I'm a closet HOLIX fan. My son saw a few episodes but never got into it and it's embarrassing for a grown woman to watch kiddie cartoons without her kids (with a few exceptions). I was upset with how the series ended and decided to try my hand at trying to end it better... at least in my own mind. I'm actually a math teacher and have no background in writing.

I wrote those words in the beginning of the Summer of 2013.

I thought it was only going to be one fanfic... Then I wanted to wrap up a loose end... Then I had to stupidly leave a cliffhanger... Then the holidays are coming up...

Needless to say I am torn... Hence these quotes:

Writing is more than anything a compulsion, like some people wash their hands thirty times a day for fear of awful consequences.

-Julie Burhill

Writing is not a profession, but a vocation of unhappiness.

-Georges Simenon

Writing is really horribly hard and I mistrust writers who say it's fun. Writing is a lot of fun - after you've done it. Beginning it is painful and you always think you've forgotten how.

-Roger Angell

I've been toying with the idea of adding more about myself on the bio page but I don't really want any of my students finding me if any of them are on this site.

So I'll keep this brief. I know about teenagers because I work with them everyday as a math teacher. I know about little kids because when I joined this site my son was 10 and my daughter was 7. I know about adults because... well let's just say if any of you are 20 years old and under I'm old enough to be your mother. I'm not sure if it's creepy or not that I know more about comics and cartoons than any grown woman should. I don't have a background in writing. I just have a crazy overactive imagination that I keep hidden from everyone I know. So this is sort of my secret life. I'm mainly writing for Gen Rex because I hate things not being canon. So things that are still around and being rebooted (ie. Avengers, Batman, Spiderman, Superman, etc.) I can't write about. But since Gen Rex is pretty much gone I feel I have free reign to imagine what I want. That and the fact that they left more questions than answers when they ended prompted me onto this forum. I really don't have much time to spend but this is sort of addictive. Hope you've been enjoying it.

I just found out that Rex shows up on the new Ben 10 reboot. But this is very different from the original. I guess I'll always stick to the original since I've started in this world. But it seems that Men of Action really wanted Ben and Rex to be in the same universe. That alone would change so much of the story of Generator Rex. I don't know what will happen in the future. We will have to see.

BTW If you've noticed that I don't favor stories, it is because I'd rather not clutter my site with all the possible stories I like. If you want to see some of the stories I like, I've been submitting them to Communities- Best out There, Voted by YOU! run by cheesycheeselovr (Go to her site to find her community. While you are there, check out her great stories.). I generally submit stories that are complete because I hate reading unfinished stories. I really want to know what happens next. That's why I'm going to try my best to finish all my stories.

I am Christian so I hope you don't mind, but I do generally pray blessings for anyone who reads, reviews, favors, or follows my stories. Also to add I don't write lemons, limes, slashes, or anything I don't want my own children reading.

RIP (Nov. 9, 2015) Daisy the guinea pig. You'll be missed, especially by my son and your sister Maria.

RIP (Jan. 14, 2018) Maria the guinea pig. You were a good guinea pig. We will miss you.

Update 9/2/24 My apartment had a fire. Everyone is fine but the apartment is unlivable. I lost my laptop that had all my work. I'm going to have to go on a hiatus till further notice. (I would still like to try for a Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas/New Year one shots but I don't know how things will go.) Please support the other creators on this site for this fandom. Let's try to keep Generation Rex alive!

Update 1/22/23 My mom passed away this morning at the hospital. It was unexpected since she was actually recovering. We were planning on taking her home soon. But in a sense she is home with her Lord. She is no longer suffering. It’s we who are left that will horribly miss her.

I will continue writing but right now my heart is broken and I need time to plan the funeral and take care of the other logistics. Please be patient and thank you for your support. God bless you and keep you all.

THE GENERATOR REX SKETCH THAT I NOW HAVE ON MY GEN REX STORIES IS BY FRANK CASSUTO. I ASKED HIM TO SKETCH IT IN 2023 AND FOR PERMISSION TO USE IT. HE IS A VERY TALENTED ARTIST. LOOK HIM UP ON INSTAGRAM WITH HIS NAME NO SPACE.

So someone suggested I include a continuum for my stories so they know what order to go in. So here it goes:(BTW Complete usually means completed so no need to follow it... I mean unless you want to. Frankly, you can do whatever you want. But for those following I hope you're not expecting an update for completed work, is all. )

Generator Rex: Made-up Season 4 (Complete)My first foray into the fanfic world. What happens after the World-Wide Cure? The adventure continues. I thought it was okay but had many flaws. (I just re-read it. OMG, there's so many grammar errors! No wonder someone thought I didn't speak English. So embarrassed. 00RaiserGundam has graciously proofread my chapters. I have them and will go over them when I have time but rest assured Gundam your work is not in vain. I thank you very much.)

Generator Rex: Six's Story (Complete) I wanted to explore Six's and Holiday's relationship and there was one part in the previous story that I wanted to explain... mainly what happened to Six's katana.

Generator Rex: Christmas Countdown (Complete) I wanted to write something fun for the holidays. Thank you Neopuff for allowing me to use your characters.

Generator Rex: New Year (Complete) I wanted some serious HOLIX!

Generator Rex: A Valentine's Story Sort of (Complete) It started out as a sweet story that ballooned to this crazy, I-don't-know-how-to-end-this-or-where-I'm-going-with-this story. Still some of you liked it.

Generator Rex: Amusement Park Saga (Complete) This is probably the weakest of my stories. Mainly because my son insisted on helping me. (Don't tell him I said that.) I had to restrain him otherwise this would have been one potty joke, bad pun, and mindless violent incident after another.

Generator Rex: Mystery on the Farm (Complete)Someone said there wasn't many mysteries on this site so I took that as a challenge to try to write one. I thought it turned out meh. Mysteries are hard. If I were to do it again, I would write the whole thing first then post. But it's a catch-22 because posting it was the only thing motivating me to finish writing it. Rex, Caesar, Beverly, and Circe visit the Salazar's family farm in Argentina and find a body buried on their property.

Generator Rex: Made-up Season 5 (Complete) This did not turn out the way I wanted. There was suppose to be two arcs. The first is the "drug arc" and the second was suppose to be "it came from beyond" arc. The first arc was suppose to have 10 episodes. It has ballooned considerably and turned into a Degrassi Junior High type story. People are turning into EVOs. Rex and the gang need to find out what's causing it and how to stop it in the midst of their own personal crises.

Generator Rex: Valentine's Day Countdown:(Complete) This is ALL FLUFF! 14 Days of it! No lemons, limes, or slashes. Just stories about friendship, family, and love. Cirex; Noah/Claire; Rafael/Violeta (Rex's parents); Annie/Federico; Beverly/Caesar; Peter and Sarah Meechum; Bobo; Biowulf,Breach,and Skalamander; Rombauer and Lansky; Calan/Valentina; Beasly and Wade; Walter/Kenwyn; Tuck/Cricket; Holix

Generator Rex: Made-up Season 6 (Complete): To continue the story from season 5. Things thought gone resurfaces. How will the gang deal with the pressure? Will their relationships survive? Will they?

Generator Rex: Another Typical Valentine's Day (Complete) My OCD says I have to write a story for Valentine's Day. I don't know if I can keep this up. I barely finished this in time. Rex wants to do something special with Circe for Valentine's Day. He doesn't have the money so he takes a working vacation... minus telling Circe about the working part. Rombauer and Lansky show up. You know this can't be good. Mention of HOLIX and Beverly/Caesar.

Generator Rex: Made-up Season 7: (Complete) Am I crazy? What am I doing trying to write another season? Okay, okay, this is for you guys. Please do me a favor and review because I really, really don't know what I'm doing. Six and Rebecca are preparing for their nuptials. Meanwhile an unknown threat appears out of nowhere. Old friends reappear; new friends are made; and Rebecca's family drives her crazy. Will Six and Rebecca ever make it to the altar?

Generator Rex: Family Christmas: (Complete) This is my yearly Christmas offering. Rex and Caesar introduce their friends to Abuela.

Generator Rex: Valentine's Day Anthology:(Complete) I had wanted to continue my tradition of doing a Valentine's story. I had wanted to be ambitious and do another countdown like I did two years ago. I only managed to pre-write 6 stories. And I wasn't sure if I would be able to do more. So instead of a countdown I decided to call it an anthology. Also going through the list of people I wrote about two years ago, I'm not sure I have stories for all of them. Anyway, I'll see what I can do. Warning: pure fluff.

Generator Rex: Made-up Season 8:(Complete) PS: Before reading this season you have to be familiar with Generator Rex: Generation Next otherwise this might be a little hard to understand. This is a Gen Next meet Gen Rex. Zag-RS returns in the future and tries to change the past.

Generator Rex: Sidebar: (In progress) These are stand alone stories about our favorite minor characters. Please make requests.

Generator Rex: Season 3 Made-up Filler Episode:(In progress) I had a request to rewrite Season 3 so that it doesn't seem so rushed. I don't change cannon. So I decided to put in "episodes" in between to fill in some gaps. Like everything else, I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm playing it by ear. Since this is not really necessary I can end anytime and not feel too bad.

Generator Rex: Christmas Part Deux: (Complete) Another Christmas story that I finished way too late.

Generator Rex: Made-up Season 9 ???

Generator Rex: Made-up Season 10 ???

These are my stand alone stories or finishing up other people's fanfic:

Generator Rex: Once Upon a Story Time: (Complete) Rex reads a story to Sarah while she is indisposed with a bum leg. Does the characters seem familiar?

Generator Rex/Ben Ten Crossover: (thinking about it) I wanted to do a proper crossover. I threw Ben and gang into one of my seasons but I want to throw Generator Rex into Ben's world...

Generator Rex: Thanksgiving (Complete) Nuff said.

Generator Rex: Prank War (Complete) I was particularly proud of this one. I wrote it in one day and it made my son laugh hysterically. Then again it's not hard to make a 10 year old laugh hysterically. It's Bobo Vs. Rex in a prank war.

Generator Rex: One Day 20 Years Later (Complete) This was requested by Dimmension Traveler (By the way check out her fics) who wanted a one shot on future Rex and the gang.

Generator Rex: Another Day 20 Years Later (Complete) This was written on my way home from a parent-teacher conference. I was tired and feeling silly. Six contemplates his life.

Generator Rex: Generation Next (in progress) This was requested by SDF who wanted stories on the gang's children. I'm a stickler for sticking to canon so I was wary about making up characters. But you guys really like it so I'm going to keep it going indefinitely as long as I get ideas, I'll update. BTW KakaAnko has put up her rendition of the HOLIX Kids (/art/Holix-kids-580234747) on her DeviantArt () account. It's awesome. Check it out. (BTW FFN won't let you link to outside accounts apparently so you'll have to cut and paste the link. Sorry.)

Generator Rex: Generation Next: How I Spent My Summer Vacation (Complete). My continuing saga of the future Gen Rex-ers while they are on a family vacation together.

Generator Rex: What if (Complete) This was requested by WeepingAngels9. Again I am a canon girl and was wary of creating an OC but it was a request. What if Six found his long lost sister?

Generator Rex: What if Part 2? (Complete) This was a request for Circe to meet her parents. In my head canon I believe that Circe's parents are dead. So this is AU to me. Circe's life story is influenced somewhat by SunBinamra's story Hear Me Roar. Go give her stories a read. She's a very good writer.

Generator Rex: What if Part 2-2? (Complete) This is another request to expand on Circe's relationship with the little brother she met up with in the last What if Part 2 story. It's a Christmas story. Enjoy.

Hidden in a Blade(Continuation) (Complete) Asha Carcella started this story but then discontinued it so I asked permission to finish it. The original is really good. You can judge if I did it justice.

Son Like Father(Continuation) (Complete) extremists (Check out her stories) started this but lost interest. I wanted a challenge to see if I could finish it. I don't think I did a good job because again I have a hard time with OC's especially when they are not mine.

Generator Rex: Bless the Broken Road (Complete)After thinking through several stories with different quotes and lyrics I thought I found the perfect song to answer cheesycheeselovr's challenge of writing a fic based on a quote. Then I get an email asking me to get rid of all the lyrics since I'm violating copyrighted material. Anyway, I was disappointed. Apparently, disclaimers are not enough to use lyrics. I hope you still enjoy the story about Holiday and Six but I feel like it's missing something now.

Generator Rex: A Cord of Three (Complete) Because I feel like I've failed the quote challenge (because I had to get rid of my quote) I wrote this based on a quote I know I can use. I did it fairly quick so it may not be as good as it could be.

Generator Rex: Where I Belong (Complete) Someone left a message asking for a Rex and Holiday story. I hope this is what they meant. I wanted to explore Holiday and Rex's relationship with each other. Because did you ever wonder what kind of interaction they must have had in order for Rex to be so devoted to her?

Generator Rex: Trading Spaces: (Complete)There's a wonderful writer named Lina Trinch on this site and she wrote some awesome Gen Rex fics. Unfortunately, after they cancelled the show she has lost interest in continuing writing for this fandom. Even more unfortunate is that she started a wonderful story called Switched Out that she never finished. I asked for permission to finish it but she politely declined which is well within her right. However, she has given me permission to roll with her idea and I'm going to try my best to come up with something as good as her story. (Although I have a feeling I'm going to fall short.)

Generator Rex:Love in the time of txtspk (Complete) Inspired when watching my son troll people on Minecraft and my students who won't put away their phones in the middle of class. So I combined that idea with Cirex and this is what you get.

Generator Rex: Twas the Night Before Christmas: (Complete) I have been trying to write a poem for a while and now I realize why I don't. I suck at it and it's hard. It's a totally different skill set than writing a story. I highly respect you poets out there. Anyway, this is a Christmas Gen Rex poem from season 1. Hope it's not too contrived.

Generator Rex: 50 First Dates: (in progress?) Okay, this is a Beverly/Caesar pairing to go along with my stories. BUT I NEED YOUR HELP! Please, suggest some ideas for dates. If they fit and I can work it in I will turn it into a story. Thank you queenemily for suggestions, now how about the rest of you? I don't feel the need to actually do 50 actual stories since most are stand alones. So if inspiration hits I'll write but if not it's done. But definitely at 50 chapters I'm closing this fic.

Generator Rex: Conversations: (Complete) I was bored. Actually, don't tell anyone but I have a constant hum of characters talking in my head. (I'm pretty sure I'm crazy, but have been able to keep it under wraps. I'm sure when I get old and senile I will no longer have the filter on my brain that says fantasy vs. reality. Then my poor kids will have to put me in a home. lol) I wish there were more people writing for this so I don't feel like I have to constantly write and update. Honestly, I was going to disappear for a while then come back with the last season in the summer. What happened? I'm so OCD. Your gain I guess or loss depending if you like my stories or not. Oh and the last part of this rambling is that I LOVE HOLIX! After 1 year 2 months and 19 days I am done, baby! Woah, that took a while, didn't it? It also kinda ended with a whimper with very little reviews at the end. But hey it's done. Hope you enjoyed that ride.

Generator Rex: Driving Miss Holiday: (Complete) I don't know what possessed me to put the poll up. But I did and I would never expect that this one would win out. So here it is. Holiday tries to teach Rex how to drive. This will not end well.

Generator Rex: 12 Days of Providence: (Complete) Based on the song 12 Days of Christmas. This is my Christmas offering for this year. Hope you like it.

Going In Blind(Continuation) by shamelessfangirl: (Complete) I had PM'ed her a while ago offering help to finish this story. We batted around a few ideas and she seemed excited about what she could write. I waited for awhile and every so often would check in to see how she was doing. In actuality I am more concerned about you as a person than the story because if you're not writing maybe something is wrong. Then in the beginning of this month I noticed that she had deactivated her site. Reading her profile page confirmed it. I know it's a silly reaction because after all it's just fanfiction (and I don't really know you)but it made me very sad(to put it mildly). I'm kinda worried about you shamelessfangirl. I hope you are okay. But you've disabled your PM so I can't ask so I can only pray that you are fine and that one day you will return to writing. I hope if you are reading this you will keep in touch by leaving comments once in a while to let me know you're okay. Take care of yourself. So on her page she generously offered anyone to adopt her stories. Since we talked about this I wanted to give this an ending.

Saving Six(Continuation) by shamelessfangirl:(Complete) When I was going through my email I found one from SFG and remembered her saying that she wanted to finish this story about Six. She had originally meant it to be a one-shot but kinda left Six hanging. She said she was going to resolve that but then she went off the grid. (I'm still hoping you come back.)Anyway, I hope I did it justice. Please comment.

Generator Rex: The Numbers:(Complete) So I got two requests (first from rebecca taylor and then from Little Miss Actress) to write about The Numbers (or The Six as some of you call them). I had an idea but it would be a while before I got to it so I decided to write a simple one to tie you guys over. Five needs Six for a job so she blackmails him. Rex tags along. This will be interesting.

Generator Rex: Mints:(Complete) Just some random story that came to me. It was easy to write and I was tired of writing long complex plots. Sorry about the rant at the end. I'm probably going to delete that. For anyone who's interested, I was complaining about not being motivated about writing. But really the true culprit it that I was doing my student's grades and I got depressed. Thanks to some nice comments, I am getting some of my motivation back. Anyway, the story is about the mints in Six's pocket.

Generator Rex: Timeless:(Complete) This is the story I mentioned I was thinking of doing. It's not AU. It's when Rebecca and Six first meet without knowing it. Kinda inspired by young Six or young Holiday stories. But I want HOLIX so why not? CandyJohy did a nice picture of Rebecca on her deviant art page. Check it out. (https:///candyjohy/art/Rebecca-Holiday-612011741)

15 Again(Continuation): (Complete) So thereal13thfirewolf is another great writer on this site. She has decided not to continue her Generator Rex stories. So she generously allowed me to finish this one. It's very good and I hope I do it justice. Six is turned into a teenager and Rex into a 4 year old. Can Providence survive a angsty teenager and a wiggly little kid?

Kidnapping(Continuation):(Complete) Another one of thereal13thfirewolf's story. Rex is kidnapped while sick by Van Kleiss. But his illness reminds Van Kleiss of when they were friends. What will happen?

Generator Rex: Rex vs. (In progress): This is a series of stories of Rex in college. I decided to format it as Rex vs. as a homage to Dinosaur vs. series that my kids liked. I thought it would add a humorous touch to this fic. That doesn't mean I won't do anything serious but it's a fine balance and difficult to do. Also my college days are far behind me. Let me put it this way, my son is closer to going college than me graduating from college which includes getting my master degree. Yeah, I'm old, as my son likes to remind me... BTW this will not go on indefinitely. When I feel I've exhausted all ideas, I'm going to end it. Generator

Generator Rex: Gravity AU(Complete): In season 1 Episode 14 named Gravity, Rex saves Holiday from a falling Space Station. What if Holiday hadn't survived? How would Six deal with it? What if he was given a chance to do it over again? Can he save her the second time around? Warning: It's not the typical happy ending.

Generator Rex: A Numbers Game (Complete): This is my first rated M story. Not to worry it doesn't have the usual rated M stuff just not something I necessarily want really young people to read. Six and Holiday are enjoying the idyllic married life until his past catches up with him. A hit has been put out on him and The Numbers. Now it's a race against time to figure out what's going on and stop it before it's too late. Please review and updates will be slow.

Generator Rex: Rex's First Christmas (Complete): Why do I make myself write a Christmas story every year? Well, I hope you like it. I'm not even sure who's still here reading. I guess if you read, I'll write. Let me know if you are, okay? This is the story of Rex's first Christmas at Providence.

Generator Rex: Something Wicked This Way Comes(Complete): Okay, I'm stupid. But I really wanted to write for every genre listed on Fan Fiction. I have yet to do Horror. So this year I was planning to do a Halloween special. But I really should have waited till next year. I got hit by life and I don't have time to write. Rex wakes up from a vivid nightmare to find that he has gravely injured Dr. Holiday. Can he and Six get to the bottom of it before he hurts the people he loves?

Generator Rex: My Funny Valentine (Complete): The gang try to give new parents Six and Rebecca the night off. I'm not sure how many more Valentine Day stories I can churn out. Enjoy it while you can.

Six of One, Half Dozen of the Other (Complete): I had a dream many moons ago about Generator Rex and Quantum Leap. I put up a poll to see who would read it since I'm sure there are no overlap between the two groups. But Quantum Leap is a great show (at least until it jumped the shark) and the premise was a way to explore Six and Rebecca's relationship through a different character's eyes. Definitely an AU and I don't expect much reviews or even likes but for the 9 people who said they'd read it from my poll, I hope you enjoy it. This is purely a labor of love.

Generator Rex: Lost :(Complete) I contacted Solstixus and asked if I could use one of her ideas (Not Hurricane Whisper). She gave me permission. This will be my next long story since I don't plan on doing any more made up seasons any time soon. But updates may be slow as time and motivation is small. Six and Holiday are lost in the desert. They must rely and trust each other to survive while a maniac hunts them down.

Generator Rex: Dreamscape: (Complete) PinkNinjaa contacted me and asked if I could write a story about Rex stuck in a different world. I was hesitant at first because there are so many good ones already out there like Asleep by Tessadragon or Just One Yesterday by Shitsuren69. If you haven't read them yet, you really should. So I'm a little worried that this will be derivative. Let me know what you think. I have a vague idea where this is going but I'm really writing by ear. Rex wakes up in a world that is both familiar and not. The problem is he can't remember what it was supposed to be. Is his memory just playing tricks on him or is there something sinister going on? Please let me know what do you think.

Generator Rex: Classic Valentine's Day Story: (Complete) I'm really trying to continue my tradition of getting out a Valentine's story for you. I felt bad I didn't get out a HOLIX for Christmas but it's been hard to write when I'm no longer motivated. So I hope this sort of makes up for it. A guest has made a suggestion for another HOLIX story. I'll see what I can do. I need to make sure the story makes sense and doesn't suck.

Other stories that I have finished but are posted on the other person's site are:

An eye for an eye by DarkGreenForest4 (Completed) She's an extremely talented writer but just didn't have time to finish this. Reviewer Zilkenian pointed out and rightly so that I switched POV's way too much. So sorry about that. It was my first attempt at POV's. I generally avoid first person and go for the omniscient third person point of view. I find first person too restricting.

Planet Abysus by DarkGreenForest4 (Completed) Again it was a great story but she didn't have time to finish. I sent her the completed story in one whole piece so I think she's been cutting and pasting the chapters so the formatting got messed up. I re-sent her each chapter separately. She finally finished posting it all. Send her a note to thank her.

One-shot Collection from DreamTeam2: She asked for some one shots of Rex being hurt so I wrote two- Chapters 1 and 3.

Lycanthrope by thereal13thfirewolf: (Completed) I finished writing her last incomplete Generator Rex story. Go to her site to read it. She also has changed accounts. Her new one is DemiBoyDoesStuff.

Non-Generator Rex Stories:

He Man: How I Met Your Mother: (Completed) So I've written a story for an even more obscure fandom... He-Man. Yeah, I'm a child of the 80's and so I was raised on this. Recently, I showed my daughter some old episodes. She loved it. When we watched Rainbow Warrior together, she was enthralled. The show reminded me of the dream I had back in the day after watching this episode. So I decided to polish it and submit. This is probably my first and last He-Man fic (not really a He-Man fic, since it's all about He-Man's parents but I digress) since I really have nothing to add beyond this. The writers there already have everything well covered. They don't need me.

He Man: Mother and Child Reunion: (Completed) A mother's day fluffy fic for He Man fans.

GI Joe: The Misadventures of Beach Head and Cover Girl:(Completed) So there's a great writer for the GI Joe fandom named willwrite4fics. She has some great stories that paired Beach Head and Cover Girl. It may seem a little strange at first but if you think about it it's possible. Neither were really attached to anyone. Sometimes Cover Girl gets paired off with Shipwreck but he already has too many girlfriends. Anyway, it's not canon so not many people write in that vein. She recently announced that she wanted to concentrate on other things which is totally within her right but now what do I do? I guess I have to write my own stories. These will be slow in updates since most of my energies are focused on keeping GenRex alive.

Gi Joe: The New Misadventures of Beach Head and Cover Girl:(Completed) What am I doing? Why am I starting a new story with these two? Haven't I learned my lesson about starting stories when I have no time? So anyway, sorry, these updates will be slow... painfully slow. I don't think their story is over yet so I had to continue. bare with me, I will get to it especially since they are yelling at me to continue... ( I finished the arc but might do stand alone stories. We'll have to see.)

Happy Reading and God Bless!

If you're not interested don't read this part.

Why am I a Christian?

I was born into a Christian home. But in everyone’s life, you reach an existential crisis where you start questioning what you believe in. Mine came when my grandma got terminal cancer.

I remember the day my mom came home and told us grandma had lung cancer. My first reaction was disbelief; my second was that Jesus could cure her. And so I began to pray diligently. Never before had I prayed so faithfully for anyone. I was sure that Jesus would cure her. But day in and day out I saw my grandma get worse and worse. The chemo made her nauseous and she started to lose her hair. She soon became nothing more than skin and bones. The morphine the doctor prescribed for her intense pain sometimes didn’t help and I could hear her moaning in agony. The medicine also addled her brain. She no longer recognized me. Once she thought I was 3 years old and scolded me for wearing a dirty shirt and got agitated when I wouldn’t take it off for her to wash.

Despite all this I believe Jesus would cure her. So I continued to pray but nothing happened. My faith was suddenly shaken. My grandma was Christian after all. She loved the Lord. In her coherent moments she would thank her God and had dreams of Jesus welcoming her into heaven. Why was Jesus allowing this to happen to her? Doesn’t he care?

Then one night I had a dream about my grandma. She said good-bye to me and left. It was then I knew God was not going to cure her and that she had died. When my mother woke my sister and me in the morning, I already knew. I was too numb to feel anything. I couldn’t cry. All I could do was ask Him why?

During the funeral I wrestled with him in my thoughts. Didn’t I pray hard enough? Didn’t I ask for a good thing? How could healing my grandma be anything but good? She was too young to die. She was only 60. She’ll never see me graduate from junior high, high school or college. She won’t be there when I get married or when I have children. She was no longer there - apart of my life. Why God why?

Then I heard God speak to me not in an audible voice but in my spirit. “My reasons are for me to know. But I love you and care for you and my comfort I leave you. Just trust me.” I had come to God with questions and God threw the ball back into my court. Will I trust him? I would like to say that I immediately put all my trust in Him and promised to follow Him no matter what, but the truth was I couldn’t - not right away. I apologized to God and said, “God right now I’m very disappointed in you but I know you are real and I want to follow you. Please help me.” It was the beginning of the process of God leading me rather than I trying to live on my own with God sprinkled in. It took a long time before I got over my disappointment. That day though, at the funeral, God gave me an amazing sense of peace and as we were driving back from the cemetery the rain stopped and the sun shown through as if telling me that my grandma was okay and that everything will be okay.

My Mom's Story or further reasons why I am Christian.

Recently, I found that my mom's brain is shrinking. She's in the early stages of dementia. Because of that these stories of her are even more important. It is part of her legacy and mine.

My mom was born in 1937 in Toi San, China. When she was a child, her family was so poor her father tried to sell her. But her mother convinced him not to because when she was a baby a blind fortune teller said that she was the key to their fortune. But as my mother grew up she had to face famine (to this day she greets me with have you eaten yet), a crazy grandmother (she was abusive) and World War II (the fear of the Japanese soldiers invading her village and killing everyone).

Then when she was about 12 her father decided to relocate the family to Hong Kong. But he was going to leave her with her crazy abusive grandmother. My mother couldn't bear the thought of living with her so when the family left for the port she followed behind secretly on foot. No one noticed her until it was too late for them to send her back. When she arrived in Hong Kong she hung out with her mother until she realized that other kids went to school. Seeking to better herself she managed to get her father to agree to send her. She was the oldest kid in her class. She worked diligently to catch up.

My mom did well in her classes, got elected as class representative for three years straight, and liked writing especially poetry. But then her father demanded she get married to an American so she can bring the family to America. She refused and he disowned her. He treated her badly. When the nuns that ran the school found out, they got her a job at the school as a teacher's assistant to pay for her schooling. Her father would berate her every night she came home.

Because of her circumstances she gave up her dreams of being a poet so that she could go for her nursing degree so she could support herself. After becoming a midwife she was able to make enough money to actually give to her family. Yes, even her father. She got a job in Canada. She spoke no English when she arrived but they had a nursing shortage so they took her. In her spare time she studied English.

One day she visited a cousin in America. She help my mother get a job in a nursing home. She never went back to Canada. She became a citizen. She saved enough money to bring her whole family to America. Sadly her beloved mother passed away in Hong Kong before she had a chance to come to America. She managed to help put her younger brothers through college (all three of them).

But the most remarkable part of this story was that she became a Christian in Hong Kong and she had told me that even before she knew God, when she was in China, she would sit on the roof of her house, look at the stars, and knew there was someone watching out for her. The biggest testimony of her life was that she forgave her father for everything, which can only be because of the love of Christ. When I was growing up, my grandfather was a stern man but he took care of me and I can't imagine him being the way my mother described him. He eventually also became Christian. He married my step-grandmother (She's the one who died in the previous passage) and took care of her even in her sickness. My mother has been a source of inspiration to me. Even in my worst day I know there is hope and there is someone looking out for me.

On January 22, 2023 (on Chinese New Year) at around 5AM my mom passed away in her sleep in the hospital. She was recovering from surgery. Everything was fine, she was healing, and then her heart stopped. She went home to be with the Lord peacefully in her sleep. We are reeling still after so many months but she has left her mark on many people and will continue to do so through me and my sister. My dad is in worse shape. They've been married for 52 years. He has dementia now and asks where she is everyday. It's tough but we soldier on.

God Bless.