Vamplady20
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Joined 04-04-14, id: 5638219, Profile Updated: 11-09-14
Author has written 1 story for Misc. Books.

Hey this is Vamplady20

ENJOY!!! AND LOVE SUGAR...IT MAKES YOU HYPER=D!!!!


There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.


The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...


I live in a world of Rainbows, hearts and Unicorns. The rainbow is only in shades of grey and black, The hearts are broken and bleeding and the unicorn are cutting them selves with their horns... All in all it's my perfect life=D


I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you idiot."


Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.


Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.


Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat.


A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. But a best friend will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?"

A FRIEND WILL BACK UP A LIE! A BEST FRIEND WILL SWEAR TO IT IN COURT

A FRIEND WILL TRY TO STOP YOU FROM FIGHTING A STRANGER FOR LOOKING AT YOU WRONG A BEST FRIEND WILL BE UP IN THE STRANGERS FACE BEFORE YOU CAN GET UP

A FRIEND WILL TELL YOU WHEN YOU HAVE A BOOGER HANIGING OUT OF YOUR NOSE A BEST FRIEND WILL LAUGH AND POINT AT YOU TILL YOU GET SO PISSED YOU HIT THEM.

a good friend will cheer you up when people piss you off; a best friend will help bury the bodies of the people who pissed you off.

a good friend helps you up if you trip, but a best friend just stands there laughing beause they tripped you


A girl and a guy were speeding over 100 mph on a motorcycle.

Girl: Slow down, i'm scared.

Guy: No. This is fun.

Girl: No it's not. Please, i am scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you. Can you slow down now?

Guy: First give me a big hug.

She hugs him tightly.

Guy: Can you take my helmet off me and put it on you? It's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next morning, a motorcycle accident occurred because of break failure. Two people, and only one survived. The truth was, halfway down the road, the guy knew the breaks weren't working, but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him, and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then she had him put on his helmet so she could live, even if he didn't.


He gave her 12 roses, eleven were real, and one was fake. The he told her, "I'll love you until the last rose dies."

Today she still waits till the last rose dies.


Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"


Hoes Hate

Bitches Are Fake

Friends Relate

Best Friends Are The Ones Who are swinging at all three.

'Im Sorry I Cant Have You Back When Your Fighting...Cuz Ill Be In front Swinging For You!!"

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you're a girl and get sick and tired of guys assuming that you're weak and can’t fight, copy and paste this into your profile


Bella:Do I ever cross ur mind?

Edward: No.

Bella: Do you like me?

Edward: Not really.

Bella: Do you want me?

Edward: No.

Bella: Would you cry if I left?

Edward: No.

Bella: Would you live for me?

Edward: No.

Bella: Would you do anything for me?

Edward: No.

Bella: Choose--me or your life

Edward: My life...

Bella runs away in shock and pain and Edward runs after her and says...

"The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life."


The man who says that he doesn't deserve you...is the man who deserves you the most

A true friend walks in when the rest of the world walk out & she's the girl with her middle finger in the air because for the first time she doesn't care

sometimes people put walls up not because to keep people out...but to see who cares enough to tear them down!

Look I don't have a short attention span i just...Oh Look Kitty!

Don't fall for anyone unless they're willing to catch you...

She's my best friend break her heart and I'll break your face

Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everythings okay, hold back the tears and walk away


Best friends don't let you do stupid things...alone

A friend would lend their umbrella in the rain but a best friend would take yours and say "RUN BITCH RUN!"


I love my Crazy-Goofy-Stupid-Gorgeous-Weird-Lame-Socially Challenged FRIENDS


Love your enemies it pisses them off!


U-Utterly different

N-Not normal

I-Independent

Q-Questions words 'Alike' and 'Same'

U-Understands people different

E-Extemely good hearted, even though some of us needs ours to be mended


Her name was Auroura
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endore

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly crys
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
" God, why? Why is
My life always sinking? "

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
" You deserve to die
You worthless pest! "

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

If you hate child abuse then repost this on your profile. If you don't then you have no soul!!


I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.

She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.'

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.'

His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.'

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.'

'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.'

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check
Again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'

Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''

'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

'My mommy loves white roses.'

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started.

I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.

And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.


Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favourite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cried (or did cry) post this in your profile.


My name is Sarah

I am but three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong

Or else I'm locked up

All the day long

When I awake I'm all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll get just

One whipping tonight

Don't make a sound!

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse

My name he calls

I press myself

Against the wall.

I try and hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping

He shouts ugly words,

He says its my fault

That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And I run for the door.

He's already locked it

And I started to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream

But its now much too late

His face has been twisted

Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

Oh please God, have mercy!

Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah

And I am but three,

Tonight my daddy,

Murdered me.

Put this in your profile if you think that child abuse is wrong


How to Tell if You're a Writer
-If you talk to yourself.
-If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. 'I wonder why I talk to myself ch?')
-If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. 'Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word 'deliver' could mean someone's liver?')
-If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, 'Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!'
-If you live off of sugar and caffeine.
-If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.
-If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
-If, when replying to someone else's e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.
-If you tend to collect the Bic Stics people leave lying around, kind of like picking pennies off the ground.
-If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.
-If the letters are starting to wear off on the keys of your keyboard.
-If people think you might have A.D.D.
-If you think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.
-If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense.
-If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no 'apparent' reason.
-If your friends don't even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason.
-And finally, the number one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.
Copy and Paste this if you're a writer


15 Things to do when you're in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look."

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!

15.Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!"


FUNNY THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR

1.When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4.Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

5.Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

6.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.

9.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

11.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12.Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

15.Swat at flies that don't exist.

16.Tell people that you can see their aura.

17.Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

18.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

26.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"

27.When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "9") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker!"

28.Whistle the first seven notes of "Its a Small World" incessantly.

29.Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.

30.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

31.Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

32.Meow occasionally.

33.Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

34.Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

35.When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"

36.Say "Ding!" at each floor.

37.Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

38.Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."


IN THE CINEMA: Wait for it to go quiet and then stand up loudly and yell "I can't find the remote to change the channel!"


Reasons why girls are the best

1.We got off the Titanic first

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

16. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

17. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

18. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

19. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

20. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

21. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

22. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

23. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

24. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

25. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

26. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark


Friend: Will bail me out of jail
Best friend: Would be in the room next to me saying, THAT WAS AWESOME , LETS DO IT AGAIN!!

Friend: Will comfort me when he breaks up with me
Best friend: Will call him, whispering "Seven days..."

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost
Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive
Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away
Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down
Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will go to a concert with me
Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Will comfort me when he breaks my heart
Best Friend: Will help me plot my revenge and get with his best friend

Friend: Calls your parents by Mr. and Mrs.
Best friend: Calls your parents dad and mom.

Friend: Has never seen you cry
Best Friend: Has always had the best shoulder to cry on

Friend: Never asks for anything to eat or drink
Best friend: Opens the fridge and makes herself at home

Friend: Asks you to write down your number.
Best friend : They ask you for their number (cuz they can't remember it)

Friend: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back
Best friend: Has a closet full of your stuff

Friend: Only knows a few things about you
Best friend: Could write a biography on your life

Friend: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing
Best friend: Will always go with you

Friend: Will help you find your prince.
Best friend: Will kidnap him and brings him to you.

Friend: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
Best friend: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

Friend: Will offer you a soda.
Best friend: Will dump theirs on you.

Friend: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
Best friend: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

Friend: Will give you their umbrella in the rain.
Best friend: Will take yours and say, "Run - beep - run!"

Friend: Will help you move.
Best friend: Will help you move the bodies.

Friend: Will console you when you house catches on fire.
Best friend: Will roast marshmallows and flirt with the firemen.

Friend: Will ask why you're crying.
Best friend: Will already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry.

Friend: Will tell you she knows how you feel.
Best friend: Will just sit down and cry.

Friend: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
Best friend: Will already know not to tell.

Friend: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
Best friend: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!

Friend: Will never ask for food.
Best friend: Is the reason you have no food.

Friend: Will knock on your front door.
Best friend: Will walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

Friend: Will say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
Best friend: Will not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what's wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

Friend: Will say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
Best friend: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

Friend: Hides me from the cops
Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public
Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.


Natural Highs
Think about them one at a time before going on to the next one. It Does Make You Feel Good, especially #45.

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15 The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you
19 Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say somethi ng nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the _expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter


(I got this from Randomitis Sufferer, who got this from BellaRide28. It's also on St. Fang of Boredom's profile, who also got it from Randomitis Sufferer.)

One of my best friends died recently; I'm really upset. He was such a great guy and I miss him. Maybe you knew of him. Most people did. I hope it wasn't you who contributed to his death, otherwise I shall dispatch a vicious band of lions to disembowel you. Okay, I don't have a troupe of lions at my disposal, but I can find one, trust me. My friend was a paragon of amazing. His name was Common Sense. I am sorry to inform you of his demise. Mourn with me.

Dearly beloved…we gather here to say our goodbyes. Here he lies…

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate and teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Rest In Peace, my old friend.


If you rearrange the following words, you'll find that the same letters spell the given definition. Someone out there either has too much
spare time, or is really good at Scrabble.

Dormitory: Dirty room

Astronomer: Moon starer

George Bush: He bugs Gore

The eyes: They see

Slot machine: Cash lost in me

Desperation: A rope ends it

Presbyterian: Best in prayer

Election results: Lies! Let's recount

Snooze alarm: Alas! no more z's

Eleven plus two: Twelve plus one

Mother in law: Woman Hitler

The Morse code: Here come dots

A decimal point: I'm a dot in place


This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination.
SUPPORT THE BUNNY! HEHE!

This is Duckie. Copy Duckie into your profile to help him on his way to stealing world domination from Bunny. After Duckie has taken over the world, Piggie will take it over from him. Then Froggie will take it over from him.


The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As Part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped if favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 2 letters shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments wil enkourage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be droped from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad yu smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Some of my friends actually took this seriously. If you had a good laugh or if you just think it's funny, copy and paste it into your profile, and pass it onto others who could have a good laugh.


.: There's three ways to do things:.
.: The right way :.
.: The wrong way :.
.: And my way, which is wrong too, but faster!:.


Boys say that in everything they do, they can kick a girl's butt so bad that they cry. If you're a girl who kicks the boys' butts so bad they cry like girls, copy this into your profile and add your name. Moonstar of FireClan, Flamestar, Samishi Destiny, Silverstar's Shadow, Darkangel24700, iLoVeMoOnYnPaDfOoT, Someone aka Me,Yourcool79, Give up your Prejudices, MyNameIsCAB, chibi-sarus, hawkstar2, CrazyLittleKookoo, Vera A, Vamplady20


For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework insted of doing it. Crazy is when you draw Edward's face and hot bod all over your Advanced Placement United States History notes when you should be concentrating on the APUSH final the next day.Crazy is when you run into a pole and say as your excuse you were daydreaming about your fictionl boyfriend Edward. Crazy is screaming everytime you hear the name Edward because you think Jacob is 10 times better. HAHA! -laughs at Edward fangirls- --That's Crazy, too. Crazy is when you're not paying attention when the teacher is rambling and you think of something funny from the other day that you don't realize is funny til that moment and you burst into hysterical laughter and the entire class turns around and stares at you and you look the other way and pretend you don't notice. Crazy is when you star in your own movie and pretend to be an assassin... multiple times. Crazy is when you scream for no reason or sing nursery rymes. Crazy is when you hear the Twilight Characters voices in your head. Crazy is when stare at the ceiling for three hours thinking of what to put in the next chapter of your fanfiction and then forget what book it's based on. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!


92 percent of American teens would die if Fang told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would tell Fang to get over himself and then shove him back in your basement where he belongs. Then, you would resurrect the 92 percent of overzealous fangirls and use them as your zombie army to take over Canada and rename it Canadia where you would rule as Queen with Fang by your side as your extremely hot king who has no real political power except to stand there and make you look good and then have Spiffy the Hobbit and Pooky the Penguin attempt to eat him and when they fail miserably tell Fang that he's a "bad boy" and then ask him if he wants a cat.


98 percent of teens can walk without running into walls. If you're in the 2 percent that can't, post this in your profile.


My ceiling is white. I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two mooses meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Chocolate tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy this into your profile!

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.


If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile.

If you ever tripped over your own feet, copy this into your profile.

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend than copy this to your profile.

If you have ever ran into a tree, copy and paste this into your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile

If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever wanted to go into a book and slap/scream at a character copy and paste this onto your profile

If you are like Nudge, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you still laugh re-reading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you want to see Maximum Ride (the movie) on the first day it comes out, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have an increasingly sophisticated and extensive vocabulary, situate this in your characterization

If you love Max Ride and cannot live without it, post this in your profile.

If FAX is your drug, post this on your profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever repeatedly ran into a glass door copy this into your profile

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile

If you love Max Ride and cannot live without it, post this in your profile.

If you have a secret that nobody knows copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you relate everything to Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you still laugh rereading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you absolutely KILLED yourself laughing when Gazzy said "'I vill now destroy de Snickurs bahrs!' then copy this to your profile!

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever imagined killing off a fictional character to steal her fictional boyfriend, copy this in your profile

If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

IF YOU'VE EVER LEAPED DOWN THE HALLWAY OF A HOTEL AND TURNED THE CORNER AND SAW PEOPLE STARING AT YOU COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been pushed into an ice-cold pool copy and paste this into your profile

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, post this in your profile.

If you've ever randomly fallen out of your chair, copy this into your profile

If you are obsessed with Fanfiction, then copy this into your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

IF YOU’VE BEEN ON THE COMPUTER FOR HOURS ON END, READING NUMEROUS FANFICTIONS, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects...copy this into your profile.

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever worn stilettos so you could use them as a weapon, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you know the meaning of the word "penultimate", copy and paste this to your profile.

If you can solve a Rubik's cube without using a fork, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you laughed out loud while reading Maximum Ride, copy this onto your profile.

If you go through profiles like mad, looking at all of the copy/pastey-thingies, and copy/paste every single one that has a remote chance of being interesting, fill up your profile to the limit, and continue doing it, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you screamed like a little kid when you found out a Maximum Ride movie was coming out, copy this onto your profile. (Yeah, I squealed like a child on Christmas... So sue me, alright?)

If Faxness is one of your obsessions, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile.

If you risk severe lower back problems because of being hunched over the computer so long, copy and paste this into your profile then get off the goddamn computer, Quasimodo!

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like two reviews, copy this into your profile.

If you love copy and paste its, even though there useless, copy this in your profile.

If you have ever tripped where there is a ‘watch your step’ sign, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run up a down escalator copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think the Coa-Coa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you're a perfectionist and it gets you in trouble more times than humans have created a number for, copy this into your profile.

If you compulsively edit other people's work , copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.

If you're often confused for a shy and quiet person (but definitely aren't), copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

If you've met your not-blood related twin (in resemblance or personality), copy and paste this in your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

IF YOU HAVE EVER BURST OUT LAUGHING ABOUT SOMETHING IN A BOOK, AND PEOPLE LOOKED AT YOU WEIRD, COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freaking Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever run down an "up" escalator, paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever run up a "down" escalator, paste this into your profile.

If you are counting the days until the New Moon movie comes out copy and paste this into your profile.

If you sometimes forget to breathe while reading Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever wondered who made up all the 'copy this into your profile' thingies then COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever ran into a parked car, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think Stephenie Meyer is one of the best writers in existence, copy this into your profile.

If you think Mike Newton should be run over by a bus copy and paste this into your profile

If you think that bus should also take out Eric copy and paste this into your profile

If you think just for the heck of it that bus should also take out Jessica and Lauren copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever shouted out the first thing that comes to mind, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever shouted out random thing and then gotten glared at copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have sudden mood changes out of nowhere copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're crazy and you know it, don't just clap your hands, but copy and past this into your profile!

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a window copy this onto your profile

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever yelled at an inanimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If that inatimate object now hates you more because you yelled at it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are in lala land most of the time copy this into your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If you forgot your phone number when some one asks for it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever been looking for something, then forgot what it was and why it was so important, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a mind that you're sure no one will understand, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile

If, for no reason, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you think it's stupid that girls are automatically labeled with the color pink, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are such a loser that you actually read all these 'If you ever blah blah blah, copy this into your profile' things, copy this into your profile

If you can't stand preppy people who talk like this: "I, like, can't believe, I, like, chipped my manicure!!", copy and paste this into your profile.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are so cool that you actually read through all of these copy this into your profile!!

If you've ever felt like something was watching you and then turned around to find nothing, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a little voice inside your head that talks to you constantly and won't shut up, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever been in an awkward situation before paste this.

If you like rollercoasters paste this.

Put this in your profile if you know a person or two who needs to get squished by a bus... or Tyler Crowley's van

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you always say 'uhhh...' when someone questions you, instead of replying shortly, copy/paste this into your profile.

If you or someone you know has ever run through something (glass door, window, wall, etc) copy this to your profile.

If you have an annoying younger --or older-- sibling, please copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever wondered why someone decided to milk a cow, copy/paste this into your profile.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile

If you think that I think that you think that I think that you think that I am totally spazzing out right now with the 'If you thinks' copy this to your profile already!

If you think that life without computers is useless, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever choked on air (or any other substance you thought impossible to choke on), copy this in your profile.

If you believe that the pink bunnies of doom are really out to get you copy and paste this onto your profile

If you start to freak out when you can't find one of your copies of Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, or Breaking Dawn when really you haven't lost it but your evil sadistic bunny of a sister thought it would be funny to hide them from you just so she could see you freak out, copy and paste this to your profile. (I'm constantly freaking! My sister has Tw, NM, and BD with her three hundred miles away in Florida!)

If, when you have a girl, you'll seriously consider naming her Isabella...copy/paste this into your profile. (Actually, it'd be more based on the fact one of my best friend's name is Bella... but still. :)

If you have ever been so obsessed with Twilight, that whenever you hear thunder, you think of vampires playing baseball...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever heard the voices of the characters of the book you're reading in your head...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen out of a chair backwards...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over a WATCH YOUR STEP sign...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell and hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile.

If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile.

If you think Aro acts like a creepy camp councilor, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have an iPod and love rocking out to it, post this in your profile

If you have ever tripped over a person, copy this into your profile.

If you run into inanimate objects...and then blame them for it copy and paste this in your profile

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever burst out laughing in a detention or library or somewhere where it is supposed to be quiet copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don’t dance to avoid injury to yourself and those around you, copy this into your profile.

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If random songs just pop into your head at any given moment, from 'I've Been Working On the Railroad', to the Animorphs version of the Barney song (I hate you, you hate me, we're an alien family ect. Personally, I like this version better) to your most favorite song ever, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If someone gave you money for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever read/started to read a chapter in a fan fiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

IF YOU ARE ON A MAJOR SUGAR RUSH RIGHT NOW COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE

If you have a weird habit of writing inside jokes somewhere anyone can see, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile

If you could easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile. (Okay, not certain at all whether means "write" or "read".)

If you're too busy petting your cat and/or reading fanfiction to finish one novel a day, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, TV show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever run into a mirror, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If yoo cant spel too sav yoor lyfe than putt thes in yoor profiele

If you agree, that purple bunnies who are high on CATNIP and eat TACOS WILL rule the world, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're one of those people who get excited when the ice cream truck comes down your street copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tried to re-enact 9/11 with building blocks, put this in your profile.

If you are Homo sapiens, put this in your profile.

If you use both Firefox and IE at the same time, put this in your profile.

If you know more than 3 programming languages, put this in your profile.

If you love irritating people with these annoying copy and paste things, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have total blonde moments copy this into your profile

If you've ever screamed at a book or the TV copy this!

If you've ever done the evil laugh copy this onto your profile

If you've ever started singing in a silent room copy this onto your profile


PONDER THIS

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops On my desk, I have a work station. Shouldn't that be where the work stops?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do...write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?
If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?
Why is it that 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, it's encouraged!?
Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?
Isn't it weird how the main characters in Maximum Ride and Dark Angel are both genetically recombinant beings named Max?
If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
Can bald men get lice?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse
Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?
Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?
Why is it called common sense if it's so rare?


Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed - I'm not a can, so don't label me.

Excuse me...have you seen my sanity?...I think I lost it.

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...

STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies natural desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.

I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I see regular people!

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

One day, will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Silence is golden and duct tape is silver.

When life gives you lemons throw them in life's face, they're probably poisoned.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world wonder how you did it.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk

I've got A.D.D and magic markers, oh the thrills I will have!

Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?

It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is - why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going, and hook up with them later.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

If you can't fix it with duck tape you haven't used enough!

I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on eBay.

There is no "I" in team but there is definitely a "ME"...

I ran with scissors, and lived!

Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous.

I agree with the dictionary: girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

There are three kinds of people in the world: ones that can count and ones that can't count.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends, for I may not return alive.

I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do, kill me?

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Don’t mess with me - I've got a stick.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls.

I smile cause I don't know what the hell is going on.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Keep smiling - it makes everyone wonder what your up too

I am NOT saying you're stupid...I'm just implying it.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

I'm the kind of girl who would get fired at the M&M's company for eating most of them.

I'm the kind of girl who's not afraid to prank my friends.

If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday.

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

When in doubt, push random buttons!

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking.

You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it.

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.

There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.

I'm not as dumb as you look.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

Writing isn't a career, it's more of a mental illness.

Anything thrown hard enough should hurt.

Curiosity killed the cat, satisfaction brought him back, but stupidity killed him again.

Flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Some say the glass is half full, some say it's half empty, I say, "Are you gonna drink that?"

All people have the right to stupidity but some people abuse the privilege.

The trouble with life, is there's no background music.

A clean house is a sign of a broken computer!

Do not walk behind me for I may not lead, do not walk in front of me for I may not follow, do not walk beside me either. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

I don't get even, I get odder.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then throw it back at life and steal the oranges you asked for!

In order to lose your mind, you have to have one in the first place.

I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I could repeat them exactly.

You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium, my work here is done.

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear into my crib.

At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote.


Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you,
But the roses are wilting,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty,
And so is your head.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed


REMEMBER WHEN ..
getting HiGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was c0otiEs?
when your W0RST ENEMiES were your siblings
and rAcE iSsuEs were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?


For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid and stuck up.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandal
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be going out with them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm a SKATER so I MUST do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I MUST be stupid and stuck up.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I DON'T LIKE to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I READ COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and A MURDERER!
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos.
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON"T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having
problems
I don't HAVE MANY FRIENDS, so I MUST be antisocial.
I have a guy best friend, so I MUST be going out with him.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash

I SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetish.
I'm a good actor/actress, so I MUST be a liar
.
I'm a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone's ass.
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant.
I'm a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict.
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian.
I'm a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie.
I'm INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs.
I'm a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life.
I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up
.
I have GREEN SKIN, so I MUST be a wicked witch.
I'm DIFFERENT, so I MUST just want attention.
I'm an ACTOR/ACTRESS, so I MUST be mean
.
I'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports
I like CATS, so I MUST dance like a cat in my spare time
.
I SPEAK GERMAN, so I MUST be a psycho Nazi
I WEAR GLASSES, so I MUST be a nerd
I'm HALF ASIAN HALF BRITISH, so I MUST be short
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST be rebellious
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser
.
I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals
I'm a DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I HAVE a BIG FAMILY siblings, so WE MUST be financially challenged
I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention
I COPIED AND PASTED THIS INTO MY PROFILE, so I MUST be a plagiarist.
I FROWN a lot, so I MUST have a bad life
I get BAD GRADES, so I MUST be a slacker who doesn't try
I'm a JEW, so I MUST hate all Germans
I like to listen to HANNAH MONTANA, so I MUST be childish and immature
I am POLITE to TEACHERS, so I MUST be a teacher's pet.
I don't have a SOCIAL LABEL, so I MUST just be emo.
I like COUNTRY music, so I MUST be a redneck hick.
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.
I love SHOPPING so I MUST be rich
I like to READ, so I MUST be a nerd I'm BRITISH so MUST hate poor people

I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED


If your friends are as weird and maybe(if possible) weirder then you then copy this onto your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

If you have a scary crush on a book, anime or game character then copy this into your profile.

If you hear the voices of your characters in your head, please copy this into your profile.

If you love Yu-Gi-Oh so much, copy this to your profile!

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you cried when Atem left Yugi and his friends, copy this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this on your profile.

I'm an anime watcher/a manga reader, and I'm proud of it. If you are, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever busted a move/burst into song, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Yu-Gi-Oh that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingies, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

A large percent of authors do not know the difference between 'your' and 'you're' if you do know the difference, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you said it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you wish that a fictional character were real, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach, Gossip Girl or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've watched Yugioh Abridged by Little Kuriboh, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have WAY too much time on your hands and you’re on fanfiction.net with that time, copy and paste this in your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V. Show, video game, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy this into your profile.

If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you can imagine yourself in a video game/ manga/ or anime, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love Yu-Gi-Oh so much, copy this to your profile!

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have a wild imagination and it seems that no one appreciates it or doesn’t have an imagination for squat, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head on a table for no reason copy and paste this onto your profile.

Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who has not, copy this and paste it in your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent that aren't, copy this, put it in you profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki, Weasel Chick, Revenant666, dragonsroar, foxdude33, FallenLex, Soelle, aticiia, Parselmaster, AkatsukiKing, Burning Truth, FanficFemale, Suna No Ken, ThunderNinjaBird,

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good if you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

TRUE STORY

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 percent of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 percent of the people that read this won't repost it?

Please repost this if you believe this is a true story.

PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what, and if you stand up for him he will stand up for you.

If someone put a gun to your head, asked if you believed in God, and told you they would shoot you if you said yes, would you say yes? If you would, copy this into your profile.

WHEN I SAY I AM A CHRISTIAN

When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not shouting "I am saved" I'm whispering "I was lost! That is why I chose this way."

When I say..."I am a Christian" I don't speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble and need someone to be my guide.

When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I'm weak and pray for strength to carry on.

When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting I have failed and cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect, my flaws are too visible but God believes I'm worth it.

When I say..."I am a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain I have my share of heartaches which is why I seek His name.

When I say..."I am a Christian" I do not wish to judge. I have no authority. I only know I'm loved.

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.

In Honor of Jesus...

Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared him...

He won no military battles, yet he conquered the World...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today

Feel honored to serve such a leader who loves us...

If you believe in God and Jesus Christ his Son

then copy and paste this in your profile

If you ignore him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says...

" If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven..."

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.


"A Rape Story."

You are one fucking sick person if you dont repost this i feel for you if this dosent touch you because this is just wrong. read this. its disgusting

Walking in my nighty; rubbing my eyes My fathers sitting on the sofa with his friend He pats the seat in the middle; i sit Shivering so cold; a quilt he lends

"Jessy you love me dont you" a smile; his Their breathe spirts weep "Daddy you know i do; what is it?" He smiles at his friend; his hand creeps

His friend takes my hand; looks me in the eyes Daddys creeping up my nightie; cold hands I try to pull his hand away; grip is strong! They look at one another; nod; something planned

I feel my palms sweat; Daddys under my knickers "Daddy im going to bed! Night" Pulling again But there grip is to strong for weak me I look at both; and ask, who are these men?

His fingers going up me; pulling away His friend leans forward; a kiss? Why? His toungue moving mine; my eyes squint Lean back and away; "Why are you doing this?"

No answer, i feel the pain inside me; him Chucks the quilt on the floor; me to I try and scamper away, but im not fast "O Daddy please, i love you"

His friend; pulling at my nightie And my Dad pulling my pants down His friend pinning my hands to the floor As my Dad lies himself on the ground

I squirm; as Daddy friend pulls me up And places me ontop of Daddy; thrusts within I cry; i bite; i scratch; i slap; i fail "O Daddy please you win you win!"

I can feel my skin rip; my virginity breaking free I can feel the blood seep down my leg "Daddy your hurting me please" I plead to him and his friend; not even a beg

Daddys laughing; why does he laugh? His friend shoves himself in my mouth and moans Tieing my hands togather; moving in and out "Ride me Jessy" He laughs and groans

They smile at one another; laugh to They roll me over and spread me wide wel My daddy sits on my face; himself in again While his friend talks and pushes himself inside

I can hardly breathe; i gag for air I cough and splutter; cry and weep I beg and plead; but its no use Theyve already made me hurt and bleed

I stare into his eyes; that look upon me This is not my Dad; where is he? If he was still here; would he care Would he actually even; see?

Finally they get of and lie me on the sofa My cheeks blouchy from tears and pain They play with them selfs; all over me Rub it in; making me feel the shame

"Why Daddy? Please tell me why?" Dad looks at his friend; and waves him away "Jessy i love you" he smiles and kisses my cheek "Is that all you have in your heart to say?"

He puts my nightie on me I walks me to my bedroom door Ever since that night; His friend And himself every Friday come back for more

"Night sweet Girl; You are my life" Closing the door, tears still down my face Still the smell of him and his friend Fade into me like disgrace

I watch the Moon go down; the sun come up "Jessy its school" Knocking at my door I cant help but cry; weep in pain Because im so scared he wanted more

But one night daddy took it too far Daddy and his friend came back for one last shot They were worried they would get caught So he and his friend took me to a cemetary lot

I was blindfolded and my hands were tied back "Daddy please! Not tonight!" Daddy and his friend both had their last fun After that i tried to put up a fight

I begged daddy "Please no more!" All he could say "Shut up you stupid whore!" Daddy unblindfolded me at last He said I love you so much

He went back into the car and pulled out a bat "Daddy I swear I wont say a thing!" I was dead After only one swing...

Please if you care for all the children and women who have been raped repost this bulletin with the Headline "A Rape Story"


HOW COULD YOU? - By Jim Willis, 2001

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog ," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.
Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family, " but there was a time when I was your only family

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the 2 nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago & made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads & asked "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.

As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"

Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her . It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

A Note from the Author: If "How Could You?" brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American & Canadian animal shelters. Please use this to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that the decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, and encourage all spay & neuter camp aigns in order to prevent unwanted animals.


Please pass this on to everyone, not to hurt them or make them sad, but it could save maybe, even one, unwanted pet.


I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird, and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.

BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who can express herself better with words than with words, and knows the importance of the little things.

Copy and Paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are diffrent and unique can know in their weakest times that they are unique, but not alone. PrettyFanGirl, Truth Be Told 13, creative-writing-girl13, Jasper 1006, DubbleV,GwenFan22, Miss Peppy,Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocker, Fangalicious, Bellafan123, universe.disturber, XxThe Best Darn ThingxX,Alexandria Volturi, Sayian Danika,Light-Eco-Angel, Samara13, Scaevola2, Nordic Twin, ThunderNinjaBird,Vamplady20,


If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile :D ;3


The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

100. Finally, to keep my su

POST THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE IF YOU THINK HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG!!--

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.bjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.


95 percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the 5 percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, DxS Phreak, Hotduckgurl, OddObsessed, have-a-cookie, ShadowGirdo, Yellow14, Funny Cat, ThunderNinjaBird,Vamplady20,


I have weird friends. If you have weird friends too, add this to your profile/signature and add your name to the end of the list. DracoandHermione4life, ShadowGirdo,Yellow14, Funny Cat,ThunderNinjaBird,Vamplady,


Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't.

this is this cat

this is is cat

this is how cat

this is to cat

this is keep cat

this is a cat

this is retard cat

this is busy cat

this is for cat

this is forty cat

this is seconds cat,


We defended the Stone,

Found the Chamber,

Released the Priosoner,

Got choosen by the Goblet,

Fought with the Order,

Learned the ways of the Prince,

And mastered the Hallows.

Just because it is over, doesn't mean it has ended.

Harry Potter will live in our hearts and minds forever.

So save your books and keep the movies.

Because Harry Potter is not just a passing fad.

It is a lifestyle.

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile.


In Honor of Stupid People XD

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (Yea, that's the only time I blow dry my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter's special.)

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap," (How?!)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (It's just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (That's a bit late, isn't it?)

On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (Why? That would save so much time!)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Yes, because I would use let a five year-old drive.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (I'm using this because?)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (Where else would you put them?)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (No freaking way! *sarcasm.*)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Umm...)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Dang it, and that was exactly what I bought it for!)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...like I would even try...)


If you hate Justin Bieber, then copy and paste this on to your profile and add your name to the list:

deathtobieber

NinjaTerra

alexisshadow101

mew luna and mew zoey

Livvykitty

Swirly592

Vulcanblood

Funny Cat

ThunderNinjaBird

Vamplady20

Join the Anti-Bieber Club! We need your support.


REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile):

1. We have cookies!

2. Meet the recruitment bunny!

3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!

4. You get a really cool crazy laugh!

5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guy!

6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life

7. Money Money Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?

8. Does there have to be a reason? The dark side is fun! *Flails arms*


A Nerd's List of Things to Do

1.) Write Alien vs. Predator: The Musical.

2.) Develop the ability to talk to vegetables. (Brocotongue!)

3.) Learn how to "billow" like Severus Snape.

4.) Make action figure of yourself.

5.) Prove to the world that gay sparkly vampires are even more pathetic than they believe.

6.) Enrage obsessed fan girls.

7.) Scream out random endings when walking out of the movie theater. (I can't believe it! Optimus killed Sam and ran off with Megatron!)

8.) Teach fox's how to skydive.

9.) Create first ever pizza laser.

10.) Have own theme music.

11.) Find the penny at the bottom of the razor blade and and salt-filled jar.

12.) Discover why Dora the Explorer's parents let her explore the world all by herself.

13.) Sing made-up lyrics to Christmas Carols. During the summer.

14.) Read Shakespeare. You know, like in Romeo and Juliet, where Juliet fights that lion, and Romeo destroys the giant space station, and they all go to Burger King...yeah, I don't really know my Shakespeare stuff that well.

15.) Also prove to the children how Santa sits on the throne of lies.

16.) If this isn't enough, scream "I GOT CAKE MIX!" all the time. (Nemesis.)

17.) Warn younger children that if they aren't good this Christmas, Santa's little Dementors will come and suck all of their happiness away. Run from livid parents.

18.) Use security cameras as mirrors to pick your nose.

19.) Run around with a Force FX lightsaber, claiming you are a Jedi that must slay the evils of the world. Then attack anyone wearing Hannah Montana apparel.

20.) Develop sense of irony.

21.) Don't die yet.

22.) Conquer the world with flying fox's.

24.) Build a city...then destroy it with multicoulered dinosaurs!

25.)Make you realize I skipped 23.

26.) Copy and paste this on

334 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart

1. Take someone's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them's cart

2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment

3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham

4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!! You're ALIVE!! It's a MIRACLE!! etc."

5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _

6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

7. Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell "AIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!"

8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!"

9. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!"

10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME"

11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men

13. Hide in a clothes circle. When someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from them

14. Grab a guitar and start singing Wake Me Up When September Ends in a loud shrieking half screaming voice

15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts

16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in house ware" and see what happens

18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department

19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap

20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time. Then act like a conductor

21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

22. Open a pack of yugioh cards and challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"

23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation

24. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say to random people, "I know where you live..."

25. Attempt to drown in a kiddy pool...

26. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it

27. Open up random packages in the toy aisle then walk off. If an employee asks what you're doing, just say "I changed my mind."

28. Run around Wal-Mart in a bathing suit singing the Surfin' USA theme song

29. Say things like, "Would you be as kind so to direct me to your Twinkies?"

30. If an employee comes within 30 ft scream "GET AWAY FROM ME!!" Then run out of the store screaming

31. Walk up to an employee and ask questions like how come this store is called wal mart? Or what's up with your hair? Why do you people wear name tags can't you all remember your own names?

32. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles

33. Glare menacingly at anyone who comes within 40 ft of you. Then hiss like a snake and act like you're going to bite them

34. Throw a fake rubber snake into some lady's face and watch her freak out

35. Squeeze their legs and either sing, "I like to move it, move it! Or say "You got chicken legs!"

36. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

37. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room

38. Bring your pet pit-bull into Wal-mart. Act casual. If someone is brave enough to walk up to you and tell you to get out, simply reply "He's going to help me pick out his favorite dog food"

39. TP as much of the store as possible

40. Whenever you hear a voice saying, clean up etc fall to the ground sobbing screaming the voices!! Then get back up & act normal

41. Dress up in a trench coat & wear sunglasses. Walk up to someone browsing and say "The rooster is in the nest" Wait for a reply. After they finish talking, hand them a cap gun and whisper "use this wisely."

42. Go to the music aisle and start singing horrible karaoke

43. Walk along look at someone giggle at them & say to no one... I know I know... hehehe keep doing it until they give you a weird look & walk off

44. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day

45. Go in to the camping department and enter a tent then tell random customers that they can come in if they bring a pillow from the bedding department

46. Broadcast K-mart commercials over the intercom

47. Go up to the bagel section with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!"

48. Over the intercom say there is a big sale on all items in electronics department and first 10 people to the check outs gets one item free... & see what happens

49. Randomly start putting different size undergarments in people’s carts

50. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners

51. Run through the store and jump on random peoples carts singing I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES!!

52. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask you what you're doing or tell you to stop, tell them that you're trying to find out what they ate for dinner last night

53. Do your American Idol audition in front of the security cameras

54. Get a marker & go over all the barcodes with a line then go purchase your items... the person who is serving you will have to enter all the barcodes in by hand

55. Go up to some of the customers while your carrying a paper bag and say "trick or treat!" and if they don't give you anything, do the sad puppy dog face

56. Hide under a big pile of clothes and throw random objects at people when they walk by

57. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."

58. Walk up to a pizza place and ask for a Mcchicken

59. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden) Make grunting noises and drop the cantaloupe in the toilet. Then say "Phew, That's better"

60. Put blue paint on your hand and when you see someone put your hand on their shirt and point at them and say, "A clue a clue!"

61. Go to a clerk and tell them u lost your son and ask if they can call his name over the speaker! When they ask u his name make up a ridiculous name

62. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters

63. While Humming the theme to Mission Impossible While wearing all black, knock over all of the cans

64. Take all the CD's put them in the wrong place and when an employee puts them all back yell at her and mess them up again

65. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a macho guy to change you

66. Take a friend with you and a younger child and start arguing over who gets custody then have the child run away and out of the store and yell CILLY COME BACK!!

67. Climb up a ladder & try doing a King Kong thing

68. Run through the make-up department and yell, "There's a dead body in aisle 3!!"

69. Grab a can of whipped cream & find a bald guy Spray it on his head

70. Dress up in a fairy costume, and climb up a ladder and when people go by say "your wish is granted"

71. Dress up as a giant smiley face and whip price signs! Then yell "ROLLBACK!!"

72. Walk up to someone act like you can read their mind & say... sir or madam... don't think that.

73. Walk towards a group of people and hit your head and say in a loud voice, "Shut up in there."

74. Put make up all over your face so it looks like a 2 year old did it and then say, "She's horrible at giving make-overs!" and point to a random woman.

75. Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the friends theme song

76. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store

77. Smear ketchup on yourself, lie on your back in the kids aisle, and pretend to be dead

78. Lay a 20 dollar bill on the ground and back away and when someone tries to pick it up run up to them and yell hands off my dollar!! Then got to a manager and tell him that they stole 20 dollars from you

79. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles

80. Try all of the sodas and put them back then say, "Yup, that stuff's not poisonous."

81. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down

82. Run up to random people and ask if they like green eggs and ham

83. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags, then attempt to fit others into very large gym bags

84. Bang on the pots and pans in the cooking aisle

85. Act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions

86. Swing on the half price banners

87. Go up to a random person and tap on his/her shoulder. When the person looks at you, ask what and walk off like you're annoyed

88. Burp and say mmmm, tasty

89. Hold Barbie for ransom

90. Run around with a country music cd and sing Queen's "We Will Rock You"

91. Throw random items over into the next aisle and see if you can score into someone's cart

92. Ride around in a Barbie jeep with Barbie in the front seat and act like you're talking to her by saying "Let's bust this joint!"

93. Wrap a hose around you and shout, "AAH! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!"

94. Do your own radio show over the intercom

95. Go to the aisle with the Star Wars stuff and hold up a Luke Skywalker toy and say "Luke, I am your father" and make breathing noises in your Darth Vader mask

96. Glue pennies on the floor 'heads' side up 97. Knock over all the shelves and run around screaming 'EARTHQUAKE! EVERYON RUN!

98. Find a pair of walkie talkies and have a conversation with your self when everyone is watching you

99. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices

100. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over

101. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund

102. Get a cardboard box, go in the store and pop out of the box and give out candy to passerby

103. Find the fish section and when someone walks by begin to pet the fish tank and say, "I know how you feel..."

104. Spill water on the floor, and run around claiming that the store is flooded

105. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items

106. Scream really loudly and when someone tells you to be quiet scream, "I will not be silenced!!"

107. Hold a bag of frozen veggies over your head and yell "Fear me and my evil army of frozen carrots!!"

108. Hug someone randomly and say, "I love u mommy!"

109. Go in the undergarments section and ask random people if they think this will fit

110. Tie a plushie to one end of a string your ankle to the other end, and run around screaming "HELP! IT'S AFTER ME!"

111. Start yelling at the stuffed animals when there are people around

112. Grab some pampers Pull-Ups and while buying them yell at the clerk "Mommy, guess what? I'm a big kid now!!"

113. Go into the bedding department and with cookies in your hand lie on a bed then pretend you are having a nightmare about cookies and yell “COOKIE!! COOKIE!! NOOOOOO!!" Then start rolling around

114. Make evil eyes at someone and start whispering, "I'm the little girl from the well... I've been waiting..."

115. Go to the cafeteria area and buy fries. Then stand by the door and when people walk through throw the fries above their head like there getting married

116. Look at old people with wide eyes saying, "I see dead people!"

117. Get a tent (With holes preferably) and tell people to come in your lair. When they do chuck popcorn at them and ask them who invited them in

118. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.

119. Chase your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you.

120. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if you on a horse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc. And if a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.

121. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your friend.

122. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.

123. Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of French fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from McDonalds, but not Wal-Mart

124. Get popcorn and throw at customers, sneaking up on them in an un stealth-like way, while yelling random things

125. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.

126. When your alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents.

127. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure.

128. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.

129. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast as you can.

130. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.

131. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink every time it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized.

132. Light a match under a sprinkler

133. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while I go get my shot gun". Then walk away.

134. Buy something that is like 5 and give the cashier all pennies.

135. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!! I haven't seen you in so long!!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.

136. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get paid enough to do this"

137. Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up.

138. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.

139. start hitting on the mannequins.

140. Super-glue a quarter to the floor and count how many people try to pick it up. 141. Switch the price tags with something expensive and something really cheap.

142. Put women's clothes into men's carts.

143. Put preppy stuff, like short skirts and whatnot, into old men's carts when they aren't looking.

144. Run around in front of a mirror screaming "COPYCAT!"

145. Bring a friend and a stopwatch. Get carts and race around. every time you nock something over, subtract a second from your time. You usually get kicked out before you figure out who won.

146. Find a couple. Run up to the one who is an opposite gender from you, slap them, and say "WHAT IS THIS? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!!"

147. Go up to an assistant and ask for mayonnaise. When they say they don't have it, start crying and scream, "Now how am I supposed to paint my toenails?!"

148. Lay on the floor and do a ground angel

149. Steal their ketchup, go on the counter, smear ketchup all over you and say HELP ME HELP ME! OMG! THE HOTDOG KILLED ME!

150. Start jumping on one of their beds or attempt to fall asleep until one guy tells you to get off. Then yell 'HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET AWAY FROM MY BED!!"

151. Run around switching all of the open signs on the cash registers to closed and all of the closed signs to open. Watch the customers get confused.

152. Ask for Goat Milk

153. Make sure somebody's in the same aisle, then run screaming into a wall. Fall down and say "AHHH! The pain, the horrible, terrible pain!" Until someone asks if you're alright. When they do, get up and say, "Yes, I'm fine, why?" And then walk away calmly like nothing happened.

154. Dress up as an emo kid, then scream at people, "WHY HAVE YOU COME TO WORSEN MY MISERY?!"

155. Dress up as a ninja and go around the store karate chopping people

156. Ride a horse on a stick toy thing and have your friend pull you around the store on a skateboard while you scream, "The British are coming! The British are coming!"

157. Turn a cart over and put towels over it so they can't see in. when someone starts to open it, start yelling "Hey, I'm Using the Bathroom in here!!"

158. Buy a chocolate bar, go to the bathroom, smear chocolate on your hand, reach under the next stall and ask, "Can I have some toilet paper?"

159. Take a fishing pole, tie it to a dollar, and go fishing for humans!

160. Climb up to one of the really high shelves and start singing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs. Works better around summer.

161. Get a mirror and put it on top of a cart so it lay across it. Get on top and have someone push you down an isle, and Sing "Surfin' USA"

162. When the intercom comes on, fall on your knees and scream in tears of joy, "God has spoken!!"

163. Get on a bike and ride around and crash into everything and everyone who gets in your way.

164. Pour a bunch of lemonade from the entrance to the bathroom and come out saying someone should have told me where the bathroom was quicker!

165. Have a friend stack a pyramid of shoe boxes at the end of an aisle. Push a cart into it. Yell "Team Rocket's blasting off again!" and run.

166. Get an umbrella and have someone in a cart (or just a tall person) pour water on it while you sing Raindrops Are Fallin' On My Head.

167. Call the front desk and when they answer the phone say I'm sorry, your call could not be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again. Then call and say I'm sorry, I will have to put you on hold. Can you call back? I'm busy on isle 3.

168. Go into one of those employees only doors and go behind some food shelves. when people reach out to grab food, grab their arm and start to pull on it.

169. eat all the ice cream boxes and then blame it on a worker with ice cream all over your face

170. Pour carrots on the floor so the employees have to pick it up. Continue doing it for a long period of time.

171. Skate around on a skateboard, then fall over and pretend to break your leg.

172. Start playing the violin.

173. Stare at a blank T.V, for an hour and when somebody asks what your doing, answer, "Shh, this is my favorite show!"

174. Stand on the conveyor belt at the check out with a barcode on your forehead.

175. Start saying stuff like argetrargrehargenstartgen to everyone who walks in.

176. walk around in dirty cloths and eat all the produce like a bum

177. Poke people and run away screaming, "Don't touch me!!"

178. Stare at people for a minute and then smile at them happily

179. Beat your chest and run around screaming like Tarzan.

180. Throw stuff on the floor and start yelling at an imaginary friend.

181. Shoot spitwads at people and then fall on the ground laughing hysterically

182. Go into a bathroom that is of the opposite gender of yourself and open the stalls saying, "Ooh la la!"

183. Walk up to random people, give them a hug, and say, "I love you!"

184. Dress up as an old man and start stealing stuff

185. Start a fire, then sit around it with your friends in Indian clothes.

186. Walk around in a court jester costume

187. Run at people with a pitch fork

188. Pretend that you're having a heart attack

189. Throw tomatoes at people and then tackle them

190. Get on the intercom and calmly say, "Attention shoppers. I would like to inform you that the world is about to end, and that there's a sale on isle two."

191. Buy a carton of vanilla ice cream, run up to the cash register, tell the cashier you forgot your money, then start dancing like Napoleon Dynamite, screaming, "Where's my chap stick?!"

192. Pretend to be Spiderman by running up walls and trying to save people

193. Claim isle three as your 'Secret Lair'

194. Run around the store singing the My Little Pony theme song as loud as you can.

195. Get a giant Christmas stocking and hop around in it like it's a potato sack on field day

196. Build a wall out of stuffed animals

197. Put on a cape and run around singing the Phantom of the Opera

198. Yell curse words at people

199. Knock down as many displays as you can

200. Go up to a random old guy with white hair and say, "I want Bratz for Christmas! Thank you Santa!" and then give him a hug and run away.

201. Dress up in a super villain costume and then go around the store yelling, "MARRY ME!" to random people

202. Go up to a tough looking guy and push him and say you wanna fight? And when he pushes back start to cry and run away

203. Point to a cash register and ask the cashier, "How much is that?"

204. Get a tent and campout with the Barbie dolls in the toy isle

205. Chew gum loudly in people's faces

206. Throw a poke-ball at someone and yell, "PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!"

207. Turn on all the flashlights, hang them from the ceiling, stand under them, scatter confetti at your feet, and start singing, using a Barbie as a microphone.

208. Play baseball in the middle of the store, then score a home run and run around the store screaming.

209. Flirt with someone, plan a date, and then break up with them, all in 10 minutes.

210. Get a cart and pile it high with items. When the cashier tells you the price, exclaim, "What a rip off!" And walk out of the store.

211. Start singing, "Tinkle, tinkle, little star! In a toilet that's real far! Up above us in the sky! It's weird to learn that pee does fly! Make sure it does never land! In my, my, my, my, my hand!"

212. Find all the beans you can and put them in your cart, and then tell random people that it's your breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next couple years.

213. Pay for your stuff with all pennies, and then come up one too short.

214. Scream, "Look! Someone's stealing an old lady's purse!" and when they look away, take all the stuff in their cart and throw it around the store shouting "I'm a terrorist!"

215. Run out of the dressing room screaming, "Michael Jackson has my dad!"

216. Go to the pet isle. Point to a fish and say, "I'll have that one. And that one. And that one..." Keep going until you've pointed to every fish they have in stock

217. Tap dance through the store

218. Change the music on the intercom to Mexican

219. Rip open every package you see

220. Get on a bike and have your friend chase you. Pretend you are going to run over somebody and then move out the way.

221. Stand in front of the security camera and pretend to die (dramatically)

222. Scream "SECURITY!" as loud as you can. When they come up act all panicky and say "This is really important!" Then smile and say, "Hi."

223. Sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" as loud as you can in the music section, then smile and say "Well, it's the music section so I thought you might like some live music." Then sing it again.

224. Run around with underwear on your head, screaming, "I am Captain Underpants!"

225. Follow a male security dude and ask him where the "feminine needs" are.

226. Go to the toy isle, set up the GI joe figures and yell, " Then it's WAR!!"

227. Pull down your pants next to a flower display and "water" the flowers.

228. Go to the bakery section and yell "I LOVE PIE!" to everyone you see.

229. Take all the pets out of their cages, including the fish.

230. Grab a strawberry shortcake doll and go to the bakery section. Tell the baker "I'd like to buy strawberry shortcake!" and hold the doll in their face.

231. Scream, "GET OUT OF MY YARD!" to everyone who walks by you.

232. Announce that there's a huge sale at Target

233. Throw a party in a busy isle

234. Test drive lawn mowers

235. Have a tennis tournament in the middle of the store

236. Throw all the bouncy balls in the toy section everywhere and let them bounce around

237. Get a bunch of Tag bottles and spray random customers/employees while saying "Tag! You're it!"

238. Eat a bunch of candy and refuse to pay for it

239. Go to the in store restaurant and order anything. When receiving it tell them that this was not what you wanted. Refuse to pay and go tell the manager

240. Hide in a pile of plushies and then jump out at people who walk by

241. Act like an old lady and scream, "AH! I broke my back! This wouldn't happen at Target!"

242. Pretend to be a life size Barbie. When someone wants to buy you, run away screaming that someone was trying to kidnap you.

243. Take a marker to all the happy faces. Then change the prices. That will start an uproar

244. When a clerk stops you and asks your name read their name of their id card. When they say it's not your name scream, "IDENTITY THEFT!!"

245. Throw jelly sweets at the cashiers

246. Steal a shopping cart(As in take it out of the store and put it in your car)

247. Ride on the back of the carts. (they hate it when you do that) Run into other carts yelling like a maniac.

248. Follow one person around the store. Poke them ever so often. When the snap and yell at you scream, "STALKER!!"

249. Pretend like you're a person who works there and walk around saying, "Can I help you find anything?"

250. Spill cooking oil all over the floor and then slide in it

251. Pretend like you're blind and can't find what your looking for. Go up to random people and ask, "Will you help me find some cat food for Fluffy?"

252. Bowl with bottles full of open soda

253. Run around with a bowl of cheerios yelling, "It lowered my cholesterol!"

254. Order a pizza from the cashier

255. Ask to have your pizza shaken, not stirred

256. Start a food fight

257. Go up to a fat woman and say, "Taxi?"

258. Put underwear over your shorts, get a blue shirt, yellow paint, and red paint, paint an s on the shirt, go to the material section, cut a red cape, then get an umbrella, open it, and jump off the tops of shelves.

259. Take the spray paint and paint all the people around you

260. Go up to random people and hug them while putting a 'Kick Me' sign on the back of their shirt

261. Hide in dark places with a golden ring. when people walk by, jump out at them hissing, "We wants it! You cants have it!" Then gently whisper, "it will be alright my precious"

262. Flip off the manager

263. Go to the food section, take all of the boxed items out, and stack them up to make a fort. Glue can help. And creating a 'distraction' elsewhere for the employees to handle while you work does too...

264. Drop a pen and let someone else go and pick it up for you. When they do try to pick it up yell to them, "HEY THATS MY PEN THEIF!"

265. Bring a slip n' slide blast some Music and bring some random people to it and kick their back so they slide accross the slip n' slide and scream "PARTY IN THE HIZ HOUSE!!"

266. Throw a dance party

267. Write on the floors

268. Pull all the clothes off the racks into a pile on the floor and hide under it, and when someone tries to pick the clothes up, leap out cackling madly and run down the aisles, still cackling.

269. Go up to someone and say "look over there" Then pull down their pants. And, if you're lucky, their underwear.

270. Pretend to have an asthma attack, and when someone tries to help you, bite them. Or pretend to faint.

271. Get a bag of chips and walk around the store eating them. When an employee tries to stop you or make you pay, tell them that they're your chips! Keep screaming it.

272. Spray a customer with pepper spray and scream, "Help! Help! He's a rapist!"

273. Pretend to be a rabid dog and run around growling at people. Then if someone tries to stop you, bite them.

274. Lie on the floor. Just lie there. It is guaranteed to freak people out. Either pretend to be asleep, or to have passed out.

275. Take toys and put them on the floor and take a cart. Start running over the toys screaming, "Monster Truck Mania!!"

276. Climb up the shelves/storage units, then refuse to come down.

277. Take red juice Pour it on your face make streaks or stripes then layout on the floor with a flower in your hand when a crowd of people come stand up and walk like a zombie!

278. Grab a bowl, spoon, milk, and cereal. Eat it right there and tell them you'll pay when your done.

279. Stand on the conveyer belt when your checking out and walk like its a treadmill... then ask for a speed increase

280. Wrap yourself in toilet paper rolls and pretend to be a mummy looking for your wife, Cleopatra

281. Follow a stranger around and mimic them. Continue doing this for a long period of time.

282. If you are in Target, say there is a code yellow

283. Get some candy corn form the candy aisle put two on your canine teeth and go around the store biting peoples necks

284. Flirt with the manager's wife

285. Walk calmly to the CDs, when u see one that has Hilary Duff, yell (if you're a fan) OHMIGOD! HILARY'S LATEST! OHMIGOSH, I, LIKE HAVE TO HAVE THIS! (if you're not a fan) Find a hammer, take the CD, gently put it on the floor, then mash it like a madman.

286. Run around spinning and say you're the Tasmanian devil

287. Run around in circles and yell, "I'M THE CIRCLE MAN!"

288. Announce a sock-sliding contest and take off your shoes and start sliding. It's actually really fun...

289. Go up to a employee ask for a application and where it says goals write down 'to take over Wal-Mart' and turn it in

290. Get a water gun and threaten someone with it. A cashier is usually a prime candidate. Then say in a low, dangerous voice (without collapsing into laughter) "Empty out the cash register."

291. Take a soda, shake it up, and then spray it at people.

292. Hide in the clothes so when someone comes to look you yell, "PICK ME!"

293. Request that an employee find you an imaginary product, then keep saying: "I know it's here somewhere, just keep looking!" Eventually the employee will run out of patience, so then you say: "You've been punked!" And run out screaming and laughing. (Maybe you won't get kicked out, but you'll freak an employee out...)

294. Print out a bunch of advertisements for Target, Marshalls, etc... Then calmly go around taping/gluing/stapling them to products, people, and walls. It helps to have a WHOLE lot of them.

295. Move things around. (Put frozen food in with the barbies, etc...)

296. If a fat person has a twinkies in their cart take it out and start eating it and spit it out on them and yell, "That crud is sick!"

297. Point at an old man and yell, "LOOK EVERYONE! IT'S BRITNEY SPEARS!"

298. Put a ski mask on and wear a black cape with black clothes and a fake sword and yell, "Zoro has returned!"

299. Dress up as an old lady and whack people with your purse and when employees come to stop you, pretend to faint

300. Go to Wal-Mart at 2:00 in the morning and do cartwheels around the store screaming, "I'm pregnant!"

301. Put on a long wig and claim to be Pocahontas

302. Break some glass, then accuse a flying monkey

303. Threaten a cashier with a candy bar

304. Bring in scissors and glue. If anyone asks, tell them you are fulfilling your dream of giving Wal Mart a Make Over.

305. Buy a bag of candy. Start to walk away, then ask if you can exchange them. Repeat until they get angry.

306. Go to the dairy section and protest against milking cows. Say things like, "What if the cows aren't ok with us milking them? Cows have rights too!"

307. Redecorate the Rollback Smiley Face so he is green with neon pink eyes.

308. Go up to the manager and ask where the nearest K-Mart is.

309. If you see a couple holding hands, run through their hands and scream, "RED ROVER!"

310. Grab a gnome, then hide in a clothes rack and when someone picks out a shirt or whatever jump out and yell "The gnome did it! The gnome did it!" Then throw the gnome and run.

311. Put up free sample signs all over the store and watch people leave with their "free samples."

312. Run around the store screaming, "OMG! HELP! PINTO BEANS ARE TAKING OVER COSTCO! AHHH!"

313. In Walmart, they give out free stickers. Take them and decorate your body with them.

314. Get a bunch of your friends, about 10 or more, and go up to a lady who looks like she's in her 20's. When there are lots of people around, ask, "Mommy? Can we have some ice cream?"

315. Spit in the manager's face

316. Stare at a customer for a long time while saying, "Hello, hello, hello" nonstop until they get really mad

317. Go to customer service and say, "Your fat vallet guy stole my car."

318. Put an "Out of Order" sign on the manager's butt

319. Go up to customers and whisper, "Seven Days..." and if they turn around, pelt them with Skittles

320. Melt chocolate, then scream, "Free face masks!"

321. Wear a pair of bright yellow pants on your head and run around screaming, "They Got Me!!"

322. Slap the manager and scream, "He's alive! He's ALIVE!!"

323. Put a lot of matches and gasoline in your cart, then smile at people

324. Run around the store five times, and when you are done, scream, "I WIN!" and do a victory dance

325. Let a collie lose in the store, then scream, "Lassie, come home!"

326. Make your friend that's a guy try on girl clothes and then have him run around like a crazy person.

327. Hide in a boys clothes rack, and when a boy with glasses walks by, scream, "You're a wizard, Harry!" 328. Grab lots of G.I. Joe action figures and Water Bombs and yell, "ITS WAR!!" whenever someone walks by and throw the bombs at them.

329. Put a Dora toy on the floor and when someone tries to pick it up, yell, "Swiper No Swiping!"

330. Buy a fake but expensive looking vase. (ex. a cheap glass pot.) Fill it with some ash and soot. Then take it to an employee, bump into him and drop it so it shatters. Then keep screaming at him that it was your mother and you will sue him for every thing he owns, and tell him he has to pick it up then and there or he will be cursed for 10 years.

331. Put a squirt gun in a stuffed elmo's hand and scream, "Everybody down!! Elmo's got a gun!"

332.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!!"


Ways to Annoy people at the movie theater:

Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.

Clap when the good guy gets killed.

During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"

Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"

Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.

Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.

Yell out what is going to happen.

Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.

Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.

Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.

Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.

Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.

Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.

Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.

Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...)

Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.

Try to start a wave.

Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.

Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"

Sing with the theme music.

Bring and use your own air freshener.

At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."

Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.

Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.

Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.

Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.

Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.

Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.

When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"

Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.

Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.

Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.

Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.

Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.

Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.

Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theater room.

Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.

Bring a water gun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"

Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"

Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"

Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can hear it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.

Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.

Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.

Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.

Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end

When a character, even an evil one, is about to die, scream "Don't do it!"

During action scenes, contribute your own sport event-style commentary

Loudly point out whenever something or someone from another movie is being ripped off

During scary scenes, scream loudly and grab the hand of whoever is sitting next to you


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(='.'=) This is Bunny.
(")_(") Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination!

Put this on your Profile.
If you Love Music
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(\_/) PUT THIS ON YOUR PROFILE
('.') IF YOU HATE
(")_(") ANIMAL CRUELTY

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(.• (.•(.•(.•(.•(.• Pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, died, or is living with cancer

Put this on your page
if you love to laugh!


OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.


Woman Comebacks!

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing


Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for
the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in
order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my
dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that
my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what
this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is
obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with
the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe...for now...


Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso .

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Fina

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to your mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which button to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696969696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, and date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

l Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!!


Ever wonder...

where we are headed...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop most Windows versions?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?

Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Why test results that state you have a deadly disease are called 'positive' results? Or when you do not have the disease, it is a 'negative' result?


Dear ‘popular’ kids

Yeah, you can tease me, use me, bully me, make fun of me all you like, because when I’m your boss, I’ll be laughing my ass off.

Sincerely Nerds of the World


YOUR GUY SIDE:
You love hoodies.
You love jeans.
Dogs are better than cats.
It's hilarious when people get hurt.
You've played with/against boys on a team.
Shopping is torture.
Sad movies suck.
You own/ed an X-Box.
Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.

You watch sports on TV.
Gory movies are cool.
You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
Baggy pants are cool to wear.
It's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
Green, black, red, blue or silver are one of your favourite colours.
You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
Sports are fun.
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks on at night.
TOTAL: 12

YOUR GIRL SIDE:
You wear lip gloss/stick.
You love skirts.
Cats are better than dogs.
You love to shop.
You wear eyeliner.
You wear the color pink.
Go to your mum for advice.
Pink, yellow, orange, purple or gold is one of your favorite colors.
You hate wearing the color black.
You like hanging out at the shopping center.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
You like wearing jewelry.
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don't like the movie Star Wars.
You were in gymnastics/dance.
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed and make-up.
You smile a lot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing body perfume.
You love the movies.
Used to play with dolls as little kid.
Like being the star of every thing.
TOTAL:8


WHAT A KISS MEANS

Kiss on the stomach = "I'm ready"
Kiss on the Forehead = "I hope we're together forever"
Kiss on the Ear = "You're my everything"
Kiss on the Cheek = "We're friends"
Kiss on the Hand = "I adore you"
Kiss on the Neck = "we belong together"
Kiss on the Shoulder = "I want you"
Kiss on the Lips = "I love you"

What the gesture means...
Holding Hands = "we definitely love each other"
Slap on the Butt = "That's mine"
Holding on tight = "I don't want to let go"
Looking into each other's Eyes = "I just plain love you"
Playing with Hair = "Tell me you love me"
Arms around the Waist = "I love you too much to let go"
Laughing while Kissing = "I am completely comfortable with you"
picking someone up off their feet = "that they love them fully and would do anything for them


Natural Highs

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the _expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.


Bella: Talk To Her!
Edward: I Don't Know. She Won't Ever Like Me.
Bella: Don't Say That. You're Amazing.
Edward: I Just Want Her To Know How I Feel.
Bella: Then Tell Her.
Edward: She Won't Like Me...
Bella: How Do You Know That?
Edward: I Can Just Tell.
Bella: Well Just Tell Her.
Edward: What Should I Say?
Bella: Tell Her How Much You Like Her!
Edward: I Tell Her That Daily.
Bella: What Do You Mean?
Edward: I'm Always With Her. I Love Her.
Bella: I Know How You Feel. I Have The Same Problem, But He'll
Never Like Me...
Edward: Wait. Who Do You Like?
Bella: Oh Some Boy.
Edward: Oh... She Won't Like Me Either

Bella: She Does.
Edward: How Do You Know..?
Bella: Because, Who Wouldn't Like You?
Edward: You.
Bella: You're Right, I Don't Like You, I Love You
Edward: I Love You Too.
Bella: So Are You Going To Talk To Her?
Edward: I Just Did


A TRUE boyfriend

When she walks away from you mad, follow her

When she stares at your mouth, kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you, grab her and don't let go

When she starts cussing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet, ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you, give her your attention

When she pulls away, pull her back

When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying, just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared, protect her

When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her

When she steals your favorite hat, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up

When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand

When she grabs at your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes, don't look away until she does

When she misses you, she's hurting inside

When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away

When she says it’s over, she still wants you to be hers

When she reposts this bulletin, she wants you to read it

When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go

When she says she's ok, don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 years later she'll remember you

When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

Let her know she's important.

Kiss her in the pouring rain.

When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Whose ass am I kicking, babe?"

If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will: Call you. Kiss you. Love you. Text you.

Guys post as: "I'd be this boyfriend." Girls post as: "A true boyfriend " or " what a boyfriend should do"


Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART,

Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG,

Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY,

Calling me POOR won't make you RICH,

Calling me FAT wont make you PERFECT,

Calling me UNCOOL wont make you COOL,

Calling me a LOOSER Don't make you BETTER THAN ME,

So why bother?


One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.' I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him.

So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, 'Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.'

He looked at me and said, 'Hey thanks!'

There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.

We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes.We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, 'Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!' He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke.

I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous!

Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, 'Hey, big guy, you'll be great!' He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. 'Thanks,' he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began, 'Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach... but mostly your friends... I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.' I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. 'Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.' I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.

I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

You now have two choices, you can : 1) Put this on your profile or 2) Forget you read this and act like it didn't touch your heart. As you can see, I took choice number 1.


Meaning of color and your birthday!!

Don 't cheat, If you are honest, this tells the truth. It's pretty good.(I cheated and my wish did'nt come true TT.TT)adeadlyrose

Write your answers on a piece of paper, and NO cheating!, The answers are at the bottom.

1. Which is your favorite color out of: red , black , blue , green , or yellow?

2. Your first initial?

3. Your month of birth?

4. Which color do you like more, black or white?

5. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.

6. Your favorite number?

7. Do you like Flying or Driving more?

8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?

9. Write down a wish (a realistic one).

When you're done, scroll down. (Don't cheat!)

Answers:

1. If you choose:

Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.

Black - You are conservative and aggressive.

Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.

Blue- You are spontaneous and love, kisses and affection from the ones you love.

Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.

2. If your initial is:

A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.

L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum & your love life is soon to blossom.

S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.

3. If you were born in:

Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.

April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.

July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.

Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.

4. If you chose:

Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.

White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.

5. This person is your best friend.

6. This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.

7. If you chose:

Flying: You like adventure.

Driving: You are a laid back person.

8. If you chose:

Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved.

Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

9. This wish will come true only if you re-post this in one hour as "Meaning of color and your birthday!" and it will come true


This is really sweet...

When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.

When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.

When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever.

When a girl wants to see you everday, she wants to be pampered.

When a girl says "I love you." she means it.

When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, and calls you back when you hang up on him.

The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

The one who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him.

The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her.". before your next birthday


If you read this, you have to repost it, guy or girl, or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life.

If you repost this, in five minutes your true love will call or message you.

Tonight at midnight, they will realize that they love you.

Something good will happen at approximately 1:42 pm tomorrow, and it could happen anywhere.

So get ready for the biggest shock of your life.

If you don't repost this, you will be cursed with relationship problems for all of eternity.


UNDERLINE What You Are

Pick the month you were born on...

1(Jan) - I shot
2 (Feb) - I ran shirtless with
3 (Mar) - I stabbed
4 (Apr) - I killed
5 (May) - I slapped
6 (June) - I robbed
7 (July) - I kissed
8 (Aug) - I smoked with
9 (Sept) - I needed
10 (Oct) - I hugged
11 (Nov) - I ran naked with
12 (Dec) - I banged

Pick the date you were born on...

01 – a rock star
02 – my boyfriend
03 – a hobo
04 – a homeless guy
05 – the one that i love
06 – the Trojan man
07 – the cookie monster
08 – a sexy girl
09 – a bowl of cereal
10 – a mop
11 – a tooth brush
12 – a hobo
13 – a dog
14 – a drunk
15 – a crack head
16 – a cat
17 – a bag of weed
18 – the kool-aid man
19 – an Easter egg
20 – tori the snowman
21 – a hottie
22 – my crush
23 – yo momma
24 – a Mexican
25 – a condom
26 – a teletubby
27 – a gangsta
28 – Paris Hilton
29 – Barney the Dinosaur
30 – my ex boyfriend
31 – my lover

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing...

White – because I'm sexy like that
Black – because I love weed
Pink – because I smoke crack
Turquoise – because I'm good in bed
Brown—because I like to snort cocaine
Polka Dots – because I hate my life
Purple – because he's gay
Grey – because I have AMAZING boobs
Other – because I'm retarded
Green – because that bum stole my taco
Orange – because I still love him
Red – because the gummy bears made me
Blue – because I like shoelaces
Tie-dye – because I'm a fucking scuba diver
Graphic – because I am crazy like that
None – because I have a killer six pack!!

I got: I stabbed my crush because he's gay -Sounds more legit then me being gay but I wouldn't stab him...yet.


Your new superhuman name is the color of your shirt and the thing on your left

I got Blue Star


Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then laugh while people try to figure out what the hell you just did.

It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full, just drink it and get it over with.

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Parents spend the first parts of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn’t pay...so if you keep reading, you’ll go broke.

Be nice to nerds. 'Cause chances are, you’ll end up working for one.

Teamwork: because bullets can only go through so many bodies.

This world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER!!!


Personality Quiz

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite gender- Edward.

2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, and yellow? - Blue.

3. Your first initial? - C.

4. Your month of birth? - March.

5. Which color do you like more, black or white? - White.

6. Name of a person of the same gender as yours - Bella.

7. Your favorite number? - 3.

8. Do you like California or Florida more? - California.

9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more? - Ocean.

10. Write down a wish (a realistic one). - I wish I could look like a model.

Are you done?

Answers:

1. You are completely in love with this person.

2. If you choose:

Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.

Black: You are conservative and aggressive.

Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.

Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.

Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.

3. If you’re initial is:

A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.

L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to blossom.

S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.(Awesome! I wonder if I'll end up with Tim...)

4. If you were born in:

Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.

Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.

July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good.

Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your Soul mate.

5. If you choose...

Black: Your life will take on a different direction; it will seem hard at the time But will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.

White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do Anything for you, but you may not realize it.

6. This person is your best friend.

7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.

8. If you choose...

California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laid back person.

9. If you choose...
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved.

Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.


Letters In Your Name

A: Hot

B: Loves people

C: A good kisser

D: Makes people laugh

E: Has gorgeous eyes

F: People wild and crazy adore you

G: Very outgoing

H: Easy to fall in love with

I: Loves to smile and laugh

J: Really sweet

K: Really silly

L: Smile to die for

M: Makes dating fun

N: Can kick the shit out of you

O: Has one of the best personalities ever

P: Popular with all types of people

Q: A hypocrite

R: Good boyfriend/girlfriend

S: Cute

T: A very good kisser

U: Is very sexual

V: Not judgmental

W: Very broad minded

X: Never let people tell you what to do

Y: Is loved by everyone

Z: Can be funny and dumb at times

So I'm a good kisser, I'm hot, I'm cute' I'm cute, I love to smile and laugh, and I have gorgeous eyes-sounds legit


This is selfish girls I hate these girls

Girls Don't realize these things

I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.


When you were 5, your mom gave you a ice cream cone. You thank her by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind.
When you were 9, your mom drove you from swimming class to soccer and one birthday party to another. You thanked her by slamming the door and never looking back.
When you were 10, your mom payed for piano classes. You thanked her by never coming to class.
When you were 12, your mom was waiting for a very important call. You thanked her by talking on the phone all night.
When you were 14, your mom payed for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by not bothering to write a single letter.
When you were 16, your mom taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you got.
When you were 17, your mom drove you to the mall and gave you her credit card. You thanked her by maxing it out.
When you were 18, your mom cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by partying until dawn.
When you were 20, your mom drove you to college. You thanked her by saying good-bye to her outside the dorm so you wouldn't have to say bye in front of your friends.
When you were 26, your mom payed for your wedding. You thanked her by moving halfway across the world.
When you were 30, your mom fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents became to children.
Then, one day, she quietly died and everything you did came crashing down on you.
If YOU love your mom, re-post this and if you don't, you won't care if your mom dies, will you?


Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

If you are against racism, copy this onto your profile. THE ONLY RACE IS HUMANITY!

If you LOVE reading, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want this dang war to end, copy and paste it into your profile.

If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear bating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile!

If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a silent room over something that happened yesterday, copy and paste this into your profile.

95% of teens would be crying if Justin Bieber was on a 100 ft tall building about to jump. If you are some of the 5% who brought popcorn and friends, copy and paste this into your profile

98% of teens would be screaming and crying if the Jonas Brothers were on the top of the Empire State Building, preparing to jump. If you're one of the 2% who would bring 3-D glasses, popcorn, and gather all of your friends to start chanting "JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!", copy this into your profile.

Justin Bieber falls off a building. 90% of the girls are crying. 9% are watching while eating popcorn. 1% are pushing Justin off the building. If you are part of that 9 or 1%, copy and paste this into your profile. ( I'm the 1% )

95% of girls would scream if Justin Bieber went missing: Paste this on your profile if you're one of the 5% who would smile and poke your new prisoner with a stick.


Guy's point of view

(Here's the take on relationships from a guy's POV. NOT MINE)

From a guys point of view:

We don't care if you talk to other guys.

We don't care if you're friends with other guys.

But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him without even introducing us, yeah, it -- us off.

It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.

We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till he morning.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.

Don't tell us we're wrong. We’ll stop trying to convince you.

The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.

Yeah, you can quote me.

Don't be mad when we hold the door open.

Take Advantage of the mood I’m in.

LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON'T 'FEEL BAD'

We enjoy doing it.

It's expected.

Smile and say 'thank you.'

Kiss us when no one's watching.

(If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.)

You don't have to get dressed up for us.

If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.

We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.

Honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up.

Don't take everything we say seriously.

Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.

Don't get angry easily.

Stop using magazines/media as your bible.

Don't talk about how hot Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that.

Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful'?

I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!’ instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy' or whatever else you can think of.

On the other hand I’m not sayin I wouldn't like it ether.

Girls: I cannot stress this enough: IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY, DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE. DITCH HIS SORRY DISGRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION, AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH UTTER RESPECT

Someone who will honor your morals.

Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.

Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.

Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.

Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes...and say 'I love you' ...AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT!

Give the nice guys a chance

Holding Hands- Girls: If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times. Guys: Grab it if it happens more than once.

Cuddling- Girls: When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold. Guys: Automatically move closer to her.

Movies- Girls: During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder. Guys: Lift her chin up and kiss her.

Loving each other- Guys: When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too... And mean it.

Laying below the stars- Girls: When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat Guys: Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.

Guys repost this if you agree.

Girls repost this if you think it's cute.


-See that boy doing his homework in home room? He couldn't do it last night because he was busy talking his friend out of suicide.
-See that girl, with her face caked in make-up? She's bullied, she needs to feel beautiful.

-See him, the one who wears long sleeves everyday? He covers his arms to hide the scars.
-See her, with the cheap hand-me-down clothes? Her family can't afford food for half the month, let alone get brand names.
-See that girl who laughs and smiles at every little thing? She cried herself to sleep every night. Wonder why she never lets her friends over to her house? Because she's afraid they'll see her mum passed out drunk on the floor, as always.
-See how that girl cringes at rape jokes? She was raped.
-See the boy who everyone goes to for advice? He wishes somebody would do the same for him.
-See the girl who never brings a lunch? She's disgusted by her body.
-See her, with the little waist? She goes to the bathroom and forces herself to throw up so she can keep her waist that way.
-See the boy over there, with the dark circles under his eyes? He has insomnia, he fears what he'll see in his dreams.
-See that girl over there daydreaming? She has schizophrenia.
-See the boy biting his nails? He has cancer and wonders how much time he has left.
-See your best friend? She's addicted to drugs, but she can't tell you because you won't understand.
-See that boy reading all about 9/11? His parents died on that day.
-See her, with the phone all the time? She's waiting for a call saying her sister was found after a kidnapping 4 years ago.
-See know the girl you just called fat? She overdosed on diet pills.
-See
that girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting on make-up hoping people will like her.
-See that boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home

Don't Judge.


ONE DAY A DAD COMES HOME DRUNK AND MAD. HE PULLS OUT A GUN AND SHOOTS HIS WIFE AND THEN TURNS THE GUN ON HIMSELF. HIS LITTLE GIRL SITS BEHIND THE COUCH CRYING. THE POLICE CAME AND TOOK THE LITTLE GIRL TO A NEW FAMILY. HER FIRST DAY TO SUNDAY SCHOOL SHE WALKS INTO THE BUILDING AND SEES A PICTURE OF JESUS ON THE CROSS.

THE LITTLE GIRL ASKS THE TEACHER: How did that man get off the cross?

THE TEACHER REPLIED: He never did.

THE LITTLE GIRL ARGUED: Yes he did when mommy and daddy fought he sat next to me behind the couch telling me everything was gonna be alright...

66 of u won't repost this. BUT REMEMBER THE BIBLE SAID, ''DENY JESUS IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS AND I WILL DENY YOU IN FRONT OF MY FATHER." Repost this.


If you have ever had a thumb war with yourself, copy and paste this on your profile(i was bored.)

If you are against drunk driving please copy this onto your profile!

If you think child abuse is wrong and needs to stop, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile

If, for no reason, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny (or if it was a sad part), put this in your profile

If you are anti-social sometimes post this on your profile.

If you think rap is the most God-awful est thing to ever be called "music," and that rappers are wanna-be's who are being paid to make fools out of themselves and can't even sing, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile

Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that has stayed loyal to either rock or metal, or punk put this in your profile.

If you write stories (not just on FanFiction), love it and you're proud of it, copy and paste this onto your profile.

if you hate music like Justin Bieber or rap and don't even know how to spell their names and would never listen to them EVER, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have a problem of laughing non stop, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you drink tea and love it ,copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have a serious addiction to the computer, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever said something to who you thought was your friend, but they turned out to be a random stranger, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are your own person and don't follow the crowd and your proud of it, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you have ever said anything about someone and found out they were right behind you, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have copied and pasted over twenty things on your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.


If there are times where you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it copy this to your profile.

If you actually take the time to read peoples profiles, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings while you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile

If you and your friends have nicknames, titles, or anything else for each other copy this to your profile.

If you are anti-social sometimes, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy and paste this into your profile

If you are one of those people that gets excited with just two reviews, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe spelling and grammar are important, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you find yourself making fanfictions of other fanfictions in your head, post this in your profile.

If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile. :D

If you like to write, copy this into your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you bites, copy this into your profile

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever changed your password on something and forgotten it, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever cried when your favourite character in a movie, T.V. Show, video game, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever copied something from someone else's profile, copy this onto your profile!

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you say it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever heard the voices of the characters of the book you're reading in your head...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile (doesn’t everyone?)

If you have ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head on a table for no reason copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have music in your soul, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have siblings that drive you crazy then copy this onto your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you randomly check your email every five minutes while on the computer, copy this into your profile.

If you read other people's profiles to copy and paste things, paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think rainbows are wonderful, post this in your profile.

If you think that if girls should rule the world and it would be a better place then copy this onto your profile.

If you think Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think writing FF stories is fun, copy this into your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

My best friend is insane. If you have a best friend who is insane, copy this into your profile.


Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your profile.

Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever wanted to slap someone, copy this into your profile.

If your friends are weird, copy this into your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy this into your profile.

Be optimistic, someday everyone you hate are going to die.

Sometimes i lay awake at night and ask "Where have i gone wrong?" and a little voice in my head says "This is gonna take more than one night."

The buddy system is esential to survive, it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Forgive your enemies, it messes with their heads.

9 out of the 10 voices in my head agree that I'm sane.

I'm not afraid of death, what's it gonna do? Kill me?

Boys are like slinkeys, useless but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I used to have super powers but then my therapist took them away.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house faster than the police.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

Go to hell!" "Been there, done that, got bored, bought a t-shirt, came back.

When I argue with myself it's normal. It's when I argue with myself and I LOSE that it's weird.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

It is surprising that history should be so dull considering that so much of it is invented.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Heaven kicked me out. Hell is afraid I'll take over.

(Someone boring talking to you) "Hold that thought, I need to do something" walk over and stare at a wall "yup, a lot more interesting"

I used to think that the whole world was against me. Now I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

If you or your best friend(s) is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been called a bookworm and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever wanted to give a movie or show character a flyingtacklehug, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever watched a movie so many times you know all the words to it then copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V. Show, video game, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile. :D

If you think Justin Beiber is gay, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you like laughing, copy and this to your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which makes weird good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy & paste this onto your profile

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If, you, like, commas, copy, and, paste, this, into, your, profile,

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE, then it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever listened to someone say something and you REALLY DO listen, word for word, and when their done you go, "What did you say?", copy and paste this to your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

!eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI :)

if you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not, copy this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you are a nerd and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

Just because we eat animals for food doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc. copy this into your profile! (Unless the animal was already killed for food –needless waste of those who sacrificed their lives is worse)

If you are odd and proud of it put this on your profile.

If you talk to yourself occasionally or out loud, paste this into your profile

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever cried in public when you were older that 10, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you're a bad athlete, copy and paste this onto your profile. (I'm horrible... but who cares? XD)

If you have ever wondered why someone decided to milk a cow, copy/paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you are on the computer for over 20 hours a week, put this in your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you hate slow computers, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've started having dreams featuring fictional characters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile.

Copy and Past this if you have never noticed that Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and The ABC Song have the same tune.

Copy and Paste this if you are now humming both of those songs in your head.

I know you are giggling right now!

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (I find that I am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.


My Mother Taught Me…

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why.
"
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
(Copy and paste if this made you laugh - or if it's true)

1)Ways to Torture the Pizza Guy
Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
Ask if you they can put food color in the cheese.
Ask them to not put a band-aid on it this time or you will sue.
2. Stare at someone's feet and yell "STOP STEPPING ON THE MINI DWARF PEOPLE."
3. Say hi to someone you never met before and pretend you know them.
5. Pretend you don't know how to use the vending machine...don't put money in it and yell at it when it doesn't give you anything.
6. Draw a dollar on a white piece of paper and put it into the vending machine and expect it to work.
7. Call a teacher "mom or dad" for a week and then act as if nothing happened.
8. Keep falling on purpose in the hallways.
9. When going to class, walk real slow so the person behind you gets annoyed.
10. Laugh obnoxiously while looking at someone.
11. In Chorus, Band, or Orchestra play off-key on purpose.
12. Start crying when the teacher says you got the answer wrong.
13. Start crying when there is too much noise, when someone asks you whats wrong say "there is too much noise."
14. Write the teacher love notes.
15. Act as if you are in shock, when someone asks "are you ok?"..say."i see dead people."
16. For a whole day say nothing but, "Fairy God Parents"
17. Go to the principles office and giggle after every word you say and look at the principle suggestively.
18. Take random pictures of people you dont know and yell at them saying "i knew you did it and now i have proof".
19. Go to random people and ask for directions on where to go and ask the same person again after every two seconds, but act as if you were asking for the first time.
20. Stalk someone and make it noticeable.
21.If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
22.Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
23.Name your dog "Dog."
24.Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
25.Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
26.Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
27.Tell 1-800 operators they sound gay and ask for a date.
28.Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
29.Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
30.Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
31.Move "wet floor" signs to carpeted areas.
32.Challenge people to shopping cart races.
33.Go into the canned goods aisle, and make towers of Spaghettio's in the middle of the floor.
34.Take things from people's carts, and write IOU notes.
35.Go to the checkout line, and when it's your turn, order a cheeseburger with fries. Refuse to move until your demands are met.
36.Put up fake sale signs, and insist that you shoud get money off.
37.Demand to see the manager, and when he/she comes, request a song to be played over the intercom system.
38.Spray people with air fresheners in the cleaning aisle.
39.Buy two lobsters, and let them go on the floor. Take bets on which one will win the lobster race.
40.Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If someone comes up to you, order a martini while fanning yourself.
41.Stand in front of a security camera, and give a news report. Drag peple over to be interviewed.
42.Go up to the clerk, say "code Red" and see what they do.
43.Put "reserved" signs in the checkout lanes when you first come in, so that people won't take your spot on line.Then throw a tantrum is they do.
44.If the meat section serves people using numbered papers, pull all the numbers out of the dispensor and for each number, order one thin slice of ham. Have each of your orders packaged separately.
45.When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
46.Stand between the automatic doors, and scream when they start to close. Repeat.
47.Walk behind someone as their advisor, making comments on everything they pick up.
48.Go to the candy aisle, and if a fat person starts to pick up some, shake your head sadly.
In an aeroplane:
49.Act like a movie star.
50.Ask someone for their autograph, pretending that you think they're Tom Cruise or Madonna (This best when the person looks nothing like the movie star in question)
51.Attempt to promote Hinduism among passengers, Or any other religion.
52.Bring a cellular phone. Call God. Say, "The reception is much clearer up here..."
53.Bring your computer keyboard without a monitor. Place it on your lap. Stare into the palm of your hand. Wait. Push the return key a few times. Yell out "Yes! Alright! I told them I didn't need a laptop!" Plug the headphones into your nostril and play Doom.
54.Call the stewardess "nurse".
55.Decorate. Bring a scatter rug and tiny draperies. Hang a "Home Sweet Home" plaque on the back of the seat in front of you. Invite your fellow passengers in for tea.
56.Describe your sex life in great detail to the five-year-old next to you.
57.During the meal, loudly explain that on time you ate shark fin soup and proceeded to puke all over the airplane, spewing chunks of shark on the other passengers.
58.Explain how, one time, the plane was crashing and the oxygen masks didn't come out, 'cause they aren't really reliable, and that if the plane was to crash, everyone would die.
59.Fart loudly and act shocked, looking around to see who did it.
60.Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he has a crowbar.(I actually advise u not to try this)
61.Give someone a coin, saying "Heads, I detonate the bomb. Tails, I don't".
62.Go into the bathroom and make rude bodily noises, then come out looking refreshed.
63.Go into the bathroom, drop your pants, then come out, yelling "We're out of toilet paper! Stewardess!".
64.Go into the cockpit, ask the pilot in an obnoxious voice "Why do the call it the COCKpit?".then snort as if it's the funniest thing in the world.
65.If someone has a bad toupee, whack it off.
66.Jump up and scream "AAAHHH!! I left the stove on!!"
67.Lead a revolt against the first class passengers.
68.Lean back in your seat, fold your arms behind your head and exclaim, "Thank God for auto-pilot, eh?"
69.Mess up your hair, untuck your shirt, basically look crude, and mingle with a first class guy as if you were long-lost friends.
70.Pinch the stewardess' butt as she passes.
71.Pretend you're flying the plane.
72.Put on a ten foot diameter sombrero and slouch in your seat, whacking everyone on the head.
73.Say, "Did you know every time a plane crashes, an angel gets its wings?" Then sigh and stare dreamily into the clouds.
74.Snap Polaroids of him or her. Pull out an empty photo album and arrange the pictures inside it. Tuck the album under your jacket and say, "You know, in some cultures they believe that when you take a person's photograph...you own their soul...," while smiling maniacally.
75.With the person next to you, discuss cannabilism among airline crash passengers on deserted islands.
At an amusement park:
76.Don't move with the line so that huge gaps form in front of you.
77.Wear a life preserver on to the water rides.
78.Begin to cry when they start the merry-go-round and have them stop it because you're too scared to go all the way.
79.Demand that you be measured for each and every ride you go on (especially if you're tall), just to make sure that you are tall enough and won't get hurt.
80.Offer people Monopoly cash for their places in line.
81.Don't put your lap bar down or buckle your seat belt. Make the attendant do it.
82.Tell people on line that they can't go on the ride because the sign said "Excessively overweight persons should not ride this attraction."
83.Everytime you pass a chain restraint not in use, clip it on and use it to hold back the people behind you in line.
84.Find someone and tell them that you're lost, and beg them to hold your hand until your parents show up.
85.Make a fake fast pass even if the park you're at doesn't sell them, and cut to the front of the line, waving it around.
86. Start a game of telephone while on line.
87.Go into the house of mirrors, and then tell people to hold hands and form a chain so that no one gets lost.
88.Jump into the fountains to steal all the money.
89.Dress up as a character, and while you're walking around curse out any little kid that wants to hug you.
90.If someone is buying their ride pictures, tell the seller that you would like a copy of their picture too.
91.Push the last person in line, and watch everyone fall over like dominoes.
92.Sit next to a random stranger on a roller coaster, and scream hysterically while you're going up a hill at 5mph. 93.Repeat everything someone says as a question.
94.Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
95.Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
96.Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."
97.Light road flares on a birthday cake.
98. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
99.At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
100.Ask people what gender they are.
101.Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
102.Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
103.Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
104.Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
105.Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
106.Wear a lot of cologne.(Some guys do this anyways)
107.Mow your lawn with scissors.
108.Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
109.Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times
110.Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
111.Make appointments for the 31st of September.
112.Invite lots of people to other people's parties.(People also do this)
113.Practice making fax and modem noises.
114.Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
115.Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
116.Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
117.Staple papers in the middle of the page.
118.Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
119.Honk and wave to strangers.
120.Put ur Msn status as 'Busy'. (Yes, people get annoyed by this)
121.TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE
122.As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
123.Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
124.Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
125.Drum on every available surface.
126.Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
127.Set alarms for random times.
128.Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip.."
129.Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
130.Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.(Make sure you have the ambulance number nearby)
131.Wear your pants backwards.
132. Begin all your sentences with "Ohh la la!"
133.Pay for your dinner with pennies.
134.Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
135.Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
136.Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
137.Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
138.Drive half a block.
139.Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
140."Forget" the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
141.Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
142.Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
143.Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
144.Ask to "interface" with someone.
145.Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
146.Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
147.Never make eye contact.
148.Never break eye contact.
149.Say "okay, you're gay" to anything someone says.
150.As people talk, smell their shoulders.
151.When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."
152.Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"
153.When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.
154.When standing near a "high-class person," ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off."
155.Switch your neighbor's lawn furniture with someone else's.
156.Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.
157.Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips.
158.Sample every flavor of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one.
159.Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off.
160.Insist completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is still President.
In an elevatorEvil grin:
161.Act like a dog, growl at people.
162.Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
163.Apply dripping red paint around the edge of the roof hatch. When someone enters, look upwards and whisper "I think they want in..."
164.Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Press the wrong ones.
165.Ask someone to take your temperature, then turn around and bend over.
166.Ask, “did you hear that cable snapping sound?”
167.Attempt to hypnotize the other passengers.
168.Bring a chair along
169.Bring easy math flash cards on the elevator and ask the person next to you to help you study them (get them wrong).
170.Burp, and then say “mmmm...tasty!” (People do this anyways)
171.Call out, “Group hug!” and enforce it. (I do that, Muhahaha ahem anyways...)
172.Call the psychic hotline from you cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you’re on.
173.Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
174.Stare at your hands and Keep saying 'Strangers hands' Then Stare at a pasanger.
175.Challenge people to games of hide-and-seek.
176.Collapse on the floor when the elevator goes up, then get up and look embarrassed.
177.Collect an elevator tax.
178.Turn around with your back to the door and glare at everyone.
179.Whisper to the buttons, 'First floor please'
180. Stare at your thumb and exclaim, 'I think its growing!'
181. Scream when going down.
182.Count down from 100,000 out loud.
183. Make a ticking noise, Look around trying to find the source, make the ticking faster as you put your ear against the passangers chest, stand straight glare at the passanger and shake your head.(By yours truly)
184.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
185.Do Tai Chi exercises.
186.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.”
187.Draw a volleyball on the wall of the elevator and insist you have been trapped in there for 3 months. Formally introduce everyone to the volleyball! (If one of you dont understand this-watch cast away)
188.Dress as a clergy member of the opposite sex.
189.Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”
190.Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
191.Give each passenger a round of applause as they enter or leave.
192.Give people lectures about the periodic table of elements
193.As a person enters, go real close and whispes, 'You Do know what people do in elevators, right?' and smile sugestively.(Do this preferably with the same sex)
194.Go into extreme detail explaining how you were trapped in an elevator once for two days.
195.Greet everyone with a smile and a handshake, then ignore them.
196.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
197.Guard the button panel so no one can touch it. Growl and bite at anyone’s fingers who attept to cross you.
198.Have a picnic in the elevator.
199.Have a seizure then when the elevator stops, get up, and pretend nothing happened. Repeat.
200.Hold the elevator door open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi John, how’s your day been?”
201. When making a left turn, purposefully pull out into the street, using your car to block all incoming traffic until somebody let's you in on the other side. It works brilliantly!
202. go to wal mart and secretly slip 24 pack condoms into peoples carts.
oh u shud add
203...pick up the phone...dial any random number...when sum1 picks up the phone...tell em the "please leave a msg afta the beep"...
204Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more
205Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream 'that's mine'
206Move your desk into the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
207 Leave a box in the corner and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
208 When the doors close, announce to the others, 'It's okay, don't panic, they open again.'
209 Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. Then look disapointed when nothing happens.
210 burp into a random person's ear
211 Yell across a crowded room to them: "Hey, John, the results came
back from the V.D. clinic: we're clean!"
212 When somebody asks, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" reply, "No, all
of them."
213 Pull up alongside somebody while driving on the freeway, and
gesture violently, indicating that they should pull over
immediately. When they pull over, just continue driving.
214 Play 'Penis.'
215 After somebody finishes telling a joke, say in a very grave tone,
"My brother (sister/mother/father) died that way."
216 Walk up behind somebody wearing a button down shirt or a short
sleeved collar shirt, insert your finger into the little strip of
fabric sewn across the top just below the collar, yell "FAG TAG!"
at the top of your lungs, and rip it off.
217 Pay for a tube of toothpaste with a check at the supermarket.
218 Send a letter with twenty-nine one cent stamps.
219 When someone asks, "Are there any questions?" ask, "Where do
babies come from?"
220 Take their hat
221 Grab a book that someone is reading, open it to the last page, and
read this out loud.
222 Take an envelope, fill it with baking powder or flour, and send it
to somebody.
223 Pay for an item at a store with all pennies. Count them slowly, then when you have a few more pennies, drop them, appologise profusely and start counting again, repeat, if necesary.
224 At a red light, put your car in gear and creep slowly forward,
while gesturing to the person in the car next to you that they
must be rolling backwards.
225 Tailgating can be one of the most effective forms of annoyance
know to man.
226 Walk up to someone you know, and say something to the effect of,
"Hey, did you hear what happened to insert name here? Well he/she was with...oh,
man, I really shouldn't tell you this. No, I promised I wouldn't
tell. No, I can't tell you, sorry."
227 When they are out of their room, move everything they own to a
different location.
228 Change all the preset stations on their car radio tuner to
classical and country/western stations.
229 At a movie theater, unwrap a candy bar as loudly as is humanly
possible, preferably during dialogue.
230 Take off the letters one of those sign boards that have the
removable letters. Spell rude things with them.
231 Answer the phone "Domino's Pizza, how can I help you?" at someone
else's house. Or at your own house, if you really want.
232 At night, rearrange somebody's furniture. At the very least,
they'll be surprised when they get up in the morning. But, better
yet, call them in the middle of the night, so they have to get up,
and stumble over a chair that wasn't there before.
233 As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
234 Go to a grocery store and stare at the rows of candy in the checkout line. When someone tries to pass you yell at them that you were first. After a while take a piece of candy and pay for it with a credit card and tell the clerk you forgot your pin number
235 walk up to a random person and just start talking about how annoying your family is. if they try to walk away, just follow them and keep talking. always funny. oh, and make sure it's not like an old lady who'll return the favor.
236 on the main street in town, or in a mall or something, look for someone fairly far away who isnt about to go into a shop. then run after them screaming "JESUS! JESUS! SAVE ME JESUS!" and spear tackle them when you finally reach them. even better if they have lots of shopping
237 when sitting behind somone, sniff them every 10 or 15 seconds, if they look back, sniff yourself then look at them suspiciously

Effective Ways On How To Annoy/Scare/Weird Out The Living Daylights Outta People (on elevators, in computer labs, etc.)

1. Repeat everything the person says in a question.
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World." incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
4. Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh no, not now, damn motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally.
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say, "I wonder what all these do." and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
25. Ask every passenger that goes up if you can press the button for them.
26. Log on to a computer, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream: "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
27. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
28. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the dang thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
29. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
30. Bring a chain saw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
31. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
32. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
33. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, and then when it's all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
34. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
35. Send e-mails constantly to the person next to you.
36. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
37. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
38. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
39. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
40. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
41. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
42. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
43. Swat at flies that don't exist.
44. Dance, while drumming noisily against the walls.
45. Lay in the elevator in a sleeping bag with your pillow in your pajamas with one of those eye mask things on, and pretend to be asleep and snore loudly.

THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in house wares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"

17. Throw skittles at people and yell, "Taste the rainbow!'

18. Go the toy section, get a light-saber and start challenging people to a Jedi match.

19. Follow a random person and if they turn and ask why are you following me yell, "No I won't have sex with you!"


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Guns and Roses by BrownEyedBeauty1901 reviews
It seemed as though whenever Edward Cullen was involved, I suddenly became very unsmart. The thing was that if staying away made me smart, I never wanted to be smart again. Billionaire and Mob Boss Edward Cullen needs a wife and heir and Isabella is just looking for love. For her, there was only him. A secret agreement ties them together forever, but will they find love? Mafiaward.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 49,206 - Reviews: 719 - Favs: 652 - Follows: 1,024 - Updated: 9/8/2014 - Published: 10/14/2013 - [Bella, Edward]
Heart and Soul by Kim Ginsberg reviews
Edward and Isabella have been the best of friends since they were in diapers, they are now in their first year of high school. What happens when one of them is diagnosed with Terminal Cancer, Leukemia. Is it Edward or Bella? Read to find out. R/R.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 16,705 - Reviews: 228 - Favs: 215 - Follows: 163 - Updated: 8/25/2012 - Published: 9/13/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
1918 by TwilightobsessedfanxoxoEdward reviews
When present day Edward and Bella are sucked back in time to the year 1918-the year Edward was made a vampire-their lives turn to chaos. Edward is human again and him and Bella have to battle through long lost love, secrets, and survive the deadly flu...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,802 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 12/3/2009 - Published: 7/13/2009 - Edward, Bella
Songs I Love
These are the songs I listen too. M for swearing.
Misc. Books - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,138 - Published: 11/29/2014