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Joined 04-10-04, id: 569632
Author has written 11 stories for Kim Possible, Twilight Zone, Zenon, Lizzie McGuire, Fairy Tales, X-Men: Evolution, M*A*S*H, StarTrek: Other, and Harry Potter.

Hi- My name is Lt. Mara Carson, and I am (blank) years old. I have adopted the rank of 1st lieutenant as my own just cause. :) My favorite TV show is most definitely M*A*S*H, and I am in love with Hawkeye Pierce, so I will be changing my screenname very soon. I am going to start writing M*A*S*H fanfics as soon as I finish some of my other stories. Here are some of my favorite M*A*S*H quotes. It's gonna be long, so consider yourselves warned! :)

Margaret: Ow! What was that?
Hawkeye: load of B-1 to get you on your feet again.
Margaret: Oh. And I didn't get you anything.
-Hot Lips and Empty Arms

Margaret: Frank, you can move your hand, or lose it.

Margaret: You different men are all alike!

Margaret: Oh go salute yourself!

Margaret: "That is so beneath me!"
Hawkeye: "I was hoping for that position myself."

Radar: My animals are careless, but they’re loyal.
Hawkeye: Not as loyal as my still. All it asks is a little alcohol, some corn mash, and what does it give in return? Liquid love.
-Bug Out

Hawkeye: Lend me your pen, Frank.
Frank: No! You'll ruin the point; it's used to the way I write!
Hawkeye: It's used to stupid?
lol love that one

Trapper: Klinger's not a pervert!
Margaret: How do you know?
Trapper: Because I'm one, and he's never at the meetings!

Trapper, reading his mail: Bad news from my wife. She still loves me. Would you believe this? She still thinks I got sent to Korea as part of some secret plot to cheat on her!
Hawkeye: Well, didn't you?
Trapper: Yeah, but how did she figure it out?

Trapper, discussing the Bible: I peeked at the end, Frank. The devil did it.

Frank: Friends?
Trapper: That’s right, Frank: friends. No more anger, no more hostility...friends. Now shut up, Frank, before i kill ya.

Margaret: I am not looking for a truce with these two shower tent peekers!
Trapper: Ya peek into one shower and you're labeled for life.

Margaret: Look, I love it when you're brave. I love it when a man takes charge. Now get up and do what I tell you!
(one of my absolute fav. quotes)

Frank, commenting on the Swamp: Pigpen, brothel.
Hawkeye: Here.
Trapper: Yo!

Margaret: He's right, Colonel, they’re both just impossible!
Trapper: You stay out of this, Hot Lips, or I’ll stop selling tickets to your shower day!

Hawkeye, discussing his distaste for guns: I will not carry a gun... I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even hari-kari if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!

Frank: Unless we all conform, unless we follow our leaders blindly, there is no possible way we can remain free.
(typical Frank thinking: he is so wrong)

Hawkeye: I've eaten a river of liver and an ocean of fish! I've eaten so much fish, I'm ready to grow gills! I've eaten so much liver I can only make love if I'm smothered in bacon and onions!"

Margaret: Don't mind Pierce and Hunnicutt, they're both first rate surgeons. Sure, they'll show up to role call in their bathrobes. They keep a still in their tent. Once they ran all my underwear up the flagpole. But I want you to understand it's an honor to serve with these men."

Hawkeye: I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody.

Frank: Pierce, you disgust me.
Hawkeye: That's right, Frank. I discussed you with everyone I know, they all think you're disgusting.

Hawkeye: How 'bout a little kiss for the road?
Margaret: Oh, don't be ridiculous!
Hawkeye: Then how 'bout one for me?

Klinger, taking a test: "Mary's mother sent her to the store to get nine large cans of beans. Mary could only carry two cans at a time. How many trips to the store did Mary have to make?" ... What kind of a family would only feed the children beans?

Hawkeye: You've gotta have a pair of pajamas, look around, you had a pair when you got here!
B. J.: I had a lot of things when I got here: faith, hope, sanity, a liver...

Frank: Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.

Hawkeye: Don't worry, I've never lost a patient. I never lose anything. Have you seen my stethoscope?

PA System: Attention. Major Houlihan, your chest x-rays are ready and they really came out beautiful.

Klinger: Colonel Potter, Sir! Corporal Klinger. I'm section 8, head to toe. I'm wearing a warner bra. I play with dolls. My last wish is to be buried in my mother's wedding gown. I'm nuts. I should be out.
Potter: Horse hockey!

Frank: I am only paranoid because everyone is against me! (i thought of u Stephanie) :)

Margaret: Wipe those smiles off your faces
and try not to look so miserable!

(Margaret and Hawkeye are taking inventory on medical supplies, and it’s about 1 in the morning.)
Hawkeye: Sulfa.
Hawkeye: Sulfa…where’s the stupid sulfa?
Margaret: The sulfa’s in the living room.
(slight pause as Hawkeye digests this)
Hawkeye: What?
Margaret: The sulfa’s in the living room between the end tables.
Hawkeye: Margaret, you told a joke!
Margaret: I’m tired!
Hawkeye: The sulfa’s in the living room! (cracks up laughing)
Hawkeye: (laughing) I can’t believe you said that!
Margaret: (laughing as well) I told you, I was tired!
Hawkeye: No, I love it! Someone’s finally been messing with your funny bone!
Hawkeye: Sulfa…we got plenty.
Margaret: Sulfa sofa.
(more laughter)
Margaret: Morphine.
Hawkeye: No thanks, I got plenty.
(Margaret and Hawkeye laugh again)
Hawkeye: Digitalis.
Margaret: No, I’m keeping it a secret.
(utterly hysterical laughter)

Hawkeye, discussing his and BJ’s friendship: I’ve never got along with anybody this well, moron.
BJ: That goes double for me, stupid!

Hawkeye: I'd like a dry martini, Mr. Quoc, a very dry martini. A very dry, arid, barren, desiccated, veritable dustbowl of a martini. I want a martini that could be declared a disaster area. Mix me just such a martini."

Radar: I don't think this place is turning out to be that great an experience for me. I mean I work under terrible pressure and everything and there's a lot of death and destruction and stuff but outside of that I don't think I'm really getting much out of it.

Margaret: My sex is no business of yours.
Trapper: Just say the word!

Margaret: Isn't that Frank's bag?
Trapper: I thought you were Frank's bag!

PA System: Attention. Due to circumstances beyond our control, lunch will be served today.

Hawkeye: Now, wait a minute! Trapper may be insane, but he's not crazy!

Frank, coming to post-op for his shift: Pierce, I'm here to relieve you.
Hawkeye: You do resemble an enema.

Hawkeye: Nurse, you're out of uniform.
Nurse: Where?
Hawkeye: How about my place in ten minutes?

Frank, in OR: I insist on quiet in here!
Trapper: Will somebody please turn down the war for Frank?

Attention. All personnel. Because of the epidemic, tonight's broken film, which has not arrived yet, is canceled. A reminder from Colonel Blake: due to the flu, kindly refrain from kissing anyone unless absolutely necessary. - PA system

(Potter announced there would be a movie)
Frank: I haven't seen a good movie in ages!
Hawkeye: Frank, don't be so childish, it's only a movie.
(Frank leaves)
Hawkeye: Oh boy oh boy oh boy a movie! I'm so excited I could plot!!

Patient: I'm an atheist.
BJ: Really?
Patient: Swear to God.

(Margaret pulls a picture out of Frank's locker)
(BJ gasps)
Hawkeye: What? What is it?
BJ: A picture of Margaret in a bikini.
Hawkeye: Let me see!
Margaret: No.
Hawkeye: I'll give you a nickel.
Margaret: No.
Hawkeye: I'll tell you where the horse bit me.
Margaret: Not interested.
Hawkeye: Aw, c'mon. (to BJ) How does she look?
BJ: Beautiful. A goddess.
(Margaret shows the picture slightly)
Margaret: Really?
(Hawkeye grabs the picture)
Hawkeye: Oh yum yum yum!!

General Barker: What are you doing, Corporal?
Radar: Doing, sir?
General Barker: D-O-I-N-G. What are you doing?
Radar: Listening to you spell "doing," sir.

Hawkeye: If we don't go crazy sometimes, we'll all go crazy!

More to come, probably! Hope you enjoy!

Well, hope everyone has had a great Christmas and a great year! Welcome, 2005!! Val and Erik, it was great having the Trio together again...hopefully it won't be too long before we see each other together again-and this time, we get a picture of all 3 of us! Val, I hope to see you before 2006 roles around (LOL-I think), and we still totally have to put together a scrapbook. Erik, HAVE YOU GOTTEN MY DOGTAGS YET????????????????????? :)

To everyone who just read that confusing paragraph, I can explain... no, I can't. Okay. Sorry.

I have deleted two of my stories: Destination: Unknown, and The Book of the Dead simply because on the former I didn't feel I wanted to continue, and on the latter because of the flames I was getting. If my stories can't please people, what is the point of writing them? After getting flames and criticisms on TBOTD, it dampened my interest in it. Many thanks to my loyal flamers who just seem intent on ruining my life and reputation.

Fine, fine...I started up 'Destination: Unknown' again...everyone happy now? *grins* I have to admit, I am as well.

I have started two new stories: 'Wanting More Out of Life' and 'MASH 4077 Meets the Trio', both about MASH. The first is about a nurse named Barb who finds love in a surprising place, but doesn't dare reach for it; the second about Mara, Val, and Erik in 'Destination: Unknown' going to Ouijongbou, Korea and joining the MASH unit. Please read and review, I think they're both super good!

Please pray for my friend who has now joined ffn, MajorHoulihan22, (LOL love your screen-name!) as she is an army nurse and is being deployed to Iraq. I'm hoping that she will be okay, but you never know. Thanks much!

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Sneaky Slytherin and the Redhead's Revenge by Yazethet reviews
♦COMPLETE♦ Blackmail, intrigue, lust and yes, snogging. He thought he detested her, she knows she loathes him. Can Draco win Ginny over before she tries to completely humiliate him in front of the entire school?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 29 - Words: 83,667 - Reviews: 1056 - Favs: 671 - Follows: 155 - Updated: 4/17/2007 - Published: 2/4/2004 - Draco M., Ginny W. - Complete
10 Ways to Kill Draco Malfoy by Drakulya reviews
COMPLETE! Hermione is completely fed up with Malfoy and decides to make a list of ways to get rid of him. But what happens when most of her plans backfire and instead, ends up getting her very close to Draco each time? HGDM
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 40 - Words: 130,987 - Reviews: 3056 - Favs: 1,901 - Follows: 679 - Updated: 10/25/2006 - Published: 12/16/2004 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete
A Little Thing Called Revenge by Nikki Flinn reviews
Ginny and Draco get in a contest, Draco to seduce Ginny Ginny to ruin his reputation. ack sorry it took so long FINISHED!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 44 - Words: 22,866 - Reviews: 211 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 60 - Updated: 2/21/2006 - Published: 5/3/2005 - Ginny W., Draco M. - Complete
Ginny Weasley and the Curse of the Firstborn by annie penrose reviews
Ginny Weasley is bound by a blood curse to marry Draco Malfoy and to live with him a year and a day. What will happen when she finds him to be...not exactly the man she thought he was? Love, possibly?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 94,738 - Reviews: 1256 - Favs: 854 - Follows: 301 - Updated: 2/7/2006 - Published: 3/24/2005 - Ginny W., Draco M. - Complete
The Day the Darkness Won by fleeing-mouse reviews
Voldemort has taken over Hogwarts. Features Draco Malfoy, the Dark Lord's right-hand man, and a very confused Ginny. Strange things are happening to Ginny. Secrets abound, and more twists to come. Please read!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 11 - Words: 13,072 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 1/13/2006 - Published: 12/15/2004 - Ginny W., Draco M.
Conversations by lavender baby reviews
So what if they don't like each other? They're arguments still manage to be pretty interesting.- A series of conversations between Draco and Ginny.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 2,920 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 7/5/2005 - Published: 2/28/2005 - Ginny W., Draco M.
The Agreement by Dreary Days reviews
Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy have made a binding agreement. Mostly for Malfoy's pathetic benefits, ...He's a mummy's boy, you see... Malfoy has to provide Hermione with all her needs and keep her happy by doing whatever she wants. R&R
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 25,618 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 6/29/2005 - Published: 2/25/2005 - Draco M., Hermione G.
Reaching Maturity by Catmint reviews
In their last year, the world is changing rapidly, fear growing, with the final showdown drawing ever closer. Allegiances will be formed and broken as Harry, Draco, Hermione and others come of age in a world that will change forever.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 32 - Words: 116,215 - Reviews: 316 - Favs: 74 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 6/25/2005 - Published: 10/21/2004 - Draco M., Harry P. - Complete
Whiplash by dizzydragon reviews
Dealing with Draco Malfoy's sudden involvement with the Order and his subsequent heroantics isn't easy for Hermione. But some things change. DMHG [Short story, Complete, written PreHBP]
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,700 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 180 - Follows: 11 - Published: 5/9/2005 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete
Hogwarts Interactive by Bri Black and Hermione GP reviews
Hogwarts get some computers, and they hae an instant messaging system on them. Draco, Ginny, Harry, Hermione, Ron and Luna start talking online. The catch is none of them knows who any of the others is. Draco!Ginny, Harry!Hermione, Ron!Luna
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,001 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 4/29/2005 - Published: 4/25/2005 - Ginny W., Draco M.
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Unexpected Comrades reviews
After Hogwarts--the trio join the Order and the War begins...some surprising people join the Order-but can they be trusted? Some unexpected romance later on-will the trio survive the war? Please r and r-my first story!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,279 - Reviews: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/10/2005
Wanting More Out of Life reviews
Barb is a sassy, vivacious nurse at the 4077 MASH. She becomes best friends with Trapper and Hawkeye, and becomes an important part in everyone's lives: and eventually, finds love in the last place she would look.
M*A*S*H - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,049 - Reviews: 7 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 3/18/2005 - Published: 8/31/2004
The Trekkie Trio as Adults reviews
What if the Trekkie Trio had met as adults instead of teens? Would they still get along? btw, this story will be kind of strange; be warned! Adding a twist to this: it will definitely be unrealistic!
StarTrek: Other - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 14 - Words: 24,853 - Reviews: 11 - Updated: 2/27/2005 - Published: 9/19/2004
Kitty:I Am Shadowcat reviews
Kitty tells how she became a mutant, and goes on a wild adventure with the X-Men, bound to wind up in a hard spot.
X-Men: Evolution - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 13,356 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 10/25/2004 - Published: 6/1/2004
Lizzie's New Gifts reviews
When Lizzie is zapped by a green ray, weird things start happening, and two different people are trying to get her on their side, what will she do?
Lizzie McGuire - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural/Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 15,550 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 9/25/2004 - Published: 5/28/2004
Zenon's Greatest Adventure reviews
When Zenon is sent down to Earth to boarding school, how will she cope with the few surprises she encounters? NOW COMPLETE! PLEASE RR!
Zenon - Rated: K - English - Adventure - Chapters: 13 - Words: 15,943 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 8/15/2004 - Published: 5/21/2004 - Complete
Zeda's Turn reviews
When Kim, Ron, and Monique are swept into the time and space continuum, it's up to Zeda to save them before it's too late. NOW COMPLETE!
Kim Possible - Rated: K - English - Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 10,728 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 8/12/2004 - Published: 5/20/2004 - Complete
Princess Lucy's Great Adventure reviews
This is when most fairy tales are blurred together, and the heroine is a new Rapunzel with some spunkcrappy summary, I know, but please read and review anyway!
Fairy Tales - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,000 - Reviews: 10 - Updated: 7/14/2004 - Published: 5/29/2004
The Pods reviews
Kim, Ron, and Rufus are confronted with strange, plant-like pods...and when people start acting weird, they know something's up. COMPLETE!
Kim Possible - Rated: K+ - English - Suspense/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 16 - Words: 10,837 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 5/19/2004 - Published: 4/13/2004 - Complete
Room 311 reviews
Lila Phillips starts having strange dreams...but are they something more? COMPLETE
Twilight Zone - Rated: K+ - English - Suspense - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,977 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 4/26/2004 - Published: 4/25/2004 - Complete
The Stranger in the Shadows reviews
Kim gets in trouble way over her head...can Ron and Rufus save the day? Now complete! read and review
Kim Possible - Rated: K - English - Mystery - Chapters: 8 - Words: 4,232 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 4/25/2004 - Published: 4/12/2004 - Complete
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