Author has written 1 story for Harry Potter, and RWBY.
Quotes: Just that funny or meaningful?
"Opportunity knocks, coincidence breaks down the door." -Can't remember the source for this one
"Kill one to warn a hundred" -Chinese proverb
"Things can't possibly get worse." -World's stupidest thing to say in a bad situation
"When in doubt, burn it." -Adventuring common sense
"Orphans. I f@#king hate orphans!" -Vlad, Champion of Death, Forgotten Realms adventuring campaign (Which I don't own)
"Dude. Your necromancer just got killed by a little girl with a rake. After he got away from the angry mob." -One Dungeons and Dragons player to another (Don't own that)
"That's BS. Spontaneous real-life musical do too happen. Hell, it happened just last week. I think we sang 'What Can You do With a Drunken Sailor." -Said inside the Urban Vikings Gaming Center (My friend owns that one, the center not the song)
"Do I even want to know why hes under the table?" -Jerry Hall, owner of the Urban Vikings Gaming Center
"RUN!!" -Shouted in panic at every Fourth of July fireworks display I've ever worked on
"Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead." -Folklore advice
"Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun." -Ash, Army of Darkness
"Money is the root of all evil and man needs roots." -Fortune cookie
"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trapdoor." -Paul Beatly
"Its not overkill, its making d@&n sure." -Cannot recall the source for this one
"In the Grinder of War, 'Team' is just 'Meat' mislabeled" -Unknown
"Eh. Slave labor; you get what you pay for." -Lisa Simpson
"Though I walk through the Shadow of the Valley of Death I will fear no evil, fore I am the Baddest motherfu@&er in the Valley." -JMD-009's fanfic 'Divided We Stand'
"I'm not a pyromaniac, I'm a pyromancer. See, I've got the T-shirt to prove it!" -Me explaining why I bought 600 plus dollars worth of fireworks and cannon wick
"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every moment of it!" -A t-shirt
"Is it finally dead?""That depends on what you mean by dead. Dead as in you killed it or dead as in its gonna to actually stay dead." -Don't ask...just, don't ask
"I could never be a racist; stupidity knows no bounds, wether it be race, religion, or border." -Me
"You'd never think you would end up hating free money til the day you try to spend that 100 bill your uncle gave you, which turns out counterfeit...in front of a cop." -Name withheld
"Love is like an elite sniper; if it missed you either got blessed by Lady Luck or some sick son of bi( is trying to play a game with you." -A thought at 3am
"You know you've been a bastard when any of the following sends your friends running; err run, ignite, wick, detonate, just a teensy tiny, Spades, area of effect, and oops!" -Why no one lets me hold the bomb
"You've gone to a sick place when you call a lynching a party with a still-kicking pinata." -Me, in response to a friends comment
"War is an ugly, often necessary Art that does horrible things to those that Master its intricacies." -A thought
"Whoo! Absinthe and rum and I feel good now that my eyes stopped watering! Hey, where'd I'd leave my chair...chair?" -Me at a friends birthday party, 'grin' I had fun
"He on fire?" "Looks like. There it went, guess he didn't get much gas on himself. Beer me." -Overheard at same party while trying to play drunk euchre
"The problem with thin lines is that the thinner the line the deeper it ends up cutting you when you slip." -I had this thought while watching a movie after being awake for over 48 hours
"My little friend here wants a drinky drink! Bwa-hahahaha!" -Louie, from the anime Rune Soldier
"If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit!" -A bumper sticker I liked
"Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid"-Cap. Jack S.
Judge by cause, not by effect." -Ancient Egyptian proverb.
"War brings pain and injury and death to both sides."-Pein (Naruto)
"The ability to tell if a person is righteous is not something a human can do"-Adolf Hitler
"You are weak, because you lack hatred"-Itachi Uchiha (Naruto)
"People shouldn't be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people."-V (V for Vendetta)
"Do or do not, there is no 'try'." - Yoda
"I learned at a very young age that I cannot trust in or count on anyone but myself. To do so invites deceit and despair and opens a vulnerability that can be exploited. To do so is a weakness." - Artemis Entreri
"When life gives you lemons, make cranberry juice and let the world figure out how the fuck you did it"-FloofyFan13 on deviantArt
"We stole the Eagle from the Air Force, the Anchor from the Navy, and the Rope from the Army. On the 7th day while god rested, we overran his perimeter and stole the Globe, and we've been running the show ever since. We live like soldiers and talk like sailors, and slap the hell out of both of them. Soldier by day, lover by night, drunkard by choice, Marine by GOD!!"-The Marines, most badass mothereffers on the whole planet!
"Could you be...a little less talk and a little bit more "Shut the hell up"?"-Dr. Daniel Jackson, Stargate Sg-1
"Go fuck yourself"-Dick Chaney
"Let this remind you why you once feared the dark."-Prince Nuada (Hellboy 2)
"Them, or us. You must choose which holocaust."-Prince Nuada (Hellboy 2)
"What is the difference between a man and a parasite? A man builds, a parasite asks 'Where's my share?' A man creates, a parasite says 'What will the neighbors think?' A man invents, a parasite says 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God..."-Andrew Ryan, Bioshock
"I believe in no God, no invisible man in the sky. But there is something more powerful than each of us, a combination of our efforts, a Great Chain of industry that unites us. But it is only when we struggle in our own interest that the chain pulls society in the right direction. The chain is too powerful and too mysterious for any government to guide. Any man who tells you different either has his hand in your pocket, or a pistol to your neck."-Andrew Ryan, Bioshock
"God didn't plant the seeds of this Arcadia. I did."-Andrew Ryan, Bioshock
"A man chooses, a slave obeys"-Andrew Ryan, Bioshock
"A revolution is an idea which has found its bayonets."-Napoleon Bonaparte
"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily."-Napoleon Bonaparte
"And were I in a divulgatory mood, what then might I divulge?"-Captain Jack Sparrow
"Everybody sucks, all the time!"-Foamy, from Foamy the Squirrel/Neurotically Yours
"That tin-foil is really fucking with me!"-Foamy
"You know what not proper? The size of your ass! That not proper!"- Hattah from Foamy the Squirrel/Neurotically Yours
"Motherfucker using words like aptoplactic when it don't got no revelance in this here situation!"-Also Hattah
"I don't have pet peeves, I have major psycotic fucking hatreds."-George Carlin
"I sincerely believe, that if you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem."-George Carlin
"I'm sorry...didn't I already say you suck?"-Me
"Bite Me."-My dad
"There are very few things that a smack to the back of the head can't fix."-Also my dad
I'mo kick yo' ass!(At the start of EVERY video game binge)
I can feel my braincells committing suicide(When I'm extremely bored)
I'm sorry, what now?(When I'm ignoring someone)
You think I give a good goddamn?!(You know you've had these moments too)
I'm going to rip your spine out and use it for a coat hanger!(One of my favorite threats since I was twelve)
Whooptie-fuckin'-doo!(I think this is called "Sarcasm")
Can it, Gaylord.(To the gay clerk at Hot Topic that refuses to acknowledge his gayness, even when I caught him staring at my ass in a mirror)
There may, or may not be something living in your pocket.(Little cousin after he broke my PS2 memory card)
We have a situation here!...I'm bored!(Seriously, when get bored, bad things happen)
What in zee hell?!(With completely retarded french accent while making prank calls)
Hey, fuck you, man!(Tony Montana accent optional)
Caffine'll kill ya'!(After reading an article about some guy drinking four cans of Monster energy drinks, running outside, then getting hit by a bus)
LIAR!!(To get the full effect of this, you have to throw a random object at someone before saying it)
Death waits for no one, but I'll give you a ten second head start.(A T-shirt that I made)
This is no time for your fagosity!(Halo team tournament)
Stop your fagotronics right now!(before anyone says that I took these from South Park, I was saying that before South Park was invented.)
Don't give me a reason, no one will miss you.(And if they do, well...)
I'll bet you feel *real* proud of yourself right now.(After some prick got a lucky headshot on me and started bragging about it...then I shot him in the ass point-blank and teabagged him for five straight minutes!)
Put a cock in it!(One time some drunk chick at a bar actually did just that, not to me, but it was hilarious)
Is there a pill for what's wrong with you?
You know, it might've helped if you had bigger tits. I still wouldn't have listened to you, but at least I'd have had something to stare at while you rambled on.
Touch me and die.(To anyone who doesn't know me, but still thinks they can be all chumy anyway)
When life give you lemons, punch it in the face and take some apples.(Seize the day, motherfuckers!)
BOOT!!(Right after I kick someone in the ass..or the face)
You just HAD to say something, didn't you?!(When someone says, "At least 'this' didn't happen", then it happens)
You have just been violated!!(I have a habit of shooting people in the ass with the shotgun when I play Halo)
Take Captain Hook out of your ass and let's go!(Weird Halloween party)
Get the fuck outta the way, you'll ruin my shot!(Used both for photography and hunting)
If you can see my face while I'm driving, let me know so I can run you over.(Bumper sticker)
My truck has bigger tires than yours, therefore, I go first.(Also bumper sticker, but not mine)
I want a good, clean fight...here's some bottles and a couple rocks, LET'S GET IT ON!!(Whenever someone says, "Let's take this outside" when I'm in a bar)
Did you feel...molested when you woke up?(I warned him about that woman, and that's all I'm saying)
I'll sodomize you with a rusty chainsaw!(I keep one in the toolshed...just in case)
Find the kid that no one talks to, and talk to him every day. You'll live longer.(Personal motto of mine ever since grade school)
There are easier, and less painful ways to commit suicide.(To anyone that pisses me off)
Give me a dictionary, I'm going to smack some knowledge into you!(I once did that and the guy said "Aardvark" before passing out)And for people who can't figure this one out, Aardvark is the first word in the dictionary, or at least the one I used.
What the hell do I think about when I'm asleep?(Woke up once with my pillow stuffed down my shirt like body armor)
There are things going on in my mind that I don't even know about...(Watched "That 70s Show" and found out that this was true)
Well, when zombies eventually take over the world and eat our brains, look on the bright side! You'll have a lot of hot blonde chicks to keep you company!(Do I really have to explain?)
Are you always this stupid? Or are you making a special effort just for me?(Said to many an Idiot at Taco Bell)
I'M IN UR HOUSE STEALIN' UR PORN!!(I've actually called someone just to tell them that
That's right, I'm not afraid to post this.
92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. put this in your profile if you're part of the 8 percent that would be laughing your asses off.
If you are an ANIME FREAK, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
I OWE MY MOTHER 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me. "
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you".
DON'T OWN THIS!!!!!! (above)
Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics
The Murphy Philosophy
Quantization Revision of Murphy's Laws
Murphy's Law of Research
Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Everything takes longer than you think.
If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Every solution breeds new problems.
The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
No matter how perfect things are made to appear, Murphy's law will take effect and screw it up.
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Murphy was an extreme optimist!
15 Things to do at Wal-Mart
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
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