Just because I'm imaginary doesn't mean I don't exist.

i = square root of -1, a.k.a., the imaginary number, since theoretically it has no solution, because when you multiply two negative numbers you get a positive number.

However, watch this:

i squared = square root of i x square root of i = square root of -1 x square root of -1 = -1

i cubed = -1 x i = -i

i to the fourth power = -i x i = -1 x i x i = -1 x -1 = 1

Interesting how you can get something real out of something imaginary, isn't it? But that's how everything works. Every invention, every book, every government, every philosophy, every faith, every human, and yes, the whole universe (okay, I'm a creationist) started out as an imagination. Put a bit of effort into an imagination, and one way or another you'll get something real and tangible, perhaps with surprising results.

Hence, my catch phrase.

Darn FFN for not allowing extended characters...

My DeviantArt page: https:// w w w deviantart c o m /iamthejam

My YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/user/thejamakanumbuhi

My FiM Fiction page: w w w fimfiction n e t /user/i_am_the_jam

Also, given that not all of you are familiar with the songs I used in my fanfics, here are a few links to help you out.

For "Death of a Comedian, version 2", I did a bit more research and found all the tracks on YouTube, and while the links are in the story, I'll post the links here in one big playlist:

http://www.youtube.com/user/thejamakanumbuhi#g/c/2BC3FDFE57482110

And for the last scene, if you have Google Earth, if you go to the following coordinates:
21º06'50.04"N
86º45'30.39W
And zoom as far in as you can, you can zoom out and follow the camera movement I described.

For "I Dream of the New Ranger":

"The Theme of the Wuzzles" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c82cAG6dOtE

For "Mary":

“Hey, Mickey” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHN16DCAy1E

“I Wanna Tell The World” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9NvsJwUXHw (starts at 2:30)

The final serenade was inspired (and some segments were downright ripped off) from Les Luthiers’ “El Rey Enamorado” The King in Love, from the album “Muchas Gracias De Nada” Thanks A Lot You’re Welcome http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y8-HD6aphA (starts at 4:30) Spanish only, sorry.

For "The Fourteen":

First, a look at the kits

fav me /d1v8qrf

“What’s Up” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXcQGsoDkDk

“Please Forgive Me” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EHAo6rEuas (with a few changes in the fanfic)

“How Deep Is Your Love” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-GffD8QY2c

“What’s Up” (remix for the credits) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9t12h_0scg (not quite the same length)

For "Mary's Quest: Only a Scar":

“Since I Met You” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5DUqIdgr8I (slight difference because it's live)

And 2 maps, since FFN deleted the URLs from the story:

http:///albums/d150/The_JAM/MexicoMQ-OAS.png

http:///albums/d150/The_JAM/MexicoDF.gif

And for "Jacob Marley's Daughter":

“O Fortuna” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0I8_bOAuso

“Red Letters” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCrVwNfbxIM

“Hallelujah” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kB67HO8tkQs (with a few changes)

“War” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVCOdAGhejo (instrumental)

“It’s My Party” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWEQCOOj7JI

“The Lost Christmas Eve” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sZUZFc3128

“Last Daze” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYhzOGQWg48 (a few changes done)

“I'm with you” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bW2LTnzD-vE (had to change a few...expletives...)

“The Reason” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzEi2P5gSug

“Cry For Love” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3-kfdEIl0M

What I Choose to Read

[...unWARP!!!]

Good evening.

I’ve decided to write this down so I don’t have to repeat myself.

There have been several of you fans who have requested me to give an opinion of your written works of several fandoms, besides MLP:FiM.

And sadly, I’ve had to turn a few of you down.

Not that I’m a mean person or anything, mind you, but given the volume of works which I go through every DAY, I find it necessary to screen through what updates and requests I get on the fanfiction sites I subscribe to.

First and foremost, please understand that I used to be an English teacher. A full-all-encompassing teacher, meaning that I taught grammar, spelling, punctuation, vocabulary, reading comprehension, phonics, literature, and yes, composition, levels K-12.

So don’t be surprised if my first line of screening has to do with how you handle the English language.

I’ve seen stories that have a really, REALLY good premise, but the spelling, punctuation, and grammar are just SO horrible that it’s a chore AND a pain to go through. I mean, some of you write like you were in the first or second grade of elementary school, and I can’t help but wonder how on earth did your story ever make it onto this server.

It’s a real tragedy how many of you have NO idea what’s the difference between “to” and “too”, “breathe” and “breath”, “throne” and “thrown”, “break” and “brake”, or much less where commas and periods are supposed to go. It’s also very painful to see how many of you rely BLINDLY on the MSWord spell checker and auto-correct features without even bothering to see if the word it chooses is the one that fits the context of the sentence.

So, without wanting to be mean to anyone:

If the short summary is riddled with spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors, I will ignore the story.

If the long summary is riddled with spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors, I will ignore the story.

If the first chapter is riddled with spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors, I will ignore the story.

If the responses to the reviews are riddled with spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors, I will ignore the story.

If you try to pass off a non-poetry story that has 1,000 words spread out over 20 chapters, I will ignore the story.

Now, I can safely say that most of you live in an English speaking country and I’m SURE you have/had access to SOME form of formal education, so all of you there have NO excuse in submitting such atrocities to the English language.

And even if your first language is NOT English, you STILL have no excuse. There are plenty of good people here who are kind enough to offer their time and effort to edit your story and correct all the errors they can catch.

I’ll never forget what MY English teacher told me when I was in high school (in the US): “If you don’t take the time to write correctly and according to the rules that you’ve learned, you are showing disregard, selfishness, contempt, and wilful maliciousness to others around you by forcing them to conform to YOUR rules of how you THINK English should be written. And in the worst of cases, you are showing everyone that you are DUMB. Yes, DUMB, as in that you don’t know how to speak, or that you REFUSE to speak correctly.”

Quite harsh there, but you can be sure that everyone in our English class took that to heart.

So, that’s the first screening I place on stories. If your story fits in any of the above categories, honey, sorry. Don’t expect me to read it.

Concerning Codename: Kids Next Door, Hey Arnold!, Rugrats, All Grown Up, and Jimmy Neutron:

Those shows were produced with the main characters being children. If the story suddenly has them as teenagers or adults, sorry, I’ll be skipping it. I enjoyed those cartoons as they were, and while I know that some of you really want to explore the lives of the characters several years after the events of the show, go right ahead, but I find it very difficult to enjoy those stories because you’re basically creating new characters based on the originals, since no one can truly say how ANY of them will turn out later on.

However, I’m willing to give your story a chance ONLY if it’s recommended by someone other than you, and even then it has to be VERY well written. If the story takes place over several years and starts out with the characters as children, I’ll also give it a chance.

Also, those series were basically documentaries/biographies. If a story suddenly has the characters breaking the fourth wall or being aware that they’re cartoon characters, sorry, that just breaks off completely from the original intent of the show, and I’ll be skipping it, too.

The exception to that will be Tiny Toons Adventures, naturally. I once tried reading a Rescue Rangers story with the characters aware that they were in a cartoon, and there the whole premise and plot just crumbled.

Concerning My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic:

Given the amount of fanfics that are posted daily, I have to be a bit more strict here.

No Human(s) in Equestria or Anthros. This is in solidarity with Lauren Faust, who at the start of the show said that there would be NO humans whatsoever in ANY of the episodes. However, I’m willing to make an exception IF and ONLY IF the story is VERY good, and if it’s recommended directly by someone else. So far, the HiE fanfics which I’ve considered worthy of reading are “Anthropology” by JasonTheHuman, “Coma” by RedSketor, “The Great Brony Migration” by Laichonius, “Journey to my Imagination” by DeiStar, “A Voice Among the Strangers” by LucidTech, “Arrow 18 Mission Logs” by AdmiralTigerclaw, “The Rise of Darth Vulcan” by RealityCheck, “The Last Human: A Tale of the Pre-Classical Era” by PatchworkPoltergeist, “My Little Dashie” by ROBCakeran53, and 25 more which you can find on my favourites list.

This also includes stories based on Equestria Girls, sorry.

No crossovers. Now, I’m sure that quite a good number of these are very well written, but I have the unfortunate problem of NOT being familiar with most of the series that are being crossed-over, especially the animé series and most modern video games. When that happens, the author basically just introduces the crossing characters as if the reader automatically knows who they are and what they do, so there I’m completely in the dark and it’s impossible for me to enjoy the story. So, unless I’m familiar with the other series, I’ll have to skip it.

The exceptions to this so far are “The DisQord Continuum” by ZoidbergIsBestPony (Star Trek crossover), “The Incredible Hulk: Hero or Monster?” by GodDragonDevil, “Halo: On the Wings of Angels” by Gyvon (I have never seen nor played the game, I read it ONLY because it’s VERY well written), and a few others.

Also, do NOT send me links to YouTube or Wikipedia so that I can “familiarise” myself with the other series in order for me to read your crossover. If you think that one webpage is going to make me an expert overnight of that series you like, then you have some SERIOUS issues.

Gore/Dark/Tragedy/Clop/Mature: I’d be a hypocrite if I ignored ALL of these stories, given that I have one or two that include some of those topics, but the stories would have to include them with moderation and not be a complete bloodbath. I won’t automatically skip them, mind you, but they’d better be well written.

I have to post all of this because there have been authors who have DEMANDED that I read their stories, or even worse, that I WRITE them a story, for no reason, and out of the blue, of their favourite series. It’s been getting VERY annoying explaining all of this to those people, and even MORE annoying when they start getting rude and telling me I’m a mean person, a bigot, or what have you, so hopefully this will clear the air as to why I read what I read and why I DON’T read what I DON’T read.

Para muchos de los autores de fanfics en español:

Bueno, ¿acaso no les enseñan gramática, ortografía, o redacción en general en sus escuelas?

¿Acaso sus teclados están en inglés y por eso no ponen acentos o los signos de interrogación y exclamación iniciales?

¿Qué no saben el fastidio que es tratar de leer algo que está horriblemente atiborrado de errores?

¿Por qué no toman el tiempo de por lo menos INTENTAR corregir sus errores, o buscar a alguien más que les ayude en eso?

Repitiendo y resumiendo las reglas para ustedes:

Si la reseña está llena de faltas de ortografía y gramática, ignoraré su cuento.

Si el primer capítulo está lleno de faltas de ortografía y gramática, ignoraré su cuento.

Si tratan de hacerme creer que pueden escribir algo que no sea poesía y poner 1,000 palabras en 20 capítulos, ignoraré su cuento.

Si el cuento es de Hey Arnold, Rugrats, All Grown Up, Jimmy Neutron, o Codename: Kids Next Door, y tiene a los personajes como adolescentes y/o adultos, sin que la trama tenga una progresión de tiempo desde que fueron niños, ignoraré su cuento, a no ser que esté MUY bien escrito.

Si el cuento es de Rescue Rangers, Hey Arnold, Rugrats, All Grown Up, Jimmy Neutron, o Codename: Kids Next Door, y tiene a los personajes conscientes de que están en una caricatura, ignoraré su cuento.

Si el cuento es de My Litle Pony: Friendship is Magic, y tiene humanos, ponis antropomórficos, o si es un cruce con otra serie que no conozca, ignoraré su cuento, a no ser que esté MUY bien escrito.

También, aguas con los temas de tragedia y horror. Si los pueden manejar bien, y si su cuento está MUY bien escrito, le daré una oportunidad.

No es por querer ser mala persona. Simplemente tengo que filtrar los cuentos que me llegan porque no tengo tiempo de leer, ni mucho menos corregir, a todos. Por favor, respeten a la serie original, respeten a los personajes, ¡y por el amor de Dios, respeten el idioma!

¡Zacatepóngolas!

Until next time, remember:

I AM THE J.A.M. (a.k.a. Numbuh i: "Just because I'm imaginary doesn't mean I don't exist")

Good evening.

[WARP!!!]

IMPORTANT NEWS!!!!

Microsoft Office 15 (2013) has its own text-to-speech engine!! That means that MSWord has the function of reading the story out loud (500 words at a time, I think).

When you hear your story being read out loud, you'll be surprised at how many mistakes pop up that you wouldn't have noticed otherwise. SO NOW YOU HAVE NO FRIGGIN' EXCUSE FOR POSTING A STORY RIDDLED WITH MISTAKES!!!!

¡¡¡NOTICIAS IMPORTANTES!!!

¡¡Microsoft Office 15 (2013) ya tiene su propia función de text-to-speech!! Eso quiere decir que MSWord ahora puede leer en voz alta la historia (500 palabras a la vez, creo).

Cuando oyes a tu historia siendo leída en voz alta, te sorprenderás de cuántos errores aparecen que no hubieras notado de otra manera ¡¡¡¡ASÍ QUE YA NO TIENES NINGUNA EXCUSA DE SUBIR UNA HISTORIA ATIBORRADA DE ERRORES!!!!