Author has written 123 stories for Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Buffy X-overs, Angel, Harry Potter, Mummy, Lion King, Charmed, Dragon Ball Z, House, M.D., Supernatural, Twilight, Ender's Game series, Dexter, Death Note, Firefly, Chronicles of Narnia, Naruto, Darkest Hour, Avatar: Last Airbender, Sherlock, Stargate: SG-1, Highlander, CSI, Grindhouse, and Reba.
Okay, to clear things up, I am an all-american girlwho has no background in any languages, save for Spanish. And may I say that somehow, every spanish class I end up in sucks!
Where was I..oh yeah. I don't mean to offend anybody in any of my little bits of mused-up writing.
Favorite Color: Red, then purple, then blue, then black.
Favorite Foods: Cheescake, Pepperoni pizza, Strawberries, Chocolate, Original pringles, etc. (not in any order)
Favorite Pairings: Buffy/Angel, ChrisHalliwell/BiancaPerry, SamWinchester/JessMoore, House/Cuddy, Harry/Hermione/Ron menage troi, Harry/Ginny, Harry/otherFemale, River/Jayne, Ayla/Jondalar, Gohan/Videl, Alice/Carlos (ResEvil), AnitaBlake/Richard, Wolverine/Mystique, etc..
Favorite Number: 39
URL=http/www.marapets.com/refer.php?id=Goddessa39IMGhttp/www.marapets.com/button2.php/IMG/URL url=http/www.marapets.comVirtual Pets/url url=http/www.marapets.com/arcade.phpGames/url
Pairings I like: Btvs:-Buffy/Angel -My original ship and still reigning favorite for anything.
Pairings I hate: BTVS:
I do not always like Angelus unless he is not seperate from Angel, for instance, at She Comes to Me , the fic "Scars on My Soul" is a goodie.
Pairings I do like: Harry Potter
Pairings I do not like: Harry Potter
Pairings I do like: Charmed
Pairings I don't like: Charmed
Other Cannons and beloved pairings:
Earth's Children Series
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Quotes (and other stuff) That I Love:
"No one insults the turtle!" -Bender, Futurama
"Never argue with a woman. They're always right..." -James Bond
In all those years no one ever mattered, not like she did. And now she's gone. Forever. -Angel, the ensouled vampire (BA Always!)
"The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised." - Zapp Brannigan
Why House Became a Doctor: "When I was 14 my father was stationed in Japan. I went rock climbing with this kid from school. He fell, got injured and I had to bring him to the hospital. We came in through the wrong entrance and passed this guy in the hall. It was a janitor. My friend came down with an infection and the doctors didn't know what to do. So they brought in the janitor. He was a doctor. And a Buraku. One of Japan's untouchables. His ancestors had been slaughterers, grave diggers. And this guy, he knew that he wasn't accepted by the staff, he didn't even try. He didn't dress well. He didn't pretend to be one of them. The people that ran that place, they didn't think that he had anything they wanted. Except when they needed him. Because he was right. Which meant that nothing else mattered. And they had to listen to him."
Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.
A good friend will comfort you when he breaks up with you. A BEST friend will call him, whispering "Seven days..."
A good friend will bail you out of jail, a great friend will be sitting next to you in your cell saying "We fucked up, huh?"
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration! (no offense meant to illegal immigrants)
"Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some."- Alfred Hitchcock
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the 'up' button." --Sam Levenson
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” - Unknown
When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape
Disclaimer: As badly as she's mangled them, the HP characters still belong to Rowling. Somebody call Child Protective Services, quick! -Perfect Lionheart
Murphy's Military Laws:
"Some people say that I must be a terrible person, but it’s not true. I have the heart of a young boy in a jar on my desk"-Stephen King
"Those of you in the cheaper seats clap your hands, those of you in the more expensive ones rattle your jewelry." - John Lennon
"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to." - Elvis Presley
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." - Dean Martin
"Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." - R. Kennedy
"Woman are meant to be loved, not to be understood".--Oscar Wilde
Hangover: The wrath of grapes.
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.
Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
They say that two interlaced phone books cannot be seperated. Well whoever "They" is must not have had two army force tanks laying around... Fact> It takes 8,000 lbs to seperate to normal interlaced phonebooks. That's more than if you hung two cars from the phonebooks.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster!
I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?
"Whoever said time heals all wounds died young." -Anonymous
“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds’. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” - Rose Kennedy
Fic Quotes that I love:
""Oh God," groaned Harry, covering his eyes. "Somebody call Voldemort. Tell him I surrender."" - Divergent Pathsby Ruskbyte
"he sprang to life, beating the living shit out of one Gilderoy Lockhart" Front_Page_of_the_Prophet ShadeDancer's Heir of Blood.
"Just thought you might want to know, Professor; this isn't a school, it's a lunatic asylum," Harry told the professor before stepping outside. "And the inmates are in charge." Backwards Compatible: Coming Back Home.
"'No, we chose correctly. Chris was given a much greater task.' 'Which is?' Fate raised one arched eyebrow and shot him a pointed look. 'Keeping you in line.'quot; -Death and Wyatt in teal-lover's Unplanned Changes
"Phoebe said numbly then took a sharp breath, 'Are you saying that.. that your.. my son?' she asked shocked. He shook his head, 'No, no, of course not.. she sighed, her heart resumed its normal beating. '.I’m her son.' he said after a moment, looking at Piper." -Phoebe, Piper and Chris in Emma15's The_Son
“Infamy!” Malcom cried. “Infamy, they’ve all got it in for me!” -Jeconais' White Knight, Grey Queen
It is widely known that the Potters and the Malfoys absolutely hate each others guts. This had been going on for quiet sometime, and no one is sure why they still hate each other. Only to say that the score is now Malfoys: 13 Potters: 97... “Meet that arrogant little SOB at Diagon Alley,” Harry calmly replied. “We had a frank exchange of insults.”... When a Potter dies, their body, assuming there is one, is unceremoniously dumped naked into a hole in the garden. The Potters also never refer to their dead relatives as “dead.” -Feneris's Black_and_Twilight
"Various people had been trying to get him to take a large place for awhile now. After the hospitalizations involved in Bianca’s last attempt at cooking he finally agreed. Well, he never really like those neighbours anyways. And that poodle, poor bastard never saw it coming…" - JMD-009's A Child Will Lead Them
“Zoe and Wash got rules, you two got rules as well. First rule: No kissy kissy fei-oo in public. I don’t give a good gorram if you’re alone but I don’t wanna see it. Rule number two: No sex.” - KinkerBelle's Strip: Ch.4 Triple
Harry looked up, still slightly bleary-eyed, to see Hermione smiling warmly at him. “Is it? I disagree. I have far too much blood in my caffeine stream.” -Seel'vor's Harry Potter and the BoyWhoLived
Remus subtly poked Sirius and pointed over to Harry. Padfoot saw how still Harry was and looked at Remus curiously. Remus was whispering out of the corner of his mouth. “I’m pretty sure he’s petrified his own face. Lucky bugger. Now Padfoot, don’t say a word. I really think she may kill one of us before this is over.” “I hope she kills Harry,” Sirius whispered out of the corner of his own unmoving mouth. Remus’ eyes widened. Sirius continued, “Oh come on. He’d probably come back anyway.” -nonjon's Chapter 5 of "You Did What!"
"Tom-ay-to, tom-ah-to. One time, we were learning about the word 'oxymoron.' The example the teacher gave was 'awfully good,' and proceeded to get every student in the class to give an oxymoron; every one of them were nearly identical to hers, being an adverb/adjective combination. It was really bugging me, so for my example I gave 'common sense.' She sent me out of the class while trying desperately not to smile." Hermione was chuckling. "So how was Divination? Can you tell me the answers to the next transfiguration exam?" -Darthbill's The Power: Chapter 18
Hermione smiled wanly at her. “It's a personal location and condition monitor charm that Harry built into our wedding bands. With it, I can tell roughly where he is and his condition. Normally the numbers should be green. The colors change to represent his physical condition. Green means he's healthy, yellow is injured, red is badly injured and black.. Well, Harry once told me the colors meant 'breathing', 'coughing', 'barely breathing' and 'dig a hole'. -Bobmin's Wizards_Fall_The_Truth_is_Out_There
Of course, given Videl’s track record, even the happily-ever-after part of the story could hardly have come down to a simple walk off into the sunset – not when it involved settling down with a super-powered alien who treated death like a revolving door. Fortunately, ‘girl calmly, happily marries high-school sweetheart’ was a story not even Mr Satan’s daughter could turn into a media event, and between her father’s (now incredibly ironic) requirement that she not date anyone who couldn’t defeat him and Chi-Chi’s… er, old-fashioned awareness of money matters, their respective children’s change in status went down with remarkably few explosions.
Obviously he wasn’t dead. I could hear Dad, typing at the keyboard, a busy sound that I’d heard all my life. Slowly, I slid down until I was crouched in front of the door with my forehead pressed against the wood. I was being ridiculous. I could hear him typing. If I tried, I could sense the steady calm ebb of his energy. He was right there, perfectly fine, right on the other side of the door. I was still arguing with myself when the door opened and I nearly fell into the room. Dad gazed down at me in surprise and then concern. “Goten?” I just blinked at him, wondering how undignified it would be if I were to ask for a hug. He crouched down, brushing hair away from my face. “Goten, what’s wrong?” To Hell with dignity. I threw myself into Dad’s arms and burst into tears.
When he was six, Sam told Dean that he was going to marry a beautiful girl with long yellow hair when he was twenty-three..I just know, okay?” Sam said. “She’s gonna be smart, and funny. Her eyes will be green. She’s gonna kiss me on the forehead like Dad does when he puts me to bed, and her favorite color will be blue. We’re gonna get married and live happily ever after. But I know it’ll be her.” -Sorrel's Twenty Three
“Hermione, trust Harry. If anyone can unfuck the world, it’s him.” -Susin ..Fleur, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. Can we, I don’t know, talk for a while?” Clell65619's Harry Potter and Merlin's Reaper
She was, James Potter decided, the most annoying girl he’d ever had the misfortune of running across. She was also, he could tell, the girl he’d be forced into marrying some day. “How d’you reckon that?” Sirius Black – the bloke he’d sat next to on the train, and also his new best friend (really, you can’t have a sense of humor so perfectly matched with somebody and not know that its destiny) – asked, running a hand through his hair. James shrugged. “Buggered why I’m going to get stuck with her,” he grumbled. “But it’s ’cause she has red hair. All the blokes in my family marry dames with red hair. Something about Potters and redheads, I guess.” -dress-without-sleeves's Potters and Redheads
Professor Vector pulled out her wand, and prepared to try and end her colleagues dance act. “Don’t,” Madam Pomfrey pleaded, moving her hand to block the wands path. “I’ve been wanting to see Sev’s legs for years - this is my chance.” Vector blinked. Repeatedly. “Sev? Sev’s legs?” The school nurse blushed. -Jeconais's Chances : What_Have_I_Got_To_Do_To_Make_You_Love_Me
His brother – his reticent, earnest brother who usually avoids the whole bar scene as though it’s a rare and terrible disease – is holding court, literally presiding, while the crowd looks on as though he’s the most interesting creature on the planet. -mute90's But_You_Should_See_the_Other_Guy
"And this is a cow," Remus read from the big book of farm animals. "Do you know what sound a cow makes?" "Not really," Harry replied. "I grew up in an area that had a shortage of cows." "Uh . . . I think you're supposed to say moo?" Remus said uncertainly. "I'm not too sure though, I haven't spent too much time around kids your age." "Why don't we just play poker or something," Harry suggested. - Time meant nothing, never would again
“Harry,” a dripping Ron yelled as he walked into the common room. “Why didn't you rescue me.” “Man code,” Neville said simply. “M . . .” Ron's eyes crossed. “Section sixty nine?”-Rorshach's Blots' Odd_Idea: Bunch o Omakes: SecondTask
A.K. saw the second tray of cheesecake brownies coming out of the oven. “Nice to see you’re putting that gift to good use.” Luna came in tying her robe around her waist. “It’s like watching a porno we’ve yet to make.” -nonjon's Dimension Hopping for Beginners
“Ghost! What are you doing?” she asks between gasping breathes. “Catching me,” Destiny seems to be repeating someone’s words as her feet get lowered carefully to the ground allowing her to stand on her own two feet. Lily blinks in stunned shock as she watches this scene unfold, her mind having already come to a complete stop. Therefore when Destiny proceeds to throw herself at the thin air before her and wrapping her arms around something Lily now realizes is real and that she and the others just can’t see, her thoughts are interrupted by Destiny as she proclaims with a giggle, “I love you Ghost.” -JadeLMSkywalker's Destinys Ghost
“Ask Harry some time,” Ron says. “Ask him what he wants to be when he grows up,” Ron instructs, voice sharp and bitter. “He won’t understand what you mean.” - Miss Laine's Promises
“Now I realise that you didn’t exactly have a normal upbringing so if you’d like me to start with the basics then that’s fine,” Arthur prompted gently. “No… I… uh, how did you know it was me that sent you that owl?” Harry managed to stammer. “Your owl is very distinct,” Arthur explained. “I’d suggest using a school owl if you don’t want it to be traced back to you.” “We did use a school owl,” Harry replied quickly. “Hmmm, guess that explains all the blood,” Arthur muttered. “None the less it was Hedwig that delivered the magazine.” -Rorschach's Blot's Larceny, Lechery, and Luna Lovegood
F&B: Which I guess is a fair enough way of defining courage: being able to keep the shakes suppressed long enough to get things done..Harry, who was really well-liked by everyone – I had never heard a bad word about her, even from Slytherins – and the smile instantly disappeared from Harry’s face and he said – in a very firm, ‘no-kidding around’ voice – “She wore that button in fourth year.” “‘Pampered prince’, you said. How lucky I was to have you give me to the Dursleys so I wouldn’t be a ‘pampered prince.’ You threw me in the desert for fifteen years and when I came out all parched and blistered you congratulated yourself on keeping me from drowning.” -Ajarntham's The Flourish and Blott's Hour -- Transcript
Then Eppy turned on her master and began tapping a military combat covered foot on the floor. “Is this … elf,” Eppy said with distaste, “really belonging to you?” Sighing Harry looked at her and told her the truth. “Yes, I’m afraid it is Eppy. I’m sorry, I completely forgot about him. I had hoped that I would never see him again.” Dobby and Eppy looked at each other and together said, “We’s is agreeing with that.” -Fangalla Marie and Eppy the House Elf's Harry Potter and the Azkaban Parody
"Madame Bones has cordoned off the area and she sent me to get you," Kingsley said breathlessly. "She asked you to hurry because the ghost is using bad language that she doesn't want the new Aurors to hear." -Rorschach's Blot's Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
When he found himself in front of the staff table, Harry lowered his hood. “Great Merlin!” swore Horace Slughorn. Harry turned to him. “Yes?” he asked politely. -Louis IX's Voldemort's_Last_Spell
"Ok," Harry nodded. "Will you teach me how to groin stomp?" "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about," McGonagall shook her head. "Come with me." "But the guys said that you groin stomped several people." Harry protested, "and they said that it was done with more skill than anyone had ever seen before." "They said that?" McGonagall smiled. "Yes," Harry nodded. "So will you teach me?" "Maybe when you're older," Minerva broke down. "But I wanna learn now" "And you'll never learn with that attitude," she patted him on the head. "Let all things come in their proper time." "Ok," Harry replied grudgingly. "First you take away my human ear necklace and now you won't teach me how to groin stomp." -Rorschach's Blot's Let's Do The Timewarp Again
Harry grinned and followed his oldest friend onto the ship, "Hermione, if there's anything Hogwarts has taught me it's that Murphy was an optimist." -part of a Caer Azkaban Digest fic piece Odd_Ideas
“Is that Marianne?” Cameron said, looking like she wanted to take the girl straight from his arms but knew better. “She just ate.” House said. “Jack will be hungry when he wakes up and they are both shit machines so don’t be squeamish about the diaper changing. They’ll sleep, mostly, and if Cuddy calls every twenty seconds, I want you to act like you love it. If you screw up, I’ll kill each of you slowly and painfully. Got it?” -missparker85's The Thing Between Us
"I'm fine. He didn't even graze me," he says. "Statistically--quot; "Charlie," Don interrupts. "Don't." "I'm just saying," Charlie says. "Statistically we're both already dead." Don doesn't know why that had to be the thing they'd finally have in common. -Nixa_Jane's In His Head
“We're fine. There's just one thing you could do for us.” He tries to look authoritative but fails miserably. Megan raises a curious eyebrow and Don points the hand not currently shielding his ribs towards the cell phone. “Answer Charlie's phone. Talk to our father.” Megan was speechless. “What?” She asked after a moment. Charlie smiled. “Please. We can't reach the phone and you're probably calmer..We could use calm when explaining this to him.” Megan raised an eyebrow. "You're willing to stand beside a bomb but you won't talk to your father?" She asks Don, a split-second later realizing how it must have sounded to Charlie. She wonders when she allowed herself to be insensitive to others feelings but brushes it off as adrenaline. Don nods. "To be honest, our father's scarier." -SnowySleigh's For Granted
Sometimes I wonder if the Statute of Secrecy isn’t maintained more to prevent the Ministry from being scrutinized too closely by the Muggle governments. By Muggle standards, I’m afraid the Wizarding world would be considered hopelessly backward and barbaric.” Rita’s eyes were bulging now, though Harry couldn’t blame her. She’d just watched the Boy Who Lived declare war on half of the Wizarding world. -S'TarKan Harry Potter and the Nightmares of Futures Past
Harry looked back at Lacey and could tell there was no doubt Tracey, Stacey, and Lacey were identical triplets. He turned back and scolded his godfather, “Why did you pick up two girls who looked just like Lacey?” Sirius was about to defend himself before he fully realized the situation. He started to chuckle victoriously. “I got two, you got one. I win.” Stacey and Tracey were just staring at their sister incredulously. Stacey broke the silence declaring, “But Lacey, you… you’re a lesbian!” Harry felt the young woman inch closer to him for safety. Tracey scoffed as incredulous as her sister. “And you’re a virgin!” Lacey was blushing as she tried to hide behind Harry, just barely peering over his shoulder. She softly admitted, “A day ago, both of those would have been true.” Harry tried to fight it but his eyes were twinkling. “Fine,” Sirius sighed and admitted, “You win.” -nonjon's A Black Comedy
...“But, I don’t want to talk about that.” At this point, Seamus sneezed something that sounded suspiciously like ‘bullshite.’ Lockhart didn’t miss a beat. “Bless you,” he nodded towards Seamus before continuing, “I didn’t get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!” He paused for them to laugh, which several people did; namely Harry’s friends – excluding Hermione – but not at the professor’s lame joke, merely at Seamus’ unnoticed insult to the man. ... Snape let out a long, slow breath. “Merlin, Brewer. Do you go looking for trouble?” Harry snickered, “Don’t hafta, sir. He has my floo address.”-aramie.greyson's Raising Harry storyline
Before Dylan could reply, Tristan continued on in one of his occasional, curious ramblings, saying, “Ya know, in a way it’s a good thing that all the great artists that made paintings of the Second War in Heaven are dead. They’d probably be kinda disappointed to find out that they actually should’ve painted a bunch of teenagers and 20-somethings in blue jeans protecting a group of semi-retired losers in beige polyester from an army of rage-aholics who just robbed an Abercrombie & Fitch store during their ‘Black Clothing’ promotion.” When he discovered that everyone was staring at him, Tristan snapped out of his trance. “Sorry! Was that out loud?” -Alwyn Elderberry's The_Brothers_Halliwell
Ginny saw in horror as colors and pictures moved along and clutched Harry’s hand for support. When it was over, she turned to Harry with tears and leaning forward kissed his cheek. “I knew I would marry the boy-who-lived someday.” ... I have no excuse for my actions except being blinded by the prejudice of others and the pressures of being the boy-who-lived’s mother.” Lily met the younger girl’s eyes and was shocked to find her look in pity mixed with growing fury. “You really don’t understand,” Ginny smiled ruefully, getting up. “Someday you will, and I hope then you are able to forgive yourself.” With that she picked up her broom and leapt off the ground. At that moment Harry returned with the cookies, gazing at Ginny jump off the ground. He sat next to his mother without any questions and leaned next to her. “I forgive you but I’m not sure if she ever will.” Minstrel Knights's - Mage_and_Warrior
“I don’t suppose you care to help out an old teacher?”“I think any debts I might have owed you ended when you tried to kill me, yeah?”The room fell silent. He’d asked the question. The denial hadn’t been unexpected from this particular Harry Potter. A smarter Harry than he’d expected, more talented than he’d guessed.“How far have you progressed?”“I’m stumped on finding my animagus forms so far, but at least I’m sure there’s more than one. The rest is coming along nicely. I’ve started working on a wandless levitation charm. Perhaps a few more weeks for that…”“It’s remarkable progress. You’ll be able to take over for Blackheart in a few years if you keep it up…”“Blackheart. I’ve never heard of your alter ego before.”“Best to keep things exclusive, I think. Only the people with the money and the need for my services should ever hear of Blackheart.”“Do a lot of metamorphs end up in your line of work?”He nodded. “Some for governments, some independently. Even the ones in law enforcement sometimes moonlight. It’s too good an opportunity…”“I’ll pass.”“Before I let the Aurors in, would you care to really tell me why you trained me? You could have fed me lies instead of things that worked…”Blackheart smiled for the last time. The boy really was smarter than he’d known.“The most powerful magics are never committed to the page, Harry; they’re always taught from one to another; that’s why so much of the best magic is lost and rarely rediscovered.” -DisobedienceWriter's HP and the Irish Choice
“It's no wonder he looks so tired and thin when he gets to Hogwarts,” Tonks continued in an awestruck voice, “he's doing every girl within two hours walking of his house . . . half their mothers too. Never thought I'd see one boy service and satisfy twelve women. Not only did Harry do it, he wore them all out and made three 'rest' stops on the way back to his room at the Dursley house.” -Rorschachs Blot's Loophole and Afairs omake
Snape, it can safely be assumed, despised children. Most teachers do, but Snape had elevated it to a state well beyond normal boundaries. With his rather unique training in certain areas of magic and absolutely nil instruction in the area of teaching, Snape was to education what Voldemort was to life insurance. It had been eight years since the last official complaint against him, which said much for his campaign of intimidation. -'s A_Mistaken_Sorting
Harry was rather quiet as he ate the ice cream Hagrid had brought him (chocolate and raspberry with chopped nuts).“Yum,” Sirius said. A bowl of ice-cream appeared in front of him. He dug in, and the way he ate made Ron look like he’d been to finishing school. -Know-It-All-Bookworm's What_To_Do
“Freed,” Buffy said, lifting her arms. The correctional cuffs peeked out from underneath the end of her sleeves. “I’m free?” With a kind smile, Qui-Gon nodded. “Yes. You are.” Buffy blinked once more, then launched herself at the Jedi, wrapping her arms around his neck. It was obvious that Qui-Gon was not used to such displays of affection, and awkwardly held her by the waist as she hugged him. “Buffy,” he said hoarsely. “I understand you are grateful, but I’m having a rather difficult time breathing.” “Oh, sorry,” she said, letting go. “I sometimes forget Buffy shouldn’t squeeze the puppy to hard or it’ll go to heaven.” He tilted his head but laughed. “You are a strange one,” he said. -Winterd's Phantoms_and_Slayers
“I’m driving,” Manuel declared suddenly and grabbed the keys from Trevor who was forced to climb quickly into the front passenger seat or risk being left behind. Harry couldn’t help but grin when he noticed the white knuckles of Trevor’s hands as ‘Uncle Trevor’ gripped the ‘oh shit handle’ of the car tightly. -Shade Dancer's Blood_Prince
“As soon as I contact Lupin, you will be moved elsewhere.” He said coldly. The weakness disappeared as Sirius spun around and glared fiercely in the Potion Master’s eyes, “You can’t keep me from my godson, Snivellus. I’ll hurt you if you try.” “No, you won’t.” Severus smirked and the expression only enraged Sirius more. “Because if you do, you will be hurting Harry. And if you do that, I will destroy you. Harry can’t handle your insanity right now. Therefore; you will leave. You will not sulk or upset Harry before you leave and only when I deem you competent will you be allowed visiting rights.” -SensiblyTaimted's Broken_Mind_Fractured_Soul
No, not that all Quidditch players are predisposed to end up mad, although that’s a good theory if mine is bunk. I think that Quidditch attracts the unstable element of the wizarding world. -SilverWolf7007's Harrys_Sanity
“What? If you told Justin that it was over and he kept bothering you, I’d remove his teeth, what makes me special? If Daphne is happier without me, I can live with that.” Hermione pulled him into a hug. “What did you do when you found out?” “Oh, I threw quite a tantrum. Dobby was deliriously happy with all the things that needed repair.” -Clell65619's Harry_Potter_and_the_Marriage_Contracts
Ellen flushed from embarrassment, but said, "Don't make me more than I am, Harry. I am not perfect." "No," Harry teased, "you're not. Your left little toe is a bit bent, and you stole the sheet last night." -DrT's The Younger Potter Twin: Truths
“A ugly bugger of a human you see has six children, them are like seedlings” one the plants said to the other with a deep voice, “And he figures he’s got the brightest petals in the row, so he calls his wife "Mother of Six" And she doesn’t like it,” “What’s with the human jokes,” the other flower complained in a squeaky voice. “I’m getting to the funny bit,” the other flowered complained. “This is a excellent one,” Professor Pod added, nodding his head as he spoke “At least someone appreciates me,” the flower said. “Don’t get your leaves in a twist,” the other squeaked. “Well one night they go to a party. The male got bored and he wants to know if the female wants to go home.” “How do you tell the males and females apart again,” the flower squeaked. The other flower seemed determined to reach the punch line, “So he shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"” the flower paused for a moment, “And she calls back "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four." You get it?” Professor Pod chuckled appropriately. The other flower swayed slightly, “No.” “Not all the seedlings were pollinated by the same bee, understand.” “What is unusual about that?” “You’re hopeless,” the one flower decreed. “I think I’ll set you apart for a little bit,” Professor Pod decided. He put one of the flower pots beside something that resembled a small palm tree and the other was placed on an overturned bucket. The one on the bucket began to sing, “There once was a girl from Nantucket Who crossed the sea in a bucket, And when she got there They asked for a fare So she pulled up her dress and said– ” “Silencio,” Professor Pod cast. He smiled warmly at the class, most of whom were snickering as they had managed to complete the rhyme on their own. -Worfe's Timely_Errors
Harry spoke over his shoulder. "Call me Harry, Rully." Rully nearly passed out. Turning to Dobby with a look of absolute horror on his small face, he exclaimed. "Rully can’t do THAT!" Dobby shook his head condescendingly. "Harry sir not normal. Not like long name. Call Harry sir like Dobby. Or Master Harry. Short name better." Rully gulped and nodded, and Harry, who had been eavesdropping as he walked away, grinned. He’d struck yet another blow in the fight for normalcy Harry Potter style... Once again the house elf came as summoned. "Harry sir?" "Sorry to keep bothering you, Dobby." Dobby sent Harry a look that fully implied that the man was somewhat slow in the head. "Dobby wants to help Harry sir. Not bothering Dobby at all." "Yes, well, could you take this potion down to the other wizards for me?" Harry handed it over. -krtshadow's Redemption
Introduction by Zilphid Gaulp, observer for the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation, whose owners include Padfoot, Prongs, Moony and in theory, wormtail. -Chris Hill's Mr_Black_Omake_Collection
Elizabeth watched Harry. He looked up and into her eyes. He raised a brow Elizabeth chuckled. "Harry, what are we going to do with you? You absolutely have planned to withdraw and disappear?" "I don't really like people, Elizabeth. I mean, you and all the people I'm meeting lately are okay, but in large groups something happens to people and their brains stop working. They turn into really annoying sheep." Elizabeth looked startled for a moment and then laughed, "I have to keep you away from Phillip-that sounds like something he would say. You seem to have a very black and white view of the world, though, Harry." -Selector11's Harry Potter and the Witche's Secret
After putting on her coat and gloves, Lois stepped outside and shook her head with silent amusement at the scene before her. Jason and Kala were ganging up on Clark in a snowball fight, and he was laughing as he tried to defend himself. If you’d told me seven years ago that I would be watching my twins play in the snow with their father, Superman, right after my soon-to-be-mother-in-law – Superman’s Mom, the sweet little old lady from Kansas – chased me out of my own kitchen… I’d have been too busy laughing myself nauseous to have you committed. My God, my life hasn’t turned out at all like I expected. I thought I’d be on top of the world and thoroughly burned out by now. As it is…
"I never thought I'd set foot on this island," Trask whispered, pulling his robes closer around himself, but keeping his wand raised in defence. "I kind of always knew I would," Harry shrugged. -Jpe6991 Harry_Potter_and_the_Defiance_of_the_Hero
The slayer herself gave the blonde vampire a bottle of tomato sauce and a barbecue fork. The tomato sauce everyone understood but the barbecue fork only Jason seemed to get and once he did, he rolled around on the floor laughing for two minutes straight before crawling over to the slayer and proposing to her. Micah once again had to step in and kidnap the damsel in distress. Buffy made no move to defend herself. She only mumbled something about beer and cavemen before warning Micah not to get near her with a club. -FaithUnbreakable's Lunar
“I don't understand,” Hermione said, turning to him. “We're all showing that we've been drinking. That bet just now is proof of that. But you look stone-cold sober!” “Bad youth,” Harry answer, shrugging. “Living where I live, I've been sneaking into Aunt Petunia's liquor cabinet since I was eight. It was the only way to get by. It'll take a lot stronger than this to drop me.” Dumbledore gave the young man a pitying look filled with remorse. -Enterprise1701-d's The_Poker_Game
“My sister, as much as I love her, has only a passing friendship with sanity..." -Narcissa about Bellatrix somewhere in Jeconais's This_Means_War
The plasma turned out to be the most poisonous, although there seemed to be a factor counteracting the worst of it. The red blood cells seemed ordinary on the surface, as did the white blood cells. It was when the coffee was tested that the problems began. The plasma had no reaction to the coffee. The red blood cells were almost - Paracitic - in their efforts to get to the brown liquid. After absorbing the coffee, all that was left was a clear liquid, which when tested, was energized, as were the red blood cells. The same thing happened with the white blood cells when tested. -Chris Hill's Its In The Blood
“You know what they say about people who assume,” Harry scolded. “But yes. I’ve made my decision.” The world waited with bated breath. God began to bite his nail nervously. The wind called the grass on her cell phone, asking how things were going. The grass didn’t communicate her message of love to the earth, since they still weren’t speaking. -dress-without-sleeve's Decision
You hear the joke about how the Ministry's decided to give Black the lead in fighting the death eaters?" The Unspeakable took a gulp of his drink. "Tell us," one of the others raised his hand to signal another round. "Well, he got the late Umbitch, the Aurors, and Black all together and then he let a rabbit loose in the forbidden forest." The Unspeakable giggled, "said that whoever caught the rabbit first would get the title of the best and be given the job of tracking down all the death munchers. Umbitch took one look at the forest and concluded that rabbits don't exist. The Aurors went in with fifty men and came out with ten . . . having fought a great battle with the rabbit and barely escaped with their lives. And Mr. Black . . . he didn't even bother to show up . . . three days later, the rabbit died . . . of 'natural causes'" The men roared with laughter until one managed to gain enough self control to speak, "don't you mean that the rabbit died . . . in an 'accident'" This of course set off another round of laughter, needless to say that the joke wasn't appreciated when it finally made its way to the Department of Magical Incompetents . . . err . . . that is to say the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, sorry about that typo earlier. -Rorschach's Blots's Make_A_Wish
"About anything." Cordelia agreed. She looked down at the table, for once reluctant to speak her thoughts aloud, then she squared her shoulders, looked up at Giles and said bluntly "She waiting to die, isn't she?" -Angelic Vampyre's Truth
Oh, yeah. Simon. I remember him." Mal, for some reason, was grinning just slightly. "Isn't he the short one who's always arguin' with me? Has this crazy notion that he knows better than I do?" Zoe's lush lips curved in a small smile. "I do believe he's also the one who keeps complainin' about how you ain't fair and he doesn't like your rules, sir." "And isn't he also the one who makes it perfectly clear that he disapproves of the way I dress, the way I talk, the way I eat my food, and the way I fix my hair? And goes out of his way to do all those things exactly the way I don't just to be irritating?" Mal was grinning now. Wash grinned too. "I'm hearing vague echoes of someone from my past... someone who thought How-ayan shirts were ridiculous and kept trying to make me wear a cravat." "You know, now I think on it, there is a definite 'you ain't the boss of me' comin' up against 'I am while you're under my roof, young man' to the way they argue, ain't there?" Kaylee was beaming. -Dyce's Miranda
“Okay, I’ll give you that.” Lex went on, “The richer was a charmer while the smarter could be quite rude.” “The richer was an asshole who couldn’t cook his own food.” “The smarter should really change his attitude from the norm, considering he left his wallet in my dorm.” Sam patted at his pockets and groaned. “The smarter swears his mouth will be still, if the good rich man would please take the bill.” (Sam Winchester and Lex Luthor in) -mute90's College Bound
He told her about becoming an animagus, and confessed that it was he who had jumped from the Astronomy Tower. “The magic chose the form for me when I first did magic,” he said, lean and hard-faced, sitting cross-legged on empty air. The casualness of a feat even Albus couldn’t achieve took her breath away. “My mother was eight months pregnant, and she slipped on the stairs. She didn’t realise that her unborn child levitated her down the stairs and kept her from harm. At that moment the magic knew I would fly.” -Bil's On_the_Wings_of_Magic
“No. You should be more dominating,” he said, grinning. “Deep inside, every Kartesian solider holding an AK-47 is still afraid of his mama.” -Alice Brandon (Twilight AU) in -adorablecullen's Behind_Enemy_Lines
“I tell you what,” I continued. “I have never seen him so whipped by a girl in all my life. She put him in his place and didn’t swoon over him in the least. He’s not used to that happening; girls usually fall all over him. I told him he should have asked for her number but he for some reason has this rule when it comes to women. He thinks that--” I stopped talking mid-sentence as soon as I noticed the looks on Alice and Bella’s faces. Both of them were staring wide eyed in shock with their mouths hanging open. “What?” I asked curiously. Alice and Bella both turned slowly to one another before suddenly screaming at the top of their lungs. I jumped slightly as I sat back in my chair. I watched as the two girls in front of me started freaking out. Alice was jumping up and down as she flung her arms out randomly hitting Bella in excitement, screaming things like, “he’s the guy”, “the tire”, “hot”, “shirt”, “half naked”, “grease”. -BITTENEV's Stitches_and_Scars
“Houston, we're being overtaken by a lawn chair,” came the sardonic reply. “We can see it clearly in the telephoto view.” The speakers remained silent for a few minutes. “Atlantis, our experts down here don't agree with your assessment. They don't think it's a Russia lawn chair. Perhaps it's Chinese.” Commander McMonagle looked at shuttle pilot Curtis Brown and shook his head. Who knew NASA has experts on lawn chairs? -Bobmin's The_Power_of_the_Press
“So, what did Poppy say?” Ginny asked nervously. “I didn’t see Poppy,” Harry said regretfully. “She wasn’t in the castle. However, I did manage to contact Dobby. He agreed to deliver the portkey.” His wife’s face fell but she tried to hide her disappointment. “You do trust Dobby and he will do it…won’t he?” “Of course I trust Dobby,” Harry chuckled as the memory came. “He only tried to kill me back in second year because he thought it would keep me safe.” -Ash Darklighter's The_Unbreakable_Vow
Chandragupta Patil winced. "Lionel, how many times have I asked you not to call me that?" "I haven't kept a tally," Lionel admitted. "But who wants to keep saying 'Chandragupta'?" "As we are to be indirectly related, you may call me Chandra," Patil said. "In fact, please call me Chandra." "Be sure to tell all my future children to call him 'Grandfather Sandy', though," Harry said gravely. "Nonsense," Lionel said. "He'll be 'Pappy Sandy' and I can be 'Pappy Lion'." "I knew this incarnation was going too well," Patil said wearily. -DrT's Re-Ordered
Harry rolled his eyes as his supplies vanished with a flick of his wand, and he slowly stood back up all the while shaking his leg that had partially fallen asleep. The sphinx patiently asked, “I'm white, round, but not always around. Sometimes I am half, sometimes I am whole, and sometimes a slice of me is all you will know. Sometimes I am light, sometimes I am dark, and sometimes I am both. Everyone wants to walk on me but only a few ever have. What am I?” -MathiasGranger's Open_Your_Eyes_The_Goblet_of_Fire
(Some Bella/Edward fun babble) ...Bella: Do you want to sleep with me tonight?
We'd spent our sleepless night dancing. Alice had persuaded me to get out all my records from 1918 – 1920, and we'd set it all up in the vastly unused living room. The house had been filled with laughter as Alice tried to teach Bella and me swing dancing. She'd been thoroughly shocked when we proved to be more adept at it then she. Bella and I had gone swing dancing in Chicago, back when we were human. -LadyLuckxo's Eternal_Love
“Let me get this straight,” Grapplegus said slowly. “You want to open a restaurant with a house-elf chef cooking goblin food.” “Yes,” Harry confirmed. “That stuff has a mighty kick; it will be a knock-out. If it goes well, and it will, we’ll open some Muggle restaurants as well, and franchise it out. There are lots of Muggles who think pain is a flavour. _Harry Potter in Jeconais's Happily_Ever_After
By the end, rather than getting frustrated, Jackie and Rose were quietly teasing the woman, though she wouldn't know, tossing out various features of people they knew and knew of, just to see. So far, Harriet was also a slut, but the late PM was not, and also several famous people - though not Brittney Spears, surprisingly enough. "What about big ears?" Jackie asked, while Rose hid a laugh behind her hands. "Nah, they're not sluts. That's the kind you really gotta watch out for. They wanna get married and have babies." It stopped being funny right then, especially as Jackie looked horrified. Rose tried to hide under the table without looking like she was hiding, and went so far as to offer to clean up while Jackie walked Gran down to catch her bus. -Jessa L'Rynn's The_Scenario_and_the_Solution
“Emmett,” I whisper again. “What if…what if she won’t take me back?” He doesn’t turn but I can hear his amused chuckle echo off the house. “Oh, Edward,” he says with a sigh. “She never let you go.” -monksmama's For Eternity or For Eternity
“What is a Pureblood exactly? I mean, I get the whole ‘descended from wizards’ thing, but how far back does it have to go?” Hermione asked. Harry grinned. “Technically, it means that you have four wizarding grandparents. My grandparents on my mother’s side were Muggles, so I’m known as a half-blood. Any children I have, though, will theoretically be Purebloods, despite their Muggle-born grandmother. Of course, I’m sure that Blood Purists won’t actually admit that she could possibly be a Pureblood. For most people, I think it’s ‘if you know how closely related to a Muggle you are, you’re too closely related to be a Pureblood.’” “How do they manage to keep from marrying Muggles or half-bloods?” Hermione asked. “I mean, there can’t be very many proper Pureblood families, can there?” “Nope,” Harry smirked. “In fact, they seem to die off all the time.” “Then how…?” Hermione trailed off, thinking. “Guess.” “Oh, don’t tell me they…” Hermione trailed off again, looking slightly green. “You know what, I think I have my own philosophy regarding marriage: ‘If you know how closely related you are to someone, you’re too closely related to date.’” “Works for me,” Harry agreed, making a mental note to never look up his or Ginny’s family tree under any circumstance. -Sarah1281's Oh_God_Not_Again
"Let me see. I organised for you to spend a certain length of time in certain people's rooms, allowed you to see where they kept their wands and portkeys, showed you some rather specific charms, ensured the new wards don't alarm when people leave the castle after midnight, fed the giant squid a meal so large that it will sleep soundly for the next week, told the merchieftan that today many pranks would be pulled so if anything out of the ordinary happens he should steer clear for his own safety, and after all this you still think that all this was your prank?" -Draco664's Snape's Worst Nightmare
"OK, now you’re just making stuff up." "I am not," he swore to her. "‘Sweet Dog! now cold and stiff in death, what cruel hand enticed thee here? Did toothsome crust of juicy bone allure to stretch on thy bier?’" Bella’s jaw dropped even lower. She was dumbfounded. Edward was incredibly entertained. He resumed laughing, unable to finish the poem. He doubled over slightly to rest his forehead against hers as he calmed himself. "I only know of one bad poem off the top of my head," she murmured to him. "‘We have scarcely time to tell thee of the strange and gifted Shelley. Sweet man, but poorly-fated, so youthful dead and cremated.’" Bella snickered at the poem, but Edward did not. "Actually, the line is ‘Kind hearted man, but ill-fated, so youthful drowned and cremated,’" he corrected. -VivaViva's Six Silent Goodbyes
“I thought I told you that you weren't to get a pet Harry Potter?” Her father asked sternly. “No father, you said that I was not to have a pet Ha-ey a butterfly and I did not get a pet butterfly of any type.” "Hmmm . . . carry on then." He announced grandly, recognizing that he'd been outmatched in this little game of wits. 'I knew teaching her to play fifth dimensional chess in her head when she was a baby would come back to bite me on the ass.' “Thank you father. Come on Harry, let's get something to eat.” -Rorschach's Blot's Odd_Ideas: Only First Years Have To Follow That Rule
Lorne watched as she disappeared up the stairs and then sank down in the chair. "Okay, he thought to himself. "You have just witnessed something your relatives had only told you about." He reached into the cabinet where he knew they kept the liquor. He poured himself a shot and downed it. He didn't need the little blonde upstairs to sing for him. He could read her like an open book. Her aura projected, her soul screamed and Angel, Angel was up there literally purring. He knew vampires didn't purr, unless they were happy, content, unless they felt safe. He knew that was something no one here had ever seen him do before. -Briony Cain's Justified
“So, you managed to follow me, Hatake-san. Clearly I need to work on my stealth.” “Don’t feel too bad, Shinobi-san”, said Kakashi with a smile as he took in the black-clad figure. “You just fell prey to one of the classic blunders.” ““Never get involved in a land war in Stone Country”?” “No, no, the other one. “Never go up against a Konoha shinobi when a mission is on the line”.” “Oh, I see.” -Kakashi and another ninja in Smylingsnake's Oops
4). Wizard, Witch, Pureblood, Halfblood, Muggleborn, Squib, Muggle. None of it matters, as inside they are all the same: five liters of blood and an infinite number of ways to spill it. Except for babies. They don’t have quite as much blood. ... 6). The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled wasn’t convincing the world she didn't exist. It was convincing her researchers, her grunt workers, and her scapegoats that she cared. And that they mattered. She even convinced most of them that they were more important than her. So she gave them qualities, characteristics, jobs, and duties. She renamed them Ravenclaws, Gryffindors, and Slytherins. You tell a man, he is sly and cunning and he finds it hard to disagree. No matter that expressly advertising that you are sly and cunning is just about the least sly or cunning thing you can do. If he is not a Hufflepuff, he will know no better. He will believe himself sly and cunning. Or he will believe himself intelligent and clever. Or he will believe himself brave and courageous. It is your job to make him believe that! Ravenclaws plan your strategies, Gryffindors fight your battles, Slytherins take your blame. And only behind the curtain, have the Hufflepuffs now and forever reigned supreme. ... 7). Three can keep a secret if two are dead. And thus, out of necessity, was born the rivalry between Slytherin and Gryffindor. ... -nonjons You Did What Chapter 13
“That’s not it.” he said. “I believe it’s a factor of how little Johnson actually likes himself; he’s hesitant to, and I quote, ‘drag her down into his world’ if he actually likes a girl.” “What do you mean he doesn’t like himself?” Hermione asked. S’tarak’hai glanced at her for a moment. “You’re aware he’s a time-traveller?” he checked. “I’ve seen what happens when he meets himself. The level of palpable hatred two Harry Johnsons are able to project across the room at one another is a little alarming.” -Fnords's Harry Johnson And The Headmaster's Socks
"Gaara! Gaara! He's our man! He can't do it, no one can!!" Shouted a entire line of buxom cheerleader Narukos, bouncing around shaking pompoms. Sasuke was grinding the knuckles of his fingers together. He was going to kill him. The dope was going to die! How DARE he mock him like this before an important fight?! "The winner of tonight's fight," Naruto announced. "Goes on to the finals for a chance to gain the coveted chunin grade!" A roar of approval from the audience Narutos. "And to the loser," he continued, once the volume had died down to a more bearable level, "a consolation prize. The fact that they will no longer have to put up with Sakura's whining, seeing as how they will be mercifully dead." "He didn't just say that, did he?" Ino muttered in shocked awe, where her own team were hiding out in the woods overlooking this. "Peanuts, popcorn, crackerjacks," Naruto clones dressed up as snack vendors were going up and down the aisles - and visiting all of the dozens of concealed teams hidden in the surrounding woods. -Perfect Lionheart's Chunin Exam Day
“Rise and shine children,” Kei called out, “it's time to get up.” “It's still dark,” Naruto protested, “you aren't supposed to get up till the big ball of fire is half way up the sky.” –Rorschach's Blot ‘s http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3488198/11/What_If
Contrary to popular belief the Yondamine Hokage wasn’t a better seal master than Chiyo of Suna. When Jiraiya will ask to see Gaara’s seal he will find nothing wrong with it and wonder why Gaara was tortured so much in his sleep and Naruto wasn’t. Naruto, who will overhear the conversation, will give the gathered ninja such an odd look for the longest time before inviting the Kazekage to spar out in the dunes. Jiraiya will wonder but never find the courage to ask Naruto what he sees in his dreams. –eminyet‘s http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3543709/5/Five_Reasons
"Hey, Sasuke! Wake up!" Oh, it was Naruto. Well, it certainly could have been worse. Last time this happened, it was some brown haired academy girl in glasses, with a scroll of poetry she’d written about me. Creepy. It wasn’t even that bad of poetry. Kunoichi training or not, it took some talent to have a passage with the line ‘I want to bathe you with my tongue’ in iambic pentameter. Was even kind of sensual. But creepy. Yes, definitely creepy.
"Anyone can figure it out – it’s so stupid!" She yelled, then caught herself. "I mean, hypothetically speaking – if we had lied – which we didn’t." "Are you kidding?!" Naruto laughed her concerns off. "Jeez, you’re smart but you’re so stupid sometimes. Who’s going to do that, and have that cat escape again? & the cat." Sakura looked around the room and was surprised to see solemn nods from the ninja’s – and the one royal attendant still finishing some paperwork. "& the cat." they chorused. -funkmasterjo's Tsunade's Heir
Unable to contain his own joy at obtaining yet another customer for life, Teuchi said, "Ramen bless us, everyone!" "Don't push it, old man," Ino said around her half-slurped noodles, her rebuke tempered somewhat by the grin stretching her cheeks. -Narf-for-the-Garthoc 's A Ramen Rhapsody
"Yea, #65." "Those Shinobi rules are less rules and more…" "Helpful guidelines." Naruto added from the corner, not looking up. If anyone understood the malleability of rules, it was Naruto. "Correct," A faint smile crested on Yuugao's lips. "They do hit on some good points though." "Bah, they forgot the most important rule of them all though," Naruto mumbled from the side, hints of gruffness in his voice. It's not often that Naruto preoccupies three women and an old perverted man with a single statement but it's very hard to come up with what exactly Naruto would consider to be "the most important rule of them all". This lead to a logical maneuver on Yuugao's part. "And that would be…?" Naruto looked at Yuugao for a moment, as if she had just made a small pun or joke. It quickly dawned on him that, no, Yuugao wasn't joking. She really didn't know. "You…" He seemed somewhat perplexed by the whole situation. "You… don't know where your towel is?" The women-folk were utterly baffled by this statement. Turo, on the other hand, quickly rushed to his pack and returned with a red towel. Naruto nodded, ceremonially. He didn't seem the least bit freaked out by the fact that someone had just withdrew a towel and presented it like some ancient artifact. He rolled up his sleeve, revealing yet another seal on his arm. One bite, a trickle of blood, and a smear later and a pure white towel was in his hand. The towel was, much like everything Naruto owned, plastered with seals. "Oh, nice one." "Yea, I got some connections who know how to sew." -Cyrus II's Cutting_the_Deck
Jiraiya's brain was about to break down. The kid was doing the same thing he had said before; he was making complex seals without knowing what they were called. "Ok, look. That central thingy is not doing the job it should because the other seal thingy isn't getting any Chakra at all. Well...it is, but it isn't doing what it's meant to be doing." "OH!" The 10 year old chirped, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. 'GOD DAMMIT! I'M BEGINNING TO THINK IN 'THINGS' AS WELL!' Naruto continued to prod the seal and channel chakra into it at irregular intervals. "So what is it doing then?" -'s Konoha_Narutos_Playground
"James' department. He covers everything including but not limited to violence, vices, murder, illicit activities, civil rights activism, and abstinence," Andron recited. "I cover record keeping, bill paying, and taxes. Fuck, I'm boring. James, how did that happen?" "You took a right at sanity, whereas I took a sharp left," James replied without hesitation. –ChipmonkOnSpeed‘s http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3415504/26/Prodigy
Chunnin Exam Day, by Perfect Lionheart:
It was not a nice side of me I was airing today, but I saw no reason for Bella to know of it. I was as sure that if she noticed it within the next several hundred years, she would either forgive me or help me to balance myself out. Either way, I wasn't worried. Neither was I ready to share my motivation, however. That was between God, myself, and Jasper. - DVMR: Outtakes
'Kid? No. He's right. Partner.' ...blond partner with newfound respect. "So, in or out?" Naruto asked Anko just smirked. 'My dear lovely zero's.. Mommy is going to give you plenty of little siblings very soon now.' She thought, cackling gleefully. The blond smiled pleasantly. "I knew you'd see it my way." The Art Of The Deal
"No no no! I don't-Ooooh! Oh God, don't! NO!" Hinata cried as Tenten proceeded to molest her. Her cheeks flushed as she saw Naruto staring at her, drooling. Well... Not quite what I had in mind... But him watching is good too... For now. "WHY HASN'T ANYONE PUT ME OUT YET?" Hiashi screamed, oblivious to his eldest daughter beginning to enjoy kinky lesbian sex with Tenten while Naruto watched. Neji stood on the roof overhead, staring in utter disbelief, while Hanabi ate some popcorn. "Told you Plushy Naruto was evil," the little Hyuuga girl stated. -Boom! by Andrew Joshua Talon
Ramen Doodles by Andrew Joshua Talon
Iruka smiled and shook his head. "Flattery will not always work you know." "As long as it works more often than 'respect' I'll be fine." "I don't know what I did to get stuck with you," the older man grinned. "You offered ramen. Big mistake. Now I'm yours for life." Iruka pressed down on the warm feeling in his chest and managed to summon enough sarcasm for a single word retort. "Joy." - RunningThunder's Forgotten Little Things
Ch. 13: Naruto wondered, briefly, if she recognized the fanboy as one of her own kind... Sasuke reluctantly nodded, and Kakashi shook his head. "How ever do you get into those sort of situations, "Uzumaki-sama"?""I've actually thought about that a lot, sensei. My guess is that there's this gigantic party going on somewhere. Maybe it's heaven, or maybe it's ...not heaven. Anyway, where ever it is, and who ever is there? They're very, very drunk."Kakashi nodded. "That makes perfect sense, actually."...A Twist Of Chance,
"Last week, I tried praying. But I found I was only talking to myself. Don't worry, I learned my lesson last time. This time, no disciples!" "What are you talking about?" "Judas may have betrayed me to the state, and Peter may have denied knowing me three times, but it was Paul who perverted my teachings to make them acceptable to the Hellenistic world. Damn idiots couldn't tell a parable from a metaphore. Siddartha had the right idea. Class is starting again. We can discuss this more later. -Saotome Ranma in N.Reynold's To Tell a Hawk From a Handsaw http://www.fanfiction.net/s/778579/1/
The Favorites Section used to only hold 150 fics. So here are those that you mustmustmust read.
Evil Be Though My Good Harry solves a puzzle box with a haunting tune. It is what the Dark Lord knows not, a gateway to hell.
Don't Touch Me Harry has never liked to be touched. To him, touch represents fear and pain, punishment and anger. Can Ginny break through his defences and teach him the joy of touch? One-shot.Its a Harry/Ginny oneshot with mostly some angst in it. Basically, it examines Harry's aversion to touch that once began with a boy in a cupboard.
Crossed Lines is a Buffy the Vampire Slayer Buffy/Angel fic. It's been out 'on the market' for a while and is very good. Bitter love turned to bitter hate make for a wild ride for the slayer and the vampire with a soul. Its a sequel to a oneshot that I dont believe is nearly as good, but this one I like a lot. SMUt of both the loving and purely sexual kind. Lots of angst.
Crapshoot is another Btvs Buffy/Angel fic. Actually, it's more of a Buffy/Angelus kinda... anyway, years in the future, things have happened. The 'End of Days' has passed yet again. SMUt with a usual side of angst and alert.
Hary_Potter_&_The_New_Life Harry Potter is transfered to another universe after Voldemort dies where his parents, Sirius, and everyone he ever new is alive. There are differences though; with sisters, a brother Black 'cousins' and Neville as the BWL, how is the supposed 'prodigy' to get on knowing he will still have to defeat Voldemort and that his beloved Ginny may no longer be a part of his life? Unfinished and not updated for a long time. Lots of girls like Harry and he is a SuperHarry of a sort. There are possibilities for H/OC but lots of 'love' between Harry/Ginny (yay!); there are also tiny hints for a harem but there is nothing sure.
The_Calm_Before_the_Storm This is just a oneshot but i like the idea. It's one of those Snape-goes-into-shock-when-Harry's-kids-come-to-school fics, though it's a oneshot. It's most likely Harry/Harem with some Neville/Luna slightly hinted at. At 2952 words, it spouts out his kids seperating themselves into Houses and spreading the fun.
Boycotts_and_BarFliesAU Everyone is Human and living in Portland. The girls decide to boycott boys and the guys make a bet to keep them from dating the 'wrong kind of girls' what happens when they all stop looking for love? ExB, JxA, RxEm... Bella's hand was clutching the front of Edward's shirt. And then the talking started... “Avocados, I need three...” Bella mumbled. A few seconds later Edward answered her, “I only have two.” I bit my lip to keep from laughing and looked over at Jasper, who was shaking with laughter. “They've been doing this for a half hour! A few minutes ago, they were talking about pine cones. Just give them a few minutes, they'll do it again,” he said, pointing back in their direction. “I know Bella talks in her sleep all the time, but Edward too?” I said in amazement. “Bella...” Edward whispered. “Hmmmm. Edward,” Bella responded to her name. “They do that all the time.” Jasper laughed. “I need more socks...” Edward moaned. “Ok...here,” Bella replied.
Under Seigeby Dens Serpentis. Basically, Death Eaters attack Hogwarts and the teachers are no longer able to do anything. Harry takes charge despite his protests, and the students begin to take charge. This only has two or three chapters and is definetley WIP.
Like a Phoenix from the Ashes by Kinsfire..Dumbledore friendly that starts off as Harry/Ginny. Charlie and Bill are assholes though and fake Harry havingan affair with Pansy. Later, Harry is in a relationship with Hermione, Luna, Susan, and Pansy. It's still a WIP but it is pretty long already.
In Memory I is by Becka. Basically, when Harry is sent to the Dursleys, some Death Eaters stick around to watch him as Shadows, and the Dursleys are real ass holes (rape, abuse, neglect, ect.) and the shadows kind of fall in love with Harry and treat him as thier lord kind. In Hogwarts, he gets a dual sorting, Gryff/Slyth, and promotes house relationship. H/Draco and H/SS, though I am not that fond of those pairings. Its a WIP that hasn't been updated in a while.
Celestial Requim Cynical and worn out from the meaningless descrimination in the wizarding world, Harry returns to Hogwarts for his sixth year a different person with a new hobby. Along with another, he ropes Hermione and Draco into writing under an alias. Harry's alias? Harrison Evans.. writer extrodinaire.
Black and Twilight by Feneris the Elf. The Potters, a long line of the darkest of the dark lords. The Dursleys, The Weasleys, and Hogwarts now has to survive a boy named Harry Potter. Who comes from a family even more feared then Voldemort himself. I like this a lot. It centers on humor though there are plenty of inconsistancies-of course, wizards and witches are known for having little if none common sense.
First Place Sinner In which Harry has Petunia's love, though it makes him bleed. Rated M For masochism, drug abuse, and other mature themes. Okay, it's really creapy with underage drinking, abuse, neglect, drug use, death, and Penance with a capital P. It's defenitly one of those haunting horrors... and with everything, Harry is still our dark Harry.
Recapturing_the_Past Almost two years ago Harry finally destroyed the Dark Lord at great personal cost. So just who is this Jason McKnight and what does he have to do with Harry Potter?... I love this little fic though it is a H/HR but not explicitly. 'Jason McKnight' is a young man w/o a past and happy to leave it that way. Only, on a visit to the Queen to string his fingers on the piano chords the OOtP becomes aware of him and Snape's petty revenge on James Potter's son will ruin everything. I read this a long time ago and I still love it.
A Twist Of Chance Naruto just happens to run into his only family-an aunt and grandmother. Who knew? At the same time, he delves into the underground lair of paperwork nins, learning of family, male/female stuff, and the problems with having fan girls and guys. In the beginning I don't care for it as much although it is hilarious, but I like it in the later chapters a whole bunch. There are 15 chapters but it is unfinished and hasn't been updated since '08.
Anything I write is all mine. But, I do not own Harry Potter, who belongs to JK Rowling, Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel, or Firefly/Serenity who belongs to Joss Whedon Marti Nixon and co. of Mutant Enemy, Charmed, who belongs to whoever made it and then aired it, CSI, ('m not really sure who came up with that) or anything else you may find me writing. I do this for enjyment, to fend off boredom as well as the muses who constantly fly about me and make my life hell, and make sure my fingers still know how to write... plus my fingers have been itching to write plenty of ideas ever since I found out about fan fiction. Anything OC is ALL MINE! If you want something of mine, just post a proper discalimer letting everyone who reads your own story know that whatever it is you borrowed is MINE... did I miss anything?
Okay.. the thing is that I have a ton of ideas, and multiple muses that co-exist.. randomly. I will post chapters at random, so you might as well favorite or alert me if there is something you wanna wait for. As you can see below, I am very bad at updating on schedule. sighs I'm really sorry about that.
Following this fic are a few WIP-fics and one-shots:
Okay, okay, I'll let you get onto all the good stuff. But first, I'd just like you to know that I am always plagued with tons of little ideas, so if you're having troubles thinking, you can always just get a hold of me. Smiles sweetly.
-Piper/Leo-Phoebe/Cole-Phoebe/(her boyfriend/boss)-Prue/Andy: Okay.. the thing is that I have a ton of ideas, and multiple muses that co-exist.. randomly. I will post chapters at random, so you might as well favorite or alert me if there is something you wanna wait for. As you can see below, I am very bad at updating on schedule. sighs I'm really sorry about that.Okay, okay, I'll let you get onto all the good stuff. But first, I'd just like you to know that I am always plagued with tons of little ideas, so if you're having troubles thinking, you can always just get a hold of me. --Smiles sweetly.-
98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile
If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.
If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects...copy this into your profile.
If you know someone who should be run over by a bus put this on your profile.
If you believe that preps travel in packs then place this on your profile.
If you should be doing homework right now, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile
If you ever called your teacher mum or dad copy this into your profile.
If you are a Weasley Twin Worshipper, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile
If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you've ever read /started to read a chapter in a fanfiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have spent a long time wishing that Hogwarts was actually a place, copy this onto your profile!
If you think that Voldermort is NOT cute copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you like Sirius Black copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've bookmarked about ten billion fanfiction stories, copy and paste this into your profile
If you love little kid movies like Fox and the Hound even if you're over ten years old and you love loving them, copy and paste this into your profile
If you think cancer is awful, put this in your profile.
If you have ever spent too much money at Barnes and Noble, put this in your profile.
If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile
If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy and past this into your profile
Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep had the same tune.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile
If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever gotten high on sugar, copy and paste on your profile.
If when you go to sleep you can hear songs that you haven't heard in three years copy this to your profile.
If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever tried to fly without a plane or any other flying machine/type thing, and SUCCEEDED, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever fallen asleep in a class, paste this to your profile
If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.
If you wonder who started these thingamawhatevers, copy this into your profile.
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you have ever zoned out for five consecutive minutes copy this on your profile
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this on your profile
If YOU get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile
If you have ever pushed on a door that said "Pull" copy this into your profile.
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile
If your fashion sense is “is it comfortable?” before "does it look fashionable?" then copy this into your profile
If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear bating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile!
If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like two reviews, copy this into your profile.
You know you live in 2007 when...
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
Notice: To all those who think Homophobia is wrong and want to fight for a better future for our gay and lesbian and Bi friends, please repost this into your profile: "This is the boy, Matthew Shepard. On October 7, 1998 Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson lead him to a remote area east of Laramie where they demonstrated unimaginable acts of hate. Matthew was tied to a split-rail fence where he was beaten and left to die in the cold of the night. Almost 18 hours later he was found by a cyclist who initially mistook him for a scarecrow. Matthew died on October 12 at 12:53 am at a hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado. KILLED BECAUSE HE WAS GAY!! "
92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.
92 of teens have moved onto rap. If you are part of the 8 that still listen to real music, copy and paste this into your sig.
Ninety-Five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list, Queen S of Randomness 016, Queen B of Randomness 016, AnimieKittyCaffe, The Gypsy Pirate Queen, That Bloody Demon, The Astrology Nerd, Shadow929, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Yavie Aelienel, Hyperactively Bored, Spymaster E, Shanny-Boo, Gem W, Brown-eyed angelofmuisc, piratesswriter/fairy to be, Bara-Minamoto, Em Quagmire, Buffy the Mary-Sue Slayer, Harry's Girl 01031992, WanderingTeen, Za Webmaster Authoress, Plutobaby494, Goddessa39
If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similiar, copy this into your profile
If you think Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann--Disney's PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN-- are made for each other and that, no matter how awesomely awesome Jack Sparrow may be, he should never, under any circumstances, be with Elizabeth, COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!
Oh. My. God.I've read the sadest thing ever-it was on someone elses profile and you have to read it:
The Procrastinator's Creed:
You know what Mommy
You went to the doctor today.
I can hear that doctor again.
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
If you're against abortion, re-post this
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle
So effin funny!!:
Also, a Beta-Reader is welcome. I've gotten one or two people willing, but the more the Merryer.. I'm currently working on many fics, and I've written a few chappies on one that I've been planning for a long time. If anyone is willing to read an HP Harry/Ginny fic or an H/OC fic, then please email me and help.
Help- HP STORY- This is one with humor in it where Harry goes back in time somehow and is Salazar Slytherin. The Gryfindor/Slytherin war is actually started between Sirius (whom had fallen through the veil to the past) who is apparently Godric's brother and Harry in pranking.
Help- Buffy the Vampire Slayer STORY- This one is a oneshot I believe, or maybe a twoshot with the visible characters being Buffy and Willow and sorta Angel, Cordelia and Riley I think. Buffy/Angel of course though. Okay, so while Buffy is in college, Angel dies and she feels it. She's in bed and just like souldying and crying and stuff when Riley comes to find her nonresponsive. He gets Willow and she tells him to leave and then Cordelia calls to give them the news. Buffy already knew of course. It's really angsty and sorta dark but I have not seen it in a long time and want to find it.