quotes, sayings (etc.) that make me smile
If you fall, I’ll be there. – The floor
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Facebook is like Jail, you sit around and waste time, you write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know!
You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
If you try to fail and succeed, which one did you do?
In a world of cheerios, be a frootloop
We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!
Everyone is beautiful on the inside. If you think bones and guts are beautiful.
Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep on talking
At this moment, you're the oldest you've ever been. Pretty deep huh?
Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.
If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense
There is no great genius without a mixture of madness.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded
Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years.
“I didn’t do it!” … “Then why are you laughing?” … “because whoever did it is a freaking genius”
Sharks aren’t so bad… If a stranger entered into my house wearing only Speedos, I would probably attack him too!
Nothing is really lost, until your Mom can’t find it
Liking your own status is like giving yourself a high five in public.
If someone calls you a crazy freak, just thank them. Nothing throws people off like a proud, polite crazy freak!
Be honest, if people could hear what you are thinking, you would be in a mental hospital.
Evening news is where they begins with “Good evening”, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places.
Asking a bookworm to name their favourite book is like asking a mother to pick a favourite child...
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
Silence is golden . . . duct tape is silver
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film
It's always the last place you look...well of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it
Flying is not inherently dangerous--crashing is
DEATH: the number 1 killer in the U.K... tell your friends.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
There's nothing wrong with talking to random objects. It's when they start to talk back that you need to worry
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
If the dark side has cookies and the light side has chocolate, does the middle have chocolate cookies? Go Middle!!
Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised that we lied about having cookies?
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.
There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.
A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."
When in doubt, push random buttons
Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Isn't it funny how people who want quiet are always the loudest telling people to shut up?
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Last night I was laying in bed, looking up at the stars and I thought . . . WHERE THE HECK IS THE CEILING?
A day without sunshine is like... night.
Don't knock at Death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls
“Beware of the deadly donky, falling from the sky' you can choose the way you live,my friend, but not the way you die.”