OneSizeFitsAll
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Poll: Which are your favourite elves? A parody. Vote Now!
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Joined 04-25-14, id: 5687387, Profile Updated: 07-21-19
Author has written 22 stories for Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Thor, Hobbit, Frozen, Batman Begins/Dark Knight, and Silmarillion.

Hey peeps!

It’s been a looooong time since I’ve updated my profile, and I think it kinda needs it, so here you go.

For anyone new here, I commonly go by Gem, Fitz, or OneSize. You can also call me OneSizeFitsAll, but it takes forever to type, so I rarely bother.I started writing fanfic when I was 14 (and had no life). Lately I haven’t been as active, but I do still love writing (of all sorts), LotR (and a multitude of other fandoms), and the amazing community here, so hopefully it will be a while before I completely disappear.

I have a tough time keeping up with PMs and reviews (high school is crazy, yo, and college promises to be worse), but I will occasionally upload a new story and I even remain almost active on The Amazing Story Game forum. Lord of the Rings has been and always will be my friend one true fandom and I mostly write (and read) humor and parody.

So much for fanfic stuff. Here are some random things most of my friends already know about me.

- I’m a Christian. I’m not talking “I go to church once a week and try to be a good person and I know where I’m going where I die”. I’m talking Jesus loved me somehow and died so that I could have the relationship with God that I certainly don’t deserve, and I took him up on the offer. He’s my creator, my savior, my Dad, my King, and my very best friend all at the same time, and he has completely changed who I am.

- I am an ENFP, which is fun. I love people, puns, and polka-dots. (Also alliteration.)

- I have a really mean and morbid sense of humor, which I hesitate to use around people I don’t know especially well (I’m paranoid about hurting people’s feelings). You may sense it in my fanfics, though.

- My favourite colour is yellow, my favourite season is Fall (but that may change at some point), my favourite movie is probably How to Train Your Dragon, and my favourite ice cream flavour is butter pecan.

- My bucket-list includes: having a glow-in-the-dark paint fight, watching all 3 Hobbits and all 3 Lord of the Rings back to back within 24 hours (UPDATE: HA I DID THIS), publishing a novel, eating an entire can of whipped cream (plain), visiting every continent (except maybe Antarctica), and walking through the Checkers walk through (why? idk).

- I reaaaaaallllllyyyyy love Chick-fil-a milkshakes.

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Clever Conversations by AnnaAgatha reviews
Cleverbot helped me write some interesting conversations from LotR, The Hobbit and The Silmarillion. It is very silly, I've warned you. If you have suggestions about what to do next, let me know! I'd love your input.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 19 - Words: 5,235 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 10/12/2016 - Published: 12/7/2013 - Bilbo B., Galadriel, Faramir, Denethor
Life of Lindir by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
Current: Lindir intends to get rid of his enemies with the best weapon imaginable: blackmail! But when the tables are turned, what will the minstrel to do save his skin? Life of Lindir: A collection of Lindir stories. Currently contains Four parts. Written because the lesser Elves deserve more love!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 30 - Words: 30,734 - Reviews: 252 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 2/5/2016 - Published: 6/20/2014 - Lindir
An Overdue Celebration, Planned by Eönwë and Mairon by NirCele reviews
Eönwë and Mairon are a little jealous. Why can the Elves celebrate this new 'Yule' when the Maiar don't ever get parties? The two friends take matters into their own hands, deciding upon a party and present-exchanging. It gets a little...out of control. Second story in the FanFiction Christmas Countdown 2015.
Silmarillion - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,005 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 5 - Published: 12/14/2015 - Eönwë, Sauron, Ilmarë, Maiar - Complete
The Lord of the Braces by Pip the Dark Lord of All reviews
This is a parody of the Lord of the Rings. In which all dentists are evil. If you are a dentist you might not like this. Dentists will be insulted. And probably die. FOTR IS FINISHED!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 55 - Words: 37,483 - Reviews: 410 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 9/28/2015 - Published: 12/16/2014 - Bilbo B., Gandalf, Samwise G., Peregrin T.
Survival of the Fellowship by rogue planet 13 reviews
Alternate sequel to LOTR. The fellowship has failed and Sauron has taken over Middle Earth. Understandably, the first targets for his revenge are the little creeps who tried to destroy his precious. All canon characters. Absolutely no OCs whatsoever.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Suspense/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 36,379 - Reviews: 195 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 8/13/2015 - Published: 6/22/2014 - Complete
HIT IT TIGWIT by Alex Hollister reviews
Tigwit (alias Feren) grows tired of his job as Thranduil's gatekeeper and decides to pursue a career in music, but his many money-making schemes seldom go as planned.
Hobbit - Rated: K - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 11 - Words: 10,349 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 7/15/2015 - Published: 12/30/2014 - Legolas, Elvenking Thranduil, Lindir, Feren
How to Train Your Nazgul by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
Frodo needs to make his mark. How can he prove to Gandalf that he is more than he seems?
Crossover - Lord of the Rings & How to Train Your Dragon - Rated: K - English - Parody/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,965 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 6/30/2015 - Published: 4/29/2014 - Frodo B., Peregrin T., Legolas, Nazgul
Melkor's Restaurant by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
Melkor's Restaurant serves food fit for the halls of Mandos! Only fresh ingredients used. No shirt, no shoes, no service. Open 24/7 every day of the week.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Adventure - Chapters: 14 - Words: 16,615 - Reviews: 225 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 6/30/2015 - Published: 7/13/2014 - Frodo B., Aragorn, Legolas, Sauron
Nazgul Communications by LaurielS reviews
What the Nazguls secretly thought during the LOTR. Chapter 5 (Chapter 1 not yet written), Post Bruinen. The Nazguls have failed, and now they must face Sauron himself. Oh the horror!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,133 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 6/19/2015 - Published: 1/5/2015
Nine Names For Trouble by Earial13 reviews
Who ever said wraiths were dull and hissy all the time? A compilation of tales concerning the (mis)adventures of the Nazgûl (who perhaps are not as competent as we were led to believe) and their witchified Captain. Such escapades, much chaos.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 23,610 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 6/2/2015 - Published: 6/2/2014 - Frodo B., Sauron, Witch-King of Angmar, Nazgul - Complete
This War is Over by Levade reviews
For those who sacrifice their all.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 441 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 7 - Published: 5/25/2015 - Complete
Middle Earth: Its Mental Condition by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
The characters in LOTR might be more mentally handicapped than we think. Diagnoses of all our favourite LOTR characters' mental problems. Bonus! Contains cures. (Some parts only make sense if you've seen the extended editions of the films) (And yes, that picture is a little disturbing)
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 19 - Words: 8,840 - Reviews: 194 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 3/5/2015 - Published: 5/14/2014
Crepuscular Incunabula by rogue planet 13 reviews
Supposedly, orcs were once elves who were tortured by Morgoth until they changed their shape. That was in the first age. Can it happen again? This is a crossover between the orc genre and elf zombie/vampire. I had to change the rating to T because the body count started getting too high.
Crossover - Lord of the Rings & Hobbit - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 22 - Words: 53,188 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 2/22/2015 - Published: 4/25/2014 - Saruman, Sauron, Grima W., Nazgul
Clash of the Fandoms by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
A fangirl is dragged into her fandoms, only to find that her heroes all want to kill her. *distant buzzing voices saying 'exterminate'* Will she escape? Will she stay true to her fandoms? Or will she... oh forget it. Fandoms include: LotR, Doctor Who, Thor/Avengers, Sherlock, PotC, and the Hobbit. Not your typical 'girl falls into middle earth/pirate ship/tardis' story.
Crossover - Lord of the Rings & Avengers - Rated: K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 4,457 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 1/25/2015 - Published: 11/12/2014 - Aragorn, Legolas, Thor, Loki - Complete
Thranduil Drops In by rogue planet 13 reviews
Fed up with all the Mary Sues dropping into Middle Earth, Thranduil decides to pay a visit to the human world.
Hobbit - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,337 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 1/23/2015 - Published: 1/7/2015 - Legolas, Elvenking Thranduil, Radagast - Complete
Avengers of Middle Earth by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
What if it were the Avengers who went to destroy the One Ring? Rated K plus for maybe some disturbing scenes. Please R&R!
Crossover - Lord of the Rings & Avengers - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,798 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 1/22/2015 - Published: 5/17/2014 - Black Widow/Natasha R., Captain America/Steve R., Iron Man/Tony S., Hawkeye/Clint B.
A Night at Rivendell by EvenstarWarrior reviews
When Lord Elrond plans a VIP concert for the peoples of Middle Earth, somethings don't go exactly as planned, and when an uninvited guest shows up...only the best can be hoped for. Rated T for very vague references to drugs and smoking, and Tauriel bashing.
Crossover - Lord of the Rings & Hobbit - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,746 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Published: 1/6/2015 - Complete
Lord Elrond's Musical Aggravation by Phillica Clayaway reviews
Oh no! Another of Lindir's abominable hits! All sane elves run for cover. The problem is, Lord Elrond isn't exactly sane...*Batman music plays* Or is he?
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,727 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/5/2015
Snaga by Alex Hollister reviews
Orc Pegrun finds one of the 7 dwarf rings and gets a single chance from Galadriel to help Middle-Earth; by feeding the ring to one of the only dragons left. But that means a jaunt to Mordor with a highly-allergic she-Haradrim, a bookish hobbit, and a kleptomaniacal dwarf and maladjusted elf who both plan to kill him when its over. June TA 3018.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 16,137 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 1/1/2015 - Published: 2/4/2014 - Boromir, Galadriel, Saruman, Gollum
Christmas on Baker Street by rogue planet 13 reviews
Eleventh story in the Fanfiction Christmas Countdown. Sherlock and John go shopping...Mrs. Hudson throws a Christmas party...Mycroft gets poisoned...all the usual holiday stuff. Don't worry; no death in this story. No slash, either.
Sherlock - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,257 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 6 - Published: 12/24/2014 - Mycroft H., DI Lestrade, Molly Hooper, J. Moriarty - Complete
Misrepresented by Thalion Estel reviews
What was supposed to be a fun and joyous Christmas turns into a day full of anger and retribution when Elrond discovers the terrible crime committed against his people in a classic Christmas special. A Christmas one-shot.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,018 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/24/2014 - Aragorn, Legolas, Arwen U., Elrond - Complete
Red Bicycle by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
The Doctor realizes to his great agitation that he forgot to give Rose her red bicycle on her twelfth birthday. He rushes back to do it, and bumps into... never mind, that's ;) ...spoilers! Day Ten of the Fan Fiction Christmas Countdown.
Doctor Who - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,435 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 9 - Published: 12/23/2014 - 9th Doctor, 10th Doctor, Rose T., 11th Doctor - Complete
Gift Receipts Required by rogue planet 13 reviews
Eighth story in the Christmas Countdown series. Explains why Father Christmas doesn't bring presents to children during the daytime.
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,487 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Published: 12/21/2014 - Father Christmas, Lucy Pevensie, Peter Pevensie, Susan Pevensie - Complete
In Search of the North Pole by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
Captain Jack and crew decide that it's time that Father Christmas visited the Caribbean. Written as part of the Fan Fiction Christmas Countdown. Day 7.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,996 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/20/2014 - Will T., Elizabeth S., Weatherby S./Governor Swann, Capt. Jack Sparrow - Complete
The Sunwheel by rogue planet 13 reviews
Sixth story in the Fanfiction Christmas Countdown series. Set shortly after the first movie. The Vikings celebrate Yule with traditional rites such as the sunwheel, a wooden ring lit on fire and rolled down a hill to celebrate the return of the sun. This is actually a very dangerous practice... K plus for some minor language on Astrid's part.
How to Train Your Dragon - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,749 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/19/2014 - Astrid, Stoick, Toothless, Spitelout - Complete
Mission: Impossible- Calling Birds by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
Part 2. of the Fan Fiction Christmas Countdown project. Based on the film Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. Ethan Hunt and his team must go to an office party to steal some files… but will they have a chance to between awkward situations, silly party games, and someone trying his best to hinder them?
Mission: Impossible - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,220 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Published: 12/17/2014 - W. Brandt, Benji D., Ethan H., Jane C. - Complete
White Elephant by rogue planet 13 reviews
Second story in the Fanfiction Christmas Countdown series. Tony Stark holds a white elephant gift exchange at Stark Tower. All the Avengers are invited. Some other people come too.
Avengers - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,405 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Published: 12/15/2014 - Hawkeye/Clint B., Hulk/Bruce B., Nick F., Erik S. - Complete
The Iron Hills Mall by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
Part of the Fan Fiction Christmas Countdown. Day 1. Thranduil, Legolas, and Tauriel go Christmas shopping... at the same time... at the same mall. Of course, unexpected encounters are prolific.
Hobbit - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,209 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 6 - Published: 12/14/2014 - Elrond, Legolas, Elvenking Thranduil, Tauriel - Complete
Middle Earth Virtual Tours by LaurielS reviews
Ever wanted to explore Middle Earth, but not wishing to leave the comforts of home? Middle Earth Virtual Tours is your choice travel agency! Follow The Author as she explores ME, not keeping her thoughts to herself. Sixth vacation spot: Mirk-GREENwood (sets in Third Age). This is a parody- you have been warned. Reviews and Comments are highly appreciated.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,991 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 12/12/2014 - Published: 7/28/2014 - Frodo B., Legolas, Sauron, Eomer
Philosophy of Fear by Silenthunder reviews
An explanation about the reasons behind Scarecrow's motives, from the mouth of Scarecrow himself.
Batman - Rated: K+ - English - Mystery/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 906 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/31/2014 - J. Crane/Scarecrow - Complete
Why is Everything in Mordor so Sharp and Pointy? by MASHlover23 reviews
An average Orc explains why everything in Mordor is pointy, and has spikes protruding outwards from it. He explains why the trend is useless and awful. He also touches on the world of high fashion in Mordor.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,167 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/24/2014 - Orc, Sauron - Complete
Sick Aragorn by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
'Is he dead' I asked timidly. 'It appears,' he said slowly, 'that he is.' Humorous story dedicated to all those who wanted me to write a Sick!Aragorn story. Because Erestor says everyone should have one! :D Please Read and Review!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,056 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 7/7/2014 - Published: 7/2/2014 - Aragorn, Elrond - Complete
The Adventures of MOS by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
It might not be as easy as it looks to be Sauron's right-hand man. The Mouth of Sauron has a very interesting life, and perhaps it is not always pleasant. Humorous fic by my younger sister, MOSObsessed. :D Rated for scariness and some slight violence. Please read and review! :D Starring Mouth of Sauron, though he's not on the characters list. :(
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,177 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/30/2014 - Saruman, Sauron, Grima W.
Mary Sue: Politically Correct in Every Way by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
What happens when a politicallycorrect!Sue finds herself in Middle Earth? Fun one-shot. Please read and review! :D
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 673 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 6 - Published: 6/24/2014 - OC - Complete
The Uruk-Hai Wannabe by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
Rather self-explanatory title. A little Orc always dreamed of being an Uruk-Hai. Will his dream ever be fulfilled? A look from the point of view of Orcs and other (perhaps) misunderstood characters from LOTR. Rated for black speech (:P) and being sympathetic towards bad guys. Oh, and, um, please review?
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,233 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 6/22/2014 - Published: 5/19/2014 - Saruman, Grima W., Uruk-hai, Orc
Shmi by rogue planet 13 reviews
The truth about Anakin's parentage. With a bonus preview of Episode VII.
Star Wars - Rated: K - English - Family/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,137 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/20/2014
A Half-Elven Mishap by rogue planet 13 reviews
It isn't easy being only half-elven. Lord Elrond gets into a scrape involving two mischievous sons, an ambitious lieutenant, and some unwanted facial hair.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,389 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 5 - Published: 5/29/2014 - Elrond, Elrohir, Lindir, Elladan - Complete
Jarvis' Revenge by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
Sequel short story to Cookies. Jarvis is not happy that he was left out. Neither is Pepper Potts, as it turns out.
Avengers - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 702 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 9 - Published: 5/15/2014 - Pepper P., Jarvis - Complete
Mission: Survival by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
A sequel to Mission: Suicide (If you haven't read it, do right now!) Denethor has a change of heart. But is it too late to save his life, now that he wants to? Warning: OCs in this one. If you hate OCs. . .still read it. :) Rated T for freakishly scary mental images that may come to mind, and lots and lots of menace. (Joking. Actually not that scary ;))
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,992 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 5/14/2014 - Published: 5/12/2014 - Boromir, Faramir, Denethor - Complete
Faramir's Forum by rogue planet 13 reviews
Faramir starts a forum for abused and misunderstood younger siblings, but some of the members get a little carried away...
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,707 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 4 - Published: 5/11/2014 - Boromir, Legolas, Eomer, Elrohir - Complete
Mission: Suicide by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey reviews
Denethor, steward of Gondor, is weary of life. Unfortunately (or fortunately) his frequent attempts at suicide have all ended in failure. Rated T for violence and menace, but nothing more. This short story is funnier if you've seen the films. And yes, it is humorous, even though it starts out seeming sad. ;( Labelled complete, but I might make a few tweaks.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,016 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Published: 5/7/2014 - Boromir, Faramir, Denethor - Complete
The Most Important Question by Sauron Gorthaur reviews
...is - what color are Loki's eyes? Thor and Loki read their fanmail and discuss the important things in life.
Thor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,934 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 4 - Published: 1/10/2014 - Thor, Loki - Complete
How to Live with a Demigod 101 by Insanity's Servant reviews
The Avengers have dis-Assembled and returned to their (somewhat) normal lives... until a superpower-less Loki shows up in Manhattan, and Director Fury designates Agent Clint Barton as a temporary demigod-sitter. Eventually, the whole team is brought back together in an effort to cope with the situation. Rated K-plus for explosions, insanity, and coffee abuse. Written by Alassiel.
Avengers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 40 - Words: 45,892 - Reviews: 453 - Favs: 142 - Follows: 138 - Updated: 9/14/2013 - Published: 12/28/2012 - Hawkeye/Clint B., Loki - Complete
A Worm on a Hook by Hautuumaa reviews
A rumour in Goblin Town has it that something in the lake under the High Pass eats and kills things bigger than fish. This does not stop the king from sending down fishers every now and then.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,779 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 7 - Published: 6/20/2013 - Orc - Complete
Lord of the Phones by Gigigue reviews
Frodo inherits the one iPhone and goes on an epic quest to destroy it. Until all the readers realize that it's not so epic. In fact, it's downright stupid. Well, maybe not quite that far. Let's just say, insane, wacko, bizarre, weirdness. If you read, beware of mind-blowing oddity. And crazy parodies of life. That works. Yeah, now read it.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 81 - Words: 36,566 - Reviews: 406 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 41 - Updated: 4/17/2013 - Published: 11/25/2012 - Complete
How Middle-Earth Turned Into Mars by Gigigue reviews
How Middle-Earth turned into Mars. There. It's pretty self-explanatory. If you need help, go through it word by word: How, Middle, Earth, turned, into, Mars. Got it? Good. Now click on this story and read it. One-shot. No slash.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,435 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 11 - Published: 12/29/2012 - Samwise G., Peregrin T. - Complete
The Quest for a Coat by FebruarySong reviews
When Frodo horribly tears his coat, the Fellowship is forced to enter the deep darkness of...the local mall. There they face fangirls, coatracks, and other angsty evils. Oneshot.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,230 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 6 - Published: 7/17/2007 - Complete
A Taste of Disaster by Nili reviews
Elrond is fed up with all the catastrophes and has come up with a solution. It does not really work, and so the next kidnapping is inevitable. Now Elrond is annoyed, Aragorn and Legolas are bored – and the kidnappers quickly see that they made a mistake.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 37,576 - Reviews: 164 - Favs: 300 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 9/21/2006 - Published: 8/28/2006 - Aragorn, Legolas - Complete
Curse of the Elf and Ranger by Erestor reviews
Once, the elves of Rivendell sang happy songs. Once, Elrond was regularly heard to exclaim, 'how jolly' or 'how marvelous'. Then something went wrong. Bandaging his foster son for the 20th time, Elrond began to find it difficult to be so upbeat...
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,575 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 82 - Follows: 12 - Published: 8/15/2006 - Elrond, Aragorn - Complete
Wyze Lies by Erestor reviews
Sequel to AtM. Erestor has uncovered a vast conspiracy, or thinks he has. Relentlessly pursued by those who want to silence him, his only hope is to undermine Glorfindel's credibility once and for all. Also features Legolas and Arwen. COMPLETE.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 22,385 - Reviews: 84 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 8/14/2006 - Published: 6/20/2006 - Erestor, Glorfindel - Complete
The Silliest Silmarillion Parody by Horsesrule reviews
Chaos reigns. Includes exclusive cameo appearances.
Silmarillion - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,706 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/16/2005
On All Hallow's Eve by Avalon Estel reviews
Halloween in Rivendell is usually a time that Lord Elrond dreads. But this year, it's going to be different. Very, very different. Cowritten with Erestor. [Oneshot: Complete]
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,655 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 15 - Published: 10/31/2005 - Glorfindel, Elrond - Complete
Seven Sons by Ithiliel Silverquill reviews
A drabble cycle, consisting of one drabble for each of the seven sons of Fëanor.
Silmarillion - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 988 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 7/8/2005 - Published: 7/1/2005
Red Ink by Erestor reviews
Glorfindel. Erestor. Nightmares. Red ink.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,631 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 13 - Published: 6/21/2005 - Glorfindel, Erestor - Complete
A New Form of Torture by Avalon Estel reviews
Set of dishes from Far Harad: 50 copper coins. New upholstery: 35 silver coins. Purebred horse: 42 gold coins. The look on Erestor's face when you tell him he's watching the kids: priceless. ON HIATUS.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,167 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 4/11/2005 - Published: 3/28/2005 - Glorfindel, Elrohir
My Lord Thy Blood Pressure! by Terachi Kaishaku reviews
Written in an overblown, humorous imitation of Tolkien's writing style, this explains just why Glorfindel wasn't in the movie.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,197 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 9/19/2004 - Published: 9/16/2004 - Elrond, Glorfindel
Celeborn's Club by Erestor reviews
What happens when Celeborn forms a club for Elves who feel Left Out? And what happens when his club just happens to include his archenemy: King Thranduil? Does stupidity ever pay? COMPLETE
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 8,682 - Reviews: 166 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 7/22/2004 - Published: 3/6/2004 - Complete
Trapped in an Elevator by Erestor reviews
A scheming security guard and an ambitious ElfPrince become blackmailers when an elevator breaks down... with Thranduil and Gimli stuck inside it. Not just humor, there is drama!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 10,492 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 5/19/2004 - Published: 5/13/2004 - Erestor, Legolas - Complete
The Coffee Plot by Erestor reviews
A man from Harad introduces coffee to Imladris. When Elrond accidentally samples some of it, we discover why Elves shouldn't have caffeine. Predictably, chaos ensues.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,718 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 112 - Follows: 16 - Published: 4/29/2004 - Elrond, Erestor - Complete
Happenings on the Road to Helm's Deep by Erestor reviews
Eomer hates technology. PG for mild violence towards inanimate objects.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 978 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 7 - Published: 11/26/2003 - Eomer - Complete
A Course in Facial Contortions by Erestor reviews
Nowadays Elves are always raising one eyebrow. You see it everywhere. But where do they learn how to accomplish this feat? Is it as simple as it looks? Of course not... REVISED May '06
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,582 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 11 - Published: 10/27/2003 - Elrond - Complete
Aiya! by Flame Tigress reviews
"Do you know how Orcs first came into being? They were Elves once..." -- An orc on guard at Barad-dur sees the single star that Sam saw in Mordor and unknowingly, shows that he retains a last shred of Elvishness in his corrupted nature.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,371 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/14/2003
Don't Look Back Look Left! by Terachi Kaishaku reviews
If you study the Elves in LOTR, they all have a tendency to look to their left. Why is this so? Well it all dates back to the death of Finrod..
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 947 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/20/2003 - Galadriel
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To Understand reviews
Therapy sessions with Elrond. The Lord of Imladris struggles to come to grips with his family drama. (Not as funny as it sounds.) Two-shot.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Angst/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,414 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 1/29/2017 - Published: 1/25/2017 - Arwen U., Elrond, Elrohir, Elladan
Mighty Mjolnir reviews
Various avengers try to pick up Thor's mighty hammer. Will any of them succeed?
Thor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,205 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 5/1/2015 - Published: 7/3/2014 - Agent Coulson, C. Barton/Hawkeye - Complete
Madame Goldberry reviews
Galadriel should have guessed that getting Goldberry a vacation home in Lothlorien was a bad idea. And now Haldir, Rumil, and Orophin must share her suffering. Cowritten with Lily Lindsey-Aubery.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,278 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 5 - Published: 3/8/2015 - Galadriel, Haldir, Rúmil - Complete
Best Wishes, Lady Galadriel! reviews
When Galadriel hires Orophin as wedding coordinator, things start to get out of hand. But what can you expect when Orophin never has a clue as to what's going on? Valentine's Day special.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,475 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/13/2015 - Galadriel, Haldir, Celebrian, Rúmil
A Reasonable Defence reviews
Several dislikable characters write a series of papers defending themselves and their actions. Includes good guys as well as bad guys...for anyone who feels like the world doesn't fully appreciate him.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Angst - Chapters: 21 - Words: 29,693 - Reviews: 281 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 1/22/2015 - Published: 5/13/2014 - Faramir, Sauron, Grima W., Nazgul
A Short Novella reviews
New Year's Eve special. Elrond endeavours to write a short novella about Estel's happy childhood. He is interrupted frequently. A sequel of sorts to the Annual Imladris Christmas party, but may stand alone.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,000 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 6 - Published: 12/31/2014 - Aragorn, Elrond, Glorfindel, Erestor - Complete
The Annual Imladris Christmas Party reviews
Lord Elrond's plans to make Estel's childhood a happy one appear to be foiled when Gandalf and the Imladris elves call strike.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,077 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 7 - Published: 12/25/2014 - Elrond, Glorfindel, Erestor, Lindir - Complete
The Darth Mall reviews
Day Nine of the FFCC. Darth Vader goes to the mall on Dark Side Friday in quest of the perfect gift.
Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,777 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/22/2014 - Darth Vader, E. Palpatine, Obi-Wan K., Qui-Gon J. - Complete
Christmas Night in Arkham reviews
When the laws change to force Arkham asylum to hold a traditional Christmas for it's inmates, Rachel recruits Bruce Wayne to sponsor, and attend, the Arkham Christmas party. What with letters to Santa Claus, loud music, and a butler in a Santa costume, it seems that Christmas this year could not only be ridiculous and chaotic, but also dangerous.
Batman Begins/Dark Knight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,118 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 4 - Published: 12/18/2014 - Bruce W./Batman, Alfred P., J. Crane, Rachel D. - Complete
The True Christmas Spirit reviews
The third story in the Fan Fiction Christmas Countdown. When Olaf finds a special letter to Santa Claus, he decides to make Prince Hans' Christmas a happy one. Fortunately or unfortunately, things don't turn out exactly as he expects...
Frozen - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,616 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 5 - Published: 12/16/2014 - Hans, Sven, Olaf, Hans' brothers - Complete
A Morning Visit reviews
"Great," thought Erestor. "Now I have my two least favourite people in my room." No slash. Rated for hilarity, violence in the way of pillows and books, vain balrog slayers, abuse of a certain feline, and foul usage of fell language. Warning: Ccgaylord, one of the best literary critics I know, says that this story has "no plot". He is definitely right.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,999 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/6/2014 - Glorfindel, Erestor, Lindir, Elladan - Complete
Younger Than You reviews
Estel is younger than Alderon. Angst/drama/horror/tragedy/crime/enemyship. Warning: Lily Lindsey-Aubery hated this story. Dedicated to Lily, and all those who favourited my story, A Reasonable Defence. Rated for annoying characters, bullying, etc. R&R! To like or not to like...that is the question. :P
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,352 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 4 - Published: 9/16/2014 - Aragorn, Elrond, Glorfindel, Erestor - Complete
To Make A Girl Like You reviews
"Who would ever marry you?" exclaimed Tauriel, her cheeks flushed and her eyes sparkling dangerously. "You're so FAT!" The secret to Legolas's angsty past. Rated T for mild violence and some sappiness. Dedicated to all those who have reviewed my story, A Reasonable Defence. :)
Hobbit - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,152 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/11/2014 - Legolas, Kíli - Complete
A Guy Named Rich reviews
When huge armies of orcs and chitauri start entering the galaxy through a mysterious portal, the jedi council knows they need gather their own army...from other fandoms. But to gather such an army requires movie switching and a bi-polar almost-not-quite-an-OC. (Please don't run.) Star Wars/Hobbit/LOTR/Avengers universes, plus a few references to other films thrown in.
Crossover - Star Wars & Hobbit - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,156 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 7/15/2014 - Published: 7/2/2014 - Padmé Amidala, Count Dooku, M. Windu, Thorin
The Seven Eyes of Sauron reviews
An innocent dinner party becomes the launching of an epic mission, when Gandalf uncovers Aragorn's deep, dark secret. The former Fellowship of the Ring, short one member, becomes a criminal organization, intent on stealing from some of the most influential people in Middle Earth. Rated T for mild violence.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Parody/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,481 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 6/24/2014 - Published: 5/16/2014 - Frodo B., Gandalf, Peregrin T., Gimli
Why Balrogs Can't Fly reviews
The truth about Balrogs.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 920 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Published: 6/23/2014 - Complete
Sailing Moon reviews
When a young fairy named Omiel finds one of the three Silmarils, she makes it her mission to return it to its owner. But once she joins up with a peculiar wizard-or, at least, a wizard wannabe, a suspicious dwarf who never can get anyone's name right, an ex-Faramir-fan, a pizza loving snaga, a goth balrog, and many others, she accomplishes a quite different purpose.
Crossover - Lord of the Rings & Silmarillion - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 11,104 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 6/15/2014 - Published: 4/28/2014 - Galadriel, Faramir, Saruman, Celeborn
A Resort for Random Elves reviews
Galadriel, Elrond, and Gildor simultaneously decide that blonde elves who never do anything important need to take holidays. But when Haldir, Glorfindel, and Gildor himself all go to the Resort for Random Elves, they find it one of the most strenuous experiences of their lives. It seems nutcases don't get along well together. Until Haldir develops a clever plan.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Crime - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,624 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 5/16/2014 - Published: 5/12/2014 - Galadriel, Haldir, Glorfindel - Complete
The Dead Pool reviews
Legolas and Thranduil, led by Gollum, go on an epic (or not so epic) quest to throw coins into the dead marshes. But the outcome of their mission isn't exactly what any of them expect. Rated T for scary, disturbing mental images but no more.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,605 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 13 - Published: 5/13/2014 - Legolas, Gollum, Thranduil - Complete
The Force Call reviews
Regina Spektor sings a short song about Anakin and Luke Skywalker. Parody of The Call.
Star Wars - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 248 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 5/11/2014 - Anakin Skywalker - Complete
The Witch King of Angmar reviews
The Witch King tells the story of the battle of Pellenor Fields like it really happened.Or maybe how it didn't. Never trust a Nazgul! One shot. Contains some very mild gore...if I should rate it T let me know.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,131 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/10/2014 - Eowyn, Witch-King of Angmar - Complete
The Escalator of Orthanc reviews
What if Gandalf was a great enough wizard to do a very simple thing-like, well, opening a door? And what if, instead of a normal staircase in Orthanc, there was a long, spiraling circular escalator with an up/down switch at the top and bottom? And an elevator that goes way too fast? How would the Saruman vs. Gandalf fight have gone then? Well, as it turns out, pretty much the same.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 716 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/2/2014 - Gandalf, Saruman - Complete
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