When women triumph over stupid males... XD
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Man: Is this seat empty?
Man: Your place or mine?
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Friends will phone you in jail
But best friends will be sitting next to you saying "that was awesome!"
Good friends will share their umbrella
Best friends will take yours and say "RUN, BEEP, RUN"
Good friends will wipe your tears when you're rejected
Best friends will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
Diamonds are precious and so are pearls, but nothing is better then me and my girls.
Enemies stab you in front, friends stab you in the back, boys stab you in the heart, but best friends are there to stab those @' s right back.
Smile. It confuses people.
If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
The world is cruel... get used to it!
Not all scars fade, not all wounds heal.
If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.
25 Reasons to Thank my Mother:
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.