Truth-Seeking Cretin
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Joined 05-20-04, id: 592996, Profile Updated: 12-07-07
Author has written 7 stories for Half-Life, Harry Potter, Lord of the Flies, and Alex Rider.

omg lolz thx 4 reading ma stooorEEEEZ ppl! kdos 2 stefan n rayn n phil 4 shoing me 2 this websit!1 lol IM SUGAAA-HIIIIIIIIII SO SUGAR HIGH rite now roflmao wft bbq

If you can read that without your brain hurting, then you probably actually do type like that, and you should be sterilised. If you read that without detecting the sarcasm, then grab an espresso and wake the hell up.

I'm a male, teenaged Brit. But I embody none of the stereotypes that foreigners entertain.

I was born in Canada. I moved to Texas when I was 3 and I grew up there. Even then, when I was about 6 years old and I'd never heard any other accent, I knew how frigging irritating the Texan drawl is. I also remember the inherent racism and blinding stupidity I encountered from other Texans on a daily basis. For those of you who live in Texas, I apologise, but I hate your state with a passion. For those of you who don't live in Texas, yes, George dub-yuh Bush was doing an awful job back when he was governor too. I moved to the UK when I was 9, and I've been here ever since. But I've always wanted to return to Canada and my Canadian roots.

My fics on this site are all of my finished fan fics that I deem are good enough to be viewed on the net (and judging by the deliberate lack of quality of my 4 parody stories that's an insult to the internet).

For those of you out there who are as leftist and green as I am, my friends and I wrote the (unpublished) Doomsday Thesis, which is all about possible cataclysms and how an individual can survive through the end of civilisation. Anyone who's interested in obtaining it, email me. It isn't earth-shattering, but I guarantee that it's food for thought.

Above all else, I am an intellectual. Mathematics and philosophy are closely linked (ever notice how many of the great Greek philosophers were also great Greek mathematicians?), and I am currently studying mathematics at University, while also pursuing a hobby of philosophy - preferably with a bottle of gin in one hand and a spliff in the other. I am considerably older (and hopefully wiser) than when I first wrote these stories. I shan't be adding any more; my creative inspiration now only works for non-fiction opinion pieces. My apologies. But feel free to peruse my past work.

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Lost Time by kitkatkelly reviews
Extention of TSoT: Months after the Prince leaves Farah, chance brings him back to India. Confronted with his memory, Farah must choose between continuing her ordinary life or chasing the ghost of a dream. Switches between POVs of Farah and the Prince.
Prince of Persia - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 14,786 - Reviews: 123 - Favs: 68 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 10/15/2006 - Published: 9/6/2004 - Complete
Harry Potter & the Azkaban Parody by Fangalla Marie and Eppy the House Elf reviews
Azkaban Story! After reading so many Azkaban stories, I have decided to write a parody of my own. This is about how everyone is demanding that Harry forgive them for betraying him without actually asking. I am going for humor more than anything
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 63,649 - Reviews: 2278 - Favs: 1,496 - Follows: 1,164 - Updated: 4/22/2006 - Published: 1/4/2005
The Curse of Ravenclaw Tower by distinctlydotty reviews
Strange things are afoot in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry... Follow Ron Weasley as he bravely seeks out the truth behind the dreaded Curse of Ravenclaw Tower. Mysteryparodycomedy featuring most of the main characters
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Mystery - Chapters: 4 - Words: 17,595 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11/3/2005 - Published: 6/5/2004 - Ron W., Luna L.
Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince by Pogi1 reviews
My own version of the Half Blood Prince! Voldemort is after an ancient and very powerful artefact. Muggles join forces with wizards! HH romance!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,424 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 1/24/2005 - Published: 1/19/2005 - Harry P., Hermione G.
Harry Pothead And The Sorceror's Stoned by Sweet Honey-sempai reviews
Next on E!: Trueish Hollywood Story: Read the first Harry Potter book, with the script that didn't QUITE make the cut...Ch. 11 up!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 13,537 - Reviews: 126 - Favs: 28 - Updated: 10/18/2004 - Published: 7/13/2004 - Harry P.
The Life Of Harry Potter Vol I by GODSPEEDNIGHT reviews
AU Harry is ditched on the streets as a child by his abusive uncle, he joins a gang and becomes a pickpocket. At age thirteen a group of wizards find Harry and take him to Hogwarts to start a new life as a wizard. will be H,Hr, Full summery inside
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 41,983 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 143 - Follows: 111 - Updated: 9/18/2004 - Published: 2/19/2004 - Harry P., Hermione G.
Order of the Phoenix A Different View by Sham Harga reviews
(Formerly Order of the Phoenix film sript EXCLUSIVE) PPG13 - for language. Want to know how the fifth book will be brought to life? Changed format. Small fun poked at the films. I couldn't do better, but a least I recognise Fred & George as geniuses. 11 u
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 29,847 - Reviews: 155 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 8/2/2004 - Published: 5/6/2004
The Serpent of Lord Voldemort by Angie Astravic reviews
Transformed into a serpent, a prisoner in Voldemort's lair, Harry must engineer his escape amidst encounters with Nagini, Wormtail and Snape, and then find a way to protect Malfoy from the Dark Lord's wrath when his mission to kill Harry goes awry.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Mystery/Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 39,959 - Reviews: 359 - Favs: 142 - Follows: 67 - Updated: 7/19/2002 - Published: 12/24/2000
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Alex Rider Sucks: 1 reviews
This is the first in a completely over-the-top series of parodies of Anthony Horowitz's populism and predictability. This should not be viewed by anyone.
Alex Rider - Rated: M - English - Parody/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,951 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/6/2005
Alex Rider Sucks: 2 reviews
This is the second in a completely over-the-top series of parodies of Anthony Horowitz's populism and predictability. This should not be viewed by anyone.
Alex Rider - Rated: M - English - Parody/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,776 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/6/2005
Alex Rider Sucks: 3 reviews
This is the third (and last) in a completely over-the-top series of parodies of Anthony Horowitz's populism and predictability. This should not be viewed by anyone.
Alex Rider - Rated: M - English - Parody/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,199 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 2 - Published: 2/6/2005
Utter Retardation reviews
Believe me, I'm trying as hard I can to not give this subversive parody a real plot, but by the FOURTH chapter that gets pretty tricky. Check it out, I guarantee you'll either laugh or cry.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 12,041 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 8/3/2004 - Published: 6/22/2004 - Harry P., Ron W.
Order and Chaos reviews
Alternate ending: the ship doesn't show up, largely because the forest isn't on fire. Not a school project, for a change. Ralph proves he's more than the bureaucrat wannabe he seems like he is.
Lord of the Flies - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,386 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 6/16/2004
Harry Potter and the Colliding Worlds Conspiracy reviews
Taking place in the middle of Harry Potter no. 5, Harry's world is upended when suddenly the whole world seems to be trying to massacre Hogwarts. Harry Potter, HalfLife:Opposing Force crossover.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 11 - Words: 17,804 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/29/2004 - Complete
HalfLife: Opposing Force: The Alternate Reality reviews
Shepherd doesn't go to Black Mesa, he goes to England. Outnumbered and unarmed, he must solve the mystery of why he was sent to Hogwarts. Yes, there is a plot behind this crossover fic.
Half-Life - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 9 - Words: 19,930 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/21/2004 - Complete