"I'm not evil. I'm just a bored person with a highly creative sense of humor."

I am a being of dynamic proportions, shaped like myself, as wide as I have width, and of my own height. Indeed, I am the greatest thing of least dimension you have never imagined, have the ability to change color in correspondence to the lighting of my environment, and macroscopically partake in cellular respiration on a daily basis. I am strong enough to defy the force of gravity for a grand total of one second. Every time I take a step, I generate earthquakes so powerful they must recorded in negative numbers on the Richter magnitude scale. I am responsible for the genocide of millions of bacteria every hour. I am not afraid to bear my epidermis in public, and I deliberately expose myself to ultraviolet radiation for my own personal amusement. I have survived rhinovirus pandemics and ingested capsaicin with few negative results. Automatic doors open for me automatically. The universe revolves around me, relative to myself, should I choose to make myself the reference point of the universe, which I do. In my infinitely long life, as measured in infinitely small units of time, I have met between zero and a gazillion other beings of the same kind; most have had their own teeth.

All external links are organized here. Includes fanart, the Chiaroscuro forum, translations, AO3 links, and writing prompts.

*MORE SPECIFIC INFORMATION ABOUT ME*

Name: Boom Vroomshroom. Yes, that is my real name.

Age: 2020. Yeah, that's right. I'm older than Jesus. Not older than Socrates, though. Damn.

Birthday: Yesterday. Even though I was born in 1 B.C.

Mother's Maiden Name: SurprisedPikachuFace

Social Security Number: 420-69-666

PIN Number: 3.6 Roentgen

Password: password1

Phone Number: 8008135

Address:

The Former Vice President Dick Cheney

The American Enterprise Institute

1150 Seventeenth Street, N.W.

Washington, D.C. 20036

Likes: As you can tell from my user name, I like explosives, really fast cars, and fungi. Except I hate fungi. And I don't like explosions, either, because people could get hurt. And I prefer fuel-efficient cars to sports cars because where I live there are actual speed limits.

I love food, though. Food is great. Depends on what type of food, though.

Dislikes: As you can tell from my user name, I hate explosives, really fast cars, and fungi. Except I love fungi. And I don't hate explosions, either, because people might get hurt. And I prefer sports cars to fuel-efficient cars because where I live there aren't any actual speed limits.

I hate food, though. Food is awful. Depends on what type of food, though.

Dreams for the future: Conquering the world. Duh.

Hobbies: Campaigning against explosives, making TNT in my garage, driving fast cars, driving 5 kmph on the Autobahn, cultivating mycelium, inventing highly destructive anti-fungals, and thinking about conquering the world.

Also food. I have a love-hate relationship with food, if you haven't noticed.