American Chimpanzee
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Joined 08-22-13, id: 5048348, Profile Updated: 01-02-16
Author has written 28 stories for Fifty Shades Trilogy, Bible, Lucy, Seinfeld, Star Wars, Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Dracula, SpongeBob SquarePants, Walking Dead, Planet of the Apes, Scarface, To Kill a Mockingbird, Misc. Movies, Forrest Gump, Quantum Leap, Twilight Zone, Peanuts, Titanic, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, It's a Wonderful Life, Wizard of Oz, MAGNUM P.I., and Princess Bride.

All content has been written for humorous and entertainment purposes only.

None of it should be taken seriously at any time.

Ever.

These are works of satire and occasional parody.

Please consider this an invitation to visit my other humor sites:

RaisingDad at fictionpress.com

and

Random Acts of Nonsense at fictionpress.com

@JimDuchene

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Biblelicious (saving souls, one offensive story at a time) reviews
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Bible - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 9 - Words: 8,298 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 2/13 - Published: 12/23/2013
Queen Elizabeth's Sapphire Jubilee reviews
I'm not saying the queen is old, but her birth certificate is a rock.
Princess Bride - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 969 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2/8
GRANDPA PI reviews
It's not commonly known, but Albert Einstein was capable of traveling FASTER than the speed of light, but never did because he was afraid of the dark.
MAGNUM P.I. - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 928 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2/2
Final Chapter Of My Fifty Shades Parody
"What's that you keep looking at?" the bartender asked his female customer. "It's a picture of my husband," she answered. "When he starts to look good, it's time to go home."
Crossover - Wizard of Oz & Fifty Shades Trilogy - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 789 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/23
Fifty Shades of Grey Hair reviews
I wish I could take credit, but, like in "Kate & Jose," these stories are based on classic naughty jokes. Such as: "Bigamy is having one wife or husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
Fifty Shades Trilogy - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 50 - Words: 16,634 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 1/1 - Published: 8/2/2014 - Anastasia S.
It's A Wonderful Legacy reviews
Why do Santa's elves make such good workers? Because they focus on the present.
Crossover - It's a Wonderful Life & Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,037 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 12/26/2016 - Complete
Fifty Shades: The Further Adventures of Kate & Jose reviews
Like "Grey Hair," these stories are all based on classic naughty jokes along the lines of: "Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician."
Fifty Shades Trilogy - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 2,890 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 12/16/2016 - Published: 1/17/2016
Rudolph the Red-Faced Reindeer reviews
I'm not saying my ex's family is unsophisticated, but their Thanksgiving was ruined when they ran out of ketchup.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 916 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 12/1/2016 - Complete
Fifty Shades of Gnocchi (and other literary shenanigans) reviews
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather. Peacefully. In my sleep. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Fifty Shades Trilogy - Rated: M - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 3,089 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 11/27/2016 - Published: 8/22/2013 - Christian G., Anastasia S.
Men Are From Mars, Women Are Just Crazy reviews
What did the bride with diarrhea say at the altar? "I do-do."
Titanic - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 985 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 11/5/2016
Fifty Shades of Charlie Brown reviews
The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock at the door.
Peanuts - Rated: K+ - English - Horror/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 448 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/30/2016
Psychic or Psycho? reviews
A skeleton walked into a bar. "Give me a beer," it told the bartender, "and a mop."
Twilight Zone - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 898 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 10/8/2016 - Complete
Barackula
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Dracula - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,423 - Updated: 9/27/2016 - Published: 7/14/2015
Climbing Everest! reviews
A sign on the front lawn of the rehab center said: "Keep Off The Grass."
Misc. Movies - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 666 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 8/6/2016 - Complete
Fifty Shades of Parody reviews
"Will you stay in our lovers' story? / If you stay, you won't be sorry / 'Cause we believe in you / Soon you'll grow / So take a chance / With a couple of kooks / Hung up on romancing" David Bowie January 8, 1947-January 10, 2016
Fifty Shades Trilogy - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 71 - Words: 70,660 - Reviews: 171 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 69 - Updated: 1/1/2016 - Published: 2/10/2014 - Christian G., Anastasia S. - Complete
November 22, 1963 reviews
When cheese gets its picture taken... what does it say?
Quantum Leap - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 26 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 11/22/2015
Forrest Shades of Gump
How Chicago began: New Yorkers said, "Gee, I'm enjoying all the crime and the corruption and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's move west!"
Forrest Gump - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 612 - Published: 11/1/2015
Grey Shades of Fifty reviews
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Fifty Shades Trilogy - Rated: M - English - Romance/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,687 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 10/12/2015 - Published: 6/22/2015
LEE DANIELS' The Butler
Never be afraid to try. Remember: amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.
Misc. Movies - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 139 - Published: 8/4/2015
Mark Twain, Spinning In His Grave reviews
When someone says, "Penny for your thoughts," and you put your two-cents in... where does that extra penny go?
Adventures of Tom Sawyer - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,889 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 7/24/2015 - Published: 7/14/2015
To Kill A Mockingbird, Too reviews
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen are defrocked, doesn't it follow that models are deposed?
To Kill a Mockingbird - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 499 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 7/22/2015 - Atticus F.
A Very Scarface Christmas
In a single glass, Irish coffee provides all the major food groups: Alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
Scarface - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 534 - Published: 7/19/2015
A Dog's Life reviews
It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Planet of the Apes - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 460 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 7/16/2015
Ozombie bin Laden
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen are defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted?
Walking Dead - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 862 - Published: 7/15/2015
SpongeBob SillyPants
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen are defrocked, doesn't it follow that musicians can be denoted?
SpongeBob SquarePants - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 632 - Published: 7/14/2015
Disney plus George Lucas equals Monkeys! reviews
A dog gave birth on the side of the road and was cited for "littering."
Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 631 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 7/13/2015
The Lost Seinfeld Episode reviews
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen are defrocked, doesn't it follow that cowboys can be deranged?
Seinfeld - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 241 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/19/2015
Lucy (Using One Hundred Per Cent Of Her Brain) reviews
I suffer from kleptomania. When it gets bad, I take something for it.
Lucy - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 607 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/2/2014 - Complete