Author has written 19 stories for Bible, and Harry Potter.
In case you haven't noticed, my profile was wiped and I've vanished for months on end. This is due to a few things:
1. I've been having quite a few self-esteem issues as of late. It's strange, because when I first came on here, I was a terrible writer (that story was taken down, thankfully), yet really egotistical about it. Now I know I'm better, know I'm good, yet feel extremely nervous about my stories, so much I've been contemplating taking them down and redoing them all. That's why I wiped my profile, I was self conscious. I even thought about deleting my entire account.
2. I feel like I've lost something. I still get excited with my ideas, with the endless potential of fanfiction, with the countless twists and turns and "what if"s that could have been. I still love writing, the feeling of creating something, and taking a world that has helped me in ways I can't even described and, I don't know, paying tribute in a way? But maybe it's that confidence, or lack or, that makes me only write once in a blue moon. Even then I hardly get any reviews.
Not that I'm trying to be a review hog, but there's a reason we all put these up. I want to learn, to improve, to grow, and what's the point if there's no one there helping me out? What's the point if all I get are the occasional gushers telling me how great I am? That's not what I want. I like getting compliments as much as the next person, but if that's all people ever give to anyone, they're meaningless. I could be the worst writer on here and still get those at this point. I don't know if I'm really good or not. I thought I was before, and looking back on those stupid sites that store stories so I can't take them down, I cringe.
What if I haven't improved as much as I thought, but I don't know because no one will tell me otherwise?
3. Life strikes at the worst possible moments. Not only have I been having a lot of doubts, but there's been major family issues, I've entered into my first year at college, and juggle countless small events that quickly start to add up. It's exhausting, and I feel drained. I might, I think, also be coming down with (mild, it's just mild) depression. It's how I've heard it described, but I'm hoping to work through it.
4. I'm on another site, a smaller one. It's become like a second family on there, and between here and there I'll always choose there. This came first, but within weeks the Harry Potter Fanfiction forums made a far larger impact. Even there I feel self-conscious, I've deleted numerous things even on that site, but I feel safer, accepted. If I write something, I'll post it here, but on the forums is where you'll really find me.
Guys, I love my stories, and I love my characters. I love the fanfiction, trying new things, exploring characters and seeing different views from their eyes. It's fascinating, and I'm not quitting. I doubt I could if I wanted to. I'll still beta short things, and I'll be around to talk any time, but I want you to know why I'm gone. I'll probably add more about this later, but right now I can't find the words.
Oh, how I hate thou, irony.