American Chimpanzee
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Joined 08-22-13, id: 5048348, Profile Updated: 01-02-16
Author has written 30 stories for Fifty Shades Trilogy, Bible, Lucy, Seinfeld, Star Wars, Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Dracula, SpongeBob SquarePants, Walking Dead, Planet of the Apes, Scarface, To Kill a Mockingbird, Misc. Movies, Forrest Gump, Quantum Leap, Twilight Zone, Peanuts, Titanic, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, It's a Wonderful Life, MAGNUM P.I., Princess Bride, Roswell, and IT.

All content has been written for humorous and entertainment purposes only.

None of it should be taken seriously at any time.

Ever.

These are works of satire and occasional parody.

Please consider this an invitation to visit my other humor sites:

RaisingDad at fictionpress.com

and

Random Acts of Nonsense at fictionpress.com

@JimDuchene

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Fifty Shades of Gnocchi (and other literary shenanigans) reviews
If a turtle loses its shell, is it homeless or naked?
Fifty Shades Trilogy - Rated: M - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 3,513 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 10/17 - Published: 8/22/2013 - Christian G., Anastasia S.
Fifty Shades of Harvey Weinstein reviews
How is Disneyland like Viagra? You spend a lot of money to wait an hour for a three minute ride.
Fifty Shades Trilogy - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 137 - Reviews: 28 - Published: 10/17
Stephen King's IT Parody Song reviews
Sing to the tune of "Ruby (Don't Take Your Love To Town)" by Mel Tillis. By the way, why doesn't glue stick to the INSIDE of the bottle?
IT - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 177 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 9/27 - Complete
Biblelicious (saving souls, one offensive story at a time) reviews
This Just In! Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!
Bible - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 8,507 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 8/17 - Published: 12/23/2013
Roswell! Alien Abduction Capital of the World!
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
Roswell - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,173 - Published: 7/1
Queen Elizabeth's Sapphire Jubilee reviews
The quickest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Princess Bride - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 969 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2/8
GRANDPA PI reviews
Why do people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two or three hours?
MAGNUM P.I. - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 928 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2/2
Fifty Shades of Grey Hair reviews
I wish I could take credit, but, like in "Kate & Jose," these stories are based on classic naughty jokes. Such as: "An Irish toast: 'To my wife and girlfriend. May they never meet.'"
Fifty Shades Trilogy - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 50 - Words: 16,634 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 1/1 - Published: 8/2/2014 - Anastasia S.
It's A Wonderful Legacy reviews
How come we put a man on the moon before we realized it would be a good idea to put luggage on wheels?
Crossover - It's a Wonderful Life & Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,037 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 12/26/2016 - Complete
Fifty Shades: The Further Adventures of Kate & Jose reviews
Like "Grey Hair," these stories are all based on classic naughty jokes along the lines of: "Life is sexually transmitted."
Fifty Shades Trilogy - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 2,890 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 12/16/2016 - Published: 1/17/2016
Rudolph the Red-Faced Reindeer reviews
Did you hear about the old lady who talked herself out of a speeding ticket by telling the officer that she had to get there before she forgot where she was going?
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 916 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/1/2016 - Complete
Men Are From Mars, Women Are Just Crazy reviews
The problem with the gene pool? No lifeguard.
Titanic - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 985 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 11/5/2016
Fifty Shades of Halloween reviews
What disease did cured ham actually have?
Peanuts - Rated: K+ - English - Horror/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 448 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/30/2016
Psychic or Psycho? reviews
Why isn't 11 pronounced "onety-one"?
Twilight Zone - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 898 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 10/8/2016 - Complete
Barackula
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
Dracula - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,423 - Updated: 9/27/2016 - Published: 7/14/2015
Climbing Everest! reviews
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will get in and clean them?
Misc. Movies - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 666 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 8/6/2016 - Complete
Fifty Shades of Parody reviews
"Will you stay in our lovers' story? / If you stay, you won't be sorry / 'Cause we believe in you / Soon you'll grow / So take a chance / With a couple of kooks / Hung up on romancing" David Bowie January 8, 1947-January 10, 2016
Fifty Shades Trilogy - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 71 - Words: 70,660 - Reviews: 171 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 69 - Updated: 1/1/2016 - Published: 2/10/2014 - Christian G., Anastasia S. - Complete
November 22, 1963 reviews
I've been in love with the same woman for the last 49 years. I hope my wife never finds out about it.
Quantum Leap - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 26 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 11/22/2015
Forrest Shades of Gump
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Forrest Gump - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 612 - Published: 11/1/2015
Grey Shades of Fifty reviews
Why is an actor IN a movie, but ON television?
Fifty Shades Trilogy - Rated: M - English - Romance/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,687 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 10/12/2015 - Published: 6/22/2015
LEE DANIELS' The Butler
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
Misc. Movies - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 139 - Published: 8/4/2015
Mark Twain, Spinning In His Grave reviews
I always hold my wife's hand. It's the only way I can keep her from shopping.
Adventures of Tom Sawyer - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,889 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 7/24/2015 - Published: 7/14/2015
To Kill A Mockingbird, Too reviews
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean the fifth person enjoys it?
To Kill a Mockingbird - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 499 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 7/22/2015 - Atticus F.
A Very Scarface Christmas reviews
The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
Scarface - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 534 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 7/19/2015
A Dog's Life reviews
Drunk is feeling sophisticated but not being able to pronounce it.
Planet of the Apes - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 460 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 7/16/2015
Ozombie bin Laden
There was a beautiful woman banging on my door all night. I finally had to let her out.
Walking Dead - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 862 - Published: 7/15/2015
SpongeBob SillyPants
Eating too much, buying too much, and drinking too much are what doctors call symptoms of stress. I call that the perfect day.
SpongeBob SquarePants - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 632 - Published: 7/14/2015
Disney plus George Lucas equals Monkeys! reviews
If you try to fail and succeed at it, which have you done?
Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 631 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 7/13/2015
The Lost Seinfeld Episode reviews
How come just one careless match can cause a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Seinfeld - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 241 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/19/2015
Lucy (Using One Hundred Per Cent Of Her Brain) reviews
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Lucy - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 607 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/2/2014 - Complete