Poll: If Harry Potter was to be a child of the Olympian Gods, who would be his parent? Vote Now!
Author has written 1 story for X-overs, and Harry Potter.
Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dyslexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
My first thought when I woke up this morning was, 'Fanfiction'! My second thought was, 'Kriff/Dang it/Darn, it's Monday morning'.
The 68 Rules of Middle Earth
1. Never be at the receiving end of a Wizard's staff. You'll end up with bruises or otherwise.
2. Balrogs: never take an Istari lightly. It will be your undoing.
3. Nazgul: Don't challenge a she-elf, who's bearing a Halfling if:
a) She has a sword
b) Can most likely use mentioned sword
c) Is in a supposedly trickling stream
d) Knows how to command supposed stream
4. Never underestimate Strider's hearing.
5. Don't snore if Strider is within hitting range. Especially if you're in Lothlorien and the elves are singing a lament.
6. It's never a good idea to play with the Urak-Hai. Especially if they're looking for Hobbits.
7. To many lembas = stinky boat. Seriously Pippin?
8. Or shield-maidens of Rohan for that matter.
9. Never try to steal Legolas' horse. Or any other elven horse, while we're on the subject.
10. Careful who you call 'pointy-eared'. You might end up with an arrow between your eyes next time, instead of your legs.
11. Just because it's a few decades old doesn't mean that it's not sharp. I won't even go on...
12. Falling off a cliff into a raging river has never been a good idea.
13. Trying to steal Bilbo's silver spoons.
14. Please don't overdo it with Ent-water. Height doesn't always matter.
15. Speaking of Ents, NEVER EVER underestimate their strength and endurance. Especially if they are angry.
16. Never ask Gandalf how old he is. He'll probably give you a riddle. Or not answer at all.
17. Never give up hope if Aragorn's around. It will end up with you rallying or men and riding out to meet the army amassed at your front door.
18. Never tell a wizard he is late. He'll just tell you that he's always on time.
19. Sometimes smoking isn't the best idea when you are in a meeting. You might choke on the smoke.
20. Aragorn was named Estel for a reason. Don't tell him he shouldn't be King of Gondor.
21. Just because someone appears dead, doesn't mean that they are. Make sure before you try to torch them.
22. Don't turn your back after a Balrog falls off a bridge. Make sure they have at least fallen a few thousand feet, before you do.
23. Don't ask Gandalf if he ever loses his pointy hat. He doesn't.
24. Who says that mushrooms have addled Radagast's brain? He seems perfectly fine to me.
25. Just because you are at the head of the White Council, doesn't necessarily mean that you are the most powerful person in Arda. News flash Saurman: You're not.
26. Looks can be deceiving. Gandalf isn't as frail as he appears.
27. Gandalf can bark and bite. So be careful.
28. Never steal Legolas' shampoo
29. Or his conditioner. Seriously, don't try it. Ever.
30. Almost being discovered by Easterlings wasn't the greatest idea, Frodo.
31. Staying hidden at a secret council was the idea. Joining the Quest wasn't. (At first, anyway...)
32. I thought that Wizards could solve any riddle. Apparently not...
33. Next time Pippin, be careful which skeleton you touch. I wouldn't advise one holding the bucket, sitting on the edge of a well.
34. Not bringing shaving items was a great idea, Aragorn! (No sarcasm)
35. Or his hair gel. You know what?! Just don't even try to steal Legolas' hair stuff! Period!
36. You might want to check who's at the door before you yell, "No thank you! We don't want any more visitors, well-wishers or distant relations!"
37. Never ask a Wizard the exact time they will show up. They will almost never show when we would like them to.
38. Never say "My precioussssssss." You would probably have a lot of people wanting you, well...
39. You probably would want to watch your back if Isuldir has the One Ring.
40. How about checking if there are any captives before you attack?!
41. Frodo, a Wizard will rarely, if ever, tell you his secrets.
42. Barely involved Gandalf? *snorts* Oh yeah, sure. Like that's true. Not.
43. I didn't know that throwing half of your quiver away while fighting a dragon was a good idea. Maybe I'll try it sometime!
44. Ice isn't always as strong as it looks, Thorin.
45. Whoever said that dwarves and elves never get along, period, obviously had never heard of possibilities. There's always hope! (or Estel for that mater)
46. Oh, come on Sam! Don't be shy!
47. Maybe someone should guard the fireworks if Merry and Pippin are around. :)
48. Never call Denthor mad. Call him insane and then run.
49. What did Gandalf say about the Plantir, Pippin? Do NOT touch it!
50. Never leave your shield behind at camp. You actually might survive a battle.
51. Mushrooms. Always the downfall of Hobbits. Literally.
52. Never play the drinking game with an elf. He'll win.
53. Just because you don't sink in the the snow, doesn't necessarily mean that you can't be buried under it.
54. Talk about bringing down a mountain. Geez, Saurman.
55. Don't throw rocks in the water. Seriously. You might regret it.
56. Careful who you insult. The horse lords of Rohan can be easily aggravated.
57. Always know your directions before you set out from Rivendell.
58. Make sure there aren't any dragons in the vicinity before you begin to collect gold. You might save a whole lot of people the trouble of slaying one.
59. Beware of the gold a dragon has long brooded on.
60. Don't awaken live dragons.
61. NEVER assume an enemy is dead. Sauron, Azog, The Nazgul (Sam thought they where dead in the Dead Marshes scene), Gollum (he fell in Shelob's lair then reappeared at Mount Doom), am I missing anyone?
62. Never trust Gollum.
63. Never say 'good morning' to an Ent. By the time they answer, it'll be night time.
64. Same goes for 'good night'.
65. Never underestimate Dwarves. They have relatives, and ravens.
66. If you think you're winning/losing, always expect a surprise army to arrive at the last moment. :)
67. Never hum and/or sing, 'We're off to the wizard' song around Gandalf, Radagast, or Saurman. Results: You don't want to know.
68. Never underestimate the stubbornness of dwarves.
And now... Anime Physics! (Gotta agree with this:))
The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die...
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are
#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a
#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly
#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any
#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of
#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form
#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The
#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood,
#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at
#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and
#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...
#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little
#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost
#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles,
#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly
#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of
#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate
#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of
#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are
#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is
#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and
#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable
#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing,
#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good
#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an
#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is
#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely
#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get
#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal
#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it
#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.
#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a
#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the
#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy
#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some
#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or
#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will
#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are
#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws
52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters
#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.
#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald,
#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and
#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons
#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of
#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance,
#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition
#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s
#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an
#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years
#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the
#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be
#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the
#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-
#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the
#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the
#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any
#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a
#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male
#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head
#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to
#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When
#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can
#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a
#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick
#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST
#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial
#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is
#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if
#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a
#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become
#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed
#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire
#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in
#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.
#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have
#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large
#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following
#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and
#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance
#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at
#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability
#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any
#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other,
#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that
#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or
#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest
#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.
The next list/copy and paste thing doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Pip the Dark Lord of All and his/her friend.
So Darth Matimo and I came up with this thing where you switch the first letters on two words. It can make for quite a lot of hilarity. Here are a few of the best ones...
Wandalf the Gizzard
Lard of Baketown
It works on quotes too...
The ming is rine!
The ding must be retroyed.
Flaugh it up, luzzball.
Live pong and lrosper.
May the yorce be with fou.
You phall not sass!
One does not simply molk into Wordor.
If you think this is funny, copy and paste into your profile.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, weather it is another person or not copy this into your profile.
If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because you're a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, copy and paste this into your profile.
- I hate when websites ask, “are you human?” umm hello? I'm obviously an elf.
If you fall, I'll be there. -Floor (Why is it that no one gets this?)
Automatic doors make me feel like a JEDI!!
I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy!
When life gives you lemons throw the back and demand vodka.
Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.
The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!
Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.
They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns
"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown
“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown
When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!
Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."
Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.
You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen.
Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.
If two wrongs dont make a right, try three.
Borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything that you say will be misquoted and distorted, and then used against you.
A friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend laughs, trips you again, and laughs harder.
The Ferret bird exists right?
No body move! I dropped my brain...
Gingers have souls, Their just not theirs..
Turaaaash bags! I want turaaaash bags! I want 'em! I want 'em!...Trash bag? Gimme Trash bag!
I'm inspired, interrupt my train of thought and I'll stab you.
What's this thing you call normal? Is it contagious?! OMG!! Don't touch me I might catch your NORMAL!!!
Person 1 "What have you been eating, rocks?" Person 2 "Why? Is your head missing some?"
I'm not crazy, I'm a writer! Oh...wait...that's an oxymoron
16 Things To Do In Walmart
Never knock on Death's door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.
Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
The cops never find it as funny as you do.
God created boys before girls because every true artist creates a rough draft before a masterpiece.
So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone.
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
Don't look at me in that tone!
I'm not afraid of death. What's it going to do? Kill me?
I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.
Therapist = The/rapist . . . Scary thought.
Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!
I'm not insane and the voices in my head agree with me.
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse
Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't
When life gives you Edward Cullen, smile evilly and go to your stash of weapons.
When life gives you Edward Cullen, throw him back and demand someone cooler (like your elementary school janitor, perhaps?)
A fail so epic, it's almost a win.
I'm sarcastic, what's your superpower?
A friend is a person that knows you are a good egg, even though you are slightly cracked.
What doesn't kill me better run pretty dang fast.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift--that's why we call it the present.
Have you noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anybody driving faster is a maniac?
I can insult my best friend, but heaven help you if you do.
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it into a fruit salad.
If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more
If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you!
When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the person who made you mad.
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? ..He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking so good either.
I'm sorry, yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look to impressed.
Anger is one letter short of danger.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask directions.
I know the voices in my head aren't real...but sometimes their ideas are absolutely awesome!!!
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and walls get in my way.
If you don't see it with your own eyes, hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!
I am on a sea food diet. I see food and I eat it.
You can only be old once, but you can always be immature.
When a door closes another should open. If it doesn't, go through a window.
Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Always remember your unique, just like everybody else.
HOW TO TELL WHEN YOUR AN OBSESSED TRANSFORMERS FAN
1.) Your room is littered with Transformers merchandise.
Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together.
Man: Your eyes, they're amazing. Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.
Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number? Woman: It's in the phone book.
Man: But I don't know your name. Woman: That's in the phone book too.
Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man: I can tell you want me. Woman: Ohhhh, you're so right, I want you to leave.
Man: My pretty face is leaving in ten minutes. Please, be on it. Woman: Really, then it will be to smack you.
Man: Wanna go home and play Zookeeper? You be the lion and I'll feed you the meat. Woman: If it's meat you're giving me, it better be your DEAD meat to me.
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.
FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd's ass that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!
FRIENDS: Would ignore this.
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crap!
if you are or have ever been in love with a fictional character copy and paste this into your profile
Reasons Not To Mess With Little Kids
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy, the oldest of a family, answered, "Thou shalt not kill."
One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael; he's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle, the phone rang, so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle."
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
You talk to yourself a lot. (e.g. Hmm, what would happen if it was sunny the day Bella got hit by the van? Oh, story idea!! Must get computer!)
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')
When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')
After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'
You live off of sugar and caffine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then dissappear off the face of the earth.
You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.
No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. (once a key actually fell off!)
Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.
People think you have A.D.D.
You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.
You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.
You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.
(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)
Many people want very badly for fictional characters to exist. Little do they realize, That anything you can think of really can exist, in a different dimension. Considering the fact that there are an unlimited amount of dimensions, any kind of fictional character and/or universe really does exist!
Disorder in the American Courts
These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people actually said in court, word for word,
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?