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Author has written 49 stories for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers/Beast Wars, Redwall, Sly Cooper, Hobbit, Harry Potter, Five Nights at Freddy´s, Web Shows, Misc. Tv Shows, Star Trek: 2009, Arrow, Justice League, Young Justice, Grimm, Balto, Ninja Turtles, Avengers, Sherlock, Guardians of the Galaxy, Lord of the Rings, Kung Fu Panda, Priest, Thor, Greatest Showman, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir, Batman, Doctor Strange, Beyond: Two Souls, and Injustice: Gods Among Us.
IMPORTANT: I was formerly known as Leofan221 or One Septic Markiplite. The reason I changed my username is simple; I wanted to.
First off, officially, I did not draw my avatar. That wonderful picture is from Mistrel-Fox on Tumblr, who very graciously allowed me to use their picture as my avatar,
Secondly, I am hopelessly addicted to many, many fandoms, in case you haven't noticed. ;)
I am into Young Justice, Grimm, Justice League (as well as JL Unlimited), Sherlock, Merlin, Lord of the Rings, Hobbit, Harry Potter, TMNT ('03 and '12) and Once Upon A Time. I am also into Jacksepticeye (and his dark side) and Markiplier (do I really need to actually say I love Darkiplier, as well?) Go check out their YouTube channels. They are amazing! WARNING: they do cuss. And finally, I love to read, and write shorter-ish stories. I do tend to use things I read, see, or hear for idea's, so please do not kill me for that. I also have MANY OCs. If you are not a fan of OCs, then I suggest not reading my stories, as they do pretty much all feature a character of my own invention.
Speaking of OCs...I am opening a Q&A for any and all of my OCs as a story It will answer anywhere from 5-10 questions per 'chapter', and will include any appropriate questions I feel comfortable answering, so please be considerate when asking. That being said...bring them questions on!!
Also, don't be afraid to review. I love hearing people's opinions of my handiwork. I really hope you like my stories, and send me lots of reviews!!!! If you are emotionally destroyed by any of my stories, just be comforted by the fact that I am, too. I'm right there with you, crying and sobbing, so just hang in there!! :( Usually, I get the motivation to write something sad in other sad fanfictions, so please don't flame the sad stories!!!! I don't mind a little constructive criticism, but flamers kinda tick me off, sorry.
Another thing that hacks me off is T-cest. I have a major issue with it because...to put it bluntly, they are brothers, by blood or by bond doesn't matter, and to think that they would throw out any honor they had and...be with each other...it just isn't right. I don't like any homosexuality at all, really. It's just...that's just my opinion. Copy and Paste if you agree with me. I am sorry if that offends anybody, but that's what I think.
Yes, I AM a christian, and proud to be a member of God's flock.
That being said, feel free to PM me with ideas for a story. You can also send them in a review. Slash(romantically gross, or yaoi, whatever) story suggestions will be ignored every time, so don't even think about it.
WARNING: Author appears to be overly obsessed with wolves. Please do not flame this author for something they can't help.
Seriously...I don't know why I am so obsessed with wolves. It's just where my mind automatically goes...weird...
MY AWESOME OCS!!!
Fandom: Harry Potter (Book!verse, and Movie!verse)
Name: Rosemary Andromeda Black.
Age at Prisoner of Azkaban: 15&1/2
Height at PoA: 5'5
Eye Color: Dark Brown
Hair at PoA: Auburn, wavy, just past chin, halfway to shoulder.
Personality: Somewhat shy, reserved until you really get to know her, Rosemary Black is a little off-putting at times, although she hasn't exactly had it easy, living with a werewolf. She hides things well, but hates doing so. She really loves having friends, and desperately wants to have her father freed and away from all suspicion of betrayal. It takes a keen eye to see past her outer nature to see the fun-loving, more care-free side to this young witch. Respects rules, but ain't afraid to break 'em.
Random Factiods: She is the first Inherent Animagus, as far as she knows. As her parents were both able to turn into animals, they passed those genes to her. She uses this to keep Remus company when he changes. She likes to consider herself a Marauder.
General Description at PoA: Rosemary is not exactly what boys would call gorgeous, but she is not ugly, either. She is merely...Rosemary. Her auburn hair is fairly bushy and wavy, like her father, but the color has come from her mother. So has her nose and chin, which contrast with her more square (but somehow still slender) jaw from her father. She wears hand-me-down robes from Remus with pride, though they may be a tad big. Another thing that does not get her down is the three scars running down her face diagonally, from right temple to left cheek. She doesn't mind them, but hates it when asked about them. She also doesn't mind the scars criss-crossing her back and upper arms. She is fairly average in build. Not too junky, not too skinny. All in all, it would appear she doesn't want to be noticed.
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Fandom: Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Desolation of Smaug, and Battle of the Five Armies.
Name: Mithra EarthStrider
Species: Hybrid Dwarf/Elf
Height: A few inches taller than Thorin.
Eye Color: Aquamarine
Hair: Straw-Berry Blonde, down to mid-back, usually worn in a messy bun.
Personality: She may be short, but you can't accuse Mithra of ever letting her head down. She walks with dignity and pride, but also with care and gentleness. Compassion and loyalty are listed among her greatest attributes, right along with bravery and stubbornness. Mithra tends to be energetic and hyperactive at the best of times, which sets her apart from her more reserved Elvish kinsman. She throws herself into everything she does, which tends to get her in trouble, as she hardly ever stops to think through all the ramifications of her actions. Usually found with a smile, being a die-hard optimist, Mithra can rarely be found upset. Mithra can let her emotions cloud judgment, which leads to her doing and saying things she will regret and apologize for later. If her Dwarfish pride get in the way. That, or her stubbornness.
Random factoid: Mithra, as her name implies, is a wanderer. She never feels like she belongs anywhere, and as such, she is constantly roaming Middle-Earth. When she encounters Thorin and his Company during a sojourn at Rivendell, she instantly leaps at the chance to do something of value with her life. The only reason Thorin allows her to join his quest is because she is half-dwarf. That, and Aili never stopped bothering him until he relented.
General Description: She definitely looks the part of a wanderer, with her ragged sapphire Elvin tunic, tucked into a simple Elfish breastplate with attached shoulder guards. Armored gauntlets adorn her forearms and wrists, and her belt secures most of her many small throwing knives and daggers, as well as her Elvin hand-and-a-half sword (picture Lord Elrond's sword) about her middle. She also hides a few knives and daggers down her knee-high leather Elfish-style boots that fit her despite her larger Dwarfish heritage. She also wears brown leggings that tuck into her boots, and light leg armor.
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Fandom: Sly Cooper: Thieves in Time
Name: Lady Guinevere Cooper
Species: Anthropomorphic Brown Raccoon
Sibling: Sir Galleth Cooper
Age: However old Galleth is
Eye Color: Electric Green
Hair: Cropped around her head, but it's grown shaggy. Down to a little past her ears. Auburn/Dark Red
Personality: Being the ONLY female in the Knights of the Cooper Order, Guinevere is often having to stick up for her self, becoming slightly cold and hostile toward men in general until they simply show her that they aren't looking to throw her down, but hold her in the respect and admiration she truly deserves. She is a tease when relaxed, but will constantly make sassy/sarcastic/smart remarks, especially toward men.
Random Factoids: She has quite possibly the sharpest eyes and ears in the Order. Guinevere is a good-hearted girl, even when she has to be mean and snappy around guys who think they are better, simply because she is a woman. Another thing that makes Guinevere so snappy is her job as a serving wench at the local tavern. Galleth tries to convince her not to continue that work, but she tells him that she needs to provide cover for their heists. She can often found laughing and joking with Galleth while sparing, or wrestling, a sport she can't seem to ever beat her brother at. She can't stand it when men set their gaze upon her at the tavern. She smacks hands away from her...uh...hindquarters constantly when men get drunk. She doesn't consider herself pretty, but apparently, men do. And they tell her. Constantly.
General Description: Guinevere is a slim, yet strong lass. Her fur coloring is the opposite of her brother's. Where he is chestnut brown, she is golden brown. She prefers a short-sleeve chain-mail shirt with a half-vest on top, light green cotton trousers, and leather boots up to her knees to her wench's dress. It has too much skirt for her tastes. The dress is forest green and sky blue, with a brown sash. She wields both a hand-and-a-half sword and a halberd with a sharp Cooper symbol forming the blade.
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Fandom: Sly Cooper: Thieves in Time
Name: Niarichi Cooper
Species: Anthropomorphic Grey Raccoon
Sibling: Rioichi Cooper
Age: However old Rioichi is
Eye Color: Sapphire blue
Hair: Short, so dark brown it's nearly black, straight. Usually in a messy bun, but while waiting in Rioichi's shop, she wears it in a traditional Japanese bun.
Personality: Niarichi is outwardly straight-forward, serious, and hardly classified as a joker. But inwardly, she loves joking, laying back, and making sassy remarks. Outwardly, she is always serious. She loves everyone's reactions to her jokes. Meaning, nobody gets them, then she has to correct herself. Then bursts out laughing (at least internally) at the shocked and amused look on people's faces.
Random Factoids: The reason she is outwardly serious is that Niarichi has a reputation as a cold-blooded girl, who escaped Madame Geisha and has evaded her ever since. She has never flirted with a boy, and never plans on it. She loves watching the sunset, then star-gazing with Rioichi while they discuss anything and everything, while sparing on occasion. She despises painting her face to 'paint false beauty on', as she put it. She will avoid using paint, if at all possible.
General Description: Niaichi's fur coloring is the inverse of Sly's. Meaning, where Sly is dark Grey, Nia is Black. And where Sly is Black, Nia is Grey. She wears a skin-tight hooded black outfit, and a dark Grey sash with pockets to hold her Ninja equipment. She wears tabi (ninja/split-toe) boots that reach up to her knees, where it connects to a knee pad. She also wears light black armor over her torso, forearms, and wrists. Her gloves are tip-less black numbers that encase her forearms. With her mainly black-furred face, and her Cooper mask, she is nearly invisible to any and all stupid guards. A skill she uses to it's fullest advantage during heists. As a weapon, she has a double scythe with the Cooper symbol as the blades. And a ninjaken.
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Fandom: Sly Cooper: Thieves in Time
Name: Virginia Lass Cooper
Species: Anthropomorphic Red Raccoon
Siblings: Tennessee Kid Cooper
Age: 25, or however old Tennessee is.
Eye Color: Auburn/Dark Red
Hair: Tan, naturally wavy, frizzy when wet, and down to Virginia's shoulder blades. She keeps it up in a ponytail, positioned halfway down her head. However, her bangs hang down past her eyes.
Personality: More straight-forward and serious than her twin, Tennessee, Virginia also has a joking, snarky, sarcastic side, with an infamous tongue to match. She refuses to use flirting to get her way, preferring to insult them, then make her getaway while her opponents are fuming. She isn't exactly quick to anger, but when she get goin', she get goin'! Prefers to make a snarky/sarcastic remark than a flirtatious/suggestive one. She takes her family line seriously, and don't take kindly to strangers making fun of her, just for 'runnin' with the big boys'.
Random Factoids: She has never kissed a boy, and never really plans to. At least, not 'til she meets the 'right guy '. Virginia hates it when boys look at her in that creepy way, and smacks them if they get too close or can't restrain their hands. She loves watching the stars with Tennessee, but usually, it ends in wrestling until they're both too tired to continue.
General Description: Virginia looks like a female Rioichi, and with more of a 'scruffy outlaw' look. I mean, she has the same fur coloring, if not darker, with maroon and orange, as opposed to yellow/orange and red. She wears a red button-up blouse, tucked into a form-fitting black vest. She also has black fingertip-less gloves that encase her forearms. Brown cotton trousers, knee-high leather boots, and a turquoise scarf around her neck complete her look, with the Cooper mask tied snugly around her eyes. She also will wear a cowgirl hat, with holes for her ears. Virginia keeps twin tomahawks with sharpened Cooper hooks instead of traditional blades strapped to her belt. And a pistol
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Fandom: Hobbit (An Unexpected Journey, Desolation of Smaug, Battle of the Five Armies)
Parents: Dis and whomever Fili and Kili's father is.
Sibling(s): Fili, Kili
Age: 71 (5 years younger than Kili)
Height: Same as Kili, if not a few inches taller
Hair: Down to mid-back. Brown, kept braided away from her face (similar to Tauriel's) and up in a ponytail.
Eye Color: Emerald green, with Sapphire colored flecks throughout.
Personality: Responsible, yet funny. Sarcastic, yet serious. Enthusiastic, yet laid-back. Snarky, yet to-the-point. Eager to fight, yet willing to listen. Aili is always running after her brothers, eagerly joining them in whatever escapades they can concoct. She worries about them, but doesn't let that stop her from joining in the fun. Aili is as fun-loving as Kili, but as serious as Fili. She enjoys both star-gazing and talking with Fili, and wrestling and laughing with Kili. She is always willing to do any--and every--thing for her brothers, but isn't willing to knowingly put them in danger.
Random Factoids: She looks up to Thorin like a father (On account of never knowing her true father. (I don't know anything about their dad, so...)). She is one of the few dwarfish women that will never grow a beard (if that's a thing. All I know about it is that Aragorn said something about it in Lord of the Rings) She weasels her way into the Company by saying 'it's not fair that both of my brothers are going, when I can fight just as well as them!' Dis was sympathetic, and convinced Thorin to allow her to join. She teases the brothers about their 'long, flowing locks' and about how they never do much with it besides braiding it. No matter how hard she tries, she can't convince them to put it in a pony-tail.
General Description: Going with general looks, Aili is closer to Kili than Fili. She has general complexion. She loves to smile and laugh, but knows when to be more stony and serious. Aili wears an emerald green tunic, tucked into an armored vest similar to Thorin's, with leggings that widen at the bottom to fit over her furred Dwarfish boots. She also wears an armored vest similar to Thorin's, with gauntlets like Kili's. She wields twin Dwarfish swords, as well as a bow and arrow (like Kili), and multiple throwing knives (like Fili).
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Fandom: Once Upon a Time
Name: Nimea (Enchanted Forest) Tatiana (StoryBrooke)
Parents: Whomever Killian's parents are
Siblings: Liam Jones, Killian Jones.
Hair: Down to shoulders, naturally wavy, dark auburn. Nimea/Tatiana wears it up in a ponytail mostly, with a teal handkerchief.
Eye Color: Hazel, with blue/green flecks
Personality: Snarky, sarcastic, with a rugged sense of humor, Nimea/Tatiana can rub people the wrong way until you get to know her. She always gets annoyed whenever Killian or Liam get a little overprotective. Nimea/Tatiana is not the flirtatious and seductive sort of pirate Killian is, but follows him anywhere else. She is extremely protective of Killian, Liam (until he died) and her friends (although mostly, she hangs around a town for as long as Killian, so she rarely gets to meet and know people. Consequently, she doesn't have many friends. And when she does meet anyone, she rarely ever sees them again).
Random Factoids: She has an innate sense of peoples' emotions. She just knows what you're feeling, just by looking at you. Her few friends always find it. Nimea/Tatiana would rather practice sword-play and/or wrestling with Killian than get drunk in a bar, but if a bar is where Killian goes, she'll throw darts, and keep the flirting creepers disinterested. (Yep. She's still a virgin)
General Description: Nimea/Tatiana is slender, yet muscular, with a cocky demeanor, reflected in her typical stance. She stands with a popped hip, usually, one hand placed confidently on it. She takes off her brother's sense of fashion (somewhat), wearing a long dark-charcoal gray trench coat, tan pheasant's blouse underneath with a black vest on top of it, as well as knee-high black leather lace-up boots, and brown leather leggings. She has two cartilage piercings on her right ear, with a dangling ear-ring (like Killian) on her left. She prefers to fight with her cutlass, worn on a belt around her middle in typical feminine fashion, but will resort to using her trusty six-shot pistol (kept clipped to her belt), if necessary. Can usually be seen with either a smirk or a smile, but knows when to be serious.
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Fandom: Guardians of the Galaxy.
Siblings: N/E, officially, but kinda Groot.
Age: Probably twenty-twenty five in wolf years (remember, dog years are different than human years). She's never known exactly how old she is.
Height: 4'03, or whatever height you think she is.
Species: Genetically modified timber-wolf. (I don't know what it is with me and timber-wolves. *Sighs* Oh, well.)
Fur Color: Typical timber-wolf fur. Whatever comes to mind when you think of timber-wolves.
Hair: It's short, like Roxanne Richy in Megamind's at first, medium brown in color, eventually grows out to her shoulders by the time the movie 'starts'.
Eye Color: Left eye is a brown-ish hazel-ish color with teal flecks, right is a teal, both with brown/hazel flecks in the irises due to the stresses she has been through.
Personality: Shy at first, usually flitting in between a friendly personality and an angrier one, Blade can be a tough person to figure out. If she even gets a sneaking suspicion that you are going to even consider hurting Rocket, or Groot, you will get sliced by either her razor sharp claws, or her wicked machete. However, if you happen to be one of her admittedly few friends, you should be counted lucky to have such a warrior by your side, not fighting against you. That's how possessive she is. Not easy to gain Blade's trust, but once you so, she'll defend and vouch for you 'til her final breath. Oh, and don't even think about touching either her chest, or her back. It won't end well for you. Call her derogatory terms, or even leer at her and you had better run! She is secretive at best about her and Rocket's touchy, troubled, and mysterious shared past. In fact, mention it and she'll wig out on you unless she knows that you aren't there to drag her back to that laboratory.
Random factiods: She is one of the best trackers on Terra, AKA earth, if not that entire quadrant of the galaxy. As a team of bounty hunters, Blade, Rocket, and Groot are nearly unbeatable. She is also the negotiator, and all around swordfighting girl, obviously (Guns remind her too much of her past).
General description: Lean, spry, and lithe, Blade is a bit stronger than she looks. Wears a teal, feminine version of Rocket's jumpsuit-thingy, along with a form-fitting vest that buttons up just below her rib-cage. Wraps her feet halfway up her shins. Has her machete strapped to her left thigh, and isn't afraid to draw steel. The machete itself is as simple in looks as it's deadly, with a simple blue and black wound handle, and plain black sheath. "Doesn't need to be fancy. It just needs to do it's job."
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Fandom: TMNT 2012/2003
Full name: Asami Yoshida Hamto.
Parent(s): Splinter Hamato Yoshi
Siblings: Hamato Leonardo, Hamato Raphael, Hamato Donatello, Hamato Michelangelo, and Hamato Lupa.
Age during Rise of the Turtles/Things Change: 20 & 1/2. She is actually older than the guys, as they are all 15 & 1/2, and uses that fact to her advantage upon occasion.
Mask color: Gold/Silver
Species: Anthropomorphic Timberwolf
Fur color: Rusty Orange/brown/grey. Basically, same as a regular timberwolf.
Hair: Shorter dark brown, down to shoulder. Layered with long bangs. Usually in a high ponytail, especially when on a mission.
Eye color: Sapphire blue(outer iris) Emerald Green(inner iris) with flecks of brown throughout.
Personality: Natural leader-ish, working alongside Leo to train and help the other guys, but unwilling to purposefully put them in harm's way. She is willing to reprimand as well as discipline her trainees, so to speak, but when necessary she will comfort them to the best of her abilities when they are injured or heartbroken. She rarely gets mad, but when she does, it's best to get out of her way. She will fight anyone, or anything to ensure her family's safety. She worries about her brothers constantly, and will lay down her life without hesitation if it meant that they would be safe. She is extremely protective of her family, like a female wolf, and takes any threat to their safety very seriously, attacking anyone who comes near her family. Her greatest fear is losing her family as a result of her actions.
Random factiods: She is uncannily good at tracking people, especially when working with Lupa. She heals very fast, able to survive things that would kill a normal person. She can also smell the pheromones that are secreted when strong emotions are felt.
Weapons of choice: Ninjaken,Tomahawks and shurikens. And her wicked claws, too.
General description: (2012) Like Splinter, Asami is tall and wiry, and stronger than she looks, so don't underestimate her. She wraps her arms and legs halfway, until it forms finger-tipless gloves, and wears a black ninja catsuit with a charcoal grey sash to store her tomahawks and other gear in. Either that, or a teal t-shirt and Spandex Capri, although that's a rare occurrence, as she prefers to be prepared for anything at all times. She also has a teal and light gray form-fitting Kamino with an ocean blue sash (Only for special occasions, though.) similar to her father's. Tomahawks are strapped to her shoulders, and ninjaken is strapped to her left thigh. She looks a bit younger than as she is, but can usually act her age, and then some.
(2003) Taller than basically the rest of her family, Asami teases her siblings about it constantly. Lean, and lithely muscular. Wears a Spandex black outfit that reaches down to her knees and elbows. Either that, or a pair of faded, patched Bell-Bottom jeans and her Spandex top. She doesn't have a lot of cloths. ;)
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Fandom: TMNT 2012/2003
Full name: Lupa Giovanna Hamato
Parent(s): Splinter, or Hamato Yoshi.
Siblings: Hamato Asami, Hamato Leonardo, Hamato Raphael, Hamato Donatello, and Hamato Michelangelo
Age during Rise of the Turtles/Things Change: 15 & 1/2
Fur color: The same as Asami's.
Eye color: Same as Asami's
Hair: Light brown, down to middle back. Usually held up in a high ponytail, or messy bun.
Mask color: Emerald Green/Sapphire blue mix.
Weapon(s) of choice: Double scythe, nunchuck(one), and shurikens. She also uses her claws sometimes.
Personality: Quiet some of the time, good listener when needed. Understanding when explained to, but willing to totally kick back and be a kid other times. She can be serious when required, and immature when called for. As with any Hamato, she would rather die than let any of her siblings get hurt, and hates it when they are. As she started out an animal, she has a little bit more of an animal-like appearance, and is scared to death that she'll lose her reason. and hurt her family, or worse. In a lot of ways, she's like Mikey. She knows when to be serious, and when she can crack jokes and pull pranks. Wears only black sports bra, with Spandex shorts underneath. Sore spot between the girls occasionally.
Random Factiods: She is better at smelling things like sweat, perfume, and other scents than Asami, but can't smell pheremones like her sister can. As a tracking team, they are nearly unparalleled.
General Description: Literally a younger version of Asami (ish), Lupa strives to be like her older sister, but only wears only black sports bra, with Spandex shorts on her legs. Wraps her arms and legs from her palms to just barely past her ankles and wrists. Sore spot between the girls occasionally.
And this is the copy-and-paste section of my profile. Credit goes to Skipper911 (I think). Enjoy!!
Every abortion is just...
One more heart that was stopped
Two more eyes that will never see
Two more hands that will never touch
Two more legs that will never run
One more mouth that will never speak.
Abortion is wrong. People are here on earth for a reason, and some crazy mothers don't want their babies.
If you are against abortion copy and paste!!
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...
Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics.
If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.
If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.
Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.
The road to success is always under construction.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? ... "Hold my purse."
Can't stand me? Then sit down.
Roses are red,
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.
I hate it when the voices and my imaginary friends fight.
I'm not clumsy... The floor just hates me.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust?
You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.
Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me " HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY!
Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.
Education is important. School, however, is another matter.
I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.
Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.
Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.
When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I'm not sure about the universe.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.
Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.
You know what?! Earth sucks, I’m going home.
The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality.
You say I suffer from insanity?! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! Actually quite the opposite! I rather enjoy my insanity!
i didn't loose my mind the people inside my head stole it and they won't give it back ! :(
I'm a chocolate-loving chocolate lover that loves chocolate.
Does anybody have a recipe for "I don't know" or "I don't care"? It's what my family requested for supper and I can't seem to find my recipes.
I do NOT have a short attention sp-OMG A SQUIRREL!
For all the optimists who say, "You can do whatever you put your mind to" - I want to see you staple Jello to a tree.
Life is not always perfect. Things don't always go your way, people are not always nice, and blue crayons do not taste like blueberries.
Silence is Golden..but Duct-Tape comes in a variety of colors and patterns, and its much more effective. ;p
How does paper beat rock? Stand in front of me so I can throw a rock at you and try to protect yourself with a friggin piece of paper!
Someone left a note on a piece of cake in the fridge that said, "Do not eat!". I ate the cake and left a note saying, "Yuck, who the hell eats paper ? "
They say expect the unexpected, then that makes the unexpected expected. But if we are still expecting the unexpected shouldn't we be expecting the expected???
Why do banks attach pens to the counters? Do they honestly believe we go in there thinking "Give me all your mo... Wait.. quick grab the pens! Grab the pens!!
The cops just came by my house and said my dog was chasing a kid on a bike. I told them that was a damn lie, my dog can't ride a bike.
Imperfection makes us all perfect in our own unique way.
Don't try to make me someone I'm not, if you want copies get a printer.
Thank you for calling House of Insanity. Head nut speaking.
Have you ever felt like, even though you know you are where you are supposed to be, you still don't belong?
Some people think I have a screw loose. Well bad news for them, I lost the screwdriver.
Aw, good spider. Come here spider. Let me pet you...WITH MY SHOE! Good spider. Dead spider. :)
I was going to quit all my bad habits but then it occurred to me- no one likes a quitter.
Effective Ways On How To Annoy/Scare/Weird Out The Living Daylights Outta People (on elevators, in computer labs, etc.)
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World." incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh no, not now, darn motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally.
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say, "I wonder what all these do." and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
25. Ask every passenger that goes up if you can press the button for them.
26. Log on to a computer, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream: "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
27. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
28. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the dang thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
29. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
30. Bring a chain saw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
31. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
32. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
33. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, and then when it's all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
34. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
35. Send e-mails constantly to the person next to you.
36. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
37. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
38. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
39. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
40. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
41. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
42. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
43. Swat at flies that don't exist.
44. Dance, while drumming noisily against the walls.
If You Believe
If you think that God isn't real and that Jesus Christ didn't suffer and die for us, just think about this. There's a molecule in our body called laminin which holds all of our cells together. Without it we could not exist as our cells could not bind. Laminin is in the shape of a cross so we have millions of microscopic crosses holding us together every day of our lives. God's love holds us together every day of our lives.
If Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior,and you want everyone visits/sees your profile to know, copy and paste this into your profile.
Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...
He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...
He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...
He had no army, yet kings feared him...
He won no military battles, yet he conquered the World...
He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...
He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today
Feel honored to serve such a leader who loves us...
If you believe and God and Jesus Christ is His son...
Then copy and paste this into your profile
If you ignore him, in the Bible, Jesus says..
"If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my father in Heaven..."
WHEN I SAY I AM A CHRISTIAN
When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not shouting "I am saved" I'm whispering "I was lost!" That is why I chose this way."
When I say..."I am a Christian" I don't speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble and need someone to be my guide.
When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I'm weak and pray for strength to carry on.
When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting I have failed and cannot ever pay the debt.
When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect, my flaws are too visible but God believes I'm worth it.
When I say..."I am a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain I have my share of heartaches which is why I seek His name.
When I say..."I am a Christian" I do not wish to judge. I have no authority. I only know I'm loved.
I FIND IT INTERESTING THAT A HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL CAN SEE THE PROBLEM, BUT OUR SOCIETY CANNOT. IF I OFFEND ANYONE BY THIS, I REALLY DON'T APOLOGIZE !
JESUS said, "If you are ashamed of ME before men, then I will be ashamed of you before MY FATHER.."
If you are not ashamed, past this on your profile
I'm not one bit ashamed to past this, Are you?
Please read-true story (not me)
I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.
The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.
The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.
The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.
She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.'
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.'
His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''
My heart nearly stopped.
The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.'
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.'
'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.'
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check
'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'
Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''
'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
'My mommy loves white roses.'
A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.
I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started.
I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.
The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.
Was this the family of the little boy?
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.
And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:
1) Repost this message, or
A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer then planned, and had to walk home alone. She hasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.
As she walked under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he was waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped around her, she felt though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley way just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recogize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she can identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man have been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they can do for her. She asked if they can ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking either side of her." Amazingly, wheather you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won't repost it?
Repost this if you truly believe in God.
IF YOU IGNORE THIS WITHOUT READING IT YOU HAVE NO HEART...BUT IF YOU FIND YOU CANNOT STOP UNTIL YOU REACH THE END THEN YOU MUST HAVE A VERY BIG HEART.
Her dad was a drunk
She always talked to it
Until her parents
A bruise on her leg
But she grabs her bear
She sits in the corner
Such a bad life
Then one night
Then her mom suddenly
She thrust the blade
The mom walked out
Police showed up
One officer slowly
It must have been bad
If this made you cry, put it in you profile. STOP CHILD ABUSE!!
If this does not bring tears to your eyes are even stirs your heart, then you a cold bastard that doesn't deserve the luxury of a nice house, warm food, and a soft bed.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less from people but more from yourself.
You have two choices... smile and close this page,
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Girl: Do you like me?
Girl: Do you want me?
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Girl: Would you live for me?
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Girl: Choose -- Me or your life.
Boy: My life.
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says:
" The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind"
"The reason why I don't like you is because I love you"
"The reason why I don't want you is because I need you"
"The reason why I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left"
"The reason why I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you"
"The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you"
"The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life"
If you find this incredibly cute and touching, paste this into your profile
Female come backs for pick up lines
Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together
Man: Your eyes they're amazing. Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you." Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not Enter"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason" Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
If you repost this you will get a phone call 37 minutes after you repost this... If you don't resend this then your love life will be doomed for eternity.
Repost as "female comebacks"
Would you do this?
Girl: Slow down!
Guy: No this is fun!
Girl: No it's not! Please, it's way to scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you. Now slow down.
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
(She gave him a big hug.)
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself? It's bothering me.
In the newspaper, the next day, a motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure.
Two people were on it and only one survived.
The truth was, that half way down the road the guy realized his breaks were out and he didn't want the girl to know.Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loved him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so she would live even if it meant he would die.
Favorite Lines from TMNT 2012:
Raph: Alright, Donnie. Put down the staff and no one gets hurt.
Mikey: Cool. Can we get tattoos? I wanna get one of my face on my face. It'll be like I'm wearing a mask and the mask is me! (Awkward silence) I just blew your minds, right?
Mikey: Aw. Are you talking to your pet turtle?
Raph: So what's with the girl who tried to kill you?
Splinter: Leonardo, you are not the first young man, or turtle, to make a fool of yourself over a girl.
Leo: Okay, start talking Pigeon Man.
April: It's not about spit, it's about the DNA.
Donnie: Why do you keep grabbing my face?! What is wrong with my face?!
Splinter: You must find the space between your thoughts and learn to live there. That's what Michelangelo does.
Donnie: Whoa! That's a subspacial endoparticle disrupter!
Leo: Donnie, hack into the system and see what you can find out about the Kraang's plot. Raph you're with me, Mikey stay with Donnie.