Duchess of Inkling
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Joined 01-08-04, id: 517609, Profile Updated: 05-21-09
Author has written 19 stories for Harry Potter, Patriot, and Peter Pan.

Born to one of the most notoriously insane of old families, the Duchess of Inkling soon followed in her ancestors’ footsteps by combining in her character the perverse with the sublime. Having spent most of her adolescence trading sexual favours to infirm aristocrats for antique Wedgwood and Rietveld furniture, her parents decided she would do well to pursue a career in piracy. Thus apprenticed, she quickly rose through the ranks, and currently resides in the Captain’s cabin of The Frivolous Fag, where she spends her time crossdressing with members of her crew. When ashore, she haunts various shopping centres, doing the Prince Charming in the aisles for CCTV in order to satisfy her voyeuristic streak.

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Manly Wager by PrincessDesire reviews
A friendly wager over a game of pool might turn Hank and Logan into more. Will have sequels later.
X-Men - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 10,303 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 8/12/2009 - Published: 8/27/2006 - Dr. H. McCoy/Beast/Hank, James H./Wolverine/Logan - Complete
The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy by Jenni Piech reviews
*UPDATED* New episode up! "So Ends a Very English Quest" Hoorah!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 23,147 - Reviews: 140 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 9/30/2008 - Published: 5/15/2003 - Severus S., Draco M.
Once Upon a Freakin' Time by Evadne reviews
The Death Eaters attempt to do bad things, but mostly just do things badly.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 40 - Words: 29,923 - Reviews: 1946 - Favs: 1,975 - Follows: 662 - Updated: 2/15/2008 - Published: 8/7/2002 - Voldemort, Severus S.
Malfoy's Murder Mystery by Oricon reviews
Lucius is holding a sleep over. Severus and Remus are invited. One unexpected guest turns up and a few others wind up dead. Can Lucius and his gang figure out who is behind it before they're next?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,125 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 7/31/2006 - Published: 7/9/2004 - Severus S., Draco M. - Complete
Say Your Right Words by Scattered Logic reviews
When dealing with Jareth, you should never take anything for granted...
Labyrinth - Rated: K - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,225 - Reviews: 110 - Favs: 166 - Follows: 9 - Published: 5/23/2005
A Malfoy Heir's Idiosyncratic Guide To Snark by spousewounds reviews
A series of short, trivial vignettes featuring our ever pureblooded anti-hero Draco Malfoy and his secret boy toy sidekick, Harry Potter! Ratings will fluctuate as much as Potter's taste in boys.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,032 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/1/2005 - Draco M., Harry P.
The Curious Journey of Mrs Darling's Hidden Kiss by Calapine reviews
From the nursery to Neverland, it's up to George to rescue his wife's most elusive possession.
Peter Pan - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,379 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12/10/2004
The Mad and Zany Misadventures of Lucius and Snape by Ivory Tower reviews
On their own these two are evil and menacing, but when they get together they encounter the oddest situations. Chapter 6: Explore the realm of utter grooviness that is Lucius Malfoy's garden. Yes! The one place where he and Snape find true happiness!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,187 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 8/10/2004 - Published: 1/3/2003
A Romp With the Death Eaters by Oricon reviews
A day in the life of Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Peter likes Britney, Lucius has rosie cheeks, hobbit names, and more!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 7 - Words: 3,261 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 10 - Updated: 7/15/2004 - Published: 8/20/2003 - Voldemort, Severus S.
The Seduction of Severus Snape by Marie Goos reviews
It's the year after Harry Potter has defeated Voldemort and left Hogwarts... The current seventh years need something to lighten the mood. A Ravenclaw accepts a challenge, proposed by Ginny and Luna: pretend to be in love with Severus Snape.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 168,650 - Reviews: 369 - Favs: 182 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 5/29/2004 - Published: 8/31/2003 - Severus S. - Complete
SNAPE'S PROPOSAL LETTER FOR THE DARK ARTS by Sarah Noble reviews
He sends in an application every year...but what does it SAY?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 10,405 - Reviews: 160 - Favs: 238 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 4/24/2004 - Published: 11/3/2003 - Severus S.
Hook and Wendy Loss of Innocence by Drummers reviews
Honestly, Wendy, if you ever want to marry, you should get a more realistic idea of men." But Wendy never gets the chance; after all, who can compare to Captain Hook?
Peter Pan - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,344 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 3/23/2004 - Published: 3/18/2004
The Chronicles of Lucius by Fyrie reviews
Throughout the CoS period, Lucius Malfoy keeps a dia... er... Chronicle of events. Last updated: 26th Sept. COMPLETE
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 35,161 - Reviews: 440 - Favs: 474 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 9/26/2003 - Published: 12/12/2002 - Lucius M. - Complete
What Would Have Happened if Harry weren't so Dim by Phoenix with a Head Cold reviews
*REAL TITLE'S
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 337 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 10 - Published: 7/6/2003 - Harry P.
The Snape Vignettes- by Sarah Noble reviews
This is a collection of vignettes all about my man Severus Snape, who deserves nothing less than to have horribly dumb (but thankfully short) fanfiction about him. These are bite-sized, prepackaged, ready-to-own stories to assist your smiley times.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 1,372 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 5 - Published: 7/23/2002 - Severus S.
The "Masked Nutter" by Sir Robin reviews
Severus has finally cracked. We all knew he would. *Ah-hah!!! Two more chapters are up!*
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,208 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 9 - Updated: 11/6/2001 - Published: 9/8/2001 - Severus S.
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Mostly Hair Related Antics of Lucius Malfoy reviews
By now you should recognise this story as the millionth series in that infamous saga, The Pureblood Antics of Lucius Malfoy. This time, as I noticed a trend, I've renamed it to include the hairobsession. HBP spoilers.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 3,107 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 12/31/2006 - Published: 3/19/2006 - Lucius M., Severus S.
Bad Detective reviews
Severus Snape is a bad detective and he always gets his man. Draco has contracted an unfortunate alliance, and Snape goes to extreme measures attempting to prevent it. In some ways a crossover with PG Wodehouse's works. Written for the trousersnaco challe
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,303 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 9/3/2006 - Published: 8/20/2006 - Severus S., Draco M.
The Far Too Numerous Antics of Lucius Malfoy reviews
Welcome to the triumphant, or not so triumphant, comeback of this knickerspoilingly exciting story, which, as ever, seeks to document the activities of everybody's favourite evil, snobistic, and especially blond, wizard. Warning: HBP Spoilers occur.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 20 - Words: 6,158 - Reviews: 117 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 2/14/2006 - Published: 5/1/2005 - Lucius M., Severus S.
Time Falls Wanking To The Floor reviews
Drabble about the erotic value watches and clocks hold for our favourite pirate Captain. The title is, in fact, a perfect summary. Strange, but delicious, I promise.
Peter Pan - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 677 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 8/28/2005
The Adventures Of Don L, Grandson of Zorro reviews
The dashing Don L is come to Hogwarts to display his heroism and to free the rich and privileged from the oppressive grip of the poor and less well-bred. Who shall be his targets? Who is the object of his affections? And what is his real identity?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 9 - Words: 7,190 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 8/21/2005 - Published: 3/18/2005 - Lucius M., Severus S.
Original Sin reviews
An apocalyptic vision of seduction and dangerous temptation, a short literary essay in prose... This is all three. A tale of sensual terror and historical reference in one part.
Peter Pan - Rated: K - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,319 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Published: 2/13/2005
Lusty Limericks of Neverland reviews
Ah, the limerick- the most exalted of poetic genres. And what subject could be more appropriate to it than the artful Captain Hook, his jolly band of rogering rovers, and the other inhabitants of Neverland?
Peter Pan - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 314 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 2/13/2005 - Published: 2/6/2005
The Seemingly Neverending Antics of Lucius Malfoy reviews
The fifth series of The Story That Will Not Die, and it brings you everything you want so, so much; idiocy, gratuitous slash suggestions, filth, decadence, blond hair, and, of course, absolute pleasure.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 20 - Words: 6,594 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 1/23/2005 - Published: 10/16/2004 - Lucius M., Severus S.
I Pass Like Night, From Land To Land reviews
A short psychological story about Hook. Despite appearances, not angsty, but more meant to convey a process of growing obsession and restlessness, and to weave intricate and glittering webs of imagery.
Peter Pan - Rated: K - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,986 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/25/2004
Not Much of a Man by the Light of Day reviews
Snape has a dark, succulent secret. And you’ll never, ever guess what it is. Go on, have a peep inside. You know you’re just aching to find out. Have I roused your curiosity yet, or do you need further man-handling to be enticed to enter, dear reader?
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 7 - Words: 8,787 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 10/17/2004 - Published: 9/1/2004 - Severus S.
The Depraved Still Ongoing Antics of Lucius Malfoy reviews
The racy madness continues, as the splendidly gorgeous Lucius Malfoy and his sardonic sidekick, Severus Snape, embark on yet another hilariously warped sequal, now the fourth, of this rather persistent story.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 20 - Words: 6,100 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 9/19/2004 - Published: 7/5/2004 - Lucius M., Severus S.
I eat ur brane kthnx reviews
Our golden boys, Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy, work together to execute the greatest plan ever made to take over the world while in the service of Lord Voldemort. As always, rather politically incorrect, but rather entertaining, in my superior opinion.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,851 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 4 - Updated: 8/14/2004 - Published: 7/25/2004 - Severus S., Lucius M.
The Esteemed & Continuing Antics of Lucius Malfoy reviews
Welcome, gentle reader. By now you should have realised that the stories contained within this volume are part of a humungous series of heroic epics about none other than the ever charming L. Malfoy and his lovely sidekick, S. Snape.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 20 - Words: 6,295 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/30/2004 - Published: 3/10/2004 - Lucius M., Severus S.
Go Lucius Go reviews
An adaptation of the story "Go, dog, go" into more Lucius Malfoy-esque terms. Basically what happens if you consistently replace words with others; the story turns suitably twisted and perverse. And hopefully funny.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 642 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 7 - Published: 6/27/2004 - Lucius M., Severus S.
Peter Pants and Captain Fag reviews
Wet and Weedy Productions present a parody of and tribute to the innuendo fest that is Peter Pan. Mainly a parody of the sumptuous 2003 film, but, in passing, the equally promiscuous books are also mocked and loved.
Peter Pan - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,473 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 25 - Updated: 6/25/2004 - Published: 5/17/2004
The Lucius Malfoy Fans' Guide To Smut reviews
Join me as I stab wildly at the authors of smutty Lucius fics who daringly assume that sexual assault is pleasurable, who use rape as a plot device, and abusive!Lucius as an excuse for characterisation.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,914 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 4/2/2004 - Published: 3/20/2004 - Lucius M.
AntiStumpy's Anti Stumpy Society's The Patriot reviews
This is a revised and improved edition of The Patriot, as approved by Anti-Stumpy's Anti Stumpy Society, who produced this in their own studios at Wet and Weedy Productions. And no, don't take it too seriously.
Patriot - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,698 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/26/2004
The Everyday Antics of Lucius Malfoy, Part Two reviews
Yes, this IS part two of The Pureblooded Everyday Antics Of Lucius Malfoy. Sink your greedy little teeth in, I say, and give in, give up to your suppressed lust for idiocy.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 20 - Words: 4,649 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 22 - Updated: 3/7/2004 - Published: 1/31/2004 - Lucius M., Severus S.
The Pureblooded Everyday Antics of Lucius Malfoy reviews
Lucius Malfoy leads an intriguing, decadent life. Of course it takes an author like me to report of it in a series of stories that are sufficiently stupid to be entertaining to all you muggles out there.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 19 - Words: 5,352 - Reviews: 109 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 1/28/2004 - Published: 1/8/2004 - Lucius M., Severus S.