ROTBTD
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Joined 04-29-13, id: 4695321, Profile Updated: 11-02-14
Author has written 2 stories for How to Train Your Dragon, Avengers, and Rise of the Guardians.

Hey everyone!

I'm ROTBTD. So far one of the main fandom's I'm now adding to is Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons. Whoever started this is a genius and should get a prize. And adoration. And I won't go on.

Anyways, so far I've only got one story that I FINALLY FINISHED but as time goes by that will definitely change! As soon as I think up my next plot bunny.

(As will this profile once I come up with other stuff to say)

(Like those fun little copy and paste thingers)

5 DEADLY WORDS USED BY WOMAN
1.FINE - this is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is RIGHT & YOU need to SHUT UP.
2.NOTHING - means SOMETHING & YOU need to be WORRIED.
3.GO AHEAD - this is a dare, not permission, do NOT do it.
4.WHATEVER - is a woman's way of saying SCREW YOU
5.THAT'S OK - she is thinking long & hard on HOW & WHEN you will pay for your mistake.

Oh, the irony . . .
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

1. My mother taught me to Appreciate a Job Well Done
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me Religion
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me Time Travel
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me Logic
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me More Logic
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

6. My mother taught me Foresight
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident ."

7. My mother taught me Irony
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of Osmosis
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me Contortionism
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about Stamina
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me Weather
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me The Circle of Life
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about Behavior Modification
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me: Envy
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about Anticipation
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me: Receiving
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me: Medical Science
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me: ESP
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me: Humor
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me: How to become an adult
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22.My Mother taught me: Genetics
"I swear you're just like your father."

23. My Mother taught me about my Roots
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My Mother taught me Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about Justice
"When you have kids i hope they turn out just like you"

Ah, the internet: where men are men, women are also men, and thirteen-year-old girls are FBI agents.

God created man before woman because every masterpiece needs a rough draft. --Anon

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.

Boys are like Slinky's . . . useless, but fun to watch fall down stairs.

Some people say they are big readers. That they're so into books it's not funny. However the only way to tell is if they 1) Suddenly gasp when something exciting happens in the book. 2) Start talking to the book because that's not how they want the book to go. 3) Hurl the book across the room when one of their favorite characters dies. Copy and paste this if you are one of these people

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight and Maximum Ride, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom, firedrakegirl, ROTBTD

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself. So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think it's stupid that girls are associated with the color pink, copy and paste this into your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you haven't died yet copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, post this in your profile.

If, for any particular reason, you have laughed during a movie that wasn't funny, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this into your profile.

If you hear the voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile

If you should actually be doing homework right now, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you said it, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy this to your profile

If you have ever seen a movie or read a book so many times that you can quote it word for word, and do so at random moments, copy and past this to your profile.

If you realize that copy and pasting things to your profile is totally pointless, and yet you do it anyways, pointlessly copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you absolutely CANNOT live without one or all of these books series (Harry Potter, Maximum Ride, Artemis Fowl, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Twilight, LOTR, DragonRiders of Pern, Ranger's Apprentice, add more!), copy and paste this into your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know ands wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever just wanted to get away from it all, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

!eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI

Have you ever fallen off a chair, backwards? Put this in your profile if you have.

If keyboards hate you put this into your profile. (Especially that FREAKING CAPS LOCK!!)

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

If you think the government should make levees and not wars, put this in your profile.

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you are a nerd and proud of it, put this in your profile.

I'm bored...if you are bored, put this in your profile and let the world know that you have nothing to do.

If you have zoned out for more than 5 minutes, put this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

I think that falling in love with non-existent people like characters in books or movies is perfectly normal. If you agree with me, copy this into your profile.

If you hear voices in your head and know that they are real put this on your profile.

If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile.

If you have a long bio/profile, and wish to hereby enhance the length of said autobiographical document, copy and paste this to said world wide web page to make said autobiographical document increase in length, number of words, interestingness, and other things which would be known as fun, copy and paste this piece of information to your said autobiographical document.

If you can listen to a song and match some of the lyrics up to your life copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you absolutely LOVE to sing even though you may or may not suck copy and paste this onto your profile

All of these are from The Incredible Klutz! I love them!

If you yell "SQUIRREL!" every time you see one, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hear lyrics to a song and match them to one or more characters, either yours or someone else's, copy and paste this into your profile!

Month one
Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.
Month Two
Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.
Month Three
You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.
Month Four
Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.
Month Five
You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?
Month Six
I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!
Month Seven
Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this.

Sweetness

This is really sweet...

When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.

When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.

When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever.

When a girl wants to see you everday, she wants to be pampered.

When a girl says "I love you." she means it.

When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, and calls you back when you hang up on him.

The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

The one who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him.

The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her.".

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.

The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.

How to annoy your teacher:

1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.)
2. After everything your teacher says, ask why continuously.
3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask” DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG?” very loudly.
4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that, simply reply, “wow I can tell you’re a blast at parties”
5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream “ THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!!”
6. Flick pieces of paper around the class.
8. Don’t do your Homework.
9. When your teacher asks you why you didn’t do your homework say “I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you’re the worst teacher ever.” then sit there and smile sweetly.
10. When you have a supply teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name it Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say “PROVE IT!”
11. When your teacher asks why you were late say, “My goldfish died.” Then burst into tears.
12. When handing in your homework, write this paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds at the bottom.
13. When you leave the class bow and say, “May the force be with you, young one.”
14. When the teacher turns the light off, start singing opera as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused.
16. Walk into class dancing the Macarena
17. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room
18. Raise your hand and say "I totally agree" after everything your teacher says
19. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow
21. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume; say there was "a disturbance”
22. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well
23. "The homework’s due now? Oh, give me a minute then."
24. Hand in an essay where every word is mispelt.
25. Run in the room screaming, “THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”
26. When the teacher asks you why you are late, say, “the queen is never late, everyone else is simply early”.
27. When a teacher asks you a question, say, “I’m sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you.”
28. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector, scream “AAH MY EYES!!”
29. Tell yourself knock knock jokes, then laugh loads.
30. Hide under your desk and yell “THE SKY IS FALLING!”
31. When someone knocks on the door, shout “OH NO, THEY’RE COMING FOR ME!”
32. Bring in a 7 year old kid and says he’s your new pet.
33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making, say a nuclear bomb.
34. When your teacher asks you a question just stare at them.
35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice.
36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it.
37. If you’re playing a really boring game, make a big deal if you win.
38. Glue all their scissors together.
39. Make paperclip jewelery. E.g. necklaces, earrings etc…
40. Pull out one strand of someone’s hair and yell “DNA!”
41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says ‘I am an idiot’
42. Talk to a pen.
44. Yell “LIAR!” to everything they say.
45. Smile. All the time.
46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger everyday. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, IT’S SPREADING!”
47. When a supply teacher is taking the register, say everyone is missing. Then, if they ask who you are, say ‘Your worst Nightmare’
48. When you know the answer, bounce up and down a go " OOOHH I KNOW THIS"
49. When a teacher calls on you say, " I forgot"
50. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favorite song.
51.When your chemistry teacher asks you what will happen to the chemicals yell EXPLODE
52.take the batteries out of the remote to the projector and tie them to the projector

I'm not so good at advice; may I intrest you in a sarcastic reply?

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep.

WARNING: Do not follow in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls and off cliffs.

Real girls aren't perfect, and perfect girls aren't real.

What hair color do they put down on the driver's licenses of a bald man?

It's funny--the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting people to shut up.

I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you... you're just not laughing.

I used up all my sick days at work so I'm calling in dead.

Be nice to your kids. They choose your nursing home.

It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Note to self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

My favorite word is sarcasm.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

If you want to look young and thin, hang around with old fat people.

If Wal-mart is lowering their prices everyday, how come the store isn't free yet?

Sarcasm doesn't work on a sarcastic person.

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' (if I HAD one . . .)

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

If two wrongs dont make a right, try three.

Borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. . . if well-aimed.

One way to find out if something works: push all the buttons.

I hear your silence loud and clear.

According to the latest figures, 43% of all statistics are utterly worthless.

Don't steal. The government hates the competition.

If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.

Tell the truth and run.

Friends come and go while enemies never do; they just multiply.

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.

Generally, generalizations are wrong.

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.

Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.

The Truth is out there. So what are you doing here?

Whatever you are, be a good one.

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.

The difficulty is not so great as to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for.

Belief gets in the way of learning.

If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?

When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.

Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years.

We don't live in the world of reality, we live in the world of how we perceive reality.

If God had intended Man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.

A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.

Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.

Education is important. School, however, is another matter.

When a finger points at the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months.

Cynics are made, not born.

What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it? . . . . Next week.

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

My mind works like lightning . . . . one brilliant flash and it's gone.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Don't underestimate the power of funny. It moves mountains.

Never say that! Never! Run before you walk! Fly before you crawl! Keep moving forward! Because if we fail, I'd rather fail really hugely. All or nothing!

Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them more.

Growing old is mandatory . . . growing UP is optional . . .

When I'm stressed, I laugh. When I'm happy, I laugh. When I'm nervous, I laugh. If I find something funny, I can't stop laughing.

If you find any poisonous plants in your tea, just to let you know, it wasn't me.

Don't pop my bubbles. I'll get depressed.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.

If your heart was really broken . . . you'd be dead so shut up.

People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled "Bang", I don't think you'd kill too many people.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

Emmett's the strongest, Edward's the fastest, but Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make people jealous.

They laugh because we're losers . . . . We laugh because they just figured it out.

The 50-50-90 rule: any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

The voices may not be real, but they have some pretty good ideas.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.

Why be difficult, when, with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Newsflash, Honey, I don't live to please you.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me.

Boys are like lava lamps: fun to watch but not too bright.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't do my laundry. I mean, come on, who would wanna wash clothes on the last day of their life?

To the world you are just one person, but to one person, you're the world.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he took a wrong turn, got lost, and was too stubborn to ask for directions.

It's always in the last place you look . . . of course it is, why would I keep looking for it?

Happiness is just around the corner! . . . Too bad the world is round . . .

I can only please one person a day. Today's not your day, and tomorrow's not looking good either.

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water!

"Sir, we're surrounded!" "Excellent, we can attack in any direction!"

Treasure's not just silver and gold, mate." CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow from The Curse of the Black Pearl

"My ship is magnificent and fierce and huge...ish and...gone. Why's it gone?" CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow, At World's End


(Whew. That was fun)

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Dear Fanfiction Writers by DarkHorseBlueSky reviews
In which the ROTG characters write "strongly worded letters" to the fanfiction writers. Rated T for the personal paranoia of the constantly paranoid author. [warning: immensely slow updates due to author busy-ness and an obvious lack of humor-inspiration]
Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 124 - Words: 14,413 - Reviews: 2595 - Favs: 393 - Follows: 389 - Updated: 3/23 - Published: 7/12/2013
Project GUARDIAN: The Rise & Fall by Her Head In the Clouds reviews
When Princess Thia is kidnapped by British terrorist, Pitch Black, a mysterious secret agent comes the rescue. But protecting her is a challenge as he is wanted dead by multiple spy agencies. Now she and the ex-spy who only goes by the codename 'JACK FROST' must work together and stop Pitch, all while uncovering the dark secrets of something he left called the GUARDIAN program. AU
Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 56 - Words: 589,871 - Reviews: 1832 - Favs: 668 - Follows: 616 - Updated: 12/14/2014 - Published: 3/12/2013 - Jack Frost, Tooth - Complete
Secret of Frost and Moon by Alaia Skyhawk reviews
When death turns out not to be the end, you can't help but ask for what purpose you were brought back... What differences would it make, to remember your past right from the begining? To learn your purpose, piece by piece, right from the start? How would that change the life, future, and secrets of the Spirit of Winter; Jack Frost?
Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 130 - Words: 499,493 - Reviews: 3060 - Favs: 1,468 - Follows: 1,128 - Updated: 11/2/2014 - Published: 12/23/2012 - Jack Frost - Complete
Revenge of the Guardians by DarkHorseBlueSky reviews
In which we tell what happens when the Guardians go to the beach. ONESHOT. Rated K Plus because I'm paranoid. No pairings.
Rise of the Guardians - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 583 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 7 - Published: 5/12/2013 - Jack Frost, Bunnymund, North, Tooth - Complete
The Pun War of '13 by my-patronus-is-a-computer reviews
"Pitch slap!" Both fighters froze. Slowly, Jack and Bunny turned towards the speaker. "Tooth?" And thus, the Pun War of '13 had begun. CRACK. Who do you think will win in this completely jacked up (pun intended) war of puns?
Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,675 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 160 - Follows: 28 - Published: 3/5/2013 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Avenging the Guardians reviews
When the Pole is discovered to have been brutally attacked by an unknown foe, the Guardians must team up with the most unlikely of allies - the Avengers. With their two direst foes aiming for their destruction, will the Guardians be avenged or will cold and dark rule the world? T cause I'm paranoid, I own nothing.
Crossover - Avengers & Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 10 - Words: 14,434 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 100 - Updated: 6/19/2014 - Published: 11/30/2013
The Big Four: Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons reviews
Rated T cause I'm paranoid. Basically the four worlds of these heroes have become connected, with potentially dire consequences if they cannot put aside their differences and stop the plans of the evil they thought they had vanquished. Summary sucks, I know. Canon pairings. Unfortunately I don't own ROTG or HTTYD. First fanfic, please read and review!
Crossover - How to Train Your Dragon & Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 42 - Words: 66,843 - Reviews: 137 - Favs: 122 - Follows: 89 - Updated: 11/28/2013 - Published: 4/29/2013 - Complete