Author has written 16 stories for Harry Potter, Lord of the Flies, and Pirates of the Caribbean.
Aikos Night-Patrol and I have teamed up to bring you...
THE EDITH FACTORY !
The author-duo sensation that's gripping the FanFiction nation!
(Hurry while stocks last!)
I, Mooncheese, do solemnly swear to review all the fics I enjoy, regardless of the number of reviews, its age, or anything else.
(I have joined the review revolution. Put the above sentence in your profile and spread the love!)
Good day. I'm Mooncheese. You may be wondering (but then again, you may not) just how and why I came to naming myself 'Mooncheese.' Well...it's a long and wildly fascinating story...so I won't tell you about it.
But, because I am a nice person and take pity on all you intensely curious people out there, I will give you a few select chosen facts about myself.
Age: 17 (mcHUZZAH to that!)
Hobbies: Singing (badly) writing (okishly) reading (anything and everything. Even the sides of cereal boxes. Although perhaps not porn), fanfiction, procrastinating heavily from doing important things such as Revising, and Doing My Homework, movie-watching, living entirely in my own head 90 of the time...
Occupation: Savvy Jack Numero Uno
Location: Outer London. Which sounds all very impressive but really isn't.
Now that you have been introduced to some extent to ME, you might be frowning puzzedly at the screen and wondering WHAT exactly is a 'Savvy Jack.'
Well, I'm going to tell you.
The SavvyJacks are an elite group of four who are united through bonds of friendship, humour and a very large obsession with the ultimate Savvy himself, Captain Jack Sparrow. We became the SavvyJacks after we went to see 'Dead Man's Chest' at the Odeon in Leicster Square, not knowing that this would be a film that would change our lives forever. We spent four wonderful days together roaming and exploring and getting hopelessly lost in London. Those were some damn good days.
We consist of four wonderful people, and we are...:
I both love and miss the SavvyJacks with all my heart, as the other three SJ's are situated in the wonderful countryside, wheras I am here. BUT! We are still, and always will be "Savvy as One." And no amount of distance can ever change that.
SJ's on fanfiction (and I strongly suggest you go check them out) are NancyintheskywithDiamonds and Aiko's-Night Patrol.
QUOTES FROM THE LONDON TRIP WITH THE SAVVYJACKS
(Many thanks to Nancy for putting the majority of these quotes into words when my memory failed me)
(SCENE: 3 - 4 am in the morning, much chuckling and loud talking from Nancy and Kelsey, sleeping from Katie and sighs from Sarah, who is trying in vain to fall asleep)
KELSEY: Oh my god yeah did you used to watch Old Bear?
NANCY: YEAH! That was so funny... (general dorkishness ...)
KELSEY: Did you see the one where Little Bear lost his trousers?
NANCY: No? What happened to them?
KELSEY: I think Rabbit used them to ice his cake!
(Nancy cracks up at this point, as a scenario like the below pops into her head:)
LITTLE BEAR: (Wakes up) (Looks to 'regular place' where trousers are kept) (Notices they are missing) (face contorts in rage) Where the HELL are my fucking trousers!
(Little Bear runs around, and this is particularly funny because he has abnormally long legs, and there is this huge tan line where his trousers should be, arms in the air)
(Little Bear enters Kitchen, sees Rabbit, confronts Rabbit)
LITTLE BEAR: What the HELL are you doing with my trousers?
RABBIT: Oh, sorry Little Bear, I didn't realise they were yours!
LITTLE BEAR: Who elses bloody trousers were they likely to be!
(Little Bear, in a fit of rage, launches himself at Rabbit's cake, bodyslamming into it and making a tiny indent in the middle)
RABBIT: Thank you little bear, it just needed that touch!
(Most of the above was comprised by the two of us as we lay in a helpless heap on the floor, laughing...but it makes better sense in one scenario)
SCENE: Around eleven o'clock at night, all four of us watching Brokeback Mountain, getting bored with all the grunting and silences from the cowboys and so filling in the incomprehensible sentences with what they're REALLY thinking...
(Opening scene to Brokeback Mountain)
(Cowboy gets out a ciggarette)
NARRATION: Damn, ah look sho good with this ciggarette! I hate smokin', but I jusht look sho damn good ah cain't help myself!
(Cowboy leans casually on truck)
NARRATION: Damn, I jusht look sho good with this here truck! I jusht wish there was a mirror to check mahself out in!
(Cowboy discovers wing mirror)
WHOEVER HEATH LEDGER PLAYED: Blahblahblahblahblahblahblah
TRANSLATION: Mah Gawd he is shexy. If only he'd look at me...
JACK TWIST: Blachsdfhdfgjdhjgdfhjfngdsnfgkjs
TRANSLATION: I hope these beans don't give me gas cos he's checking out ma be-hind.
(After the 'sexual incident' in Brokeback Mountain)
JACK TWIST: I ain't no queer.
SARAH: Omg - look at that cloud!
NANCY: Which one?
SARAH: That massive one. That is one shexy cloud...
KATIE: I do believe Sarah's getting quite turned on...
ME: (brushing hair on other side of room) Just another normal day with the SavvyJacks...
Shopping in Camden market. General chatting and walking around.
KELSEY: Oh my god, look at that bin! It's like a punk bin!
ALL: My god. What a bin.
(Stares at bin)
(Takes picture of bin)
SCENE: Late night, 4 - 5 am, Nancy and Kelsey sitting in Kitchen with a torch, huddled in duvets,specifically in the gap in the wall between kitchen and dining room with our backs to the sink and feet on chairs. We are observing the mater and pater of all spiders scuttle around the ceiling by aid of a dying torch while Katie and Sarah snoozing in living room.
NANCY: OMG! Get away from the spider you foolish fly!
(Spider pounces and engulfs fly)
BOTH: OMG BLEAUGH NO MURDER NO!
KELSEY: What shall we call the spider?
NANCY: I don't know... let's toss names at it til it moves!
(General name throwing)
NANCY: What about Legolas?
KELSEY: Hi Legolas!
KELSEY: So these are our duties: (shines torch) Legolas (spider), Romeo (snail), Juliet (snail), Florence (bug), Mr T (dead fly), Pigwigdeon (daredevil moth/fly) and porn movie (light in window next door).
NANCY: Why are we doing this?
KELSEY: I'm not sure. (Shines torch) Oh.
KELSEY: Legolas has moved.
NANCY: How will we escape if he tries to eat us?
KELSEY: Fall backwards and backflip over the sink.
NANCY: Good plan.
(Later, around 5am)
KELSEY: (Shines torch onto dining table) Ok, so that's a bag, and thats a hair straightner... (Shines torch on hair straightner bag) What the hell is that?
NANCY: I don't know. A baguette warmer?
NANCY: He's never going to move is he? (Looks at Legolas)
KELSEY: No. Do you think that book wants to shag that makeup bag?
NANCY: GOD yeah. (Goes and positions makeup bag and book)
BOTH: Ah, young love.
KELSEY: Let's look to the words of Marco Polo for advice!
NANCY: It's going to be about bloody horses, I know it.
KELSEY: (Reading) And so, taking the horses to Egypt...
SCENE: MIDNIGHT, OR MAYBE ONE IN THE MORNING
Much talking and chattage
ONE OF US: Look, it's raining.
ANOTHER ONE OF US: (I don't HOW this idea came about, or who suggested it, so the person will remain anonymous for now) Hey! Why don't we all go dancing in the garden in the rain?
REST OF SAVVYJACKS: Wow! What a great idea!
Much scrambling for shoes and coats, apart from Kelsey and possibly Nancy and/or Sarah and Katie (can't remember who had shoes and who didn't...or were we all barefoot?), who unwisely sneer at the idea of shoes and go running madly outside, barefoot
All stand holding hands in garden
KELSEY: Ready? Go!
ALL: (dancing and singing) La la la la - OH MY GODARAGHBLEEEEEAUGH!
(All fall apart and run shrieking back into house as almost everyone has just mashed a slug into the ground and now have slug innards in between their toes )
And there you have it. The SavvyJacks take on London.
My life is compromised of obsessions at the moment. If you take the time to read this exceptionally great profile, then you will discover the wonders of my obsessions, and the quotes I have borrowed...(cough) STOLEN (cough) from them.
At the moment, my list of 'People I'm Currently Obsessing About'consists of:
1) Johnny Depp. (Words cannot describe how much I love this man. If I ever met him I think I would actually explode.)
2) Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Carribean. (Put it this way - I have five posters of him alone decorating my bedroom walls.)
2) Sawyer from Lost (Bad boys all the way =D)
3) Lister from Red Dwarf (Craig Charles in his Red Dwarf days was, in my opinion, rather wonderful. I'm not quite so enthused by him now in Coronation Street, but he still has that lovely smile, so he still makes me happy when he appears on screen)
4) Sirius Black (Who will always, always, always be in my heart. -poignant moment-)
I often ponder to myself that my perfect boyfriend would be a combination of all of the above. A mixture of Lister and Jack's humour and defiance to the rules, Lister's smile combined with Jack's smile, Johnny's looks, Johnny's deep and intelligent personality, Johnny's voice, Johnny's hands, a touch of Sawyer's 'I hate everyone' attitude...bloody hell that would be one HOT person.
And I do believe that's about it. Well, now I've shared all this vitally important stuff with you, you can read some MORE vitally important stuff!
Quotes from my Kickarse Friends and Family. And some random Other Quotes from places.
1)"? did not walk like a normal person, he had more of a spastic bouncing jive." (A book we read in English. several years ago. Ah t'was a funny day)
2)"I'm me, no-one else has ever been me before, so I can't make any mistakes." (Vicki)
3)"What the hell was that? It sounded like a dead cat!" (Katie)
4) Burning passion (I love you!)... is put into perspective (I don't)
5) Even if you are on the right track you aren't going to get anywhere by just sitting there. Or eventually you'll get run over. By other people on the right track.
6) In order to die, you have to live a little first.
7) A friend would bail you out of jail. A best friend would be sitting right in the cell next to you saying: "That was bloody awesome!"
8) In an insane world, a sane man must appear... insane. (Aliens 3)
9)"Get away from her you BITCH!" (Aliens)
10) "Aren't y'all going to the Nirvana concert, it's on in two weeks, what y'all the sweaters and everything and you're not going?"
"Oh. My apologies!" (Some random american person who adressed us in the street. I get the feeling he was trying to wind us up but he failed, failed so miserably...)
11) "It's SO wrong! Its like a mouse humping a pumpkin!" (Vicki)
12) "So, what are you doing tomorrow?"
13) "No! Don't give up- always question EVERYTHING." (Damian.)
14) "Hey, lets go in here!"
15) "Is your brother hard?"
16) "I don't like Roundabouts. What's so great about going around in circles?" (Claire, after, well, getting off a roundabout)
17) Me: So what form does Harry's Patronus take?
Vicki: (Gets excited) Heh -spl - no, I mean -
Damian: (In a bored voice) Stag.
Vicki: God DAMN you!
18) "Kelsey, even though that wasn't a very nice thing to do, I still think he threw your book in the bin a 'shag me' kinda way." (The ever-tactful Katie)
19) Nancy: "God, I'm tired. I need some Red Bull. Apparently, it gives you wings." (this was after we stayed up til around four in the morning talking about Jim McGuffin...and if you don't know who he is, then you are almost as pathetic as he is. Which is very, very pathetic.)
20) (Me and Katie, in one of our long, long phone conversations)
Katie: What's that noise?
Me: What noise?
(I tap the phone)
Katie: THAT noise.
Me: Oh, THAT noise.
Katie: Yes, THAT noise. What is it?
21) (Me and Katie, in one of our long MSN conversations)
Me: We have to come to some agreement. Let's flip a coin.
Katie: OK. Do you have a coin?
Me: Ah, no. Do you?
Katie: I have a euro.
Me: That'll do.
Katie: It doesn't have a head...
Me: Well, just choose which side will be the head.
Katie: I can't.
Me: WHY NOT?
Katie: Because I just dropped it.
Me: (Palm smack)
22) (Me, Vicki, Damian and Daniel all in Pizza Hut, celebrating Damian's birthday.
Me: I'm very sorry I didn't get you a birthday present, Damian.
Waitress: Here's the bill!
Damian: (Looks it over) Damn, I still need 7p!
Me: YES! I can give you THAT as a birthday present! (scrambles excitedly in bag)
Daniel: (beats me to it) Here you go. (Hands over money)
Damian: (looks over money) But...this is 8p!
Daniel: (Smiles indulgently) Yes, you can have the penny because it's your birthday.
23) Carly: "Dinner is envoking me by wafting it's delicious fragrance up the staircase of my life."
24) Nancy (on MSN) : Mrs. brown. you have not lived until you have had mrs brown, geography extrodinaire.
Me:... Reread that!
Nancy: What? What did I do?
Me: Quote: "You have not lived until you have had Mrs Brown"
Nancy: OH GOD!
25) (SCENE: Me and Vicki, bored to the point of hysteria in a free study hour, have fished out a two year old 'Woman's Own' magazine from some drawer somewhere, and are doing the cross word with varied enthralled looks on our faces)
(Me, reading from a crossword) Ok, we need...5 down, a flightless bird. Five letters.
(Both frown puzzeldly at magazine)
(Me) Erm...penguin? No...Ostrich? No...
(Vicki) Oh - oh - I know - a llama!
(Both stare at each other)
(Me) (Melts into puddle of laughter)
26) "Lovely weather we're having. Let's go outside and have a fart." - (Found on a 'Russian diss's website me and Dante found. We both laughed until we cried.)
27) (New Years Party -, Vicki bursts party popper over her mums head)
(Vicki's mum) -covering head- SHIT, Victoria!
28) ME: Too cool for this school!
WAYNE: Too weird for this beard!
30) (Vicki steals Mark's hat) (Puts on said hat)
MARK: (to Miss) Miss, she stole my hat!
VICKI: Wow I look like such a grunger in this hat -
MISS: Take the hat off, Vicki.
VICKI: (enthusiastic Grunge-american voice) Hey Miss - let's go skate-boarding!
MISS: TAKE IT OFF!
31) (A typical arguement from Wayne and Louise...)
Louise: Aragh, why did you do that?!
Wayne: Because you smell.
Louise: What?! I can't believe you said that. Why did I spend all my bonus money on you?
Wayne: -brightly- Because I don't smell?
WAYNE: Hurry up, I want to use the computer.
ME: But you've been on it all day, dammit.
W: I have not.
ME: Well, you spend at least two thirds of your life on it anyway.
W: The fact that that's true is irrellevant.
KATIE: How do you live without a full length mirror in your room?
ME: ...I just use the one in my mum's room.
KATIE: But, what do you do if you want to look at yourself in the middle of the night?
A hysterical MSN convo I once had with Nancy, in which we both studied an old photograph of school teachers and decided on what they were really thinking. And making interesting observations on their appearance)
Bellatrix (SJ1) says:
the man dead centre at the top row
Bellatrix (SJ1) says:
he has a decidedly thick jaw
mr yorkshire man!
he looks like both a farmer, a butcher and a man that would offer you a cup of tea
Bellatrix (SJ1) says:
LOL the man to the right from Mikey looks like SHAKESPERE
ROLLS ACROSS THE FLOOR
Bellatrix (SJ1) says:
i just noticed a woman with a rectangular head
Bellatrix (SJ1) says:
beside dead-centre thick jaw top row man
i did the loudest chortle of all time then
Bellatrix (SJ1) says:
LOL AT LADY NEXT TO DREAMY
Bellatrix (SJ1) says:
she looks DEAD
if she had words
she looks like she'd be going 'urrrrrrr'
Bellatrix (SJ1) says:
That will most probably make no sense, but I did in fact laugh until I nearly died.
(Johnny Depp at his thank you speech for his 'Best Actor' award)
JD: Thank you so much, I'm just so touched -
PERSON IN AUDIENCE: Take it off!
JD: I will take it off!
AUDIENCE: -goes crazy-
JD: ...Later. For him. -points to beefy security guard-
SCENE: Sixth form assembly. Everyone quietly listening to Mr Cartwright, Head of Sixth Form, talking about University.
MR C: -reminiscent smile- God, I remember in my Uni days - I used to crawl out of bed, crawl to my lectures, then crawl to the pub and crawl back to bed again...
ME: -whispers to Vicki- Why, did walking go out of fashion?
BOTH OF US: -silently crack up as the below scenario comes into our heads...-
IMAGE: MR C: -crawling determindly along pavement in suit and tie, bag of books on back, getting stared at by everyone walking around him-
VICKI: -doubles over in not-quite-silent hysterics-
MR C: -concerned- Are you quite alright, Victoria?
SCENE: Year 11 christmas assembly. Everyone in hall quietly listening to our Head of Year speaking about the Nativity, while she has a slideshow displaying Christmassy scenes going on behind her.
HEAD: And then Mary and Joseph came to the Inn. And the Innkeeper, of course, said there was no room...
SLIDESHOW: -shows picture of crazy looking cartoon snowman-
ME: -whispers to Vicki- Is that the Innkeeper?
SNOWMAN: -grins crazily-
BOTH OF US: -repressed laughter-
(From the Camden Birthday trip)
ALL: -reading badges at a stall-
NANCY: -points to 'I love Drugs!' badge- I might get that one for Sarah.
KELSEY: -looks at wrong badge- Why?! Does she love pussy?
(The badge I saw said 'I heart Pussy!' on it XD)
(An idle arguement between me and Wayne)
ME: Bla bla...
W: Shut up.
ME: No - YOU shut up! Maha! Comeback Queen strikes AGAIN!
W: Shut up! Ah - Another brave battle fought by the Last Word Warrior!
WAYNE: Put on the Cillet Bang rap!
W: -horror- But...but look what it did to the penny test!
(Some time later)
W: Well? Don't you want to see what it did to the penny test?
"The Bible says, 'judge not, lest ye be judged.' Since I am willing to be judged, I say, 'Judge on, O Mickster'
- Mickey Cohen (L.A Confidential, James Ellroy)
Pirates of the Carribean Quotes
Gillette: This ship cannot be commandeered by two men alone. (looks smug) You'll never make it out of Port Royal.
Jack: Son...(holds up gun) I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. (unclicks safety catch) Savvy?
Guard: Oy! You! Get away from there! You don't have permission to be aboard there, mate!
Jack: (apologetically takes his hands from ship wheel) I'm sorry, it's such a pretty boat - er... ship.
Jack: (in the middle of fighting with Will) Who makes all these? (looks pointedly at swords)
Will: I do! (dodges blow from sword) And I practise with them - (strikes at Jack) - three hours a day!
Jack: (peering around wooden beam and looking supremely sexy) You need to get yourself a girl, mate...
Will: Jack! Where's Elizabeth?
Jack: She's safe. Just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised, and you're going to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really. (Pauses) Except for Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman.
Jack: (To Norrington) I was rooting for you, mate. (Looks sincere) Remember that. (Turns to walk away, then looks back.) Elizabeth? It would never have worked between us, darling. I'm sorry. (Turns away, looks back again) Will? (Will looks at him) Er...nice hat.
Pirate: (Holding axe near Will's throat) Say goodbye!
(Signs falls down and flattens pirate)
Quotes from PotC 2
Jack: You look bloody awful, what are you doung here?
Norrington: You hired me, I can't help it if your standards are lax.
Jack: (glaring at him) You smell funny.
Jack, talking to the Natives who hold him captive: Ooga booga...ah, incy wincy...shooma looma, rabba dabba...savvy?
Will: With this dagger I take a promise. I will not rest until I drive this blade into the black heart of Davy Jones!
(Me, Katie, Nancy and Sarah in the cinema) (Palm smack)Oh, God...
Will: I've doomed us all!
(Me, Katie, Nancy and Sarah in the cinema) Oh, GOD...
"Pirate," Jack complimented her.
"Pirate," said Jack, with admiration.
Tia Something-Or-Other: Are you willing to travel to the end of the eart' for Jack Sparrow?
Other Pirate: Aye!
Me, Katie, Nancy, Sarah: (tearfully) Aye!
Me: (Palm smack) No, it's AYE, not YES, you simpleton!
Elizabeth: -sits on steps looking meloncholy-
Jack: -sits beside her- My tremendous intuitive understanding of the female creature leads me to belive that you are troubled.
Elizabeth: I just thought I would have been married by now.
-bottom lip trembles-
Liz: I was so ready to be married.
Jack: -offers rum-
Red Dwarf Quotes (Red Dwarf is another one of my obsessions. I can't help it. Stop looking at me like that.)
18) (After the Cat gets shot through the head in a virtual reality) "Are you alright?" Rimmer asked. The Cat turned his face to Rimmer's and looked at him incredulously. "I've been better," he said. "I have a hole clean through the centre of my head, but on the bright side, I now have somewhere to keep a pool cue if both my hands are full." (Backwards, by the legendary genius Rob Grant)
19) "Why do you want to join the Space Corps?"
Lister thought for a moment. "I want," he said, "to visit strange new worlds, to seek out new life, and new civilizations. To boldly go where no-one has gone before." (Red Dwarf -Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers by Grant Naylor...and if you didn't understand that, then you are very, very deprived.)
20) Lister: "Alright, guys. We're in the middle of space, god knows how many millions of light years away from anywhere, so can someone tell me where the smeg we got this traffic cone?"
The Cat: Grinning It's not a good night if you don't end up with a traffic cone...(Imagine waking up next a traffic cone...actually, I don't wanna)
21) He shrugged, sighed, raised his spurred boot and kicked through the door. A huge shard of wood slashed a gully of flesh six inches up his shin. He stared down at the wound in astonished disbelief, then he launched into the babbled litanyof expletives he reserved exclusively for cursing his own clumsiness. "Stupid smegging farty stupid shitty shit shit smeg fart poo shit..." (This sounds much like me whenever I do something stupid...which is pretty much all the time.)
22) (Krissie walks in)
(Lister sees her) (Drops plate)
KRISSIE: Lister, why didn't you tell me you liked me while I was still alive?
LISTER: (babbling) Because - ah - because I'm stupid, crazy, stupid...
KRISSIE: I wouldn't have gone out with you anyway, though. I just don't like you.
KRISSIE: So there's not a lot of point in you taking that exam now, is there?
LISTER: There's not a lot of point in me breathing in and out now, if you really want to know.
23) SCENE: All of the Dwarf crew are sitting around, highly drunk, celebrating Kryten's birthday.
RIMMER: (says something about his mum)
KRYTEN: (sadly) ...Mum. I never had a Mum.
LISTER: (meloncholy) Me too.
HOLLY: (even more sadly) I didn't have a Mum either.
RIMMER: Well, you can ALL have mine! Everyone else did.
Quotes from Lost (Yes, you betcha baby, it's a another one of my obsessions. Which rock, frankly.)
Michael: (whilt floating on a raft, shouting at Swayer, who is flating on a seperate raft) I hate you! This is all your fault!
Sawyer: (sneers) Oh, what are you gonna do? Splash me?
Michael: (Splashes him.)
Sawyer: (is splashed)
(Charlie playing guiter on the beach)
(Mr Eko) (Runs up) CHARLIE! Have you heard the explosion!
(Charlie) No, but if you hum it I could probably play it...
(Sawyer tries on glasses. Looks at Hurley.)
Hurley: Dude. Looks like someone steam rolled Harry Potter.
(Sawyer and Kate playing a drinking game called 'I Never.')
Sawyer: Uh...I never been to Disneyland.
(Kate raises eyebrows)
Sawyer: Oh - that's just sad!
(Sawyer massaging head due to a pounding headache)
(Kate) Right. Come on. You're going to see Jack.
(Sawyer) (snarling) Oh, do I get a wollypop?
(Jack) (angry) Stand up.
(Sawyer) Why, you wanna see who's taller?
(Ana-Lucia) How 'bout you gimme that gun?
(Sawyer) How 'bout I gimme you nothing?
(Kate) I can't work in this dress!
(Nasty Other Man) Well, fine. You can work naked then.
(Kate) -turns to Sawyer angrily, looking for back-up-
(Sawyer) -looks her up and down- -grins-
(Kate) -raises eyebrows-
(Sawyer) -turns to Man- How dare you.
Ah, after all that quoting shizz, I feel like doing a bit of fanfiction analysis... :D Goody!
Pairings I Ship:
1) HP - Lily and James.
2) Ron and Hermione (waves 'RHR FOREVER' flag enthusiastically)
3) Sirius and Me (look, it cannot be denied we're meant to be together, savvy?)
4) POTC - Jack and Elizabeth. (Holds 'SPARRABETH PRIDE' banner high)
5) LOST - Sawyer/ Kate
Ah, there will be more to come. In time. I'm always adding things to my profile, so if you were wise, you would come back from time to time and check, savvy?
And read the stories. Always read the stories.
Much love and stuff xxx xxx xxx xxx