Author has written 5 stories for Harry Potter, Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel, and Percy Jackson and the Olympians.
So you want to know about me? No. Problem solved.
However, there may still be a couple people who will look at this for some reason. So, I will grudgingly drop a couple tidbits about myself.
I am an American. English is my first language, and thus all errors found in my work can be attributed to me writing all my stories on my tiny little phone. #dealwithit
I am between the age range of 16 and 36. Not giving anything furthur on that note.
I am a male. Born a male, will die a male(hopefully), and this is evidenced by the little dangley things located somewhere between my ankles and my waist. No, I will not draw you a map. If you cannot figure it out, you are either too young to be here looking at my profile, or you are still a virgen. Not sure which is worse.
I sexually identify with a B-2 Spirit American Bomber plane. Now let me drop my hot payload into your secret bunker. (Make of that what you will).
My favorite color is red. This has nothing to do with the elaborate symbolism and beautiful shading, and everything to do with that shiny pretty stuff that you get when you poke someone with a knife.
I like me some HP fanfiction. However, the element of romance and stuff, is stupid in the fanfic universe. JK Rowling somehow pulled off a decent pairing with an unlikely charactor. This does not, at all, give you all license to do the same. Slash in my opinion is fine. But the way that many authors write it, is just retarded. Seriously, most scenes look like they are written by sexually frustrated virgins. This is not taking into account the likelihood of them actually BEING sexually frustrated virgins.
Severus Snape, is a complicated charactor. Its almost insulting the way that most people dumb him down. There are some who don't, and I give full credit and props to LessWrong and LightningontheWave for not doing this. Now, to get something straight, PEDOPHILIA IS WRONG!!! There should not be any sexual relations with Severus Snape. Ever. EVEEERRRR. That man should not spawn. He is an ex-con, with likely numerous psychological issues, a shitty childhood, an inability to tolerate children, and is decidedly morally ambiguous, not blinking an eye at leaving a child and his father to die, whilst he wishes for the wife to live, because he was in love with a married woman. He is the posterchild for bad decisions, and a psycologist would have a field day with him. So when people ignore canon, and pair him with Harry Potter, it gets on my nerves. Hell, even when he adopts Harry Potter, it gets on my nerves.
Lord Voldemort paired with Harry is also mindblowingly retarded. Of course we should pair the pre teen with the 70 year old man. Because that isn't just creepy enough to send shivers down your spine. A case could be made that he did not age for the ten years that he was a wraith, or that he got an entirely new body. Or even that he merged with a Horcrux in fanon and became human. You know, not a demonic anthro snakeman. However, the age of the soul, dictates the age of the person. The diary horcrux was 60 some years old. He only looked like a kid, because he remembered himself looking like a kid. If any of you are still confused, go read Everlost by Neal Shushterman. This is an actual book with this scenario. This is of course ignoring that Voldemort is a textbook sociopath, with another shitty childhood. He is also a sadistic mass murderer, and in his youth, engaged in some casual serial killing. Ignoring the fact that he doesn't feel love, one also must consider that the only look we get of Tom Riddle, is in the Second Book. The rest of the time, our collective image of Voldemort is a hairless, scaly reptilian demonic anthromorphic snakeman, who we can all be glad that he is asexual. In fact, he is more like anti-sexual. Boner-kill = Voldemorts ugly mug.
Harry and Ginny sort of work. Mostly because of groundwork laid by Rowling, but I'll take good writing where I can get it.
Harry/Draco? No. I stick to canon personalitywise, unless there is a specific reason to diverge from it. Rowling spent a considerable amount of time making Draco Malfoy, the stuck-up snobby bully, who just happens to be easily hateable and annoying. NOBODY likes him. Jeez. It can be done well, but those instsnces are few and far between.
Harry and Luna don't work very well. This part is my opinion, but while Harry and Luna may be an excellent pairing, I haven't really seen anyone capture her character and get it right.
Harry and Fleur or Gabrielle can work, pretty well sometimes. I've seen it done badly, but fics like Deprived by thecrimsonlord make up for it.
I have seen good fics with Hermione with Harry. I don't seen them hapoen that often but when I see them, they are usually done pretty well.
Blaise has potential to be done well. But mostly those fics make me rage. "FEM Blaze Zambini" is that charactor that I just hate with a passion. HE is a GUY! With dangly bits and all. He is an Italian, and his name is spelled like "Blaise Zabini". READ IT, SO YOU DON'T FUCK UP!!!!
FEM Harry makes me rage as well. In all my time on fanfiction net, I have seen exactly two good fics. And only one is fully Harry Potter. Its " Lily and the Art of being Sisyphus". Go read it, it really is quite unique.
The only way to win, is to not play at all(refernces). I feel like someone could just write Harry as asexual from the start. Like Asexual!Harry probably is the most realistic option.
MORE STUPIDITY IN HP UNIVERSE-
Blood. Why the fuck does everyone in fanfics use blood for identification. Admittedly, Rowling did not show us many other wards to shove in our fanfics, but you can just claim creative license and make them up. Do we really need a cool sounding super chest? Blood Magic is some bad mojo. Really bad. Go read my story Blood Runes if you want details. Keep in mind, that the one time that Harry's blood was used in magic during canon, it ended up with a full blown Necromancy Ritual, resurrecting the Dark Lord. KEEP YO BLOOD INSIDE YO BODY, FOOLS!!! Nough said.
Money. Why the fuck is there so much money in some fics. Oh, Harry is Lord Potter, thus he gets a million bajillion Galleons. Also, goblins fuck over all Muggleborns with the Galleon exchange rate oh dear. Ill answer the second gripe first. The Wizarding World, is not like the Muggle World. Economically, they cannot be compared. Number 1, the Wizarding World is ridiculously tiny, with a minuscule population. They also only use their own money, and have little to no economic dealings with the Muggle world. The end result, is that there is no inflation. Ever. The value of their money stays the same. Ollivanders wands cost the same as they did 300 years ago, damn immortal old man. The Wizarding Worlds economy, is complicated yet simple because of magic. Food? You can "Gemineo" it, and duplicate it. Goods? You can transfigure and create nearly everything yourself. The Magical World allows near complete autonomy on the part of each family. Services? You use House-Elves. The only time goods and services are used in the Wizarding World, is when the common people cannot or will not do it themselves. Honeydukes gets buisness, because not everyone is a candyman. Not everyone knows how to make wands. Not everyone is creative enough to make joke items. In fact, if we have a buisness major on this site, or maybe LessWrong, they could calculate the general amounts of money in the Wizarding World. Compare the exchange rates with gringotts, to the general price of services, and then one may be able to figure out just how much money the Malfoys have, assuming they are like the top 1. If someone does this calculation, I will be happy. Also, consider that if Harry gets a trillion Galleons in such a miniscule microcosm, then the price of everythjng will fuck up. Prices will rise, and everything will be thrown out of whack. Unless of course, the government subsidizes(cough*legal bribery*cough).
Time travel. I love the plot idea, but canon very clearly states, with diagrams and examples, that time is immutable, and you cannot change it, as your action will have become part of the past anyway, and youve already done it, thus changing nothing. I recently read Grendel, by John Gardner, and it had a very nice sentiment that I will paraphrase here. Time is like memory, and foreknowledge of events to come is like remembering it. However, just because one can remember the past, doesn't mean that one can change it. Why then, does one imagine differently for the future. A great fic that doesn't seem to be breaking the canon concept is Basilisk-Born by Ebinbeld. Very good fic. Also a couple others, here and there.
Love Potions. Molly Weasley is not drugging Harry with love potions. We can be reasonably certain of this, because of several reasons. Harry is resistant to the Imperius Curse. Just so we are clear, the Imperious Curse is one of the triad of the Unforgivable Curses, which have a reputation of being impossible to shake off. Harry can resist it, and the fact is that it uses pleasure to control, not pain. It stands to reason that Harry could also fight a couple measly compulsions and potions. Also, we know what Love Potions look like. Ron was dosed with them, and nowhere in the entire book series do we see Harry acting like that. Nor in fanfics with them I might add.
Animagus? Overdone, with very overdone animals. I don't particularly mind if it is part of the plot. Thats because all the animagi, save for McGonagall, have been very very charactorized by their animal. Sirius, is Padfoot, that dog, that filthy mutt in the words of Severus Snape. He transforms a lot, and spends half his time as a canine. Also, Pettigrew does as well. He is known as that "rat bastard" and then called either Wormtail or the "rat". I swear its like no one knows his name.
On a similar subject, Pettigrew is a bit of a plothole for Rowling and Fanfic writors. Consider that Pettigrew is said to be a weak coward. He is cowardly, that is sure with his behavior. But weak and stupid? That cannit be true. For one thing, he was successfully able to complete the Animagus transformation as a schoolboy. Like it or not, that still puts him on a similar level as Transfiguration Masters. He also was able to successfuly preform an advanced Necromancy ritual which had been cobbled together from scratch, only instructed by a possessed baby. He was also in Voldemorts ranks nearly as long as Snape, and lived nearly as long , dispite him being considerably more annoying. I feel that the interpretation by LightningontheWave was the best.
Recently read a fic which had a theory that made so much sense, it was ridiculously believable. Dumbledore, never truly died. That's it. At first, everyone may disbelieve it, as we all saw him go Avada Kedoink off the Astronomy Tower right? On the other hand, there is a very significant possibility that Dumbledore was actually the Master of Death. If we count mastery of the Hallows as being able to use them, then Albus fits all of the requirements. By the time he died, he was in the possession of the Resurrection Stone and had won the allegiance of the Elder Wand, which was coincidentally the only one which required some special circumstances given who can use it. We have seen multiple people use the Cloak, and we all know Dumbledore used it (and probably mastered it) with consent from James Potter, the then Master. There is no reason he would lose mastery of it. This explanation also fills in 3 little plot holes very neatly. In the first book, he could see through the Cloak to see Harry, which reputedly none, including death could do (ignoring the film's CGI shimmering for invisible effects). The only reason Dumbledore should be able to do that, is if he were the Master of the Cloak already. And keep in mind that the Hallows were made in quasi-fuedal times. Thus mastery could be ambiguous, as Dumbledore acts in loco parentis, in direct authority over Harry. The fuedal equivalent would be the liege lord, and since Dumbledore was essentially Harry's Master in mideveil view, that could also account for mastering the Cloak by proxy. So theoretically, Dumbledore only sorta died, being master of the Hallows. His body was too damaged to use, so he got to be a ghost spirit thing. This is why he doesn't turn up when Harry used the Resurrection Stone, which only summons dead people, and why he was the only one to show up in Limbo, where the not quite dead people show up. The only people we see in Limbo are Harry, who is sorta dead, Voldemort, who is even more ambiguously sorta dead, and Dumbledore, who is also sorta dead. No one who is truly confirmed dead. Not any of Harry's family or friends, even though they were perfectly happy to hang around with the stone. So, presumably Dumbledore is now a wraith or something. And fair game for Resurrection tropes.
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