A Penguin Named Jim
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Joined 11-06-03, id: 482580
Author has written 98 stories for Artemis Fowl, and Lizzie McGuire.

Hello, we are hyper and love you all. Teehee! We love hobos! Whoohoo! Hobos rule! dies This is a shared account. Elaine and Holly are the most amazing writers ever. flies away

Here's a song for your enjoyment:

There's a monkey in my pocket

It's stealing all my change

It's stare is blank and glassy

And I think it is deraa-aaa-aaanged

I hope you enjoyed the amazingness of the song now go read and review our stories! dances

Some of you may recognise some of our more recent stories as they were posted on fanfiction.net many, many years ago on a different account and in another life! But they were cruelly and evilly deleted by the people and fanfiction who apparently did not understand our incredible comic genius. But we have returned and are back for revenge! Despite losing one member of our team we are stronger, better and funnier than ever!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Just in case any of you need convincing that our stories are amazing and that you should read them we have decided to post some very short stories on here to give you a taste of our ultimate, unmatched, awesome, writing skills in the field of comedy.

This is also necessary because if we tried to post these fics on the actual site as stories they would most probably be deleted and we would be banned as they are too short to be posted as stories on their own.

More may be added as I discover more hidden in my bedroom, enjoy:

Ionosphere

One day Artemis became garbled in the Ionosphere.

Root's Nose

"Tee hee" said Root, poking his nose.

Radioactive Root

One day Root became Radioactive and started glowing.

Artemis Passes Wind

FART Artemis passed wind.

Now that you have read and appreciated these fabulous stories, read our actual stories and appreciate our true and total genius! For we are the greatest comedy writers ever! MWAHAHAHA!!!

NAVET ENORMES!!! i.e. Giant Turnips for those of you who are not as educated in the beautiful but slightly froggish language of French.

~ A Penguin Named Jim a.k.a Holly and Elaine a.k.a Holly B and Sheen Rox a.k.a the best writers ever a.k.a Your One And Only God!!!

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Potatoes reviews
This is perhaps one of the greatest love stories ever told, one of the most incredible pieces of fiction you will ever read. Enjoy it, savour it, for you will never again experience something so unbelievably beautiful and emotionally heartwrenching.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 39 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 1 - Published: 10/12/2007 - Complete
Hodgemaflab reviews
Do you believe in miracles? Artemis didn't...until today! In his most desperate hour of need, he reaches out to his one and only Lord and his prayers are answered!
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 52 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 10/12/2007 - Complete
Mappleton reviews
Erosion is a terrible thing, something we cannot control, a fierce beast who wreaks havoc upon our quiet, seaside villages, waiting for you to let your guard down, and then, it strikes! Bringing down what's closest to your heart.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: 53 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 9/29/2007 - Complete
Holly Gets Stuck Up A Telegraph Pole reviews
And you thought sleepwalking could cause you problems...
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 73 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 2 - Published: 9/29/2007 - Complete
The Little Spanish Man reviews
Isn't it annoying when your delicious, sugary, chocolaty breakfast is interrupted by little Spanish men playing lutes?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 54 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/19/2007 - Complete
Mr Fatty reviews
Commander Root is a stern man, one would not expect him to have many friends. But in this beautiful story we see the softer, kinder and more loving side the Commander and we experience a truly heartwarming friendship between a Commander and a Fatty.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 17 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/19/2007 - Complete
Evil Cheese reviews
Perhaps the title of this confusing and complex tale is confusing you. Allow me to explain. This is a story about cheese, cheese which is evil. I hope that has made it clearer, enjoy!
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 22 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Published: 9/19/2007 - Complete
Root and Foaly Fashion reviews
In this action packed and fast paced tale, Root and Foaly compete to be the most fashionable of all the magical creatures. It truly is a clash of the titans. Who will win? You decide! Well not really, we decide!
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 119 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Published: 9/19/2007 - Complete
Three Birds reviews
Artemis has experienced the horror and fear that can be induced by birds many times before in his life, but can anything ever really prepare you for the sight of three birds doing the conga in your back garden?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Western - Chapters: 1 - Words: 43 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/10/2007 - Complete
The Grim Reaper reviews
All of us must eventually face the inevitability of death, but is Butler really ready to face the final curtain?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: 36 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/10/2007 - Complete
Artemis Is Gay reviews
Artemis is dwelling painfully on a difficult question, the answer to which could change his whole life. Who will he turn to for help at such a troubling time?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 22 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/10/2007 - Complete
Wanda and Mr Wiggles reviews
This is perhaps the most distressing, disturbing and tragic tale of all. We have all come to love both Wanda and Mr Wiggles, but can they learn to coexist happily? Or will devastation, despair and death prevail?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 53 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 4 - Published: 7/17/2007 - Complete
Paddling Pool reviews
Artemis is a romantic at heart, and in this touching tale we can see his desire to be loved and cared for by the one girl he truly loves and cares for.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 39 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/17/2007 - Complete
Fashion Disaster reviews
Foaly has always been considered to be a rather stylish centaur, so imagine his horror, and the horror of his work colleagues, when he discovers he has committed the biggest fashion crime possible.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: 65 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 7/17/2007 - Complete
Dangerous Goldfish reviews
The title of this particularly action packed story says it all really. Goldfish can be dangerous, very dangerous, would you know what to do in a Goldfish attack?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Western - Chapters: 1 - Words: 34 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 3 - Published: 7/17/2007 - Complete
Artemis Eats Cheese reviews
Just when you thought Artemis was happy and his marriage was blissful another painful tale is unearthed in which Artemis faces perhaps his greatest betrayal.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 43 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/10/2007 - Complete
The Moley Man reviews
This tale goes beyond the terrifying, beyond the surreal, beyond the truly evil. This tale speaks of a creature so horrifying, even Artemis Fowl, courageous and brave cannot help but quiver in fear before it, how will he survive this terrifying encounter?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 44 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/10/2007 - Complete
Seals Documentary reviews
There's a reason they call Artemis a genius you know, it's because he's a genius, as he proves in this original and ingenious tale where Artemis has a truly brilliant idea. Unfortunately Artemis's colleagues and friends are not always as intelligent.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 78 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/10/2007 - Complete
The Library's Electricty reviews
Once upon a time Artemis discovered a love of the library, but that love is about to be put to the test when the library betrays and angers Artemis, will Artemis be able to forgive and forget or will he take revenge?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 61 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Published: 5/22/2007 - Complete
Magical Chickens reviews
Butler and Juliet have come up against some powerful and deadly enemies in their lives, but they never bargained on this new foe, they're quick, they're intelligent and they have magical powers unheard of, could this be the end for Butler and Juliet?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 92 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 1 - Published: 5/22/2007 - Complete
Artemis Loses His Memory reviews
We have tracked the ups and downs of Holly and Artemis's relationship for some time and perhaps they are about to come up against their biggest test yet. One that will put both their lives and their sanity in danger.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 77 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 5/22/2007 - Complete
Tankinis reviews
After some troubling times and tense chapters in their relationship, Artemis and Butler rediscover their beautiful friendship in this heart warming and beautifully eloquent tale.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 54 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 5/7/2007 - Complete
Artemis The Cow reviews
Holly notice Artemis is acting rather strangely. She decides to investigate this change and a twisting tale of deception, betrayal and dark secrets begins to unfold.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 41 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Published: 5/7/2007 - Complete
Algal Poisoning reviews
Artemis has been faced with many difficult challenges in his short life, but never has he been flung into the terrifying depths of what could be a fatal illness. Will this be one test too many for Artemis?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 35 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 5/7/2007 - Complete
The Poo Poo Dance reviews
The usual blissful marriage of Holly and Artemis is once again thrown into the deep whirlpool of uncertainty when Holly is tempted to stray from her loving and beautifully intelligent husband. Will this be the last straw for Artemis?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 36 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 2 - Published: 4/22/2007 - Complete
Melonhead reviews
A beautifully entrancing tale of the special bond of friendship shared by Artemis and Butler. This story is both touching and captivating.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 16 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 2 - Published: 4/22/2007 - Complete
Artemis's Whiskers reviews
Artemis has had some bizarre and truly disturbing experiences in his life, but could this be the most weird and wonderful of them all?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 23 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/22/2007 - Complete
Hullabalooballarbillay reviews
The last time we saw Juliet she was terribly, cruelly and heartbreakingly turned into a goldfish. Is there any hope for the poor young girl, or is she destined to remain a small pet fish for the rest of her goldfishy days?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 20 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/22/2007 - Complete
Rubber Ducky Game reviews
It has been a rough time for Artemis and Holly, but in this heart warming tale they rediscover their love for each other through a juvenile but immensely fun game!
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 55 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/2/2007 - Complete
Yackety Schmackety reviews
Juliet and Butler's relationship takes an unfortunate turn for the worse...
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 41 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 4/2/2007 - Complete
Hello Toast reviews
Toast...what is toast? Does Artemis know? Do you know? Do you understand the complex intricacies of toast? You're about to find out...
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 130 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 3 - Published: 4/2/2007 - Complete
Artemis's Imaginary Friend reviews
Artemis is thrilled that he has found a new chum, but will Holly be quite as ecstatic with this new found friendship, or could this put yet more strain on their marriage?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 82 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/2/2007 - Complete
Noddy reviews
Artemis discovers the ups and downs of the roller coaster ride that is children's television. It is safe to say that Artemis learn some important lessons from this experience, but at what cost?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 64 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/21/2007 - Complete
Butler's Flugelhorn reviews
Butler has a new hobby, one that will inflict joy, sadness, danger, suspense and horror upon the Fowl residence. Can any good come of this new musical interest or will it fling Butler and his friends once again into desperate peril?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 102 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/21/2007 - Complete
Artemis's New Friend reviews
After the disturbing and yet intriguing encounter with the Invisible, virtual, purple, mutant frog called Wanda Artemis has managed to befriend the invisible, virtual, purple, mutant frog called Wanda, what lies in store for this unlikely pair?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 22 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/21/2007 - Complete
Manicures and Facials reviews
Artemis takes a perfectly innocent trip to the beauty salon, what will he find there? Friend or foe? Danger or safety? Life or death?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 49 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/21/2007 - Complete
The Beard Nibbler reviews
One night Artemis is rudely awakened by his fairy wife who has developed an obscure new fetish. What? Who? Where? Why? Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 43 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/12/2007 - Complete
Invisible Virtual Purple Mutant Frog reviews
Artemis is going about his daily business when he is assaulted by an unusual phenomenon. What is this strange being and what does it want with Artemis? Could this be the end for our beloved hero or could it be the start of a beautiful friendship?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 51 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/12/2007 - Complete
Baldy reviews
A thief is running loose in the Fowl penthouse! Can Artemis track down the thief? Or has he met his match in this new criminal? Either way Artemis will stop at nothing to retrieve his precious red leather dress!
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 81 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/12/2007 - Complete
Caw Caw reviews
Artemis is on a fitness campaign. It all seems to be running smoothly so far. But we all know that these tales don't often end happily. Could there be disaster around the corner? Or did we actually write a story filled with happiness for once?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 24 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 3/12/2007 - Complete
Public Toilet reviews
Artemis and Holly were only trying to take their children out for an exciting birthday, but it all turns rather nasty when one child is involved in a rather complex accident, will anyone be able to save her? Or will she be lost forever?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 69 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Published: 3/12/2007 - Complete
Monkey Poo reviews
I'm sure this has happened to everyone out there, so have some sympathy for poor Artemis and read his tragic tale and be safe in the knowledge that you are not the only one who has suffered this terrible fate.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 41 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/12/2007 - Complete
Disco Dancing Monks reviews
Artemis and Holly have had their problems in the past but they believe a romantic holiday will help them recapture the magic of their marriage. Of course they forgot to factor in the Disco Dancing Monks, will the happy couple survive unscathed?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 66 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/6/2007 - Complete
Gibbons and Vanilla IceCream reviews
Do you really need a summary? The title is pretty selfexplanatory. Gibbons and Vanilla icecream it makes perfect sense!
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 66 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/6/2007 - Complete
Artemis's Piercing reviews
It's so annoying when your strict fairy wife refuses to let you get a piercing, but this time has Holly imposed too many rules upon Artemis, he can only be pushed so far and he's on the brink of rebelling, does this spell disaster?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 64 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 3/6/2007 - Complete
Mulch Has Fizzy Rice reviews
After his traumatic incident in Escalator Land and his rocky relationship with Root, noone thought Mulch would ever find love again, could this be the true love he's always been wishing for?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 112 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 3/6/2007 - Complete
The Beer Tent reviews
Artemis and Holly take their children out for an exciting day at the fair, but things soon turn terrifying and Artemis and Holly are trapped in a deadly situation. Who will Artemis call for in his hour of desperate need?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 176 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/3/2007 - Complete
Squishy reviews
Artemis and Holly discover a new game. But as always with this couple it is destined to end in pain, loss, heartache and deep regrets, will Artemis ever recover?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 42 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/3/2007 - Complete
Fungi reviews
Artemis learns the joys of fungi whilst poor Holly is left alone once again, second best to whatever phenomenon Artemis is discovering that day.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 53 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/3/2007 - Complete
Butler Finds Twinkletoes reviews
The terrible story of Butler's best friend and beautiful plastic pony Twinkletoes has been dramatic, terrifying and deeply upsetting so far, will they ever be reunited in their amazing bond of friendship?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 52 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/3/2007 - Complete
Chix Mole Mania 3 reviews
I bet you thought you'd heard the last from Chix, that you could finally move on from the grief of his terrible death. But unfortunately just when the pain was beginning to ease it intensifies further as another innocent victim is taken by the deadly mole
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 68 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/27/2007 - Complete
Flying Ponies reviews
This is a fic of love, betrayal, grief, new beginnings and disturbing discoveries. Can Artemis's fragile mother cope with the stress of a broken heart? Can Artemis's Senior find happiness once again?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 48 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/27/2007 - Complete
I Like Bananas reviews
Holly and Artemis have had their troubles recently as we all know too well, but in this story we see their relationship restored to its blissful happiness once again.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 27 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/27/2007 - Complete
Twinkletoes reviews
You thought it was just another night for Butler, you thought he was safe, you thought you could sleep soundly in your bed without being in fear for the safety of your blue plastic ponies...think again....
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 47 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/27/2007 - Complete
Artemis Doesn't Like His Hair reviews
After a difficult time in which Artemis struggled for control of his sanity, he finally decides to take action and create a new life for himself, a new start and a new hair cut!
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 51 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/24/2007 - Complete
Ptoly Melons reviews
Ptoly melons are dangerous my children... very dangerous... you shouldn't mess with them... you never know who could get hurt if you mess around with Ptoly melons... You will understand if you dare to read this traumatic piece of fiction.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 25 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/24/2007 - Complete
Attack Of Artemis's Hair reviews
It wasn't long ago that Artemis's grandmother was just an innocent old lady with a balaclava shop, but now she's been robbed twice! But this time the robbery is much more sinister and could mean the end of sanity for Artemis as well as his granny...
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 58 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/24/2007 - Complete
Everyone Likes Artemis's Hair reviews
Artemis's new hair style has attracted a lot of attention, but what will happen when everyone suddenly realises just how stylish it is? Will Artemis be able to accept that he is no longer unique or could this be his undoing?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 66 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/24/2007 - Complete
Blobs Of Sand reviews
When Mulch set off on a regular excursion to the seaside he had no idea of the adventure he was embarking upon, an adventure that would bring danger, excitement and best of all a new best friend.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 46 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 2/22/2007 - Complete
Attack Of The Clowns And Warlocks reviews
Society these days is really going downhill. An innocent old granny can't even run a decent balaclava business without being a risk from masked circus and halloween characters. What's the world coming to!
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 105 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 2/22/2007 - Complete
Detention reviews
Artemis commits a terrible crime against his own dear wife, what will his horrific punishment be and will Holly ever be able to forgive him? And what kind of Penthouse doesn't have a maths room!
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 82 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 2/22/2007 - Complete
Mr Triangle Men reviews
Poor Root can never get moments peace, even is his own home. What will become of the commander in this latest escapade?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 34 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2/22/2007 - Complete
Artemis's New Sexy Dress reviews
Butler finally returns home after his delightful trip to the chipmunk fashion show and presents Artemis with the gift of his dreams. But will this image of perfection bring more pain than pleasure to the Fowl Penthouse?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 92 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/22/2007 - Complete
Chipmunk Fashion Show reviews
Butler finds himself in the midst of a puzzling dilemma, but within all this confusing, something beautiful, shiny and red is about to be discovered which could change the life of Artemis and the gang forever.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 48 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 2/9/2007 - Complete
Artemis's Obsession With Anne Robinson and Sky TV reviews
To Artemis it was just another day, but life had other ideas, life wanted to teach him an important lesson about the power of daytime TV and the dangers of obsession.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 68 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 2/9/2007 - Complete
Clown Washing reviews
Another journey of self discovery takes Artemis to the edges of the earth in search of one of the world's most terrifying and fascinating creatures. Will his great quest be worth it? Or will it all be in vain?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 49 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 2/9/2007 - Complete
Poisson Rouge reviews
What would you do if you found yourself confronted with the difficult situation of being turned into a Goldfish? Could you be as courageous and strong as Juliet?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 39 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 2/9/2007 - Complete
Prune Soup reviews
Another one of Root's experimental cooking escapades goes drastically wrong and Root is left once again fighting for survival.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 22 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/9/2007 - Complete
Root The Hobo reviews
Commander Root...a successful and professional man who is to be respected and admired...or so you thought...what will happen when the poor commander loses everything, how will he cope in such a terrible situation, can he survive life on the streets?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 55 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/5/2007 - Complete
Pizza Delivery reviews
When one decides to order a Pizza for dinner, one expects good, swift and friendly service, but where Holly and Artemis are concerned, nothing is ever so simple, a dramatic tale of Pizza, Tubbies, Flying Motorbikes and our favourite hero returns!
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 120 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/5/2007 - Complete
Oversized Rabbits reviews
Butler has a terrifying and emotionally scarring encounter with a large, fluffy, pink, creature, can he ever recover from this or will he be a quivering mess for the rest of his day?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 30 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 2/5/2007 - Complete
Beards reviews
We all know Holly is a very fashionable fairy, but does she realise what the current trend is going to cost her marriage? Or is she so blinded by the latest fashion that she is willing to risk everything?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 100 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/5/2007 - Complete
Yoga reviews
In this day and age when it is so important to keep fit and stay healthy, Artemis decide to take up an unusual sport, but this one could prove to be more detrimental to his health than Artemis believed possible, who will save the day this time?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 28 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Published: 2/3/2007 - Complete
Tubby PiePies reviews
What Holly thought was going to be a normal day, turns out to be both terrifying and intriguing when she discover she is pregnant once more, but there is another twist in the tale yet to be revealed.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 88 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Published: 2/3/2007 - Complete
Having Fun Isn't Hard reviews
Artemis visits a strange new place, will it turn out to be another disaster or will he discover a new love in this somewhat exhilarating place?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 237 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/3/2007 - Complete
Escalator Land reviews
Mulch embarks on a new and exciting adventure, but it soon turns into a dangerous and even life threatening situation, can anyone save him, or is he doomed to die alone in the world of moving stairs?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 77 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 2/3/2007 - Complete
Melons reviews
Holly has a terrible problem...will she be able to give up her addiction or will it consume her?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 21 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Published: 2/3/2007 - Complete
Stinky Socks And Tea Bags reviews
Another dramatic and insightful chapter into the life of Mulch, what more can we learn about this complex character today?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 33 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/1/2007 - Complete
Root's Confession reviews
Root has been harbouring a deep and and painful secret, a special love is about to emerge in the most tragic of circumstances...
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 38 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/1/2007 - Complete
Giant Ladybirds That Take Over The World reviews
Artemis simply wants to do a nice thing for his beloved wife, but it seems even nature is against him, Artemis may have just unleashed the most deadly threat the world has ever encountered!
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 60 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/1/2007 - Complete
Bachelor Parties And Weddings reviews
Artemis goes for a wild night out, but when the morning comes he realises he may have made a terrible mistake, one that could jeopardise his marriage.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 73 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/1/2007 - Complete
Tubbies And Barbie Hobos reviews
Another one of Artemis's evil schemes goes awry, putting yet more strain on his already rocky relationship with Holly, could this be the end for our favourite couple?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 29 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/29/2007 - Complete
Soggy Lettuce And Hand Knitted Jumpers reviews
What appeared to be just another day for Mulch, quickly became one of most exciting and compelling chapters in the long and winding story of his life.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 36 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/29/2007 - Complete
Chix Mole Mania 2 reviews
The second installment of the epic story of Chix's experience with a mole, perhaps even more terrifying than the first episode. The torment of not knowing will be briefly eased for all you fascinated readers.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 38 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/29/2007 - Complete
Big Blob Of Chocolate Flavoured Mush reviews
Butler has a terrifying encounter with a troll, could this be the end for our feathered friend?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 31 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 1/29/2007 - Complete
Mmmmmmhhhhhrrrrrrrr The Ukulele reviews
Root is confronted with a tempting offer, will his hasty decisions be his ultimate downfall?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 145 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/27/2007 - Complete
Artemis Likes His Hair reviews
Holly challenges Artemis about the offensive state of his hair and Artemis is forced to make a life changing, style choice.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 24 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 2 - Published: 1/27/2007 - Complete
Holly's Death Involving Purple Warping Monkeys reviews
Artemis plans an exciting trip for Holly's birthday but it is doomed from the start to end in tragedy.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 74 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/27/2007 - Complete
Chix Mole Mania reviews
Chix has a terrifying and possibly life threatening experience with a mole
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 20 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/27/2007 - Complete
Attack Of The Cannibalistic Guinea Pigs reviews
Holly is captured, will Artemis be able to save her? Or will a new hero emerge during this epic actionadventure tale?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 202 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/23/2007 - Complete
Attack Of The Fluffy Pink Levers reviews
Root returns home to a deeply shocking scene.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 40 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 1/23/2007 - Complete
Long Chain Fatty Acids reviews
Root is involved in an intriguing incident.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 36 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 1/23/2007 - Complete
Foaly's Obsession With Wooden Trains reviews
Foaly develops an exciting but deadly new hobby.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 38 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/23/2007 - Complete
The Ways Of The Nanny reviews
Artemis and Holly start a family and have to adjust to the pressure of having 73 children.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 345 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Published: 1/23/2007 - Complete
Treasury Tag Tragedy reviews
This is the beautiful but painful story of the life of some Treasury Tags.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 191 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12/19/2005 - Mulch D. - Complete
The Magicalness Of Artemis's Head reviews
A magical story, about a magical head.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K - English - Supernatural/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 109 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12/18/2005 - Artemis F., Holly S. - Complete
The Treachery Of Gordo's Hair reviews
In our opinion, Gordo's hair is quite obviously the best character on LM and he therefore deserves his own fic. LMGH GGH
Lizzie McGuire - Rated: K - English - Humor/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 318 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/12/2005
Artemis And The Old Man reviews
A touching tale of love, betrayal and an old man named Tubby. Reposted after the poo heads at FanFic removed it!
Artemis Fowl - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 249 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 3 - Published: 2/17/2004 - Complete