Ihateseatbelts
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Joined 03-23-14, id: 5608530, Profile Updated: 05-30-19
Author has written 4 stories for Harry Potter, and Final Fantasy I-VI.

A twenty-something Londoner on a journey to conquer the world... through the medium of interpretive dance!

I've been a long-time lurker of the site, and writing fan fics has been tempting since I still had a couple of milk teeth left. I almost posted one during secondary school, but it was just so angsty. I still suck at writing, but it's fun. Indulge a brother!

Currently working on an AU fic called Harry Potter and the Untitled Tome. I wouldn't call it overly serious and gritty, but if you're looking something lighter and sillier, then my other stories might take your fancy.

You can also find me on Tumblr (yeah, I know...), Instagram, and Facebook where I try (and fail) to update my doodle-y stuff. I wanna post more fanart in the future, so if messy sketches are your sort of thing, pop in at ihateseatbelts.tumblr.com, instagram.com/ihateseatbelts, or https://www.facebook.com/Ihateseatbelts!

Active Projects:

Harry Potter and the Untitled Tome (Ch.28 in-progress)

31/05/19: Hey there, everyone! Just in case you're wondering, Untitled Tome is not dead. I'd be lying if I said that I'm working on it every day. However, I'm still fully in love with writing the story and the extended AU. There are several other projects and a cornucopia of irrelevant things that I'm juggling right now, but this plot won't stop bugging me until it's uploaded in full. In that vein, I won't be posting any updates until I've completed the end of Harry's second year. After that, we'll crack on with the sequel: Harry Potter and the Wildsman's Keep. It'll take quite some time, to be frank, but I know you'd rather not read a half-arsed conclusion. If you're still reading it, thank you dearly for doing so. I hope you'll eventually enjoy the story in its entirety!

So I thought that it might be a good idea to add a more detailed synopsis for the story here, since I'm still at a loss for a particularly good summary...

Harry Potter and the Untitled Tome is my attempt at writing the first arc of a Harry-centric (mostly) AU with a bucket list-load of canon divergences. Harry is an orphan, as usual. He first learns the truth about his parents just before his eleventh birthday, as usual. The story differs in that Harry lives at a children's home, is visited by Elphias Doge (a History teacher), and chose to indulge in his unexplained oddities years before the meeting takes place.

It explores a Wizarding World where wizards number in the millions, running their own nation-states as the dominant fantastic species by expanding every nook and cranny that the Muggles have left uninhabited. A natural hierarchy develops over the centuries, with those who show aptitude for wand magic comprising the upper classes, for the most part.

In this world, Grindelwald - self-styled High Warlock of the East - was never defeated. He reigns supreme in large pockets of the Eastern Hemisphere, but the war has run cold since his confrontations with the British in the mid-20th century. What caused the stalemate is anyone's guess save himself, "Sir" Albus Dumbledore and their closest comrades, but the nations of the ICW have maintained a frosty truce with him ever since.

This is, of course, way over Harry's head. He throws himself into his lessons, making friends, and learning how to duel - all the while trying to learn as much as he can about his family. But the sudden death of a high-ranking politician sets off a Domino effect that becomes too close for comfort, and while Dumbledore obsesses over the mystery in his own time, Harry is roped into solving it himself, wondering just how - if at all - it could be connected to him.

It can be quite a self-involved plot at times, as the reader is essentially learning about the world at Harry's pace. This changes in later chapters, and hopefully won't be the case by the end of this arc.

For an in-depth summary of each chapter, you can always visit the story's thread over in the Work By Author section at Dark Lord Potter Forums.

Harry Potter and the Fruits of Ennui (Ch.6 in-progress)

The Compendium of Hogwash (irregular)

Cover photo credits:

Harry Potter and the Untitled Tome - Joachim S. Müller

Harry Potter and the Fruits of Ennui - yum9me bit.ly/1KPcwwz

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Harry Potter and the Forests of Valbonë by enembee reviews
Long ago the Forests of Valbonë were closed to wizards and all were forbidden to set foot within them. So when, at the end of his second year, Harry becomes disenchanted with his life at Hogwarts, where else could he and his unlikely band of cohorts want to go? Join Harry on a trip into the unknown, where the only certainty is that he has absolutely no idea what he's doing.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 50 - Words: 118,942 - Reviews: 2240 - Favs: 2,895 - Follows: 2,800 - Updated: 7/18 - Published: 8/14/2011 - Harry P., Sorting Hat - Complete
The Black Prince by cxjenious reviews
He remembers being Harry Potter. He dreams of it. He dreams of the Great Other too, a beast of ice and death with eyes red as blood and an army of dead things. He is the second son of the king, but his fortunes change when secrets rather left in the dark come to light, and Westeros is torn asunder by treachery and ambition. Winter is coming, but magic is might. Very Abandoned
Crossover - Harry Potter & Game of Thrones - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 138,771 - Reviews: 3119 - Favs: 8,567 - Follows: 9,769 - Updated: 1/23 - Published: 3/7/2015
Hogwarts Battle School by Kwan Li reviews
AU. Voldemort kills Dumbledore but is defeated by a child. In the aftermath, Snape becomes the Headmaster and radically changes Hogwarts. Harry Potter of House Slytherin begins his Third Year at Hogwarts Battle School and realizes that friend and foe are too similar for his liking. Competing with allies and enemies, Harry finds there is a cost to winning.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 52 - Words: 367,472 - Reviews: 2468 - Favs: 3,282 - Follows: 3,917 - Updated: 4/2/2018 - Published: 7/31/2012 - Harry P., Hermione G., Severus S., Blaise Z.
Castles in the Sky by whereismypen reviews
Harry Potter never received his Hogwarts letter. When Albus Dumbledore dies, the thread that's holding the wizarding world together begins to unravel. AU. Harry/Tonks.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 3 - Words: 17,614 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 151 - Follows: 318 - Updated: 1/27/2018 - Published: 12/11/2017 - Harry P., N. Tonks
Hallowed by Shinysavage reviews
Once upon a time, three brothers came up with a plan to change the world forever. Centuries later, wizards still fight over the scraps of their power. However, only one person can truly lay claim to their destiny. AU. Harry/Lisa Turpin pairing in later chapters.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 17 - Words: 94,268 - Reviews: 460 - Favs: 1,612 - Follows: 2,122 - Updated: 11/26/2016 - Published: 10/16/2011 - Harry P.
Aunt Marge's Even Bigger Mistake by FloreatCastellum reviews
Ginny persuades Harry to attend Dudley's wedding. Unfortunately, both of them forgot that Aunt Marge would also be attending. Winner of Mugglenet's Quicksilver Quill Awards 2016, Best General (One-shot).
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,875 - Reviews: 153 - Favs: 1,005 - Follows: 220 - Published: 6/5/2016 - Harry P., Ginny W., Vernon D., Marge D. - Complete
We All Fall After The Yule Ball by Don E. Delivery reviews
Harry's attraction to Parvati leads him to take his Yule Ball preparation much more seriously and his night is changed as a result. Includes an awesome Ron, an interesting Parvati and a drunk Katie Bell. Oh, and what's a Yule Ball fic without a little Fleur Delacour?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 83,644 - Reviews: 284 - Favs: 911 - Follows: 1,226 - Updated: 3/25/2016 - Published: 4/11/2011 - Harry P., Hermione G., Fleur D., Parvati P.
Adventures in Child Care and Other One Shots by Perspicacity reviews
An assortment of Harry Potter one shots. Though listed as "Humor/General," the collection also contains Drama, Horror, Family, and Tragedy, as well as a few experimental fiction stories as I work out my stylist chops. Contain crossovers with several fictional worlds, including the Cthulhu Mythos, Starship Troopers, Star Wars, and James Bond.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 39,590 - Reviews: 580 - Favs: 628 - Follows: 412 - Updated: 12/31/2015 - Published: 1/28/2008 - Harry P., Padma P. - Complete
What You Leave Behind by Newcomb reviews
The Mirror of Erised is supposed to show your heart's desire - so why does Harry Potter see only vague, blurry darkness? Aberforth is Headmaster, Ariana is alive, Albus is in exile, and Harry must uncover his past if he's to survive his future.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 122,146 - Reviews: 904 - Favs: 3,249 - Follows: 3,951 - Updated: 8/8/2015 - Published: 10/14/2014 - [Harry P., Fleur D.] Cho C., Cedric D.
Potter Ever After by Kevin3 reviews
Between marriage contracts, soul bonds, angry fathers, wandering eyes, backstabbing women, and defiant house elves, Harry has a feeling that 'True Love' isn't in the cards for him in this story. Which is just fine by him, as it turns out. A depressing walkthrough of the current state of HP Fanfiction.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 5 - Words: 19,696 - Reviews: 189 - Favs: 512 - Follows: 242 - Updated: 8/4/2015 - Published: 3/24/2015 - Harry P., Hermione G., Ginny W., Susan B. - Complete
Wand and Shield by Morta's Priest reviews
The world is breaking. War and technology push on the edge of the unbelievable as S.H.I.E.L.D. desperately tries to keep the peace. Soldier and scientist no longer hold the line alone, as an ancient fire burns alongside them. The last of all wizards.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 33 - Words: 260,787 - Reviews: 7245 - Favs: 14,179 - Follows: 15,856 - Updated: 7/22/2015 - Published: 6/2/2012 - Harry P.
Harry Potter and the Something Something by Legendary Legacy reviews
Hey, wouldn't it be cool if someone took as many fanfic cliches as possible and stuffed them all into one story? No? Well, I went ahead and did it anyway. Multi-chapter Mockfic. This summary is actually a lot better than I originally thought.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 26,891 - Reviews: 431 - Favs: 697 - Follows: 600 - Updated: 5/4/2015 - Published: 7/18/2011 - Harry P.
Uncle Harry by R-dude reviews
It is time for the Potters to visit the Dursley family.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,926 - Reviews: 127 - Favs: 1,693 - Follows: 545 - Published: 4/14/2015 - Harry P., Daphne G., Dudley D. - Complete
How To Burn The Wizard Bible by Grabeccer reviews
Parody. Only a little crack. It's a new year, full of new adventures and surprises! Such as Draco's new drug addiction! (Well, maybe that's not really surprising...)Uncle Vernon's sleazy affair with Umbridge! (Disgusting!) Harry's god-complex! (Not...surprising...) Ron's depression! (YAY!) But wait...there's more! Now including the mistreatment of house elves and lap dances!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 9,070 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 9/18/2014 - Published: 7/4/2014 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G., Draco M.
The Wide World of Magic by DisobedienceWriter reviews
Post-Hogwarts. Harry can't even repair a damaged house without stumbling into major trouble. Harry intrudes upon the kidnapping of former Minister Fudge and finds himself drafted into a secret attempt to find and rescue the wizard. Humor, Spy!Harry, Harry-searching-for-a-career, Bumbling!Harry-becoming-Powerful!Harry.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 28,105 - Reviews: 221 - Favs: 796 - Follows: 1,029 - Updated: 9/14/2014 - Published: 7/18/2014 - Harry P.
Harry Potter, the Geek by Andrius reviews
The summer before his fifth year, Harry obtains a computer and an internet connection. Two months later, he emerges a changed person, for what has been seen cannot be unseen. AU with the whole Harry Potter timeline moved forward to the modern day. References to internet memes, video games, anime, etc.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 23 - Words: 65,269 - Reviews: 669 - Favs: 2,759 - Follows: 1,465 - Updated: 6/7/2014 - Published: 10/30/2013 - Harry P. - Complete
Elizium for the Sleepless Souls by Voice of the Nephilim reviews
The crumbling island prison of Azkaban has been evacuated, its remaining prisoners left behind. Time growing short, Harry Potter will make one final bid for freedom, enlisting an unlikely crew of allies in a daring escape, where nothing is as it seems.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Horror - Chapters: 9 - Words: 52,712 - Reviews: 306 - Favs: 883 - Follows: 651 - Updated: 3/7/2014 - Published: 1/5/2012 - Harry P. - Complete
Sitra Ahra by Voice of the Nephilim reviews
On the night of Halloween 1981, Harry Potter vanished for eight years, reappearing at a Muggle orphanage with no recollection of his past. The deck stacked heavily against him, Harry arrives at Hogwarts, his past the key to the present’s brewing storm.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 30 - Words: 363,743 - Reviews: 1040 - Favs: 1,457 - Follows: 1,461 - Updated: 2/14/2014 - Published: 3/1/2009 - Harry P.
Honestly, Harry! by AvalonianDream reviews
Harry and Hermione exploit various aspects of magic as defined in fanfiction to achieve tremendous succes in stupidly easy ways.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,804 - Reviews: 177 - Favs: 1,451 - Follows: 1,206 - Updated: 1/12/2014 - Published: 12/5/2013 - Harry P., Hermione G.
Harry Potter: The Last Avatar by The Sorting Cat reviews
Why is Harry Potter considered the worst firebender in Gryffindor? Why doesn't he want to be noticed? Probably the same reason he dreams of drowning every night. [Harry Potter characters in an AU with magic replaced by the elemental powers of Avatar: The Last Airbender / Legend of Korra. Full summary inside.]
Crossover - Harry Potter & Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 15 - Words: 135,342 - Reviews: 1287 - Favs: 3,043 - Follows: 3,411 - Updated: 1/7/2014 - Published: 10/16/2012 - Harry P.
The Wizard from Earth by Morta's Priest reviews
Living for a century is an accomplishment, even for a wizard. Two is a rarity. Living them all? That is the territory of the gods. Harry Potter remembers a cat's glowing eyes, a strange old man with a wicked smile, and pain. It is the year 3050 B.C.E. and he has all of history as his future.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Man from Earth - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 9 - Words: 80,194 - Reviews: 932 - Favs: 2,857 - Follows: 3,269 - Updated: 12/3/2012 - Published: 7/19/2012 - Harry P.
Ectomancer by RustyRed reviews
Falling through puddles and magic gone haywire are just a few of Harry's newest problems. With the Ministry falling apart and Voldemort unearthing ancient secrets, will Harry uncover the truth in time? Post-OotP.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 15 - Words: 103,911 - Reviews: 1008 - Favs: 2,651 - Follows: 2,891 - Updated: 2/17/2012 - Published: 9/28/2008 - Harry P.
The Crown of Mètis by Megii of Mysteri OusStranger reviews
1957 A tree in Albania, she said. Straightforward enough, right? Not if someone else got there first. Tom's journey in acquiring the vessel for his fifth Horcrux just got that much trickier. An exploration of White Magic. Canon-compliant. Longshot. OC
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 17,054 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 348 - Follows: 70 - Published: 4/25/2011 - Tom R. Jr., Voldemort - Complete
The Duellist by Johnny Farrar reviews
A challenge to a mid-night duel alters Harry Potter's fate. Given a taste of the thrill and excitement of a wizard's duel, Harry's life takes a sudden turn as he immerses himself into the noble art of his fore-fathers — Duelling.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,069 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 702 - Follows: 499 - Published: 4/17/2011 - Harry P. - Complete
Why is it Orange? by Grinning Lizard reviews
My first ever challenge response, from the Thank God You're Here thread on DLP. Just a little crack!fic oneshot. Reasonably good response for it on there, so please enjoy. The premise: 'A confused Ron finds Hermione's Dildo'
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,318 - Reviews: 234 - Favs: 704 - Follows: 157 - Published: 11/18/2010 - Complete
The Skitterleap by enembee reviews
Fifty years ago, Grindelwald won the duel that shaped the world. In a land overwhelmed by darkness, a hero emerges: a young wizard with the power, influence and opportunity to restore the light. Harry Potter, caught up in a deadly game of cat and mouse, must decide what he truly believes. Does this world deserve redemption? Or, more importantly, does he?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 7 - Words: 65,165 - Reviews: 341 - Favs: 1,065 - Follows: 699 - Updated: 10/11/2010 - Published: 6/19/2009 - Harry P., Fleur D.
Anything but Slytherin by IP82 reviews
ONESHOT. AU. How could have Harry's sorting ceremony looked like if the first war against Voldemort went down a bit differently. Dark and disturbing.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,917 - Reviews: 282 - Favs: 1,172 - Follows: 247 - Published: 5/21/2008 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Harry Potter and the Untitled Tome reviews
The Battle of Nurmengard ended in a stalemate. Half a century later, Harry Potter feels adrift in a world teeming with millions of fantastic folk. Armed with a talking wand, he forays single-minded into the noble art and sport of Duelling, until one book leads him on the path to discovering his ill-fated parents' efforts to conceal a most dangerous magical secret.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Supernatural - Chapters: 28 - Words: 219,818 - Reviews: 323 - Favs: 1,094 - Follows: 1,313 - Updated: 10/14/2018 - Published: 3/23/2014 - Harry P., Hermione G., Albus D., Neville L.
Harry Potter and the Squared Circle: An Exhaust(ing) Bibliography reviews
A small library of manuals, interviews, experiments, and intimate letters which expand on the lore of the Untitled Tome and its planned sequels.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,009 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 4/10/2018 - Published: 10/28/2015
Of Castles and Crystals
Hogsmeade Town lies in ruin. The traitorous Dark Knights of Walpurgis scour the streets in their lust for blood, lauding one name written in the sky above all others: Voldemort. Whisked away from the conflict in a flash of gold, the Crown Princess Daphne is faced with two problems. Why has she awoken at sea, and who is her green-eyed captor? A HP/FF fusion. Bard!Ron, Moogle!Dobby.
Crossover - Final Fantasy I-VI & Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,000 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 4 - Published: 11/15/2017
Harry Potter and the Fruits of Ennui reviews
The Dark Lord is dead, and his followers have been left to rot behind bars. Lo and behold, Harry Potter is beginning to miss the thrill of having Death breathe down his neck. His boredom is hardly surprising: his solution, however, is nothing short of show-stopping. Post-DH, departure from Epilogue.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 11,975 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 52 - Updated: 7/26/2015 - Published: 11/23/2014 - [Harry P., Ginny W.] Ron W., Kreacher