Author has written 8 stories for Naruto, Stargate: SG-1, Harry Potter, Justice League, Sekirei, A song of Ice and Fire, and Warcraft.
Alright, so I've finally decided to revisit my profile after a great many years of ignoring it.
Something about me...
I write shit for hobby purposes. Tis a good life, very quiet and stress-free.
Due to patty reon sticking its nose into political and social issues, I've decided to migrate over to Subscribe Star. I just can't trust a business that does that and I'd rather not be associated with it.
For those of you who want to support me, you can find my profile on https:// subscribestar (dot) adult (slash) noodlehammer
Note that supporting me will gain you no special privileges, voting powers, early access to chapters, or even a gold star sticker (not even a digital one), nor will I withhold content if you don't. It is purely voluntary and will change nothing about my modus operandi. Also, for the sake of honesty, I won't claim to be in any particular financial distress at this time, so don't even bother feeling guilty for not supporting me if you're the type to do that.
That being said, having a little extra disposable income never hurt anyone and if you have money burning a hole in your pocket and no idea what to do with it, feel free to toss it my way.
IF I MIGHT HAVE A MOMENT OF YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.
Indulge me as I tell you a tale of my real life goings on.
Way back in July of 2019, I woke up early one day and decided to take out the trash. While doing this, I pondered on my desire to replace my aging computer and lamented my stagnant financial situation that made it unwise to be making big purchases.
That was when I decided that since I was obviously unwilling to get a regular job, I would go all in on my writing hobby and try to publish an original work.
But what kind of story to write?
I looked at the bag of trash in my hand and had an epiphany, I could write trashy porn meant for sexually frustrated middle aged women! That seemed to be all the rage these days.
Well, about a month and a half ago, I published said book. Alas, I rather overestimated my ability to advertise, so it hasn’t been getting much traction. And I didn’t mention it in the last chapter of “Metagaming?” because I was, quite frankly, a bit embarrassed by it. Plus, I respect most of you too much to advertise such low tier literature here.
I resolved to write another book, something that I could peddle to you without feeling like a snake oil salesman.
Then I had another epiphany, three of them even.
1) It’s really not up to me to decide what you read, even if it is bodice rippers.
2) You’d see it anyway once I advertised the second book, making my efforts to hide my shame moot.
3) I really want to start making money and there is a statistical likelihood that at least a few of you are into that shit.
So here we are.
If you want to go check out my first foray into the world of original fiction, you can find it under the pen name of Jennifer Haze (my research suggests that women are more likely to buy their smut from female authors, and one fake name is as good as another) on Amazon. The only title under said name at the moment is “Bindings of Lust”
Also, if you do decide to check it out, I would appreciate you not linking “Jennifer Haze” and “Noodlehammer” together on any kind of social media dumpster fire or forums you frequent. It’s a vain hope, because I know that there are at least a few assholes among you that will do exactly that just to spite me. I can respect that, since I’m a spiteful asshole myself, but fuck you in advance anyway.