I now have an AO3 account, ReturnOfTheNightmare! AO3 doesn't allow for spaces, apparently. :( If you see any fics of mine popping up over there, it's just me... if they're under that name, that is. No warnings necessary. Although if anyone else reposts anything of mine (why they'd do that, I have no idea), please do report them. My fics are shite, but they're still mine.

Hello there, fair people. You may call me ReturnOfTheNightmare - or if that's too long for your poor fingers, some abbreviation of it. Nightmare is the usual one, although I'm not against being called ROTN either. You may even call me Rotten, if that's what you wish.

I'm a 23 year-old of the female variety, and write as a hobby. Unfortunately, the stories don't usually hold my attention for long enough to complete them. That's why I rarely post fanfiction; I never seem to finish anything, and I'd rather not have too many more abandoned works cluttering up my page. Expect one-shots, if anything.

Around 2014 and 2015 I wrote Harry Potter fics, which were all a load of shit. A Chance To Live and Breaking Our Chains were the ones I flicked through and judged to be the shittiest, so I've deleted them. Sorry for the inconvenience. :)

I'd tell you what I write now, but it varies. Don't expect anything not listed under "Interests", "Fandom Alignment", or "Shipping" though, unless I haven't updated my profile in god-knows how long.

INTERESTS:

Video Games: Portal, Pokemon (mostly just the Mystery Dungeon series, although Ultra Sun was disturbingly good), Tomb Raider 1-5 (after that, it's just not the same - however, I do play the ones I own every so often), Saints Row (3 & 4, haven't finished 2 yet, can't play 1 because XBOX exclusive), Dragon Age (I don't have Inquisition yet, though), Zelda (I've played ALTTP, PH, ST, and ALBW), Skyrim, and Oblivion (haven't completed it yet, no spoilers please!).

TV Series: The New Statesman, Bottom, Fawlty Towers, Blackadder, Red Dwarf, The IT Crowd, Black Books, Father Ted, Doctor Who, Primeval

Music/Bands: Epica and Orden Ogan are my favourites. I like my music heavy, kickass, and epic.

Hobbies: Writing, reading, playing video games, daydreaming...

Concepts: Time-travel, amnesia, and immortality. I love these too much. They rarely make it into one-shots, but they make it into nearly every novel-length I've written... but I've never completed any of those, so you won't find them here. :P

FANDOM ALIGNMENT:

Note: I really can't be bothered with politics anymore, fandom or otherwise. It's always the same arguments being thrown back and forth all over again with no one actually caring for anything beyond winning. You can logically disprove someone's theory and they'll still refuse to admit they're wrong. They'll just rattle off the same old things until one of you gets bored and leaves. So... no thanks! You think 90s Lara was a slut? Good for you. Now fuck off.

Tomb Raider: 1-5, Classic Lara. Werner was the best mentor in the series, hands down. Fight me.

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Super is the epitome of perfection. Bonus points for Leafad.

Pokemon: Hoenn = best region. Fight me. I'll trumpet you to death. Okay, so Hoenn is tied with Alola now because holy shit was Ultra Sun cool. So now I'll trumpet and Skull-dance you to death. Simultaneously. IDK how, but we'll find out.

Skyrim: Proud Stormcloak. Thieves Guild, College of Winterhold. Refused to kill Paarthurnax, gave Delphine the finger. Married to Brynjolf in my first run (hooray for mods), then Argis the Bulwark in the ones after.

Dragon Age: Honestly, I don't even care about this series anymore. Buuut... Anders = best LI. I'd never even consider it IRL (he's just too obsessive over mage rights) but as a fiction he's great.

Doctor Who (2005): Series 1-4. Donna for best companion. Ten/Rose and Nine/Rose, with a playful tone. River can fuck right off. Jodie ain't a Doctor until she or Chibnall manage to portray her as the capable, powerful individual the Doctor has been in every previous incarnation I've seen.

Doctor Who (pre-2005): I've still watched very little of these ('cause it's expensive), but... Third Doctor and Jo Grant. Perfection.

Harry Potter: Snape deserves everything bashers do to him and more. You just don't bully your underage students. It's not just wrong, it's pathetic. Take your anger out on someone your own age.

Saints Row: Pierce deserves more love. He's a good guy.

Morganville Vampires: I haven't read these in years, but Clyrnin forever. Don't care about Shane.

SHIPPING:

Oooh, the dangerous world of shipping! For clarity, I've underlined crack-pairings (joke pairings). If nothing down here is underlined, then something must have messed with my formatting (or your device is a bit funky, who knows).

Generally though, I prefer platonic BFFs and parent-child relationships over romantic and/or sexual ones.

Tomb Raider: Pierre/Larson, Dr Willard/Nessie, Werner/Lara, Lara/Kurtis (but ONLY when it's one-sided on Kurtis' side)

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Hero/Partner (depending on how I headcanon my current Hero and Partner to be like)

Pokemon: N/F!Protagonist, May/Brendan, Pervs-On-The-Ferris-Wheel/M!Protagonist, Zinnia/Her Ego, Kukui/Burnet, Kukui/Kukui's Incineroar

Skyrim: Argis/Dragonborn, Brynjolf/Dragonborn (if it's done right)

Dragon Age: Anders/F!Hawke, Alistair/F!Warden

Doctor Who (2005): Ten/Rose, Nine/Rose, Eleve-- okay, any post-Time War Doctor/Rose. And sometimes even before. Happy? But not Jodie/Rose. See "Fandom Alignment" for that.

Doctor Who (pre-2005): Kandyman/Gilbert, Three/Jo (sort of, depends on how it's portrayed)

Harry Potter: Harry/Luna (better as crack, but can be sweet as a serious pairing too)

Saints Row: Honestly? Nothing. I ship nothing from this. I too am startled by this revelation.

Morganville Vampires: Myrnin/Claire. Actually, I stopped reading after the book where Myrnin kisses her, because it confirmed for me that the ship will literally never happen. On that note: Shane/Claire annoys me.

OTHER RANDOM FACTS:

*screaming unintelligibly at a Harry Potter or Doctor Who fic packed full of Americanisms*

*groaning and stifling the urge to die while scrolling past a million goddamn OC/Tenth Doctor fics*

*feeling like a fucking Gemini while reading a fic that's got an interesting premise and is really well-written, except all the characters have had their entire personalities erased for some reason*

*bashing various body parts against laptop at the discovery of yet another Skyrim fanfiction with a feeble Dragonborn who hates the Stormcloaks because "Ulfric's a racist"*

Regarding deleted stories

I prefer not to take the chicken's way out, which is why I haven't deleted all of my old fics, despite them being utter pigeon poo. The ones I did delete (A Chance To Live and Breaking Our Chains) were the two I decided were the absolute worst of the worst. I deleted them because at the end of the day, I'd rather not be associated with them. The same can be said of most old fics, but I drew the line at the worst two. You've got to keep something around to remind you that you suck, but not quite as much as you used to, you know?

So, yeah. If you liked those fics, I do apologise.

((Okay, so I also deleted a third one a while back too. Can't remember what it was called, just that it was super-angsty in a really crappy way. Sorry if you liked it (I remember there being positive reviews), but uh... I cringed while re-reading it. Violently.))

That being said...

You Killed My Family - Prepare For Hell

Wow. To think I last updated this fic in 2015 -- nearly five years ago now -- and I still regularly get emails saying someone's followed/favourited it. Don't get me wrong, I entertain no delusions of YKMF being popular. It's just seen far more traffic and popularity than I give it credit for. It isn't even a fic I'm particularly proud of to be honest. Though frankly, I'm not very proud of any of my fics, posted or not!

I'm going to be honest and say that it's rather unlikely that YKMF will receive any more updates. I keep meaning to finish the last chapter (I wrote one scene back in the day and then never went back to it), but my sense of humour has warped somewhat since then. I don't know if any efforts my current self could make would satisfy any of you who enjoyed YKMF. But I still want to try, even if I do have all the energy and willpower of a sloth. And that's in regards to mostly everything by the way, fanfiction-related or not.

Ugh, that wasn't the point of this section. My point is... I just want to say thanks to those of you who've gone into that 18k long, clearly long-since abandoned fic, read it through, and then followed/favourited it. I feel a little warmer every time I get emails notifying me of that. I doubt any of you will actually read this, because who even reads people's profiles, but I felt it warranted being said somewhere. If I ever manage to finish that sixth chapter, I'll post (a likely updated version of) this message there, too.

--ROTN, 02/Jan/2020

EDIT: I just realised, I actually updated YKMF last year! Mostly it was just grammar changes, but apparently I also added a few scenes here and there. The references to Harry's sexual abuse at the hands of Petunia were also removed entirely, because why was that even there in the first place? Seriously, it had zero impact on anything, and in my opinion it spoiled the silly atmosphere. The changes were done to existing chapters though, so I guess it doesn't show up in the summary? But anyway, if it's been a while since you last read it, take another peek. Things might have changed since you last went down the rabbit hole.

If you have managed to completely read this massive wall of text, the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center would like to congratulate you on your lack of a proper life, and reminds you that cake is only given out to test subjects who successfully finish the testing. If you feel your rights as a lazy, unwilling test subject have been neglected, feel free to write a complaint to one of our Aperture Science Enrichment Center Testing Associates at the conclusion of the test. Resulting intestines such as liver, pancreas, lungs, and brains spilled on the floor will be seen as no fault of the Enrichment Center, and your remains shall then be escorted to the room where all the robots scream at you, where you will be buried - unnamed, without a tombstone - for the rest of your unlife. The Enrichment Center would now like to remind you that due to your being a lazy, useless test subject, with nothing better to do than to read this massive wall of text, your slice of cake will be donated to the scientist who was faced with the misfortune of having your bowels splattered across his white coat, resulting in him having to buy another one, because Aperture Science has not yet invented a method of cleaning blood and stomach acid from white coats. If you decide to spare the poor scientist from this fate, you may still receive half of your slice of cake -- the half without the icing.

Again, the Enrichment Center would like to thank you for your unwilling participation in this 100% guaranteed fatal testing course of reading a massive wall of text that was written by an insane teenager, and later spell-checked by an insane, lazy adult with no life. If you have somehow reached this far without proving our statistic of 100% fatality correct, the unfortunate panel beneath you will be forced to push you into the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator to your left, so that our reputation of always being correct can continue. As of the eleventh of March, 2015, 100% of test subjects who spared Aperture Science Testing Associates of ruined white coats have been pushed into the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator to their left. As of the twenty-fourth of March, 2020, these results remain the same -- however, only 40% of test subjects seem to understand this message wholly, showing a disgraceful lack of education on their part. I am ashamed of you, and I'm not even your mother. Everyone who's anyone who also has a brain knows that Portal and Portal 2 were the best games ever, starring the best character ever. Should you disagree that GLaDOS is the best character ever, be prepared to dodge the oncoming rocket turret missile on your-- Oh, you were too slow. Nevermind. Thank you for proving our 100% fatality rate to be correct, and farewell.