Alright, so I've finally decided to revisit my profile after a great many years of ignoring it.

Something about me...

I write shit for hobby purposes. Tis a good life, very quiet and stress-free.

Due to patty reon sticking its nose into political and social issues, I've decided to migrate over to Subscribe Star. I just can't trust a business that does that and I'd rather not be associated with it.

For those of you who want to support me, you can find my profile on https:// subscribestar (dot) adult (slash) noodlehammer

Note that supporting me will gain you no special privileges, voting powers, early access to chapters, or even a gold star sticker (not even a digital one), nor will I withhold content if you don't. It is purely voluntary and will change nothing about my modus operandi. Also, for the sake of honesty, I won't claim to be in any particular financial distress at this time, so don't even bother feeling guilty for not supporting me if you're the type to do that.

That being said, having a little extra disposable income never hurt anyone and if you have money burning a hole in your pocket and no idea what to do with it, feel free to toss it my way.

IMPORTANT NOTICE

"For Love of Magic" was deleted by the mods because of "explicit content or adult content above current rating". This is, of course, a lie, because ALL of my stories have (or will have if they're reasonably new) adult content above the ratings allowed by the website. More likely it has something to do with me refusing to be politically correct about one thing or another, but I can't confirm that.

I have since reposted on Archive of Our Own. I will continue to post here, but I really can't guarantee that another mod won't get a bug up their ass and start deleting stories.

I'm certainly not going to moderate my content to appease some wet streak of shit of a mod.

IF I MIGHT HAVE A MOMENT OF YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.

Indulge me as I tell you a tale of my real life goings on.

Way back in July of 2019, I woke up early one day and decided to take out the trash. While doing this, I pondered on my desire to replace my aging computer and lamented my stagnant financial situation that made it unwise to be making big purchases.

That was when I decided that since I was obviously unwilling to get a regular job, I would go all in on my writing hobby and try to publish an original work.

But what kind of story to write?

I looked at the bag of trash in my hand and was struck by inspiration, I could write trashy porn meant for sexually frustrated middle aged women! That seemed to be all the rage these days.

Well, on the 19th of March of 2021, I published said book and it is now available on Amazon under the title of "Bindings of Lust" by Jennifer Haze (my research suggests that women are more likely to buy their smut from female authors, and one fake name is as good as another).

In hindsight, perhaps that wasn't the most genius idea I've ever had, but it got me into publishing original fiction, so it's something.

I was at first too embarrassed to advertise it on this site, and determined to write a book that was more in my wheelhouse before doing so, but then I had another epiphany, three of them even

1) It’s really not up to me to decide what you read, even if it is bodice rippers.

2) You’d see it anyway once I advertised the second book, making my efforts to hide my shame moot.

3) I really want to start making money and there is a statistical likelihood that at least a few of you are into that shit.

So here we are. I am most grateful to any of you that did buy it for whatever reason. Even a guy like me can be touched by your support.

Also, if you do decide to check it out, I would appreciate you not linking “Jennifer Haze” and “Noodlehammer” together on any kind of social media dumpster fire or forums you frequent. It’s a vain hope, because I know that there are at least a few assholes among you that will do exactly that just to spite me. I can respect that, since I’m a spiteful asshole myself, but fuck you in advance anyway.

UPDATE

I have published another story on Amazon, this time a short one called "Love is a Closed Loop". It's cheap as hell, go buy it if you're interested.