Expect the unexpected and the unexpected never happens

Is the phrase that best suits my stories. I am an inexperienced writer who wishes to fine tune her skills. There won't be frequent updates, but I will take every opportunity to add to or revise my stories. I may seem to be a rather boring person at first, but am interesting when you get to know me. Here are a few reasons why I'm not boring:

Now for the super duper long list of AWESOMENESS

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot.

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs..."

You live off of sugar and caffine

People think you're insane.

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week one week, and then dissappear off the face of the earth the next.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start laughing for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

Copy that into your profile if you fit one or more

Fun sayings

Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.

I put 'fun' in the word 'dysfunctional'...

When the devil decides to make it rain on my parade I bust out a slip 'n slide!

Why do they put pictures of criminals in the Post Office? What do they want us to do... write to them?

Silence is gold, duct tape is silver.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just loves me.

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have!

Do people in England sit around and try to sound like Americans, like we try and have British accents?

The next time the devil reminds you of your past remind him of his FUTURE!

Doctors say I have multiple personalities disorder. We disagree with that.

I ran with scissors and lived!

Those who throw objects at the crocs will be asked to retrieve them.

One way to figure out how everything works. Push all the buttons!

Amateurs built the Ark, professionals built the Titanic...

Seven days without God makes one weak.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

FRIENDS VS. BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: never ask for anything to eat or drink when they're at your house

BEST FRIENDS: are the reason why you have no food

FRIENDS: call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and grandpa, by Grandpa

BEST FRIENDS: call your parents by DAD and MOM and grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: would bail you out of jail

BEST FRIENDS: would be sitting next to you saying, "MAN!! We screwed up!"

FRIENDS: have never seen you cry

BEST FRIENDS: won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you're not down anymore

FRIENDS: ask you to write down your number

BEST FRIENDS: has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back

BEST FRIENDS: loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: only knows a few things about you

BEST FRIENDS: could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story

FRIENDS: will leave you behind if that's what the crowd's doing

BEST FRIENDS: will kick the whole crowd's butt that left you

FRIENDS: would knock on your front door

BEST FRIENDS: walk right in and say, "I'M HOME!"

FRIENDS: you have to tell them not to tell

BEST FRIENDS: already know not to tell

FRIENDS: would give you the option to let you obsess over what ever you want

BEST FRIENDS: would eventually make you obsess over something you thought you would never love until you try

FRIENDS: are through high school

BEST FRIENDS: are for life

I feel like putting this here, so, SHUT IT!

The 27 Commandments of Fanfiction:

1. Thou shalt not post a fic until it has been checked for grammar and spelling errors. The fanfiction gods hath given you a spellchecker on the computer for good reason. Use it.

2. Thou shalt always separate dialogue from two separate speakers in two separate paragraphs. Otherwise thine readers shalt be confuse-ed.

3. Thou shalt not EVER make a chapter all one paragraph. THIS INFURIATES BOTH THINE READER AND THE FANFICTION GODS. They have given thee an ENTER key with good reason.

4.Thou shalt NEVER use text-speak in a fic, unless the characters are actually texting.

5.Thou shalt keep to one tense, and only one, throughout the story. Do not switch randomly.

6. Apply the above number 5 to POVs as well.

7. Thou shalt not get offended when someone makes fun of the crack pairing featured in your fanfiction. It probably is rather hilarious.

8.Thou shalt not use :(, ;), or :( in a fanfiction to show the emotion exhibited by a character.

9.Thou shall try-eth to keep characters in character!

10.Thou shall not treat every criticism as a flame.

11.The author's note is not a spot for your personal drama, and thou shalt not make it so.

12.Thou shalt not put any form of the phrase "first fic" in thy summary.

13. Thy created characters must not have names that exceed five syllables in length. Nor shall thy name have more than five words in length.

14. Thou shall not insert thyself into the story line as thyself or as a character- yes we know that you are in love with yourself and are very narcissistic, we just don’t want to read about how you end up with the main character.

15. If thou art writing a story that does not follow the original story line, point it out in the beginning.

16.Thou shall not make a person randomly smart or powerful unless stating a reason for the change (a good reason).

17.Thou shalt show and not tell.

18.Thou shalt not EVER use the phrase "I suck at summaries" in-est thine summary. This annoys thine readers.

19.Thou shalt not write the same way thou speak-est- writing is an art.

20.Thou shalt ALWAYS spell the word "okay" correctly. Using the letter "K" is an unacceptable compromise.

21. Thou shalt only use clichés when thou a) art writing a parody or b) find a new and interesting twist to make such clichés bearable to thine reader.

22.Thou shalt not post a chapter of less than 100 words, unless it is a drabble. This displeases the masses.

23.Thou shalt not put author's notes in the middle of the story.

24. Thou shalt not write with thy caps lock on, it displeases the masses and causes thy readers to lose their vision and make angels weep.

25. Thou shalt know how to spell the character's names correctly before you writeth the fic. Misspelling the name of the main characters makes readers angry and distracts from the story.

26. Thou shalt not say in thine summary "summary inside". This shows lack of creativeness and infuriates the masses. The only exception is when a summary is cut short and a continuation of it lies inside.

27. Thou shall use paragraphs and space the story so it is not terrifyingly daunting to thine readers.