Author has written 6 stories for Percy Jackson and the Olympians, My Little Pony, and Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir.
THINGS ABOUT ME AFTER THIS FIRST NOTE!!!
Concerning My Stories:
I have recently come to realize that I am incapable of writing chapter stories. As of today (March 17/2015 at 6:23pm Eastern Time) I am going to try and convert ALL of my chapter stories to one/two/three-shots. This does mean that there might be less detail or that it's a longer read for one sitting but this is so I can complete each and every story of mine. I want you guys to be able to read every story of mine from start to finish. I will also be doing this for my Digimon stories that are (currently) on Hiatus. I hope you guys will accept this and if any of you have questions concerning this, feel free to pm me and I will answer it to the best of my ability.
Oh and would you guys like a list of my stories and their info on here along with or stuff like that. Something you'd see on other author's pages. If you do, please tell me. I'll be happy to put it up. Though I'd have to find places to add it in... it shouldn't be to hard.
One final thing, I will accept people sending requests to me. I just ask that the rating stay "T" and below and is for the fandoms of:
I will refuse if I don't like something or something that makes me uncomfortable in any way. Try and keep it with my ships if at all possible too. Please and thank you.
Things About Me
Name: I respect those of you who are brave enough to put your name out there but I am not one of you. I don't trust the internet enough to out my name out on a site like this. So for those of you who want to call me something, just call me Elements1999 (or Elements for short, as long as it's in a pm, if not, refer to me using my whole username)
Gender: I am a male. Yes, you will see things that may seem girly or gay, just know that not all is as it seems. You dare say something to me about it that is rude, and I will come back with a vengeance. You don't have anything nice to say, then shut your trap and keep it to yourself. I am who I am and you can deal with it or go to hell.
Age: I would say my age, but one, it's rude to ask peoples ages, and two, I rather keep my age to myself.
Favorite Animal: I am a cat lover. I do like some dogs, but not all. If you don't like cats, don't comment on it. I have enough people give me crap about it and I don't need anyone else giving me crap about my love of cats. And no, just because I like cats doesn’t mean I'm going to be alone all my life with fifty million cats.
Hobbies: My hobbies include
Sleeping (I do it enough that it should be considered a hobby)
Playing my Violin
Playing video games
Listening to music
Favorite Books/Book Series:
Percy Jackson and the Olympians/Heroes of Olympus
Diary of a Wimpy Kid
The Grimm Legacy
Favorite TV Shows/Anime:
NCIS: New Orleans
The Tomorrow People
Agents of Shield
Sword Art Online
Free! Iwatobi Swim Club / Free! Eternal Summer (Season1/Season2)
Favorite Music/Music Artists:
3 Doors Down
Little Big Town
Taylor Swift (somewhat)
Jeff Williams and Casey Lee Williams
Things I don't Like:
People questioning what you like or how you should act just because of your gender or how you look.
People picking on others just for being gay/lesbian. They are who they are and if you don’t like them, they stay away from them.
People who yell at you when they were given a fair warning before hand.
People who give you a hard time for something when you are A) new to it B) terrible at it or C) trying your very best at it.
Random questions/thoughts from me:
Has anyone noticed that there is only one Jedi Knight/Sith Warrior in Digimon. Lobomon, from Digimon Frontier, wields two swords of light, which is essentially a lightsaber.
Has anyone noticed that the tolerance for gay sex has declined. Way back when, in the times of Ancient Greece and Ancient Rome, people had gay sex all the time and no one cared. Now, the moment someone hears about gay sex, they have a look of utter disgust and people look like someone just shot a small child. Hell, I've seen people have the look my younger brother gave when he was four and didn’t want to eat those nasty fruits and vegetables. So why did this happen? Anyone know because I sure as hell don’t and I would very much like to know why it did happen.
Digimon Adventure 01:
Digimon Adventure 02:
TK/Kari (much more than the last one as they are older and hotter than what they were)
Digimon Data Squad:
Free! Iwatobi Swim Club / Free! Eternal Summer:
Favorite Percy Jackson Couples
Percabeth (cannon only)
PERNICO (Hint hint wink wink... TAKE A HINT PEOPLE)
Percy/Zeus (Only if I deem it worthy... I usually hate this couple but I've seen a couple good stories for this couple... Takara Phoenix)
Percy/Ares (It's slowly growing on me... VERY slowly)
Percy/Stolls (As a threesome and separate... as in Percy/Conner and Percy/Travis separate)
Jason/Nico (anyone know the ship name? Pm me if you do because I would so love to know the name for this couple)
Nico/Anubis (I've seen Anubis in so many PJO stories paired with Nico, that I am making Anubis an honorary PJO/Greek Mythology Character/God/Person even though he's from Egyptian Mythology)
List twelve of your favorite PJO characters in no particular order and then answer the following questions.
1.) Have you ever read a 6/11 fic? Do you want to?
No, I wouldn't say that I want to but it would be interesting to read.
2.) Do you think 4 is hot? How hot?
Hmmm I would give him a 8. I'm not gay though so I wouldn't date him. Plus he's my dad so that would be awkward...
3.) What would happen if 12 got 8 pregnant?
Unless it's something like how Athena can get pregnant off from a guy just from their thoughts and smarts (beauty and hunting for 8 and 12) it would be impossible.
4.) Can you recall any fics about 9?
Yes, I know that there is one where Apollo falls in love with Percy Jackson and then another where he loves Hermes
5.) Would 2 and 6 make a good couple?
I'm not entirely sure. They don't seem like they would be a good couple but then again the most unexpected things tend to happen to me and just about everyone else I know so it could be possible that they would make a great couple.
6.) 5/9 or 5/10? Why?
Hmmmm Hades and Apollo or Hades and Annabeth Chase. I would go with option #1. The reason, Hades needs a little sunshine in his life (pun intended) and I'm pretty sure that Hades would end up killing Annabeth because her know-it-all attitude. That's what I feel. P.S. For you Annabeth lovers out there, I love Annabeth but I've always felt that she acted like a know-it-all because she is the daughter of Athena and knows a whole lot of stuff that I don't know.
7.) What would happen if 7 walked in on 2 and 12 making out?
Hestia walking in on Nico and Aphrodite making out. Personally I would be a little shocked but then again Aphrodite is the goddess of beauty and could probably win over any strait guy or lesbian woman she wanted to. Hestia would probably be shocked too. Then again she could also ignore it or just not notice it because Aphrodite probably has a different guy/woman every day to every week.
8.) Make up a summary for a 3/10 fic.
Jason has been having some troubles learning Ancient Greek. Not wanting anyone to find out that the great and powerful Jason Grace needs help he turns to his only friend who he could trust with keeping a secret, Annabeth Chase.
I'm not sure how I would do a Jason/Annabeth fic. I can only do my best though.
9.) Is there any such thing as 1/8 fluff?
Actually, yes. I don't remember what it was about or what happened, but I remember at one point it had a little Percy/Artemis fluff. It even said in the summary "possible Percy/Artemis fluff."
10.) Suggest a title for a 6/12 hurt/comfort fic.
Not sure if I would do a Athena/Aphrodite hurt/comfort fic. Actually, I'm not sure if I would do a Athena/Aphrodite fic at all*
11.) Does anyone on your friends list read 3 het?
I'm going to answer this question as a maybe. I mean I talk to very few people on this sight. Out of the random people I do talk to, there is only two people that are PJO fans (as far as I know of). One of them is a hardcore Jercy fan and the other is, well, I don’t even know. It's usually Nicercy, but there has also been a little Jercy along with just about every other good ship out there so I'm not even sure with her.
12.) Does anyone on your friends list write or draw 11?
Out of the few PJO friends I have, no. Wait. Actually yes. She does a lot of Pipabeth and Piper/Annabeth/Reyna.
13.) Would anyone on your friends list write 2/4/5?
I'm going to say no. I mean Poseidon/Hades, yes but not with Nico.
14.) If you wrote a Song-fic about 8, what song would you choose?
Survival - Eminem ft. Liz Rodrigues - Hunting is all about Survival of the Fittest - I'm not sure if there is any other song I listen to that would work for Artemis
15.) If you wrote a 1/6/12 fic, what would the warning be?
My warning would be, prepare for the unexpected. I doubt I would EVER write a Percy/Athena/Aphrodite fic though.
16.) When was the last time you read a fic about 5?
The last time I read a fic about Hades, never. Last time I read a fic with Hades in it with a minor talking part, about an hour ago. Wait I might have read a fic about Hades if you count him adopting Percy and acting as a father to him.
17.) "1 and 7 are in a happy relationship until 9 runs off with 7. 1, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with 11 and a brief unhappy affair with 6, then follows the wise advice of 5 and finds true love with 5. What title would you give this fic?
Percy and Hestia are in a happy relationship until Apollo runs off with Hestia. Percy, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with Piper and a brief unhappy affair with Athena, then follows the advice of Hades and finds true love with Hades.
I feel that the only relationship between Percy and Hestia would be a relationship like mother/son or brother/sister. Not only that, but I'm pretty sure that Hestia is a maiden goddess, meaning Hestia isn't going to be dating anyone. Not only that but I wouldn't see her being with Apollo. Then there's the fact that Percy had a one-night stand with Piper. I've always seen Piper with either Jason or Annabeth, not Percy. Then there's Percy getting advice from Hades, which I doubt would ever happen, and then he (Percy) falls in-love with him (Hades). I could see Percy and Hades falling in love. I mean I do ship it. Anyways, I wouldn't see this being a fanfic ever.
If I had to give this a title, I would name it Unexpected Things.
18.) How would you feel if 7/8 were in a heated argument?
I wouldn't know how I would feel. I mean I wouldn't ever see Hestia getting in an argument. Even if she did I wouldn't see her arguing with Artemis.
19.) What would you think if you found 5 was a really good friend of a sibling or relative of yours?
I'd think: Well that's one less god to scratch off from my "Which Greek Gods and Goddesses Have I Met" list.
20.) How would you react if you saw 8 and 11 in a closet together with a rubber ducky?
I'd question my sanity.
21.) How would you feel if 2 dissed you in the worst possible way ever?
I'd feel terrible because Nico is one of the demigods I respect and look up to. The only other ones are Percy, Thalia, Jason, Hazel and Bianca. If I made Nico made I would feel really bad because I never meant to. I mean who would want to make Nico mad? He's awesome for gods sake.
22.) What would you say if you found out that 12 was a rapist?
Aphrodite a rapist. I would just laugh and say Good one, now really what's up.
23.) You just came home from school and all of your friends hate you, your teacher just gave you an F on the most important project of the year and your parents have grounded you as your teacher had already called and told them of your grade. You open the door to your bedroom and you find 10 rummaging through your stuff. What do you do?
I'd be questioning my sanity because I just saw Annabeth Chase going through all of my things. After I got over the shock I'd start yelling and then probably go and do something incredibly stupid because my life was ruined, minus the fact that Annabeth was going through my stuff. That would just make me angry and confused.
24.) What would you feel this second if 4 gave you a daisy right now?
I'd feel confused. I mean why would Poseidon give me a daisy? He's my dad for gods sake.
25.) 6 has just stolen your hairbrush. What is the first thing you would say?
I would think: Why the hell does Athena need to steal my hairbrush. Actually why do I even have a hairbrush. I'm a guy. Guys use combs not hairbrushes. I would then say: Athena, give me back my hairbrush before I get Rachel to throw hers at you just like she did with grandpa.
26.) 7, 9, and 4 have banded together at three in the morning and starts to sing the most annoying song you know as loud as they can, waking you up. What is the first thing you think?
I'd think: Where the hell did I put those magic earplugs that Tyson gave me to block out all noise so I don't lose my hearing from explosions.
27.) 2 and 11 are your teachers. What would you do?
Nico and Piper are teaching me. I'd A)check that I have the right class B)question why Piper and Nico are teaching me what ever class it is (if they do not seem like the right teachers for the class) C)question why Travis and Conner Stroll are trying to video tape this learning session in secret but are doing a horrible job at it.
1.) If you could hang out anywhere in Camp Half-Blood, where would it be?
Every where... It would just be fun to hang out in Camp Half-Blood anyways, doesn't matter where you are
2.) Which PJO Character Would You Date?
Strait - Rachel (if she wasn't taken or if she was allowed to date) Gay - Nico
3.) Which PJO Character Is Your Best Friend?
4.) Which PJO Character Do You Hate?
Octavian, Drew, Khioni, Smelly Gabe... there's more but it would take days to read.
5.) Your Favorite PJO book?
House of Hades (as of 3:04 am on 6/27/2014)
6.) Your Favorite PJO Character?
My favorite would be Nico and then my half brother Percy
7.) Favorite God or Goddess
Sorry dad but it's Hestia. My dad Poseidon is giving her a run for her money though :)
8.) Percy walks up to you, what do you do?
See if we can go soak Clarisse in and the Ares cabin in toilet water.
9.) You just got 2 tickets to go see a concert, who do you take with you?
I'd take who ever would like the concert the most. I don't want my Percy, Nico, or anyone else to have a bad time because they didn't like the band.
10.) You get stranded on a deserted island... Who is with you?
Percy and Nico. We would enjoy a nice vacation and then someone would get us off the island... it never said it was only one person :)
11.) Hermes asked you to help him repopulate Olympus...what is your answer to this disturbing question?
Give him a cat and say that cats are awesome and that there needs to be more of them... at that point Bast comes out and gives me a bath because I'm one of her kittens... :)
12.) Favorite PJO Pairing?
Look at my Percy Jackson pairings up at the top. They're all my favorites and I cant choose.
13.) You and the Big Three are on Olympus...??
Say hi to my dad Poseidon, say hi to my favorite Uncle, tell Zeus that he sucks because he's trying to break up what could be such a wonderful family, and then run for my life (if I'm still a mortal)
14.) If you could spend your Friday Nights doing something, what would it be?
Swim with Percy or shadow travel with Nico
15.) Favorite PJO Quote?
With great power comes a great need for a nap - Nico - I can never remember the exact words of the quote but this is basically it
16.) Favorite Percy Moment?
When Percy and Annabeth are in the Argo II and are on a secret date only to be caught by Coach Hedges
17.) Favorite Nico Moment?
When Nico tells Percy about his former crush on him only to go crush on his new crush, AKA: Will (found in Blood of Olympus)
18.) Favorite god or goddess Moment?
Is it safe to say I LOVE all the moments with the Gods and Goddesses. They're all my favorites
19.) Favorite Grover Moment?
When he loses his pants and Percy sees that he has goat legs in the Lightning Thief
20.) Favorite Random Moment?
Thalia: "You want some, Seaweed Brain?"
Percy: "Bring it, Pinecone Face!"
Normal People VS PJO Fans
NORMAL PEOPLE: Rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast
PJO FANS: Will tell Zeus to make it rain
NORMAL PEOPLE: Say OMG!
PJO FANS: Say OH MY GODS!
NORMAL PEOPLE: Go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings
PJO FANS: Won't go to one because they will take away their awesome demigod powers
NORMAL PEOPLE: Say shut up or i'll tell on you!
PJO FANS: Say shut up or my godly parent will vaporize you!
NORMAL PEOPLE: Think that PJO fans are stupid
PJO FANS: Know that normal people are stupid
NORMAL PEOPLE: When being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY!
PJO FANS: When being chased use their demigod powers
NORMAL PEOPLE: Get nervous/scared during thunderstorms
PJO FANS: Yell at Zeus to calm down (NOTE: I've had MANY conversations with Zeus due to this... It's also led to some (TONS of) near death experiences)
NORMAL PEOPLE: Would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation
PJO FANS: Would try and find Camp Half Blood
NORMAL PEOPLE: Don't have this on their profile.
PJO FANS: MUST have this on their profile!
RANDOM LIST OF STUPIDITY!!
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have a screen name or Myspace.
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) You read this list, & keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list, you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You actually scrolled back up to check that there was a number 5.
11.) & now you're laughing at your stupidity.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for it. And you know you did.
See...I wasn't talking bout me when I said stupid.
now for semoehtnig itnresitng...
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
If you could read that put it in your profile.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
I do this stuff
You talk to yourself a lot.
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.
When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.
After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, 'Holy crap, this stuff is great for sugar highs...'
You live off of sugar and caffeine
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.
You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.
No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.
Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.
People think you have A.D.D.
You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.
You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.
You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a
And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer:
You failed English 101.
(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list:
Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe)
Paper Hearts and Paper Cuts
Chutneyispower (Damn right!)
Dark Flame Pheonix (guilty as charged)
XxXSand-Jounin-TemariXxX (What better way to spend your day?)
Awaii, Luna2986(Done that 5-10 times XD)
Elements1999 (no one can get me off my laptop with the exception of my parents :})
I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.
No trespassing, violators will be shot and survivors will be shot again.
It takes 47 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
He who laughs last thinks the slowest.
My imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous, everyone hasn't met me yet.
When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in your enemies' eyes and RUN!
If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.
Truth is always stranger then fiction.
I like the insanity but stop the stupidity!
Those that say "Those that say nothing's impossible never tried to slam a revolving door" obviously have never slammed a revolving door into someone or something- ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
Order is for the stupid, true geniuses live in chaos.
In the end, the world as we know it doesn't exist.
This is not something to be tossed aside lightly... It should be thrown with great force!
Those who live by the sword get shot by those that don't.
Never knock on Deaths door- ring the doorbell and run away! He really hates that!
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party!
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
When life gives you lemons, give them back and DEMAND CHOCOLATE.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
LOOK MA, NO BRAIN!
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.
Suicide is a way of telling God, "YOU CAN'T FIRE ME, I QUIT!"
Death is a way of God telling you not to be a wise guy.
If at first you don't succeed, then destroy all evidence that you tried.
That which doesn't kill you will probably try again.
It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?
If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
Don't play dumb with me, I'll always win.
Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
Evening news is where they tell you 'good evening' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Join the army! Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them!
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your kids.
They didn't let me out, they just gave me a day pass!
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't.
A day without sunshine is like... night.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
All those who believe in telekinesis raise my hand.
BAD COP! NO DONUTS!
Confucius say: "Man who stands on toilet is high on pot!"
Gravity is a myth: the Earth sucks.
I have the Body of a god...Buddha...
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt... Then it's hilarious!
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail… but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying “Damn… That was fun!”
333... I’m only half evil!
Don’t take life too seriously. It isn’t permanent!
I don’t have a drinking problem! I get drunk, I pass out no problem.
Yesterday is another country, borders are now closed.
Right now I've got amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before...
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to go for the one I've never tried before.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Be kind to your offspring. They get to choose your nursing home.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
Cancer cures smoking.
Constipated people don't give a crap.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Do old men wear boxers or briefs? - Depends.
Don't steal. The government hates the competition.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
I almost had a psychic lover, but they left me before we met.
I bet you $50 I can stop gambling.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian.
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of food?
Few women admit their age, few men act it.
Vegetarians taste better.
I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to.
So many people...so few comets.
Comfort the disturbed. Disturb the comforted.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
You non-conformists are all alike.
Love: Two vowels, two consonants, two fools.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
Pride is what we have. Pity is what others have.
Forget about world peace . . . visualize using your turn signal.
Sex is like pizza, when it's bad it's still kinda good.
Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
We have enough youth! How about a fountain of intelligence?
Jesus loves you! But everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Spandex: A privilege, not a right.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
At a nudist wedding everyone can see who the best man is.
Caution: I know karate...and six other Chinese words.
Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.
Never visit a doctor who can't keep her office plants alive.
Dyslexics of the world unite!
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.
Follow your dream! (Unless it's the one where you're at work only wearing underwear during a fire drill.)
Forecast for tonight: dark.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I never got around to it.
I don't get even, I get odder.
If marriage was outlawed only outlaws would have in-laws.
If Noah had been truly wise, he would have swatted those two flies.
Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people.
If your nose runs and your feet smell you were probably built upside down.
I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.
"Auntie Em: Hate you; hate Kansas, taking the dog."
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself!
In just two days tomorrow will be yesterday.
Last night I played a blank tape full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
I'm not broke I'm just having an out of money experience.
My inferiority complex is not nearly as good as yours.
Ignoring bullshit is wrong. Bullshit makes the flowers grow, and that's beautiful.
If you can't baffle them with brilliance, befuddle them with bullshit.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough.
Quantum Mechanics: the stuff dreams are made of.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
24 hours in a day... 24 beers in a case... coincidence?
If you choke a Smurf what color does it turn?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once. Never opened. Small stain
OK, so what's the speed of dark'?
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Someday we'll look back on all this, and plow into a parked car.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he/she isn't there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing him/her again.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
If you're going to do something wrong, have fun doing it.
You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP
A true friend stabs you in the front.
Cry me a river, build a bridge, and jump off it.
I take a simple view of living. It is to keep your eyes open and get on with it.
You can't say that civilization doesn't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.
To some, death may be a blessing, to others, a vice. Me? I think death is a necessity.
They condemn what they do not understand
There are a few ways to silence the screams. Bullets happen to be one of the more efficient methods.
Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother@#?!&! upside the head. Pass it on.
What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?
FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost
FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive
FRIENDS: Will watch my pets when I go away
FRIENDS: Will help me up when I fall down
FRIENDS: Will go to a concert with me
FRIENDS: Ask me for my number
FRIENDS: Hide me from the cops
FRIENDS: let me make an idiot of myself in public
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs., and Grandpa by Grandpa.
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
PLEASE READ WHAT'S UNDER THIS!!
I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
I am the enthusiastic friend that comes to a party of a friend's and wonders what her friend would do if she kissed her.
If you think it's stupid that girls are associated with the color pink, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room copy and paste this on your profile.
If you ever felt like just running somewhere, add this to your profile.
If you hear voices of the characters in your head... copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
If you've started having dreams featuring fictional characters, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that says pull (or vice versa) copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away then remembered, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you get too excited for books, movies, etc. to come out copy and paste this in your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then laugh while people try to figure out what the hell you did.
Have you seen my mind? I seem to have lost it.
I'm not clumsy... The floor just hates me.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Remember this, if someone is bothering you. It takes 40 muscles to frown, but it takes only three to stick up your middle finger and say, "Bite me!"
I just wasted 7 hours of my life reading fanfiction...7 more won't hurt.
whoever thinks sunshine is happiness, has never danced in the rain.
My imaginary friend thinks you have a very serious problem...
Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.
When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive
I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Don't knock on Death's door, ring the bell then run he hates that
A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.'
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
If you can’t beat them, join them. If you can’t join them, bribe them. If you can’t bribe them, blackmail them.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Curiosity killed the cat and whoever else got in my way.
Please, they wouldn't come near me if they were on fire, and I had the only bucket of water in town.
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.
A palm can say a lot, especially when I smack you with it.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is NOT for you!
I trip UP the stairs.
Don't follow me. I run into walls.
I am the bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.
It's a beautiful day! Now watch some idiot screw it up.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to do!
The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Be strong now. Because things will get better. It may be stormy now. But it can't rain forever...
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the Moon!
Whoever said nothing was impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door.
Break the rules. Stand apart. Ignore your head. Follow your heart.
When nothing goes right... go left.
I'm not crazy. My reality is just... different than yours.
I'm not deaf. I'm just ignoring you.
It takes skill to trip over a flat surface!
If we die, I'll kill you!
7 REASONS NOT TO MESS WITH SMALL CHILDREN!!!
When life gives you Lemons
When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because I mean really? Who likes lemons?
When Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, sit back and watch the world wonder how.
When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then laugh while people try to figure out what the hell you did.
When life gives you lemons, chuck them at the people you hate.
When life gives you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade!
When life gives you lemons squirt them in life's eyes, then run far, far away.
When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate.
There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.
Never cancel dinner plans by text message.
Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.
If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.
When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.
If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.
Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.
A suntan is earned, not bought.
Never lie to your doctor.
All guns are loaded.
The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.
Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.
A handshake beats an autograph.
If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.
Never get your hair cut the day of a special event.
Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.
It’s never too late for an apology.
If you have the right of way, take it.
You don’t get to choose your own nickname.
Never push someone off a dock.
Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant.
Know when to ignore the camera.
Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too.
Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.
Admit it when you’re wrong.
If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.
Look people in the eye when you thank them.
Thank the bus driver.
Never answer the phone at the dinner table.
Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
Know at least one good joke.
Know how to cook one good meal.
Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.
It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.
If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.
Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.
Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months.
Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs.
You are what you do, not what you say.
You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.
Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.
Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.
You’re never too old to need your mom.
Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.
If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.
When you cut yourself, clean and bandage it.
When you want to kill yourself, don’t.
Cutting calories doesn’t do anything but make you unhappy.
If the number on the scale rises, throw it out.
When you want to kill yourself, don’t.
Break up with the boy who says, “You had a sexy phase!” when you tell him that you’ve dated a girl before.
Your mother will try to become your best friend because you’re leaving for college soon. Let her.
When you want to kill yourself, don’t.
Your closest friend will stop talking to you when you leave for college.
It’s okay to cry.
When you want to kill yourself, don’t.
When you cut yourself again, clean and bandage it. Do not be ashamed.
When you want to kill yourself, don’t.
This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left.
I pretend to work. You pretend to pay me.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
And just how may I screw you over today?
And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be…?
I’m not your type; I’m not inflatable.
I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
Someone here is is thinking about sex. Okay, it’s me.
I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
Okay, okay, I take it back! Unfuck you!
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
You look like shit. Is that the style now?
Gentlemen, this is what rape culture is like:
Imagine you have a Rolex watch. Nice fancy Rolex, you bought it because you like the way it looks and you wanted to treat yourself. And then you get beaten and mugged and your Rolex is stolen. So you go to the police. Only, instead of investigating the crime, the police want to know why you were wearing a Rolex instead of a regular watch. Have you ever given a Rolex to anyone else? Is it possible you wanted to be mugged? Why didn’t you wear long sleeves to cover up the Rolex if you didn’t want to be mugged?
And then after that, everywhere you go, there are constant jokes about stealing your Rolex. People you don’t even know whistle at your Rolex and make jokes about cutting your hand off to get it. The media doesn’t help either; it portrays people who wear Rolexes as flamboyant assholes who secretly just want someone to come along and take that Rolex off their hands. When damn, all you wanted was to wear a nice watch without getting harassed for it. When you complain that you are starting to feel unsafe, people laugh you off and say that you are too uptight. Never mind you got violently attacked for the crime of wearing a friggin time piece.
Imagining all that? It sucks, doesn’t it.
Now imagine you could never take the Rolex off.
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list:
Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A.
Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A.
Evil Genius of the COCA
Invader Miley Phantom
Bella Masen Cullen
.Dr1v3n t0 1n5aN1Ty.
Rain C. frosty
Ghost Rider Fan123
20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...
On a Meyer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Tell that to my cousin who used it sleeping... she sleepwalks)
On a bag of Chips: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (Judge: Do you have anything to say Me: Well it said no purchase necessary)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (Now I need to figure out how to use regular soap... this is to much work)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (Why didn't I see this five minutes ago *says with tongue stuck to frozen dinner*)
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down". (Hmmm, I think you should have put this on the top of box. It might have been more useful then)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". (No really, I thought it would be freezing)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (So I'm supposed to iron my clothes naked. I think someone would call the cops when they saw through my open window then)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Well that would keep the rate of car accidents down along with the accident rate from using machinery)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (But I was told this was supposed to keep me awake. Time to go yell at my brother for his stupidity)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (I wanted to use them in space though. Better tell the astronauts they cant have decorations for Christmas then)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (What's the other use. How am I supposed to know what NOT to use it for if you don't tell me)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Well I would have never thought there would be peanuts in something that has the word peanut in the name)
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (Wait, so there are fake artificial bacon bits)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (Damn, I wanted the one that lets me fly. Looks like I need to return it now)
On a pack of Gushers: Do not eat unsupervised or while standing. (Who sued because I really see no use in this label. It's food that is meant to be eaten whenever you want a snack. You don't need someone standing over you watching you eat. That's just creepy. That and what if you're standing in a line to get into a concert. This can be eaten while standing... STUPID PARENTS)
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumb war with yourself (i find that i am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that stuff up in two seconds. That's why when I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you". Copy and paste this if you agree with this statement.
The boy you punched in the hall today. Committed suicide a few minutes ago.
That girl you called a slut in class today. She's a virgin.
The boy you called lame. He has to work every night to support his family.
That girl you pushed down the other day. She's already being abused at home.
That girl you called fat. She's starving herself.
The old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars. He fought for our country.
The boy you made fun of for crying. His mother is dying.
You think you know them. Guess what? You DON'T!
Re-post if you are against bullying. I bet 99% of you won't, but RE POST this if you're that 1% with a heart
37 Things to do in an Elevator
If Justin Bieber was about to jump off a skyscraper, 80% of people would be crying their eyes out and screaming "DON'T DO IT!!!" 10% of people would be sitting in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn, 9% would be screaming and jumping on the couch with excitement with a bowl of chips at hand saying "JUMP JUMP JUMP!!!", while I would be part of the 1% that would be standing behind him ready to kick him and knock him off. Copy and paste this onto your profile if you are that 1%
Try not to cry:
Mummy... Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told all his friends it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great, huge crack,
Mummy, i was a good girl, i did what i was told,
I went to school, i got straight A's, i even got the gold!
When i went to school that day,
I never said goodbye.
I'm sorry i had to go, but Mummy, please don't cry.
When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another.
All because, Johnny got the gun from his brother.
Mummy please tell daddy; that i love him very much.
And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; that it wasn't just a crush.
and tell my little sister; that she's the only one now.
And tell my dear, sweet grandma, that i'll be waiting for her now,
And tell my wonderful friends; they're always the best,
Mummy, I'm not the first, i'm no better than the rest.
Mummy, tell my teachers i won't show up for class,
And never to forget this; and please don't let this pass,
Mummy, why'd it have to be me? No one though, deserves this.
But Mummy, it's not fair; i left without a kiss.
But Mummy, it's not fair; i left without goodbye.
I think i even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.
Mummy, i'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest,
But Mummy, please remember i'm in heaven with the rest,
When i heard that great, big crack i ran as fast as i could.
Mummy, listen to me if you would,
I wanted to go to college, i wanted to tried things that were new.
I guess I'm not going with Daddy, on that trip to the new zoo.
i wanted to get married, i wanted to get a kid.
I wanted to be an actress, i really wanted to live.
But Mummy, i must go now. The time is getting late,
Mummy, tell my Zack i'm sorry to cancel the date.
I love you Mummy, i always have, i know you know it's true.
And Mummy, and i need to say is; "Mummy, i love you."
In memory of the Columbine & Virginia Tech,
Students Who Were Lost,
If you pass this on,
Maybe people will cry,
Just keep this in your heart,
For the people who didn't get to say "goodbye."
Now you have 2 choices:
About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them.
FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off.
Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true.
If you don't repost this saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you.
they hurt her!
WHY BOYS SHOULDN'T CHEAT
There was once a girl named Ashley who had a boyfriend named Jack.
Jack was the most popular guy in school.
The three most popular girls were Courtney, ASHLEY, and Emma.
Jack thought of Ashley as OKAY, but he REALLY liked Courtney.
Courtney liked jack also.
Well, of course she did, everyone did!
Ashley and Courtney were worst enemies.
Courtney tried to steal Jack away every time she had a chance to.
One day, Courtney asked Jack if he wanted to go to the movies.
Ashley heard everything...what movie theater and what time.
Ashley approached the movies that night and followed Jack and Courtney.
Ashley sat right behind them.
She watched them get close to each other and kiss...not only kiss, but practically get it on in the theater.
Courtney told Jack: "Do you want to come to my place and skip this boring movie?" He replied": "Hell, yes."
Ashley had peeked through Courtney's window.
Jack and her were messing around and Ashley watched the whole thing.
The next day at school Ashley wasn't there.
For the next few days Ashley wasn't there.
A week later her mother found her in her closet dead...she committed suicide because she had loved Jack so much.
Next to Ashley's dead body was a note.
A note that read: My dearest Jack, I watched you at the movie and at Courtney's house and I will continue to watch you.
I never thought you would do something like this to me.
I really loved you, Jack.
I died for you just like Jesus died for us.
Always with you, Ashley.
Please forward this or Ashley will haunt you and try to kill you because she wants everyone to know about Courtney
This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murder chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.
75 AWESOME WAYS TO MAKE YOUR TEACHER WANNA BACKHAND YOU!!
1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.)
2. After everything your teacher says, ask why continuously.
3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask” DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG??” very loudly.
4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that, simply reply, “wow I can tell you’re a blast at parties”
5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream “ THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!!”
6. Flick pieces of paper around the class.
7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say, “Your racist against paper aren’t you.”
8. Don’t do your Homework.
9. When your teacher asks you why you didn’t do your homework say “I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you’re the worst teacher ever.” then sit there and smile sweetly.
10. When you have a supply teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name is Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say “PROVE IT!”
11. When your teacher asks why you were late say, “My goldfish died.” Then burst into tears.
12. When handing in your homework, write "This paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds." at the bottom.
13. When you leave the class bow and say, “May the force be with you, young one.”
14. When the teacher turns the light off, start singing opera as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused.
15. Whisper to the person next to you. When the teacher comes up behind you, scream “OMG GET AWAY! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!!”
16. Walk into class dancing the Macarena
17. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room
18. Raise your hand and say "I totally agree!" after everything your teacher says
19. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow
20. Speak in French.
21. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume; say there was "a disturbance”
22. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well
23. "The homework’s due now? Oh, give me a minute then."
24. Hand in an essay where every word is misspelt.
25. Run in the room screaming, “THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”
26. When the teacher asks you why you are late, say, “The queen is never late, everyone else is simply early."
27. When a teacher asks you a question, say, “I’m sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you.”
28. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector, scream “AAH MY EYES!!”
29. Tell yourself knock-knock jokes, then laugh loads.
30. Hide under your desk and yell “THE SKY IS FALLING!”
31. When someone knocks on the door, shout “OH NO, THEY’RE COMING FOR ME!”
32. Bring in a 7th Grader and says he’s your new pet.
33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making, say a nuclear bomb.
34. When your teacher asks you a question, just stare at them.
35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice.
36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it.
37. If you’re playing a really boring game, make a big deal if you win.
38. Glue all their scissors together.
39. Make paperclip jewellery. I.e. necklaces, earrings, etc…
40. Pull out one strand of someone’s hair and yell “DNA!”
41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says ‘I am retarded’
42. Talk to a pen.
43. Put your hand up in a test and wait for your teacher to come over. When they whisper what’s wrong, yell “NO I WON’T MAKE OUT WITH YOU AFTER CLASS!”
44. Yell “LIAR!” to everything they say.
45. Smile. All the time.
46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, IT’S SPREADING!”
47. When a supply teacher is taking the register, say everyone is missing. Then, if they ask who you are, say ‘Your worst Nightmare’
48. When you know the answer, bounce up and down and go "OOOHH I KNOW THIS!!"
49. When a teacher calls on you say, "I forgot." To every question she asks.
50. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favourite song.
51. When the teacher is not facing you, get the whole class to move their desks forward towards the him/her!
52. Hum throughout the lesson, but make sure you do not get caught!
53. When a teacher asks you a question... Reply "ERM, COMPUTER SAYS NOOO!!"
54. When the teacher makes a statement, stand boldly and shout "I OBJECT!!"
55. REPEAT the last word the teacher says but say it much louder!
56. While the teachers back is turned, everyone swaps seats!
57. If you are sure you haven't passed the test, write your phone number at the end with a heart!
58. When you hear a Police car siren from outside, run around screaming in the classroom shouting "Oh no, they're here. Oh my god. Shit. Shit. Shit. What do I do? Miss/Sir you have to help me! Oh god. They must have found the body! HELP!"
59. When it's your turn to answer a question... Shout "NEXT!"
60. Every time she isn't looking at you have a slap war with the person sitting next to you.
61. Every time the announcements come on say”Oh No! Not the voices again!”
62.Every time they turn around, play charades with someone on the other side of the room.
63. Ask stupid questions that have nothing to do with what they’re teaching (e.g. Why do dogs have wet noses?)
64.If you're late, quote Tolkien: "A wizard is never late. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to."
65.Say to the teacher, "Excuse me, but I don't get ANY of this. If you could just start over from the beginning-say, September?
66. Sit in the front desk, where your teacher can see you. Then, just start scribbling in a notebook. When your teacher asks you, "What are you doing?" Reply by saying, "I'm drawing. Shouldn't you be teaching instead of looking at what I'm doing?"
67.If the teacher asks a question, jump up and down yelling "Pick me, pick me!" and act as if you're going to die if they don't call on you. Once they do, answer with "Orange".
68. Say "Seven days..." in a creepy voice
69.Write the words; “I hate school” in permanent marker on your forehead.
70. Make paper signs and go on strike because you are overworked and “underpaid”.
71.In history class, stand up and say, "Actually, that's not true at all." Then make up your own version, involving purple dragons.
72.When your teacher asks you a simple question such as "Who can tell us about Christopher Columbus and the effect he had on our history?" Be sure to include space aliens and giant pink elephants in your explanation
73. When asked to throw out your gum, politelty say "I regret to inform you that chewing gum is part of my religion, and I think it darn right rude of you to criticize the religion of another being!"
74. Send your teachers a list of "Ways to Annoy Your Teachers" in an envelope labeled "Blackmail."
75. Answer every question "Yes, Professor Umbridge..."
Alternate Universe (AU): A story which deviates from canon (see canon) and explores possible events had things happened differently. (Ex: What would have happened if Darth Vader had never gone to the Dark Side?)
A/N: Author's notes, commenting on his or her fic, or an element of it.
BAMF: Bad A* mother F*r (you can fill in the blanks.)
Bashing: Poking fun of a character, pairing, or topic, portraying them as unintelligent or ridiculous.
Beta: Someone who helps to edit a fic, or give suggestions about the plot.
Canon: The way the story unfolded originally outside of fan fiction; the way the original creator or author portrayed it.
Challenge: Similar to a writing prompt or plot bunny. (See plot bunny.) A challenge, though, sets specific guidelines/rules for the writer, or outlines objects or events the fic has to include. Can be any genre, or multiple genres. (See genre.) (Ex: Padme must knit a sweater for Anakin. Obi-Wan must learn to play the bagpipes. Mace Windu must wear purple. Must be rated PG.)
Companion Piece: A piece of writing that is connected to something else the author has written. Differs from a series in that events do not need to be in chronological order, or even mentioned in both stories. Similar emotions or events can connect them instead.
Crackfic: Fics that have unique or strange plots, or maybe no plot at all. Can usually be classified as humor. (Ex: A story about Darth Vader and the pet bunny he named Fred.)
Crossover: A fic which combines two or more fandoms, connecting canon events or creating situations where characters from different fandoms meet. (See fandom.)
Death fic: A fic that someone writes that is when the main character or just characters die normally one-shots or two-shots (see one-shot or two-shot)
Drabble: A very short piece of writing meant to convey or portray a specific emotion, point, or instance. 100 words only in its most strict form, not including A/N's. (See A/N)
Fanon: The fan version of canon. (See canon) The story might not have been written that way, but there are certain events, story lines, or characteristics that are accepted as fact by the fans.
Flame/Flaming: A cruel, overly harsh review of someone’s work without any constructive criticism.
Fluff: Fics that are lighthearted, usually very cute, or very romantic.
Gen/Genfic: A story that is free of any slash or overly graphic content. (See slash.) Can also be used to mean that the story is free of any type of romantic relationship.
Genre: The category a story belongs to. (Ex: Humor, angst, romance, ect.)
Genderbending: Where a character is the opposite sex than what was shown in the cannon. (see cannon)
Het: A romantic relationship in a story between a male and a female.
IC: In character. The way that a character's personality is portrayed matches what fans have come to expect from that character. (Exs: Max likes to argue with Alec. Jar Jar is accident prone.)
Kink: an eccentric idea or unusual sexual tastes
Mary Sue: A character, usually female, that is very stereotypical, and often has all the answers to all the problems in a storyline. A Mary Sue is also usually interested in, or paired romantically with, one of the other characters. The male version of a Mary Sue is often called a Gary Stu.
MPreg: normally in yaoi (see yaoi) when a male has the kid instead of a female.
OC: Original character. An original character of your own creation. (See fandom.)
OOC: Out of character. The way that a character's personality is portrayed doesn't match what fans have come to expect from that character. (Exs: Max is a polite and proper housewife. Jar Jar is smooth and debonair, with excellent grammar.)
One-Shot: A piece of writing, similar to a vignette, (see vignette) that is not connected to or intended to follow another story. The characters' thoughts are often less internally focused than a vignette however, and the tone less formal. Can be any genre. (See genre.)
OTP: One true pairing. A romantic pairing that a fan personally believes is the only true or acceptable romantic pairing in a fandom. Usually, but not necessarily, a pairing that is part of canon. (See canon.)
Plot Bunny: An idea for a story, or an element of a story.
POV: Point of view. The perspective a story is written from.
Ship: A particular romantic pairing. (Ex: Anakin/Padmé, Sam/Jessica.)
Shipper: Someone who likes, supports, or promotes a certain romantic pairing.
Shmoop: The fluffiest fluff. (See fluff)
Slash: Male/male or female/female romantic parings. Female/female parings are often referred to as Femslash.
Spoiler/Spoilers: Information, references, or events from certain episodes, books, or movies within a fandom that others may not know of, or wish to know of. Especially important for an ongoing series like a television show, since not every fan may have seen the most recent episode. (Ex: Ned dies in "Nice Knowin' Ya.")
Verse: Short for universe. The events, characters, and storyline surrounding a fandom or an AU series of fics. Often used in phrases like "movie 'verse," "comic 'verse," ect.
Yaoi/Yuri: same sex couples
The 100 Laws of Anime
The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good chuckle.
#1) Law of Metaphysical Irregularity - The normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2) Law of Differential Gravitation - Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.
#3) Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics - In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
#4) Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion - In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
#5) Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion - The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves; Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.
#6) Law of Temporal Variability - Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
#7) First Law of Temporal Mortality – “Good Guys” and “Bad Guys” both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.
#8) Second Law of Temporal Mortality - It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the “Bad Guys” are killed so quickly they don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
#9) Law of Dramatic Emphasis - Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).
#10) Law of Dramatic Multiplicity - Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a “Good Guy” kicks the “Bad Guy” in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.
#11) Law of Inherent Combustibility - Everything explodes. Everything.
#12) Law of Phlogistatic Emission - Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13) Law of Energetic Emission - There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.
#14) Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude - The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
#15) Law of Inexhaustibility - No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and/or unconscious.
#16) Laws of Inverse Accuracy - The accuracy of a “Good Guy” when operating any form of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the “Bad Guys” when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases (Also known as the Storm Trooper Effect).
#17) Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability - Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs to get out more.)
#18) Law of Hemoglobin Capacity - the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
#19) Law of Demonic Consistency - Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. Also, acid has been known to work just as well...
#20) Law of Militaristic Unreliability - Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
#21) Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...
#22) Law of Inconsequential Undetectability - People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
#23) Law of Juvenile Intellectuality - Children are smarter than adults. And almost twice as annoying...
#24) Law of Americanthromorphism - Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny “Bad Guy” or a big stupid “Good Guy”.
#25) Law of Mandibular Proportionality - The size of a person’s mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
#26) Law of Feline Mutation - Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
#27) Law of Conservation of Firepower - Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used as a last resort.
#28) Law of Technological User-Benevolence - The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
#29) Law of Melee Luminescence - Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for “Good Guys” and red for “Bad Guys”. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
#30) Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism - All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
#31) Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability - Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.
#32) Law of Follicular Permanence - Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!
#33) Law of Topological Aerodynamics - ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.
#34) Law of Probable Attire - Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.
#35) Law of Musical Omnipotence - Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more “simple things”, such examples would be like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.
#36) Law of Quintupular Agglutination - Also called “The Five-man Rule”, when “Good Guys” group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
#37) Law of Extradimensional Capacitance - All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".
#38) Law of Hydrostatic Emission - Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
#39) Law of Inverse Attraction - Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get and vice-versa.
#40) Law of Nasal Sanguination - When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get erections (no that occurs in H-manga sometimes), nope, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes mean smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds (though it’s very rare), but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
#41) Law of Xylolaceration - Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
#42) Law of Juvenile Omnipotence - Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
#43) Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia - There is no Law #43.
#44) Law of Nominative Clamovocation - The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).
#45) Law of Uninterruptable Metamorphosis - Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any “Bad Guys” witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it (unless they’re smart to try an action but then again such an action doesn’t exist much).
#46) Law of Flimsy Incognition - Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.
#47) Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission - All anime characters seem to have some unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.
#48) Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism - If you get electrocuted or burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later, your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
#49) Law of Female Wrath - If a male character insults a female character, he will get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor"). This is because he always deserves it, and will help him to cope in today’s society. (Sniff, Sniff)
#50) Law of Artistic Perversion - Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter). Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression...
#51) Law of Uninterruptable Nominative Clamovocation - This law is a mixture of Laws 44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any “Bad Guys” witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the “Dragon Slave Phenomenon”)
#52) Law of Telepathic Obliviousness - Most of the time, some Anime characters (usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC! The reasons for this are:
#53) Law of Chromatic Diversity - Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.
#54) Law of Old Man Comic Relief - Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise-mouthed dirty old man, alien, or the combination of any two of those traits.
#55) Law of the Wise Old Man - Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.
#56) Law of Omnipotent Unreliability - Any “Bad Guy” with Omnipotent powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the “Good Guy” until it is too late.
#57) Law of Minimum Corneal Volume - Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman...
#58) Law of Electrical Charges in Hair - Hair attracts electricity in abundance, resulting in two outcomes:
b) A negative charge will result in the hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.
#59) Law of Ammunition Accuracy - When there are multiple types of ammunition available (paintballs, speaker pods) non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate when compared to “standard” or “lethal” shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods)
#60) Law of Active Female Attraction - In a comedy series, a male character’s attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them. (Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto OVA have a seemingly endless supply of willing girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot couldn’t get a date despite or because of their constant attempts.)
#61) Law of Sweat Pore Variability - When a person is embarrassed, caught in an awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single drop could fill a Big Gulp from a 7-11 shop.
#62) The Law of Inverse Training Time - A person who has been training for 3 years is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.
#63) Law of Needs to Few and Many - The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few... of even the one.
#64) Law of Bad Humor - Whenever someone says something that is intended to be funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall. (The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)
#65) Law of Extreme Anger - Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the guy’s face so hard that it changes shape (see law #49).
#66) Law of Differentiated Gravitation - The following occur:
#67) Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension - In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does not happen, the “Bad Guy” inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will always be offset by an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.
#68) Law of Coercive Vehicular Control - No matter how complex or well defined the control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
#69) Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension - In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the “Bad Guy” usually come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension.
#70) Law of The Rushing Background Effect - Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in slow motion.
#71) Law of Interdimensional Hammers - Whenever a female character witnesses a male character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. (See Laws # 37, 49, and 65)
#72) Law of Instant Band-Aids - Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.
#73) Law of Universal Edge Defense - Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender (Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime).
#74) Law of Intractable Sanity - There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime characters will either:
#75) Law of Celestial Body Control - At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.
#76) Law of Aura of Forgetfulness - Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?
#77) Law of Cool Hair Factor - The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48)
#78) Law of Inverse Coping - Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST capable of dealing with it.
#79) Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability - The Myth that certain martial arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just doesn’t work in real life...
#80) Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics - If a captain of any type of ship is male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole (horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.
#81) Law of Shades/Coolness Factor - Shades can make you instantly cool, even if you’re normally a klutz.
#82) Law of Hentai Plot - The proper response to any change in the plotline of a Hentai anime is to start having sex.
#83) Law of Understatement - Anything that is deemed too impossible will become possible.
#84) Law of Dormant Powers - Anytime a hero is somehow out powered and/or outclassed by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could accomplish... but his old teacher did!
#85) Law of Style Coefficient - In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (See Laws #67, 69, and 84)
#86) Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor - Whenever the villain actually succeeds in beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won against the “Good Guy” because they’re EVIL! They usually get so cocky they tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack. Usually this results in:
#87) Law of Tableware Nonexistence - There IS no spoon.
#88) Law of Goofy Turn-Ons - In Hentai, ordinary pedestrian objects sometimes have the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water, rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.
#89) Law of Penile Variance - All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...
#90) Law of Hentai Female Characteristics - All Hentai women have the following characteristics:
#91) Law of Vaginal Variance - Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive vagina.
#92) Law of Hero Identification - All heroes are introduced by way of appearance while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them introducing themselves.
#93) Law of Cute Mascots - Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
#94) Law of The Force - Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.
#95) Law of Naughty Tentacles - All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")
#96) Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage begins to occur.
#97) Law of Healing - Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect")
#98) Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics - All ships, either waterborne or spaceborne, has the following crew members:
#99) Law of Sparkles - Whenever a character of the main character’s interest appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love. No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...
#100) Law of Anime Events - Much like the WWE (and other forms of Pro Wrestling), anything and everything can happen.
For the sake of making your profile longer, copy and paste this to your profile
ZODIAC SIGNS (Bold your Zodiac Sign) -
AQUARIUS - The Slut
PISCES - The Addict
LEO - The Cool One
CANCER - The Smart One.
ARIES- The Irresistible One
SAGITTARIUS-The One that Waits
TAURUS- The Aggressive One
LIBRA - The Partner for Life
CAPRICORN - The Cute One
SCORPIO - The Gorgeous One
VIRGO- The Promiscuous One
GEMINI - The Liar
Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.