Cillit Bang Bang
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Joined 03-23-14, id: 5609847, Profile Updated: 04-09-14
Author has written 2 stories for Harry Potter.

Still the best western theme ever created

(And Tarantino paying homage to it made me very, very happy indeed)

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Reign of the Serpent by AlphaEph19 reviews
AU. Salazar Slytherin once left Hogwarts in disgrace, vowing to return. He kept his word. A thousand years later he rules Wizarding Britain according to the principles of blood purity, with no end to his reign in sight. The spirit of rebellion kindles slowly, until the green-eyed scion of a broken House and a Muggleborn genius with an axe to grind unite to set the world ablaze.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 22 - Words: 217,358 - Reviews: 658 - Favs: 1,250 - Follows: 1,751 - Updated: 6/6 - Published: 10/21/2013 - Harry P., Hermione G.
Harry the Hufflepuff by BajaB reviews
Luckily, lazy came up in Petunia's tirades slightly more often than freak, otherwise, this could have been a very different story. AU. Not your usual Hufflepuff!Harry story.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 29,190 - Reviews: 1477 - Favs: 8,158 - Follows: 2,671 - Updated: 3/12 - Published: 11/10/2010 - Harry P. - Complete
Applied Cultural Anthropology, or by jacobk reviews
... How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cruciatus. Albus Dumbledore always worried about the parallels between Harry Potter and Tom Riddle. But let's be honest, Harry never really had the drive to be the next dark lord. Of course, things may have turned out quite differently if one of the other muggle-raised Gryffindors wound up in Slytherin instead.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 19 - Words: 168,240 - Reviews: 3225 - Favs: 5,656 - Follows: 7,179 - Updated: 8/31/2017 - Published: 4/26/2013 - Hermione G., Severus S.
You're Buggered, Siriusly! by Leiste15 reviews
Sirius breaks out of Azkaban two years before schedule. He's pissed, half-mad and prepared to do anything to protect his Godson. He's going to make the Wizarding world pay for the hell it put him through- and have some fun along the way, of course! Super! Sirius, Dark Lord! Sirius, but not evil. No slash. May include ships later. Mainly from Sirius' (and Harry's) point of view. AU.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 116,239 - Reviews: 155 - Favs: 481 - Follows: 715 - Updated: 7/13/2016 - Published: 10/19/2013 - Harry P., Sirius B.
Magical Relations by evansentranced reviews
AU First Year onward: Harry's relatives were shocked when the Hogwarts letters came. Not because Harry got into Hogwarts. They had expected that. But Dudley, on the other hand...That had been a surprise. Currently in 5th year. *Reviews contain SPOILERS!*
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 71 - Words: 269,602 - Reviews: 5791 - Favs: 6,806 - Follows: 8,432 - Updated: 3/9/2016 - Published: 3/18/2007 - Harry P., Dudley D.
Palimpsest by Larry Huss reviews
Hermione gets some of the answers early. She has trouble understanding what all the questions are.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 17 - Words: 114,963 - Reviews: 870 - Favs: 1,472 - Follows: 1,765 - Updated: 1/31/2016 - Published: 5/18/2012 - Hermione G., Harry P.
The Application Process by Type-00 reviews
Fred and George have judged Malfoy and found him wanting. With the Triwizard Tournament about to start, and all eyes on Hogwarts, they decide to contribute by helping Harry find a new rival more appropriate to his skill level. From quidditch superstars to first year fanboys, no one is turned away from trying to rival the great Harry Potter.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 35,612 - Reviews: 118 - Favs: 332 - Follows: 371 - Updated: 1/29/2016 - Published: 12/25/2012 - Fred W., Harry P., George W.
Seventh Horcrux by Emerald Ashes reviews
The presence of a foreign soul may have unexpected side effects on a growing child. I am Lord Volde...Harry Potter. I'm Harry Potter. In which Harry is insane, Hermione is a Dark Lady-in-training, Ginny is a minion, and Ron is confused.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 21 - Words: 104,212 - Reviews: 1392 - Favs: 6,684 - Follows: 3,197 - Updated: 2/3/2015 - Published: 9/7/2014 - Harry P. - Complete
To the Waters and the Wild by Paimpont reviews
While flying back from Godric's Hollow, Hagrid accidentally drops baby Harry over a wild forest. Harry is raised by rebel fairies until his Hogwarts letter arrives. The Dark Lord is in for a surprise... HP/LV romance. SLASH.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 62,146 - Reviews: 5709 - Favs: 9,824 - Follows: 11,051 - Updated: 2/21/2014 - Published: 4/3/2012 - Harry P., Voldemort
Bug on a Wire by jacobk reviews
Taylor Hebert wanted to be a hero, but she never really planned out how she was going to get there. If she had been a little more proactive before putting on a costume things would have gone differently, that's for sure. Better? Well, that's a different question.
Worm - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 41,602 - Reviews: 168 - Favs: 675 - Follows: 818 - Updated: 11/17/2013 - Published: 10/13/2013 - Skitter, Shadow Stalker
A Matter of House by Emerald Ashes reviews
In which Bellatrix Black and Molly Prewett were sorted into Hufflepuff, and the world changed ever-so-slightly.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Family - Chapters: 12 - Words: 24,346 - Reviews: 195 - Favs: 578 - Follows: 159 - Updated: 8/13/2013 - Published: 7/16/2013 - Bellatrix L., Molly W. - Complete
Granger Danger by FlitterFlutterFly reviews
The Grangers move into 6 Privet Drive. For young Harry and Hermione, nothing is the same after that. Ravenclaw!Harry. Ravenclaw!Hermione. No Pairings. Functions as a complete three-shot alternate start to Harry Potter, but technically discontinued.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 18,061 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 514 - Follows: 632 - Updated: 8/9/2013 - Published: 7/21/2013 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
Out of the Fire and into the Cupboard by HalfASlug reviews
There's a reason that adults don't usually play hide and seek - especially when they are nothing more than overgrown children.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,731 - Reviews: 175 - Favs: 1,045 - Follows: 188 - Published: 7/24/2013 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G., Ginny W. - Complete
Harry amidst the Vaults of Stone by NothingPretentious reviews
Following the fall of Voldemort, it is up to the Gringotts goblins to carry out the terms of the Potters' will. What will happen when young Harry Potter - halfblood, Parselmouth, curse-scarred, outsider - is raised in the stalagmite city of Underfoot?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 28 - Words: 157,245 - Reviews: 2124 - Favs: 3,695 - Follows: 4,356 - Updated: 5/24/2013 - Published: 2/23/2011 - Harry P.
Professor Riddle and the Quest for Tenure by Zalgo Jenkins reviews
More than two decades ago, Headmaster Dippet made the fateful decision to hire Tom Riddle as an associate Hogwarts professor. And now, at last, Riddle's double life as Lord Voldemort is threatening to bring the Wizarding World to its knees…if only he can convince his students to leave him alone.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 17,949 - Reviews: 122 - Favs: 430 - Follows: 471 - Updated: 1/1/2013 - Published: 11/15/2012 - Voldemort
A Reluctant Hufflepuff by Horrorshow Jane reviews
"If you're thinking that I'm not going to put you in Slytherin, then you're quite right," sniffed the Hat, sounding somewhat vindictively gleeful. "The house which actually suits you best is—HUFFLEPUFF!"
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 62,833 - Reviews: 204 - Favs: 343 - Follows: 381 - Updated: 12/17/2012 - Published: 8/9/2011 - Draco M.
When In Doubt, Obliviate by Sarah1281 reviews
When a chance meeting reveals Harry's planned fate to Lockhart, he knows what he has to do: rescue him and raise him as his own to properly manage his celebrity status. Harry gets a magical upbringing, Lockhart gets the Boy-Who-Lived...everybody wins!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 38 - Words: 114,644 - Reviews: 2695 - Favs: 2,953 - Follows: 1,902 - Updated: 8/22/2012 - Published: 1/8/2011 - Harry P., Gilderoy L. - Complete
Enlightened! by Rumour of an Alchemist reviews
An alternate universe where the worlds of Harry Potter and of secret global conspiracies collide. Parody! Rated T just to be on the safe side.
Crossover - Misc. Games & Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,887 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 35 - Published: 5/15/2012 - Harry P. - Complete
Hero Worship by Kaia Papaya reviews
Dumbledore visited Harry at the Dursleys to deliver his Hogwarts letter, rather than leave it to fate. What he found distressed him immensely and he made a few suggestions to Harry that will have long lasting implications. Features a flummoxed Dumbledore.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 13,419 - Reviews: 105 - Favs: 254 - Follows: 412 - Updated: 3/8/2012 - Published: 10/16/2009 - Harry P., Severus S.
A Safe Place to Hide by Flaignhan reviews
She had asked for a safe place to hide, and she had been given just that.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 14 - Words: 35,876 - Reviews: 617 - Favs: 1,571 - Follows: 397 - Updated: 2/7/2011 - Published: 11/4/2010 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr. - Complete
Escape to Darkness by kmfrank reviews
After Voldemort's resurrection, Harry awakens to a cold stone floor. After years of toiling with a "reformed" dark wizard willing to aid his revenge, Harry escapes from Nurmengard and finds that the Wizarding world has changed...
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 49,065 - Reviews: 444 - Favs: 1,567 - Follows: 1,975 - Updated: 9/9/2010 - Published: 1/24/2009 - Harry P., Gellert G.
The Thief of Hogwarts by bluminous8 reviews
Summary: AU Young Harry learns to steal as he is fed up from his deprivation of his wants and needs by his guardians. A Thief is born in Privet Drive.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 19 - Words: 105,046 - Reviews: 3943 - Favs: 10,073 - Follows: 9,394 - Updated: 6/22/2010 - Published: 7/7/2009 - Harry P.
insurgere by Silver Pard reviews
Hufflepuff is the house of the leftovers, the losers, the forgotten. Well, Tom Riddle thinks, it's time to change that.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,414 - Reviews: 480 - Favs: 3,282 - Follows: 605 - Published: 3/27/2010 - Tom R. Jr. - Complete
The Inner Eye of Harry Potter by jbern reviews
Imagine Harry Potter raised under the guiding hand of Sibyll Trelawney. He arrives at Hogwarts versed in the higher arts of Divination, Arithmancy, Numerology, and Palmistry - you know 'real magic.' Prepare yourself for one humorous ride.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 39,566 - Reviews: 935 - Favs: 2,378 - Follows: 2,415 - Updated: 2/12/2010 - Published: 4/3/2009 - Harry P., Sybill T.
Restricted by Flaignhan reviews
What harm ever came from reading a book? TRHG
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 16 - Words: 35,491 - Reviews: 636 - Favs: 1,901 - Follows: 373 - Updated: 1/2/2009 - Published: 12/3/2008 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr. - Complete
Culture Shock by Ruskbyte reviews
Harry Potter has just received his Hogwarts letter, but really doesn’t want to go. After all, who would want to live on a planet? Especially one where the natives think nuclear energy is high science. And let’s not forget the 42,000 lightyear commute.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 72,186 - Reviews: 1388 - Favs: 3,232 - Follows: 3,535 - Updated: 9/30/2008 - Published: 1/1/2008 - Harry P.
The Orphan: Book One by SafirePhoenix reviews
Uninspiring title aside, this story includes mischief, mayhem, and a lot of humor. Harry Potter returns to the Wizarding World with a chip on his shoulder and a few smart-mouthed sidekicks. Slytherin really is the only option in that case, and Hogwarts had better watch out. ON HIATUS
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 83,696 - Reviews: 1114 - Favs: 1,059 - Follows: 1,162 - Updated: 11/11/2007 - Published: 3/24/2005 - Harry P., Blaise Z., Theodore N.
Fugitives of Azkaban by BajaB reviews
A 'Harry goes to Azkaban' story. Convicted for releasing the Basilisk from the Chamber of Secrets, Harry is put into a cell next to the most feared wizard in the world, Sirius Black. AU 3rd year, canon pairings, no Deathly Hallows.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 65,347 - Reviews: 1140 - Favs: 3,475 - Follows: 1,514 - Updated: 9/11/2007 - Published: 6/15/2007 - Harry P., Sirius B. - Complete
Nothing by Flaignhan reviews
It's supposed to smell differently to each of us, according to what attracts us.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 659 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 338 - Follows: 32 - Published: 8/17/2007 - Tom R. Jr. - Complete
Just a Random Tuesday… by Twisted Biscuit reviews
A VERY long Tuesday in the life of Minerva McGonagall. With rampant Umbridgeitis, uncooperative Slytherins, Ministry interventions, an absent Dumbledore and a schoolwide shortage of Hot Cocoa, it’s a wonder she’s as nice as she is.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 58,525 - Reviews: 482 - Favs: 2,073 - Follows: 356 - Updated: 10/1/2006 - Published: 8/26/2006 - Minerva M., Dolores U. - Complete
WWP Presents: Giantus Pratus by evansentranced reviews
Sequel to HOS. Third Year, Fredn'George give film making another go. This time, their target is none other than the Giantus Pratus of Slytherin: Draco Malfoy. Among others. Crack!fic
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,332 - Reviews: 84 - Favs: 301 - Follows: 78 - Updated: 6/11/2006 - Published: 1/23/2006 - George W., Draco M. - Complete
Expidence by Dyce reviews
COMPLETE. A very alternative universe, in which one word in the wrong ear sets off a very different train of events from the canon. SSNM
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 13,296 - Reviews: 91 - Favs: 197 - Follows: 52 - Updated: 8/16/2005 - Published: 8/6/2005 - Narcissa M., Severus S. - Complete
WWP Presents: The Heir of Slytherin by evansentranced reviews
"Heir of Slytherin! Seriously evil wizard coming through!" "Yeah, he's off to the Chamber of Secrets for a cup of tea with his fanged servant!" Watch as Harry is stalked by Fred and George, film makers Extraordinaire. Crack!fic
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,528 - Reviews: 150 - Favs: 726 - Follows: 158 - Updated: 6/5/2005 - Published: 6/4/2005 - Harry P., George W. - Complete
Rise and Die! by Fluff reviews
Draco and Hermione wake up one sunny morning just to discover that they're married, thanks to a crazy night of drinking. So they had a great night, but what about a great rest of their lives? Not if they can help it!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 28,387 - Reviews: 820 - Favs: 352 - Follows: 208 - Updated: 12/4/2004 - Published: 3/21/2004 - Draco M., Hermione G.
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

HP One-Shot Gallery reviews
Short pieces that were fun to write, but don't really suffice as a basis for full, multi-chapter stories.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 5,975 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 10/26/2015 - Published: 8/31/2014
Compound Interest reviews
Vernon Dursley is an ambitious man. And when he finds a freak at his front door, he opts to see it not as a burden, but as an opportunity. An opportunity that shall provide him with rich rewards in due time.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 11 - Words: 44,819 - Reviews: 199 - Favs: 454 - Follows: 775 - Updated: 10/3/2014 - Published: 5/26/2014 - Harry P., Hermione G., Justin F., Susan B.