist, you often correct your own grammar on IM.

    You talk to yourself about talking to yourself too much.

    Your family/friends have come to the ignore the habit of your talking to yourself.

    You've apologized out loud to a character after doing something horrible to them.

    After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that which comes from above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs..."

    You live off sugar and caffeine.

    People think you're insane.

    You think you're insane.

    You check your e-mail every day of the week one week, and then disappear off the face of the earth the next.

    Your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

    When replying to an e-mail, you never actually address the point of it.

    No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

    The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

    The letters on your keyboard are splattered with nail polish and/or food from all of those times you were too lazy to get up.

    Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

    People think you have ADD.

    You think it'd be cool to have ADD.

    You constantly start talking in the third person, present or past tense.

    You start thinking about making lists like this and start laughing for no "apparent" reason.

    Your friends stopped looking at you funny a loooooooong time ago.

    However, the above does not apply to the general public.

    You failed English 101.

    My Mother...

    1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

    2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

    3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

    4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
    "Because I said so, that's why."

    5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
    "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

    6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
    "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

    7. My mother taught me IRONY.
    "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

    8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

    9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
    "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

    10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
    "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

    11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

    12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

    13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

    14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
    "Stop acting like your father!"

    15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

    16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    "Just wait until we get home."

    17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
    "You are going to get it when you get home!"

    18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

    19. My mother taught me ESP.
    "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

    20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
    "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

    21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
    "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

    22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
    "You're just like your father."

    23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
    "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

    24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
    "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

    25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
    "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

    Girls Don't Realize These Things...

    I'm sorry
    that I bought you roses
    to tell you that I like you

    I'm sorry
    That my body's not ripped enough
    to "satisfy" your wants

    I'm sorry
    that I open your car door,
    and pull out your chair like I was raised

    I'm sorry
    That I'm not cute enough
    to be "your guy"

    I'm sorry
    That I am actually nice;
    not a jerk

    I'm sorry
    I don't have a huge bank account
    to buy you expensive things

    I'm sorry
    I like to spend quality nights at home
    cuddling with you, instead of at a club

    I'm sorry
    I would rather make love to you then just screw you
    like some random guy.

    I'm sorry
    That I am always the one you need to talk to,
    but never good enough to date

    I'm sorry
    That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
    but when we went out you went home with another guy

    I'm sorry
    That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
    but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

    I'm sorry
    If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

    I'm sorry
    If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

    I'm sorry
    that you can't realize... I've been the one all along

    I'm sorry
    If you read this and know somebody like this
    but don't care

    But most of all

    I'm sorry
    For not being sorry anymore

    I'm sorry
    That you can't accept me for who I am

    I'm sorry
    I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
    enough to make it in your world

    I'm sorry
    I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

    I'm sorry
    That I told you I loved you and actually meant it

    I'm sorry
    That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family

    I'm sorry
    That I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different

    I'm sorry
    That I cared

    Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with idiots who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
    Because maybe the person you are searching for has always been by your side.

    If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm Sorry'

    If you're one of the few girls with enough GUTS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'

    This is so true...

    When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind.

    When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.

    When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around.

    When a girl answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.

    When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.

    When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

    When a girl wants to see you every day, she wants to be pampered.

    When a girl says "I love you" she means it.

    When a girl says "I miss you" nobody could miss you more than that.

    Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person.

    Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, and calls you back when you hang up on him.

    The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

    Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,

    Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

    The one who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him.

    The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her."

    FANFICTION –– UNITED NATIONS!! Has anyone else noticed how a lot of us get along and make friends on here and we can be from completely different countries? WTH!? We're here making world peace on the INTERNET and we have all those ambassadors and senators and whatever struggling with it!! If you realize this (or read this and agreed) copy and paste this and add your name and country (country is optional) to the list. SPREAD THE PEACE!!: Naruto-fan-Okami-chan (USA), NaraTemari011 (Puerto Rico), Lala girl in Lalaland (USA), Kakashi Forever (England), NinjasWillRuleTheWorld (Australia), Shadowtheangel (Sweden), Ice Prince Hitsugaya (USA), Gaara of the Desert564 (USA), RebeccaUlquiorraCifer23 (USA), TheCursedOne (Colombia), Wereninja(USA), DarkHorseBlueSky (USA) Victoire Collins(USA)

    92% of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this into your profile if you are among the 8% who would be laughing their butts off.

    90% of the teenage population would die if MySpace had a system failure and was completely and permanently destroyed. If you are among the 10% who would be laughing (or had hacked the site in the first place and would be reclining in a chair with a proud smirk on your face), copy and paste this into your profile.

    95% of teens would panic if Edward Cullen was on a 250-foot building, ready to jump. Copy and paste this if you are among the 5% who would be eating popcorn and shouting, "DO A FLIP!"

    97% of teens would scream their heads off if Harry Potter was standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump. If you are among the 3% who would be chanting, "Jump, jump, jump..." put this into your profile.

    95% of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are among the 5% who could not care less, put this into your profile and add your name to the list: Queen S of Randomness 016, Queen B of Randomness 016, AnimieKittyCaffe, The Gypsy Pirate Queen, That Bloody Demon, The Astrology Nerd, Shadow 929, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Yavie Aelienel, Hyperactively Bored, Spymaster E, Shanny-Boo, Gem W, Brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, Bara-Minomoto, Em Quagmire, Buffy The Mary-Sue Slayer, Random Little Writer, Larxene II, TeamStarKidPotter, DarkAngel382, Olives-and-Owls, Daughterofthehunt, DarkHorseBlueSky

    93% of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're among the 7% who would laugh and reply with the question, "What was your first clue?", copy and paste this into your profile.

    98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're among the 2% who hasn't, copy and paste this into your profile.

    95% of girls would cry uncontrollably if Justin Beiber was kidnapped. Copy and paste this into your profile if you would be among the 5% who would be poking your new prisoner with a sharp stick!

    65% of teenagers spend more time watching TV rather than reading. If you are among the 35% percent who read more than watch TV, copy and paste this into your profile.

    15% of every high school population is considered "popular". 20% are desperate to become a part of the popular 15%. 20% couldn't care less. 15% realize that popularity doesn't matter. 10% are too busy worrying about their grades to care. 5% are goths, another 5% can speak another language fluently, and yet another 5% are too stupid to realize that no one likes them. If you are a part of the 5% who think the 'unpopular' 85% should rebel against the popular 15%, copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., DigiDestined of Balance, Kimiko Heroux, luv2write and laugh, Souigintou, DarkHorseBlueSky, Victoire Collins.

    The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."

    The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was black. When I grew up I was black. When I'm sick I'm black. When I go in the sun I'm black. When I'm cold I'mblack. When I die I'll be black.
    "But you, sir, when you're born you're pink. When you grow up you're white. When you're sick, you're green. When you go in the sun you turn red. When you're cold you turn blue. And when you die you turn purple. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"

    The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...


    Dear bullies,

    See that boy doing his homework in homeroom? Last night he talked his friend out of suicide.

    See that girl you just called fat? She is starving herself.

    See that old man you made fun of because of his ugly scars? He fought for our country.

    See that young boy you just made fun of for always being sick? He has to walk home in the snow because his family is too poor.

    See that girl you made fun of for wearing too much makeup? You made fun of her for not wearing it too.

    See that boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. He doesn't need more at school.

    See that guy you just made fun of for crying? He found out that his mother is terminally ill.

    See that boy you just called stupid? He has disabilities and studies for hours and hours every night.

    See that girl you just called ugly? She spends every cent of her money on clothes and makeup, just so people will like her.

    There's a lot more to people than you see on the outside.

    Post this on your profile if you're against bullying, anywhere and everywhere.

    I bet a lot of you won't.

    The one who smiles the most is the one who's the most broken.

    The one who fights the most is the one who wants to find peace.

    The one who encourages others is the one who always feels useless.

    The one who seems insane is the one who is just following a life no one else understands, or will ever believe.
    Nor do they want to.

    Not everything is as it seems.

    Remember that

    You stay up for 16 hours.
    We stay up for days on end.

    You take a warm shower to help you wake up.
    We go a week without running water.

    You complain of a 'headache' and call in sick.
    We get shot at as others are hit and we keep moving forward.

    You talk about your buddies that aren't with you.
    We know we may never see any of ours again.

    You complain about how hot it is.
    We wear our heavy gear, not daring to take off our helmet to wipe our forehead.

    You get mad at your waiter for getting your order wrong.
    We dont get to eat today.

    You're mad that class got held over 5 minutes.
    We're told we will be held over an extra 2 months.

    You roll your eyes when your baby cries.
    He gets a letter with pictures of his new baby and wonders if they'll ever meet.

    Copy and paste this if you support your country's (or any country's) troops.

    Month one
    I am only 8 inches long
    but I have all my organs.
    I love the sound of your voice.
    Every time I hear it
    I wave my arms and legs.
    The sound of your heart beat
    is my favorite lullaby.

    Month Two
    today I learned how to suck my thumb.
    If you could see me
    you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
    I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
    It is so nice and warm in here.

    Month Three
    You know what Mommy
    I'm a boy!
    I hope that makes you happy.
    I always want you to be happy.
    I don't like it when you cry.
    You sound so sad.
    It makes me sad too
    and I cry with you even though
    you can't hear me.

    Month Four
    my hair is starting to grow.
    It is very short and fine
    but I will have a lot of it.
    I spend a lot of my time exercising.
    I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
    and stretch my arms and legs.
    I am becoming quite good at it too.

    Month Five
    You went to the doctor today.
    Mommy, he lied to you.
    He said that I'm not a baby.
    I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
    I think and feel.
    Mommy, what's abortion?

    Month Six
    I can hear that doctor again.
    I don't like him.
    He seems cold and heartless.
    Something is intruding my home.
    The doctor called it a needle.
    Mommy what is it? It burns!
    Please make him stop!
    I can't get away from it!
    Mommy! HELP me!

    Month Seven
    I am okay.
    I am in Jesus's arms.
    He is holding me.
    He told me about abortion.
    Why didn't you want me Mommy?

    Every abortion is . . .
    One more heart that was stopped.
    Two more eyes that will never see.
    Two more hands that will never touch.
    Two more legs that will never run.
    One more mouth that will never speak.

    If you're against abortion, re-post this.

    Don't be afraid to cry.

    If you are like me and think abortions are cruel, wrong, and should become illegal, copy and paste this into your profile. No child deserves to die.

    This is a true story:

    Her dad was a drunk

    Her mom was an addict

    Her parents kept her

    Locked in an attic

    Her only friend was a little toy bear

    It was old and worn out

    And had patches of hair

    She always talked to it

    When no one's around

    She lays there and hugs it

    Not a peep of sound

    Until her parents unlock the door

    Some more and more pain

    She'll have to endure

    A bruise on her leg

    A scar on her face

    Why would she be

    In such a horrible place?

    But she grabs her bear

    And softly cries

    She loves her parents

    But they want her to die

    She sits in the corner

    Quiet but thinking,

    "Please God, why is

    My life always sinking?"

    Such a bad life

    For a sad little kid

    She'd get beaten and beaten

    For anything she did

    Then one night

    Her mom came home high

    And the poor child was beaten

    As hours went by

    Then her mom suddenly

    Grabbed for a blade

    It was sharp and pointy

    One that she made

    She thrusted the blade

    Right in her chest,

    "You deserve to die

    You worthless piece of s!"

    The mom walked out

    Leaving the girl slowly dying

    She grabbed her bear

    And again started crying

    Police showed up

    At the small little house

    Then quickly barged in

    Everything quiet as a mouse

    One officer slowly

    Opened a door

    To find the little girl

    Lying dead on the floor

    It must have been bad

    To go through so much harm

    But at least she died

    With her best friend in her arms

    (add this to your profile if you're against child abuse)

    Don't be afraid to cry

    Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school

    He told his friends that it was cool

    And when he pulled the trigger back

    It shot with a great crack

    Mummy I was a good girl

    I did what I was told

    I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold

    But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye

    I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry

    When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another

    And all because he got the gun from his older brother

    Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much

    And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush

    And tell my little sister that she is the only one now

    And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now

    And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best

    Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest

    Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class

    And never to forget this and please don't let this pass

    Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this

    Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss

    And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try

    I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry

    Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest

    But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest

    Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack

    Mummy listen to me if you would

    I wanted to go to college

    I wanted to try things that were new

    I guess I'm not going with daddy

    On that trip to the new zoo

    I wanted to get married

    I wanted to have a kid

    I wanted to be an actress

    Mummy I wanted to live

    But mummy I must go now

    The time is getting late

    Mummy tell my Chris I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date

    I love you mummy I always have I know you know it's true

    Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"

    In memory of all of the students that have been lost

    Please if you would

    Pass this around

    I'd be happy if you could

    Don't smash this on the ground

    If you pass this on

    Maybe people will cry

    Just keep this in heart

    For the people that didn't get to say goodbye

    Now you have two choices

    1) repost

    2) ignore it

    Please just copy and paste this on to your profile and show that you care

    When you carry a Bible, the devil gets a headache.

    When you open it, he collapses.

    When he sees you reading it, he faints.

    When he sees you living it, he flees.

    And just when you’re about to re-post this, he will try to discourage you.

    I just defeated him.

    Like, Copy, & Paste this if you’re in God's Army :)

    Really Random Joke:

    A man went out to buy a horse. He found one that he liked, but then the man who was selling the horse said, "This horse is special. This horse is a Christian horse."

    "How so?" asked the man.

    "Well," explained the seller, "when you want him to go, you have to say 'praise the Lord'. And when you want him to stop, you have to say 'amen'."

    "Okay," said the man, and paid for the horse.

    When he went home to ride the horse, he got on. "Giddyup!" he said, but nothing happened. Then he remembered the horse seller's words, and then said to the horse, "Praise the Lord."

    Immediately the horse took off in a gallop. The man hung on for dear life as the horse sped away, and gasped when he saw a steep, high cliff fast approaching. "Whoa!" he shouted. The horse just kept going. Then the man remembered what the horse seller had said, and commanded the horse, "Amen!"

    The horse skidded to a stop a mere two feet away from the cliff's edge. The man was so overjoyed that, without thinking, he shouted, "Praise the Lord!"


    [X] You’ve never done illegal drugs. (Nope. Drugs are not very appealing to me)
    [X] You have a lot of friends.
    [X ] You get along with everyone.
    [ ] You haven’t made fun of someone for at least two months. (I make fun of everyone and everything all the time)
    [X] You love soccer. (I don't love it but I like it.)
    [ ] You love baseball.
    [X] You’re into writing and art.
    [X] Favorite music genre is pop rock.
    [X] You believe in “innocent until proven guilty” theory.(It has never applied to me)
    [X] One of your favorite colors is red or gold. (Gold
    [X] Good grades at school. (Yes...most of the time...I guess)
    [ ] One of the worst things you can do is lie. (I'm a great liar)
    [X] You plan on going to college/university.

    TOTAL: 10


    [X] You’re content with mostly everything in your life right now.
    [X] You laugh a lot. (Sarcastic laughs most of the time)
    [ ] You like to follow trends.
    [ ] Politics suck. ( I actually like them)
    [ ] You love to swim.
    [ ] Water polo is awesome.
    [ ] Pink is one of your favorite colors. (Never)
    [ ] Black is morbid & depressing.
    [ ] You’re an optimist.
    [X] You’re completely straight edged. (As for right now, I don't drink, do drugs or smoke...)
    [ ] You’re very emotional.
    [ ] Rap, R&B, & hip-hop is your favorite music genre. (Hufflepuffs love Rap, R&B and hip-hop?)
    [ ] You don’t believe in going steady at a young age.
    [X] You’ve made fun of at least one person this week.( Like ten just today.)

    TOTAL: 4


    [ ] You’re depressed to a certain extent.
    [X] You love to read.
    [X] You appreciate theatre & arts.
    [ ] Sports suck.
    [X] You’re shy. (Sometimes and only with certain people.)
    [X] Loyalty is the MOST important thing in a relationship.
    [ ] Hate is completely unneeded.
    [ ] Indie is your favorite genre of music.
    [X] Every once in awhile you have little anger outburst. ( More than every once in a awhile.)
    [X] Lying is sometimes okay.
    [X] Blue is one of your favorite colors.
    [ ] Serious is better than funny. (!)

    TOTAL: 7


    [X] There’s at least one person you hate. (English teacher, the person who sits besides me in History, some of my cousins, my exboyfriend new girlfriend... the list keeps going.)
    [ ] Basketball is a good sport.
    [ ] Football is amazing. (I HATE FOOTBALL!)
    [X] Black is a cool color. (Makes you look thinner... or in my case, almost anorexic)
    [X] You’ve lied about something serious.
    [ ] You’re a very deep person. (Like the awesome Caroline Forbes said, "I'm shallow. I am worse than shallow. I'm a kiddie pool.")
    [ ] You have considered suicide.
    [X] Very loyal.
    [ ] You like metal.
    [X] They make school seem more important than it is. (Parenrents, teachers...)
    [X] You’re scared to grow up. (I' DON'T WANT TO BE OLD!)
    [ ] You’ve done drugs in the past month.
    [X] Anger is one of your primary feelings. (Depends on the situation.)
    [X] You have trust issues.
    [X] Guilty until proven innocent.(That applies for me.)

    TOTAL: 9

    ] You would do anything to protect your family.( Not everything)
    [x] You have good aim.
    [ ] You hate cats.
    [x] You aren’t fond of people in general.
    [x] You hate being indebted to people.

    [x] You hold grudges.

    [x] You wouldn’t describe yourself as a warm, friendly person—you’ve got about as much charm as a dead slug.
    [x] When you sing, the birds fall silent.
    [x] You’re an artist.
    ] You love to bake.( Nope. Cooking is not for me)
    ] You can decorate well.
    [x] Manipulating people comes naturally for you.
    [x] You’re clever.
    ] Your favorite color is orange.
    [x] People tend to be charmed by you.
    ] You’re a hopeless romantic.
    ] You have a strong sense of self.
    [x] You question everything. Pretty much...
    [x] You’re very defiant.
    [x] You’re spontaneous.
    ] You’re a rebel with a cause.
    ] You would do absolutely anything for justice.
    [x] You like "secrets".
    ] You like sugar cubes.
    ] Others often describe you as sexy or gorgeous.
    ] You’re a skilled swimmer.
    [x] When you’re anxious, your hands have to be occupied—with knots or something of that nature. (Usually practicing piano movements)
    [x] You’re very popular, but don’t want to be.
    ] You’re protective.
    ] You’re innocent. (Jaja Good joke.)
    ] You adore animals.
    ] You love helping people in need.
    ] People seem to be fond of you.
    [x] Over time you’ve become quite wise.
    ] You are nurturing.
    [x] You’re creative.
    [x] You root for the underdog.
    [x] You dress simply.
    [x] You stand up for your cause.
    [x] Your hair is simple and easily manageable. (Most of the time, but when it's cloudy it c¿becomes a huge mess.)
    [x] You tend to have brilliant ideas.
    ] You’re materialistic.
    ] You’ve dyed your hair a wild colour.
    ] You’re somewhat naive.
    ] You’re chirpy.
    [x] You’re punctual and hate lateness.
    [x] Etiquette is important to you.
    [x] You’re very sarcastic. (Noo...(Insert sarcastic tone here.))
    ] You get drunk often.
    [x] People might find you condescending. (In the negative way.)
    [x] Outsmarting others is a talent of yours. (Specially when I found that person completely annoying.)
    ] You’re very lonely.
    [x] You’re a bold, gutsy person.
    [x] People might call you crazy.
    [x] You want things to be fair.
    ] You’ve had a rough time in life.
    [x] You really don’t like most people.
    [x] You don’t like being in water. (Scuba diving and biggest fears)
    [x] You love music.
    [x] You’re small and graceful.
    [x] You hum often.
    [x] You inspire others.
    ] You’re always hungry.
    [x] People underestimate you.

    "Only The Small Mind Keeps Order. A Genius Rules The Chaos"

    The Hardest Questions

    What is time?

    What is light?

    What is a person?

    If you think you can answer these, then you haven't answered them correctly.

    If you've gotten to this point and have read my entire profile, then kudos to you. Also, for you, the patience award. Now get on with it and read my story.

    Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

    I Dare You by shadowsontherun reviews
    6 months into their bipolar partnership, Black Widow and Hawkeye are still trying to figure each other out. Coming from completely different worlds they work through missions that define who and what they are to each other. Set 9 years before "Avengers", watch Clint and Natasha build a partnership to surpass all others.
    Avengers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 153 - Words: 678,509 - Reviews: 4371 - Favs: 779 - Follows: 827 - Updated: 7/30 - Published: 1/16/2013 - Hawkeye/Clint B., Black Widow/Natasha R.
    Graceland by Juliet's Shadow reviews
    Annie was a medical subject, Finnick was a sex slave, Peeta was beat until he lost his leg, Johanna was molested, Katniss was abandoned and Gale's mother was a drug addict. These six teens have suffered so much through life and the place that provides them sanctuary might not be where safety truly is found. Modern Day Story. **Complete**
    Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 41 - Words: 121,027 - Reviews: 912 - Favs: 234 - Follows: 216 - Updated: 3/28/2016 - Published: 6/19/2013 - Finnick O., Annie C., Katniss E., Peeta M. - Complete
    Triplets (Original) by goldie031 reviews
    Katniss and Peeta have faced two straight Hunger Games, a war, and two pregnancies. But now, they must face something even more difficult. Triplets. Rated T just to be safe.
    Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 21 - Words: 41,204 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 81 - Updated: 12/23/2015 - Published: 6/26/2012 - Katniss E., Peeta M., Katniss & Peeta's son, Katniss & Peeta's daughter
    Worse Games to Play by Belmione reviews
    "In this moment I'm not sure how I've said no to him for fifteen years. Peeta Mellark hasn't smiled like that since the day on the rooftop of the Training Center before the Quarter Quell." My take on Katniss's decision to have children with Peeta.
    Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 164,524 - Reviews: 2167 - Favs: 1,843 - Follows: 1,983 - Updated: 12/1/2015 - Published: 3/11/2012 - Katniss E., Peeta M.
    Nightlock by The Girl on the Barricade reviews
    Foxface never died. She was determined to live after eating the poisonous berries. And she lived in the arena, until someone stumbles upon her that will change her life. Looks like there were three victors from the 74th annual Hunger Games...
    Hunger Games - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 13,029 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 3/24/2015 - Published: 5/7/2012 - Foxface
    Princess of District Twelve by phoenixrider66 reviews
    " In Seventy-four years, we've had exactly two victors, only one is still alive"- Katniss, The Hunger Games. We all know Haymitch was the second...but who was the first? What happened to her? Finally, the story of Odette will be told. The story of the very first victor of District Twelve, winner of the Twenty-fifth Hunger games
    Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 33 - Words: 54,741 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 7/11/2014 - Published: 6/25/2013 - Haymitch A., Katniss E., Peeta M., Pres. Snow - Complete
    Eradication by Mocking Verse reviews
    "The Victors, they all think they're invincible." Another Victor. Another plan. Another ending. Finnick Odair and Steller Mere are forced together, their mission: stop Katniss Everdeen. The only problem: they hate each other. Finnick Odair/OC
    Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 43 - Words: 104,721 - Reviews: 133 - Favs: 162 - Follows: 126 - Updated: 3/26/2014 - Published: 4/21/2013 - Katniss E., Peeta M., Other tributes, Finnick O. - Complete
    Growing Up in Victors Village by Izzie475 reviews
    Somebody once told me that if you're a victors kid its shape up or ship out. They're dead right. I'm going to have to prove myself I'm the youngest ever. They're the most experienced ever. Its Grow Up or Admit Death. Welcome to the 3rd (alternate) Quarter Quell. (The main character is not Prim btw) TRIBUTE SPACES.
    Hunger Games - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 6 - Words: 5,336 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 2/19/2014 - Published: 9/7/2013 - Katniss E., Prim E., Peeta M., Other tributes
    The Greatest Sacrifices by Ronja-R reviews
    Catching Fire AU. Katniss discovers that she's pregnant after the Victory Tour and finds a way to save the baby from the Hunger Games. Story completed!
    Hunger Games - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 21 - Words: 237,911 - Reviews: 514 - Favs: 579 - Follows: 473 - Updated: 2/13/2014 - Published: 3/4/2013 - Katniss E., Peeta M. - Complete
    A Year of Hunger Games by Foxface'sSpecialPie reviews
    A year without THG would be torture. Luckily for you, I will be posting a chapter everyday. Enjoy. *Took place in 2013. Now complete*
    Hunger Games - Rated: K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 366 - Words: 87,564 - Reviews: 1635 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 12/31/2013 - Published: 1/1/2013 - Complete
    Hunger Games The Musical by Forfun100 reviews
    Some scenes from the hunger games put to music. Have you ever had an idea, Like a brain child, that wouldn't stop bugging you? This is a result of that. So I'll say humor. But you know maybe it won't be... Nah! XD
    Hunger Games - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 12,895 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 11/16/2013 - Published: 2/3/2013 - Katniss E., Peeta M. - Complete
    A Gamemaker at Eleven by Beatles4ever8 reviews
    Prequel to "The Lesser of Two Evils". Athena is eleven now, and accepts an offer to become a Gamemaker for the 74th Annual Hunger Games. Can she fight for Katniss, Peeta, and Rue's lives without getting caught being biased? "The Hunger Games" in Athena's POV. First in a series of three.
    Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,338 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 10/9/2013 - Published: 7/6/2013 - President Snow’s grandaughter, Katniss E., Peeta M., Rue
    Precious by Forfun100 reviews
    What is the ultimate price? Most think it's death, I disagree. It is much easier to die, no repercussions. It is easier to die than to sell your soul, or to be beaten and ridiculed. What is the ultimate sacrifice? My name is Katniss Everdeen and I think I've just found out... After the Games Snow has only just begun to use his little tributes, what more could he have in store?
    Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 21 - Words: 53,750 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 9/30/2013 - Published: 4/13/2013 - Katniss E., Mrs. E., Peeta M. - Complete
    The Plot of Twilight in 150 Words or Less by thecatclouder reviews
    What the title says. The plot of all five parts of the Twilight saga, one per chapter, each under 150 words. Well, you might have guessed by the genre that this is another humour/parody story. Interested yet? Read on!
    Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 1,877 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 9/29/2013 - Published: 8/20/2013 - Bella, Edward, Jacob, James - Complete
    The Careers - Analysis by thecatclouder reviews
    For tributes that had trained all their lives they certainly went down rather easily... mostly killed by Katniss the Magnificent herself. Want a simple analysis of the details. Read here... don't forget to comment.
    Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,158 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 9/4/2013 - Published: 9/2/2013 - Cato, Brutus, Gloss, Marvel - Complete
    They Fight Back by NeverMessWithTeddyBears reviews
    She doesn't think it'll last - twenty-four people working together - but, it was her idea and if someone has to be optimistic, it's her. AU.
    Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,773 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 5 - Published: 8/20/2013 - Katniss E., Other tributes - Complete
    What was there left? by Ezra Scarlet reviews
    An alternate ending to the Hunger games. "Slowly, she raised her bow to shoulder level, the action seeming to take forever. All Katniss could hear were the voices of those two, sad little girls, and the promises she had given them both. She had to win, she had promised, she had to kill him. She had to kill Peeta." Just a short oneshot, something I had to do for English class.
    Hunger Games - Rated: K - English - Angst/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 655 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Published: 8/18/2013 - Katniss E., Peeta M. - Complete
    How the Breaking Dawn Plot Could Have Been Solved Within Minutes by thecatclouder reviews
    Exactly what the title says. Seriously, the final fight scene, although there was no actual fight, was dramatic, but there were so many simpler ways that it could have gone down. The main plot of Breaking Dawn could have been solved, literally, within minutes.
    Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,342 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 7 - Published: 8/9/2013 - Alice, Aro, Bella, Carlisle - Complete
    20 Things You're Not Allowed To Do In The Arena by Spaidel reviews
    Ahmed Adoodie and Joy Kil found a list of '20 Things You're Not Allowed To Do In The Arena'. And, of course, they decided to do everything written on that list.
    Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 7 - Words: 8,132 - Reviews: 385 - Favs: 123 - Follows: 147 - Updated: 9/9/2012 - Published: 6/28/2012 - Other tributes
    A Widow Nesting by nikonic reviews
    Life throws the Avengers' resident assassins for a little loop; a story in which we see how the newly minted Avengers Tower handles a pint-sized assassin baby. Hawkeye/Black Widow established relationship, all Avengers included at one point. Rated for language
    Avengers - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 69,177 - Reviews: 320 - Favs: 598 - Follows: 356 - Updated: 8/8/2012 - Published: 6/30/2012 - Black Widow/Natasha R., Hawkeye/Clint B. - Complete
    A different person, same games reviews
    What if Katniss wasn't the one who volunteered for Prim? What if they had an adoptive sister? What will happen during the 74th Hunger Games? And during the Quarter Quell? What will happen with the rebellion? What will Snow think about her? Everything started with a bomb, will eveything finish the same way?
    Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 45 - Words: 59,876 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 9/3/2014 - Published: 3/15/2013