Smerby
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Joined 07-12-04, id: 630333, Profile Updated: 09-24-17
Author has written 23 stories for Harry Potter.

Formerly known as "Brick * Weatherman" in a past life.

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I blog or some shit:

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I also write Snape Hermione stuff occasionally (WHAT, SURPRISED? FUCK YOU. Just kidding...but really):

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unsphere the stars by cocoartist reviews
When you can't change time, but you can't go forward, what is left? Hermione learns how to be the protagonist of her own story. [EWE] [Tomione*] [*mostly]
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 44 - Words: 193,429 - Reviews: 2482 - Favs: 1,533 - Follows: 2,063 - Updated: 5/8 - Published: 1/10/2012 - [Hermione G., Tom R. Jr.] Harry P., Albus D.
A Thousand Faces by wallyflower reviews
Some time after the second wizarding war, there is a man living in Grimmauld Place: a complete stranger who is somehow familiar. A love story.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 27,661 - Reviews: 87 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 74 - Updated: 10/18/2017 - Published: 7/8/2014
Snapey Gets The Ick by Zigadenus reviews
It had taken the better part of nine years to get the miserable bastard to the altar, and now, after a mere three months of connubial bliss, he was bloody well dying on her. Humor, NSFW, complete in two parts.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 7,159 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 8/14/2017 - Published: 8/13/2017 - [Severus S., Hermione G.] - Complete
Cloaked Intentions by corvusdraconis reviews
[HG/SS] Hermione finds herself in Azkaban after the war only to find it may not be as bad as she thought. (COMPLETE)
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,294 - Reviews: 105 - Favs: 251 - Follows: 41 - Published: 7/20/2017 - [Hermione G., Severus S.] - Complete
Pygmalion by Colubrina reviews
When Tom Riddle walked through a doorway one fall afternoon everything changed and he found himself in a world wholly unprepared for him. "Something about you makes my brain itch," Hermione Granger said. "As if an earthquake had shifted everything sharply two feet to the left and then back again and it didn't all fit back quite right." Tomione. AU. COMPLETE.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 57 - Words: 178,316 - Reviews: 6291 - Favs: 3,653 - Follows: 3,228 - Updated: 11/26/2016 - Published: 5/14/2015 - [Tom R. Jr., Hermione G.] Draco M., Theodore N. - Complete
If I'm Gonna Fall in Love by Colubrina reviews
Draco had made a list of everything he needed to fall in love. She had to be beautiful, and deferential, and from a good family. She had to be someone his parents would like, someone his friends would approve of. But how was he supposed to meet the perfect girl if he kept getting caught up in arguments with Potter's bushy-haired sidekick? Dramione. ONE SHOT.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,785 - Reviews: 387 - Favs: 1,466 - Follows: 248 - Published: 11/13/2016 - [Draco M., Hermione G.] - Complete
A Big Ball of Wibbly-Wobbly by Colubrina reviews
The war is over, the good guys have won, and Hermione Granger goes to sleep in her lovely flat only to wake up in 1953 in the bed of someone she'd really much rather were dead. "I'm working on the 'kill Lord Voldemort now, work out the temporal paradox issues later' plan," she tells him. He laughs. Tomione. COMPLETE
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 27,084 - Reviews: 1530 - Favs: 3,030 - Follows: 1,201 - Updated: 10/13/2015 - Published: 9/15/2015 - [Hermione G., Tom R. Jr.] Antonin D., Abraxas M. - Complete
Of Myth and Magic by Wonkington reviews
She knew it wasn't good for her, standing here like this, waiting for something that wasn't there to appear. Something spectacular to happen between mis-numbered houses. Something to prove that magic was real. Eventual SS/HG. AU with purpose.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 26 - Words: 79,624 - Reviews: 362 - Favs: 227 - Follows: 223 - Updated: 10/12/2015 - Published: 11/13/2014 - [Hermione G., Severus S.] - Complete
Tea and Glory by ausland reviews
She brings him tea and sits next to him in the Library and before they know it, Hermione Granger and Severus Snape are using each other to heal from the war. Tea and silence becomes something far, far more.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,338 - Reviews: 89 - Favs: 428 - Follows: 62 - Published: 2/28/2015 - [Hermione G., Severus S.] - Complete
War Paint by provocative envy reviews
COMPLETE: It was small, slim, about the length of her hand; the leather cover was soft, the sewn-in binding was crisp, and the thick vellum pages were empty. 'Tom Marvolo Riddle' was printed in ancient, flaking gold leaf across the front. He had been a Slytherin, a prefect, and head boy in 1944. She had checked. HG/TR.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 9 - Words: 19,595 - Reviews: 425 - Favs: 1,781 - Follows: 561 - Updated: 7/12/2014 - Published: 6/2/2014 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr. - Complete
Hermione Granger and the Crystal of Time by Aurette reviews
Hermione stumbles upon a conspiracy full of murder, mystery, mayhem, and unending betrayal. Will the man she turns to for help betray her heart? AU/M for reasons.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 38 - Words: 135,045 - Reviews: 2941 - Favs: 1,357 - Follows: 438 - Updated: 4/25/2012 - Published: 3/22/2012 - Severus S., Hermione G. - Complete
The Infinitely Curious Woman by A plus reviews
“The boy is a Horcrux. In order for Voldemort to be truly gone, the boy must die.” But his deal had never been with Dumbledore, it had always been with Lily. By teaching Granger the Dark Arts, he could corrupt Potter's soul and save his life. SSHG
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 52,244 - Reviews: 497 - Favs: 379 - Follows: 519 - Updated: 11/5/2011 - Published: 9/26/2008 - Hermione G., Severus S.
Fade to Grey by marianne le fey reviews
Unable to catch hold of anything in order to save herself, her mind clung to the one fact it knew to be unassailably true: something was terribly, terribly wrong.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 77,878 - Reviews: 778 - Favs: 1,076 - Follows: 321 - Updated: 9/1/2011 - Published: 4/22/2011 - Severus S., Hermione G. - Complete
Yea, Though I Walk by Aurette reviews
After the Final Battle, everyone has their demons to wrestle...
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 13 - Words: 52,178 - Reviews: 1134 - Favs: 1,183 - Follows: 374 - Updated: 7/27/2011 - Published: 6/18/2011 - Severus S., Hermione G. - Complete
Tied for Last by Speechwriter reviews
Hermione is killed by Voldemort, and is now dead. Well, sort of. Turns out that death is a little more complex than she knew. Ignores epilogue and last 50ish pages of DH.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 33 - Words: 244,487 - Reviews: 2393 - Favs: 3,304 - Follows: 933 - Updated: 9/10/2010 - Published: 6/6/2010 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr. - Complete
Counting Buttons by wardedportal reviews
Hermione gets caught counting buttons. Written for Darkheartwalsh, SSHG Exchange, Winter 2007
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,599 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 312 - Follows: 37 - Published: 12/3/2008 - Hermione G., Severus S. - Complete
The Silvering Divide by Somigliana reviews
Hermione encounters a strange lake-dweller one morning. Her new friend will give her insight into the most mysterious man of them all...
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 51,591 - Reviews: 384 - Favs: 918 - Follows: 219 - Updated: 12/2/2008 - Published: 10/28/2008 - Severus S., Hermione G. - Complete
The Quality of Mercy by ChristineX reviews
Devastated by Ron's death, Hermione distracts herself by focusing on Severus Snape's mysterious demise. What she finds when she unravels the mystery will change both her life and the wizarding world forever. SSHG, T now, M later. Slight AU, DH spoilers.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 25 - Words: 119,828 - Reviews: 834 - Favs: 626 - Follows: 297 - Updated: 10/6/2008 - Published: 8/11/2007 - Hermione G., Severus S. - Complete
How Hermione Granger Learned About Shipping by JellyBellys reviews
What kind of sick freak ships Hermione with Voldemort anyway? That's what Hermione wants to know when she becomes trapped in a world of neverending Light and Darkness fic cliches. TRLVHG oneshot
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,965 - Reviews: 92 - Favs: 173 - Follows: 21 - Published: 3/18/2007 - [Hermione G., Tom R. Jr.] Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
Never Talk to Strange Cats? by iswearimbritish reviews
Harry is all alone at a time when he needs companionship most. How will he cope when he has much pent up frustration and no one to take it out on?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,392 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 12/28/2006 - Published: 3/23/2006 - Harry P., Hermione G.
Salmonella Gets Sporked The Motion Picture by suethor reviews
This is not a serious story. You have been warned.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,022 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/2/2006 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
NumberssSss by iswearimbritish reviews
Hogwart's first trip to the zoo. R&R if you please.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 430 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/19/2005 - Harry P., Cho C.
Menstrual Magic by dobby21 reviews
A little parody; the things that bugged me in OotP, over accentuated. Cho is extra menstrual, Harry is extra pissy, and everyone is horny. Complete R&R please!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,557 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 5/2/2005 - Published: 4/9/2005 - Harry P. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Curse of the RoboHufflepuff by DudeIRock reviews
A loud bang is heard through the Great Hall all the surrounding students look up it seems that a large hole has been punched in the northern wall by...a giant metallic badger...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,648 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/27/2004 - Complete
Harry Potter: the Sorcerer's Stoned by FanFictionFantom reviews
Mwahahaha...a twisted version of Harry Potter featuring Harry as a schizo, Ron as a crossdresser, and an accident-prone Hermione. Enjoy, hehehe. COMPLETE!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 11 - Words: 27,797 - Reviews: 158 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 12/19/2004 - Published: 7/26/2004 - Complete
Hey, You Have a Beaver on Your Head by iswearimbritish reviews
Yeah, actually a pretty lame story I wrote while I was uppy on mocha. Read, review, and hug your inner beaver...
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,054 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 11/12/2004 - Harry P., Hermione G.
Love at St Mungos by EntirelyInsincere reviews
A story of two people in the right place at the right time. Two misunderstood personalities finally find love.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 108 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/1/2004 - Dolores U., Gilderoy L.
Harry Potter and Why Not To Play Cluedo by Jennigen reviews
PG for swearing and hinted slash. This is a spoof of the movie Prisoner of Azkaban! With Cluedo refrences, shipping war indications and MURDEROUS INTENTIONS! This is one mad, crazy, drunk spoof by yours truely!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,034 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 7 - Published: 8/17/2004 - Harry P., Ron W.
Harry PotterTheBoyWhoTripped by iswearimbritish reviews
Harry and his two best friends were exploring the depths of Diagon Alley when they come across the unexpected. What will happen? Read to find out...One shot story. YAY!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 873 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/9/2004 - Harry P., Bellatrix L. - Complete
The Adventures of Lucius Malfoy, Baby Eater by rufustehshinra reviews
Humor fic. Supposedly funny. Give it try, what've you got to loose?
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,591 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/22/2004 - Ron W., Lucius M.
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Interview with a Death Eater reviews
An interview with imprisoned Death Eater, Severus Snape, leads to some unexpected discoveries.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 16,290 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 73 - Updated: 4/15 - Published: 5/1/2012 - Hermione G., Draco M., Severus S., OC
What? reviews
Who?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 373 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Published: 8/21/2010 - Complete
I, Alone reviews
Everyday, he feels the heavy burden of his past, present, and future.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 934 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Published: 6/20/2010 - Peeves - Complete
Killing Ginny Weasley or Killing Her Not So Softly reviews
Harry Potter does not like Ginny Weasley.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,058 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/29/2008 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Ahoy! reviews
Harry Potter meets some pirates.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,194 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/1/2008 - Harry P. - Complete
Moose reviews
Harry Potter is a moose.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,185 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 4 - Published: 1/5/2008 - Harry P. - Complete
The Crux of the Matter reviews
Hermione develops a certain problem. Harry has a problem with this problem. Together, this makes a problem for Voldemort. Do you have a problem with this?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,600 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 11/21/2007 - Hermione G. - Complete
The Final Battle reviews
A rather sloppy possible ending to Deathly Hallows. All about the power of love.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,344 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Published: 7/15/2007 - Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
Minnie Sue reviews
A pants ripping parody of MarySues... but with a different approach! Happy Crimbo, KP!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,791 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/24/2006 - Complete
Debauched, Dissipated, and Dissolute reviews
A lighthearted parody of the concept of Hermione's first time. Throughout the world of fanfiction, Hermione has lost it to just about everyone... except, maybe, a few in this story!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,400 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/3/2006 - Hermione G., Severus S. - Complete
That Flighty Temptress, Adventure reviews
A portion of Chapter 4 of Half-Blood Prince that we didn't see! Some consider this my most disgusting story. DO YOU DARE?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,624 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/18/2006 - Harry P., Albus D. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Average Asian reviews
The worst parody ever written! Includes a mysterious exchange student, snogging, a new enemy... oh, and rice! Essentially just one big, long... inside joke. Story is now complete.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 15 - Words: 18,497 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 12/30/2005 - Published: 7/14/2004 - Harry P., OC - Complete
Oh, Canada! reviews
Harry is a little upset. A Songfic... but a songfic PARODY. Written to the same titled song by Five Iron Frenzy.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 703 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 7/25/2005 - Harry P. - Complete
Hairy Potter reviews
This is the worst story you will ever read.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 480 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/14/2005 - Harry P., Oliver W. - Complete
The Half Blood Prince reviews
A short little ficlet on who the Half-Blood Prince might have been. Written pre-HBP.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 677 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/30/2005 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
H is for Hogwarts reviews
Having a tough time remembering characters? Or who did what, and how they did it? Read this piece which was nominated for a Pulitzer prize AND an Oscar!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 985 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 8 - Published: 11/25/2004 - Complete
To Love a Hooded Snake reviews
Written solely to be the result for "Voldemort/Argus F." searches.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 358 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 10 - Published: 10/30/2004 - Voldemort, Argus F. - Complete
Hogwarts Fun? reviews
This site makes their rules, and I break them in the name of ART.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,294 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/4/2004 - Complete
Love Birds reviews
Their love was one so forbidden, one so unseen... Did anyone believe these two would ever make it together?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 405 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 6 - Published: 8/26/2004 - Complete
Who Are You Again? reviews
A parody of the absurd use of nicknames in Harry Potter fanfiction.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 951 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/24/2004 - Complete
A Night to Remember reviews
It was an impossible love. A forbidden love. A passion filled affair. Can romance survive? One shot. So give it your best shot... and read.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 592 - Reviews: 13 - Published: 8/24/2004 - Dobby, Winky - Complete
Deja Vu reviews
An unfortunate incident with a timeturner causes Hermione to live the same day repeatedly. THIS STORY IS NEVER GETTING FINISHED BECAUSE APPARENTLY THIS BECAME A COMMON FANFIC TROPE AND I DON'T REMEMBER WHERE I WAS GOING WITH IT I'M ABOUT TO GET CUT-
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,845 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/17/2004 - Hermione G.
Harry Potter and the Parody To End All Parodies reviews
Parodies have been done to death. But what's one more? R&R and you'll get lots of slashy goodness! Or not. Take a gander, if you will. Story is complete as is.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,352 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 8/8/2004 - Published: 8/1/2004 - Complete