Author has written 5 stories for Fairy Tail, Danny Phantom, Young Justice, Smallville, and Naruto.
"A lot of things are better off non-sentient anyway.Can you imagine the kind of counseling a self-aware nuclear weapon would need?" -Marten, Questionable content
"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." --Axel Rose, Guns'n'Roses"
(About writing a self-insert Danny Phantom fic) I just want to see the look on Danny's face when I tell him I want to get into Ghost Zone armed with nothing but a condom." --Yami-chan and Unrealistic
Warrick: We're on the outskirts of Vegas. This guy's been here for at least a week. Why aren't there any animal tracks? Coyotes should have been all over this place.
Snape: Jaganshi, would you be so kind as to explain to me why exactly you are molesting a statue at one o'clock in the morning?
Kurama: Sometimes you really freak me out.
Mulch: What are you afraid of? It's just a rear end.
Just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.
Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!
That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."
When in doubt, push random buttons!
You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.
There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.
They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...
Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking
You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.
I'm not as dumb as you look
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.
I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.
Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.
It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the time to do it.
It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown...and fewer still to ignore someone completely.
believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else.
It takes a big man to cry...but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Doors are on a house so you don't have to go through the windows.
No one ever says "it's only a game" if their team is winning.
I never repeat myself, so pay close attention to me the first time, cause I never repeat myself.
Canaries are the best, especially with ketchup on them.
Slow and steady gets you trampled by the other guys.
When opportunity knocks, shoot first and ask questions later.
When all else fails, use duct tape.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again
My Reality Check bounced.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing
"I called your boyfriend gay and he slapped me with his purse."
"The Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"The trouble with real life is that there's no background music."
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts."
"I have not lost my mind; it's backed up on a disk somewhere."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"Computers make very accurate mistakes. (22=3 Calculated in 0.000000001 seconds)"
"If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room."
" If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?"
"If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost."
"OK, I'm wierd! But I'm saving up to become eccentric."
"I tend to think in simple, clear terms that are wrong."
"Yo-yo: an object occasionally up but normally down (See also: computer)."
"Beware of the letter "G." It is the end of everything."
"I do visit reality, although it's on a tourist visa."
"Flying is not inherently dangerous; crashing is."
"Don't play dumb with me, I'll always win."
"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door..."
"Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door."
"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."
"He learned what every man must learn...never insult a girl's looks, especially if said girl can kick your ass"
"I'm not awesome, you just suck."
"IT'S THE SUGAR TALKING, I SWEAR!"
"People say violence isn't the answer. Well, they're right. Violence is the question. The answer is 'HELL YES'."
"I never said I was normal... you just presumed I was."
"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars, and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
It takes 42 muscles to frown, but just 28 to smile. Though it only takes 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone in the mouth.
Silence is golden... but shouting is fun!
Don't knock on Death's door; ring the bell and run- he hates that
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it!
Don't follow in my footsteps, I walk into walls!
"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"
"Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."
"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there's footprints on the moon."
"What's behind this door? -opens it- ...another door. Hilarious."
"There are 1000 ways I could kill you, and 941 of them hurt."
They locked you in?"
I'm not good at empathy, will you settle for sarcasm?
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid.
It's true, blonds do have more fun. But brunets remember it in the morning.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams
"I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! "
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
And the big whammy...
President Clinton of the USA: To copulate he finds interns
Only in America...
1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
5. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
6. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
7. Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
8. Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Ways to Annoy People
1. Pay tolls with 100 bills
Darwin Award Winners:
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners.
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked... And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a 20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the 20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...15.
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5a.m., flashed a gun, demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away.
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering human-kind please share these with your friends and family ... unless of course, one of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.
Ways to make sure you're insane
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. see if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. don't disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy"
Ask your dog if it's comfortable with it's name. Repeat with cat, until people ask if you're alright.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go"
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because your not in the mood.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON! I WON!"
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives! They're loose!"
18 Things to do when you're in Walmart!
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!", or "I choose YOU, PIKACHU!!"
16. Have a friend push you down the aisle in a shopping cart as you yell "THE REDNECKS ARE COMING! THE REDNECKS ARE COMING!"
17. Shout at the top of your lungs "WALDEMORT IS TAKING OVER!" and count how many people turn to look at you.
18. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking
Wisdom of Life - Quotable Quotes.
According to the latest figures, 43 percent of all statistics are utterly worthless.
Okay, normally I hate this but there are somethings that just bug me, so here are my rants.
Excluding how dense everyone is in this show, I have serious issues with the ending. Danny got his happily ever after, everything resolved itself. Bullshit. Danny has shit for luck and everyone knows it. There is no way (no matter how good a kid he is) that everything works out for Danny. He has shit for luck!
Okay, I blame the father for this, because I refuse to believe Maddie Fenton (no matter how thick she can be when it comes to her kids) would be stupid enough to put the 'on' button on the inside of a machine, or that she would forget to turn it on!
No one noticed that the mayor was acting odd or his glowing eyes! Mr. Lancer can not be the only teacher the school has! Mr. Lancer never acts like a good teacher, he plays favorites! No one notices how curropt or creepy Vlad is. Valarie never thinks of how cujo died, or how it was her dad's fault! Do inverse colors really make that much of a difference?
I like this, but I have this issue with the sidekicks. Why do they always blame Wayne for dragging them into the life? Many forced themselves in, or it was the only option besides crime. Grayson was an orphan before Bruce rescued him, Jason was a petty criminal, Tim was a fan boy who went there to help mr. Wayne, Barbara went out there and kicked crime for a long while before Batman was forced to help her before she got herself killed. I think the reason they blame Wayne when they are done is because they have forgotten how they pushed themselves into the life, Batman only helped them out so they wouldn't end up dead, but they looked up to him so much that they went out to fight crime.
So basically, they blame a man for helping them not get themselves killed when they ran off trying to prove themselves to him. How stupid is that?
Okay, I loved the books when I was reading them, and my love of the movies decreased as they went on, but now that I look back at it, everything in it is fucked up. Dumbledor is a creepy, manipulative old man, and thats not even considering his backstory. He handles everything like he knew that was how it was going to happen, but if thats true then why does he let so many people get hurt? Not to mention a fact that he sends children to do his dirty work (through manipulation) The Magical World is stuck in the dark ages, complete with a class system (pure-bloods are ridiculous, didn't anyone warn them about inbreeding?), racism (how they treat everything other than wisards, slaves (house elves are slaves, servants get paid and can quit, house elves are not servants), They are ruled by overbearing eurocentric patriarchs (I read that in Speak) , and they still use the same tools they used over a hundred years ago (the only advancements have been in the joke industry). Hogwarts is a brainwashing academy, they take impressionable ten year olds out in the middle of no where, give them new clothes, and teach them their ways (that is the sign of a dangerous cult, people!) Everything from their lessons to their books to their writing utensils are incredibly outdated, you honestly think that wizards couldn't get their hands on internet access if they really tried? Everything is only made worse by the fact that all their parents went their, so they are just as fucked in the head as the students are getting. Not to mention everybody in their whole damn society has complete trust in Dumbledor so no one ever thinks to the conditions at which he is raising their children. One thing, Sirus conviction? If Dumbledor had the ability to look into minds then why didn't he do that for the trail? Why was Harry left alone with the Dursleys for years with absolitely no visits? Why does it seem that The Old Bastard (thats my special name for him) set everything up so Harry would be abused and neglected so by the time he made it to Hogwarts he would be nice and malleble for him to be molded into The Old Bastard's tool (one more thing, if the cloak belonged to James Potter, why didn't he just leave it in the Potter vault? No, he made a point of giving it to the boy. Suspicious anyone?).
So, yeah, everything was fucked up, and that not even going on the name Hogwarts. Who names a school after a pig's skin condition?
REASONS I LOVE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
Stories I would like to read (but will probably never write)
The Vampire Diaries
I would really like a story where Caroline's mind traveled back in time or she learned about vampires before the story started, so she'd be a total BAMF. Pefreably a fix-it, maybe with a friendship with Damon, because even though he was an abusive dickwad when they first met it wasn't like anybody else in her life was any better (her mom, the sheriff, did nothing about her teenage daughter being in a very public relationship with a bad boy at least five years older than her, hello?). Anyway I want a story where Caroline is a badass without it being completely centered around her love life, I mean I know there is a lot of material there considering she's attracted to jerks (Damon, Matt (don't even argue after how he handled the 'I'm a vampire' reveal), Tyler, Klaus, Enzo (?), and most recently Stephan. Anyway, maybe she discovered vampires through St. Agustine after cleaning up Mr. Gilbert's practice after his untimely demise, maybe she saved Enzo, maybe that would never fit into a storyline, I DON'T KNOW! I would still really like to read it.