Author has written 9 stories for Harry Potter, Avengers, Supernatural, and X-Men: The Movie.
Country of Residence: United States of America
Favorite Fandom: X-Men
ProngsPotter22 Companion Fic to In My Time of Rising: Gone With the Wind
Von Companion Fic to Darkness of Birth: DoB: F
Lily Potter's Sacrifice
I know a lot of people dislike Rowling's choice method for Harry Potter's survival. I mean, love magic? As if she is the first mother to die for her child. But that's not quite right. It took researching it for me to really get it, and it makes a lot more sense. It wasn't stated very clearly in the books, so not understanding is easily excused. It wasn't her sacrifice in that she died for him; it was that she willingly traded her life for his.
I am sure, if you are a die-hard HP fan, you remember the scene from Halloween 1981 quite easily. Voldemort arrived, killed James, then proceeded to the nursery, where he told Lily to step aside. See the importance here?
It wasn't her dying for Harry, lots do that. It was the fact that she could have lived--not through running, or fighting--but because she had a choice. How often would you say that happened? Sure, mothers standing in the way of their children, that must happen relatively often. But I doubt it is so common for someone to only want to kill the baby, and leave the mother alive, and that is what set Lily's Sacrifice apart. Besides, the other times it happened it was probably just some crazy, not the most powerful Dark Lord to ever live. No wonder it was so awe-inspiring.
Though, for fanfiction's sake, it could also have had to do with Voldemort's promise to Snape or the prophecy or anything else like that.
Dolores Umbridge's Quill
For some reason it seems as though the fan-made name of "Blood Quill", and its supposed true purpose, have not just caught on, but spread like wildfire through this site. Now everywhere you go you see stories claiming that the quill she used is one designed for legalities, not for the purpose she used it for, and generally other annoying claims.
If you check, you'll actually find that her quill--called The Black Quill--is a device of her own making, designed to show the sadism and cruelty lurking beneath the saccharine facade.
Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy
Within the fanfiction universes the point of Snape being Draco's godfather has become so common many people actually think it is canon. It isn't. The only incident of such a relationship is between Sirius and Harry, probably stemming from Lily's muggle heritage. And then years later Harry becomes Teddy Lupin's godfather. Never did it say that Snape was Draco Malfoy's.
Something I have noticed, after an extensive amount of time spent on this, and other, sites catering to the purpose of writing fanfiction, is the startling amount of ill characterization. And I have finally reached the point where I feel it necessary to write a short article about my own views of these characters, simply to help certain people see something more than the current portrayals.
This well-known character would certainly top my list, because of the ever-growing spread of stories where he has been twisted and perverted far beyond what he was clearly originally meant to be. And while I can certainly say he does sometimes hold occasionally 'manipulative' tendencies, they have been blown wildly out of proportion. To be honest I blame a great deal of this on the movies, and people who have only seen the movies and have formed their opinions based off the rather altered version of the esteemed Headmaster. Because, as decent as the movies were (far better than, say, Percy Jackson) they were clearly tweaked from the original plot, most noticeably with small details--details that added up.
Granted, there are many incidents that have been pointed to and labelled as a clear example of the Headmaster's follies, most noticeably being his actions regarding the Horcrux and the Prophecy. However, when looking at these, we must also ponder the other side to it, and that there were fairly solid reasons for Dumbledore playing his cards close. Firstly there is the fact that the knowledge of the Horcrux itself was mere speculation for quite a while, as were the amount the Dark Lord had made. Truthfully would any sane person have wanted such knowledge out in the world? Not least of all for Harry, who would have to deal with the crushing realization that he would have to die. And the likely possibility that he would be too afraid, leaving Voldemort to conquer.
Obviously that draws us to the way Dumbledore sent Harry to his death, and that cannot be labelled anything more than manipulation, I will admit. But what irks me is when certain writers make it out to appear as though this plan was set in motion long ago and that Dumbledore had no care for Harry's life, while we have seen how he appeared to really care for Harry. Do I dismiss the manipulation? No, but I can acknowledge the reasons, as well as the fact that there really was no other way. And, in my own opinion, I think that Dumbledore knew, when he died, that Harry could survive it all. After all, Harry was able to return only because of Voldemort using his blood in the ritual to restore his own body.
If there was anyone I feel that Dumbledore really and truly wronged, with no reasoning or cause, it was Tom Riddle. I blame it on the nature of the world at the time; Grindelwald was amassing his army to conquer the world, the public was putting pressure on Dumbledore to fight the man he had loved, and Dark Wizards left and right were fighting against the peace he had striven for ever since his sister died. So when he met Tom Riddle, an orphan wizard with a clear aptitude for cruel magic and the ability to speak Parseltongue, he sought to shut the boy down quickly, and prevent any possible darkness from spreading. Yet doing so, and not treating a curious prodigy, eager to find his place, like he should've, Dumbledore set Tom Riddle down the path to becoming Lord Voldemort long before anyone else did.
So, no, I do not think that Albus Dumbledore was malicious. I think he was an old man trying to save the most lives he could, while still protecting the innocence of Harry Potter. Sure he made mistakes, but it was not easy, fighting to protect those who seemed all-too-willing to hide and allow Voldemort to walk all over them. And, in the end, he did a lot more good than bad.
My beef with our young little muggleborn is slightly more personal than with Dumbledore, so any die-hard Hermione fans, you may wish to skip this part, just in case my emotions get the better of me.
Hermione is another example of a character altered by the movie portrayal; except in a much more beneficial way than with Dumbledore. Instead of an arrogant, bossy, frankly unattractive girl with a streak of narcissism and the inability to think beyond the covers of a book, we had an intelligent, pretty, and compassionate young woman. In the books, Hermione was not the nicest person, even after she befriended Harry. The pushy personality and lack of emotional depth almost as bad as Ron's led to her presence feeling quite smothering. She was in no way bad, but she was the embodiment of the shallow end of the 'genius' pool.
Her main flaw, or perhaps the main flaw to how she was written, was the way Rowling made it seem as if every trait, good or bad, was something impressive. Rarely was she called out on her social issues, and those who did were usually forced to repeal those words in some way or another. Because obviously a bright mind means that any other issues are unimportant.
Actually it was her own fault that several issues in the books were pushed of sight. There are several instances where Harry has a suspicion, or a theory, or an idea, and Hermione dismisses it based on a narrowminded belief in her own intellect or trust in authority figures. The major instances that come to mind are Draco Malfoy, in Book 6 (because obviously Voldemort isn't evil enough to Mark a teenager), and several places in Book 7 where she either holds her own ideas as superior or dismisses Harry's (such as the Snitch holding the Resurrection Stone). It is a disgustingly common trend that appears more and more as you look for it.
In many ways Hermione could be seen as the embodiment of why purebloods don't like muggleborns. For the fools and inbred, it is her blood, though we've seen time and time again that 'pure' blood bears no weight on power, intelligence, or ability. What we have seen though, is a general lack of respect. Imagine how you would feel if a child, one who was only just introduced to a culture they barely held any right to, had the audacity to question centuries of tradition, just because it did not match up to a world they were more accustomed to? That's not to say that either world is better than the other, magical or muggle, but both are different. Hermione lacked the respect to appreciate that, and it was what, at least to me, helped really set her in stone as the most irritating member of the cast.
Ah, Ron, the comedy-relief guy, second-youngest of... how many? Well, enough to make him feel rather overshadowed. Possessing a deep fear of spiders and an inferiority complex, for some reason he has taken a spot among the Top 10 Most Hated Harry Potter Characters list, along with names such as Dolores Umbridge, Tom Riddle, Rita Skeeter, Severus Snape, and... Ginny Weasley? I will get back to that in a moment. It boggles me the amount of people who hold outright loathing towards Ron yet can still adore Hermione. And more than boggles, it irritates. Why?
It all stems back to The Goblet of Fire, and to a lesser extent the Deathly Hallows. In the fourth book, Ron is most known for his 'betrayal' of Harry upon the Boy-Who-Lived's name being spat from the Goblet, and how, for several weeks, he would not even talk to Harry. Even when the incident about the dragons came to light. Dickish? Sure, but not eeeevil.
In truth Ron's personality was what made him such an interesting read. He was real. He had flaws, he had insecurities, he had a stupid little phobia like any of us. Acting like a mistake or two makes him a bad person is just hypocritical. Can any of us say that, had we not known, would we have believed Harry? He had spent the days before discussing, just like the other guys in his Year, how 'cool' it would be to be a Champion. How much 'fun' it would be. And then suddenly he is, and is actually being allowed to compete with no punishment... I think any of us would be angry and rather jealous. Besides, it was clear that Ron had started to regret it, though his Weasley Stubbornness overruled his common sense.
The second example of his flaws, the one that is more of a solid example, is in Book 7, when he walks out on Harry and Hermione while they are in the woods, in a tent, trying to destroy Voldemort. Of course if you like you can pin some of his more rash actions on the Horcrux they took turns wearing (Seriously? Why? Just put it in the damn moleskin pouch), he was a genuine dick then, no doubt about it.
Or... could there be?
Truthfully Ron was extraordinarily immature then, and his complaining would have irked anyone. Especially when Hermione and Harry both never said a word--though, admittedly, Harry was more used to the sort of conditions that they were living in. But Ron came back, he was able to break into the Chamber of Secrets, and he helped defeat Lord Voldemort. All in all, not too bad.
And in the end, he did a lot more for Harry than against him. I wouldn't have fought a three-headed dog, gotten smashed in the head by a giant chess piece, headed into a nest of Acromantulas, slid into the Chamber of Secrets, spoken out against Umbridge, snuck into the Ministry of Magic, fought Death Eaters, or done the thousand other things for some dude I met at eleven.
Seriously. Nasty business.
I am not going to spend much time on her, because the dislike for Ginny boils down to one thing and one thing only, and it is, once again, the way she was written. Or, rather, the way her relationship with Harry was written in, because Ginny sounded pretty interesting on her one; fiery, loud, passionate about what she believed in.
One day Harry is talking to her casually, then the next (as far as we are aware) he suddenly is picturing himself making out with her behind a tapestry. It was so.. abrupt. And there is the little thing of his resemblance to his father and Ginny being a redhead. Not the same, sure, but it is a widely-held belief that men look for their mothers in first girlfriends. Food for thought.
Okay, this guy I hope to spend some time on, because, quite frankly, this romanticizing of him has got to stop. At the very least stop making him so emo.
There has been a movement among a great deal of fanfic writers to turn Severus Snape into some sort of 'unsung hero'. Like a good guy who tried his hardest but could never quite break free of the mold of dirty Death Eater, who was a better companion for Lily, who was really very nice under the layers of black moodiness...
No. Just no.
Snape was a bully. A cruel, arrogant, self-righteous, downright mean bully who tortured an eleven-year-old mentally and emotionally for years in an attempt to get back at a dead man. He was a terrible teacher and a murderer who got off scott-free. People like to villainize James Potter (Why? No clue.), but Snape was so much worse. James Potter was that rich kid with loving parents, who was too sheltered to see the world as it is and so was mean to people who, he believed, were the bad ones. Much like Ron Weasley in that respect. However, James Potter grew up. He got married to a woman who, by all accounts, was a very strong and kind person, and who wouldn't have married a bully. He died trying to save his family from Voldemort. He was a hero.
Snape did none of this. Even in his dying moments, giving Harry his Pensieve memory was not an act of true heroism. A hero is not someone who does the right thing when there is no other option, and because they want to justify themselves, a hero does it because it is right. Snape told Harry the truth because he had to, and maybe even a little to know how it would hurt Harry.
And while it was clear he could love, it was a selfish love. He wanted Lily. In asking the Dark Lord to spare her, he showed how he wanted Lily for himself. Not her husband, who she would have grieved heavily, nor her son; just her. In his mind Lily was his and his alone, and that is the same kind of poisonous love that Merope Gaunt felt for Tom Riddle Sr.
That's not love. That's obsession.
Remus Lupin and Sirius Black
Remus Lupin was rather odd, and not always in the best ways. Personally I always wondered how he got into Gryffindor when he always seemed to be such a coward. In Book 3, when he failed to tell Harry their connection, in Book 5, where he failed to be a mentor, and the obvious case on Book 7, where he ran off on his pregnant wife--albeit only for a time. I have actually seen people claim Remus is weak for denying who he is--not giving in to his 'inner wolf', as if that is a real thing--but I think it is more his self-loathing and how it clouds his judgement.
Sirius was the quintessential Gryffindor; brave, headstrong, a tad foolish, loyal, and bigoted. We can never really know how he was originally, because all we get is the version of him after Azkaban, and, quite frankly, he's a pathetic excuse for a guardian by then. Any maturity has been drained away along with his looks, leaving a severely messed-up man who seems to think that treating Harry like his father is an apt model for guardianship. A fun uncle, sure, he could be just that, but not a guardian. Certainly not.
The Wizarding World
I am already expecting several people to be unhappy with me for my treatment of the magical world in my stories; it is not uncommon for me to consider wiping them out or removing their magic. Several people have asked me why that is, when the wizards are such a powerful race. My answer? Magic is utterly pointless.
I know that the point of the wizards was that they were to be just another form of humanity, going about their lives with magic as just a natural part of themselves. However, as Ben Parker would say, "With great power comes great responsibility." Even if they don't want to all be superheroes or something, they still have the potential to make the world a better place with far greater ease than their muggle counterparts. And yet they don't, only ever using their fantastic power to complete mundane tasks and hide themselves away.
Let's face it, if the Wizarding World suddenly died out, nothing would change, and that is the simple fact that makes their existence so sad. All that potential, all that promise, hidden away and neglected. The Wizarding World can contribute nothing while in hiding; either they must evolve or they will cease to exist.
Stories that I would love to see
If done the name will be underneath. MUST contact me regarding taking up an idea, and I have the right to veto your offer if you do not meet my standards, such as having already written at least one quality story and following my restrictions (No evil!Dumbledore, no magical inheritance, and generally no other over-the-top cliches).
Harry Potter x Avengers
1) The 'James' in Harry's name isn't for James Potter. It is for his REAL father, James 'Bucky' Barnes. Lily Potter accidentally got herself flung back in time and...well you can guess what comes next.
2) Harry was having a perfectly boring, ordinary summer. Well, aside from the whole 'return of Voldemort' thing. But that all changed when an agent of the American government showed up on his doorstep to recruit him for something. Apparently Lily wasn't all that faithful. Apparently Loki has a thing for redheads. And now Harry is being pulled along with 'Uncle Thor' into a whole new world.
3) Loki gets turned into a baby human female and has his memory wiped to learn a lesson after he constantly seduces Aesir men. His new name is Lily Potter. Thor decides to take a jaunt down to Earth while his brother is under punishment. Unfortunately, he does not know what Loki looks like, and decides to use the rest of his free time with the beautiful redheaded woman drinking alone. Lily's boy is born with golden blonde hair and glowing green eyes placed on a face that was much too masculine to have been James's. To keep James from knowing she disguises the baby to look like him. What happens when, over a decade later, the truth is revealed?
Harry Potter x X-Men
I want to clarify, for these crossovers especially, that I do NOT like any kind of hybrid mutant/wizard Harry, at least not naturally or comfortably. It makes him overpowered as well as lessens the divide between the races, especially since magic is genetic. This is paralleled in these ideas and MUST be used as rule in-universe.
1) Wizardkind has been stagnant for too long, their race dying and their powers fading, and nature has seen fit to ensure humanity's survival with a new breed of humans, one whose powers exceed even magic: mutants. But the wizards do not intend to go quietly, so when a young Harry Potter is discovered to be a mutant instead of a wizard he quickly finds himself forced to serve their cause. The Ministry seeks insurance for their survival; the mutants want to hold their rightful place in the evolutionary line; and Harry Potter just wants to live.
2) Killed by Voldemort's final spell yet trapped on the mortal plane, Harry drifts between life and death, unseen to all. He sees the world change around him, sees mutants rise from the muggles, beings with power comparable even to magic. He believes it to be the price for Voldemort's defeat; an eternity watching the world pass around him. That is, until one day, a young telepath calls his name. (Optional Harry/Charles, Harry/Emma Frost, or Harry/Jean)
3) It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, Harry. A mutant of staggering power, young Harry Potter is desperate for a release from the miserable loneliness of his childhood. A combination of brain damage and the appearance of reality-bending abilities bring his very dreams to life, shaping for him a world of magic, monsters, and friends. But all dreams must end; the only question is, will Harry let it, even at its terrible cost?
Harry Potter x Jessica Jones
Jessica Jones isn't the first woman to escape Kilgrave, not even the first with powers to catch his eye. And now, fifteen years later, Harry Potter is finding himself with strange new abilities, powers which not even magic can explain. It seems that Jessica Jones is not the only person searching for Kilgrave; only question is, what will happen when he does?
Harry Potter x Fantastic Four
Before he was Doctor Doom, he was Victor von Doom; genius, inventor, and powerful sorcerer. Although any trace of Victor died when he became Doctor Doom, a small piece of his history still lives on in the form of a boy named Harry Potter, a boy who shares an eerie resemblance to the man Doom used to be.
Harry Potter x Supernatural
Stolen at Birth — Sam and Dean find a job, hunting down a ghost that has been haunting a small town. Strange thing is, this ghost hasn't hurt anyone. Sam and Dean learn that the ghost is of a boy named Harry, who was killed by the people he most trusted as a 'precaution'. However, something isn't right about this case. As they dig deeper Sam and Dean discover a startling revelation that connects this mysterious boy with them in a way that they had never imagined. It turns out that Sam is just one half of a whole duo.
Stolen at Birth(2) - Ben, Lisa's son, was Dean's son. However, soon after he was born, a robbery gone wrong led to his kidnapping. Lisa was distraught and therefore never told Dean. Through a twist of circumstances, James and Lily Potter end up with the boy, who they decide to raise as their own. But when Dean stumbles upon Lisa one day, will the truth out?
Harry Potter x Merlin
1) Destiny Bites — Morgana had been stupid and careless, and now she had to pay the price. It was just her luck, too. The one time she got drunk was the one time that she was wearing a glamour spell and sitting near her idiot half-brother and trying to get information from him. Now she was pregnant, with a baby born of incest and illegitimate royalty. If she wanted him to be safe, she would have to send him away. To a different place, somewhere where no one could ever find him. She named him Mordred, after the sweet little druid boy she met, years ago.
(This would be fun because you can make Harry like the Mordred of original Arthurian legend. He doesn't actually have to be renamed Mordred though. It could take place either in old Camelot, with time travel, or in the HP 'verse, with Merlin still alive and Arthur coming back, as his prophecized.
2) Magic is dying. It has been dying for a thousand years, since the day the Old Religion was torn asunder and its power drained by traitors to its beliefs. Desperate for an answer, Harry travels back to the days of King Arthur in hopes of finding a cure for the plague. However, when he gets there, he is forced to consider that the possibility that everything he knows, everything he cares for, is a lie.
(Essentially the first wizards used Dark Magic to steal the power of the Old Religion, binding it to their bloodlines so only their descendants could wield magic. With the fall of Voldemort the well has been poisoned and all magic is burning itself from their souls, killing them all.)
Harry Potter x Eureka
There are certain elements of the world forbidden even to the brilliant minds of those in Eureka, magic being the chief one. A treaty signed over a century before keeps anyone from every tampering with that raw, chaotic power. So when a teenage boy named Harry shows up, looking for his father Nathan Stark, problems are sure to ensue.
Harry Potter x Supernatural (or just HP)
The Light, the Savior— Harry Potter is more than just a boy wizard, the 'Chosen One'. He is actually Mithras, the Roman God of Light and Rebirth. When Mithras, the most famous god in ancient Rome, lost his followers, he chose to give himself rebirth instead of harvesting humans like his brethren. His memories and powers were bound, until they were either unlocked or his mortal shell died.
“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant."
“When you’re a kid, they tell you it’s all… Grow up, get a job, get married, get a house, have a kid, and that’s it. But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It’s so much darker. And so much madder. And so much better.”
“The universe is big. It’s vast and complicated and ridiculous. And sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen and we call them miracles.”
"It is a strange thing, but when you are dreading something, and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up."
"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
"Great men are forged in fire. It is the privilege of lesser men to light the flame, whatever the cost.”
"There is no good and evil, there is only power, and those too weak to seek it."
"I don't suffer from my insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."
"Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it's a world, or a relationship...everything has its time. And everything ends."
"You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later they're as dull as a brick? Then there's other people, when you meet them you think, 'Not bad. They're okay.' And then you get to know them and... and their face just sort of becomes them. Like their personality's written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful."
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that."
"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them."
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive."
"Age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth."
"Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike."
"A system of morality which is based on relative emotional values is a mere illusion, a thoroughly vulgar conception which has nothing sound in it and nothing true."
Important Things I Have Learned on Tumblr/Pinterest
1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.
On Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a Japanese food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume:
-All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
-Let's flip a coin-heads we'll be together, tails we flip again.
-Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.
-Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
-Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird?
-There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day.
-Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.
-I'm going to live forever, or die trying.
-If I had something good to say, I would have already said it.
-Employee of the month is a good example of how someone can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
-Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.
-Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
-If you get a low enough SAT score, you should be able to park in the handicap space.
-Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.
-I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
-Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
-When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
-Education is important; school however, is another matter.
-You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder!
-Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.
-They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
-I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!
-That, my children, is called a wall. But beware the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.
-Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.
-The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
-I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist.
-If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
-Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?
-Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?
-There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots.
-Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.
-High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.
-It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
-People say satire is dead. It’s not dead. It’s alive and living in the White House.
-I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
-I do not deny everything.
-Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go the store for a quart of milk.
-The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it is unfamiliar territory.
-Always proofread to make you sure you don’t any words out.
-I'm not short; I'm fun sized.
-Love me or hate me; personally I could care less
-Unless you've lived my life, don't judge me because you don't know, never have & never will know every little thing & detail about me
-You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
-When you get caught looking at him, remember he was looking back.
-Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us
-Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
THINGS TO DO WHEN IN WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in houseware to go off at 5 minute
3 . Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the toilet.
4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on hold.
5. Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the houseware and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When an assistant asks if they can help you, begin to cry and
8. While handling knives in the kitchen ware department ask the clerk
9. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme
10. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through shout,
11. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
12. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly..."Hey! We're out of
13. Go into the Butchers Department and start rubbing steaks up and
14. Go to the fruit and veg department - get two bananas' and put one in each pocket - walk around the store calling everyone pilgrim in your best
15. Bring your own DVD, popcorn, sweets, drinks and nibbles and pick a
16. Take boneless chicken breasts out of the packet and throw them skyward whilst screaming" Fly my little ones, fly and be free!"
17. Randomly jump into people's shopping carts asking "Will you be my mommy?"
Fun things to do in an Elevator to freak the other riders out:
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY - DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, and then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity, repost this one your profile!
Harry and Lupin's conversation: If you got the joke and found it extremely funny, copy and paste this onto your profile!
Harry: Are you really a werewolf?
Lupin: Yes Harry.
Harry: Are you fucking serious?!
Lupin: All the time.
Harry: O-o What?
Posting a story does not in any way make me obligated to finish it!
Let's get something straight here, people. I do not write for you. I do not write for my friends. I don't write for experience, or practice, or anything else. I write because I enjoy it and because I have to get the damn ideas out of my head. I don't care if it isn't realistic, or if it is rushed, and I know both are true. If you don't like it, stop reading. I am not trying to win an award from the New York Times.
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